- 5 hours ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00¶¶
00:30¶¶
00:34¶¶
00:38¶¶
00:40¶¶
00:42¶¶
00:48¶¶
00:52¶¶
00:56¶¶
01:07¶¶
01:14¶¶
01:15Can you stand on tiptoe or better still put a pair of my high heels on?
01:18I think not. Christy, why aren't you doing this?
01:20I can't wear that colour. It clashes with my eyes.
01:23Yes, well, it doesn't exactly suit me, either.
01:25No, you're more the slinky satin type with long drop earrings.
01:28Listen, I'm very masculine, I'll let you know.
01:31And anyone who says otherwise, I shall scratch their eyes out.
01:34Look, can't you sound a bit more like me?
01:38Attractive and seemingly unaware of your gorgeous body.
01:40I haven't got the bum for it.
01:42What a big head.
01:44Hey, is this your brother? Standing next to that little girl?
01:47Yeah, that's him. But that is not a little girl.
01:50Well, it looks like a little...
01:51Oh, sorry.
01:55It's just that I had longer hair then, that's all.
01:58He's taller than you are.
01:59Well, he had thicker socks on than me.
02:01And he was two years older.
02:02I didn't even know you had a brother. You never talk about him.
02:05I don't talk about my grandma, but I've got one.
02:07She's taller than me as well.
02:09Norman winning the cricket cup.
02:11Norman winning the form prize.
02:12Norman winning the hundred yards.
02:14Listen, there's more in life, you know, than simply coming first.
02:16Yeah, there's coming second. There's photographs of you doing it.
02:20Well, that's a shame, because I was getting to like it.
02:22Hey? Oh, I don't know.
02:25Tell you what, just keep an eye out of the window.
02:27Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
02:29No, it's Norman, bounding over the rooftops on his bionic legs.
02:36I was carried away with mad passion.
02:39When was this?
02:42Not me, this vicar.
02:44It seems he gave a lift to her 18-year-old Miss X.
02:48She goes about this, Miss X.
02:49She was in last week.
02:51With a co-op built-in.
02:53My nightmare journey in his boot.
02:57Is there anything in there about men helping wives in the washing up?
03:00No, I don't think so.
03:01Well, it's not an offence, is it?
03:02If it is, you're not guilty.
03:05When was the last time you picked up a dishcloth, George?
03:07Just now, when I handed it to you.
03:10But you didn't use it, George.
03:12I mean, there's no point in having something in your hand
03:14if you aren't going to use it.
03:18What do you mean, Margaret, Mildred?
03:20I dirty the plates.
03:24When was the last time we ate out, George?
03:26Oh, er, well, there was, er...
03:28No, not counting the jelly deals you bought me on my birthday.
03:32No, I mean a proper restaurant, you know,
03:34with wine, paper napkins,
03:37and metal knives and forks.
03:39These fast restaurants cost money, Mildred.
03:42With the two of us, it could come to over a quid.
03:44Well, that just shows how long it's been.
03:47Well, nothing would give you greater pleasure
03:48if we had the money, but...
03:50Where'd you get that from?
03:51Oh, I chanced on it, George, quite by accident,
03:54as I was dusting your wallet.
03:55Yeah, well, that's fine.
03:57All right, so now you can afford to take me out.
04:01Nothing would give you greater pleasure.
04:04LAUGHTER
04:05Oh, my God.
04:18Sorry.
04:19Sorry, Robin.
04:23LAUGHTER
04:23My socks are all soggy.
04:28I said I was sorry.
04:29What a daft place to put a puddle.
04:31They don't put puddles anywhere.
04:33They just...
04:33Oh, Chrissie.
04:34Joe.
04:35This is my brother, Norman.
04:37The one without the wet trousers.
04:38Hello.
04:39Hello.
04:40Hello.
04:41Excuse me, I'm just going to take my dress off.
04:43Ah.
04:43I don't usually have this effect on women.
04:45She has got another one on underneath.
04:47Always wears two during the winter months.
04:49Do sit down.
04:49Here, do sit down.
04:51Watch this.
04:51He's won prizes for it.
04:53Took less than an hour from Southampton.
04:55Very smooth run.
04:56That'll be your bionic legs.
04:57Copy?
05:00Yes, please.
05:02Messages.
05:03Mum says, are you wearing your vest,
05:04are you eating properly,
05:05and are you regular?
05:06Dad says, don't take notice of what Mum says.
05:09You're old enough to look after yourself.
05:11Mum says, ignore what Dad says.
05:12He's not your mum.
05:13And Dad says...
05:14That's all right, all right.
05:14I've heard it all before.
05:15That's what Dad said you'd say.
05:17Well, it's nice to meet you, Chrissie.
05:19Robin's description didn't do you justice.
05:21No?
05:21How could it?
05:22We need a Keats or a Shelly.
05:23Well, be careful.
05:24He's won prizes for this as well.
05:25Not that easily swept off my feet.
05:28Of course not.
05:29A beautiful girl like you must be used to compliments.
05:31Yes.
05:32We do go on.
05:34How long are you staying here?
05:35Two days.
05:36Oh, you'd better take your jacket off, then.
05:38It's busy.
05:40Actually, I've got a problem.
05:41There's a dinner dance tonight.
05:43Buyers and wives.
05:43I've got to go, but I haven't got a wife.
05:45I wonder if you could help me, Robin.
05:46You can't marry a brother.
05:47I just wondered if you knew a girl who might like caviar, champagne, that sort of stuff.
05:53I ahemmed first.
05:55Do you mean to say that you'd like...
05:57Oh, that's marvellous.
05:58Isn't that marvellous, Robin?
05:58No, it isn't.
05:59I've changed my mind.
06:00I will marry her.
06:01You haven't even asked yet.
06:02Sorry.
06:03Sorry.
06:03Robin, is it all right if I take this...
06:04Not him.
06:05Me.
06:05And I accept.
06:07Good.
06:08Eight o'clock.
06:09Lovely.
06:09He's going through.
06:13Bring him down.
06:14Oh, whip his legs from under him.
06:16Go for his angles.
06:17Never mind the ball.
06:18Get on with the game.
06:20God, you're a bunch of sissies.
06:21Oh, that's good coming from you, George.
06:24The last time you played blow football, they had to carry you off.
06:29In the old days, they knew when they'd been in the game.
06:31Stud marks like measles.
06:34Offside?
06:35Well, never.
06:36How was this under lunch, George?
06:38Yeah.
06:38What Sunday lunch?
06:40The one you've just eaten.
06:42Oh, yes.
06:42Oh, I have.
06:43Yeah, it's very nice.
06:44What was it?
06:45Beef.
06:46Not that you notice.
06:47You smother everything with tomato sauce.
06:48Yeah, well, it gives it a bit of flavour.
06:50It sticks to the plate, George.
06:52Yeah, so does your beef.
06:54It is murder trying to get it off.
06:56Look at that.
06:57Do you realise, George, that I must have washed out 40,000 plates since we've been married?
07:02You can't have done.
07:02We've only ever had six.
07:06Day in, day out.
07:07I'm absolutely sick.
07:09Still, George, you are going to take me out for at least one meal, aren't you?
07:12Yeah, yeah.
07:13All right.
07:13Sometime.
07:14Tomorrow.
07:15Yeah, all right.
07:15If it keeps you quiet.
07:17Foul!
07:17Put on it!
07:18God!
07:19Blimey.
07:20I don't know.
07:21Did you see that?
07:22Rhubarb pie, George?
07:23Yeah.
07:25Custard?
07:25Yeah.
07:27Or would you prefer tomato sauce?
07:29Yeah, Tom.
07:33Oh, get rid of it.
07:35No, not to him.
07:35He's on this.
07:36I guess, stupid.
07:37No, I know.
07:38200,000 quid he costs.
07:40They could have had my granny for a bug of crown.
07:43She'd have done a dance like that.
07:44No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
08:14They could have put it on the ten of shovels here.
08:18You see, but that red nine happened to be a red six.
08:22Oh.
08:23Oh.
08:25It's getting very late.
08:27Well, I'm playing as fast as I can.
08:29Chrissy isn't back yet.
08:31Isn't she?
08:31Oh, I hadn't noticed.
08:32I bet they're having a really nice time.
08:35They might not be.
08:36They might be very bored.
08:38Anyway, what should I worry?
08:39They're not worried about me sitting here bored while they are out there having a good time.
08:42Oh, well, I'm going to bed.
08:44Night.
08:44Good night.
08:44Oh, to hell with it.
08:47The ten of clover's on the red six.
09:03Oh, I'm so sorry.
09:05I was just opening the door.
09:07Oh, that's all right.
09:08I was just coming in.
09:09Good night, Norman.
09:12He's coming in too.
09:13Oh, is he?
09:14Oh, great.
09:16Well then, how was it?
09:18Pretty boring, I expect.
09:20Oh, it was a fabulous evening.
09:21Ice champagne, smoked salmon, chandeliers, full-string orchestra.
09:25Sounds pretty boring to me.
09:26Oh, marvellous orchestra.
09:29I could have danced all night.
09:31I could have danced all night and still have begged for more.
09:36I'll get the black coffees.
09:39No, no, no.
09:40Leave it to me.
09:41Leave it all to me.
09:42Oh, Chrissie, you're going into my bedroom.
09:45Oh, naughty boy.
09:51Chrissie is a marvellous dancer.
09:53I haven't had such a good partner since I won the gold medal in the Southern Area Championship.
09:57Look, I want words for you.
09:59Now, listen, Norman.
10:01Chrissie and I, right, well, we've sort of had a, um, you're always taking things that I want.
10:09I mean, like that teddy bear when I was a kid.
10:13It's just that I'm a bit worried about it, that's all.
10:16Well, I think it's in the trunk in the attic.
10:17Not that teddy bear.
10:18I think she's a bit tired.
10:29I think you'd better go.
10:30I haven't said goodnight yet.
10:31I'll say it for you.
10:32Yeah, but I wanted to make it a more sort of, you know, intimate goodnight.
10:34Well, you describe it and I'll do it.
10:36Cheerio.
10:36Uh, Chrissie, uh, Norman's had to go and I can't, I threw him out.
10:53He's very nice.
10:55Yeah, yes, he is.
10:56Um, I think we'd better take you to bed, yes?
10:58Mm.
10:59Come on, then.
11:00I like him.
11:02Huh?
11:03So we all do.
11:04Well, I mean, take away his dinner jacket, his suave chat, his flashy little white sports car.
11:10I mean, what are you left with?
11:11You.
11:11You.
11:34So, did, uh, Chrissie say anything to you when you put her to bed last night?
11:41Uh, yes.
11:42She said something about belonging to Glasgow.
11:44Dear old Glasgow, too.
11:47No, I mean about the evening, what they did exactly.
11:49No.
11:50Oh.
11:50Morning.
11:51What's for breakfast?
11:52Ah, bacon and eggs, my favourite.
11:54Oh, you're bright and early this morning, considering.
11:57Considering what?
11:57Oh, just because I've had three champagne cocktails last night, doesn't it?
12:01Oh, my God, I can't force it.
12:04Never mind, it was a very brave try.
12:06Mm.
12:07My eyelashes ache.
12:08Well, that's what happens when you have a good evening.
12:10Was it good?
12:11Tell me about it.
12:12You mean you don't remember?
12:13Well, of course I remember.
12:15Bits.
12:16Um, we parked the car and there was water.
12:19Things were going round and round.
12:21You were in a laundrette?
12:23Um, we were by the river.
12:25And we walked along the grass.
12:27And I remember looking up at the stars.
12:29From what angle?
12:30Vertical or horizontal?
12:31And then he kicked me a daffodil from a window box.
12:34And after that, things got a little bit...
12:35What do you mean, vertical or horizontal?
12:37Well, what I mean is, did Norman...
12:40Um, did he, um...
12:43Well, you know what I mean.
12:44No!
12:45Oh, good.
12:45I mean, no, I don't know what you mean.
12:47Well, I think he means that.
12:48I know what he means.
12:50Oh, good.
12:51Can someone tell me?
12:51Because I've forgotten.
12:52Oh, leave it up.
12:53Look, we're going to be late for work.
12:56Honestly, five champagne cocktails and eat because I'm anybody's.
12:59Five champagne?
12:59Just a minute!
13:01Just now, you said three champagne cocktails.
13:03And then you come in all hours of the morning.
13:05You know, it's really weird.
13:06I hear my mother's voice and I see him.
13:07Oh, don't worry.
13:08He's just jealous.
13:10Me?
13:11Jealous?
13:11Rubbish.
13:12Jealous of who?
13:13Morning.
13:14Morning.
13:15Just dropped by to thank you for last night.
13:16I enjoyed it.
13:18Sorry.
13:18Going to be late for work.
13:20Can I give you a lift?
13:21Uh, no, thank you.
13:21I'll use the stairs.
13:22Bye.
13:27Orchids, it's a bit flash, isn't it?
13:28Not at all.
13:29I grew them in a flannel.
13:30Hey, hold it.
13:31I want to talk to you.
13:33Look, if it's about your teddy bear...
13:35No, it's not.
13:36It's about last night.
13:38Now, you may say this is none of my business.
13:40It's none of your business.
13:41I knew you'd say that today.
13:44Now, listen, Norman.
13:46When, uh, when you brought Chrissie home last night, um, she was, uh, well, I won't mince
13:55words, pissed.
13:59Well, she had had six champagne cocktails.
14:01Yes, well, now, six champagne cocktails.
14:05Now, listen, Norman.
14:07Did anything happen between you and Chrissie last night?
14:10You know, which now you may, on reflection, feel a little bit ashamed of.
14:15For a man who's just said pissed, you're being very mealy-mouthed.
14:19Did you or didn't you?
14:20Certainly not.
14:21I never try on a girl on the first time out.
14:23No?
14:23Ah.
14:23No.
14:24Actually, I wasn't going to ask her out again tonight.
14:27That would be the second time.
14:30Do you know, I do believe you're right.
14:31Well, you can't.
14:32You can't.
14:32Not tonight, because tonight she's going out with me.
14:34Sorry, it's a long-standing red.
14:35I'm sorry.
14:36But tonight's my last night in town.
14:37Do you know, I do believe you're right.
14:46I hope you realise I'm missing opportunity, Knox.
14:50There's a banjo playing dog on tonight.
14:53Well, George, you're just...
14:55You are not taking me out wearing Old Faithful.
14:59Well, what's the matter with it?
15:02Come on, you put your decent one on.
15:03I'll feel comfortable in this.
15:04Did you change your underpants?
15:08Yeah.
15:09And you starched them, didn't you?
15:13There'll be a crack like a pistol shot when I sit down.
15:18Have you cleaned behind your ears?
15:19Yeah, get off.
15:20I'm not a kid.
15:21Oh, yeah.
15:22I just had a thought.
15:23We can't go.
15:24I clean forgot to book the table.
15:25I booked it, George.
15:29Yeah, well, all right.
15:30I'm ready to go, then.
15:32Oh, no, you're not.
15:34Take off those plimsoles.
15:41Well, I'm ready.
15:43Oh, yes.
15:45You look like...
15:46Oh, how can I describe it?
15:49You'll take a Keats or a Shelly.
15:50Look, are you sure we arranged to eat out tonight?
15:54I don't remember.
15:55Yes, that little French restaurant round the corner.
15:57Oh, what about you?
15:58Oh, don't worry about me.
15:59I just go and sit in the kitchen and rot.
16:02There's a good girl.
16:03Right, come on.
16:05We'll get a little table, yes?
16:07Right in the corner.
16:07Just the two of us.
16:09Evening.
16:10You're beginning to make a bit of a habit of this.
16:12Evening, Chrissie.
16:13For you.
16:14Oh, thank you.
16:15I say, you're not going out, are you?
16:16Oh, we were.
16:17We are, both of us.
16:18Oh, dear.
16:19Because I was thinking, you know, this being my last night in town,
16:21to, well, to take Robin for a meal.
16:23Yes, I know.
16:23Well, you'll just have...
16:24Me?
16:25Well, we are brothers.
16:26It's a long time since we've had a real family chat.
16:28Oh, I understand.
16:29Look, you two go along.
16:30I'll drop out.
16:31No, no, no, no.
16:31No, no, no, no.
16:32She must come with us, mustn't she, Robin?
16:33Yes.
16:34No.
16:34You don't want Chrissie to come with us?
16:36No.
16:37Yes.
16:38No, I don't want to go with you.
16:40So it's just Chrissie and me?
16:41Yes.
16:41No.
16:43Oh, you want to come with us?
16:44No.
16:45Yes.
16:46I think you'll like it here.
16:59They know me quite well, actually.
17:00Ah, Charles.
17:03Alphonse.
17:05Alphonse, yeah, sorry.
17:06Well, when you see Charles, could you give him my best wishes?
17:08Um, well, Alphonse, would you like a table for three,
17:11preferably in the corner, you know, not too nearly?
17:13Have you booked?
17:15No.
17:16Ah, we are fully reserved, monsieur.
17:18If only you had...
17:19We would be most obliged.
17:21Of course, monsieur, for three, in a quiet corner, you said.
17:25No, he didn't say that.
17:26I said that.
17:27It's obviously an advantage if they don't know you.
17:29You really must try the salad niçoise.
17:56Salade niçoise.
17:59Niçoise?
18:00Niçoise.
18:02Niçoise.
18:03It's off.
18:06The guy's most probably a blast.
18:08I thought she was quite nice.
18:12In fact, if you'd like me to do this for you, because it's all in French, I'm quite good
18:16at this sort of thing.
18:18Right, now, we could start off with les fleurs de mer for me, although le gemmé au porton
18:23d'or is quite interesting.
18:24Ah, yes, I see you have a bout de blanc avec cinq veloutiers.
18:28Oui, monsieur, je pourrais vous conseiller vivement tous nos plats, mais permettez-moi
18:30de vous féliciter sur votre joie, excite.
18:32I'm sorry, I only speak food.
18:39Oh, my God.
18:54And Mrs. Roper and husband, we had booked.
19:02Of course, madame, it's here to shop, too.
19:04This way, please.
19:06What do we have to cover a froggy restaurant for?
19:09It reeks of garlic.
19:10Oh, be quiet.
19:11It's not proper food.
19:12It's all snails and horsemeans.
19:13Don't be ridiculous.
19:14Oh, hello, dears.
19:16Hello.
19:16Small world.
19:17Yeah.
19:18Oh, here we are.
19:22Oh, George.
19:23Isn't this nice?
19:25Hey, Garkon.
19:27There's no tomato sauce on the table.
19:31Pardon?
19:32Oh, blimey, it's marvellous, eh?
19:34No tomato sauce-o, savvy?
19:37Ah, oui.
19:38See, now, we could start off with moule mariniere.
19:42That's mussels done in a wide sauce.
19:46Here, son, you speak this wogling, though, don't you?
19:49A little, yes.
19:50So if we start off with the mussels.
19:52What's that say?
19:54Oh, you'll like that.
19:54It's snails and horse meat.
19:57If we start off with the moule mariniere.
19:59No, not for me.
20:00No, no, no.
20:00I had some once.
20:01I was ill for days.
20:02Try the patting.
20:04Try the moule mariniere.
20:05Um, I think I'll have the melon.
20:12Sauce de mat, monsieur.
20:13Eh?
20:14Yeah.
20:15Well, I know, I don't want it like that.
20:17I want it in a proper bottle.
20:23I don't care, George, because just for once, I'm not going to have to scrape it off your plate.
20:28Yeah.
20:28Oh, foreign muck.
20:29No, no, no, Norman, please, really.
20:36Let me, let me do it, honestly, because it was my idea that we, we should come up.
20:39So, Norman, please, please allow me.
20:47Yeah, well, maybe if we just sort of split it, perhaps.
20:50You pay next time, all right?
20:54Yes, sir.
20:54Thank you very much for a wonderful meal, Norman.
20:57And you too, Robin.
20:59I would have paid for it, you know.
21:00I know.
21:02Listen, I've had a wonderful two days.
21:04I've enjoyed it too.
21:07So have I.
21:11And it's obvious what we must do now.
21:13What?
21:13One potato, two potato, two potato.
21:16Yes, well, on that sophisticated note, I think we'd better go.
21:20Oh, no, no, no, love.
21:26No, no, no, no, no.
21:30Blimey.
21:32Well, there must be some mistake here.
21:34What, that couvert 50p?
21:36I didn't have any of that.
21:39That's the cover charge, George.
21:40Yeah, well, I didn't have any of it.
21:42Here, can't you knock a bit off?
21:46I'm English.
21:48We saved you lot during the war.
21:50That is the correct bill, monsieur.
21:54It's a bit marvellous, eh?
21:55They come over here on their bicycles with their string of onions.
21:59They're buying themselves a monkey jacket and they think they could...
22:03We all did.
22:05Oh, no.
22:07Yeah, me wallet.
22:08Is it old faithful?
22:09Well, you made me change it.
22:11The bill.
22:15Yeah.
22:16What was the procedure when you can't pay and you've got no identification?
22:22Quite straightforward, monsieur.
22:23Oh, no.
22:29Aye, well, it's as you said on the phone.
22:41A mild case of food poisoning.
22:42Oh, the malaria.
22:44Aye, very likely.
22:47You'll be right as rain after a few days in bed.
22:49Oh, thank you, doctor.
22:50Should you pump him out or something?
22:52It won't be necessary.
22:57A spoonful of that would pump out Loch Ness.
23:02Twice a day.
23:04He looked very white in the restaurant, but I thought it was the size of the bill.
23:07I would have paid for it, you know.
23:09Look, Robin, I've been thinking.
23:11Well, I can't leave my only brother confined to a sick bed.
23:14What?
23:15Well, I've decided to stay for another week.
23:17After all, someone's got to keep an eye on Chrissie.
23:20Lorman, do you remember that puppy that my dad bought me when I was a kid?
23:25You know, the one that kept biting me.
23:27And no one except you could make it sit up and beg.
23:29Yes.
23:30Well, it's bloody well happening again, isn't it?
23:32Oh!
23:44Well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well.
24:14Well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well, it's bloody well
Recommended
21:45
|
Up next
24:18
28:48
25:13
22:55
23:06
24:30
23:33
24:26
Be the first to comment