Her Dark Past Affected Her Relationships With Men

Unfiltered Stories

In today's profound episode of Unfiltered Stories, we have the privilege of listening to Kristina Jones as she bravely shares her life journey with us. From a tender age, Kristina faced challenging circumstances that no one should ever have to endure. She encountered individuals, both within her family and strangers, who violated her personal boundaries and disregarded her fundamental right to consent.   Despite the immense adversities she has faced, Kristina's unwavering courage and determination have allowed her to reclaim her sense of agency and establish healthy boundaries in her life. Her story serves as a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the ability to heal and thrive in the face of trauma. Join us as we listen to Kristina's transformative journey and bear witness to the incredible strength that lies within each survivor.   #UnfilteredStories #survivorstories   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00Hi, my name is Christina, and I am a survivor of childhood and adult sexual abuse.

00:06And I was around three years old when I first reported to my mom that someone had touched me.

00:12I don't really remember exactly how I said it.

00:14I just remember letting my mom know that I was burning really, really bad in my private area.

00:19She took me to the doctor.

00:21The doctor did let my mom know that something did happen to me.

00:24Someone did touch me.

00:25I just don't know or remember who or how they did exactly what they did to me.

00:30So shortly after the doctor's visit, I remember going to, there was like a psychologist or psychiatrist, I believe.

00:36With this psychiatrist, they had me look at like shapes and sizes of different things to try to see if

00:42I understood exactly what had happened to me.

00:45My parents, they were actually very young when they had me.

00:47My mom was 17.

00:48My dad was 16.

00:49And my mother was a single mother.

00:51My dad struggled with at a very early age.

00:55My mom had me when she was 17, and then she had my sister when she was 19.

01:00My mother lived on her own.

01:01We had our own apartment.

01:02We lived in a project building down in St. Pete.

01:06The next incident where I was molested, it was my mom's friend.

01:10I remember one particular evening, I think it might have been around like Christmas time or so, because I had

01:15on this really long dress.

01:16And that particular night, when we got back home to our apartment, my mother's friend had stayed the night with

01:22us.

01:23And we all slept in one bed.

01:24And I remember waking up.

01:26This guy was between my legs.

01:28He was licking me and touching me.

01:29And I think right before he was about to insert himself inside of me, my mom woke up.

01:34She actually kept a machete under the bed.

01:37So what she did was she grabbed the machete when she seen what he was doing to me, and she

01:43went to, like, swing it.

01:45So he jumped up.

01:47Now, I do believe that my mom might have cut, like, maybe cut him or striked him, like, right above

01:52his eye.

01:52He jumped up.

01:53He got off the bed.

01:55He ran out of the bedroom.

01:57Then he ran out of the front door.

01:58At the time, back in the day, we didn't have cell phones.

02:00We didn't even have a house phone.

02:02So what my mom did was she grabbed my sister and I, we ran out the front door, got into

02:07her car, and we went to the nearest pay phone.

02:10And I believe she used the pay phone to either call one of my uncles or call 911.

02:14Then, fast forward to age five, we ended up moving into a home with some relatives.

02:21This particular relative had children who were older than my sister and I.

02:25My mother was going through a lot during that time.

02:27I want to say my grandmother had passed away.

02:29Around that time, one of my cousins, a female cousin, she began to sexually abuse me and molest me.

02:37It started off with us taking baths together.

02:39She was about 12 or 13, and I was five at the time.

02:43She would begin to touch my private areas while we were in the actual tub.

02:49And then, too, her parents had a huge porn collection.

02:53So I began to watch pornography at age five, and I would watch it with her and my other older

02:59cousins at the time that they were supposed to be actually babysitting me because my mom worked.

03:04And when their parents went home, that's when it would happen.

03:08So then it moved from the bathtub of my older cousin molesting me and touching me.

03:13It went from that to us watching pornography together alone, just her and I.

03:17And everything that she'd seen in the pornography videos, she would actually do it to me.

03:22And I would also be honest to say, you know, age five, I had developed an addiction to pornography.

03:28And the other thing that she would do, she would not only have me watch the pornographic material with her,

03:34she would also force herself on me.

03:37She would force me to perform oral sex on her.

03:39I remember one time we were at my great-grandmother's house, and I think she might have been, like, an

03:45indentured servant back in the day or something like that.

03:48The people that she worked for, the employer, I believe that they allowed her to keep that home.

03:52And it had, like, so many bedrooms, and I want to say it had maybe three or four floors.

03:56One of the things my cousin would do, she liked to do, like, exotic stuff.

04:00Like, she'll climb outside the window, and then, because there were, like, a ledge that we could actually step on

04:05and stuff like that, so she would do stuff like that.

04:07But this particular afternoon, I remember, once she came back in through the window, she had me lay down on

04:14the bed, and she got on top of me.

04:16She pinned me down with her legs.

04:18I remember her forcing me to have oral sex on her at that time.

04:21And this particular time, she urinated in my mouth.

04:25And I think that was probably, like, the most degrading thing.

04:28And I never said anything about it, even though I knew that what she was doing to me was wrong.

04:33I never thought to just tell my mom about it or anything like that.

04:37Because some of it, I enjoyed the feeling of it.

04:40That lasted for about two years.

04:42She would also tease and taunt me often about the fact that in certain areas of my body, I was

04:48producing.

04:49I think because of the hormone thing, and I have heard where, you know, your body can begin to produce

04:56certain things like hair in certain areas.

04:58And that's what I began to produce at age five.

05:01And I believe that was because of me starting with, you know, having been molested at a very early age.

05:08She would tell me things like, oh, you should cut the pubic hair and put it in your hair because

05:12you're so bald head.

05:14And, like, just teasing and taunt me about crazy stuff.

05:17However, if we fast forward, she has come to me.

05:20She came to me three times to ask me to forgive her.

05:23And I did.

05:23And I love my cousin.

05:25I forgive my cousin for what she did.

05:27Then, age seven, my mom had married my stepdad.

05:31And he had two cousins who would come and spend the night with us at our house.

05:35The oldest cousin, he was probably about 15 maybe, and he would bless me.

05:43It's like, it didn't matter where we were.

05:45It would be late at night if he'll see me or if I come in the living room and he's

05:48there, he'll ask me to come.

05:50And then he'll begin to fondle me and touch on me and things as such.

05:53And, again, I let it happen even though I knew that it was wrong.

05:56And I never said anything about it until, like, years later.

05:59I later realized that I believe that he was trying to groom me to be with him because that lasted

06:06until about age maybe 14.

06:09And at that time, he wanted to have an actual relationship with me.

06:13Also, we had a neighbor who invited myself and my sister to go to church with her one day.

06:18And I remember we were eager to go to the church and visit the church and fellowship with people and

06:23see them and all that.

06:25And I want to see how I was about 10 at this time.

06:27However, coming back, this particular time, there was an older boy and we were on the church bus headed back

06:35home.

06:36And what he started doing, like, he actually put his hand through the seat and he began to unbutton my

06:43dress so that he could slip his hand into my underwear.

06:46And he began to touch me like that.

06:48And I'm just sitting there like, okay.

06:50For me, I always felt like I was a target for it.

06:53Like, people just like, hey, let me do this.

06:55Let me touch you.

06:56Let me lick you.

06:57Let me, you know.

06:58And somehow, once he did that and he knew that he could actually put his hand through the seat and

07:04unbutton my dress and put his hand into my underwear.

07:07What he did was he got up and he actually sat in between my sister and I.

07:12So he ended up getting up and he sat in between us just so that he could touch me some

07:17more.

07:17And he molested me.

07:19I want to say probably, it seemed like forever.

07:22No one's seen him.

07:23I don't know if my sister's seen him.

07:25But all I felt like it was just he and I that was on the bus.

07:28Another incident.

07:29I had another cousin.

07:30My mom and my stepdad, they worked.

07:33So they had other relatives to actually watch us.

07:36And this particular relative, she had children.

07:38I think she had two boys, two girls.

07:40And one of the boys, every time I would go into the house to go use the bathroom, he would

07:45stand by the bathroom door and just wait for me.

07:48And this was also around the age of like maybe 10 or 11.

07:51And every time he'll see me, he'll wait until I come out of the bathroom and he'll ask me to

07:56show him my private area.

07:57And he'll touch my private area.

07:59And I'll be like, okay.

08:00And that lasted for a couple of years as well.

08:03And I never told anyone that until I actually wrote my book.

08:06And I put that in my book.

08:08If we fast forward to age 13, well, I have an aunt.

08:12And at the time, her and her family, they were stationed in Germany.

08:15My aunt and my cousin, they were actually visiting Florida for a couple of days.

08:21And she has some in-laws that actually came down from a different state to see them.

08:25So they all decided that, hey, we'll go to Busch Gardens.

08:28Busch Gardens is a theme park in Tampa, Florida.

08:31So we went there.

08:32And her brother-in-law, I think he was like 19 and I was 13 at the time.

08:37And what he started doing, I just see like, you know, maybe he, you know, he wanted me to get

08:42on the rides with him and things like that.

08:44And I'm like, okay, I'm having a good time.

08:46And at this time, at age 13, I think I was kind of struggling with my own sexual identity.

08:52So he wanted me to get on rides with him and stuff like that, which was cool.

08:56He asked me if it would be okay if I came back to the hotel with he and his mom.

09:01And he was like, hey, you know, you and your sister, y'all can get in the pool.

09:04I'm like, well, that's cool.

09:05Like, who don't like get in the pool, you know, especially in Florida.

09:07I went back with him.

09:09I sat directly behind his mom because his mother was driving.

09:13He was in the passenger seat and my sister sat next to me.

09:16And so I remember he kept looking back and he kept asking me, like, could I unbutton my shirt?

09:21And I was like, no.

09:22And he was like, can you just show me your breasts?

09:24And I was telling him no.

09:26But again, it just kind of went over my head.

09:28So we get to the hotel.

09:30Once we got changed out, he took my sister and I down to the pool.

09:34And once we got into the pool, he began to sing to me.

09:37He was just weird, like, just, like, singing.

09:40Then he began to fondle me.

09:42He began to touch me between my legs while we were in a pool together.

09:45And I'm like, okay, well, maybe he liked me a whole lot more.

09:49So then he asked me, could I come to a bathroom with him?

09:53And I was like, okay.

09:54So we went into the bathroom.

09:55He began to touch on me some more, touching me between my legs and my butt and all this stuff.

10:00And I enjoyed the attention.

10:02I enjoyed how it felt.

10:03Right before he was about to insert himself, someone began to knock on the door.

10:07And that's when he stopped.

10:08So nothing happened.

10:09Nothing went beyond him just touching me like there was no penetration.

10:13He did ask me, could I keep in touch with him?

10:16And I was like, yeah, I'll keep in touch.

10:18And at this time, I was thinking that, well, maybe we're now in a relationship.

10:21But mind you, again, I'm 13.

10:23Just got out of the eighth grade.

10:24And he was 19, I believe.

10:25He had just graduated high school.

10:27Not only graduated high school, but he had a job.

10:30He was working at the bank.

10:31So he asked me, could I call him at certain times?

10:35And I did.

10:36And I would sneak and call him.

10:38Because there ain't no way my mom and my dad, they wouldn't want me talking to a boy.

10:43I knew that that was wrong.

10:44And then not only a boy, but someone who's 19.

10:47So what I would do is I would call him late at night.

10:50And then I would try to hide the phone bills when the phone bills came in.

10:53Because I didn't want my parents to see that I was calling up to a different state.

10:57I also volunteered at a local hospital.

11:00And at this hospital, I had access to the mail room and, along with envelopes and stamps and stuff like

11:06that.

11:06So then he asked me, could I write him?

11:08I was like, yeah, that's cool.

11:10I began to write him letters and send him those letters.

11:13He never wrote me back.

11:15But now, as a grown woman, I see why.

11:17It was inappropriate.

11:18It was an inappropriate relationship.

11:20My parents, they had found a letter in my purse.

11:23And it was, you know, they'd seen that it was a letter addressed to him.

11:26And like, my mom, my mom was old school.

11:29So she's going to go through your stuff.

11:30And she went through my stuff.

11:31And that's what she found.

11:32And she thought it was odd.

11:33Like, why are you writing him?

11:35Why are you writing him this letter in the first place?

11:38So when she opened the letter, like I said, I had stole a condom from Walgreens.

11:42And I put it inside the letter because, like I said, our conversations would be very sexual.

11:47And he would tell me all these sexual things he wanted to do to me.

11:50The other thing he would do, he would have me, he'll ask me, can I urinate, like, while I'm on

11:54the phone with him?

11:55And I'm just like, okay, you know, this my boo, this my boyfriend, I'm going to do whatever he want

12:00me to do.

12:01When I wrote the letter, I just kind of put everything in here, a lot of things that we had

12:05discussed that was sexual in nature.

12:07And I did get disciplined.

12:09My mom even put me on birth control because it's like, you ain't going to have no baby up in

12:14here.

12:14Her and my dad, they called him.

12:16And they asked him, hey, did you have said to her?

12:19And he lied about it.

12:20He said that nothing ever happened between us.

12:23He said that I was calling him.

12:25Like, I live there, which, you know, he was in a different state.

12:28And I'm just like, no, he asked me.

12:31He asked me to call him.

12:32When he said that, it broke my heart.

12:34When he said that I was crazy, he didn't know why I was calling him and stuff like that, it

12:38really, really hurt.

12:39When I entered into the ninth grade, I had turned 14.

12:42I made it up in my mind.

12:43I said, you know what, I'm going to go find me a boyfriend.

12:46That was my plan.

12:48And I waited until my dad went to work because my dad worked at night.

12:51My mother, she actually went to bed early.

12:53And by this time, I, you know, had my actually two sisters now.

12:56So what I started doing was I snuck out the house.

12:59I remember walking the streets, and I was like, I'm going to find me a boyfriend because, again, I was

13:0313, and he was 19, and I thought that I was so in love.

13:07So that particular night, I walked around.

13:11We had lived near a park, and I remember just walking, walking.

13:16And I want to say it was probably about 11 o'clock at night, and I heard somebody say, come

13:21here, come here.

13:22So I walked towards the Spitzing Sound, and this guy began to ask me questions.

13:27He was like, so, like, what's your name?

13:30How old are you?

13:31I told him my name.

13:32I told him that I was 14.

13:34He was like, you're not 14.

13:35I said, I am 14.

13:36And then he asked me if I was a twerker.

13:38And at the time, I thought a twerker was a prostitute.

13:41So I'm like, I'm not a twerker.

13:44He was like, yes, you are.

13:46I said, no, I'm not.

13:46So then he came up.

13:48He began to walk closer to me, and then he put his hand in between my legs.

13:51And because I was used to that.

13:53I was used to female cousins doing that.

13:55I was used to male cousins doing that and strangers doing that.

13:59So I'm just like, okay.

14:00So when he did that, he was like, oh, yeah, you're a twerker.

14:03So get in the car and holler at my homeboy.

14:05So I'm like, okay.

14:07And age 14, I had never been penetrated.

14:10So when I got into the car with his homeboy, with his friend, I remember I opened the passenger door.

14:16So I got into the car.

14:17Where the car was parked at was actually parked in front of one of the, well, the homeboy's house.

14:23So I got in the car, and I wasn't even nervous.

14:26I just was like answering all this person's questions because he asked me the same question.

14:30I told him my name.

14:30I said, I'm Christina.

14:32I'm 14.

14:33He was like, you're not 14.

14:34I said, I am 14.

14:35Like every guy that I had an interaction with, I told him my actual age.

14:39What he did was he began to touch me and caress like my breast and things like that.

14:44So I took my underwear off, and I stuffed them under the seat.

14:47And I think the reason why I did that because they were like, people said like granny panties or granny

14:51underwear.

14:52And I'm like, I'm going to take these off and put them under the seat.

14:55So then we had sex.

14:57So essentially that was actually my very first time having sex with a man and being penetrated.

15:02Also at age five, five I had developed an addiction, not only to the pornography, but also I began to

15:09use something called air freshener.

15:11The aerosol air spray that you keep in the bathroom.

15:15I remember being at my relative's house, and I was sitting in the restroom, and I began to spray that

15:21into my mouth, like inhaling the fumes and just spraying it and experiencing like this euphoric feeling.

15:27So that actually lasted from age five to age 11.

15:30Just like nobody knew.

15:32Nobody knew until I was age 11, and my mom actually caught me, and I was foaming out of the

15:36mouth.

15:37So it's like I could have died at that point.

15:39So in the car with this man, I want to say he probably was like maybe 18 or 19.

15:45After I had sex with him, then the guy who first asked me to get into the car to talk

15:51to him, he got into the car.

15:53And he was like, hey, let's get in the back seat and then end up having sex with him.

15:57So then when I felt that I was done, I began to like put my clothes back on and proceed

16:02to get out of the back seat of the car.

16:04There was another guy that came, and he began to push me back into the car.

16:09And he said, oh, it's my turn.

16:11I'm like, okay.

16:12So I had sex with him.

16:14And then once he was done, he got out the car.

16:17Then another guy got in.

16:18So again, to remind you, age 14, never, ever had sex before, and this was my first experience.

16:24And then once the fourth guy was done, then I got out of the car.

16:28The last two men that I had sex with, they asked me could I come back with them back to

16:32one of their homes or their houses.

16:34And I did that, had sex with them in some backyard.

16:37And I believe at that time I had developed an addiction to that, an addiction to sex at that time

16:43because it was like an adrenaline rush.

16:45I didn't have a cell phone.

16:46I didn't have any of that.

16:47I was just out just being silly, making poor choices at that time.

16:52But I feel like with everything, with the molestation to getting so young, I felt like that was just something

16:58that my body became accustomed to.

17:00And I began to allow my body to be used in that way.

17:03While I was walking home, there was another guy.

17:05He came, he was riding on a bicycle, and all these were grown men.

17:09And all of them, again, asked him the same question.

17:11What's your name?

17:11Where are you from?

17:12How old are you?

17:13And I'm like, I'm 14.

17:14And then they all say, no, you're not.

17:15No, you're not.

17:15I'm like, yeah, I'm 14.

17:16So the grown man on the bicycle, when he's seeing me walking home, he told me, he was like, you

17:22know, you shouldn't be out this time of night.

17:24I'm like, okay.

17:25So he said, I'm going to walk you home.

17:27I said, okay, cool.

17:28He said, yeah, I just want to make sure you get home safe.

17:30So as we were walking, I had him and I turned down the alley because, like, in my mind, I'm

17:36thinking, well, I'm not going to let him know exactly where I stay, but it's late.

17:40So as we began to walk down the alley, he got off his bicycle and then he grabbed my hand

17:46and then he lowered me to someone else's backyard and then had me get in a certain position and then

17:51had sex with me.

17:52So that was the fifth guy, that first time for me having sex.

17:56And that was at night outside.

17:58Once I made it back inside the house, I snuck back in.

18:01I snuck back in through the back door and then got me a shower.

18:05It was probably about 5 o'clock in the morning, 5, 5.30.

18:09So I was out from 11 p.m. until about 5, 5 or 5.30 in the morning.

18:13School at that time, I think they passed a law for school to start later for high schoolers.

18:17But at that time, school for me started, you had to be at school by like 6.50 or so.

18:21So I just automatically jumped into the shower, washed up.

18:25I remember that first night, like, just washing up and seeing a lot of blood on my washcloth and not

18:31really understanding it.

18:32But I said, you know, hey, if this is what it takes for me to have a boyfriend, I'm all

18:36for it.

18:36And again, it was me trying to find what I thought I had in that 19-year-old.

18:40And when I did that, I would go to the same area.

18:43And each night, the crowd became larger.

18:46So they would have me get into the car, into the cut with Supreme, and then into the back seat.

18:51And then guys would take their turns.

18:53So some nights, it would be two guys, and then some nights, it would be 20.

18:57And while I would be in the back seat with one of the guys, there would be other men just

19:00banging on the window,

19:01banging on the window saying, hey, hey, hey, it's my turn, it's my turn.

19:04This one particular night, I remember getting with these guys.

19:08They live kind of far from where we lived at the time, but it was the adventure.

19:13Pick me up, go off with them.

19:16These were big time.

19:18I remember getting into the back seat, and there was another girl who was in the back seat.

19:22But these were different guys who lived further away from the other guys that I was involved with.

19:26She looked like she was at least about my age, maybe 14 or so.

19:31But, you know, I progressed.

19:32There was two men already in the car.

19:35One of the guys, he was already sitting.

19:37He ended up sitting in the back seat because they were actually on their way to pick up someone else.

19:41So it was the girl.

19:42She was sitting behind the driver.

19:43And then one of the homeboys, he was sitting in the middle.

19:46And then I sat behind the actual passenger seat.

19:50And this particular night, we got into a high-speed police chase.

19:52And as we were reaching, trying to reach our destination, that's when the police had gotten behind us.

19:58And I'm seeing the police lights just, like, flashing like crazy.

20:01And I remember the driver, he turned around.

20:05I'll say their nicknames because people don't know.

20:07So nickname Popcorn, right?

20:09So say Popcorn.

20:10He looked out the back window.

20:11He was the one driving.

20:12And it's like he did like this.

20:14Like, he spit.

20:15I don't know.

20:15It was weird.

20:16But once he realized that the police was actually behind us,

20:19and the police was actually telling us that we need to get out of the car,

20:22but he decided that he wanted to push his, you know, put his foot on the gas and go, like,

20:27really fast.

20:27So here it is, 2 o'clock in the morning.

20:29We're, like, weaving through the little traffic there is,

20:32going down alleys and back roads and other streets and stuff like that to try to shake the police,

20:37which we eventually, we did.

20:39And I didn't even think about, I didn't think about dying.

20:42I didn't, I didn't think about any of that.

20:43I remember us driving past a church that I used to attend as a child,

20:48and not even thinking, no, no conviction, no nothing about God.

20:51It was the adrenaline rush, you know?

20:53So once they shook the, well, we shook the police,

20:57we were able to go pick up this homeboy, another homeboy.

21:00He got in the car, and these were all grown men, right?

21:02And we end up arriving to this place that looked like,

21:05and it's like an old hotel or something like that, like an efficiency apartment.

21:09And I remember getting out, but as I was getting out, the young girl who was also in the backseat

21:16with me,

21:16like, our eyes just, our eyes met.

21:18And it was almost as if, like, I knew that the driver was going to take her somewhere

21:24to do to her what they were getting ready to do with me.

21:27Because I had already had sex with these guys before, but this particular night was very different.

21:31So the driver told the homeboy, I'm going to go drop her off of Hermia, whatever.

21:37But our eyes met.

21:38I actually wrote a letter to her.

21:40I don't know, you know, maybe she might see this video,

21:42because, you know, you guys have the most amazing stories.

21:46But what I want to tell her is that, you know, that I love you, that God loves you.

21:51If I could have grabbed your hand and ran away with you that night, I would have.

21:56But I apologize.

21:58Once Popcorn pulled off with the girl in the car, the two guys got out.

22:02And I got out with them, went inside the little efficiency hotel.

22:07And I remember going into this room.

22:08It was dark.

22:09They kept the lights out.

22:10But you could see the streetlight that was piercing through the actual blinds.

22:14And what I did notice, just one bed, and there was a hot plate on the actual dresser.

22:19So there was probably about nine guys in the room.

22:22And I had sex with all nine of them.

22:24And I remember they were recording.

22:26So they had a video just recording all the sex acts and different things as such.

22:31In the midst of this, while I'm out there, wilding out, doing some crazy things,

22:35having sex with all these random men, I was in an abstinence program.

22:39My mother had us join the church when I think I was like eight.

22:43And I was very active.

22:44I was active in youth group and ushering.

22:47It was like I was literally living a double life.

22:50You know, sometimes even after class, you know, some of the guys might be waiting for me.

22:54Whether at the other house or in a car or they'll be waiting for me in a bathroom.

22:58And then I would have sex with them in those random locations.

23:01And my parents, the whole time, they're thinking, I'm going to the abstinence program.

23:05And I was so well at what I did.

23:06I excelled even in the abstinence program that they had me become to speak at one of the, like, main

23:13events.

23:13Because they really admired just who I was.

23:17But not knowing again that I'm just, I'm getting buck wild.

23:20Eventually with all of that, walking out, doing all that stuff.

23:24It was one day I just decided I didn't want to do it anymore.

23:27I really tried.

23:28And when that happened, I remember some, I want to say like two weeks later.

23:33Some guys, for some reason, I don't know how they figured out where I live.

23:37They began to knock on the window and then it began again.

23:40The cycle began again.

23:41Parents found out about it from a relative who eventually had asked me to have sex with him.

23:49To fast forward my life, age 15 is when I surrendered my life to the Lord.

23:53It's like my life changed drastically.

23:56And the things that I was doing, I realized that I wasn't just hurting myself.

24:00But I was breaking God's heart and I didn't want to do that.

24:03Years later, I rededicated, like, my sexual purity to God.

24:08And when I did that, I was like, no, I'm not having sex.

24:12I'm not.

24:12I'm serious about this thing, man.

24:14But I ended up running into a high school friend at college.

24:18And we kicked it off.

24:20Everything was well.

24:21I ended up going to his apartment one day.

24:23And that's when he actually, he raped me that particular day.

24:27He kept apologizing for what he did.

24:29He asked me, can he redo what he did to try to make up for what he had done to

24:33me?

24:33Then there was another incident.

24:35I got into a relationship with another guy.

24:37This particular person, I told him, because at this time I had abstained from sex for four years.

24:41And I told him I wasn't going to have sex all because of my love for the Lord and me

24:46being in ministry and wanting to, like, be an example.

24:49He began to tell me things like, oh, well, you probably got AIDS.

24:53That's why you don't want to have sex with me.

24:54And I was like, that's not true.

24:55Then he told me that he felt like God told him that I was his wife.

25:00And I said, well, you know, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the

25:04Lord.

25:05So I'm like, well, God didn't tell me that you were my husband, but maybe this is what we're supposed

25:09to do.

25:10So what happened with him was, you know, I kept telling them, like, listen, we're not going to have sex.

25:14One particular day, I ended up going to his apartment.

25:17At this time, I found out that he was struggling really bad with, uh, with.

25:22And because my dad had struggled with that and he overcame that, I felt like, well, hey, if my dad

25:27could do it, you could do it.

25:29And I just wanted to, like, be there to help him.

25:31So this particular night, I was at his place and we were talking and I already knew in my mind

25:37that I wasn't going to have sex with him because, like, my period was on.

25:41So, like, I don't know, there's just some way, like, are we not having sex?

25:44No, we're not going to do it.

25:45However, I remember laying across the bed with him and he was like, you know, I want you to stay,

25:52you know, stay with me a little bit longer.

25:53I said, no, I got to go.

25:54And then that's when he proceeded to just grab on me and pull on me and pull on me.

25:58And I'm like, dude, like, what the heck are you doing?

26:00And, like, I told you no and I already told you, like, if you think that I'm supposed to be

26:05your wife, I want to wait until we get married.

26:06So I remember him getting on top of me, just holding me down and violating me sexually.

26:12And I remember after he was done, there was, like, blood all over the bed.

26:17There was blood all over his T-shirt and his shorts.

26:19Once he came and completed what he wanted to complete, he jumped up.

26:23He ran into the bathroom to go clean himself up.

26:26I remember actually getting up, trying to fix my clothes and get myself together.

26:30And I walked to the door, and I remember trying to open it.

26:33He ran.

26:34He ran out of the bathroom.

26:35He stood in front of the door, tried to block me from getting out.

26:38Eventually, I was able to get out, and I tried to run to my car.

26:42He chased me to the car.

26:43He kept apologizing for what he did.

26:46I blocked his number for a little while, but then I started feeling bad about it.

26:51And it's like that guilt.

26:52I got back into the situationship with him because I thought that maybe I'm supposed to be his wife.

26:58You know, this is, you know, he messed up.

27:00He made a mistake.

27:01But also, having that sexual act done to me and had not had been having sex for over four years

27:09and abstaining,

27:09it just kind of brought back that taste.

27:11So, we began to just have sex.

27:15But the relationship, it was emotionally draining.

27:19He was emotionally abusive.

27:20He always would bring my past up.

27:22It was just convicting, and it made me feel shamed and disgusted.

27:27And it took a long time for me to actually break off the relationship with him.

27:31Fast forward to current situation.

27:34My husband and I, we met via Facebook.

27:37We were Facebook friends for probably, like, a good eight years, and he would post all these inspirational posts and

27:42things like that.

27:43And I knew that he was a believer.

27:45And in my heart, I'm like, you know, that's somebody that, not him in particular, but someone like him that

27:51I could actually see myself with, like, someday.

27:53And one day, because I loved encouraging senior women while me being a senior woman at the time,

27:59and he'd seen one of my posts, and he, like, started messaging me and telling me how he wanted to

28:04be my knight in shining armor.

28:05And I'm like, what?

28:07Okay.

28:08And I think I let a lot of insecurities, like, push him away and push him away, but he kept

28:13pursuing me.

28:14And when we eventually started talking, November 2016 is when, like, he started putting all this stuff in my inbox.

28:21And he does poetry.

28:23He writes poetry like I do.

28:24So he'll put, like, all this poetry stuff in my inbox.

28:27And I ignored him, or I tried to run away and run, and I think because I was still holding

28:34on to the things that I did as a youth and not making so great of choices

28:38and being in an emotionally abusive relationship and a sexually abusive relationship and not really understanding my true worth.

28:46But when we began to talk, we talked from the phone for the very first time in December of 2016.

28:51And it almost felt like God was telling him my secrets because it's things that I would pray about and

28:57my husband would actually, like, talk about.

28:59And I'm just like, well, it just was crazy.

29:01He pursued me.

29:02And in January of 2018, we got married, and we've been married ever since.

29:08It's been a very beautiful experience.

29:10And one of the things I'd like to share about this story is that even though I had sex with

29:15all these different people in my past,

29:17my husband is the first man that I actually gave myself to.

29:20I feel completely free.

29:22I feel like myself.

29:24I feel like God chose him just for me.

29:27And my husband, he did have a son prior to us being married.

29:30We have a beautiful son.

29:31I'm a bonus mom to him.

29:33He's 17.

29:34He'll be 18 soon.

29:36So that's my story.

29:37And I did release a book.

29:40It's titled Suppressed Ruins, Redemption, and Recovery.

29:42And it just kind of goes over everything about my life and where I'm at now.

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