- 28 minutes ago
Taskmaster (2015) Season 21 Episode 1
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:02Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:32Welcome! Welcome to a brand new series of Taskmaster!
00:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:42Five fresh comedians have been prepared in our laughter kitchen
00:45and are about to be thrown into the buffet of fun
00:48to see if any of them have what it takes
00:50to be a main course at the Giggle Feast.
00:52I hope so. I am Henry VIII of Chuckles
00:55and my big belly is in need of laughs.
00:58Yum-yum!
01:00So, let's meet our new cast of competitors
01:03and marvel at their reputations and stature
01:07while they're still intact.
01:09Please welcome...
01:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:27And next to me, a man who admitted to me when he was tipsy
01:30that if he'd been alive in the war,
01:32he probably would have defected to Mussolini's Italy.
01:35LAUGHTER
01:36He loves pasta and he doesn't believe in freedom.
01:41LAUGHTER
01:42It's...
01:43LAUGHTER
01:44Billy Alex Horne!
01:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:02He's most likely to deter people from your premises.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:06Yes.
02:07And this guy's got property coming out of his backside.
02:09Greg will give five points to the thing he thinks
02:12is most likely to deter people from their premises
02:14and all five deterrents will head home with the episode winner.
02:17But for now, Greg, it's back to you and your backside big time.
02:20Here we go.
02:21Thank you so much.
02:22Mm-hm.
02:22Amy, welcome to the show.
02:23Hello.
02:24What have you bought to deter people from my property?
02:27Very simple.
02:28Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:29This is Mrs Clatterbottom, Greg.
02:33LAUGHTER
02:37Full size.
02:39Yeah, she's good.
02:40She's good!
02:41Where did you get Clatterbottom?
02:42So, my friend hand-painted this mask, Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:49Ooh!
02:51And what's your plan to deter people from property?
02:53Are you going to put it in the window?
02:54Yeah.
02:55Like, Home Alone style-y.
02:57You know when a light goes on, when you go into a garden or something?
03:01Yeah.
03:01I think the light will actually go on in the living room
03:03and you'll walk down the path and then the light will come on
03:06and Clatterbottom will be there.
03:07Clatterbottom's there?
03:08Yeah.
03:09I'm never going to break into that house.
03:11Well, that's a good start.
03:11It's one of the strongest starts we've ever had.
03:13Well done.
03:14But it doesn't mean it won't come last.
03:16LAUGHTER
03:19Can you beat Clatterbottom?
03:20Well, look, I've gone, like, just no nonsense.
03:23But I've just put a sign up my gate, which is...
03:25Is this?
03:26This sign here?
03:27This sign here.
03:28And, yeah.
03:28LAUGHTER
03:29I've just got an extra layer of security.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:34Yeah.
03:35Which, as we all know, don't really exist.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:38So, are you presuming that people trying to break into your house
03:41are going to be like, oh, no, I'll have to pay £15 to go rob stuff from?
03:45I mean, if someone's going to steal from me, I might as well make some money from it.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:51I mean, sometimes you're going to have to suspend disbelief on this show.
03:54LAUGHTER
03:56These have been good, Joanna.
03:58Now, someone's going to mess up.
03:59Right.
04:00What have you brought me?
04:00I have brought in a mould of my own head, which I've dressed up,
04:05and a sign inviting people to come and join me in my hot tub.
04:09LAUGHTER
04:10Oh, no.
04:13LAUGHTER
04:14Ah!
04:16This is a mould...
04:17I did a film years ago and I had to have a lobotomy in it.
04:21And so they did, like, a mould thing of my head
04:24where they put, like, this green, alginate sort of stuff on it.
04:27And so they gave me this head at the end of filming
04:30and I was like, well, I've got nothing to do with it,
04:32so I put it in my parents' wardrobe.
04:33And then my son, who's ten, a while ago, found it.
04:37I've never had so much information in my life.
04:39LAUGHTER
04:40I own this sign, but I do think if someone has a sign...
04:44I don't have a hot tub, but I do have this sign.
04:47And if somebody, I think, asks you to go and sit in a hot tub with them
04:50to relax and sing and laugh, I wouldn't go anywhere near that house.
04:54OK, I'm going to have to develop some rules for you.
04:57LAUGHTER
05:03Normally, someone's been absolutely rubbish by now
05:06and I've had to shout at them.
05:08Hello, Joel.
05:08LAUGHTER
05:10It is a glittery frame
05:13and inside that glittery frame is my son's umbilical core.
05:18Oh, that's good.
05:23LAUGHTER
05:23I loved my son, but that bit of congealed blood and skin,
05:27I don't want to be framed.
05:29Whose idea was it?
05:30Because it's like a nice thing when it gets, you know...
05:32But it's not a nice thing, is it? We agree.
05:34Absolutely.
05:35I didn't know that's what it looks like when it dries.
05:38Ah.
05:39So it was, like, appealing when it was wet?
05:45Imagine if that was, like, hung on my door.
05:47OK.
05:47You know, you'd be like, whoa, whoa, this...
05:50I've got to go now.
05:52LAUGHTER
05:54Thieves around Britain are going to be ready for you.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:57It's incredible.
05:59Kamal, hello.
06:00What have you brought me?
06:01I think this sign speaks for itself.
06:03Yes, Kamal has brought this in.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:10Nobody's going in there.
06:11Is this a real Department of Homeland Security sign?
06:14No, it's not a real one, Greg.
06:16I'm trying to stay away from where the real signs are.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:21It's strong. OK.
06:23Here come my points.
06:24I'm giving Joel's horrible umbilical cord one point.
06:27Not because it's not fascinating,
06:28but because it wouldn't stop me from robbing him.
06:30No.
06:31Department of Homeland Security are going to put me off over here.
06:35Oh, it's over here, right.
06:37They don't have jurisdiction.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:43Two points to Kamal.
06:45OK.
06:45I very much found it amusing, Armando,
06:48but if I was a really committed villain,
06:50I don't think I'd get £15 out three points.
06:53Right.
06:53And then we're up to the two creepy women.
06:55LAUGHTER
06:56I'll just do it on gut instinct.
06:58I found Clatterbottom slightly more creepy
07:00than Lobotomy Girl.
07:01Four points to you.
07:02Five points to you.
07:03Well done.
07:03Well done, everyone.
07:07Right.
07:08What is the first task proper of the series, please, Alex?
07:12Well, it's actually something a little...
07:15Oh, my God.
07:18Oh, my God.
07:18Oh, my God.
07:19Oh, my God.
07:19Oh, my God.
07:19Oh, my God.
07:23What's going on?
07:24Oh, my God.
07:27I've got an egg.
07:28You've got a what?
07:29There's no one else got an egg.
07:31Can we see your egg?
07:31Oh, my God.
07:36Oh, no.
07:37Yeah, I see what's happened here, Greg.
07:38There's a chance I might have forgotten to give this one to everyone.
07:42LAUGHTER
07:42Oh, no.
07:45Oh, no.
07:46Oh, no.
07:46I'm so sorry.
07:47Let's have a look.
07:49LAUGHTER
08:03Oh, close than I expected.
08:05So, there's something in your pigeonhole, Joel.
08:11Can I?
08:11Mm-hm.
08:12Protect this egg.
08:14It's in your pigeonhole.
08:16That's my egg?
08:18LAUGHTER
08:18You must have this egg with you, unseen, for every task and every episode in the studio.
08:27Wow.
08:28You must hand Alex your wholly intact egg within 30 seconds every time the egg timer goes off.
08:38If you mention damage or lose your egg, you are disqualified. Your time starts now.
08:43LAUGHTER
08:46Oh, there's the egg.
08:47And I can't damage it.
08:49No, you've got about six months.
08:50Six months.
08:52Do you want a little practice?
08:57That was well within time.
08:58OK, you can go now.
09:01LAUGHTER
09:01Bye-bye.
09:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
09:04So sorry.
09:05Yes.
09:07This is so mad.
09:09I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened.
09:11That was...
09:11The whole time that we were backstage, I was like,
09:14Oh, where is everyone else's egg?
09:17LAUGHTER
09:19No, I'm so sorry, Joel.
09:20I'm so sorry.
09:21And also, you'll notice it didn't say,
09:22If you do it, you'll get any points.
09:24So it's, um...
09:26LAUGHTER
09:28I guess it's up to you, Greg, if we get to episode 10
09:30and he's still got the egg and he still reveals it on the horn.
09:33Oh, no, there'll be no points.
09:36LAUGHTER
09:37LAUGHTER
09:40OK.
09:40Well, that's going to be a lot of fun for everyone.
09:43LAUGHTER
09:43And now, as if things couldn't get any better,
09:46I've got worms!
09:48Oh.
09:49LAUGHTER
09:54MUSIC PLAYS
09:55MUSIC PLAYS
10:02Caravan?
10:02Yeah.
10:03Yeah, why not?
10:04Are you a caravan guy?
10:05No, I hate them.
10:09I like this.
10:10Yeah.
10:11I like that cat, and I'd have that in my house.
10:15And there's a lot of things I'd have here in my house.
10:17Right, well, we'll keep an eye on you then.
10:19LAUGHTER
10:21Why aren't you inside?
10:22Sometimes I go outside.
10:25Doesn't look like it.
10:27LAUGHTER
10:28Find a worm.
10:29Find a worm.
10:31Find a worm.
10:32Find a worm.
10:32Fastest wins.
10:32Your time starts now.
10:33Let's go.
10:34OK, find a worm.
10:35Find a worm.
10:36Find a little worm.
10:38A worm.
10:39Find a worm.
10:40What does that mean?
10:42Ah, do you not have worms in America?
10:45LAUGHTER
10:47We have worms?
10:48Well, find one then.
10:51APPLAUSE
10:57I think we should just crack on with it, really.
11:00OK, and we're going to initiate, invertebrate, investigate
11:02with Amy Gledhill and Joanna Page.
11:05WHISTLE BLOWS
11:05My automatic thought is to go into the garden and dig it up,
11:09but that would be cruel,
11:11and there probably isn't going to be a worm in the garden.
11:14There's going to be a worm here somewhere.
11:17Find a worm, find a worm.
11:19Find a worm.
11:20Yeah, any worm.
11:21Any worm.
11:22But then what about an earworm?
11:24Like, what's it called when there's a worm in your ear?
11:26I think you said it.
11:28An earworm.
11:29An earworm.
11:30Like an actual worm.
11:32Find a worm.
11:34Find a worm.
11:36Find a worm.
11:36A worm.
11:37Find a worm.
11:38Find a worm.
11:39Where would a worm be?
11:40Where would a worm be?
11:41Find a worm.
11:42A worm.
11:42A worm.
11:44No, you're a duck.
11:46It can't be that I'm digging for worms, can it?
11:50Find a worm.
11:52Find a worm.
11:55What are these?
11:56Maggots?
11:57Ah!
11:59Right.
12:00They're maggots.
12:01They're not worms, are they?
12:02Is that a worm?
12:04Might be.
12:06It's not a worm, because I know it's not a worm.
12:10Right.
12:10That's a worm.
12:12Oh, you've got a mealworm.
12:13That's a mealworm.
12:14That's a mealworm.
12:15Lovely.
12:16We're gonna dig up the garden.
12:18It's like when it's been raining, that's when they come up.
12:21Yeah.
12:22There's gonna be hundreds in a minute.
12:24Oh!
12:28Oh, my God!
12:29I found a worm!
12:31I found a worm!
12:35I found a worm.
12:37I found a worm.
12:39I found a worm.
12:39I found a worm.
12:39I found a worm.
12:40I found a worm.
12:40I found a worm.
12:40I've probably talked about it.
12:46Well, I think we know who the BBC are coming to,
12:49and Attenborough finally retires.
12:52There was quite a long period of that VT
12:55that you were just both walking around saying,
12:57find a worm.
12:58And I sort of imagined if one of your family members
13:01that have been there, they'd have turned to me and gone,
13:03she does this.
13:06Where do we stand on mealworms being worms or not?
13:10Well, I'll tell you now, I'm making a judgement,
13:11the mealworms are worms.
13:12So if that was presented, it's a worm.
13:14OK.
13:15Well, Joanna, 14 minutes 30 till she charmed the worm
13:18out of the ground, unharmed.
13:19But Amy, you won't believe it, 3 minutes 35 to find a worm.
13:23A worm.
13:24Wow.
13:25I would have said if she was saying find a worm for one hour.
13:29OK.
13:30That's the end of part one,
13:31and time for our first break of the series.
13:34But first, let's see how their nerves are holding up, because...
13:37Oh, stop it.
13:39LAUGHTER
13:40Yay!
13:42QUICK! QUICK! QUICK! QUICK!
13:46We'll see you soon!
13:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:59Well, welcome back to Taskmaster, where it's very early in the series
14:04and we've already lowered the bar with a worm-finding task.
14:09Yes, Greg, you're absolutely right.
14:10Amy and Joanna went first and succeeded,
14:13which proves that the early birds do catch the worms.
14:15I think that's fine to say.
14:16And we're now going to give two Hollywood superstars a reality check
14:21by making them look for worms just like the rest of us have to.
14:24It's Armando Iannucci and Kumail Nanjiani.
14:28OK, where would a worm be?
14:31Early birds? Early birds get worms?
14:34You want me to find you an early bird?
14:35Would it have a worm in its mouth?
14:37Not at this time of day.
14:39LAUGHTER
14:41You're looking for a worm?
14:42That's not it.
14:44What do you mean, find a worm?
14:46It's a little wiggly, guys.
14:50Oh, my God!
14:54Have you ever looked for a worm before?
14:55I don't think I have.
14:57I get that impression.
14:58I don't... I've never been into worms.
15:00Are those worms?
15:01I don't know, really.
15:03They are.
15:04Well, up to you, really.
15:05They're called mealworms.
15:06Can you search, is a mealworm a worm?
15:10OK.
15:11No, a mealworm is not a true worm.
15:13It's the larval stage of a darkling beetle.
15:17I should not have had you search for that.
15:20Books in books were a bookworm.
15:23I love books, so I'm a bookworm.
15:25I'm a bookworm.
15:28And this is a reminder of the other sort of worm.
15:32And, you know, that's it.
15:33Would you like me to stop the clock?
15:34I think so.
15:36I mean, in my head, it stopped a long time ago.
15:42What am I doing?
15:44I sit here.
16:01Oh, my God.
16:02That's a worm.
16:03I just got a flashback to when I...
16:05when my cat had something like this.
16:07But I saw one coming out of my cat's...
16:09wormhole?
16:11Oh, my cat's wormhole.
16:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:22There's this trend, Armando, on this show where...
16:25and I speak of a man of a certain vintage.
16:28Thank you very much.
16:28Where I find myself pointing out how grumpy and or disinterested
16:34people of a certain vintage can sometimes appear on this show.
16:36You're the first to do both.
16:40But in the final analysis, pretty good, I thought.
16:43I'm buying bookworms straight away.
16:45Fantastic, there we go.
16:45Yeah, you like that.
16:46Right.
16:46So, of the three we've done, two of them have not found worms.
16:54Mealworm is not a worm and a bookworm.
16:57And mealworm is a worm.
16:58It's not a worm.
17:01I've already given the points, then.
17:03Yes, stop.
17:03No, you haven't.
17:04I have.
17:05I will stop.
17:06I love you, Amy.
17:07And I do think, OK, you know what?
17:09You're right.
17:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:13You should certainly have a point.
17:14Well, just one sweet little boy left to go.
17:17It's Joel Domit.
17:20I know exactly where to look.
17:23I'm going in the kitchen right now.
17:36Is that well? Is that well, then?
17:37I've stopped the clock.
17:41See you on.
17:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:43Oh, dear.
17:46I wrote, your enthusiasm was infectious.
17:49You were so pleased that you'd remembered the worm.
17:52But I was a teacher for many years,
17:53and if you'd invaded my space, like you did with Alex,
17:56it would have resulted in retribution.
18:00It's long since not been acceptable in schools.
18:04LAUGHTER
18:07Excited boy, isn't he?
18:08Yes, but who wouldn't be?
18:10You'd be excited if you found a worm in 21.8 seconds.
18:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:16And that boy gets the full five points.
18:18Joel, 21.8 seconds.
18:23But then it gets interesting.
18:24We have Amy in second place.
18:26Joanna, third place.
18:27Armando the bookworm.
18:2916 minutes and one point to Kamel.
18:31It took half an hour to find his worm.
18:35Oh, my God!
18:35Well done, Kamel.
18:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:40Right, let's see the first scoreboard of the series, please.
18:43Assistant.
18:43OK, well, unfortunately, that means, Kamel,
18:46you're in last place with three.
18:47Amy's in the lead with nine points!
18:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:52Well done, Amy.
18:54APPLAUSE
18:56OK, I'd like another task.
18:58Anne, I'd like to see how they work together in teams.
19:01Ooh.
19:02It's a great call from a great guy with great thighs.
19:04Yes, it's the first...
19:07..team task of the series.
19:08And I, for one, am buzzing.
19:13BUZZER
19:19BUZZER
19:22Armando.
19:23Alex!
19:25Good morning.
19:26Good morning.
19:27Are these all fake?
19:28What do you mean?
19:31That's what a pineapple sounds like.
19:33Nope.
19:35Hello?
19:37Come in.
19:39Hi!
19:40Hi!
19:41Oh, my God!
19:42Hi.
19:43Hi, I'm Amy.
19:44Hi, I'm Kamel.
19:45Nice to meet you.
19:46How are you doing?
19:47I'm great.
19:48Nice to meet you.
19:49Any particular favourite amongst them?
19:51A lime.
19:53A lime.
19:54A lime.
19:55There's one particular lime.
19:57Right.
19:57Oh, hello!
19:58Hello!
19:59Hiya!
20:00Nice to see you!
20:01Hiya!
20:02How long have you been here?
20:03Uh, literally just walked in.
20:04Right?
20:05Yes.
20:05Well, off the street?
20:06Uh, yes.
20:07No, around the corner.
20:09There's your buzzer, Amy.
20:11So now I'll have someone to melt down with.
20:15Hey!
20:16Hey, guys.
20:17How's it going?
20:19Hi!
20:20Oh, great.
20:20Good to see you.
20:21Hi, I'm Kamel.
20:22Yes, I'm famous.
20:23Nice to meet you.
20:24Yes, I'm famous.
20:26You look very cool.
20:28Like a leather cap.
20:29Look how cool.
20:30Thanks, man.
20:31I wonder what that is.
20:33Would you like one as well, Joanna?
20:34Yes, please.
20:35Ah.
20:37Joel, like me, if you Google you, the second picture is you without a shirt.
20:43I'm frustrated it's not the first.
20:44Wow!
20:46Oh, my gosh.
20:47Shall we open it together?
20:47Yes.
20:48Come on, then.
20:49Right, go.
20:51Right.
20:52Give Greg five foods correctly.
20:55When the buzzer buzzes, give Greg one food.
20:57If you give Greg the wrong food, you must start again.
21:00If your buzzer does not buzz, you must stay in this room.
21:04First team to give Greg five correct foods wins.
21:08You have a maximum of 35 minutes and your time starts immediately.
21:11Who's Greg?
21:13Have you seen the show?
21:15Oh, Greg!
21:29Yeah.
21:29I'm sorry.
21:30Are you sure?
21:32Not everyone knows.
21:33I was in the moment and because you weren't in the room at that time, I was like,
21:38oh, my God, what's going on?
21:39What have I got to look at?
21:40Who's Greg?
21:44Hey, let's see the teams in action, can we?
21:45Yes.
21:46And we're going to begin by seeing if the team of three figured it out.
21:49It's Joel, Amy and Kumail.
21:52Here we go.
21:55Oh, it's buzzing!
21:57Oh, it's buzzing!
21:57We have to give him a correct food.
21:59I'm going to go orange, potentially nectarine, potentially...
22:03Let's try it.
22:06All right, yes.
22:09He said, all right, yes.
22:10Okay.
22:11It's me.
22:12It's me.
22:13Should we go for another fruit?
22:14A pineapple?
22:17Oh, yes.
22:18Yes!
22:19He liked the pineapple!
22:21He liked the pineapple.
22:21He liked the pineapple.
22:21He liked the pineapple.
22:22He liked the pineapple.
22:22Okay.
22:23All right.
22:24Onion.
22:25Onion.
22:26Onion.
22:28This is our favorite.
22:30This is our favorite.
22:31This is our favorite.
22:32This is our favorite.
22:35Ooh.
22:36Ooh, no.
22:38Ugh.
22:39Bad news, guys.
22:41Oh, shit.
22:42Okay, okay.
22:43Okay, so these are the ones we know he likes.
22:46Yeah.
22:48Okay, yes.
22:49Yes.
22:52No, I wouldn't have thought so.
22:54Oh, God.
22:55Okay.
22:55No.
22:56Doesn't like the pea.
22:57Doesn't like the pea.
22:58Okay.
22:58The carrot goes there.
22:59We like it.
23:00The pea goes over here.
23:02Yes.
23:03Yes!
23:03Guys, we just need one more.
23:05That was good.
23:05He likes it.
23:06Oh, my God.
23:07We just need one more.
23:09Yes, please.
23:11Mmm.
23:12Love the cucumber.
23:13Okay.
23:13Oh, so we've got it all.
23:14We just have to wait until they buzz.
23:16And then we can go.
23:17Okay.
23:17Go.
23:18This is fun now.
23:20Okay.
23:20Now we can just enjoy it.
23:21Wow, we really, really nailed that one.
23:25No.
23:26No?
23:27What?
23:28He said no.
23:29He said no to carrot.
23:31He suggested carrot before.
23:32So there's an order.
23:34Okay.
23:34So he liked this, then this.
23:38The mood has really changed.
23:44Yes.
23:44Yes.
23:45Yes.
23:46What do you want, Greg?
23:51Was that always there?
23:52The drink price?
23:53Because there are five things there.
23:55This one over here as well.
24:00It says instead of time starts now, it says time starts immediately.
24:04And your time starts immediately.
24:07Why is it immediately instead of now?
24:09Is it syllables like, and your time starts immediately?
24:15Egg, meat, fruit, protein, vegetables.
24:18Oh.
24:19Each one has more letters than the last.
24:23Each one has more.
24:26Can we go up from orange?
24:28Carrot.
24:30Oh.
24:33Yes.
24:37Yes.
24:38How much time do we have left?
24:39You've got about 40 seconds.
24:41Oh.
24:41Oh.
24:43This is great, guys.
24:44It feels real.
24:45Wait, we don't have much time left.
24:46Give us a buzz.
24:47Give us a buzz.
24:48Give us a buzz.
24:49Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
24:51Oh.
24:52It's like that final scene in the Eternals.
24:54You've never seen it.
24:55I've seen it.
24:56Oh.
24:56Damn it, man.
24:58Yes, please.
24:59Yes.
24:59One more, one more, one more.
25:0015 seconds.
25:02Yay!
25:04Everybody come here.
25:05Whoever it is will run.
25:08Buzz!
25:09Make a buzz!
25:11Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
25:14no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
25:15Oh, yes.
25:16Yes.
25:17Yes.
25:18Yes.
25:18Yes.
25:19Yes.
25:20Guys, you did it.
25:21That was.
25:22They played forever.
25:24APPLAUSE
25:29Well, it was a shaky start when I witnessed two grown adults
25:33turn into, like, take that fun.
25:36LAUGHTER
25:40But every time we left, we were like...
25:49Although, actually, we were a pretty cohesive team, I thought.
25:52They were a good team. They were working well.
25:54Amy, what was all that syllable bullshit towards the end, though?
25:57What was all that? In primary school, you go,
26:00Who is Greg? Alex. Two syllables.
26:03Yeah. How does it apply to this task? Sorry.
26:08The words were getting bigger.
26:12So, was it Amy that worked out that the words were getting bigger?
26:15Yeah, that there were more syllables, yeah.
26:17Ah! I apologise for calling your system bullshit.
26:21Apology!
26:22ACCEPT IT!
26:23LAUGHTER
26:29OK, advert time. Have a break. Have some tea.
26:32Leave your man. Come back to me.
26:40APPLAUSE
26:45Hello, again.
26:46It's the third part of the show, and it's a team task in play.
26:50Alex, what's the deal?
26:51Oh, hey, mate.
26:53Yeah, they're trying to give your stuff to you five correct foods.
26:57The team of three managed to work out that it's all about delivering the food
27:00in order of the number of letters in each item's name.
27:03And they delivered the goods just in time, but it's fastest wins,
27:06so how will the other team get on?
27:08Representing Scotland and Italy and Wales,
27:10it's Armando and Armando and Joanna.
27:13Right, there's a pineapple here. Is it stuff that's in here?
27:17Yeah.
27:18Oh, it's you, it's you!
27:22All right, yes.
27:24Yes!
27:25Why do we have such a long time?
27:27It's because we've got to discover things.
27:30Food!
27:31That would be...
27:31Egg, meat, fruit, protein, vegetables.
27:34So, meat?
27:35Meat!
27:36It's you again.
27:37Give him a meat.
27:38Oh, right, hang on.
27:42I'm afraid it's a no.
27:44Oh, fuck it.
27:46It's really nice for the first time I've met him.
27:49He's a lot slower than me.
27:51It sort of highlights my manicness.
27:54That was a rejection.
27:55No way!
27:56No, I know.
27:57Oh, my God, we've got to start again.
27:58We've got to start again.
27:59Oh, you're buzzing now.
28:00We need to do them in order.
28:00Oh, you've got to go.
28:02I'm going to go and get an egg from the kitchen.
28:04Right, okay.
28:05How are you finding Bea on a team with Joanna so far?
28:07It's, er...
28:08It's certainly...
28:09Er, walking me up.
28:11You've got an egg.
28:13Yes.
28:13Ooh!
28:16I think she's got high expectations of you, aren't I?
28:19What?
28:20Nothing.
28:21You said yes.
28:23Excellent.
28:23Maybe we should go for meat a second.
28:25Or egg, meat.
28:27I think yes on this occasion.
28:30Yes!
28:31On this occasion.
28:31Oh, my God, we need a fruit now.
28:33We've got you a pineapple.
28:36Oh, yes.
28:37Oh, yes.
28:38Brilliant.
28:39So, we've got to find a protein.
28:42What about that?
28:43Because that...
28:43Or will you just go, that is just basically a cow.
28:47Nice.
28:48Oh!
28:51Oh, I've broken the egg.
28:52I've broken the egg.
28:57I've broken the egg.
29:01Right, so we're going with our trusty egg.
29:04Yes.
29:05Cool.
29:06Yes.
29:07We're trying an orange this time.
29:09Yes, please.
29:11I just want to be spelling out E-B-O.
29:14Ebola.
29:15No.
29:17No.
29:17It can't smell like a bowl.
29:22Five, breast, chicken.
29:25Do you like it?
29:25All right, then.
29:26Yes.
29:26Cool.
29:28Five foods, correct?
29:30Shall we just go for it?
29:31Let's see my hands.
29:31Okay.
29:32Cauliflower, Greg, but we don't know why.
29:35Ooh, yes.
29:36Yes.
29:36Oh, my God!
29:37She said yes!
29:37She said yes!
29:39Yes.
29:39Yes.
29:40I have to stop the pot.
29:42Excellent.
29:42Do you know why you've succeeded?
29:44No!
29:45LAUGHTER
29:48APPLAUSE
29:50Yeah, thank you.
29:51Brilliant.
29:52They're good to know.
29:53Brilliant, yeah.
29:55It's a fascinating dynamic, this.
29:58I can't wait to see this team play out.
30:00Interestingly, we were just girls.
30:03Yeah, we didn't need to know what they were.
30:04No, we didn't.
30:05We just felt that.
30:05Because you thought we were trying to get you to spell out Ebola.
30:08LAUGHTER
30:11E-bola.
30:12LAUGHTER
30:14That does make more sense, though.
30:15Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:18Shall I tell you some timings, Greg?
30:20Yes, please.
30:21Well, we know the team of three found it just in the nick of time.
30:23Nearly 35 minutes.
30:24The team of two, 21 minutes.
30:27Wow!
30:28So they get a five point.
30:30That's a three surge.
30:31So how many points should the team of three get?
30:33They did succeed.
30:34They did succeed.
30:35Three points.
30:35Five and three.
30:36All right, guys.
30:37Three points.
30:41Great.
30:41Another tap, please.
30:43And can it be big fun on a big scale?
30:48Yes and yes, because you deserve it, Greg.
30:50Also, just so you know, I'm in great shape.
31:09That's all about to see that.
31:14Where is he?
31:23why are you laughing you look incredible well it's a hot day hi joe hello Alex you've been
31:32working out I need to go to the gym you look really good do you mind yeah go yeah it's
31:38so
31:39warm I might join you this is really exciting put the most t-shirts on Alex Alex would only wear
31:48t-shirts
31:49launched from the t-shirt launcher and onto a target according to the t-shirt launcher rules
31:56there if a t-shirt lands in a blue circle Alex must wear that t-shirt white circle Alex must
32:05wear every
32:06t-shirt that has been fired so the white circle is the best one if a t-shirt lands on
32:11the central
32:11target that t-shirt must be dunked in the bucket then put on Alex then that is the end of
32:16the task
32:17oh god if a t-shirt lands in a red circle Alex must take off every t-shirt that he's
32:23wearing you must
32:23always launch upwards and each t-shirt can only be launched once if you catch the golden t-shirt
32:32your t-shirt total will be doubled your 20 minutes or until you run out of t-shirts your time
32:38starts
32:38on the whistle have you used a t-shirt launcher before no I've never used a t-shirt launcher before
32:44Alex what do you think my life is I've used one before I worked at the basketball huh the basketball
32:50for the Lakers who's your favorite player on the lake cube cube cube is good fuck he's good
33:05right well Greg Kamel is up first with Armando and Joel but before we begin I do have to give
33:10one of
33:10these health and safety warnings about the video that's coming up just look at the size of his arms
33:15they're massive okay okay just a test
33:38oh very satisfying I might just do this all day I'm trying something else okay new strategy
33:48it's never happened to me before it's not usually a problem I have
33:57that has happened to you before yeah it just happened to me now twice in a row
34:05oh no take it off well I'm not wearing a t-shirt luckily okay this is so fun man oh
34:14that one I'm flapped
34:15oh oh oh oh a lovely launch yes that's on the white it's touching the white I don't think it
34:33is stay there
34:35okay okay
34:38is that on the white that's not on the white either it's golden t-shirt golden t-shirt time
34:45ah right okay I catch this I'm not yeah being careful being careful yeah yeah this is nerve-racking
34:53best of luck don't need it mate are you good at catching yeah I've been catching t-shirts my whole
34:58life
35:04oh okay give extra juice
35:13come on come on come on I can't remember what it does
35:23right good job what does it do oh
35:36good job pleasure thank you thanks for having me
35:41yeah I've never dressed someone in a wet t-shirt before honestly 15 t-shirts left
35:50oh interesting no no no no no oh it's so wet arms up and two oh it's quite cold this
36:03one yep
36:05doesn't say I have to be behind the line there is no line
36:08all right I've got two minutes for as many t-shirts as possible you have two minutes no then you
36:17should
36:18all put them put them on here one and a half minutes okay hurry up this your first day putting
36:27on t-shirts come on man why are you so bad at it that's the end of the talk the
36:33time's up to think
36:35you built this for two t-shirts it's all coming down now
36:44well goodness me have we ever had a contrast between men like we have here the opening reaction to the
36:53t-shirt
36:53launch was like whoa whoa and then we cut over here and it's like all very satisfying
37:01come out you were real action hero for about 30 seconds I went this man's gonna be deadly accurate
37:08and then it was just a total collapse yeah the t-shirt dribbled out of there a couple times once
37:14you stop trusting
37:15yourself there's nowhere to go he's right right advert time in the final part of the show someone will
37:25feel the high of victory and then a couple of hours later find themselves sitting at home between mrs
37:30clutterbottom and a randy mannequin and then and only then will the haunting introspection begin
37:47hello welcome back to the final part of the show the current task started off promisingly in an
37:53incredible location with a t-shirt cannon but then on plotted alex in a cheap nylon muscle t-shirt
37:59and any hint of cool instantly vanished
38:05it wasn't a t-shirt and this ipad does actually play the videos and you are definitely still six foot
38:10eight there are only two people left to go it is amy and joanna this is fun okay
38:18oh my good god
38:28wow
38:31wow
38:38right well that goes far doesn't it can i take some of these t-shirts down there yeah i can
38:44bring
38:44the thing down for you if you want oh my god come on let's go down okay i'm strong remember
38:48okay
38:59what am i doing with the gold one now you're trying to catch it if you catch it
39:02your total at the end will be doubled are you good at catching yep okay
39:20oh my god that was incredible i have to say i've let myself down on your own but i think
39:26i brought it back
39:26with that
39:33all i gotta do is get something on the white and then you've got to put the loads on right
39:38i'm not
39:38going to think about it
39:43so i start putting them on yeah start getting them on i think i'm just going to help you put
39:47on t-shirts
39:48oh you're like a big baby
39:54i've never had a man in front of me put his clothes on this fast before ever
40:02yes
40:03you've got to dunk that in the bucket put it on me and that's the end of the task
40:06oh yes
40:10there we go
40:11it's like putting a condom on a sausage
40:15oh my gosh this is brilliant that's amazing you've run out yeah
40:20brilliant
40:20brilliant
40:31well i guess the obvious first question is have you put a condom on a
40:48excuse me time was running out so both women got 24 t-shirts
40:54wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
41:00wow wow wow
41:00well Joanna can have doubled the number of shirts she put on me what does that do to the score
41:03well it means
41:23The women are on top Joanna's at the top of the leaderboard with 17 then Amy on 16 points
41:46Hello my handsome prince, I'm a little worm. Hello, Greg
41:50Who will be reading the task for us? I think Joanna Page. Ah, Joanna Page. You ready?
41:57Find four oranges if you find an apple you miss your next go if you find a lemon
42:05The order reverses if you find a duck you must greet the duck by name
42:12If you find an orange you can look under another can
42:17Fastest to find four oranges in one turn wins who's starting Alex? Amy's gonna start
42:23I've also gonna say only one person gets points here only the orange finder gets five points
42:30Ready ready Amy find the orange
42:37Miss you next go Amanda you're up
42:41Apple you miss your next go
42:45Lemon that means the order reverses you miss a go you miss a go so it's Camel's turn
42:55Hello Dave
43:01Hello dr. Cooper
43:06Hello Dave
43:08Hello Dave
43:10Dave
43:11Please
43:13Come on
43:14Come on
43:17Ah
43:19Fuck you Debbie
43:23Yes
43:25Yes
43:26Yes
43:27Yes
43:27Yes
43:27Yes
43:27Yes
43:29Yes
43:30Oh
43:33Oh
43:33Yes
43:34Yes
43:34Oh
43:35Yes
43:35Yes
43:36Diane
43:36Oh
43:37Denise, you bitch
43:40There we go good feeling good vibes
43:43Oh
43:45Oh
43:48Debbie, where are the fucking oranges?
43:53Oh
44:17Twiddles the moustache
44:25Oh
44:45Right that
44:53Yes
44:54It's one of these and I can't remember which one
44:56It was
44:57One
44:58Three
45:05Yes
45:07Yes
45:08Oh my god
45:10I feel very confident
45:11Don't listen to them
45:15Come on Joanna
45:19Yes
45:19Yes
45:21I've always thought you'd be the one Joanna
45:23I always thought Joanna
45:25Yes
45:26Right
45:27Feels good doesn't it?
45:28Yes
45:28Yeah
45:29Feels right
45:32Joanna this could be the greatest moment in Taskmaster history
45:37Oh my god
45:39Oh my god
45:41Oh my god
45:42Oh my god
45:47Oh my god
46:11Wow
46:12Wow
46:15Well only one person was able to snuffle out the four oranges and that was of course Joanna Page who
46:19gets the full five points
46:20Thank you
46:28Truly snuffled for Wales there Joanna
46:30She did which means the final league table we have Armando and Joel joint third on 11 points
46:36Ah
46:36And I say that because Joanna's got twice as many points she's won the episode with 22 boys
46:42Oh my god
46:43Joanna Page wins
46:44Please pop up and claim your property
46:46To keep the folk off your property
46:53So what have we learnt today?
46:55Well we've learnt that Taskmaster is the great leveller
46:58If you take part there is no hierarchy
47:00There is no ego
47:01It's just five humans
47:04Being together
47:06But also oh my god
47:08He's so famous
47:16We have begun
47:17We'll see you soon for episode two
47:18But for now here is your winner for the night
47:21Joanna Page
47:22Thank you
47:34Thank you
47:35Thank you
47:46Thank you
47:47Thank you
47:50Thank you
47:50Thank you
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