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00:08THE END
00:45THE END
01:15MUST BE MONTHS SINCE THESE WINDOWS HAVE BEEN CLEANED.
01:18WHAT?
01:19OH, LOOK!
01:20OH, THERE'S A ROW OF HOUSES OPPOSITE.
01:23ACTUALLY, I QUITE LIKE DIRTY WINDOWS.
01:25THEY'RE CHEAPER THAN NET CURTAINS.
01:26HAVE YOU SEEN MY HEATED ROLLERS?
01:28YEAH, THEY'RE IN THE FRIDGE.
01:31WHERE ELSE SHOULD THEY BE?
01:32WHY DID YOU PUT THEM IN THE FRIDGE?
01:34BECAUSE I WAS DEFROSTING IT.
01:36OH, GREAT.
01:38SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, ROLLING MY HAIR WITH FISH FINGERS?
01:40LEAVE MY THINGS ALONE.
01:42ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
01:45OH!
01:45OH, OH, GOD.
01:47OH, BRING THEM UP, WILL YOU, CHRISTY?
01:49WHAT?
01:50CRAWB, IT'S RINGING.
01:51NO, IT ISN'T.
01:52IT'S THE TELEPHONE.
01:54Honestly, YOU'RE GETTING WORSE.
01:55YOU REALLY ARE.
01:57HELLO?
01:58HELLO.
01:59COULD I SPEAK TO ROBIN TRIP?
02:01OH, I'M AFRAID HE ISN'T HERE AT THE MOMENT.
02:02CAN I TAKE A MESSAGE?
02:03OH, I SUPPOSE SO.
02:05BUT IT'S EVER SO PERSONAL.
02:07OH, WELL, IF IT'LL HELP, I WON'T LISTEN.
02:10OH, WELL, HE'S ONLY IN THE FLAT UPSTAIRS,
02:13SO WHAT I CAN DO, I CAN POP UP AND, OH, NO.
02:15NO, MAYBE I BETTER NOT.
02:16UM, I TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL GIVE YOU THE NUMBER.
02:18HOLD ON A MINUTE.
02:20SHE HAD THIS FANTASTIC FIGURE.
02:2342, 22, 36.
02:25GREAT SHOULDERS ON HER.
02:26YEAH, WELL, SHE'D NEED THEM TO ALL THAT LOT OF.
02:29YEAH, LONG LEGSED A LOT.
02:31I ONLY THINK IT SPORED IT WAS HER MOUTH.
02:33WHAT WAS WRONG WITH IT?
02:34WELL, IT KEPT SAYING, NO, AND TAKE YOUR HAND AWAY.
02:37THINK OF THAT.
02:39YEAH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT SHE SAID TO ME.
02:40SHE SAID, JUSTIN, SHE SAID,
02:42I'M SAVING MYSELF FOR SOME...
02:45JUSTIN?
02:46OH, YEAH.
02:46I'LL NEVER GIVE YOU A REAL NAME.
02:48NO, NEVER.
02:49WELL, COME THE DAY YOU WANT TO GIVE THEM THE ALBO,
02:51THEY GO ROUND ASKING IF ANYBODY'S SEEN
02:52JUSTIN DUPONT OR CLIFF WESTWOOD
02:55OR OLI-O PORTUGASI.
02:58WHO?
02:58OH, YEAH, I GOT THAT OFF A TIN OF SARDINES.
03:02I WAS ORINOKO WOMBLE FOR A FORTNIGHT.
03:06ACTUALLY, NO, I DON'T GO IN FOR THIS
03:08TELLING LIES BIT TO THE GIRLS.
03:09YOU SEE, I MEAN, WHEN I FIRST MET LINDA,
03:10I JUST SAID, MY NAME'S ROBIN TRIPP
03:12AND I'M A POOR CATERING STUDENT.
03:14AND?
03:14AND SHE IGNORED ME COMPLETELY.
03:16WELL, ONLY FOR THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES.
03:17AFTER THAT, MY MODEST CHARM WON HER OVER.
03:22HELLO?
03:24HELLO, COULD I SPEAK TO ROBIN, PLEASE?
03:26THIS IS SANDRA BENNETT.
03:27HANG ON A MINUTE.
03:29ER, WHAT, SANDRA BENNETT WITH A BLOND HAIR AND A MOLE ON A...
03:32THAT'S RIGHT.
03:33COULD I SPEAK TO ROBIN TRIPP?
03:35ER, YEAH, SPEAKING.
03:36HELLO, SANDRA.
03:37OH, HELLO, ROBIN.
03:38I THOUGHT YOU WAS HOME, BOYS.
03:40YEAH, ER, HOW DO YOU GET THIS NUMBER?
03:42WELL, I RUN YOURS AND THEY GAVE ME THIS ONE.
03:44MINE?
03:45WELL, YOU'RE THE ONLY ROBIN TRIPP IN THE BOOK.
03:47YEAH, NICE BIT OF DETECTIVE WORKS, AREN'T I?
03:50YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ROUND THESE LAST FEW WEEKS, ROBIN?
03:53NO, WELL, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS AS AIRLINE PILOTS.
03:56I'M NOT OFFENING IN INGLE.
03:58I THOUGHT YOU WERE A FASHIONABLE DENTIST.
04:01OH, YEAH, WELL, THAT'S MORE OF A HOBBY.
04:03LOOK, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
04:04I'D LIKE TO COME ROUND AND SEE YOU.
04:07YEAH, SEE, THE THING IS, SEE, I'VE FORGOTTEN MY ADDRESS.
04:11WELL, IT'S HERE IN THE BOOK.
04:13YEAH, BUT, YOU SEE, IT'S, ER...
04:19GOT CUT OFF.
04:21COME ON, LET'S BE GOING IN, EH?
04:23WHAT'S THE HURRY?
04:23THE MATCH DOESN'T START FOR ANOTHER HOUR AND A HALF.
04:25YEAH, I KNOW THAT.
04:27WE'VE GOT TO BUY TOILET ROLLS AND THAT, HAVEN'T WE?
04:28COME ON.
04:31OH, I HOPE THIS DOESN'T STAIN THE CARPET.
04:34DID I READ SOMEWHERE THAT YOU PUT VINEGAR ON IT OR, UM, LEMON JUICE?
04:38NO, YOU'RE THINKING OF DOVER SEAL.
04:41BUT THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN IS THAT WE COULD GET A CLEAN PATCH.
04:44THERE'S NO POINT IN HANGING ABOUT, IS IT?
04:45IT'S ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
04:49WHAT'S SHE DOING?
04:50CLEANING THE WINDOWS.
04:53REALLY?
04:54SHE'S GOT A TERRIBLE SENSE OF DIRECTION, HASN'T SHE?
04:56ANYONE SEE MY FOOTBALL RATTLE?
04:58TRY THE FRIDGE, EVERYTHING ELSE SEEMS TO BE IN THERE.
05:00NOW, HERE IT IS.
05:01OH, RIGHT, THANKS.
05:02NOW, LISTEN, THERE WAS A SCARF WITH THIS, A RED AND WHITE FOOTBALL SCARF.
05:07OH, DEAR.
05:10JO, YOU HAVEN'T...
05:11YOU DID...
05:14SHE DID.
05:15I MEAN, WHAT AM I GOING TO WAVE IF THEY SCORE?
05:17DEPENDS WHAT THE WETTER'S LIKE.
05:20RED AND WHITE?
05:21THERE'S A SALAMI SAUSAGE IN THE FRIDGE, YOU COULD WAVE THAT.
05:24LISTEN, CHRIST, YOU DON'T SEEM TO REALIZE THE EMOTIONAL TENSION OF THE FOOTBALL MATCH.
05:27NOW, IF I WAVE UP A SALAMI SAUSAGE AND SHOUT UP THE SAINTS, THEY'LL KILL ME.
05:31THE ONLY WAY SOUTHAMPTON'S GOING TO SCORE IS IF FULUM DON'T TURN UP.
05:34AND EVEN THEN, THEY NEED A PENALTY.
05:35EVEN THEN, IT DEPENDS ON WHO TAKES IT.
05:36YOU DON'T LIKE SOUTHAMPTON, DO YOU?
05:38WHERE ARE THEY GOING?
05:40TO A CRICKET MATCH.
05:42OH.
05:45GEORGE?
05:47GO ON, SAY IT.
05:49GEORGE?
05:49GEORGE?
05:50YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR MILL IT TILL YOU SAY IT.
05:53GEORGE?
05:54GEORGE?
05:54OH, NO, THAT WAS YOU MILL IT.
05:55I KNOW.
05:57YOU'LL NEVER GET THAT BIRD TO TALK.
05:58IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, TRY, TRY, TRY AGAIN.
06:01OH, THAT'S GREAT, COMING FROM YOU.
06:03NOW, DON'T START THAT.
06:05I MEAN, THOSE KITCHEN SHELVES YOU MADE, THEY FELL DOWN BEFORE YOU EVEN PUT THE AMMER AWAY.
06:09YEAH, HEY, LOOK, YOUR RED FOUR AND YOUR BLACK FIVE.
06:11THANK YOU.
06:12OH, THE TROUBLE IS, Mildred, I'VE GOT THE PROPER EQUIPMENT.
06:14OH, YOU'RE REALLY COMING OUT WITH THEM TODAY, AREN'T YOU?
06:18I MEAN, THAT POWER DRILL OF MINE MUST BE NEARLY TEN YEARS OLD.
06:2011, GEORGE.
06:22I REMEMBER YOU BUYING IT FOR ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
06:24OH, THAT'S YOUR BLACK THREE ON, YOUR RED FOUR.
06:26LOOK, GEORGE, IF YOU REALLY WANT SOMETHING TO DO, WHY DON'T YOU GO AND MEND THAT PEDDLE BIN?
06:31I DIDN'T KNOW THE PEDDLE BIN WAS BROKEN.
06:32IT WAS UNTIL YOUR SHELLS FELL ON IT.
06:35ALL RIGHT.
06:37OH, UH, FAR THE WAY.
06:39THREE OF THOSE CARDS ARE MISSING.
06:41WHAT?
06:44HELLO.
06:45SANDRA.
06:46NO, NOBODY CALL SANDRA HERE.
06:48YES, THERE IS.
06:49ME.
06:50I'M LOOKING FOR MR TRIP.
06:51OH, UH, THE FIRST FLOOR.
07:02FINISHED?
07:02NO, YOU HAVEN'T.
07:03WHAT ABOUT OVER HERE?
07:04OH, I NEVER GO OVER THERE.
07:05IT'S NOT MY DUST.
07:06HONESTLY, IT MUST BE REALLY HARD WORK BEING AS LAZY AS YOU ARE.
07:12OH, HELLO.
07:13IS ROBIN IN?
07:15ROBIN TRIP?
07:16NO, I'M AFRAID HE ISN'T.
07:17YOU'VE JUST MISSED HIM.
07:18OH, OH, WELL, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
07:21OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
07:22LOOK, YOU'D BETTER COME INSIDE.
07:26SIT DOWN.
07:27ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
07:29OH, I'M SORRY.
07:31OH, NO.
07:33OH, THANK YOU.
07:36OH, I'M SORRY, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
07:39OH, HELLO.
07:39OH, THIS IS A FRIEND OF ROBIN'S.
07:41WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF TEA?
07:43OH, PLEASE.
07:44OH, WE HAVEN'T GOT ANY.
07:47IF YOU'RE THAT THIRSTY, I CAN GO DOWN TO THE SHOPS.
07:49OH, IT'S NOT THAT.
07:51SHE'S OBVIOUSLY UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING.
07:53I'M PREGNANT.
07:54SHE'S PREGNANT.
07:55YOU'RE WHAT?
07:56OH, I KNOW I AM.
07:58I WAS SICK YESTERDAY MORNING, AND IT'S SIX WEEKS.
08:01MY DAD WILL MAD AT ME.
08:04YOU THINK ROBIN'S THE...
08:05YES.
08:07HE SAID IT WAS ALL RIGHT IF WE WERE STANDING UP.
08:12ROBIN!
08:16OH, I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME.
08:18REALLY.
08:19I THINK I'M TRYING TO TRAP HIM.
08:21WELL, HE'S GOT TO KNOW SOONER OR LATER.
08:23OH, NO, DON'T EVEN TELL HIM I CAME.
08:26TELL HIM I TOLD YOU I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
08:29OH, NO, DON'T TELL HIM THAT.
08:31BECAUSE HE'LL KNOW I'VE BEEN.
08:33OH, THANK YOU FOR THE TEA.
08:35OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
08:38YOU CAN'T JUST...
08:39OH, YOU CAN'T JUST...
08:42HONESTLY, THAT'S TYPICAL.
08:44GETTING A GIRL PREGNANT, ONLY A MAN COULD DO THAT.
08:53HAVE YOU SEEN MY LITTLE VICE, MILDIE?
08:55NO, I HAVE NOT.
08:56AND I DON'T WANT TO.
08:58WE WERE CRACKING NUTS WITH IT LAST CHRISTMAS,
09:00AND IT GROWED, IF YOU REMEMBER.
09:02GEORGE, WHY DO YOU WANT A VICE TO MEND A PLASTIC PEDDLE BIN?
09:06I DON'T.
09:06I NEED A VICE TO MEND MY CHISEL.
09:08WHY DO YOU NEED A CHISEL TO MEND A PLASTIC PEDDLE BIN?
09:09I DON'T.
09:10I NEED A CHISEL TO GET THE CAP OFF THIS TUBE OF GLUE.
09:12OH, I SEE.
09:13AND THAT'S TO MEND THE PEDDLE BIN?
09:14NO, IT'S TO MEND THE VICE, IF I'M FIND A BLOODY TEA.
09:17GEORGE, THE LAST TIME I SAW IT, IT WAS IN THE PEDDLE BIN.
09:20EH?
09:21WHY DO YOU THREW IT AWAY WHEN YOU BROKE IT?
09:23HONESTLY, GEORGE, YOU ARE OPELESS.
09:26IF I WANT ANYTHING DONE IN THIS HOUSE, I'VE GOT TO DO IT MYSELF.
09:29AND THAT APPLIES TO PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING.
09:32NOW, LISTEN, MILDRED, I'M TIRED OF YOUR CONSTANT INSINUENDOS.
09:36AS MANY A WOMAN APPRECIATE ME.
09:38NAME ONE.
09:40AH, YEAH, YEAH.
09:41A WOMAN IN THE GREEN GROSSERS, ONLY YESTERDAY.
09:44GIVING ME THE COME-ITHER GLANCE.
09:46NOT OUT OF A GOOD EYE, SHE WASN'T.
09:50OF COURSE, YEAH.
09:51I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THE REFEREE SENT HIM OFF.
09:53I MEAN, HE HAD BEEN AWARDED A FREE KICK.
09:55YEAH, BUT NOT AT THE LINESMAN.
09:56YEAH, THAT IS TRUE, THAT'S TRUE.
09:57ARE YOU COMING FOR A COFFEE?
09:58NO, NO, I JUST, UH, I'LL, UH, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
10:01YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
10:05OH, WHAT A GAME.
10:06OH, 3-0.
10:08HEY, YOU CAN SEE NOW NUMBER 9.
10:09SEE THE TWO GOALS HE SCORED, RIGHT?
10:11HE'S HERE, YOU SEE, WITH THE BALL.
10:12AND BETWEEN HIM AND THE GOAL POST,
10:14OH, THERE'S, I DON'T KNOW,
10:15THOUSANDS OF THEM.
10:16SO WHAT'S HE DO?
10:16HE TAKES A CHANCE,
10:17HE GETS THE BALL,
10:18AND HE CURLS IT RIGHT...
10:19ARE YOU LISTENING?
10:21YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HERE THIS AFTERNOON.
10:23OH, WHAT, LINDA?
10:24IS THAT HER NAME?
10:25YEAH, THAT'S HER NAME.
10:26WHAT'S SHE ONE?
10:26I MEAN, I'M SINGER LATER ON TONIGHT.
10:28SHE DID TELL US NOT TO TELL HIM.
10:29WELL, SOMEBODY SHOULD TELL HIM.
10:31YEAH, BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S UP TO US.
10:33MAYBE NOT.
10:34WELL, CARRY ON WITH YOUR BORING FOOTBALL STORY.
10:36NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
10:38I MEAN, WHAT IS IT YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL ME?
10:42YOU'RE GONNA BE A FATHER?
10:43YES.
10:47AND HE GOT THE BALL, AND HE CURLED IT, AND THE WINK...
10:51OH, CHRIST.
10:54SHE'S PREGNANT BY YOU.
10:55YEAH, I GET THE POINT.
10:57SHE TOLD US NOT TO TELL YOU, SO DON'T YOU TELL HER WE TOLD YOU SHE TOLD US.
11:01WHAT?
11:02WELL, YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO KNOW SHE'S BEEN HERE.
11:04ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
11:05GOD, ISN'T IT MARVEROUS?
11:06I MEAN, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?
11:08ALL YOU'RE THINKING OF IS YOURSELF.
11:10YOU'RE A RAT.
11:12I DON'T SUPPOSE THERE'S ANY DOUBT.
11:13NO, THERE ISN'T.
11:14YOU'RE A RAT.
11:16WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
11:30YES, I THINK I'LL HAVE THE DELICIOUS, MOUTHWATERING GOLDEN PANCAKES WITH DEEP-FRIED, CRINKLE-CUTT FARMHOUSE CHIPS.
11:39FINE.
11:40SURE YOU'VE GOT ENOUGH BANK FRESH CRISPY PAN NOTES TO PAY FOR THIS?
11:45SORRY, SORRY, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
11:46SORRY, I WAS MILES AWAY.
11:46YOU'VE BEEN MILES AWAY ALL EVENING.
11:49UH, YES, I KNOW.
11:50UM, LINDA, HOW LONG HAVE WE SORT OF, UM, YOU KNOW, SORT OF BEEN GOING AROUND TOGETHER?
11:58THREE OR FOUR MONTHS.
11:59YEAH.
12:00AND, UH, WELL, I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN GOING OUT WITH ANY OTHER GIRLS.
12:07NEITHER HAVE I.
12:07OH, GOOD.
12:09NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
12:11NO, I MEAN, FELLAS, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN GOING OUT WITH ANY OTHER FELLAS.
12:16I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T MIND, IF YOU COULD TELL ME, I WOULDN'T BE AT ALL JEALOUS.
12:21YEAH.
12:21I, UM, I'M REALLY GLAD ABOUT THAT.
12:26WHY?
12:26HMM?
12:27OH, NOTHING, NOTHING.
12:30I'M, UH, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY I MISSED YOU THIS AFTERNOON.
12:34YOU DID?
12:34YES.
12:35OH, NO, I DIDN'T.
12:36YOU WENT THERE, WERE YOU?
12:37NO.
12:38NO, NO, NO.
12:39BUT, I MEAN, I'M SORRY I WASN'T THERE WHEN YOU DIDN'T COME DROWN.
12:44I'M GOING TO HAVE A RUM BARBER.
12:45I KNOW, THEY TOLD ME.
12:48OH, NO, THEY DIDN'T.
12:49OH, A RUM BARBER.
12:50OH, YES.
12:51OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
12:56UH, LINDA, DO YOU AGREE THAT, UH, A BABY, UM, SHOULD HAVE A FATHER AS, WELL, AS MUCH AS A,
13:05AS A MOTHER?
13:06YES.
13:09WELL, THAT'S SETTLE-IN.
13:11WHAT IS?
13:13LINDA, I'M, I'M ASKING YOU TO MARRY ME.
13:17OH, ROBIN!
13:43I DON'T WRITELY KNOW THAT.
13:46DOES SHE NOT GET MY LETTER?
13:49SHE DIDN'T GIVE ME THE WORD.
13:52WELL, I'VE GONE.
13:53COME IN, COME IN.
13:54HOW DID YOU SEE?
13:54HEY, GIRLS, CHRISTY, JOE, TURN THAT THING OFF.
13:57WHY WOULDN'T YOU?
13:58UM, I'VE GOT, UH, I'VE GOT, UH, I'VE GOT A RATHER IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
14:03WHAT?
14:03I THINK YOU'VE ALREADY MET MY, OH, NO, OF COURSE YOU HAVE.
14:07I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY COUNCIL.
14:09HELLO?
14:13WELL, SAY SOMETHING.
14:15OH, YOU RAT.
14:19YOU RAT, YES.
14:21WELL, I MEAN, THAT'S NOT AS GOOD AS CONGRATULATIONS, OR WE'RE VERY HAPPY FOR YOU, BUT IT'LL HAVE TO
14:24DO, WON'T IT?
14:25HEY, WHAT DO YOU CALL ME A RAT FOR?
14:27YOU PIG.
14:30PIG, YES.
14:31I MEAN, THEY LIKE ME REALLY, HONESTLY.
14:33SIT DOWN, I'LL GET YOUR COFFEE.
14:38IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
14:39I DON'T BLAME YOU.
14:41THANK YOU.
14:43HEY, WHAT WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?
14:45OH, IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS, LEAVE ME OUT OF IT.
14:47I JUST, I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
14:49NOW, LOOK, I'VE DONE THE DECENT THING, AND IT'S A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, I'VE GOT HER PREGNANT, AND
14:54NOW I'M GONNA MARRY HER.
14:55YOU GOT HER PREGNANT AS WELL?
14:57YES.
14:58NO!
15:00WHAT DO YOU MEAN AS WELL?
15:01AS WELL AS THE GIRL THAT WAS HERE THIS AFTERNOON.
15:04AS WELL AS THE GIRL THAT WAS HERE...
15:06WHAT GIRL?
15:11WHO IS IT?
15:12ROBERT.
15:13HANG ABOUT.
15:18DO YOU KNOW IT'S NEARLY MIDNIGHT?
15:20I'M ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED.
15:22AH.
15:23YOU'LL, er, NEED A STIFF DRINK, THEN.
15:25YEAH.
15:27TOUBLE IS, SHE ISN'T PREGNANT.
15:31NAH, WELL, ATTEN SOMETIMES, NOT OFTEN, I'LL GRANT YOU.
15:33YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT SHE WAS.
15:35You see, this girl came round this afternoon when we were at the football match.
15:39I mean, I don't know who the hell she was.
15:40Yeah, a great girl, eh, that second one.
15:42Huh?
15:43Oh, yeah.
15:43The way he killed it.
15:44Killed it round.
15:46She said she was pregnant and that I was the father.
15:49Well, so naturally, you know, I thought it was Linda.
15:51This is your fiancée?
15:52Well, yeah, it is now.
15:54Congratulations.
15:55Yes, but she wasn't, you see.
15:57It was some blonde thing that I've never even met before.
16:01But she said my name.
16:03She said Robin Tripp.
16:05She actually said it.
16:06Have another drink, mate.
16:08Cheers.
16:09And, er, when you hit me, go for the body, not the face.
16:14I'm not going to hit you, though.
16:15Yeah, yeah, you are, you see.
16:17It's, er...
16:20This has got something to do with you, hasn't it?
16:22In a way, yeah.
16:24Never given me a real name.
16:26Is that a fast mind of yours working again?
16:28You've given one of your scrubbers...
16:30I mean, why my name, eh?
16:32Why me?
16:33I mean, what was wrong with Orinoco Womble?
16:36It's easier if it's a real person.
16:37I didn't know she was going to come round, did I?
16:39Listen, mate, you've got me into this mess,
16:40and you are going to get me out.
16:41Yeah, all right, I'll think of something.
16:44Yeah, I just thought of something.
16:45What?
16:45If her dad finds her, it'd kill you.
16:51Oh, I might have known.
16:52If a girl's in trouble, it would have to be Larry.
16:54Oh, come on, Chrissie.
16:54He's never pretended to be a monk.
16:56Well, yes, he has.
16:57What about with that girl from the convent school?
16:59Oh, sure.
17:00And you're just as bad.
17:01Me?
17:02Well, you thought you were going to be a father.
17:04How was that supposed to have happened?
17:05Telepathy?
17:07All right, I'll tell you what, Chrissie.
17:09I'll have to break it off.
17:11Yeah, that's the most sensible thing you've said before.
17:17No, I mean, I know she won't like it, but I mean, I mean, supposing we were engaged, right,
17:21and I turned around to you and I said, er, listen, I want to call the whole thing up
17:24because you're not pregnant.
17:25I mean, what would you do?
17:26Well, that isn't a guide, because she might not have a bread knife in her hand.
17:30Morning.
17:31Joe, Joe, listen, how would you break off an engagement?
17:35Oh, I'd throw his diamond ring back at him.
17:37I don't happen to have a diamond ring.
17:39Why?
17:39You're going out with the wrong sort of boys.
17:43Listen, I've got a suggestion.
17:44It's a bit unorthodox, a bit way out, but it might just work.
17:47Look, I'll try anything.
17:49What is it?
17:50Just tell her the truth.
17:55Erm...
17:56Ah.
17:58There they are.
17:59Co-op Milkman has love nests in Balham and Penge.
18:04No wonder he doesn't get here till 12 o'clock.
18:08My wife suspected nothing, he said.
18:11Ah, there I see.
18:13His wife suspected nothing, Mildred.
18:15What points are you trying to make, George?
18:18Oh, no point.
18:19Simply that some wives may think their husband's boring and past it,
18:23but other women, in fact, may fancy them something rotten.
18:26You are pathetic.
18:28Well, what about Mrs. What's-her-name, er, number two?
18:31She winked at me last week.
18:33She winks at everybody, George. She's got a twitch.
18:36Rubbish.
18:38Look, George.
18:39I am perfectly willing to be jealous.
18:41I'd like to think that other women fancied my husband.
18:44I mean, I don't enjoy being pitted.
18:48When we were on holiday on that love machine in the arcade,
18:51I scored sex bomb.
18:53Yeah.
18:53But you had to use both hands.
18:57And a foot.
18:59Look, George.
19:00Why don't you go and mend our pedal bin?
19:02Or go upstairs, mend the window.
19:06You see, you know, what I'm sort of trying to say
19:09is that when I realised that you hadn't got a bun in the, er,
19:13that you weren't, er, you know, and neither was I.
19:15I mean, you know, it was two other people.
19:19Well...
19:19You want to break off the engagement?
19:21Oh, I knew you'd understand.
19:24I mean, no hard feelings.
19:25You know what you are, don't you?
19:27Yes, a rat. Or possibly a pig.
19:30There's someone else. You've only got to say something.
19:32No, Linda, of course there is.
19:33Now, come on, who else could it be, eh?
19:36Hello, Robbie. I haven't seen you for weeks.
19:38You've been avoiding me, ducky.
19:40What?
19:41They've all been gossiping down the ballet school.
19:43Where's your friend, maybe, son?
19:44Flaring!
19:46I know what you're trying to do, mate,
19:47but she knows I'm not, and neither is he.
19:49Look, I don't care much either.
19:51Look, Linda, look, I'm sorry.
19:52It's just that, well,
19:54I thought we'd be best to be honest.
19:56I mean, it needn't change our sort of relationship, did it?
19:59I mean, I'm still very fond of you.
20:00And where do I stand in all this?
20:02Will you shut up?!
20:06I mean, you know, we can still be alright for next Saturday.
20:14No, we're not.
20:15There you are, mate.
20:17I told you I'd think of something.
20:18You dummy.
20:19Oh, excuse me, flower.
20:22I couldn't help overhearing what you were saying.
20:25Eh?
20:27I'm sorry, I'm ready.
20:28You get off!
20:33Yeah.
20:35Yeah, well, you know what you've got here, don't you?
20:36A jam window.
20:38Oh, we thought it might be that one, we couldn't open it.
20:40Yeah, I'll have to, er, I'll have to shave the edge.
20:42Oh, there's lather and a brush in the bathroom.
20:45Eh?
20:46We'd better leave you to it, come on.
20:48Yeah, er, yeah, it's a tricky little job there.
20:51Right, well, let's see what we've got.
20:53Er, no, that's no good.
20:56No, that's no good.
20:59Ah, yes, that should do the trick.
21:01Right.
21:02Right.
21:04Oh, lovely.
21:09Hello?
21:10Er, no, he's not here.
21:12No, they've all gone out.
21:14Hmm?
21:15Er, to the pub, I think, the White Swan.
21:18Yeah, that's all right.
21:18Bye.
21:21Cheers.
21:23Cheers.
21:24How did she take it?
21:25Oh, not bad.
21:27Just glad she didn't have her bread knife on her.
21:29You should have seen what she did in his beer.
21:31Serves you right.
21:32Yeah, and he's even worse.
21:34Don't pick on me, I'm being victimised.
21:36Oh.
21:39Hello, this is the White Swan speaking.
21:44Yes, just a moment.
21:46Phone call for a robin trip.
21:49Oh, right.
21:51Er, which robin trip?
21:53Which robin trip do you require?
21:55No.
21:55There appear to be several.
21:57Oh.
21:58The airline pilot and fashionable dentist.
22:02That's me, isn't it?
22:05I'm afraid it's a female.
22:07Hello, robin.
22:08It's me, Sandra.
22:10Oh, er, hello, Sandra.
22:12Now, listen, how do I know it's mine?
22:14It's nobody's.
22:15What isn't?
22:16Nothing isn't.
22:18I got the dates mixed up.
22:19I'm all right.
22:21Oh, yeah.
22:22Yeah.
22:23Oh, great.
22:24Er, listen, what you, er, what you doing tomorrow night?
22:27Thanks.
22:28But my daddy's ever so mad.
22:30He says he's coming round to sort you out.
22:33Yeah.
22:37Coming, coming.
22:40Er, robin trip?
22:41Er, oh, yeah, that's right.
22:43I was just leaving, actually.
22:44Oh, no, you're not.
22:48Do you want me to go in for first?
22:50No reason.
22:51You don't trust me, do you?
22:52Oh, excuse me, dears.
22:54That's it.
22:55Oh, I'm sorry, love.
22:56I hope you don't mind.
22:57I borrowed your iodine.
22:57Has there been an accident?
22:59Oh, no, dear.
22:59It was no accident.
23:04He did it on purpose to Nigel.
23:06Oh, oh, oh.
23:07What happened to him?
23:08Oh, nothing to what's going to happen to him, dear.
23:10I'll give you running around after young girls at your age.
23:14It's not true, Mildred.
23:15Oh, no.
23:16Disgusting.
23:51It's true.
24:00There's noitoines in my town.
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