- 3 days ago
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01:59What?
02:00What about your promise to me, Wesley?
02:06What promise?
02:07The dramatic, epic, and award-worthy promise you made all those years ago.
02:11Oh yes, that.
02:13Why would I ever need to keep such an enormous promise to you?
02:16You're just a hunk of metal with no soul.
02:18How dare you?
02:22A lie.
02:24It was all a lie.
02:25Bye.
02:38Hey, dudes.
02:40Hey, Kyle.
02:42Uh...
02:42So, how was it?
02:44How was what?
02:46Sucking Cartman's balls.
02:48I didn't suck his balls, alright?
02:50And I'm not going to!
02:51Dude, why did you ever agree to suck his balls in the first place?
02:54I didn't think there would actually be a leprechaun.
02:56And I still don't!
02:58Why would a leprechaun be warning us of a terrorist attack?
03:01There's another explanation for all this.
03:03Excuse me.
03:04Have you boys seen a leprechaun anywhere lately?
03:08What do you know about the leprechaun?
03:10Oh, then you did see him!
03:12That's wondiferous!
03:13I want you to tell me everything he said.
03:16Where was he?
03:16What was he doing?
03:17Alright, I've had enough.
03:19Leprechauns are imaginary.
03:20Well, of course they are.
03:22But just because they're imaginary
03:24doesn't mean they aren't real.
03:27Haven't you boys ever used your imagination?
03:30You, young man, how would you like to be a cowboy
03:33or a swashbuckling pirate?
03:36And you, how would you like to be an astronaut
03:39far out in space?
03:40All it takes is a little...
03:42We want some goddamn answers, that's what we want!
03:44Like, why did you show that smut
03:46instead of the Terence and Philip conclusion, you asshole?
03:48What's going on?
03:49We're complaining to the Canada Network
03:50because they put something really gross on TV.
03:52You want to tell me what's funny
03:53about two women shooting air from their vagina
03:55into a man's face?
03:57No, no, see, some of us were eating when you showed that.
04:00I threw up on my way home.
04:01Clyde threw up on his way home!
04:03What makes you think you can put that kind of filth on television?
04:06You tell them, Cartman.
04:08What happened?
04:08They didn't show part two of Terence and Philip.
04:11They replaced it with the Queef sisters!
04:13It was just 30 minutes of two women queefing on people!
04:16Oh, what? So farts are hysterical but queefs are gross?
04:18You know that little kids could have been watching that?
04:20What kind of network are you running there in Canada?
04:23Don't call me buddy, I'm not your buddy!
04:25I can't believe they're this upset.
04:27God, they're annoying!
04:28I don't even know what a queef is.
04:29It's when a woman blows air out her badge, Annie.
04:31Oh.
04:32You know that girl Samantha Dunskins?
04:33She can make herself queef whenever she wants.
04:35Really?
04:36Wait a minute.
04:37I've got an idea.
04:39And to that end, by resorting to filth and garbage,
04:43the Canada Channel has thusly...
04:45Robbed us of our innocence.
04:47Yes, that's good.
04:48Robbed us of our innocence.
04:51Hey guys!
04:52We have a little surprise for you.
04:53What?
05:18That is?
05:22Red is a Stan's on TV for...
05:25Wendy!
05:26Who wants a Stan's life and a career in TV?
05:29Is that what you write now?
05:30Me?
05:31But it is Cartman and Kenny that the world has never seen style like Kenman.
05:35Oh, my God.
05:36Well, how is he doing?
05:38Yeah.
05:39Yeah, I'm sure.
05:41Okay.
05:42Well, thank you for telling me, Mr. Stotch.
05:43I'll spread the word.
05:45Yeah, you take care.
05:46Bye.
05:48We need to cancel our plans, Sharon.
05:50There's gonna be an emergency all-parent meeting at the school tonight.
05:53Why?
05:53What happened?
05:54A girl at school.
05:55She...
05:56Queefed on one of Stan's friends today.
06:01So?
06:09Hey, pal.
06:11Heard about what happened at school today.
06:13You wanna talk about it?
06:15Butters was just sitting there, Dad.
06:17He didn't even know what was coming.
06:19I know, pal.
06:21Sometimes, bad things happen to good people.
06:23But you know, Butters is still Butters.
06:25And he needs you guys right now more than anybody.
06:28It was so gross, Dad.
06:29I mean, what if another girl at school tries-
06:30Hey!
06:31We're getting all the parents together and we're gonna take care of this, okay?
06:33Nothing like this will ever happen again.
06:41Phase two of Operation Spread Eagle where we manufacture a mental health crisis to see who breaks?
06:46Has begun.
06:48Yes, and can we all acknowledge that my idea of pre-midterms really got the stress ball rolling?
06:53It's pathetic when you beg for credit.
06:55In a good way?
06:56Get cracking on the end-of-the-week super stressor.
06:59The mandatory broad daylight swimsuit dance.
07:02I want the air conditioning turned way up to make nipples an issue.
07:08Isn't she something?
07:10Her confident, passionless voice.
07:12The way her jaw clicks when she talks because she clearly grinds her teeth to the nub every night.
07:18Clearly you like women like you like your coffee.
07:20Ice cold and bitter.
07:23And in a vacuum-sealed thermos.
07:29I want you to know we're making your mental well-being a priority.
07:38You dropped something.
07:41Oh, hi, Joan.
07:43Hey, Mr. B, can we talk?
07:46I don't know what to do.
07:48I'm just so devastated about my breakup with JFK.
07:50Hey, I miss having someone who loves me no matter what.
07:54You know what I mean?
07:56Yes, I do, Wesley.
08:00I've been seeking companionship with people my whole life, Wesley.
08:04But no more Wesley.
08:07Hey, why do you always call people Wesley?
08:09It's a long, epic, and award-worthy story.
08:14Wes...
08:14Ah, he's gonna find us!
08:16Shh!
08:21Take me, heebie-jeebie! I'm done!
08:23Since Joan's breaking up with me, I don't wanna live!
08:28No! Don't take JFK!
08:31Take me!
08:32Stop it, you dumb heebie-jeebie!
08:34You shouldn't kill people just because they're anxious!
08:37Abe, you're a great friend!
08:38And JFK's a great boyfriend!
08:41And yeah, I lied to him about liking the necklace, but who cares?
08:44It was only to protect his feelings!
08:46That doesn't mean I should die!
08:49Joan weakened the heebie-jeebie by talking about her stress!
08:54More spinach for Popeye!
08:59Imagine an M60 for Jesus!
09:02Alright!
09:04The boy is doing it!
09:05Everything is going to be okay!
09:09Missile launch in one minute.
09:12Goddammit, you stupid assholes are gonna ruin everything!
09:15Prepare for launch.
09:16Sir, we have a security breach!
09:18What?
09:18There's an unauthorized entry alert, but it's coming from Sector 2!
09:22Sector 2?
09:24Ha!
09:26Kyle?
09:27What the hell are you doing back here?
09:29Listen, you don't have to do this!
09:31Our imaginations aren't running wild anymore!
09:33Why is it so easy for children to break into the Pentagon?
09:37You have to stop!
09:38If I'm not mistaken, you're the one who bet that leprechauns weren't real!
09:43We called the feds!
09:45Come on!
09:45That's as ridiculous as a round earth!
09:49I know, what's next?
09:50Aliens didn't build the pyramids?
09:52Yeah, or the moon isn't flat!
09:55We have the proof right here!
09:57That's not even my satchel!
09:59My satchel is right here!
10:00No, it's not!
10:01We switched it with the knockoff!
10:03Pull one thread on that thing and it all falls apart!
10:07Just like everything he's taught us!
10:09Admit it, Professor Hirsute!
10:11Or should I say, hair-suit!
10:14Professors change their name all the time!
10:16Especially the women ones when they get married!
10:18Or did we forget that women can be professors?
10:22Professor Hirsute didn't just change his name once,
10:24he changed it over a dozen times!
10:26Students died when he convinced them that they could breathe underwater!
10:30They did it wrong!
10:31Others died trying to kill measles by eating crystals!
10:35Uh, heard of vitamins and minerals?
10:37Crystals are literally minerals!
10:39And then there was the lethal vaccination by raccoon juice!
10:42By raccoon!
10:44Confucius, don't do this!
10:46He's dangerous!
10:47No one ever said the truth wasn't dangerous, Confucius!
10:50It's about going with your gut!
10:51And right now my gut is telling me that your girlfriend Harriet
10:54and Toussaint Louverture have been having an affair!
10:58What?
10:58No way!
11:00Then I guess I didn't see you two gatta-bouting around the campus last night!
11:04Is that true, Harriet?
11:05Uh...
11:06I mean, uh, no.
11:07Uh, well...
11:08Okay, here's the thing.
11:10Yes, we did steal the satchel together, but it was to save you!
11:12Our eyes were on the prize the whole time!
11:15They certainly weren't on each other!
11:17What would that even look like?
11:18An eye consensually on another eye?
11:21Confucius, if you wanna keep swallowing everything the world spoon feeds you,
11:25I got a couple guys here ready to take your place in history!
11:28Oh, pick me, pick me!
11:30Let me do it!
11:30Wait, wait, wait!
11:31I've started to enter the smug!
11:33I'm about a quarter mile in, can you give me an EL?
11:36You must be nearing Union Square!
11:38Do you see a fountain to your left?
11:39Not mistaken, you're the one who bet that leprechauns weren't real!
11:43So why do you care what happens?
11:45Because I...
11:48Because I think they are real!
11:51It's all real!
11:53Think about it!
11:54Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room?
12:00I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us
12:04have!
12:05And the same can be said for Bugs Bunny and Superman and Harry Potter!
12:09They've changed my life!
12:11Changed the way I act on the Earth!
12:13Doesn't that make them kind of real?
12:16They might be imaginary, but they're more important than most of us here!
12:20And they're all...
12:27So, Cal, imaginary things are real, huh?
12:29Guess that means I did win the bet after all.
12:32And you know what that means, Gav.
12:34Just let it go with your fucking balls already, you fucking asshole!
12:37Your friends have been in danger and all you care about is this stupid bet!
12:40Well, I've decided, Cartman, even if we had a bet, that I am never sucking your balls!
12:44You got that?
12:45They can throw me in jail for the rest of my life, but I am never going to suck your
12:48balls!
12:48Ever!
12:49So dare!
12:50What happened?
12:51Why hasn't the mythal gone off?
12:54There's been an abort, Mr. Corb.
12:56No!
12:56Man-Bear-Pig has to die!
12:58Ah, Jesus, no!
13:02Oh!
13:04Oh!
13:05Oh!
13:06Oh!
13:12Oh!
13:14Oh!
13:15Oh!
13:15Batters, I think I'm here!
13:1624-19, casino!
13:17That's it!
13:18Eric, hurry!
13:19Something's going on out here!
13:23Don't do it!
13:24Fly, Confucius!
13:26Okay, I'm made by the...
13:28Whoa!
13:29Whoa!
13:31Save him!
13:31He's so rich!
13:33He swallowed the magnets!
13:35Quick, quick, quick, there's very little time...
13:37Think, Harry!
13:37Think!
13:38It's magnets!
13:38You know this!
13:39Now is not the time to panic, now is the time to act...
13:42Oh, wow!
13:42Okay, he's halfway down!
13:44We need a magnet of the same polarity as the magnets in...
13:51Mr. Brathansky!
13:53Mr. Brathansky, there's a smug storm!
13:54We have to go!
13:55Being smug is a good thing!
14:00Oh, my Christ!
14:01Oh, my Christ!
14:03Oh, my Christ!
14:07Oh, we're force!
14:08Harry!
14:09Catch!
14:12Ah!
14:14Ah!
14:17Ah!
14:19Ah!
14:19Ah!
14:19Ah!
14:22That's right!
14:23It's science!
14:24From a book!
14:26And it's awesome!
14:31You know what?
14:33I've had enough of you pathetic little sheep!
14:35I'm taking back my real satchel, which is worth more than your entire lives, and I am out of here!
14:41That's the satchel!
14:42Do what we do best!
14:45Lee satchel!
14:47I'll come for you!
15:12Randy, who's are these?
15:14I don't know, why?
15:16Why? Because there's fishnet stockings inside your jeans?
15:20In my jeans.
15:22Randy, do you have something to tell me?
15:25Yeah, I do.
15:28Come on, you've been in there for 20 minutes.
15:31Yeah, recess is almost over.
15:33There's two more stalls in here, gals. Go ahead.
15:35Not while you're in here.
15:36Oh my god, you guys are so cisgender.
15:38Sorry I'm different, but you can just suck my clit and my bows.
15:41Eric, there are people actually struggling with their gender identity, and all you're doing is...
15:45Okay, okay, okay, you guys.
15:46You know what? You know what?
15:49That's what.
15:50Suck my clit and bows.
15:52Erica, I believe we have a solution to this little problem.
15:55I don't have a problem, Principal Victoria. The cisgender's had the problem.
15:57If it is agreeable to you, Erica, we are going to clear out the janitor's closet and remodel it into
16:05a private bathroom just for you.
16:13Excuse me, are you talking about my own special executive bathroom?
16:17Would that be agreeable to you?
16:19Oh my god!
16:21That isn't fair. Wendy, just go with it.
16:23Yeah, just go with it, Wendy, cisgender bitch.
16:25Of course, being forced into my own isolated bathroom will probably be somewhat traumatic for me.
16:29I might have to approve certain aspects of this solitary location.
16:36Abe, JFK, I'm speaking in a frequency only you can hear. Break me out of jail!
16:47Why did you hire that dipstick in his purse?
16:49If I'm going to turn these clones into world leaders, I need to weed out the bad ones.
16:54Anyone who follows this idiot is clearly not leader material and deserves what they get.
16:59So you were going to let Confucius die?
17:02Better dead than running the world.
17:04Pretty smart for a war-
17:06Ah!
17:10Cool ear.
17:11There you go, thank you.
17:12I am cool, aren't I?
17:14So very, very cool.
17:15So very cold.
17:27So glad that guy's gone.
17:29I never want to care that much about school ever again.
17:33Me neither.
17:34Ugh, we should have known he was trouble.
17:36Passionate male teachers are always suspect.
17:39I bet his chest hair wasn't even real.
17:41I mean, it was real hair, but probably not his.
17:43Well, I'm just glad everyone's okay.
17:46We all came through this calamity together.
17:49As friends.
17:51Uh, sorry, Joan.
17:53Doesn't work like that.
17:54Yeah, don't try to horn in on this.
17:56You tried to murder us like three months ago.
17:59Who even does that?
18:00Okay.
18:01Did you think we just forgot?
18:03I said okay!
18:04Gah!
18:05Keep walking!
18:08We're gonna have to add another butt to that.
18:11Hooray!
18:13Roll call.
18:14Nobody likes me.
18:16Not even teachers.
18:18My name is Joan, the new bleacher creature.
18:22Thank you for saving me, my sexy inspector gadget.
18:25I should have never doubted you for a second.
18:27I'm just glad you're okay.
18:28How did I get so lucky to have such an amazing girlfriend?
18:32Uh, can you repeat the question?
18:34Okay.
18:37Okay.
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