- 8 hours ago
First broadcast 18th February 2009.
Whilst buying furniture from financially-stretched pensioners Anita and Brian Richardson, Archie discovers a piece of graffiti on the bedroom wall-paper which he has authenticated as being the work of Banksy, who was once the Richardsons' lodger.
Camilla Arfwedson - Henriette Phillips
Nickolas Grace - Tasty Tim
Rory Kinnear - DI Peter Willoughby
Maureen Lipman - Anita Richardson
Shane Richie - Archie Daley
David Ross - Brian Richardson
Jenna Russell - Petra Bennett
Lex Shrapnel - Jamie Cartwright
Josette Simon - DI Murray
Mark Tandy - Autioneer
John Warnaby - Caulfield
Lee Edgar
Karl Rhodes - Boxing Fan
Whilst buying furniture from financially-stretched pensioners Anita and Brian Richardson, Archie discovers a piece of graffiti on the bedroom wall-paper which he has authenticated as being the work of Banksy, who was once the Richardsons' lodger.
Camilla Arfwedson - Henriette Phillips
Nickolas Grace - Tasty Tim
Rory Kinnear - DI Peter Willoughby
Maureen Lipman - Anita Richardson
Shane Richie - Archie Daley
David Ross - Brian Richardson
Jenna Russell - Petra Bennett
Lex Shrapnel - Jamie Cartwright
Josette Simon - DI Murray
Mark Tandy - Autioneer
John Warnaby - Caulfield
Lee Edgar
Karl Rhodes - Boxing Fan
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:05Disgraceful, if you ask me.
00:06The Donna brought another kid, actually.
00:08I'm talking about the unnatural disaster that is our economy.
00:13There.
00:14Spend, spend, spend when people ain't got a brass father.
00:17It's all about taking no give.
00:18You know all about that.
00:20You can not, James, but these people are honest, hard-working folk on their uppers.
00:23Still married after 30 years, despite what the world has thrown at them.
00:28Yeah, that's a good sort of gear there.
00:30Seventy stuff, very retrograde.
00:32Yeah, it was known as the Decade of Decadence.
00:34Sorry, I missed it.
00:35Oh, them post-modernists go for all this rubbish.
00:38I reckon we could double our money on some of this, though, gentlemen.
00:40Is there anything you'll take, then, Mr Daly?
00:42Oh, Nita, darling.
00:44You know, I'd love to help, but this kind of stuff really is hard to shift, to be honest with
00:48you.
00:48Well, they told me you were someone I could trust.
00:51I thought to myself, if I'm going to sell my most treasured possessions,
00:54I might as well deal with a man of privilege.
00:56Yeah, well, of course.
00:57I mean, there's potentially some bits and pieces, yeah?
01:00We're just praying that this winter won't be as cold as the last one.
01:04What, with the gas going up and everything.
01:07We've all got to tighten our belts, haven't we?
01:09That's exactly what I was saying to my colleague.
01:12Yeah, it's like preaching to the converted, don't it?
01:14I know.
01:15Oh, world has gone all pistachio and Belgian chocolate.
01:20What chance has my Brian got with his raspberry ripple?
01:24Well, he's been selling ice cream since he retired to make ends meet, but now...
01:30Well, they won't even allow him to use his van.
01:33Health and safety.
01:34Yeah, honestly.
01:35His country's come like a nanny state.
01:36He's getting harder and harder for a man running on his bobbin eater.
01:39No, it's his eyesight.
01:41You see, it's all been a bit skewy.
01:42We've had one or two close shows with the little ones, so...
01:46Over here, Brian!
01:48That's it.
01:49Oh, that's it.
01:51Oh!
01:52Careful now, that's it, yeah.
01:54At least he's got his hobby.
01:56You know, he's in that garage all hours of the day, aren't you, love?
02:00I'll tell you what, I'll take the lot for 200.
02:03Very charitable.
02:04Well, we was hoping for five.
02:07Let's call it three, eh?
02:09Oh, no, hold on.
02:11Before we close the deal, I've got some more stuff upstairs, if you'd like to.
02:18This was the first thing Brian bought me after we were married.
02:21It cost him a whole month's wages.
02:25What's that?
02:26What's what?
02:26Yeah.
02:27Oh, that.
02:28Oh, don't get me started on that.
02:30We had this lodger, he did that.
02:33He was an odd sort of chap.
02:35God, the smell in here was shocking.
02:37But this wardrobe, now, I tell you, it's as solid now as the day it was made.
02:44What?
02:45What's the matter?
02:46No, no, nothing here.
02:47No, I've got to get off, darling.
02:48I've got things to do.
02:49But Jamie will pick up the other stuff and I'll let you know about the wardrobe.
02:51Is that all right, sweetheart?
02:52Lovely.
03:05If I'm not mistaken, this is someone famous.
03:08Is she?
03:09No, no, you don't.
03:10I'm talking about the artist, the bloke who put pencil to paper.
03:12That's done with a spray can, Archie.
03:14It's graffiti.
03:14Whoa, whoa.
03:15This is different.
03:16Can't you feel the artist, the anguished soul?
03:19Can't you sense the pain of the human conditioner?
03:21You are off your head, mate.
03:22Really?
03:23Is that what I said to Michelangelo?
03:24The bloke who cut his ear off?
03:25You just stick to what you're good at.
03:27Go and clear some space in the warehouse.
03:28I'm expecting delivery from Johnny Feathers.
03:30Who?
03:30Birdman of Hammersmith.
03:32I've got a load of chickens being delivered.
03:33Are you going to the egg business?
03:35No, Jamie, they're dead.
03:36They're nearly out of date, so they need shifted sharpish.
03:53Do you know what this is?
03:55Well, yeah, you know, I have my suspicions.
03:58It's not signed, but he didn't sign everything, especially his earlier work.
04:03And what was his name again?
04:04Banksy.
04:04Banksy, that's it.
04:05I knew it as soon as I saw it.
04:06Banksy, yeah.
04:07By common concern, one of this country's greatest living artists.
04:10Ain't it a bloke who made a fortune, pickling cows?
04:12No, no, no.
04:13Banksy's a nom de plume.
04:15Yeah, well, you know, I'm pretty open-minded about that sort of stuff.
04:18No one knows his true identity.
04:20He specialises in guerrilla art.
04:23Turns up in the middle of the night, and then in the morning, there it is.
04:26As if by magic.
04:27Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
04:28Back up a second.
04:28You mean he ain't getting paid for it?
04:30That's the point.
04:32He's cocking a snook at the establishment.
04:35He doesn't want money.
04:36He's sharing his ideas with society at large.
04:40Oh, that's great.
04:41So what, you're telling me it's worthless?
04:42On the contrary, an enigma like that, he's got collectors all over the world.
04:47His murals tend to be on inaccessible walls in public places that can't be tampered with.
04:54So it only has a tangible monetary value if you can get your hands on it.
05:00There shouldn't be a problem.
05:09After being here earlier, I've been thinking about his situation, Nita.
05:12And more persistently, how that van could deface such a lovely little house with no scant regards for his generous
05:18host.
05:18So, not only am I going to buy this wardrobe, I'm going to redecorate your room for gratis.
05:25You?
05:27Yeah, obviously I meant the royal me.
05:29He's got a GQ in decorating, you know, so all you've got to do is choose a colour.
05:32Oh, that is very generous of you, Mr. Daly, but...
05:36What he's saying, Mrs. Richardson, is that you'd like to buy that picture.
05:40Yeah, thank you, James.
05:42Yeah, I can't deny I think that's going to look really good on my living room wall.
05:46You want my wallpaper?
05:48Yeah, well, and a wardrobe.
05:50Masterpiece of craftsmanship, that is.
05:52Oh, well, I mean, we do need the money, don't we, Brian?
05:56But, you see, I mean, it's like, you know, it's just a bit of graffiti, isn't it?
06:01I have been accused of having peculiar tastes, but I'm prepared to redecorate your room to its full magnificence.
06:07£500.
06:08And the final offer.
06:10£1,000.
06:27I say, don't you know, you say, you don't know, I say, take me out.
06:47This is very good of you, Jamie.
06:50I wish our grandson took such care.
06:52I would if I was him.
06:54All that free ice cream.
06:58Hmm, it's a Banksy, all right.
07:01No, I see, I told you, didn't I?
07:02You know nothing about Banksy.
07:03Well, I know, it's a non-diplome.
07:05It may even be the Banksy.
07:07Well, what do you mean, the Banksy?
07:08Well, it's rumour mostly, but there was talk about one of his early works, Lost Forever,
07:13spoken about in hushed tones by those in the know.
07:17Where did you find it?
07:19Ah, I shall hazard a guess, based upon those rumours.
07:23Camberwell.
07:24Well, what if his humble abode wasn't a million miles from that particular postcode?
07:28Price-wise, what are we looking at apathetically?
07:30Six figures.
07:31Look, he's winding you up.
07:33You're winding me up.
07:34You can sell a few pills in a jar for 200,000 in this game.
07:38It's not about what it is, it's who it is.
07:41And Banksy currently resides top of the pile.
07:44One simple email will have words spreading like wildfire.
07:50So, we can launch it next week.
07:53And the good news is, I only take 30%.
07:5730%?
07:58You're having a jar for it, aren't you?
07:59You're worse than a bleeding state agent.
08:00It's the going rate.
08:02Look where I'm from, sunshine.
08:05You're being a bit hasty about this, mate.
08:07Hey, if I'm getting six figures of this garbage, there's no way tasty to me as getting his paws on
08:10any of them.
08:10What do you know about barn?
08:11Jamie, it's the conflagration of the planets that brought us this undiscovered masterpiece.
08:15It's like the perfect storm.
08:16Tsunami.
08:17And all we've got to do is surf it.
08:19Yeah, but how?
08:20Ah-ha.
08:21By opening the Daily Gallery.
08:23Welcome, my friend, to the art world.
08:36So anyone's even going to turn up?
08:39Mate, I've only got a big taste of Tim's email list and cracked off some misses.
08:43Mate, I've got to be queuing round the block.
08:46Oh, what's the matter with you?
08:47Mate, I'm going to give him the real art gallery experience.
08:51I'm talking about a bit of culture round here.
08:54Who's the artist?
09:03Good God.
09:04Yeah, look.
09:06That's a jar of sweets.
09:07Look again.
09:11That's just plain weird.
09:13Hey, hey, hey, Petra, if you don't mind, thank you.
09:16No one recognises an artist in his promised land.
09:18Con art is more like.
09:19Ah, Petra, but those in the know will sit up and take notice
09:22when they see the talents of Archie Daly and the Camberwell Banksy
09:25side by side.
09:27You certainly get a few tongues wagging with this lot.
09:30Wait till I've given my piece of resistance.
09:41What?
09:54Oh, hello.
09:54I have to answer any questions you may have.
09:58Yeah.
10:00Very impressive indeed.
10:02Thank you very much.
10:03The artist is local, very close to here, very local indeed.
10:06His paltry sculptures break new ground.
10:08He's exceptionally talented, but anonymous.
10:11I had a guess I'd say he's male.
10:13Yes, oh, he's male.
10:14Oh, he's very male indeed.
10:15He's male as you can possibly get, really.
10:17Come on, Jane.
10:17All right.
10:19He's so close you could actually touch him.
10:23You don't know your luck.
10:25I can't believe he's actually selling those chickens
10:27with 250 quid a pop.
10:29So long as nobody eats them.
10:31So far past their sailboat gate,
10:32they could walk out themselves.
10:33Come on.
10:34So what do you think?
10:35I think it's foul.
10:37There's only egg in your one.
10:38I'm not a bad turnard for a beginner.
10:41I'll have a goosey of you.
10:42I beg your pardon.
10:43Gander.
10:43Butchers at the opposition.
10:45Quite frankly, I don't see any competition
10:47from this undergraduate dunn.
10:49Hey, hey, hey.
10:50It's an honest, mature autistic expression.
10:52I couldn't agree more.
10:53Oh, slimy it, are we, Henrietta?
10:57You know me, Tim.
10:58Always looking for the next scoop for the auction house.
11:05What does that say to you?
11:07It's a dead bird with a man's head driving a Ferrari.
11:10Exactly.
11:11I've never seen a more potent symbol
11:13of sublimated desire and stifled sexuality.
11:16I do believe you are talking the same language.
11:20It's about the impotency of modern man
11:23when forced to be a piece of meat.
11:27You know, like the birds.
11:30With me.
11:31Well, I'd love to meet with the artist.
11:35Raw talent like this needs careful nurturing.
11:38In the right hands, he might well be the next big thing.
11:42Hey, Jamie.
11:44Who'd have thought it, eh?
11:46If the mystery artist keeps counting his chickens,
11:49he'll upstage the main event.
11:51Excuse me.
11:51Come on.
11:52Excuse me.
11:53Thank you for coming through.
11:55Lovely.
11:57Have a little quiet, please.
11:59Thank you very much, fellow art lovers.
12:01Thank you so much for coming today
12:03to the grand opening of the Daily Gallery.
12:09It really is an honour and a privilege.
12:12A moment I shall save you all my born days
12:13and to be amongst friends
12:14and those I've not even met before.
12:16Anyway, without further ado,
12:19I would like to present to you
12:22the Camberwell Banksy.
12:52It's all in here.
12:53It's all in here.
12:53And, of course, here.
12:56Yeah.
12:56This lark has a...
12:58It's a raw passion, isn't it?
13:00Mr. Daly, what do you say?
13:01Peter Willoughby.
13:02I must admit, I'm quite bowled over by the piece.
13:05Such presence in such simple form.
13:07Yeah, well, that's exactly what I said.
13:10How did he manage to uncover it?
13:14Another jealous trying to get an exclusive, no doubt.
13:17Far from it.
13:18I'm just an art lover.
13:20The burning curiosity.
13:24Yeah, well, if I told you I'd got it,
13:25I'd have to kill you.
13:28Very amusing, Mr. Daly.
13:30And heartily, we would all laugh
13:32if it turned out not to be authentic.
13:34No, no, that's the real deal, that is.
13:35That's the beauty of it.
13:36I mean, how could you possibly say it, is it?
13:39I put a call into Banksy's agent today, actually.
13:44And what did they say?
13:45No comment.
13:47Very firm no comment.
13:49That's not good.
13:51No, that's perfect.
13:52That's him snooking his cock at the establishment.
13:54If you're the art lover you claim it,
13:55but you know that's his modi operandus.
13:57I couldn't agree more.
13:57That's as good as a confession.
13:58Yeah, so I don't know how much to imagine
14:00you'd make out of it.
14:01Well, Tasty Tim gave me an inkling.
14:04The name's Timothy, actually.
14:06And I'll guarantee you six figures.
14:08If you sell it at our auction, I'll get you more.
14:10You can't promise that, Henrietta.
14:12It's a lottery.
14:13It all depends which way the wind blows.
14:15Not if you have faith in the value
14:16of our unique artistic heritage.
14:19Well, I'm determined it goes to a good home,
14:21and no doubt you'll be bidding, Mr. Willoughby.
14:24Henrietta, the Banksy is yours to auction.
14:37I do believe I've earned myself
14:38a celebratory tincture.
14:40Do you know where it's due, Archie?
14:42It looks like you've pulled it off.
14:43Hold up.
14:43What are we going to do with the chickens?
14:45Well, it's cold enough in here to keep them fresh.
14:47Well, hold on.
14:48Where do you think you're going?
14:49With you?
14:50From Winchester.
14:51You most certainly are not.
14:53That's a valuable painting.
14:54It needs minding.
14:55Come on, you can drive.
15:20Oh, God.
15:49You really think
15:51You don't want to do that!
16:26Quiet night, had we?
16:30There you go, there's an advance on next week to make up for it.
16:33You still haven't paid me for last week?
16:35Right, we're evens now, didn't we?
16:38So, you hurt him back, I presume?
16:40I reckon I broke his wisp, but that's not the point, Archie.
16:43The point is, this proves the Banksy's worth the fortune to some very unscrupulous forces out there.
16:47I don't care. I've got a bad fear about that thing, and I'm not spending the night with it again.
16:52Don't have to, Jamie.
16:54Today's the day. Mr Banksy goes to Henrietta's auction.
16:58Yeah, and the day these chickens go to the skip, do you know what, they're really starting to hug.
17:01Fair enough, as soon as you're done, that game gets changed, cos I need you to look the part.
17:05What part?
17:06Ah, it's just I've been ruminating over what Tasty Tim said.
17:09You know, every auction is a gamble.
17:12So, I'm just thinking of shortening the odds a little, that's all.
17:16Well, you can't bid, Archie, you own it.
17:20Oh, you want me to do it?
17:21That's my boy.
17:23See? All you've got to do is give it a nudge if it gets a bit sticky, that's all.
17:25You mean if it's not selling for as much as you want?
17:27Hey, it's a fair price for a unique piece of artistic heritage, Jamie.
17:30You're saying right.
17:31That's all you've got to do, you know. Pretend you don't know me. No-one who's going to suspect, eh?
17:34I'm talking about Anita and Brian.
17:36Hey, if you remember, I've already paid well over the odds for that flimsy furniture.
17:39Yeah, but this is their picture.
17:41They owned it and you're ripping them off.
17:42Jamie, it's a free market.
17:44Yeah.
17:44Where'd we be if people only paid what things were really worth? Chaos, I swear.
17:48And anarchy.
17:50Anyway, go and get a change. Party starts at two o'clock, alright?
17:53Mate, and whatever you do, do not be late.
18:03I've had nights I will never forget.
18:10I've had nights I will always regret.
18:16But I can take it on the truth, say boys will be boys.
18:37I wore the sand of my skin so I can never win.
18:47Oh, thanks a lot.
18:50I'll never forget.
18:50We're cheating.
18:51We lie and we buy.
18:52We don't cry when we try.
18:54Later.
18:55You're in there.
18:56Ha!
19:10Four hundred.
19:13Four hundred.
19:16Four hundred.
19:17With you, madam.
19:17Four hundred.
19:18Four fifty.
19:20Four fifty.
19:20Four fifty.
19:21Five.
19:23Four hundred and fifty.
19:24Four hundred and fifty.
19:24With you, sir.
19:24Four hundred and fifty.
19:25Once.
19:26Twice.
19:27Four hundred and fifty.
19:29Fuck you, sir.
19:29Four hundred and fifty thousand pounds.
19:31Four hundred and fifty.
19:35Sorry.
19:36Sorry.
19:37Hey, look that way.
19:38That's lovely that is.
19:39That's a ball.
19:40What you're worth every penny.它的
19:44up? Sorry
19:48mate, there's an heater about, I just… Oh,
19:50what are you doing here Jamie?
20:01made a lot number 29 i hope you're going to be very happy a unique piece described by the seller
20:09as having had one careful owner let's start at 200 000 pounds shall we 200 good luck archie 200 200
20:22150 surely i hear 150 150 000 pounds for the camberwell banksy
20:29no takers at 150 000 pounds 150 000 pounds surely
20:37150
20:42come on auntie pick up
20:51130 120 surely i have 100 100 000 pounds
21:01100 000 pounds thank you sir at the back 100 000 pounds 150 200 300 400 that's more like it
21:09400 000
21:10pounds five six 600 000 pounds an important piece of contemporary art is 600 000 pounds with you sir
21:16do i hear 700 i take that as a no 600 000 pounds with you sir at the back are
21:20we all done 600 000
21:22pounds once twice 600 000 750 750 000 pounds once twice for the third and final time 750 000 pounds
21:33yes sorry look we got a problem there's no problem with three to quarter million big ones is it
21:40i went round to an eater in brian's yeah well it seems the council of british arts delighted i made
21:46it in time well not as ecstatic as i am only learnt of the artwork's existence this very morning had
21:52to
21:52ensure no one else got it i can't wait to see it mounted in the right setting yeah it's all
21:57about
21:57amount isn't it the council paid by check oh yes we'll arrange full payment after the formalities
22:03by what formalities there has to be proper examination few simple tests just to confirm
22:09the uh pieces of authenticity there can be absolutely no doubt over that trust me archie
22:20hey archie daily three quarters of a million now yeah and a hundred percent jailberg no james
22:26stop being so cynical once in your life can't you save your moment of victory because it's a fake
22:30archie it's not a banksy it's a brian
22:44you cunning conniving little brian you're a genius that's what i said i fell in love with him the
22:56first time he showed me his botticelli should have had the world at his feet my brian talent like
23:03he's got of course his own work's a bit worthless yeah he's never had an original idea in his life
23:11have you love i don't know he's in the ice cream van his cover's pretty good no no that's for
23:17real
23:17we needed that extra cash to pay the mortgage all right you never made a fortune out of these
23:21masterpieces in in your dreams we get a few hundred quid of pop you're joking brian's got an agent you
23:28see he gave us a list of all the famous paintings that have been lost or stolen for him to
23:34you know
23:35paint again but they pay us by the square inch tell me who he is and i'll make him pay
23:40good and proper
23:41oh we never met him he goes by the name of picasso so we take the painting see put it
23:47on a bench near
23:48the river he picks it up and sells it now for a packet i bet yeah but he has been
23:53good to us came
23:54to our rescue when brian was retired you know he's an art teacher but they let him go because of
23:59a
23:59misunderstanding in the life drawing class anyway we was getting on fine until picasso cancelled on us
24:09said he couldn't pay us another penny which is why we had to sell the furniture and now i'm left
24:16with
24:16this lot what about the bank see in the bedroom oh yeah well it was just like a little private
24:23joke between us wasn't it oh great now your little joke has landed me right in it what's
24:27he mean oh no picasso said the police were closing in on us that's why all the orders are dried
24:33up
24:33brilliant so we're all in for it now what are we gonna do wait no you don't worry mrs richardson
24:40this is his mess so he's gonna sort it out
24:48oh what a ripoff she never said it was a real bank see oh but she was happy to take
24:52a thousand
24:53pounds for what a bit of secondhand wallpaper when you thought that was a bargain because you were
24:56ripping her on james i'm no profit in the past from those innocent enough to let me but i have
25:00never ever ripped off anyone who can't afford it not on purpose anyway so what are you going to do
25:05about the bank see then why i'm just going to plead ignorance aren't i no law against that
25:17detective murray never took you for an art lover not my game this time daily it's all willoughby's work
25:27detective inspector willoughby good cop and bad cop all rolled into one
25:32and i'd like to discuss fraud if you don't mind oh you're one of the talk can you poking around
25:36my premises under pretenses let's focus on forged paintings shall we hey i specialize in conceptual
25:41art i have some bona fide chickens you can have if you like what about the bacon you slipped into
25:45the market in paris the only deals and poultry francis bacon then there's the van gogh sold privately
25:51in cape town the vermeer that turned up in toronto you've been to hamster mr daly no i have not
25:59i think i'll find you have yeah it was this one time was a stag night but those things are
26:04lawful
26:04in holland and that's when you forged your relationship with the international art fraudster
26:08peter devanc one move from you smaller and i'll have you praying for paramedics
26:13i have spent years on this weeks away from my family days in airports around the world do you know
26:20all that does to a man and finally here you are in front of me picasso oh i'm not picasso
26:30you'd like
26:30what you like but when that alleged banksy has proved to be a forgery i'll have your head on a
26:37spike
26:45to think i actually suspected that nice old couple in camberwell
27:02i'm stuffed they're gonna lock me up on well the bloody door shut it ain't that bad apparently
27:06they've got color telly and everything oh let's see if it's funny when they name you and the boy
27:09wonderers cahoots eh i was the one told it was a bad idea from the start jamie there is nothing
27:14less
27:14endearing than i told you so look that nut of willoughby's joined up the dots it's your muggy's
27:19got looking back at him miscarriage of justice and i ain't gonna stand for it you can't just drop
27:23a neater and brian in it you can't grasp them up they're only trying to make a few quick to
27:27get by
27:28you've already got one other option okay i'm gonna have to get the painting back oh i'm not listening
27:31we can nick it before the tests come through before they prove it's a fake is that the royal week
27:36again
27:36jamie it's the only solution i'm having nothing to do with theft hold on wait it's not stealing
27:41technically i mean they've not paid me for the painting so really it's still mine ain't it
27:44i'm not doing it archie oh well then don't jamie if i get charged over this i might fold under
27:49questioning you wouldn't yeah we're not i can help it but we don't want the trail to lead to an
27:54either and brian forensically i mean we want one of them ending up in willoughby's hands now would we
28:04see this plan is foolproof it's gonna take stealth cunning timing and you slip up on any of the tiniest
28:11details and i promise you jamie we are crispy ducked thought it was in the auction house yeah
28:15it was a movie apparently it's the only place in london they can do this sort of test where'd you
28:18get them met off the internet it was a museum now of course something to the public but the bit
28:22where
28:23they keep the banksy well that's you know that's out of bounds how do you know all this jamie please
28:28i have one or two promising concepts in the art world all it took was a bit of you know
28:31gentle charm
28:32and subtle probing this is someone you can trust yeah yeah i think i've made a bit of an impact
28:38as
28:38suffice to say this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship oh yeah yeah yeah nothing
28:43quite beats the smell of chanel does it who's a dark horse yeah some of us don't lose our talent
28:47son
28:47oh i don't want to know yeah but she knows where the banksy currently rests because she works there
28:53sometimes yeah but it doesn't matter where it is every museum's got tight security yeah we're supposed
28:57to get into it easy look through the front door in broad daylight so it'll be business as usual and
29:05yes
29:05there will be plenty of guards about it's a wonderful picture but it's my job to clear the
29:11way so nobody suspects a thing but making sure they don't even know you're in there once you've
29:19passed the front desk that's it all you have to do is relax and prepare for the big whoosh after
29:24that
29:25you're on your own
29:45what how you getting on how do you think have you got it yeah i'm just checking out the fascinating
29:50architecture stop being such a turkey this one parking double your lights have me up yeah all
29:54right oh hello i've seen yeah i'm just uh just waiting for a fair i won't be long thank you
30:02sorry
30:07so
30:16so
30:18so
31:03Where's the bleeding man?
31:10Thanks, Archie. She didn't tell you about that bit, did she?
31:24What's keeping you, you lazy sod? Hurry up!
31:37Never again. Never, ever, ever, ever!
32:10Let's go!
32:24Candy from a baby
32:42is that perfume yeah never mind that Archie said you worked in it I do I'm private collector in my
33:02spare time but you didn't need to break in this was much more exciting this way I like to think
33:06of myself this time I got a stronger wrist try to persuade you to let me have it so well
33:15if it's
33:16about money you're wasting your time this is a work of art don't put a value on that they want
33:24to stick
33:24this in a box for tourists to queue up and take photos but a piece like this needs to be
33:29cherished
33:29by someone who cares for it it's a special it would be if it wasn't a fate
33:49it was just a piece of wallpaper
34:04what are you doing I've got a security pass I've got an excuse for being here
34:09so you know the way out
34:16oh Daly oh Daly what have you done oh my god oh my god
34:23stupid bleeding sod don't just drive will you hold on have you got a paint sink
34:27just drive will you shut up
34:36oh
34:37oh
34:37oh
34:37oh
34:37oh
34:37oh
34:37oh
34:39oh
34:39oh
34:39oh
34:39oh
34:39oh
34:41oh
34:41oh
34:41oh
34:41oh
34:41oh
34:41oh
34:41oh
34:44oh
34:44oh
34:44oh
34:44oh
34:44oh
34:44oh
35:06yeah
35:06oh
35:07oh
35:13sleep less night gents
35:14porc tossed and turned when i heard the awful news
35:17well so you've no idea where the bank seeers then
35:19oh you seen you like some involved in that heinous crime
35:22no she's stating it loud and clear
35:24there's a search warrant to prove it
35:27No problem, Eno.
35:38We're rotting out, aren't we?
35:40That's so much more your style, Daley.
35:43Be my guest.
36:01Hey!
36:04Hey!
36:05Come back!
36:06Where's he go?
36:07What's going on?
36:08Daley...
36:09Daley!
36:31Give me an ID on registration.
36:33Golf, Romeo, Foxtrot, 734, Victor.
36:37This thing might go any faster.
36:39Yeah.
36:40But this is my manner and I'd rather weigh up against the loss of dignity.
36:47Oh, you think you can mess with me, Willoughby?
36:49Daley!
36:50Well, let's see what this baby can do.
36:54Daley!
37:02Daley!
37:07Oh, Jamie, what are you doing here?
37:08I'm returning. What's yours?
37:09Oh, you can hang on to that, love.
37:11Look, we're in a bit of a hurry, though, if you don't mind.
37:13We got tickets for the Dover Ferry.
37:15But you had to get rid of the paintings to make a clean getaway.
37:18Well, we panicked, Jamie.
37:20We thought we were for it, so we had to put the blame on Archie.
37:23We didn't know what else to do.
37:24I was looking out for you two.
37:25You have no idea what I've done to keep you out of this.
37:28Oh, I'm very sorry, Sam.
37:30Yeah.
37:30Well, the cops are looking for me now.
37:32So even if they don't trace your van, they'll be round here any second.
37:35Just one more thousand.
37:37That's all we needed to pay for the trip.
37:40And then when Archie said he'd buy the Banksy, well, that was our chance.
37:44For your first-class five-star round-the-world cruise?
37:47No.
37:48No.
37:49No, he was going by bus.
37:50Now, you see, Brian wanted to see the Van Goghs in Amsterdam, the Uffizi Gallery in Florence,
37:56and go to the Louvre in Paris.
37:57So I promised him.
37:59I said he's going to get one look at Botticelli's Venus before his eyesight goes completely.
38:04Didn't I, love?
38:06Hold on.
38:09Yeah, what?
38:10Jamie!
38:11Jamie, are you there?
38:12Have you gone?
38:14Yeah.
38:15Sort of.
38:16Yeah!
38:16Well, you keep them old goats there until the police turn up, eh?
38:19And you make sure they confess for everything, cos I am going down for nothing more than a speedy ticket!
38:25Do you think they'll let us be in the same cell together?
38:28That's not how it works, Mrs Richardson.
38:32Believe me.
38:32Well, what about my Brian?
38:34He'd never survive without me, you know.
38:42Come on, off me.
38:45Give me that.
39:02Hold tight.
39:20David, is it safe?
39:22It's not right, Archie.
39:23I'm not letting them get locked up.
39:24Oh, great.
39:25You'd rather him leave, would you?
39:27No, but there has to be a way we can get out of this.
39:29Oh, well, don't tell, because I'm half way to Wolverhampton.
39:32We're all in the cliff and get rid of the paintings.
39:34Yeah, am I supposed to do that? I've got the police sofa on me, Jack, so I can taste the
39:38hair gel.
39:38Right, listen.
39:39See if you can shake them.
39:41Oh, that's lovely.
39:42Yeah, why didn't I think of that one, Jamie?
39:44Just do it, and I'll meet you at a service station by the Gatwick Roundabout on the M23, all right?
39:49Yeah, all right.
39:52You might want to close your eyes for this bit.
39:54Oh, don't worry.
39:55We haven't had this much fun in years.
40:04Oh, don't worry.
40:09Let me find you.
40:24Let's go.
40:37Free ice cream, Keeves, come and get your free ice cream, quickly!
40:41Oh, hello, there you go.
40:46What's that?
40:47Free bleeding ice cream, isn't it?
40:48There we go, Keeves, here we go.
40:50That's it, one for each and every one of you.
40:51There you go.
40:52Come on, take it.
40:53Here we are.
40:53One more.
40:54One more.
40:55Here you go, Keeves.
40:56Hold on, here you go.
40:57One more.
40:58There you go.
40:59That's it.
41:02See you, Keeves!
41:12Move it!
41:13My car!
41:16Get away from the car, you stupid kids!
41:18Move it!
41:21Move it!
41:23Move it!
41:23Move it!
41:48You two!
41:49What a shame of yourself, selling out an honest good-natured soul who came to your systems
41:52from the softness of his heart!
41:54Believe it out, they've had a hard time too.
41:56Oh, really?
41:56Well, they didn't mind selling me some dodgy pictures though, did they?
41:58Would you cut away with it as well if we'd have had a few more scruples?
42:01Well, for information, I have enough scruples to beat the band, but they are not worth
42:04wasting on people like you!
42:05All that work, all that talent!
42:16Sod it!
42:18Whee!
42:19Whee!
42:21Whee!
42:23Whee!
42:24Whee!
42:24Whee!
42:25Whee!
42:25Whee!
42:26Whee!
42:26Whee!
42:27Whee!
42:27Whee!
42:27Whee!
42:28Whee!
42:30Whee!
42:33Whee!
42:34Would you care for a 99?
42:42It's only a matter of time, Picasso, and Daly.
42:49Archie, don't they?
42:54Well, if there's nothing else, these people have a boat to catch.
43:07It's ridiculous, if you ask me.
43:09It's positively nauseating.
43:11What, the economy?
43:12No, I'm talking about all the hard work and what do we end up with diddly-squat?
43:15Sometimes I think people take advantage of my generosity of spirit.
43:18That's charity for him.
43:20It has to work a little bit.
43:21Yeah, not in my pocket.
43:23You could always have another go at the sculpture business.
43:25Nah, chickens are good for one thing, Jamie.
43:27Korma.
43:28I don't know how I make it through this.
43:31I don't know.
43:33I don't know.
43:34I don't know.
43:37I don't know.
43:50Jamie, get a bucket.
43:52I don't care if it's real.
43:53It's a pain in the arts.
43:54It's a pain in the arts.
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