- 5 weeks ago
Category
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FunTranscript
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00:24.
00:25So you're...
00:26You're sure you'll be all right?
00:27What, Besser?
00:28I said you're sure you'll be all right.
00:29Will you get me my bed jacket?
00:31Er, bed jacket.
00:32In the drawer, the blue one, in the drawer.
00:35Oh.
00:36Now, you won't forget the fire deal tomorrow, will you?
00:40No, I won't, dear, no, I can cope, you know.
00:42This one?
00:43That's not blue.
00:44Well, it's got blue things on it.
00:46They're flowers, and I didn't ask for the one with the flowers, did I?
00:49No, you didn't quite right.
00:50No, I only picked that one up to annoy you, actually.
00:52I mean...
00:53What have you got all this stuff for?
00:55What?
00:56I mean, you're only here three days, you're gonna play charades every night.
00:58This one?
00:59Is it blue?
01:00Oh, it's bluish, I suppose.
01:01Now, you will remember to collect the stuff from Thomas's, won't you?
01:05Yes, I will.
01:06Oh, and I forgot to scrape the mould off the cheddar this morning, so remind you.
01:11Right.
01:12Yes.
01:13And do try and find time to get the moosey's head up.
01:16Oh.
01:17It's been sitting there for two weeks, Basil.
01:20Yes, yes, yes.
01:21I don't know why you bought it.
01:23It will lend the lobby a certain ambience, Sybil.
01:26Has a touch of style about it.
01:27Got a touch of mange about it.
01:29That is not so.
01:30It's got things living in it, Basil.
01:32It's nasty.
01:33It is not nasty.
01:34It is superb.
01:35I'm not going to argue with you, Basil.
01:37Just get it up out of the way.
01:38I don't want to snag any more cardies on it.
01:41And will you get me my telephone book, please?
01:43I mean, it's not as if I don't have enough to do.
01:45I mean, I'm on my own.
01:46The Germans are arriving tomorrow.
01:47It's not till lunchtime.
01:48You can do it in the morning.
01:49I've got the fire bill in the morning.
01:50Well, that only takes ten minutes in the bag.
01:52Oh, I thought slavery had been abolished.
01:55Don't you ever think about anybody but yourself?
01:58Oh.
01:59In the bag.
02:00Oh, yes, in the bag.
02:01Yes, yes.
02:02Let me do it.
02:03You just lie there with your feet up,
02:04and I'll go and carry you on the other way to Lime Creams.
02:07I am actually about to undergo an operation, Basil.
02:10Oh, yes, how is the old toenail?
02:13Still growing in, hmm?
02:14Still burrowing its way down to the bone,
02:16still macheteing its way through the nerve, eh?
02:18Oh, nasty old nail.
02:21He's still hurting, if that's what you mean, Basil.
02:23Well, it'll be out in the morning, poor little devil.
02:25I wonder if they'd mount it for me just for old ties.
02:29I'm sure it's worth asking.
02:30You could hang it on the wall next to the moose.
02:32They'd go rather well together.
02:33Ah, there you are.
02:34Come along.
02:35Out you go.
02:38Who were you talking to me?
02:39I'm sorry.
02:40I thought there was a dog in here.
02:41Oh, no.
02:42No dogs in here.
02:43I wouldn't bet on it.
02:44Oh, no.
02:45Not allowed.
02:46Now, come along.
02:47You're in the way.
02:48Fawlty's the name.
02:49Mr. Fawlty.
02:50Let's sit you up a bit.
02:51Thank you, sister.
02:52Now, pop that under your tongue.
02:55You still here?
02:57Apparently.
02:59A doctor's coming.
03:00My God!
03:01A doctor?
03:02I mean, here in the hospital?
03:03Whatever can we do?
03:05You can leave.
03:07Why do they call you sister?
03:08Is it a term of endearment?
03:09No.
03:10Now, look, Mr. Fawlty.
03:11I'm not going to ask you again.
03:12Presumably, you wouldn't mind if I said goodbye to my wife.
03:14She is under the knife tomorrow.
03:16It's an ingrowing toenail.
03:18Oh, you know, do you?
03:19Well, that'll help.
03:21Take care now.
03:22And if you can think of any more things for me to do,
03:24don't hesitate to call.
03:26Finished?
03:27Just.
03:28Thank you so much.
03:29Not at all.
03:30Charmed, I'm sure.
03:31In-growing toenail, right foot.
03:32You'll find it on the end of the leg.
03:34Bye-bye, dear.
03:38Mr. Fawlty?
03:39Yes, sir.
03:40Dr. Phil.
03:42Oh, oh, how do you do, doctor?
03:44You've just seen your wife.
03:45Yes, yes, just saying goodbye.
03:47Well, au revoir.
03:48Yes.
03:49Well, it is a very simple operation.
03:51But it would be quite painful afterwards.
03:53With it?
03:54With it?
03:55Oh, dear.
03:56Just for a time.
03:57But please, don't worry.
03:58No, well, I'll try not to.
04:00Quite, er, quite painful.
04:02Yes.
04:11Evening, Major.
04:12Evening, Fawlty.
04:13Hampshire One.
04:14Did it?
04:15Oh, isn't that good.
04:16How splendid.
04:17Oh, Fawlty.
04:18Um, how's...
04:19How's...
04:20My wife?
04:21Oh, that's it.
04:22Fine.
04:23Absolutely fine.
04:24They're taking it out tomorrow morning.
04:25Is she?
04:26Good.
04:27For her, the nail.
04:28They won't have operated till tomorrow.
04:29What?
04:30The nail.
04:31They're taking it out tomorrow.
04:32Well, how...
04:33How did she get a nail in her?
04:34No, I thought I told you, Major.
04:35No, she's having her toenail out.
04:37What?
04:38Just the one of them?
04:39Well, it's an ingrowing one, Major.
04:40Oh, well, if it's causing you pain, you have it out.
04:43Exactly.
04:44So, I'm on my own now.
04:45Start running this place properly.
04:47Ah, so you aren't your own, are you?
04:49Apparently, er...
04:50Oh, she won't be away for long, will she?
04:51No, no, no, no.
04:52Not unless it's a serious mistake.
04:54Ah, you've always got elsewhere, have you?
04:56Who?
04:57Elsie.
04:58Was she, er...
04:59She left a couple of years ago, Major?
05:01Funny, I thought I saw her yesterday.
05:03No, I don't think so.
05:04She's in Canada.
05:05Strange creatures, women.
05:07Well, can't stand around all...
05:08I knew one once.
05:10Spanky-looking girl, tall, you know.
05:13Val was a banker.
05:14Really?
05:15Don't remember the name of the bank.
05:17Well, don't mind.
05:18I must have been keen on her because I...
05:20Because I took her to see India.
05:23India?
05:24At the Oval.
05:27Fine match.
05:28A marvellous finish.
05:29Now, Sunny had to get 33 in about a half an hour,
05:32and she went off to her...
05:34...brow her hands or something.
05:36Women...
05:37Never came back.
05:39What a shame.
05:40And the strange thing was that throughout the morning
05:43she kept referring to the Indians as niggers.
05:46No, no, no, no, no, I said.
05:48Niggers are the West Indians.
05:50These people are wogs.
05:53Oh, no, no, no, she said.
05:55All cricketers are niggers.
05:57They do get awfully confused, don't they?
05:59They're not thinkers.
06:00I say it with Sybil every day.
06:01I do wish I could remember her name.
06:03She's still got my wallet.
06:05As I was saying, no capacity for logical thought.
06:08Who?
06:10Women.
06:11Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
06:12I thought you meant Indians.
06:14No, no, no, no.
06:15Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said they have minds like Swiss cheese?
06:18What do you mean, hard?
06:20No, no, full of holes.
06:22Really?
06:24Indians?
06:25No, no, women.
06:26Oh.
06:27Yes, can we help you?
06:29Hello.
06:30You see, three years at college, she doesn't know the time of day.
06:32Oh, about two minutes to six.
06:35What are you looking for?
06:36My German book.
06:37Oh, we've got some Germans arriving tomorrow morning, Major.
06:39So, Polly's brushing up another one of her languages.
06:42Germans, coming here.
06:44Oh, just for a couple of days, Major.
06:46I don't care much for Germans.
06:48Well, I know what you mean, but...
06:49Bunch of cots!
06:50That's something they are!
06:51All of them!
06:52Bad eggs!
06:53Well, yes, forgive and forget, Major.
06:55I mean, God knows how the bastards do.
06:58I'd better put the moose up.
07:00Well, you've got to love them, I suppose, haven't you?
07:03Germans?
07:04No, no, no.
07:05Women.
07:06I hate Germans.
07:07Love women.
07:08What about German women?
07:11Good card players.
07:13But mind, I wouldn't give them time of day.
07:16Found it.
07:17I don't know what you're bothering with that for.
07:19Well, they said someone didn't speak English.
07:21Well, that's their problem, isn't it?
07:23I don't know why she's got to complicate everything.
07:26Ugh!
07:27Got her cardie, did you?
07:29LAUGHTER
07:32LAUGHTER
07:34Hi, Joe!
07:38Nearly six o'clock, well, dear.
07:40Is it?
07:41Yes.
07:42Well, when you're ready, I might have a fruit juice or...
07:45Yes, well, I'll open up the moment I've done this, Major, yes.
07:48Oh, no, no, no, immediate hurry.
07:51Drunken old sod.
07:53LAUGHTER
07:54Holly!
07:56PHONE RINGS
07:57Holly!
08:00PHONE RINGS
08:01Manuel!
08:02PHONE RINGS
08:05PHONE RINGS
08:07PHONE RINGS
08:09Yes, faulty towers, hello.
08:11I was just doing it, you stupid woman.
08:14I just put it down to come here to be reminded by you
08:17to do what I'm already doing.
08:18I mean, what is the point of reminding me
08:20to do what I'm already doing?
08:21I mean, what is the bloody point?
08:22I'm doing it, aren't I?
08:26Yes, yes, I picked it up, yes.
08:28No, no, I haven't had a chance yet.
08:30I've been at it solidly ever since I got back.
08:32Yes, I will, yes.
08:34No, I haven't yet, but I will, yes.
08:36Yes, yes, I know it is, yes.
08:38I'll try and get it cleared up.
08:39Anything else?
08:40I mean, would you like the hotel moved a bit to the left, or...?
08:42LAUGHTER
08:43That's right, well, enjoy the operation, dear.
08:45Let's hope nothing goes wrong.
08:46Wish it was an ingrained tongue.
08:49LAUGHTER
08:50Yes!
08:51Oh, it's the admirable Crichton, well...
08:54You call, sir?
08:56Last week, but not to worry.
08:58OK?
08:59Oh, Buddha.
09:00Look, go and get me a hammer.
09:03Er, como?
09:04Hammer.
09:05Hammer?
09:06Oh, a hammer sandwich!
09:07Oh, do I have to go through this every time?
09:09Look, a hammer!
09:11Hammer!
09:12My hamster?
09:13No, not your hamster!
09:14How can I knock a nail in with your hamster?
09:16Well, I could try.
09:17No, it doesn't matter.
09:18All right, I'll get it.
09:19You come here and tidy.
09:20You know?
09:21Tidy!
09:22Oh, tidy.
09:23Yes, I get hammer and hit you on the head with it.
09:24Oh, tidy.
09:25Hammer, hammer.
09:27How are you, sir?
09:29You see, I speak English well.
09:31I learn it from a book.
09:34Hello.
09:35I am English.
09:37Hello.
09:41How are you, sir?
09:46I can speak English.
09:51Ah, hello, Major.
09:52How are you today?
09:56I'm fine, thank you.
09:59It's a beautiful day today.
10:02Is it?
10:03Oh, yes, yes, I suppose it is.
10:05Yes, I can speak English.
10:08I learned it from a book.
10:11Did you?
10:12Did you?
10:13Oh, there you are, Fawlty.
10:15Yes, I'm just going to open up, Major.
10:17Oh, fine.
10:18I say, that's a remarkable animal you have there, Fawlty.
10:22Where did you get it?
10:23Samson's in the town.
10:25Really?
10:26Was it expensive?
10:28Er, £12, eh?
10:30Good Lord.
10:31Japanese, was it?
10:35Canadian, I think, Major.
10:36I didn't know the Canadians was clever as that.
10:39Thank God.
10:41He's started early.
10:46Polly?
10:47What's that smell?
10:48Flowers.
10:49I just got them from the garden.
10:51What are you stinking the place out with those for?
10:53What's happened to the plastic ones?
10:55Being ironed.
10:59Oh, will you answer that, please?
11:00I'm trying to put this up.
11:02Fawlty Towers?
11:04Oh, hello, Mrs Fawlty.
11:05I'm doing it!
11:06I'm doing it now!
11:07Tell her I'm doing it now!
11:09He says he's doing it now.
11:10How's the nail?
11:11I wish it was this one.
11:12There!
11:13Tell the Tyrant Queen her cardies are safe forever!
11:17Mr Moose is up!
11:19It's done!
11:20Done!
11:21Done!
11:22It's up!
11:25It's down again!
11:27Did you do it as a wall?
11:29Give it to me!
11:30Give it to me!
11:32He just fell over Manuel,
11:34and he seems to have got himself jammed over the wooden chair!
11:37Oh, Mr Fawlty!
11:38And the flowers have just fallen on him!
11:39What are you doing?
11:40No, everything else is fine!
11:41Oh, Mr Fawlty!
11:42He's up!
11:43Good!
11:44Up!
11:45Up!
11:46Up!
11:47Up!
11:48Pacing him!
11:49Very good!
11:51Right!
11:52Good!
11:59He's good!
12:00He's good!
12:01Oh, what is...
12:07Right!
12:08Well, go on!
12:09Get back to your work!
12:1012 pounds!
12:14Good morning!
12:15Good morning!
12:16You know there's a fire drill in a few minutes, do you?
12:18No!
12:19No, we didn't!
12:20You hadn't read the notice?
12:21No!
12:22Right!
12:23Well, when you hear the bell,
12:24if you'd be so kind as to get out for a few moments,
12:25we have to clear the building.
12:26Thank you so much!
12:27Mr Fawlty, you know it's nearly 12?
12:28Yes!
12:29Well, the fire drill!
12:30Yes, I hadn't forgotten!
12:31You know, I just told somebody I can't cope!
12:33I mean, you know what you're doing, do you?
12:35Help get people out of the bedrooms upstairs!
12:37While learning two oriental languages, yes!
12:39Mr Fawlty?
12:40Yes?
12:41Who else is doing the upstairs?
12:42Only you!
12:43It doesn't take a moment!
12:44Yes, but I'm only here at mealtimes!
12:45So?
12:46Well, what happens if there's a fire when I'm not here?
12:48Who does the upstairs then?
12:50Well, we'll worry about that when we come to it, shall we?
12:52What's the panic?
12:53There's always going to be an argument about everything!
12:55PHONE RINGS
12:56Hello?
12:57Fawlty Towers?
12:58Oh, what is it now?
13:00Can't you leave me in peace?
13:02Yes!
13:03Yes!
13:04We're just going to have it!
13:05I hadn't forgotten!
13:06Yes!
13:07I know!
13:08I know I need the key!
13:09It's on the top of the...
13:10Well, where is it?
13:12What you put it in there for, nobody's going to steal it, are they?
13:15Yes!
13:16Yes!
13:17I know that you know, but I don't!
13:18Yes!
13:19Yes!
13:20I do now!
13:21Thank you so much!
13:22I put something down!
13:23I know where it is!
13:24So she has to come along and move the damn thing so that I can't find it!
13:27PHONE RINGS
13:29Well, what'd she put that on?
13:30Oh, I might forget!
13:31PHONE RINGS
13:32Sorry!
13:33Sorry, Major!
13:34Only the burglar alarm!
13:35Sorry, Miss Tibbs!
13:36What?
13:37That was the burglar alarm!
13:38The fire drill's not for a couple of minutes!
13:39Sorry!
13:40Excuse me!
13:41No, no!
13:42My wife left the...
13:43Excuse me!
13:44Yes?
13:45Sorry, that wasn't the fire bell!
13:46Sorry, that was just the...
13:47I thought there was a drill!
13:48Yes, there is, at 12 o'clock, but not yet!
13:49But it is 12 o'clock!
13:50Well, not quite!
13:51Thank you!
13:52Excuse me!
13:53Will I make it 12 o'clock?
13:54I'm afraid that wasn't the...
13:55What time do you make it, Major?
13:56Look!
13:57Burglar's about, I think!
13:58It doesn't matter what time he makes it, it hasn't started yet!
14:00What?
14:01It hasn't started yet!
14:02But that was the bell, wasn't it?
14:04No!
14:05He means the drill hasn't started yet!
14:07What drill?
14:08We didn't hear a drill!
14:09No, no, look!
14:10That was the burglar alarm!
14:11See?
14:12The burglar alarm!
14:13Yes!
14:14Are there burglars?
14:15Evidently!
14:16No, look, what's the matter with you all?
14:17It's perfectly simple!
14:18We have the fire drill when I ring the fire bell!
14:20That wasn't the fire bell, right?
14:22Well, how are we supposed to know that wasn't the fire bell?
14:24Because it doesn't sound like the fire bell!
14:26It didn't!
14:27It didn't!
14:28It did!
14:29No, it didn't!
14:30The fire bell is a different...
14:31It's a semitone higher!
14:32A semitone?
14:33At least, anyway, the fire drill doesn't start till 12 o'clock!
14:36It is 12 o'clock!
14:38Well, it is now, but that's because we've been standing about arguing about it!
14:42Look!
14:43How on earth could you expect us to tell which bell is which?
14:46Oh!
14:47We haven't heard them yet, have we?
14:48You want to hear them?
14:49Right!
14:50Suits me!
14:51Here's the burglar alarm!
14:52Ought we to catch them first!
14:53There aren't any!
14:54Then why does the alarm keep going?
14:56All right!
14:57Got that?
14:58Right!
14:59What's happening now?
15:00Now, here's the fire bell!
15:02Right?
15:03It's a completely different sound!
15:04Listen!
15:08Well, where are you going?
15:09Well, there is a drill, isn't there?
15:11No!
15:12No!
15:13No!
15:14No!
15:15No!
15:16This is so that you can hear the bell so you know in a moment when I ring the bell!
15:18What are you doing?
15:19Will you come back?
15:20We're going offline!
15:21No!
15:22Just listen to it, you old fool!
15:24Listen to it!
15:25Fire!
15:26Fire!
15:27Everybody up!
15:28No!
15:29Will you shut up?
15:30Oh!
15:31Will you shut up?
15:32It's fire!
15:33It's not fire!
15:34It's only bell!
15:35Where are you going?
15:36Upstairs!
15:37There isn't a drill yet!
15:38I'm just showing them what the bell sounds like!
15:40Now, will you go in there?
15:41Go help Chef!
15:42Chef not here!
15:43Well, go and start the chip!
15:44Chef?
15:45Yes!
15:46When bell, go again, stand!
15:47No fire!
15:48Only practice!
15:49Tell him, Polly!
15:50Thank you, ladies and gentlemen!
15:51Thank you so much!
15:52Perhaps I'm upstairs!
15:53What have you now?
15:54Now!
15:55We'll have it!
16:00Now!
16:01Are we all agreed on what the fire drill sounds like?
16:04Yes!
16:05Splendid!
16:06Well, now that's settled, we'll have the fire drill which will commence in exactly 30 seconds
16:10from now!
16:11Thank you so much!
16:18What are you doing?
16:19I mean, are you just going to stand there?
16:22Well, what do you suggest?
16:23Well, couldn't money or two of you go in the bar and a few in the dining room?
16:26I mean, use your imagination!
16:27What?
16:28Well, this is supposed to be a fire drill!
16:30There's only a few seconds!
16:32Right!
16:33Right!
16:34Well, stay where you are!
16:35Because obviously, if there was a fire, you'd all be standing down here like this in
16:38the lobby, wouldn't you?
16:39I don't know why we bother!
16:40We should let you all burn!
16:45Oh, no!
16:46No, no, no!
16:47Please!
16:48No, no, no!
16:49Yes!
16:50Yes!
16:51No!
16:52No!
16:53Oh!
16:54Oh!
16:55Oh!
16:56No!
16:57Oh!
16:58Oh!
16:59Oh!
17:00Oh!
17:01Oh!
17:02Oh!
17:03Fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire!
17:07No, no, there aren't any, Major.
17:09It went off by accident.
17:10Oh, come on, and join us.
17:12Oh, thank you, thank you so much.
17:14Fire, fire, fire, fire!
17:16No, no!
17:17Yes!
17:18Yes, yes!
17:18Look, will you get back in there?
17:20Yes, yes, no!
17:21Fire, fire!
17:23Shut up!
17:23I mean, just get on with your foot.
17:25Mr. Barney, it's fire!
17:26Did you hear what I said?
17:28No, but it's fire!
17:29It's no fire, it's only drill!
17:31It's fire, it's fire, it's fire!
17:33It's no fire!
17:34It's no fire!
17:35It's no fire!
17:36It's no fire!
17:38It's no fire!
17:39Everybody's out upstairs!
17:40No man will listen to none of the night,
17:42nor there is no fire!
17:44Fire!
17:45Fire!
17:46Fire!
17:47Fire!
17:48What?
17:49I'll keep a fire department having for another six months,
17:51and why be bothered?
17:52Will you shut up?
17:53Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
17:57Come back in now.
17:58Oh, that's nice.
17:59Never mind.
18:00Wait.
18:01I'm feeling this.
18:02I haven't had it.
18:03Shut up!
18:04Yes, I will.
18:05Have you told to have a bunch of cheddar?
18:08Oh!
18:09Forty!
18:10Mr. Forty!
18:11Yes!
18:12This is an awful round!
18:13Yes, I know.
18:14Right, right.
18:16Thank you so much for poking a nose in what's up to you.
18:19Oh, you don't have a list.
18:20Ooh!
18:21You don't have a list, or save your...
18:22If you don't have a list, I'll make it your...
18:24You'll put a list.
18:25Ooh!
18:26Ooh!
18:28Right, ladies and gentlemen, could I have everyone down here in the lobby?
18:32Oh, yes.
18:33Sorry.
18:34Sorry.
18:35Sorry, for the saving my list, but there is something that I think I ought to mention.
18:39I'm not quite sure how this has been at this hotel before
18:44and I'm not quite sure how it's started now.
18:46What is it?
18:48Well, the point is, can I put it this way?
18:51Erm...
18:53Fire!
18:54What?
18:55Fire!
18:56F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-Fire!
18:58Fire!
18:59Fire!
19:00Where?
19:01Fire!
19:02Fire!
19:03Fire!
19:04Fire!
19:05Fire!
19:06Fire!
19:07Fire!
19:08What do you want?
19:10Bring me along!
19:12Bring me along! Right, right!
19:14Where's the key?
19:16Where is the key? I mean, would you believe it?
19:18I mean, would you believe it? The first time we've ever had a fire here in this hotel
19:22and somebody's lost the key!
19:24Isn't that typical of this place?
19:26Well, thank you, God! Thank you so bloody much!
19:30Where's the glass?
19:32Where's the glass?
19:34Hello! Thank you!
19:44Thank you!
19:46Open the door!
19:48Thank you!
19:54Hey!
19:56Manwell!
19:58Pull! Pull!
20:00Open the door!
20:02Hey!
20:04Hey!
20:05Hey!
20:06Hey!
20:07Hey!
20:08Hey!
20:09Hey!
20:10Hey!
20:11Hey!
20:12Hey!
20:13Hey!
20:15Hey!
20:16Hey!
20:18Hey!
20:20Oh, you're...
20:22Oh, I'm trying to wait a...
20:24Well, thank you for coming to see me.
20:42Oh, not at all. I was just, er...
20:44How are you feeling?
20:46The fire!
20:47It's all...
20:48The fire!
20:48It's out. There's not much...
20:50Oh, my God, where is it? What are they?
20:51What are you doing?
20:52Gotta get back.
20:53Gotta get back.
20:54Basil, will you get back into bed?
20:55Listen, what is it now?
20:57I'm going to call someone if you don't get back into bed.
20:59Listen, Simor, please. I'll handle this if you don't mind.
21:02Now, what sort of a room do you want?
21:04Basil!
21:05Oh, you want it? I can't stand around chattering all day.
21:07I've got to get back.
21:08Basil, you are not well. The doctor says you've got concussion.
21:11You must rest.
21:12I'll rest when I get to the hotel.
21:13I've just spoken to Polly. They are managing personal...
21:16Do you know what that fire extinguisher did?
21:18It exploded in my face.
21:20I mean, what is the point of a fire extinguisher?
21:22It sits there for months, and when you actually have a fire,
21:25when you actually need the bloody thing, it blows your head off.
21:28I mean, what is happening to this country? It's bloody Wilson.
21:33That's a lot of noise.
21:34Now, what are you doing out of your bed?
21:36I'm going home, thank you so much.
21:38Yes, well, we'll let the doctor decide that now, shall we?
21:40No, let's not.
21:41Now, come along.
21:41Don't touch me. I don't know where you've been.
21:43Yes.
21:43Yes.
21:44We must have our little jokes.
21:47Yes, we must, mustn't we?
21:49My God, you're ugly, aren't you?
21:54Basil?
21:54Hmm?
21:55I'll get the doctor.
21:56You need a plastic surgeon, dear, not a doctor.
21:58Get back into bed.
22:03You've not seen her realise that I'm needed at the hotel.
22:06No, you're not. It's running beautifully without you.
22:08Polly cannot cope.
22:10Well, she can't fall over waiters, or get herself jammed under desks,
22:13or start burglar alarms, or lock people in burning rooms,
22:16or fire fire extinguishers straight in her own face.
22:18But I should think the hotel can do without her sort of coping for a couple of days.
22:21What do you think, Basil?
22:23What?
22:24Oh, hello, doctor.
22:25Out of bed, Mr Fortin?
22:26Ah, sort of. Oh, there they are.
22:27Well, better get back into bed.
22:29Feel a little bit woozy.
22:31You will for a time, Mr Fortin.
22:32You will.
22:33Yes, quite, quite.
22:35You should get as much rest as you can.
22:38As much rest as you can.
22:40As much rest as you can.
22:42Oh, I'm in there.
22:44Oh, I'm in there.
22:48Oh, I'm in there.
22:56Oh, Mr Fortin.
23:21Ah, good evening.
23:22Are you all right now?
23:23Perfectly, thank you.
23:23Take this to the room, please, dear.
23:25Are you sure you're all right?
23:27Perfectly, thank you.
23:28Right as rain.
23:35You okay?
23:37Fine, thank you, dear.
23:38You go and have a lie down.
23:39Okay.
23:40Ah, there you are.
23:41Will you take my case?
23:42How did you get there?
23:44What?
23:44Oh, never mind.
23:46Take it.
23:47Take it upstairs.
23:48Okay.
23:48Take it.
23:49Take it.
23:50I go get Polly.
23:51I've already had one.
23:52Take it.
23:52Take it now.
23:54God, the people I have to deal with.
23:57Press in the Deutsch.
23:59I beg your pardon?
24:00I'm sorry, could you say that again?
24:05You speak German?
24:07Oh, German.
24:08I'm sorry.
24:09I thought there was something wrong with you.
24:10Oh, of course.
24:13The Germans.
24:13You speak German?
24:15Well, a little.
24:16I get by.
24:17Ein bisschen.
24:18Ah, wir wollen ein Auto mieten.
24:20Well, why not?
24:21Bitte.
24:22Yes, a little bit tricky.
24:23Would you mind saying it again?
24:24Please.
24:25Could you repeat?
24:26Amplify?
24:27You know, via...
24:28Yes, yes.
24:28Via.
24:29Via, yes.
24:30Well, we'll come back to that.
24:31Wollen.
24:31Wollen.
24:32Voluntary.
24:33Ein Auto mieten.
24:34Auto.
24:35Auto.
24:35Oh, I see.
24:36You're volunteering to go out to get some meat.
24:39Not necessary.
24:40We have meat here.
24:42We have meat here in the building.
24:53Oh, Polly, just explaining about the meat.
24:55Oh, we weren't expecting you.
24:56Oh, weren't you?
24:57They're Germans.
24:58Don't mention the war.
24:59I see.
24:59Well, Mrs. Fawlty said you were going to have a rest for a couple of days, you know, in
25:04the hospital.
25:04Idle hands get in the way of the devil's work, Fawlty.
25:08Now.
25:09Right.
25:09Well, why don't you go and have a lie down and I can deal with this?
25:11Yes, yes.
25:12Good idea.
25:13Good idea, Elsie.
25:13Yes.
25:14Bit of a headache, actually.
25:15We don't think you're well, Mr. Fawlty.
25:17Well, perhaps not, but I'll live longer than you.
25:19You must have hurt yourself.
25:23My dear woman, a blow on the head like that is worth two in the bush.
25:29Oh, no.
25:30But it was a nasty knock.
25:32Mmm.
25:32Would you like one?
25:33Next, please.
25:35Mr. Fawlty, are these Germans too?
25:37Oh, yes, sir.
25:38I can do them.
25:38Right, right.
25:39Here's the plan.
25:39Then I'll stand there and ask them if they want something to drink before the war.
25:44Before their lunch.
25:47Don't mention the war.
25:52Yeah, yeah.
25:53Right now.
26:01Can we help you?
26:06Are you speaking English?
26:07Of course.
26:08Ah, wonderful.
26:09Ah, please allow me to introduce myself.
26:13I am the owner of Fawlty Towers.
26:15And may I welcome your war?
26:17Your war?
26:18You war?
26:18You war?
26:19You war?
26:20And hope that your stay will be a happy one.
26:23Now, would you like to eat first?
26:25Or would you like a drink before the war?
26:27Ning.
26:28That.
26:28Our trespasses will be tied up with piano one.
26:31Sorry.
26:32Sorry.
26:33I'm trying to get the old leg.
26:35Such a shrapnel in the war.
26:37Korean.
26:37Korean.
26:38I'm more sorry than Korean.
26:40We will eat now.
26:41Oh, good.
26:42Please, do allow me.
26:43May I say how pleased we are to have some Europeans here now that we are on the continent?
26:47Can I speak to Dr Finn, please?
26:50I didn't vote for it myself, quite honestly, but now that we're in, I'm determined to make
26:53it work.
26:53So I'd like to welcome you all to Britain.
26:55The place is grilled, but that doesn't matter.
26:57There's life in the old thing yet.
26:58Wait a moment.
26:59Got a bit confused there.
26:59Oh, yes.
27:00The place is grilled.
27:01In fact, the whole room's a bit warm, isn't it?
27:03I'll open a window.
27:03Have a look.
27:04And the veal chop is done with rosemary.
27:07Funny.
27:08I thought you'd go to Canada.
27:08The pan is delicious and nutritious.
27:12In fact, it's vealy good.
27:14Vealy good.
27:15The veal is good.
27:17Yes, doesn't matter.
27:18Doesn't matter.
27:18Never mind.
27:19May we have two ex-marnaces to do?
27:21Certainly.
27:21Why not?
27:22Why not indeed?
27:23We are all friends now.
27:24A prawn cocktail.
27:25All in the markets together.
27:27No differences forgotten and no need at all to mention the war.
27:30Sorry.
27:31Sorry.
27:31What was it again?
27:32The prawn cocktail.
27:33Oh, prawn.
27:34That was it.
27:34When you said prawn, I thought you said war.
27:37Oh, the war.
27:38Oh, yes.
27:39Completely slipped my mind.
27:40Yes, I've forgotten all about it.
27:41Hitler, Himmler and all that.
27:43Oh, yes.
27:43Completely forgotten it.
27:44Just like that.
27:47Sorry.
27:47What was it again?
27:48A prawn cocktail.
27:49Oh, yes.
27:50Leave a prawn.
27:51Yes.
27:51And Goebbels.
27:52Too easy.
27:52I don't hardly remember at all.
27:54And I'm pickled hank.
27:55Hermann Goring.
27:56Yes, yes.
27:57And von Ribbelchops.
27:58That was another one.
27:59And four cold meat salads, please.
28:01Certainly.
28:01Well, I'll just get your hors d'oeuvres.
28:04H hors d'oeuvres, which must be obeyed at all times without question.
28:08Sorry.
28:08Sorry.
28:09Sorry.
28:09Sorry.
28:09Will you please call your wife immediately?
28:11Sim off.
28:12Sim off.
28:13She's in the hospital, you silly girl.
28:15Yes, call her there.
28:16I can't.
28:16I've got too much to do.
28:17Listen, don't mention the war.
28:19I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it, all right.
28:22So, it's all forgotten now, and let's hear no more about it.
28:25So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Hermann Goring, and four cold meat salads.
28:31Now, wait a minute.
28:32I got a bit confused here.
28:33Sorry.
28:33I got a bit confused because everyone keeps mentioning the war.
28:36So, could you...
28:36What's the matter?
28:37It's all right.
28:39Is there something wrong?
28:40Will you stop talking about the war?
28:42Me?
28:42You started it?
28:43We did not start it.
28:45Yes, you did.
28:45You invaded Poland.
28:48Yeah.
28:48Yeah.
28:49Yeah.
28:49It's a jaguar.
28:50You'll like this one.
28:51There's this woman.
28:52She's completely stupid.
28:53She'd never remember anything.
28:54And her husband's in a bomber over Berlin.
28:57Oh, sorry.
28:58Sorry.
28:59Yeah.
28:59Yeah.
28:59She'll love this one.
29:00She'll laugh at...
29:01Leave her alone.
29:02No, this is a street.
29:03I mean, I've never seen anyone not laugh at this.
29:04Go away!
29:05Look, she'll love it.
29:06She's German.
29:08No, Mr. Porter.
29:09What?
29:10Do Jimmy Cagney instead.
29:11What?
29:12Jimmy Cagney.
29:13Jimmy Cagney?
29:14I know.
29:14Yo, darling, right.
29:15I can't do Jimmy Cagney.
29:17Please try.
29:18I'm going to get you...
29:19Shut up.
29:20Yeah, what?
29:21Who's this then?
29:22Stuck you, but...
29:24I'll do the funny walk.
29:27He's going to...
29:29Stop it!
29:36Stop it!
29:38I'm trying to cheer her up, you stupid crowd.
29:41Don't!
29:42It's funny!
29:44Funny?
29:45Not funny?
29:46You're joking!
29:47It's not funny for her, not for us, not for any German people.
29:51You have absolutely no sense of humour, do you?
29:54This is not funny!
29:55Oh, what the bloody war anyway!
29:58Mr. Forty, you'll be all right.
30:00Come with me.
30:01Fine.
30:01Fine.
30:02No, you hit him on the head.
30:28No naughty moose.
30:31Whatever did they win.
30:33lubricant, sure, but some chacaksın.
30:38duty at the speech, no luck.
30:42Come, it's funny!
30:42I know.
30:44Yes.
30:45No baby.
30:46Yes.
30:46bite him.
30:48There's a mug, I know.
30:48Damn you.
30:49McIntyre.
30:49I know you can listen.
30:51And then I have to pray.
30:52And then I have to pray.
30:52Amen.
30:53Bye now.
30:53And now.
30:54And now we begin these men.
30:56I know you will live here.
30:56Good boy.
30:57Hit me.
30:58Good boy.
30:58Yeah.
30:59Now he has to dig back in my mind.
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