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00:28词曲 李宗盛
00:51Stop, Thief!
01:03Ah!
01:07Ah!
01:25Hello?
01:27Hello?
01:28What do you think you're doing throwing partially drunk milk bottles through my window?
01:32Well, you haven't got a doorbell, have you?
01:34No, we haven't got a doorbell, but you could've knocked, couldn't you?
01:37No, I couldn't, actually, cos I've sprained my wrist.
01:39Have you? How'd you do that?
01:41Throwing the bottle through the window.
01:45Anyway, that's not even my window!
01:49That's my window!
01:51Oh, that one!
01:52That one. Now, come inside.
02:02So, Jim, what's those two birds doing in here, then?
02:04Oh, Bob, it was terrible last night. My dad had his Weege board out.
02:08So?
02:09Them's me auntie and uncle.
02:11Jim, what on earth is your father up to over there?
02:15Bob! Brilliant! Look!
02:16The Alan Ladd Memorial Heel Bar.
02:18And he'll do your shoes for you.
02:20I don't believe it.
02:21Come over, he will!
02:22I do not believe it.
02:24Hello there.
02:25Father!
02:26Father!
02:31Father!
02:32Will you do Bob's shoes for him?
02:34Good afternoon, sir.
02:37Have you known Mexico long?
02:38Or do you use a cordless telephone?
02:41Holidays, it's, ah, nice.
02:43Always nice to get away with the long-lasting bar.
02:47Oui, oui!
02:48Ooh!
02:48I mustn't say that, sir.
02:49Jim, Jim, can we just go?
02:51What's the matter?
02:51What are your heels doing?
02:52Anyway, dig in, sir.
02:54It's all free.
02:55I don't know what I'm doing, actually.
02:56It's quite embarrassing.
02:57Father!
02:58We're just going away for the weekend.
03:01It's a lovely Heel Bar. It really is.
03:03He's very smart.
03:04He's very talented.
03:05He's very multi-talented.
03:10All right, grass snake man.
03:12All right.
03:33You have an important uncle coming round to borrow your Argos catalogue.
03:38You've got an important uncle, haven't you, Bob?
03:39Yep.
03:40Mary Castlebridge.
03:41That's the one, yeah.
03:43Anyway, he's coming round to borrow your Argos catalogue, but unfortunately you've mislaid
03:48it, so instead you lent him, A, a carrier bag full of old engine parts, B, a carpet with
03:56an elves head cut out of the middle, C, a box of contaminated soil with the words Ministry
04:03of Defence on it, D, an afro-call previously used for grounding, E, a 70-year-old Stilton
04:13with a tight woman's belt round it.
04:16That's probably one of those nice bright red belts that you like, Bob.
04:20Yeah, they're smart then.
04:21Answer on back.
04:23Jim, it doesn't matter.
04:24He's not coming.
04:25How did you know the answer to that?
04:27Because he telephoned me and said his axle's cracked.
04:31Give me that paper here.
04:32Let's see what's on this weekend.
04:41Meat festival!
04:42Meat festival?
04:42Eh, we like meat, don't we?
04:44Meat's smart!
04:45Let's go then, yeah?
04:46Come on then, are we?
04:54How are you, Jim, Mum?
04:54We'll be late.
04:55The coach goes an hour.
04:56Are we?
05:11Looking for outside errors.
05:13For you to come out the must of open eyes.
05:18Ah!
05:19Ah!
05:20Ah!
05:27Hello there, I'm your driver Spencer Pendle.
05:31Now we've got a nice clean bus here.
05:34And I'd like to keep it that way, if you don't mind.
05:38Now that means no litter or loose paper.
05:42Are you listening, woman?
05:45I can smell drink on you, a breath.
05:47You're an alcoholic, aren't you?
05:50Go on, get off.
05:51Get off my bus.
06:00Right, let's go.
06:13All right, Jim.
06:15All right, Bob.
06:16Now, Jim, can you tell me what popular mask I'm thinking of?
06:22Well, now, Bob, you could be thinking of two masks.
06:25You could be thinking of the Phantom of the Opera,
06:27which is quite popular at the moment,
06:28or you could be thinking of the Lone Ranger.
06:30Well, which one are you saying?
06:32The Phantom of the Opera.
06:34No, Batman's.
06:36I knew it as well.
06:38All right, Jim.
06:39All right, Bob.
06:39Now, it's Saturday afternoon, right?
06:42And I'm having a nice bit of care.
06:45Is it a Battenberg, a Dirt and Walnut,
06:49or a nice fresh cream spoon?
06:51Oh, that's easy, Bob.
06:52It's a nice fresh cream spoon.
06:54No, it's not, because it's Saturday, you see.
06:56It's a Battenberg.
06:57Oh, you gave us a clue as well.
07:00Clues in the question.
07:02What's an arse?
07:05Meat festival.
07:13Hey, wait a minute.
07:16I know you two.
07:17You've murdered my brother and his family,
07:21brutally mined,
07:23seven years ago to this very day.
07:27Well, you don't get away with that sort of behavior with me.
07:43Wow!
07:44Nice.
07:44Featuring the Red Arrows.
07:49Look, Jim, if it's what you really want,
07:51why don't you just buy it?
07:52I don't know.
07:54Maybe I'll go and have a look at some others.
07:55What's your life?
07:58Can I lay a deposit on it?
08:00What?
08:02No!
08:03A monetary deposit!
08:10Oh, hey, we're having a laugh here, aren't we?
08:18Yeah.
08:23Oh, come on, let's have a look at the other stalls.
08:26It's all right.
08:35Hello.
08:36Hello.
08:42Turkey Seepage. Can I try this one, please?
08:44Certainly, sir. I think you'll like that. My husband scraped it out last month.
08:49Oh, brilliant.
08:58I must have this meat product.
09:01That gentleman over there has laid a deposit on this meat.
09:04What?
09:05No, a monetary deposit.
09:17Oh, no!
09:21Perfect!
09:22I'll take that, please.
09:30Right. I think I've made my mind up. There's just a couple of questions.
09:34One. Is it less than 30% fat?
09:37Yes.
09:40Two. Bob thinks it might be a bit heavy, so can I test it?
09:44Yes.
09:45Thanks.
09:46Yeah?
09:46It's all right. I think I'm going to take it.
09:50Oh, brilliant. I hope I'm doing the right thing.
09:53I think you are doing the right thing, yeah.
09:55It's a nice meat.
09:56Excuse me.
09:57What?
09:58We will buy that meat product from you.
10:00No, I put a lot of thought into this.
10:03Yeah, you put a lot of thought into it.
10:04We'll give you £300 for it.
10:06No, no, you should have got here earlier, see, cos the early bird catches the crop.
10:10Time loves a hero.
10:12He who waits is great.
10:14Come by, army lordy.
10:16Oh, come all ye faithful.
10:19Suddenly I'm pumped full.
10:20Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
10:21We showed you no marks, didn't we, now, on your bike.
10:24Yeah, bye, y'all.
10:26Bye, y'all.
10:28Bye, y'all.
10:48Hello.
10:49Hello.
10:50Could we have a double room for the evening place?
10:52Certainly, sir.
10:53We have a standard room tariff with ensuite shower, air conditioning, trouser press, heated towel rail,
10:59with a selection of towels in white, cream and peach.
11:02Peach?
11:03Mmm.
11:05Tea and coffee facilities and television with movie channel.
11:08Smart and interesting.
11:09We'll take one, please.
11:10Thank you, sir.
11:11Room 835-019-000-0.
11:17Enjoy your stay and here are your complimentary gloves.
11:20Thank you very much indeed.
11:28May we have a room for the night, please?
11:30Single?
11:30Double?
11:31We don't mind.
11:31So long as the double and next to those two previous residents, please.
11:34Certainly, sir.
11:34Room 7.
11:46Ah, the light doesn't work.
11:51Look!
11:52The telly doesn't work.
11:53Oh, Jim, man.
11:55I have a confession to make.
11:57I killed a man.
11:58Don't lick it, man.
11:59I killed a man.
12:00I'm telling you.
12:01What?
12:01The window doesn't open.
12:03Don't tell me that doesn't work either.
12:05No, I think this will work.
12:08Room service.
12:10Coming!
12:14Settling in nicely, sir.
12:16I've brought your Bible, sir.
12:19I love eggnog, mate.
12:20Oh, sir.
12:22What a lovely sausage.
12:25It's a little warm in here, sir.
12:27It could cause hardening, sir.
12:29Allow me to place it in our refrigerator, sir.
12:31It would be best...
12:33That sausage stays here!
12:41Did you ask to be serviced?
12:43No, not for a long time.
12:44From Bush.
12:46Fat bloke still...
12:48I love eggnog.
12:50Cloud covering...
12:56I love eggnog.
12:58There you go, dear!
13:01I love eggnog.
13:05I love eggnog.
13:15I love eggnog.
13:19I love eggnog.
13:48Ah, that was a good 15-hour clip.
13:5115's a number, Bob.
13:52Yeah.
13:53You've got to be sleeping in your eye there, Jim.
13:54What?
14:00So let me get this straight then, Bob.
14:02Mustache over the top lip, beard covers the entire lower jaw, fringe hangs over the forehead,
14:07and eyebrow un... over the top of the eye.
14:12Well done.
14:13I knew you'd get it.
14:14Still no reply from the hairdressing school, are you?
14:16No, I'm still waiting.
14:25I like eggnog, me, Bob.
14:29I tell you what, those fellas were desperate to get hold of my speciality meat product.
14:35Yeah, but you wouldn't give it to them, though, would you?
14:38No, I wouldn't.
14:41The meat is mine.
14:48Oh, Bob, this plush is alive with static.
14:57I'm just going to the bog.
15:18Jim, what's the handbag carnival partridge underbelts going on here?
15:22Bob!
15:24Bob!
15:24It's like this.
15:25These three gentlemen here are aliens and they need my speciality meat product to feed
15:31their queen so she may pupate and thus ensure the survival of their race.
15:37So I've given it to them in exchange for them being my slaves for half an hour.
15:45Who's up to it?
15:46Come here.
15:48Come here.
15:48Come on.
15:51Jim, you're an honest man, a nice man, right?
15:54A pleasant fella.
15:55But you're a gullible, guileless simpleton, aren't you?
15:59It's true, man!
16:00Stop that, right?
16:01Now, look, yesterday we could have got 400 quid for this.
16:04That would have bought some bricks, a nice sheet of polythene and part way towards buying
16:08a tomato farm.
16:10Come here.
16:13Show him what you showed me.
16:24You see, they've been wearing the guise of humans so they can pass undetected in the
16:31human world.
16:32But now you can see them in the true forms.
16:35Jim, they're not true forms.
16:37Not their shows, man.
16:39They're true forms.
16:40They're real IDs.
16:43Now, we've got to get them back to the spare ship.
16:46Why, aye, man.
16:47It's all true what the kidder says.
16:49We need the specialty meat to feed our queen so she can make worms-like.
16:53You know, because that's how we started off, as like, as bairns and that.
16:57But we'll plan it'll be knocked.
16:58That's them, Sarge.
17:00Right.
17:00You lot better come with me to the station.
17:02Otherwise, you'll jolly well suffer for it.
17:04Well, what have they done?
17:07The past three months, these blighters have been pilfering speciality meats from innocent
17:12shopkeepers the length and breadth of the country.
17:14Of course, there don't men are shortcomings.
17:16You can't do that.
17:17I've still got 20 minutes of slavery left.
17:19Look, copper.
17:21Never mind your petty meat product-based misdemeanors and felonies, right?
17:26We've got a planner to save.
17:28Oh!
17:29Hey, you, that's not on.
17:34Look, Jim, what's going on here?
17:36He's freeze-dried them with his special eyeballs, so we've got to get them into that booth.
17:42Jim, that's not a booth.
17:43It's more of a kiosk, that.
17:45No, Bob.
17:45If it was a kiosk, it'd have a shelf in it.
17:48No.
17:49If it was a kiosk, there'd be a counter shelving.
17:51You're thinking of a pantry.
17:53So what's a kiosk without shelving and a counter?
17:56That's a booth.
17:58Exactly.
17:59That's a booth.
18:00How we're used to.
18:01These police are only frozen for 30 seconds.
18:03Run!
18:18Where's my ship?
18:20You porked it.
18:21By an old discarded prum.
18:23Look it over in the outer side.
18:27Old discarded prum.
18:30Old discount warehouse.
18:31Old disgraced athlete.
18:33Old disfigured woman.
18:34Old diseased man.
18:36Old disprin.
18:37Old discarded clam.
18:38Old discarded prum.
18:40Got it!
18:40Behind Hedge 8, Area B.
18:42Let's go!
19:05Here I go.
19:05What are you stopped for, Jim?
19:07Shhh!
19:07Shhh!
19:15Shhh!
19:18Shhh!
19:25Shhh!
19:28Shhh!
19:38Jim!
19:38What a ridiculous road choice!
19:40Look there's a river here!
19:41Shut up!
19:42Look!
19:46Wow-wee!
19:50Wow-wee!
19:53Ah-ha-ha!
20:19Thanks, Liv.
20:22Oh, Jim, stop that. Come on. Come on, Jim.
20:50Come on. Come on.
20:59We'll speak up to a young man.
21:16Well, thanks for all your help.
21:20Hey, brilliant. No problem, you nice people. You look a bit daft-like.
21:24Well, what more can we say?
21:28Oi! You lot!
21:30Where's my bleeding mate?
21:33Oh, no! That's what, Queen!
21:36What are we gonna dee?
21:41Oh, the sausage! Go on, Bob.
21:48Jim, you can hardly be trusted with anything these days, can you?
21:53You're supposed to be the produce guardian.
21:56Oh, not to do.
21:57Do that! Stop!
21:59Is this what you're looking for?
22:01The speciality meat product!
22:06Hurrah!
22:08Hurrah!
22:09Hurrah!
22:16Thanks, copper.
22:18Thanks, lads.
22:21Now, if there's help we can dee for yous.
22:25Hey, yeah.
22:26Could you turn Jim's aunt and uncle back to the former selves?
22:28Why, aye, kidder.
22:29It's as good as done like.
22:32You know, we've got to learn to live together.
22:35But before we can, we've got to learn to give as well as take.
22:40You know, as cultures may be a port, but caring cannot do any barriers.
22:48If only others had fully an example, it'd be a cany river lake, you know.
22:56Oi!
22:57Get that meat in here now!
23:00I'm absolutely busting for it!
23:06We're better gang.
23:21.........
23:23..
23:23Line here on.
23:28Alec Bonster!
23:30But have another hand.
23:47D'you know what, Bob?
23:49What?
23:49I like aliens.
23:51I thought it was eggnog you liked.
23:53I'm allowed to like more than one thing, Anna.
23:55Alright then, alright, then you like aliens and eggnog.
23:57Yes I do, fancy pants.
24:00Alright then, Bob.
24:01What?
24:02I'm in the stationer's shop and I'm going to buy quite a hard piece of stationery.
24:07What is it?
24:08Stationer's hard item, hard item, that's easy, that's a franking machine.
24:11Oh, blimey, I don't know how you do it!
24:14I love that, I'm happy.
24:16Do you want to come in for an eggnog?
24:17I don't like eggnog, but yes I'll come in.
24:22Jim, what are these two foxes doing in here?
24:25Bob!
24:26It worked!
24:27Andy and Uncle.
24:29They're back.
24:30It's them!
24:31I can't believe it!
24:33I can't believe it!
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