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00:00Warning, the following program contains scenes of graphic stupidity among lifelong friends who compete to embarrass each other
00:13Let's just get this started
00:14Are you kidding me?
00:28Today we are working as managers at roll and rosy the goal is to throw somebody out of the restaurant
00:33The catch is you don't know who it is and you don't know why you're tossing him if the customers
00:37stop you from throwing this person out you lose
00:43All right, Murr, scan that room and see if you can pick up on what's gonna go down
00:47Yeah, I'm looking, I'm seeing that
00:49Uh-oh
00:50Oh
00:50Is that a young woman breastfeeding her newborn child?
00:55Oh, no, no
00:56That just don't fly around these parts
00:58Oh, no, no, no
00:58Shut it down
01:00I'm sorry, I'm sorry, ma'am, you cannot be breastfeeding your child in here, you have to, you have to
01:05step out, I'm sorry
01:07You cannot be doing that here
01:09Oh, yeah, baby
01:10What's that?
01:11Nice and easy
01:12No, I know, but you cannot be breastfeeding your child in the, it's a restaurant
01:17It's natural, wow, the people of Brooklyn are standing up for us
01:21This isn't OnlyFans, ma'am
01:23This is not OnlyFans, we do not want to see your breasts in a restaurant
01:27Oh, man
01:28Okay, so I am sorry
01:31Yeah
01:32Look at this guy
01:33You have to leave right now
01:34Are you going to throw him out?
01:36Yeah, I am absolutely going to throw you out
01:38Yeah, I mean, you guys agree with me, right?
01:39This is a...
01:40No, no, no, no
01:41What?
01:42Wait, what?
01:43How am I wrong here?
01:44I don't get it
01:45You guys came for beef, not bosom
01:49You see this, right?
01:50There's no outside food or drink
01:52Your baby's both eating and drinking
01:54I'm just defending the restaurant policy
01:59I mean, you guys agree with me on this, am I right?
02:01You know what?
02:02Nobody in the restaurant agrees with you
02:04I feel like they do
02:05I see nothing
02:05No one sees nothing
02:07No one?
02:07Sir?
02:08You are nuts
02:11Thank you
02:12All right, fine
02:14Everyone line up to see free bosom
02:20Our husband was here
02:22He would give me a beating
02:23He'd give you a beating?
02:25You think your husband can take me?
02:27Doesn't matter
02:30Fine, I guess I'm the jerk here
02:32I'm a good man
02:33I'm a good man
02:34Yeah
02:34I'm a good man
02:38I'm a good man
02:42I'm a good man
02:48Aren't I?
02:52You ready?
02:53All right, buddy
02:53Who are you going to throw out in the streets of Brooklyn now?
02:55I'm looking around right now to see
02:57Excuse me, everyone
02:58Hi, I just want to announce
03:00That our church group just got $10,000 in donations
03:08Praise Jesus
03:09Our makeup artist, Lulibeth, is the leader of the church group
03:12One of the most beloved crew members today here to torture Sal
03:14And I would love for us to sing for y'all and rejoice of this
03:20Come on now, come on
03:21All right, Sal
03:22Throw out the singing church group
03:25No singing allowed in the old Rollin' Rolls, the baby
03:28You just, you just
03:31You are mine
03:32I'm gonna let it shine
03:36This yellow light
03:39I'm gonna let it shine
03:41Good luck
03:41This little light
03:43Oh, this little light, baby
03:45I'm gonna let it shine
03:48I'm gonna let it shine
03:50Know, know, know
03:52No, no, no, guys, please.
03:53I'm the manager.
03:55I can't have them singing like this.
03:57It's a disruption, guys.
03:59Guys, we need to shut it down.
04:02Enough, guys, please.
04:03I can't have this in here.
04:04I'm so sorry.
04:05God bless you all.
04:06God bless.
04:08I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
04:09I'm sorry.
04:10You got to get out, guys.
04:12Excuse me.
04:12Nobody wants to hear this.
04:14Nobody wants to hear this.
04:16Get out!
04:17Get out of here!
04:20Shine outside.
04:21Shine it outside.
04:25Sing your song, Walkin' Lady.
04:27I'm sorry.
04:33I'm so sorry.
04:36Sorry.
04:37Sorry about that.
04:37Praise be.
04:38Order 469.
04:41No one stopped him.
04:43Wow.
04:45Let's just keep rolling and roasting, people.
04:46Let's keep rolling and roasting.
04:51All right.
04:52Look around.
04:53I see Jonna.
04:55Is that Mia?
04:56Is that Mia?
04:57Mia Kast.
04:59Dan Kast's daughter.
05:00That is Dan Kast's daughter.
05:01Where's Dan?
05:03What is this?
05:04Oh.
05:04Wait.
05:05There's Dan Kast.
05:06Is he returning home from the military?
05:08Oh, my God.
05:09Oh, my God.
05:09Is he surprising his daughter?
05:11It's a military reunion with mom's daughter and dad?
05:16I'm here.
05:19Oh, good to see you.
05:21How are you?
05:24Yeah.
05:25Wow.
05:25Yeah!
05:26Whoa!
05:28All right.
05:28OK.
05:29Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
05:31OK.
05:32No videoing in here.
05:33No video.
05:33Sorry.
05:33No videoing.
05:34I'm going to need you.
05:35If you want to shoot, you're going to have to delete that video.
05:36If you want to shoot stuff like this, you can't.
05:39How could you say that to them?
05:40You're doing the same?
05:41That guy just came back.
05:41Oh, oh.
05:42Yeah!
05:44Yeah, I come home from work every night.
05:46I don't take a video doing it.
05:47What he does for a living and what you do for a living is totally different.
05:51You're not allowed to shoot videos in here.
05:54You're a pathetic person.
05:54I'm going to take a video now, too.
05:56Ah!
05:56This guy's like, I'm taking a video, too.
05:59Let's go, Daddy.
06:00Let's go, Papa.
06:01Oh, my God.
06:02Go ahead.
06:02This guy's in the military.
06:04I'm on the front lines of Roland Roaster.
06:10Go home.
06:11Go home.
06:11I am home.
06:16Get out of here.
06:18No, you get out of here.
06:19Back to the deserts.
06:20Back to the deserts with him.
06:22You're some kind of asshole.
06:27Yeah.
06:28You're going to get out of here.
06:30You get out of here.
06:30Back to the deserts with him.
06:31What are you, some kind of asshole?
06:33If there wasn't a lot of people here, you'd be on the floor right now.
06:36Oh, I think we all learned something today.
06:39This might be fun.
06:40About how brotherhood.
06:41We learned that you're a piece of man.
06:45Round of applause if you agree.
06:47Round of applause if you agree with me.
06:52Oh, man.
06:53That was.
06:54That was.
06:56She was leaving.
06:56Holy God.
07:00The customer is always right, and Murr is always wrong, so he's first up on the loser board.
07:06Today we're at Ali Ali Market, and we're having a little disagreement with our spouse.
07:10The goal is to enlist the help of a stranger to butt in and say, excuse me, I couldn't help
07:15but overhear, and then completely take our side.
07:17Your side of the argument will be given to you by the other guys.
07:20And if you can't get the stranger to say exactly what you told them, you lose.
07:28All right.
07:30John, I will be playing Murr's wife today.
07:32It's a safety issue?
07:33Yes.
07:34I don't even know what that means.
07:35I just want to be safe.
07:36I think that's a fair thing.
07:37Okay, it is completely safe, I'm telling you.
07:39You know, I'm...
07:40Jeez, you're riding my balls here.
07:42Yeah, okay, he's listening.
07:44I'll be right back.
07:45I'm going to run to the bathroom.
07:46Okay.
07:47The guy at the end is also engaged.
07:50You got everybody engaged.
07:53Pick your choice, Murr.
07:55You hear this?
07:56Here's what we're debating, okay?
07:57Every time we go on the boat, every time we go on the boat, she covers up with this ridiculous
08:02life jacket.
08:03She covers up with this ridiculous life jacket.
08:05Instead of just being herself.
08:07You know what I mean?
08:07Letting herself be.
08:09Instead of just being herself.
08:11You know what I mean?
08:11Like, just letting herself be on the boat.
08:14Maybe you can help me out.
08:15When she comes back, could you say, uh, excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear.
08:18You saw on the news.
08:20You saw on the news.
08:22That someone in a life jacket fell in the water.
08:24That someone wearing a life jacket fell in the water.
08:27And the force of the water.
08:29And the force of the water.
08:31Pushed the jacket up.
08:33Pushed the jacket up.
08:34It popped her head off.
08:35Popped her head off.
08:36Gone.
08:37Decapitated.
08:39Make it deadly serious.
08:41I need your help.
08:45She's coming.
08:46She knows you.
08:47Oh, jeez.
08:47Well, you know what to say.
08:49I need you.
08:50Hi, love.
08:51Hi.
08:52Love.
08:54He's just getting up.
08:55Life jackets are not safe to wear on a boat.
08:58Right, sir?
08:58You have a nice day, guys.
08:59No, no, no, no, Byron.
09:00Byron.
09:01Byron, I'm serious.
09:03Dude, Byron is leaving a dust trail behind him on the way out the door.
09:08All right, we'll give you a second chance with the other guy.
09:12I left my phone in the bathroom.
09:13God.
09:14I'll be right back.
09:16Did you hear this debate I'm having with my wife?
09:19Do me a solid, because Byron left me hanging out to dry.
09:22I need you to say that you saw something on the news.
09:24That somebody wearing a life jacket fell off a boat.
09:27And the force of the water hit them so hard that the life jacket made their head pop off.
09:30You got it?
09:31Okay.
09:31Hi, love.
09:34Enough of the debate.
09:35I'm telling you, you don't need a life jacket on our boat.
09:38It's the seatbelt of the boat.
09:39You don't even need a life jacket on the boat.
09:42I mean, I don't know if you saw that thing on the news.
09:45What was on the news?
09:48You just said it when my wife was in the bathroom.
09:50No, um...
09:51It was the woman's head, Riley.
09:53No, listen.
09:54The head pop off.
09:55I think...
09:55Don't Byron me!
09:57Safety stuff, I think maybe you should wear.
10:01No, no.
10:02He was telling me that he saw in the news that some woman's head popped off from wearing
10:05a life jacket.
10:06That's fact.
10:07Yeah.
10:08You're so full of shit.
10:11We had a whole thing.
10:13Sorry, Dave.
10:14Let me tell you, man.
10:15If you were ever in the same situation, I'll be your Byron.
10:23All right, babe.
10:24All right.
10:24Look, I don't want to, like, belabor this too much.
10:27I feel like it's, like, just too mature.
10:29Do you know what I mean?
10:29In what way is it too mature?
10:32People got to grow up sometime.
10:33Yeah, but, like, why today?
10:35And why immediately with such an intense subject matter?
10:38Oh, I wonder what this could be about.
10:39Yeah.
10:40I'm going to run in the bathroom.
10:41I'm telling you, Q, we're not taking it easy on you on this one.
10:44Oh, boy.
10:46Let me get your opinion on this, like, if you don't mind.
10:48I'm trying to teach the kid about history.
10:50I'm trying to teach the kid about history.
10:52And I want to show him some subject matter that she doesn't think is appropriate just yet.
11:00And, you know, if you could do me a solid, actually, when she sits back down, if you could be
11:08like, oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't help but overhear.
11:10But I'm a teacher.
11:11But I'm a teacher.
11:13And it is common.
11:14And it is common.
11:15To show the hanging of Hussein to a fifth grader.
11:20It is common to show the hanging of Hussein to a fifth grader.
11:26You remember who Saddam Hussein was?
11:28He was the dictator in the Middle East.
11:30You're a teacher.
11:31You should know this.
11:32No, no, no.
11:33Anyway, I feel like, hey, man, fifth grade is a good time to teach the lesson of if you do
11:39bad things, there are consequences.
11:42I thought you just wanted to teach about history.
11:44Not that if you do something, you can get hung.
11:46So I need you, as a teacher, to jump in and be like, it's totally common for a fifth grader
11:52to see Saddam Hussein get hung.
11:54That would be great.
11:56That would be great.
11:57Oh, shh, shh, shh.
11:58Hey, babe.
11:59Hey.
11:59Babe.
12:00How you doing, sweetheart?
12:01Hey.
12:01We, uh, what were you just saying?
12:06Babe, it's just like he's never going to learn.
12:08What were you saying before?
12:10She was saying something before.
12:11No, no, I was not saying anything before.
12:14You were a teacher and it was totally common that you showed people getting hung in your class constantly.
12:22Nothing.
12:22She said that.
12:23That's a teacher.
12:27Sal, you're up.
12:28And joining you is our dear friend, comedian Adam Ray.
12:30So, Adam, when you sit, you're going to be a little peeved at Sal, your husband, okay?
12:34I just don't know why you would say that.
12:36Uh-oh.
12:36It feels like a word that not everybody even knows how to use.
12:40He's in.
12:41That was a heat of the moment thing, okay?
12:42It really bothered me, baby.
12:44Like...
12:44No, I know, but what do you want me to say?
12:45I don't know what to say.
12:46I want you to say not that word to me ever again.
12:49Uh-oh.
12:49All right.
12:50Get up.
12:50Go to the bathroom.
12:51I have to go to the bathroom.
12:52I heard they have a bidet here.
12:53I want to try it out.
12:54I don't even have to go.
12:55I just want to try it out.
12:56I'm sorry.
12:57I'm sorry.
12:58This guy heard.
12:59Trust me, he heard everything.
13:01I don't know if you heard that.
13:03Oh, I try not to.
13:04A little embarrassed.
13:04Sorry.
13:05But he's a little upset because I, uh...
13:06He's mad I called him a bastard, but I didn't.
13:08He's upset with me because he said I called him a bastard.
13:11I said you're acting like a bastard.
13:13I said he's acting like a bastard.
13:15I hear that.
13:16Yeah, yeah.
13:17When he comes back, can you do me a favor?
13:19Maybe you could just say, I heard you guys,
13:20and I'd just like to say there is a difference
13:23between calling someone a bastard
13:24or saying someone's acting like a bastard.
13:27You know?
13:27I can't wait to that, but...
13:29Two seconds.
13:30He's very sweet.
13:31I mean, it's not like his...
13:32Yeah.
13:32Also, you're an architect.
13:33Maybe you could...
13:34Maybe you could, uh...
13:36His dad's an architect.
13:37He respects architects.
13:38His father's an architect.
13:39He really respects architects.
13:40Maybe you could just be like...
13:43You're an architect as well.
13:45Nah, I can't go that far.
13:47Oh!
13:48I'll...
13:49I'll...
13:49Hey.
13:51I don't know how I'm here.
13:52I'll ask what you're yes.
13:57He's upset with me because he said I called him a bastard.
14:00I'll...
14:00I'll...
14:01Hey.
14:02I don't know how I'm here.
14:03I'll ask what you're yes.
14:05I am...
14:06I just want to move past that for tonight.
14:08You said I'm a bastard.
14:09But I didn't say that, right?
14:10I said that you were acting like that.
14:13Anybody...
14:13Anybody would probably understand what I'm trying to say.
14:17That...
14:18It's a little less bad than we feel.
14:21Any architect will say that.
14:23Anybody will say that.
14:24An astronaut, architect, anybody would say it.
14:27He's laughing.
14:28He shook his head.
14:28Oh, Adam, you left something in the bathroom, buddy.
14:31My phone's in the bathroom.
14:32I left my phone.
14:32Wait, wait, wait.
14:33All right, all right.
14:38You guys are on the floor.
14:41Everyone's going to do this.
14:42I don't want to get involved, but I...
14:44I'll put a word in.
14:46Please, thank you so much.
14:47Okay.
14:47Go, Adam, go.
14:48Introduce this guy as an architect, Sal.
14:51Hey, can I just say something?
14:53What?
14:53My friend...
14:55Well, a new friend of mine.
14:57This guy's an architect, and...
15:00My dad's an architect.
15:01Adam, you love architects.
15:03I'm...
15:03I love architects.
15:05Architects are awesome.
15:06What is your favorite architecture book?
15:08Frank Lloyd Wright, he told me.
15:12I don't get too involved in this.
15:13Yeah.
15:14If he's saying he's...
15:15You're acting like a bastard,
15:17he's not calling you a bastard.
15:19That's it.
15:20That's all I want to say.
15:20That's all I'm...
15:21Thank you so much.
15:21That's all...
15:22Because this is an innocent bystander architect.
15:24No, I'm not architect.
15:25Yeah.
15:25No, I'm not.
15:26No, I'm not.
15:28Well, I, sir, do not trust you, then.
15:31I have no time for fake architects.
15:33Good day and bidet.
15:34Don't be so loud.
15:36Good day and bidet.
15:39Murr and Hugh couldn't get any backup,
15:41making Murr tonight's big loser.
15:44Okay.
15:45Okay, so James S. Murray lost.
15:47And for his punishment,
15:48we're here at the Mysterious Bookshop
15:49for a book reading by our buddy
15:51and multi-platinum best-selling author,
15:53Brad Meltzer.
15:54All you have to do is sit amongst
15:55Brad's biggest fans during the event.
15:58And that's it.
15:59Oh, we did make a snack for you to eat.
16:01So that's all you got to do.
16:02You just sit down,
16:03you just open that bag up,
16:04and you finish your supper.
16:05That's it.
16:06Let's get cracking.
16:07Mm-hmm.
16:08Suspicious.
16:09Let's give a nice, warm welcome
16:11to Mr. Brad Meltzer.
16:15So first of all,
16:17this is a really intimate event we're doing.
16:19So we are here
16:20at Brad Meltzer's book event.
16:23You look around the room,
16:23and these are well-read people.
16:25I don't think they have any time
16:27for Murray finishing his supper tonight.
16:30Well, let's get that odor in the air.
16:32Why don't you open it, buddy,
16:33and see what you'll be eating?
16:35I remember thinking,
16:36I said, what just happened?
16:37The zipper is loud.
16:39As a culture right now,
16:41we're starving.
16:42Yes, it is three loose lobsters
16:44with drawn butter
16:45and the cracking utensils you need.
16:50This is going to be a feast
16:52for a fit for a king.
16:53Does it just smell like cooked crustacean
16:56in that room now?
16:57Also, Murray, just to let you know,
16:58I had them shut off the A.C.
17:03So it's a little warm in there as well.
17:05When I was 22 years old...
17:07You should get to eating, bro.
17:08I don't have to tell you.
17:10That's not tonight.
17:12Oh, my God.
17:14Do you want to know
17:15who the next hero is?
17:15Yes, yes.
17:16Okay, my God.
17:17Yes.
17:19She's not dead,
17:19despite what you think.
17:20Bro, that's six pounds
17:23of lobster.
17:28Oh, there she goes.
17:30She just noticed.
17:31She's like,
17:32is that a lobster?
17:36They were like,
17:38no, no, no, Taylor Swift,
17:40you are not dead.
17:41I don't tell you
17:43for the very first time.
17:48So you ready for some fun?
17:49Yes!
17:52Get that tail meat, bro.
17:54Okay, so John's on his way.
17:59Oh!
18:04All those lobster juices?
18:08Bro, just do two quick sniffs
18:10to the air
18:10like you smell something,
18:11but don't mention it.
18:12...experience in your life
18:13that you've ever seen.
18:17This is great.
18:17I know everybody's excited
18:18to hear more about the Piper.
18:22There you go.
18:22All right,
18:22you got some lobster juices
18:23on those books.
18:26She's wiping it off you.
18:27She's wiping it off you.
18:28You're drawn butter
18:29off the book.
18:30It's like when you're
18:31in college, right?
18:36Look, look, look, look.
18:38Look, look, look, look.
18:41What happened was
18:42I had a...
18:47She just got hit
18:48with lobster shrapnel.
18:49She's like,
18:50this can't be happening.
18:51Throw him away or be...
18:53Get that claw meat.
18:54Get that claw meat.
18:54...from where we are now.
18:56He sat there,
18:57and I remember
18:57there was this kid morning.
18:58Oh!
19:03Right.
19:04Just give me a small,
19:06very small.
19:07Mmm.
19:10No, yeah,
19:11so definitely
19:12throw your children's toys away.
19:13Mmm.
19:18What's that?
19:18What's that?
19:19I'm sorry.
19:19I'm a little smarter than I am.
19:20That's fine.
19:21The thing that I...
19:21What did you...
19:22Jared, you're one of
19:23that that's important
19:24in writing,
19:25and when someone
19:25tells you something wrong,
19:28you're not more for this.
19:28You're not more for this.
19:28You're not more for the lobster.
19:36So, President Clinton...
19:37Mark, hit it with some citrus.
19:38...had read my book,
19:39The First Conspiracy,
19:40and given us...
19:41Oh, first.
19:41Hear me, good eyes.
19:45The crowd is whispering
19:47about you.
19:48It's a game of telephone.
19:50Oh, first.
19:52You know what we're getting into.
19:53I think they're...
19:58You got some, uh...
19:59some street corn in there as well.
20:01That's what we're getting into there.
20:07You got some, uh...
20:09some street corn in there as well.
20:13Let's have at that a little bit.
20:15I said, uh...
20:18She's like, he is not going for the cop.
20:24You hear his stupid lips
20:26smacking like they always do?
20:29So gross.
20:30How do you think
20:31they should begin that journey?
20:32What is step...
20:37Look at all that corn.
20:40You have corn all over your chin.
20:45You don't do it on Tuesday,
20:46and then Wednesday you're like,
20:47I'm going to write three on Wednesday.
20:47I'm going to really...
20:48Now, tell her to be quiet.
20:49Louis, tell her to be quiet.
20:50Oh!
20:57After you just ate
20:58a two-pound lobster
20:59and a cob of corn,
21:00you tell her to shut...
21:01That's the corn.
21:03There's an extra corn.
21:04This is an emotional night for me.
21:05Oh, he likes corn.
21:10This is the worst thing
21:11that has ever happened
21:12to this woman in her entire life.
21:15It's a piece of corn.
21:15I can't be so corn.
21:18Just, whoever it is,
21:19there's somewhere to sound.
21:20He's walking the room?
21:23You could ask the Almighty.
21:26This is...
21:26Oh, my God, dude.
21:28People are reassigning their own seats.
21:30She just needs to get some fresh air.
21:37You're like a raccoon
21:38rooting through my garbage at night.
21:40God.
21:41Here's another lobster.
21:49Look at the lobster on the chinos.
21:56Slowly turn the lobster
21:57to look at the lady in blue.
22:02This lady can't believe it.
22:03I don't think I've got to dig down.
22:07Merch, not that lobster tail.
22:09Try and figure out what...
22:10You know, I'd like to...
22:14Merch, you're just going to go,
22:15I found this bag.
22:18There are four lobsters in here.
22:19I found this bag.
22:23Another sniff or two, Brad.
22:29This is a question we got from...
22:31Don't give up.
22:35Everyone's getting hit with the juice.
22:37She's leaving.
22:41Sorry, kiddo.
22:43Sorry, kiddo.
22:46It has got to smell so...
22:49God-awful.
22:51Yeah.
22:53Another lobster?
23:03Just lean to the lady to your right and go,
23:05I'm definitely getting the seafood shits.
23:10You're definitely getting the seafood shits.
23:16Brad, notice some cracking.
23:18Can I hear something here?
23:20She wants to...
23:21Here we go!
23:22Is something going on back there?
23:25Is that crackling back there?
23:28Do I actually have any lobster there?
23:31What's that?
23:31Is it time to get rid of this guy?
23:33Yes?
23:34What are you talking about?
23:35We've dealt with you enough.
23:37Like, the chapter is done, baby.
23:38It's time to go.
23:39You know, skinny, drunk, and stupid
23:41is no way to go through life, son.
23:45Should we get him out of here now, everyone?
23:46Yeah.
23:50This is important,
23:51because I can't get rid of it.
23:52This guy's bouncing here.
23:54Sorry, please.
23:55Okay, okay.
23:58Yeah.
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