- 2 days ago
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00:00Young man, you will tell Mr. Mackey this instant where you heard all these horrible phrases.
00:04I... I...
00:05We can't tell you. We all took a sacred oath and swore ourselves a secrecy.
00:08It was the Terrence and Phillip movie.
00:09Dude!
00:10What? Fuck you guys. I want to get out of here.
00:11Terrence and Phillip? Those Canadians?
00:14Excuse me, what the heck is Terrence and Phillip?
00:16Terrence and Phillip are two very untalented actors from Canada.
00:19Nothing but foul language and toilet humor.
00:22Well, I guess I'll have to send a warning letter out to parents before more children see Terrence and Phillip.
00:27Everybody's fucking seen it.
00:28Eric!
00:28Eric! I'm sorry, I can't help myself. That movie has warped my fragile little mind.
00:32My mom gave me that.
00:39There's the girl that I like.
00:43Over there laughing with that smart...
00:46Hey! You're holding up the goddamn lunch line!
00:53Board of shadowy figures, fellow conspirators, and celebrity guests.
00:57Our clones shall finally return home, and upon their return, we shall commence...
01:03Phase two.
01:04Oh, did everybody do pee-pees? I don't want to pull over every five minutes.
01:17What do you think, Toots?
01:19Now, I may be blind, but I can still feel when my foster granddaughter is ready for the prom.
01:24Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.
01:25Don't it, don't it, whoa.
01:27Little bit of acne there, girl.
01:31Hey Joan, you look beautiful...
01:32Hey, baby.
01:33oh hi Kennedy wanna corsage cuz I got a delicate flower for you in my pants
01:48okay you aren't so funny now let's get you all together for a little picture
01:55stay away from Abe of Ark or you'll pay pay what okay I hadn't thought that far well
02:06there's a double feature playing down at the silent movie theater where my keys at
02:12Rubber done lost his keys I'll see you prom Abe yeah see you at prom have fun at
02:22the prom Joanie we got busted for swearing our mom say we can't ever see the
02:34Terrence and Philip movie again oh that's too bad you should have seen Kyle when
02:37his mom showed up he was scared out of his mind shut up Cartman no dude I'd be
02:41scared to your mom's a fucking bitch don't call my mom a bitch you fat fuck don't
02:45call me fat you but fucking son of a bitch whoa children why did you learn to talk
02:48like that it's pretty fucking sweet huh chef how do you make a woman like you
02:52more than any other guy oh that's easy you just got to find the clitoris huh
02:57oops what does that mean find the clitoris oh forget I said anything move
03:02along children you're holding up the line you guys do you know where I can find
03:05the clitoris the what what is that like finding Jesus or something attention students we are
03:11now enforcing a new dress code at South Park Elementary Terrence and Philip shirts are no
03:15let's play tetherball yeah this is about freedom of speech about censorship can't you guys be more
03:21political there's no girl that I like now it appears that she likes another guy it must be
03:30because he's political and stuff I bet I could be political too damn it you guys this is all
03:43Kyle's mom's fault shut up Cartman Kyle's mom is the one that started that damn club and all
03:47because she's a big fat big fat stupid bitch don't say it Cartman oh cool don't do it Cartman
03:57I'm warning you okay okay I know come on bitch she's a big fat bitch she's the biggest bitch in
04:03the
04:03whole wide world I learned that you are a boner biting dick fart fuck face want to see the northern
04:12lights you burned yourself to death by lighting your butt yeah but you know what that whole part
04:32about lighting farts is bullshit you can't do that okay I'll bet you $100 you can't light a fart on
04:40fire
04:57huh oh my god you killed Kenny you bastard well I guess you can light a fart on fire huh
05:10load that IV with 70 cc's of sodium pentothal we just called the parents oh shit dude now our mom's
05:15gonna find out we went to the Terrence and Phillip movie again back you try to untangle his trachea
05:20and esophagus dude oh that doesn't go there
05:26gross Dan that's sick watch his liver I'll get it we have precious little time left people we're gonna
05:33lose him soon doctor his heart stopped let's get it out of there we need to zap this quick
05:40who's making a potato my bad sir I missed lunch damn it I'm not gonna lose this kid
05:46close him up we've done all we can the rest is up to God Kenny Kenny can you hear me
05:54how are you
05:55feeling son great son I have some bad news we accidentally replaced your heart with a baked
06:02potato you have about three seconds to live oh my god they killed Kenny you bastards damn it it never
06:13gets any easier I bet him he couldn't do it I bet him $100 come on Carmen it's not your
06:23fault
06:23no I know I'm just fucking stoked I don't have to pay him oh that's real nice he was your
06:27friend
06:27you fat fuck so boys you saw that movie again yes well Kyle I have had it you are grounded
06:36for the
06:36next two weeks grounded and you Stan come on and you're grounded for three weeks Eric hey why am I
06:44grounded more that's fucking bullshit what what what what was that word young man
07:03little boy at peace what is this place beyond the stars open up your eyes
07:12what are these things you're moving toward head so full of wonder worries in the past could it be
07:24that you're free at night
07:26you are free at night
07:27now
07:28what
07:29what
07:35little boy you're going to hell
07:38said bad words to rush the birds and now this is your sale
07:41you ain't going back to see you just lay a pill
07:45little boy time for you to pay
07:48I'm going to print that bird and I'm not going to charge you, staring at a bird in here
07:51But you're a man to stand your tail
07:55The hell isn't good, hell isn't good here
07:58Oh, hell isn't good, hell isn't good here
08:02I'm going to defend it, I'm going to defend it, I'm seen it
08:04Hey, fuck, man, should we see you crazy?
08:06Good, hell is good, hell is good
08:21Hi, uh, who are they?
08:25Oh, they're my other dates, Catherine the Great and the Bronte sisters
08:29What the f***?
08:31Oh, JFK, you're so funny
08:37Gentlemen, check this out
08:41I got my head sticking outside this vehicle's sunroof as it's driving
08:45I bet no one's ever thought of this
08:48Best night of our lives!
08:51Ow!
08:58Wow, this is the meat locker?
09:02So, are you nervous?
09:04About what?
09:05You know, S-E-X
09:08Abe, I like my humping like I like my martinis
09:12Dry
09:14Nerves barely even enter into it
09:16Right
09:18I'm definitely not nervous about sleeping with Joan
09:21Leo?
09:21Who?
09:22What?
09:24Seriously, that is the last time we stop for wee-wees
09:28If you have to go use the ashtray
09:34This is so awesome, Abe
09:36I mean, the winter prom
09:38This is supposed to be the best night of our lives
09:41And it is
09:41Yeah, Joan looks great tonight
09:43Check this out!
09:45Puyo!
09:49You know, Abe
09:50I'm having such a magical night in the meat locker
09:54And I can't wait to see the magical meat in your locker
09:59Leo, our lockers are back in school and-
10:03Oh-ho-ho-ho
10:05Hey ladies, who wants some g-love?
10:08Hold the special sauce
10:11Ow!
10:12And now he's off to join the clan!
10:14And my boy Eric once had my picture on his shelf
10:18But now when I see him it tells me to fuck myself
10:20Well, blame Canada, blame Canada
10:23It seems that everything's gone wrong since Canada came along
10:27Blame Canada, blame Canada
10:29They're not even a real country anyway
10:33My son could've been a doctor or a lawyer, it's true
10:36Instead he burned a plaque of piggy on a barbecue
10:39Should we blame the matches?
10:41Should we blame the fire?
10:43Or the doctors who allowed him to inspire?
10:45Heck no!
10:46Blame Canada, blame Canada
10:48With all the hockey hullabaloo
10:50And that bitch on Murray too
10:52Blame Canada, shame on Canada
10:55For all the smoke we must stop, the trash we'll bash
10:58The laughter and fun must all be undone
10:59We must win them and cause a fuss
11:01Before somebody thinks of baby
11:03No!
11:11Alright, you turns, listen up
11:13Your mom's our way in a meeting
11:15And they put me in charge of you
11:17But you're still grounded
11:18So you're not allowed to have any fun
11:20Any questions?
11:22Shelley, where's the clitoris?
11:25Now you all just sit there and keep your mouths shut
11:28While I go listen to my Britney Spears records
11:33Okay, it's clear
11:36Our next guest has the number one movie in the world
11:39Right now
11:39Please welcome Terrence and Phillip
11:42Hooray!
11:45Hello Conan!
11:47Hello Brooke Shields!
11:48Guys, some people claim that your Canadian humor
11:50Is nothing but immature fart jokes
11:52That's not true
11:53Take this classic Canadian joke for instance
11:56Excuse me, Tance
11:57Yes, Phillip?
12:02Good one Phillip, cheers
12:04Cheers, fuckface
12:05Guys, you can't say that on TV
12:07Now Terrence smells like my ass
12:09I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon
12:16So guys, does it make you nervous to be in America?
12:19There are a lot of organizations here
12:21That want you arrested for destroying children
12:23Oh, they'd have to find us first
12:24You're right
12:25Now
12:28Terrence and Phillip
12:28Mothers Against Canada
12:30Is placing you under citizens arrest
12:32Mom?
12:33Dude, what the hell is going on?
12:34We have a court order for your arrest
12:36Phillip, we've been ambushed
12:38Here you go, Conan
12:40This little scrotum sucker deceived us
12:42You are a bad man
12:43Don't listen to them, Conan
12:44You loved our movie, Conan
12:46We watched it together, remember?
12:48You loved
12:49What have I done?
12:59Holy crap, did you see that?
13:00They arrested Terrence and Phillip
13:07Ambassador, I hereby condemn the actions taken by America in apprehending Terrence and Phillip
13:12As you can see from this graph
13:14The entire economy of Canada relies on Terrence and Phillip
13:16Without them, we are doomed to recession
13:19What say you, Mr. American Ambassador?
13:24Fuck Canada!
13:26Aye, fuck you, buddy!
13:27Terrence and Phillip will not be released
13:28They are going to be put on trial for corrupting America's youth
13:32We don't know what all the fuss is about
13:33The fuss is about taking our citizens
13:35It's about not censoring our art
13:37It's about...
13:38It's about...
13:39What's so goddamn funny?
13:41Nothing, nothing, nothing
13:42Could you tell us again what your argument is all about?
13:45This is not about diplomacy
13:47This is about dignity
13:48This is about respect
13:49This is about realizing that humor is...
13:52You guys are decks
13:53Release Terrence and Phillip
13:54Or we'll give you something to cry about
14:10Pilot, bombardier, pilot, bombardier
14:11We're nearing the target
14:12I'm ready, buddy
14:15Baldwin residence
14:16No, this is Billy Baldwin
14:17If you want Daniel Baldwin
14:18Call his extension
14:19Stupid!
14:21Hey, Alec
14:22Do you know what sucks about being a Baldwin?
14:24No, what?
14:25Nothing!
14:26Yeah!
14:33Ha ha!
14:34You missed me!
14:37Hand me that raisin doobie
14:42Oh, my God.
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