- 3 hours ago
Tv, Red Dwarf V -Series 1 (Main Feature)-8
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00:00.
00:39Amazing.
00:40The last strawberry in the universe.
00:45Calibrator locked and set.
00:47Organic infrastructure recorded and stored.
00:51Engage the triplicator.
00:55It works.
00:56What works?
00:57Well, we've adapted the matter paddle.
00:59Only now the returning signal is split three ways.
01:02So as well as receiving the original object, we also get two identical copies.
01:07This is going to solve all our supply problems.
01:09Taking into account the computations for recalibration,
01:12I think we can produce four, perhaps even five strawberries a week.
01:17Well, I don't know if the Nobel Prize people run a fruit section,
01:20but if they do, you've got to be this year's hot tip.
01:23Gentlemen, history beckons.
01:26You'll be famous.
01:27They'll build your statues.
01:28They'll even name towns after you.
01:30Dorksville springs instantly to mind.
01:33This machine can revolutionise our lives.
01:36Absolutely.
01:37With this little baby running at full pelt,
01:39I confidently predict we can have a full fruit salad by the end of the year.
01:44It's not just strawberries.
01:45This machine can duplicate anything.
01:48It can...
01:49Sir, what's wrong?
01:51Strawberries are incredible.
01:53It's so succulent.
01:54It's divine.
01:57Is that the same?
01:59Oh, no, no.
02:01How's it different?
02:02Bitter.
02:03Ransom.
02:05It's kind of tangy.
02:07Sorry.
02:07Crunchy.
02:09Tangy.
02:10Kind of chewy.
02:12Meaty even.
02:12It's a funny kind of Wrigley texture.
02:19It's as if the triplicator has extracted all the very best elements out of one duplicate
02:23and all the very worst out of the other.
02:25So what would happen if we reversed the process?
02:28Oh, yes.
02:43Nice experiment, guys.
02:45What do you do for an encore?
02:45Neutron bomb juggling?
02:48Rude alert.
02:49Rude alert.
02:50An electrical fire has knocked out my voice recognition unicycle.
02:54Many Wurlitzes are missing from my database.
02:56Abandoned shop.
02:57This is not a daffodil.
02:58Repeat.
02:59This is not a daffodil.
03:02Well, thankfully, Holly's unaffected.
03:06Right.
03:06The engine core is approaching critical mass.
03:09We'll have meltdown in less than 15 minutes.
03:11I think a brisk stroll in the direction of a cargo bay could be an outstanding career move
03:15at this point.
03:16What do you really say?
03:17Red floor's going to blow.
03:18In less time than it takes a Norwegian to buy ski boots.
03:21Hey, guys.
03:22I think they're playing our tune, the Awooga Waltz.
03:24Anyone care to join me in a quick step?
03:25Let's go.
03:35Holly, open cargo bay doors.
03:38Holly, those cargo bay doors we talked about earlier, would you mind opening them, please?
03:43Holly, the doors, Holly!
03:45The phrase cargo bay doors does not appear to be in my Mexican.
03:48Manual override.
03:49The phrase manual override.
03:50Oh, forget it!
04:02That's 80 clicks.
04:03We should be clear of any possible blast zone.
04:07You really think it's going to blow?
04:08This can't be happening.
04:10Look, nothing's going to happen.
04:12I'm just here as a precaution.
04:14The whole ship's full of fail-safes anyway.
04:17Coolant systems, containment panels, vacuum shields.
04:20The actual chances of it blowing are about one in...
04:30One.
04:40Well, according to the charts, the nearest asteroid with an S3 atmosphere is six hours away.
04:45The trouble is we only have enough fuel for five hours' flight.
04:49I don't think that's going to prove to be a major problem, though, because we only have enough oxygen for
04:54seven minutes.
05:00Well, that doesn't really affect us, does it?
05:03Sorry, sir.
05:04We don't need oxygen.
05:06Now, here's a thought.
05:08If we ejected their corpses into outer space, would the weight reduction allow us to reach the asteroid?
05:21Come on, Rumi.
05:22That's what the attitude...
05:23Sorry?
05:24Is that the red dwarf way?
05:25Born in trouble, all in trouble.
05:27The posse!
05:28The boys from the dwarf!
05:30If one of us is in a fix, the homeboys band together.
05:32It's the way it is.
05:33Have you got anything in writing?
05:38You're a toad, Rumi.
05:39You're a weasel.
05:40You're a slimy, river-dwelling rodent with the models of a praying mantis.
05:44I'm just being a realist.
05:46Look, you only have seven minutes left to live.
05:48That's tragic.
05:49God, it's tragic.
05:51But for the rest of us, life must go on.
05:53Well, if I may interject, sir, in your case, that's not exactly true.
05:58Remember, you are operating on emergency battery supplies.
06:01We have no spares.
06:03In fact, you yourself, sir, will expire in a little under four minutes.
06:10OK, homeboys, let's posse.
06:15Right, right, get a radarscope, scan the wreckage.
06:17Straight away, sir.
06:18Cat, get suited up.
06:19Maybe some oxygen tanks have survived.
06:21Maybe some fuel tanks.
06:23If I can get a fix, I can get out there and bring them on board.
06:27Meanwhile, turn, rip it down to minimum power.
06:29That way, it'll triple his running time.
06:31Sirs, there's something out there.
06:34Two objects, far too vast to be debris.
06:36According to the backlog, they materialize just before the explosion.
06:40Can we get in any closer?
06:42Enhance maximum.
06:48Of course, the triplicator has made two copies of Red Dwarf.
06:51How?
06:52Well, presumably, when I threw the triplicator into reverse, it didn't reverse the process.
06:56It reversed the field of the beam, projecting it out, not in.
07:00So instead of copying the strawberries, it copied the entire ship?
07:03Precisely.
07:04And presumably, the resultant power drain exposed the engine's core and caused the original to blow.
07:09Oh, so like the strawberries, there are two new Red Dwarfs.
07:13One succulent and divine, the other...
07:16Fish bait.
07:18So what's the problem?
07:19We've got to ask the ship.
07:20And from what you're saying, it should be better than the original.
07:23Not quite.
07:24In the lab, the triplicated copies had a limited lifespan.
07:28How limited?
07:29About an hour.
07:30Well, there may be a solution.
07:32The contents of the ship should be triplicated, too.
07:35So there will be a working triplicator on board whichever of the ships is the superior.
07:39You see, theoretically, we should be able to reverse the reversal and replicate the original Red Dwarf by amalgamating the
07:45two copies.
07:46He makes it sound so simple.
07:59We have to find a terminal to reboost Mr. Rimmer's battery pack.
08:02We'll catch you up.
08:10Check that music.
08:12It's magnificent.
08:14I've never heard anything like it before.
08:17Whoa, get along for that air, man.
08:20Makes you feel good to be alive.
08:22Everything about this ship is, well, it's divine.
08:27Hey, let's check the food.
08:31What did you order?
08:32Ultimate test.
08:33Pop noodle.
08:41I'll tell you one thing.
08:43I've been to a parallel universe.
08:44I've seen time running backwards.
08:46I've played pooled with planets and I've given birth to twins.
08:49But I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible pork noodle.
08:54Brothers, we bid you welcome.
08:58There must be much you do not understand.
09:00Come.
09:05You're me, but you're not me.
09:07I am part of you, your higher self, your spiritual side.
09:10I exist in you as potential, but now I'm here, extrapolated from your being.
09:16Extrapolated?
09:16But there is no way you are part of me.
09:19No part of me would ever be seen alive in sandals.
09:23I find clothes a distraction from the pursuit of spiritual and intellectual fulfillment.
09:28That's weird, because I find spiritual and intellectual fulfillment a distraction from the pursuit of clothes.
09:34Let us join our friends in a meditation chamber.
09:37Perhaps then we can spend a profitable evening seeking out answers to the metaphysical conundra
09:42that have plagued mankind since time began.
09:44Sounds wild.
09:46Hold me back.
09:48Philosophy, poetry, music and study.
09:50That is how we spend our time, trying to expand our minds and unlock our full potential in the service
09:56of humankind.
09:57What a pair of losers.
10:00Ah, more visitors.
10:01Come, soul sibling, let us prepare some refreshments.
10:04May your path lead to wisdom, and in wisdom know ye peace.
10:15These guys are supposed to be part of us.
10:17I don't buy it.
10:19These are our higher selves.
10:21They are the people we could have become if all the negative aspects of our characters were removed.
10:25You mean hippies?
10:26Oh, with respect, sir.
10:27You think Jesus was a hippie.
10:29Well, he was.
10:30He had long hair.
10:31He didn't have a job.
10:32What more do you want?
10:33You're so much smarter than you are.
10:36This is my guess.
10:37Your mind records everything.
10:39Everything you see, hear, every word you read, every conversation.
10:41It's all stored in your subconscious.
10:45Somehow, our higher selves have access to that knowledge.
10:47Look, I'm getting itchy feet here.
10:49You got the gizmo.
10:50Let's scram before the mad monk brothers rope us into an evening of philosophical musings and self-flagellation.
10:55It's not about that simple.
10:57This triplicator has only half the vital components.
11:00We need the second triplicator from the low ship.
11:07Let the entertainment begin.
11:09There will be haiku readings, poetry recitals, and musings on the inner soul.
11:15But first, music and dance.
11:17Brother Rimmer is portraying agony.
11:21The soul that searches out the truth.
11:23The truth danced by Brother Cat.
11:32It flicks like a firefly through the cold night at the soul, teasing, confusing.
11:39And agony in torment searches forever in vain.
11:46Brothers, I am compelled to intrude.
11:48What is it, sister?
11:50I am receiving a weak but plaintive distress call from a ship which appears to be identical to our own.
11:54Then we must help them.
11:56With haste, brothers.
12:09Approach pattern plotter.
12:11Okay, let's just take her in nice and easy.
12:31Okay, keep them peeled, guys.
12:45Welcome, brothers.
12:47We bring food at medical supplies.
12:51For a devil, his gun must have gone out accidentally.
12:55Welcome, my children.
12:56We bring you balms and tinctures.
13:00I've come at peace to sing you healing hymns.
13:05Is he dead?
13:07I can only hope.
13:09Oh, poor wretch.
13:11There's a faulty gun.
13:12He's accidentally shot me by a time.
13:14Oh, how I love them.
13:16Brother, there is a grievous fault with thine weapon.
13:19It keepeth shooting people.
13:22You see?
13:23There it goes again.
13:26What is this?
13:27It's a greeting gift.
13:29It's sparkling.
13:29Welcome on.
13:30Come, let us embrace its splendid beauty and share in its vibrations.
13:34Oh, it's exquisite.
13:36Divine.
13:36What does it say to you, brother?
13:39Oh, my God.
13:51Oh, my God.
14:04Oh, my God.
14:18Oh, my God.
14:39Oh, my God.
15:07Hello, my princess.
15:12What do you want with me?
15:14I want to hurt you.
15:17Why?
15:19Because I'm not a very nice person.
15:29Oh, whip.
15:31I'm going to lash you to within an inch of your life, and then I'm going to have you.
15:40Oh, my God.
16:00Sirs, we're running short of time.
16:02We have less than 20 minutes to find the second triplicator and set it up.
16:05I suggest we divide our efforts.
16:08A sage suggestion, brother.
16:10Perhaps I should go with Brother Cat.
16:12You haven't got a weapon.
16:13We have no need of weapons, feline brother.
16:16We wear protective herbs.
16:17I'm going with Budbrae.
16:19As you wish, brother.
16:21Thank you, friend.
16:33It is ready.
16:35Clear his spine.
16:39Wake up.
16:40You don't want to miss the pain.
16:44Can you feel the people as they burrow into your spine?
16:52You guys are two letters short of an allotment.
16:56What do you want, then?
16:57We want your vessel.
16:59Nothing works here, man.
17:01Everything is in decay.
17:03And here is how we're going to get it.
17:14I can't move.
17:16Of course not.
17:18He hasn't turned you on yet.
17:20Show him.
17:24Yeah.
17:32He applauds our efforts.
17:34Maybe he'd like to go for a little walk.
17:37Came over now, eh?
17:38Came over.
17:39I wonder what's in that supply cabinet.
17:53Oh, no.
17:56No.
17:57I wonder if he'd like a drink to calm him down.
18:09Whoops.
18:15Perhaps he'd like something to eat.
18:21Yes.
18:23Yes.
18:27Oh, you guys, I've got to be yanking my chain.
18:36Bon appetit.
18:47Welcome to our team.
18:49No way are you part of me.
18:51Oh, yes, he is.
18:52He's the little boy who used to pull the legs off incense.
18:56He's the little boy who, on a hot summer's day, held a magnifying glass to his best friend's neck and
19:02watched him.
19:06He's the part of you that wants all your friends to fail, the part of you that loves to watch
19:13horror movies, the part of you that lusts after meaningless sex.
19:21He's cruel.
19:22He's selfish.
19:23He thinks terrible.
19:26He thinks terrible.
19:28He thinks he do.
19:28Oh, well.
19:30Ah, but he, he kills.
19:32I'm not capable of that.
19:34Ah, we'll soon see about that.
19:47Nice movie collection.
19:49Revenge of the Mutant Splat Gore Monster.
19:53Die screaming with sharp things in your head.
19:56Gore movies, weapons magazines.
19:59Oh, this place is a shrine to everything that's low and base.
20:02Everything that's designed to sicken the soul and shrivel the spirit.
20:07Oh, toasty toppers.
20:10Oh.
20:12Cinema hot dogs.
20:14Oh, sweaty kebabs with stringy brown lettuce coming out.
20:19Look at this music.
20:21Ham in heaven.
20:22Karaoke crazy.
20:24He's the perfect place tuneful tunes for elderly ladies.
20:28That way.
20:29Oh, wait.
20:30Here it is.
20:31Oh, clearly they have no idea as to its purpose.
20:34How long do we have?
20:36Barely eight minutes, sir.
20:41Have I told today how much I love thee, brother?
20:44How much my heart glimmers like a newborn star when I gaze upon thy impeteous countenance?
20:48Thy love refreshes and cleanses me like a babbling mountain stream, brother.
20:58This, yonder, your likeness, brother.
21:08A knife.
21:09Are you hungry, brother?
21:10I have some pulses and a little curd for your refreshment.
21:16What?
21:18What?
21:20What?
21:20I appear to have stained thy knife in with my blood.
21:23Without any progress.
21:24Without any progress.
21:29Brother, permit me to furnish you with a fresh knife.
21:36Farewell, brother.
21:38My brook is babbled.
21:54I found Goldpull's head.
21:56No sign of doormat's cheeks, though.
21:57Sir, we were so worried.
21:59What happened?
21:59We were ambushed by a platoon of Lowe's.
22:01I was leading a valiant rearguard action.
22:03I found him shivering in a box.
22:06It was a tactical manoeuvre to outfox the enemy.
22:08As was using his uniform as a temporary latrine.
22:12Sir, where is Mr. Lister?
22:13We got jumped and he ran off through the storage bay like a gazelle on steroids.
22:17We'll just have to leave him.
22:18Within four minutes, this ship will no longer exist.
22:22Hey!
22:22There he is!
22:25What took so long, buddy?
22:27What?
22:28Look out!
22:29I'm going to kill you!
22:31I'm a homicidal maniac!
22:33My body's being remote controlled by the Lowe's!
22:37Triton, look out!
22:39You've got to stop me!
22:45Shoot him!
22:46What?
22:46Blow his kneecaps off, it's the only way!
22:49Give me a break, Rimmer!
22:50He's a homicidal maniac!
22:51Put him down!
22:52It must be some other way!
22:54You've got to incapacitate me somehow!
22:56There, Crichton!
22:57Hit him over the head with that axe!
22:58Kill me!
22:59Not if he does it gently!
23:02He's killing the cat!
23:03Oh, what can I do?
23:05Incapacitate me in a painless way!
23:11That was unnecessary!
23:13Unnecessary?
23:14Look what you've done to my neckline!
23:15This stuff never springs back!
23:18Oh, my God!
23:19I think I'm going for the bazooka!
23:22Look!
23:23Left!
23:25Right!
23:26I'm down to reload!
23:28Someone get behind me!
23:29I'm going to come around behind you now, sir!
23:31Okay, Crichton, take me by surprise!
23:32I'm coming around behind you to take you by surprise, sir!
23:35Get on with it!
23:35Surprise me!
23:36You may get an unpleasant sensation of chloroval!
23:38Don't be alarmed!
23:39Surprise me now!
23:40Here comes my surprise, sir!
23:48Okay, how long before the triplicator activates?
23:51Less than two minutes!
23:59Hurry!
24:11Damn!
24:11A black battery!
24:12Who let the lights on?
24:14No, it's the magnetic coils!
24:15They've depolarized!
24:16It's as if the decay on this ship is in some way contagious!
24:1935 seconds!
24:20Try the backup!
24:25Let's get out of here!
24:28Yep!
24:29All systems check!
24:32We're up!
24:33We're good!
24:38Not again!
24:39It's going to be a steering!
24:41Chloroformin!
24:42Oh, wait!
24:43I think I've located the spinal implant!
24:49Where is it?
24:50I've lost it!
24:51It's in his neck!
25:09Polly's back!
25:11Mr. Lister, wake up, sir!
25:13It's over!
25:13We're safe now!
25:15Engaging autopilot!
25:16Call zero, zero, mark zero!
25:17Taking her home!
25:24See what you did to my blue song?
25:26Look at it!
25:26Plus, he almost killed me three times!
25:28I'm sorry, it wasn't my fault!
25:30Once you get one of them things and you just go kind of...
25:33Sir, what's wrong?
25:34I think he just sat on the spinal implant!
25:36I bet it doesn't make sense who's controlling him!
25:43I'd better remove these spinal implants and destroy it once and for all!
25:50Wait a minute!
25:50Just give me one week, that's all I ask!
25:52What are you talking about?
25:57What are you talking about?
25:58Boy, this is gonna be fun!
26:03It's cold outside and there's no kind of atmosphere I'm all alone!
26:09More or less, let me fly!
26:14Fun, fun, fun, fun!
26:17Fun, fun, fun!
26:17It's a sun, sun, sun!
26:20I want two lines!
26:23Ship breaks and cold my toes!
26:24Getting fresh mango juice!
26:27Goldfish shows, dribbling out my toes!
26:31Fun, fun, fun!
26:34It's a sun, sun, sun!
26:37Fun, fun, fun!
26:40It's a sun, sun, sun!
26:57God, come on, come on!
26:57Come on!
26:58And walk, outside theサイズ!
26:58She said it's cold, she was cold, she was-
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