Surviving Forced Marriage

Unfiltered Stories

Welcome back to Unfiltered Stories! Rubie Marie, today's guest, will share her dreadful experience with an arranged marriage that ended happily. Marie got pregnant at age 15 and gave birth to a disabled kid while being raped during her whole marriage. Her story does not end here, so listen to find out how she survived this.   #TrueStory #Inspiring #Marriage   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00Hi my name is Ruby Marie and I am a survivor, forced marriage and honour-based abuse.

00:06I grew up in Wales. We kept ourselves to ourselves because there was so much racism going on

00:14in our neighbourhood and town. We wasn't allowed to talk to anybody who wasn't our own race.

00:21The reason for that was so we wouldn't get influenced by westerners. It's very odd because

00:27if you do something as a family it affects everybody else in your community especially with women.

00:34If a woman has done something and it could be the simple thing of just falling in love with somebody

00:41it's seen as you've penetrated the reputation of the whole community and that's where things can go

00:49wrong and lead up to a forced marriage. I've got an eldest sister who was close to 18 years old

00:57and I was around about, I was 15 and she had a secret boyfriend. So my sister was in love

01:06with somebody and she wanted to get married to him. He was the same race, same culture, same religion,

01:13everything and my father said no. The reason being that he said no is because he wanted his daughters to

01:22get married to outside of the community. He beat my sister up very very badly and my sister ran away

01:29from home two weeks after that. After my sister ran away from home they knew that all eyes would be

01:37turned on me. They all started to keep their children, my cousins, their children, my cousins away from me

01:44because they thought I was bad influence because I had a secret boyfriend and my sister ran away and she

01:49brought shame to the family. It was getting quite bad because even if we went to the the corner shop

01:55we would get spat at. My mum said oh you know everyone's thought it would be good for us as

02:04a family to go to

02:06Bangladesh. When the transport came in front of the house I remember a lot of people were shaking

02:12hands with my dad and I thought hang on this is a bit weird. We left in April and didn't

02:17come back in

02:18September and then he goes oh wouldn't it be great if we got Ruby married? I was like what? And

02:26then it

02:27all made sense. They were keeping me sweet to get married. 15 year old, still 15 at this time. I

02:33started

02:33kicking off. I was like no I'm not having this. Depression kicked in very quickly. I think I was already

02:40depressed at that time anyway. Being so isolated away from everyone from home. Best way I can describe

02:47the atmosphere where we lived in the mansion was like Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. I was a British

02:57Asian girl living in a third world country and I can't do nothing. The only person I got can talk

03:04to

03:04is this uncle of mine. So I went and started speaking to him and he said well if you keep

03:09saying no you will be locked up in the village in the middle of nowhere probably beaten and beaten

03:18and beaten until you can't talk anymore. You'll probably not get fed. You'll probably be tied up

03:26but I knew I had to say go with it. I knew that was my only path out of that

03:33country. I saw this person

03:35that I was going to get married to and he looked pretty young. Not to my knowledge he was 30

03:42years

03:42old. I was 15. Engagement date was set. You're tormented because you love your family. You absolutely

03:48love your family and then they are the ones that's putting you through this hell and you're like

03:54what have I done wrong? After that he raped me every single day. Every single day. They own you. If

04:02you're his wife now. You know that's what the world was you know saying to me. You're his wife now.

04:09Whatever he wants he gets. One thing that my uncle did before I got married. He secretly

04:17actually gave me the pill. Now the contraceptive pill and I really appreciated him for that.

04:24But then it came to a point where there was a lot of whispering going around. Chinese

04:28whispers of like oh you know oh it's so good if we hit we could hear a little pat-patter

04:34feet on the

04:35running around on the floors. And his sister comes and sits next to me and threw the pills at me

04:42first

04:42then sat next to me. And she goes this is why she's not getting pregnant. And I put my head

04:49down. I was

04:52doing that. A week after she took the pills away I actually bled for one day and I was like

04:59oh

05:00okay I'm on my period you know it's coming. And then it stopped. And then a week after that

05:09there was no there there was like still nothing. So I only bled for the one day and I thought

05:13oh my

05:14god what's going on. And then I said to I said to him I think I need to go to

05:17the doctors because

05:19I wanted to know what was happening with my body. I found out that I was pregnant. My father was

05:25very very happy. The so-called husband was extremely happy because now he's going to have a child

05:32who's going to be British. I started to vomit and vomit and vomit throughout the whole day. And this

05:40went on for two weeks and I lost two stones. I was got to the point where I was on

05:45my deathbed

05:47and I couldn't even lift my head up. I couldn't even open my eyes. They were like we don't we

05:51don't

05:51know what's wrong with that. Your best bet is taking her back to the UK. She's going to die here.

05:57When I got to the UK when you're home and in your own safe place you realize what's just happened

06:06to

06:06you for all that time. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. And I took an overdose and

06:15I wanted to kill

06:15myself because I thought I'm not carrying a raped child. Got to the hospital. They had to put me on

06:21the drip and then they kept me overnight. So when my family went there was one nurse that came to

06:30me

06:30and actually made me feel like I was a human being. She came to me and she goes you want

06:35an abortion

06:35don't you? And I said yeah. I went and had the um ultrasound at 8 20 in the morning and

06:44I saw my

06:44daughter's heart beating and I said no I can't do this. I'm not taking this life out of me. It

06:50was given

06:50to me no matter where and how it was given to me. This is a life that's inside me. I

06:57went back home

06:58to my mum's house but things I thought things would be different because I'm back in the UK and they

07:04weren't. They were worse. There was still that floating bubble of shame. This family still brought

07:12shame to the whole extended hierarchy of families, relatives. It really mind blew me because I'm like

07:20okay we've done everything that this that uncles and aunties and blah blah blah have told us to do

07:25and we're still being looked down on. So I put all my positivity what I had left into my baby

07:35into

07:35watching my stomach grow and I was getting quite concerned because whenever like there was loud

07:41shudders or the door was slammed or anything my baby wouldn't move. They said right okay we're gonna give

07:47you a set of date for a cesarean. She just looked like an ill baby, a very very ill baby

07:54and that's

07:55what she was. She was stuck in special care unit for three months and I couldn't bond with her. There

08:02was like 10 doctors that can run into my bed and they were saying things like do you remember anyone

08:07being sick around you at that time and I was like yeah the so-called husband was sick. And then

08:12in

08:12Bangladesh when I found out I was pregnant I told them I was violently sick and I was on my

08:18deathbed.

08:18They said oh um your husband passed on a virus to you at the time of conceiving the baby. They

08:26said

08:26your baby's handicapped that's the term that they used back then your baby's handicapped we don't know

08:33to what extent your child is going to be disabled. Yeah it was hard. I was 16 and it was

08:41hard it was so hard.

08:43I was disattaching myself from everybody. I was getting angry with everyone because I thought I

08:48blamed everybody and I was like you didn't just ruin my life you ruined my daughter's life. My younger

08:53brother got a part-time job in a restaurant and I sparked up a relationship with one of the workers

09:02because I thought oh he's got a different accent he's not from Wales he's from England. So I was

09:10like right here's my ticket out and I think in a way I used him as well to get out.

09:16Also going on at

09:17the same time was plans for the so-called husband to come over to this country and what I did

09:23then when

09:23my daughter came home to me I actually ran away from home. Little did I realize that I ran away

09:31with

09:31a perpetrator who ended up in domestic violence. For five years I had a son from him as well and

09:39it was

09:40so bad he because I came to England and I didn't know anybody. I was actually he was actually married

09:49I didn't know and I was beaten daily. He was a drug addict. My family were extremely angry at me

10:00because I was now a married woman running off with a married man. My family actually tracked me down

10:06brought me back to Wales and they said right if you want to if you want a quick divorce we'll

10:11take you

10:11back to Bangladesh and you can get a quick divorce and then you can marry this whoever person that you

10:18want to be and I was gonna hell no no I'm not doing that because I knew then if I

10:23go back that's it that's

10:24the end of my life they'll keep me there. I picked up my daughter with one bag of clothes and

10:30that's when

10:31I left to come to England without any money nothing. My family disowned me then

10:38for a good five years the time that I was with this perpetrator when I finally got the courage to

10:44leave him after five years he stalked me he threatened me he would bump into me in the middle

10:51of the road he'd call my house I told the court what he did like he would actually threaten my

10:58children

10:59saying that I'm going to kill the kids if you don't be quiet and I was very messed up very

11:04messed up

11:05but I can happily say I never turned to drugs never turned to alcohol I was a very I actually

11:11turned

11:11into a very religious person I then obviously got out of that relationship I started to

11:18get into more dysfunctional relationships in my 20s and I thought to myself why does a circle keep

11:24happening I need to break out of it you know I've got young two big kids now toddlers I remember

11:30on

11:30Facebook when I finally started connecting with my past with my friends and everything on Facebook

11:37there was a girl who actually committed suicide she and she had a forced marriage and her story

11:43was like a mirror to me and I was shocked and I was got you know what I want to

11:49do something now

11:50I want to start speaking out now and I actually went through the newspaper article found a charity that

11:58commented on it and I asked them if I can come along be a part of it and I was

12:02accepted and that's when

12:04I started to find my voice so I started traveling when I was 27 at that point I was I

12:09made up with my

12:10family with my mum and I put myself through education I wanted to be a counsellor and then I turned

12:16my

12:16direction to mentoring coaching and then becoming an ambassador and then coming in another ambassador for

12:23two charities here in the UK I had to wipe all that conditioning that I ever had endured all that

12:29pain all that trauma wipe it all off my body and my soul and go within and create the ruby

12:38that should

12:39have been from the age of eight and that's what I did my daughter's 23 you know she's she's profoundly

12:46deaf

12:46deaf she can't speak but she is like a rainbow she is so happy it's unbelievable so happy all the

12:58time

12:58she taught me what unconditional love is and patience and my son he was my rock throughout

13:05that domestic violence relationship he was my rock everyone's probably asking did he come over to this

13:11country he did he came over in 2015-16 with a work permit he actually had the audacity to ask

13:22my family

13:22for my hand in marriage again I said no he only saw his daughter once and I wasn't there and

13:30he didn't

13:31want to see her again because she's got special needs guarantee you there's a lot of people around the

13:37globe that have been in this situation or still are or going to be in that situation go and seek

13:45help

13:45seriously it could be just a little thought that goes across your head because you might might have

13:51been conditioned to know to think that it's okay my family are doing this for me like I did and

13:57I

13:57jumped on our plane but abuse is abuse at the end of the day if it's against your wealth don't

14:03do it

14:03I'm sure there's many um charities in America where you can reach out to or in the UK or in

14:11Asia quick

14:12google search and they will help you seriously it's your life at the end of the day love comes from

14:20within you are worthy you are beautiful you have the strength in you it's in your soul your soul is

14:28endless you know your soul is something that never ends just think how strong that is you know if you

14:38need to get support go and seek it out I never once thought that I would be living freely and

14:46happily

14:47and so content yes I have my bad days I'm always gonna have those days but it's learning to love

14:56those

14:56days as well because we are only human thank you all for listening to my story and you can reach

15:03out

15:03to me with the links below that will be added to this interview

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