- 19 hours ago
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00:22I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:55It must be marvellous to be able to go through a set of accounts like that.
01:00Myself, I've no head for figures.
01:02I can only count on me fingers and toes.
01:05I get lost after fifteen.
01:08Quite.
01:09You must find it awful difficult to concentrate with people coming in and out and talking and that.
01:16The concentration must go.
01:18It's a wonder you don't make mistakes.
01:20Yes, well...
01:21Oh, damn.
01:23There were nine kids in our family and not one of us knew how to multiply.
01:28Well, thank God for that.
01:31Then they brought in this decimal business, counting everything in tens on me mother left home.
01:38Riddle, it's getting late.
01:40Now, what does a restaurant do at the end of the day?
01:43Um, shut up.
01:44Precisely.
01:46Ah, you've a tactful way of telling a man he's talking too much.
01:50You put me in mind of Father Flynn, who had a glass eye.
01:54Now, he's leaning over the mixture for the Christmas pudding one day.
01:58Good night.
02:00I hope you enjoyed your meal.
02:01Well, it was lovely.
02:02I must say, you and your husband have done wonders with this place.
02:06Good night.
02:09Why is it that they always assume that we're married?
02:12Well, it's most probably because I've got holes in my socks and I've got a hunted look.
02:15You don't behave like a married couple.
02:17I've never filled your slippers with porridge.
02:19Yes, I know, but your parents were not typical.
02:22I do know.
02:22You name me one married couple who are really happy together.
02:25All right, then they're, well, there's Nick and Pam.
02:28They're married.
02:29Not to each other.
02:30No, that's true.
02:33Richard Burton.
02:34Now, he's happily married.
02:35Now and again.
02:38Oh, that man is a nuisance.
02:40You can't believe half the stories he tells.
02:43For example, if a man swallows a glass eye, that doesn't mean to say that he's going to be able
02:48to see out of his back.
02:49Yes, I know.
02:49I know.
02:53And I think his mother was frightened by Barry Fitzgerald.
02:56Did you and Mum love each other before you got married?
02:59Oh, well, once or twice.
03:02So it was only after you got married that you started fighting?
03:06Oh, well, yes, but not immediately after.
03:09I mean, it was halfway through the reception.
03:11But don't let my marriage put you off.
03:15He's nothing like your mother.
03:16Oh, gee, thanks.
03:18Now, she had a very strong masculine streak.
03:22I used to call her Wonder Woman.
03:24Because I sometimes wondered whether she was a woman.
03:28You know, but I mean, Vicky, like you and me, we wouldn't be like that.
03:30We might.
03:31You've got a very strong masculine streak, too.
03:33Yes, I'm...
03:34I'm supposed to have.
03:36Anyway, what got us onto this subject?
03:39Are you thinking about biting the bullet?
03:42I didn't say that.
03:44Well, I don't know.
03:45You could do a great deal worse, no, Victoria.
03:47I mean, granted, he's not particularly handsome.
03:50He doesn't dress very well.
03:51No one could say that he was bright.
03:54You're just saying that.
03:56But as you seem to see something there,
03:59I am prepared to settle for it.
04:01Well, I hope you'll both be very happy together.
04:06Daddy, get out!
04:17Robin, do you think I'm being unreasonable?
04:20Yes.
04:21What?
04:23It's two o'clock in the morning.
04:26You're still talking.
04:27That's unreasonable.
04:28Now, either marry me or go to sleep.
04:30All right, I will.
04:32Good.
04:35You're what?
04:36I will marry you.
04:41That's...
04:42That's great.
04:44That's...
04:45You're not, um...
04:46No.
04:47Then, I mean, what's made you change your mind?
04:50Well, everyone keeps on at me.
04:51You do.
04:52My father does.
04:54Besides, I love you.
04:56Oh, and I love you, too.
05:02No, no, no, no, no.
05:06Not until after we're married.
05:12So we'd like to get married as soon as possible.
05:15I mean, not that there's any reason to hurry.
05:17That makes a change these days.
05:20Most young people are only interested in having a good...
05:30Time.
05:33I'm not too sure about how long it will take.
05:35Hmm?
05:36About half an hour, usually.
05:39No, no, no.
05:40What I meant was how long it'll take you to fit us in.
05:43Ah, ah, with you now.
05:45Oh, yes.
05:46Well, uh, normally it's 21 days.
05:49Unless, of course, you can't wait to...
05:58Conclude the matter?
06:00Uh, in that case, I could do it by certificate and license, uh, day after tomorrow.
06:07Well, it's a bit quick, but, um, oh, why not?
06:10Why not?
06:11Very well.
06:12Now, their names.
06:13Robin Tripp.
06:15Robin Tripp.
06:18Hmm?
06:19Victoria Nichols.
06:21Vic...
06:23Oh, sorry, sorry.
06:24Victoria, I know, Robin.
06:30And your address?
06:3222A, Clifton Terrace, Fulham.
06:3522A, Clifton Terrace, Fulham.
06:40And yours?
06:41Uh, 22A, Clifton Terrace.
06:4622A, Clifton...
06:50Oh, I see.
06:54It's obvious that the two of you are, um...
07:03A residence.
07:05Have either of you been through any form of marriage before?
07:08No, but I'm sure we'll soon get the hang of it.
07:11Quite.
07:13No, I really didn't think it would be that simple, just to get married.
07:16Oh, what did you expect?
07:17Some sort of driving test?
07:18Well, something like that.
07:19Hang L plates on the bed and have a fully qualified married person with us at all times.
07:24Oh, yeah, and don't let your clutch slip, right?
07:28How many people are we inviting?
07:29Well, so far on the list, we've got 38.
07:31Oh, Robin, couldn't we just invite my father?
07:33Oh, sorry, 39.
07:36And your parents, and leave it at that.
07:39I mean, who's Auntie Ada?
07:40Oh, Auntie Ada, oh, she never misses a marriage, you know.
07:43She collects them.
07:44She's the fastest hanky in the West.
07:47Uncle Mary.
07:50Yeah, well, we don't talk about him a lot.
07:52Um, I'll scratch her off.
07:55It's 38 again.
07:56Still too many.
07:57How about if we kept it down to two?
07:59Two?
07:59Hmm, just me and you.
08:01Well, I don't mind if you don't.
08:03I mean, I don't want to fuss.
08:05Oh, it's a cold day, sir.
08:09Madam, I was just passing by, and I thought I heard a tea bag.
08:13Sit down now, but I'll fetch you a cup.
08:15Ah, bless you, miss.
08:16I like it black without the milk.
08:18If you haven't got the milk, I'll have it without the cream.
08:22So that is the deal, right?
08:23We won't mention it to anybody.
08:24Agree?
08:25All right, I won't if you won't.
08:26Fine.
08:27What won't you mention to anybody, sir?
08:29That we're getting married on Friday.
08:31Robin!
08:32Well, he's got to know.
08:33I mean, we're going to close the place up for the weekend.
08:35May I be the first to offer my congratulations?
08:39It's going to be a very quiet wedding, Albert,
08:40so you're not to tell anybody, particularly my father.
08:43Oh, I'll be as quiet as the grave, miss.
08:46Speak no evil, see no evil, and hear no evil.
08:49Well, not on this side, anyway.
08:52So we'll close down for the weekend,
08:54and a nice little quick honeymoon in Paris.
08:57Oh, isn't that nice?
08:58Um, a word of warning, sir.
09:01Me uncle Sean was in France a while back,
09:04and he says to keep loving shells at you.
09:07Well, watch out for that.
09:08I'm sure he had a terrible war,
09:10wounded himself in the lake while he was cleaning his mess tin.
09:14I remember...
09:15Yes, yes, Albert.
09:16We've got to go upstairs now to, um...
09:19Well, I'm sure we'll think of something.
09:21Right, right, sir.
09:27Holy fussy.
09:46It is the best way, isn't it?
09:48Sneak off quietly and do it without any fuss.
09:49Oh, yeah.
09:50I think, you know, a quick couple of I-do's,
09:52and then eyes down for a touch of the post-miracles.
09:54I'm, uh, really looking forward to the honeymoon, you know.
09:57You're going to give me a ring?
09:58I thought you were coming with me.
09:59A wedding ring.
10:00No, I know, I know.
10:02I promise to buy you an 18-carat gold ring.
10:05Oh.
10:06Uh, when I can afford it.
10:08So until then, you'll have to make do with the hula hoop.
10:13Ah, riddle.
10:14Ah, Victoria and, uh, anywhere about...
10:17They're upstairs, sir, and that's all I'm telling you.
10:20I'm not saying another word.
10:21I simply want to know whether we're going to be busy on Saturday night.
10:24I've got a party of business colleagues who might...
10:26Saturday?
10:27Yes.
10:28But there'll be a way on there.
10:29Oh, I didn't say it.
10:30I didn't say it.
10:31You didn't say what?
10:32I didn't say that there'd be a way on there.
10:34Ha, ha, ha.
10:35You nearly caught me there.
10:37Riddle, are you trying to tell me something?
10:40No, sir, I'm trying not to.
10:42Ah.
10:43They being Victoria and, uh, no, no, no.
10:45I didn't tell you that.
10:46No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
10:47Of course not, no.
10:48Do sit down, uh, Albert.
10:53Now, when they go off on their, um...
10:57Oh, dear, now, what was the word?
11:00Uh, honeymoon, sir.
11:06I don't think we should have a family straight away, do you?
11:09No, no, I think we should wait nine months.
11:11I'm being serious.
11:13I know you are.
11:15I'll tell you what.
11:17We'll be pleased to be called the folks that live on the pill.
11:23Hello there.
11:24Hmm?
11:25May I come in?
11:26Yeah?
11:30Hey, darling.
11:31Come on, Dad.
11:32Ooh, well, well, well, well.
11:37And how are you, young man?
11:39Good.
11:41Would you like a drink, or have you already had a few?
11:46I think I'd like a whiskey.
11:47What about your also?
11:48Yes, he'll have one, too.
11:50So that's a double.
11:52Oh, well, well, well, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.
11:55Do you take Sarah?
11:56I do.
11:58I do love that word.
12:01I think I'll have one, too.
12:03There's another lovely word.
12:05I'll.
12:07Oh, thank you very much.
12:08Very good service.
12:09Service.
12:12You know, don't you?
12:14Hmm?
12:15No, know what?
12:16Now, come on, Vicky, you might not know.
12:22All right, all right.
12:24You now know that we're getting married on Friday.
12:28What a surprise.
12:31Well, now, about the arrangements.
12:33Now, there are the cars, the photographer.
12:35Then there's the invitations.
12:36Now, those will have to go by hand.
12:37We're not inviting anybody.
12:39No, quite right, darling.
12:40Oh, just family.
12:41Nobody beyond, say, second cousins.
12:43No, just the two of us.
12:46Yeah, you see, we thought that, uh, well, if you'd come along, right?
12:50Yeah.
12:51I've got to invite my mother and father, and then there'd be the aunties and uncles.
12:55You know, they'd be disappointed if they didn't come along.
12:57And, you know, well, in the end, we'd have to sort of hire Wembley.
13:02Hey, I see.
13:04Just, just, uh, that's the way you both want it.
13:11Yes.
13:13I see.
13:23Riddle.
13:24Yes, sir.
13:25Everything all right, sir?
13:26Why don't you keep your big mouth shut?
13:59Well, that's one tradition gone out of the window.
14:01So, on the day of the wedding, you're not supposed to see the bride.
14:04Yeah, I know.
14:04On the night before the wedding, you're not supposed to...
14:05Oh, I know that.
14:07Will you stay there all morning?
14:08I might.
14:09You can just see it in the local paper.
14:11The bride wore a very fetching outfit in white tulle.
14:14The groom turned up starkers.
14:15Oh, right.
14:18Listen, you don't think that bridal veil will clash with the jeans, do you?
14:22Well, I'm going to take them off before the wedding.
14:23Oh, you do that.
14:24You'll certainly get your name in the local paper.
14:26You've got to clean up the place if we're going away for the weekend.
14:28It's dirty.
14:29No, it's not.
14:30We'll be married.
14:31The place, not the weekend.
14:34I want it all neat and tidy for you to carry me over in the threshold.
14:38Listen, after a weekend in Paris, you'll have to carry me over.
14:42Hello, I never pictured my wedding morning like this, scrubbing floors.
14:46Oh, come on, let me take you away from all this.
14:48Me too.
14:49To the oven that needs cleaning.
14:52Good morning.
14:54Good morning.
15:22Hey, Albert.
15:23Hey, Albert, do you want a drink?
15:23A little celebration?
15:24Yeah, yeah, thank you, sir.
15:25I just have a small one for me bones.
15:28I can't help recalling the day me mother and father got married.
15:35There was I at the back of the church with me pull-along duck.
15:39You were there.
15:40Ah, well, they couldn't ask me brothers and sisters and leave me out.
15:44I think.
15:45I mean, to ask you, Albert, how do you suppose my father found out?
15:49Ah.
15:50I don't know if you believe in telepathy.
15:53No.
15:54No.
15:55Well, I'll tell you the truth.
15:57He threatened me with a pound note.
16:00He can be very vicious.
16:01Yeah, toast.
16:02May you have as many strong sons as there are empty Guinness bottles floating up the liffy.
16:08Well, I'll drink to one or two, eventually.
16:11Oh, you may regret that when you go on the Social Security.
16:14Cheers.
16:16How's your dad?
16:17I'll be off, then.
16:18He's in a funny sort of a mood.
16:20Hey, you haven't finished the wine.
16:20Ah, you're very kind, sir.
16:26Hello.
16:26Hi.
16:28Just thought I'd pop in and see you both before the ceremony.
16:31As I'm not going to be there myself.
16:33Oh, Dad, I'm sorry about that.
16:35No, no, no, no, no, no.
16:36There's nothing to be sorry about.
16:37I suppose it is one of the great days in a father's life,
16:40but no doubt I shall find something to occupy me.
16:43I might sort out my collection of book matches, perhaps.
16:46Look, we thought, you know, we both...
16:48No, no, no, no, no.
16:48I quite understand.
16:50You don't want the occasion cluttered up with fathers.
16:54Oh, Dad, it's...
16:55However, I would like to make some small contribution to the happy day.
17:04It belonged to your grandmother.
17:07I know it's rather old-fashioned, but then aren't we all?
17:10It's beautiful.
17:11So are you, darling.
17:13Uh, look, Vicky, perhaps...
17:15No, no, no, no, no, no, no, please.
17:18I'll see you both soon.
17:21Look after her, won't you?
17:23She's all I...
17:24had.
17:26Darling.
17:42Well, it's very nice.
17:44It's better than the whole hoop.
17:46Do you think we'd better get ready?
17:49Robin, we are doing the right thing, aren't we?
17:56Look, of course we are.
17:57I mean, it's what we want to do.
17:59And what we want to do is what we want to do.
18:01But do we want to do it?
18:02Look, of course we do.
18:04Look, if you want a quiet wedding, no fuss.
18:07Right?
18:20I wouldn't mind a little bit of fuss.
18:22I'm sorry, but I didn't re...
18:24Sorry, excuse me.
18:25I didn't realise the sales were on.
18:28Do you still love me?
18:30Sorry, what?
18:32She says, do you still love her?
18:36Yes, I do.
18:38Yes, he does.
18:42I mean, after all, it's us that are getting married.
18:44Not our families.
18:45Yes, you're right.
18:47It's our day.
18:48Nobody else does.
18:59Okay, smart.
19:04Come on.
19:11Well, come on, Doris.
19:13Better get our buckets topped up.
19:19It's a bit gloomy, isn't it?
19:20It's just like a church.
19:22It's nothing like a church.
19:23No, no, no, it's not.
19:24No, no, no.
19:37No, no.
19:37It sort of makes you happy.
19:39It was a good idea at the time, you know, wasn't it?
19:43That's quick.
20:12Oh, Mr. Tripp, Miss Nichols.
20:13It's an important part of our marriage.
20:15It's an important part of our marriage.
20:15Well, not for me.
20:17Frank was quite keen when the mood took him.
20:19You know, Boxing Day, Easter, that sort of thing.
20:24Yes.
20:25Men can be very demanding.
20:28Excuse me, ladies.
20:29I need a couple of witnesses.
20:31Why?
20:31What are you done?
20:33No, no, I'm getting married, you see.
20:34And as there are no sort of witnesses available, I thought perhaps I could ask you to.
20:37Oh, well, all right then.
20:4175p an hour, mind.
20:42That's a deal.
20:47It's quite exciting, really.
20:50Shall I go and put on a clean apron?
20:51What?
20:52Well, for the photographs.
20:53No, there's no photographs.
20:54It's just a simple wedding.
20:55What?
20:55No photographs?
20:57Well, you'll have nothing for your grandchildren to laugh at.
21:00Er, Mr. Tripp, may we begin?
21:03Yes, sir.
21:04Sorry.
21:13You can put your buckets down now, ladies.
21:19It's the best I could do.
21:20It's not very romantic.
21:22I know.
21:24You're ready.
21:27This place in which you are now met has been sanctioned according to law for the celebration
21:32of marriage.
21:37Before you are joined in matrimony, I have to remind you of the solemn and binding character
21:42of the vows you are about to make.
21:44Robin?
21:45Yes, what is it?
21:46What's the matter?
21:47Do you think we are being a bit selfish?
21:49Of the solemn and binding character of the vows...
21:52Just, just, just, what do you mean?
21:54Well, I keep thinking of my father all alone going through his collection of book matches.
21:58Of the solemn and binding character of...
22:01Sorry, could you hang on, hang on, hang on a minute.
22:03Now, I mean, you know, I would have liked to have invited my parents as well.
22:07Can you give us a few seconds, please?
22:08Excuse me.
22:10Well, we could have invited him, couldn't we?
22:12Well, I...
22:13I was...
22:14I had him on my...
22:16Well, I don't want to know.
22:23Will this take long, Mr. Grimes?
22:26Only me water's going cold.
22:30Well, I don't know.
22:34My feet are killing me.
22:36And I haven't had me rowel on off since eight o'clock this morning.
22:40Oh, shocking.
22:42Quite.
22:42Ah, you've finished your little chat?
22:45Yes.
22:47Now, I have to remind you of the solemn and binding character of these vows which...
22:52We've changed our minds.
22:55You mean you want to cancel the ceremony?
22:58I do.
23:00I do.
23:04Oh, I'm tired of the night in a while, thank you.
23:09Now, come on.
23:12It was all my fault rushing you into it like that.
23:15Now, we will do it.
23:16We will get married.
23:17But we'll do it properly.
23:19All the trouble.
23:20Okay?
23:22Okay.
23:28Now, come on.
23:29You know, we were just most probably...
23:53Well, you said you wanted a quiet wedding, but you didn't say anything about the reception.
23:56Oh, Dad, I think we ought to explain that.
23:59The phone-in'-around he had to do.
24:01Ed, there's a dozen telegrams.
24:04Congratulations, and welcome to the family, Robin.
24:08Thank you very much, Mr., Mr., Mr., um...
24:11Nichols.
24:11Nichols.
24:12Give us a speech.
24:13We want a speech!
24:15We want a speech!
24:16You're on your own.
24:18That's it.
24:18You persuade him, Mrs. Tripp.
24:23Yes, well, you see, we really don't deserve this, you know, really.
24:32No, really, we don't, you know.
24:35Because, you know, for reasons I will come to in a minute, um...
24:41You see, we really didn't actually...
24:45Oh, well.
24:46No, no, no, no, no.
25:16No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
25:21No, no, no, no, no, no.
25:28Bye-bye.
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