In today's episode, Christina Johnson bravely shares her story with us. From the age of 7 to 21, she endured unimaginable trauma and abuse at the hands of her own father. Christina's father exploited her trust and subjected her to years of inappropriate behavior, robbing her of a happy childhood.
#CSA #survivorstories #survivalstory #mentalhealth
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅
Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB
TikTok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT
Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN
#CSA #survivorstories #survivalstory #mentalhealth
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅
Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB
TikTok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT
Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN
Category
🗞
NewsTranscript
00:00My whole childhood was taken away. If I knew that sending a text message that just says,
00:07I love you too, dad, would have ruined my whole night, I would have took the time to respond.
00:13He had me do unimaginable things. Hi, my name is Christina. Today I'm going to be talking about
00:20incest and being molested and raped, unfortunately, for my father from the age of 7 to 21.
00:28Just like every other child, we had a normal family. I had unfortunately been taken away from
00:35my biological mother at the age of 3. My father had full custody of me. I had a stepmother who
00:41wasn't too fond of me. I was really jealous because my dad would pay a lot of attention to me,
00:47which is mainly what we're talking about today. There was nothing really happening until he knew
00:53I was able to keep a secret. And when he finally started acting on his fantasies, I was seven years
01:03old. He didn't just straightforward, go right in and start penetrating me. It would start with,
01:10hey, come lay down. You know, come lay on my chest, take a nap with me. He would rub me
01:16down there.
01:17And your body has natural reactions. So even if I didn't want this and didn't like it,
01:28my body still reacts to it. Everybody's going to react to it. And after the laying down on the chest,
01:36that would progressively, you know, turn into taking each other's clothes off, laying down with each
01:43other naked and touching him. And that stayed like that for a little bit until, you know, growing up,
01:53he would always tell me, you know, you can't tell anybody or I'm going to go to jail. And unfortunately,
01:58it's the first memory I have growing up as a child. All I know is the first memory I have
02:03is when I was
02:04seven years old and it was the first time my father ever penetrated me. Normal families would go,
02:10your child would come up to you and be like, mom, dad, I really want this. Can I have this?
02:15You know,
02:16and they'll be like, maybe for Christmas or maybe for your birthday. Not, no, not my dad. I don't know
02:23if y'all remember those electric scooters when they first came out. I really, really wanted one. And I
02:28told my dad that I really wanted one. This is when it started becoming a tit for tat. You want
02:33something,
02:34you need to do something. I had his attention that I wanted one and I had to do anal for
02:41it. As a
02:42seven year old child, I was anally penetrated by my father for an electric scooter that cost $50.
02:48I couldn't tell you now as an adult, how many times I have night terrors about that, where I can
02:55smell
02:56the room. And in my dream, I'm watching the whole thing over and over again. When it occurred,
03:03he had given me a pillow and I screamed bloody murder in that pillow. I believe I couldn't talk
03:09for a couple of days. I was screaming so hard, wanting him to stop. It finally was over. I did.
03:16And that's when he turns into dad mode. And this is where it's confusing is because you've got him
03:22doing this kind of stuff to you, but then trying to be authoritative as a father and punish you and
03:31do all this. And you're confused. Like, why are you punishing me when you're touching me? You know?
03:38So I did end up getting the scooter and that's where it started. That's the beginning of this huge
03:46nightmare that I have. Scared. I was terrified and I was very confused because he was married.
03:52He had a wife. We lived with her. We lived with her and her son. It was my stepmother.
03:57He would put it in my head that dads and daughters do this. Some dads and daughters do this. When
04:03he
04:03first started doing it, he told me if I told anybody that he would go to jail, but then he
04:09said he would kill himself before he went to jail because he would never let that happen. Even as a
04:13seven-year-old child, that still, that was my biggest fear was him going to jail and losing him
04:19because he was all I had. I didn't want that to be my fault. If you look at it from
04:23my perspective,
04:23I don't know how anybody else will look at it. If you look at a seven-year-old child and
04:28she is
04:28putting a grown man before her mental health, her safety, her innocence, that is a strong child.
04:35There was years. This was not just an every other month occurrence. This was an every other day
04:44occurrence and I would not always get something out of it. It was very confusing because as a child
04:51and he was doing this kind of stuff to me, and this is the age where you're kind of like
04:55having
04:55boy crushes, right? You're kind of like, oh, you know, oh, you know. I would get jealous when he
05:03would do stuff with his wives because in my head as a child, I thought that was our thing. You
05:10know,
05:11it was, you know, he had brainwashed me so, so bad that it was, I do this because I love
05:17you. It's
05:18just me and you. I'm just so attractive. You, first of all, that's disgusting. And I have two little
05:23girls myself and one of them is the same age that I was when this started. I was doing throughout
05:29the
05:30years because as you know, as a seven-year-old, you get penetrated vaginally. Someone's going to find
05:36out. There's no hiding that. So he made sure he covered his steps, okay? He had me do unimaginable
05:44things. From seven to 14, it was oral sex and, uh, majority anal for seven years. It was either
05:54the, I love you. I do this because I love you and you're so attractive or I'm your father. You
06:01listened to me. I raised you better than this. That's confusing because he would say that I knew
06:09how to seduce him and I knew how to use it as a weapon, but he groomed me and he
06:16trained me to do
06:17that. And if you tell that child, every time you clean that room, I will give you a piece of
06:22candy.
06:22They're going to clean that room without you even asking because they want that candy.
06:26That's exactly how it was. You know, I wanted to go do something. I knew what I had to do.
06:31I wasn't, there was no getting out of it. Like if you, like when you're a kid and you know,
06:35you're supposed to be at home, those light streets are on and you're like, man, I'm already out.
06:40I might as well make the best of it because I know when I get home, I'm going to get
06:44into trouble.
06:45So that's basically how it was. Anything that I wanted to do, I had to do. There was a point
06:50in time
06:50where one of my stepmothers, she thought he was cheating. So she started recording phone calls
06:56and on one of those phone calls, she recorded my father telling me, I'm on my way home, get in
07:02the
07:02shower right now. I will be there. As I confronted her as an adult about that, she claims she thought
07:08he was spanking me. How in your right mind would you assume a child is being spanked when this person
07:15says, go get in the shower and wait for me. As I get older, he starts getting more vaginally.
07:23He starts playing more couple of fingers, starts with one finger. That fits. We'll go with two.
07:29That fits. So the age of 14, when he saw that I started my period, he took advantage of that.
07:35He saw his opportunity and he met with it. And that was the day that I lost my virginity to
07:39my father.
07:40In high school, or not in high school, when I was, once he started penetrating me vaginally,
07:48he got a vasectomy just so he couldn't get me pregnant. I didn't think of it that way when it
07:55was happening. But looking back on it now, I know why he got it. And once he started penetrating me
08:02vaginally, it was 10 times worse than anal. I would wake up in the middle of the night and he
08:08would be
08:09naked beside me, touching me, wanting to have sex with me. That's a, I was 14 years old, laying in
08:17bed. And I looked at him and I told him, no, I don't, I don't want to do this. You
08:22know, not tonight,
08:23please. And he never listens. And he rapes me and I'm crying and I'm crying as he's raping me because
08:29I'm so fed up with it at this point that I stopped fighting. I stopped fighting it. I couldn't, I
08:35couldn't
08:35fight it anymore. I had nothing looked at me. And he looked at me as I was crying. And he
08:39says,
08:39can you please stop crying so I can enjoy myself for five minutes? I was supposed to lose my
08:45virginity to somebody that I loved. It was supposed to be a natural occurrence for me. And it got taken
08:51away. My whole childhood was taken away. I had a stepmother that blackmailed me that would tell me,
08:59oh, you know, I would get in trouble. And she would say, if you clean the whole house, you know,
09:04I won't tell your dad. I'm like, yeah, you know, heck yeah, I'll clean the house so I don't get
09:08in
09:08trouble. This is an ongoing thing. He was molested as a child. That is not an excuse to do it
09:15to your
09:15old child. After he broke up with my stepmother, we ended up moving to Alabama and moved in with my
09:23aunt. And when we moved in with my aunt, we lived in a shed outdoors. There was no AC, there
09:31was no heat,
09:31you know, it was cold and summers. It was hot. He ended up getting confronted by my aunt about
09:40raping me. Once he felt like she was on him. We moved, get your stuff. We're leaving. And when
09:50she confronted him, he put this big, I mean, tears, letters. How could you accuse me of doing this to
09:58my daughter? Now she's asking me, daddy, would you ever touch me? I mean, he is, he is playing it
10:04very
10:05well at this point. And we ended up moving. And that's when we moved into a cottage down, it was
10:13probably a couple of roads down from my aunt, actually. I guess my aunt kind of just let it go.
10:19We moved into the cottage. And this is where I start reaching the age where I'm finding boys my age
10:27attractive. When we moved into the cottage, that's when it started to escalate from a casual sexual
10:36relationship to where it was a sexual molestation. You know, I get what I want when I want to. You're
10:42my wife. It's just me and you. I don't want you to see nobody else. That's when we moved into
10:47the
10:47cottage at about 16. That's when it really got serious. That's when I was made to be a wife. I
10:54cooked. I cleaned. I worked. I paid bills. He was, he would cover his tracks in the cottage at about
11:0116
11:02or 17 in high school. That's when I met the love of my life, who is now my husband. He
11:10doesn't know
11:12how much he saved me. He has no idea what I'm dealing with at home. But he's loving me unconditionally
11:21and showing me the right way to be loved. And that's what kept me going. He was my best friend
11:28when I needed a best friend. Because I didn't have anybody. I didn't have family. I didn't have
11:35nobody. I was sexually attractive to him. And of course, you know, we have intercourse. He took me
11:44to prom. And the prom night, it was amazing. I had this beautiful purple dress, my favorite color.
11:51I get this text message that's pages long from my father. It was basically just saying how proud he
11:57is of the woman I could come. And I texted back, you know, I love you too, dad. That's all
12:02I said
12:02was, I love you too, dad. If I knew that sending a text message that just says, I love you
12:08too, dad,
12:09would have ruined my whole night. I would have took the time to respond. So I get home and he
12:17has
12:17tried to commit suicide for the first time. He had my picture on the toilet and the bathtub was filled
12:23with bloody water. He had sliced his forearm about this much. And it is mind blowing the distance this
12:32man will go to get what he wants. The manipulation is uncanny when it comes to this man. And I'm
12:43over
12:43here picking up bloody clothes and bloody rags and nobody should have, let alone a teenager, have to pick
12:52up your parents' bloody clothes from a suicide attempt of jealousy. He was jealous that I was out with a
13:01person that I actually loved. He was jealous that I naturally cared and loved for my husband or my
13:09boyfriend at the time. The guilt that I felt because I had to please my father sexually in order to
13:18go see
13:19the guy that I was falling in love with and try to have a natural physical sexual relation with the
13:28guy
13:28that I loved. The guilt that I felt as a teenager should have never been put on me. One day
13:36his mom
13:37called the guy that I, you know, my current husband, his mom called my father and he was like, and
13:44she
13:44didn't know the situation. She was not trying to get me in trouble whatsoever. And she was saying,
13:50hey, you know, our kids are having, you know, sex and I feel like you need to put her on
13:56a form of
13:56birth control. And so that's all it took. That was all it took was her calling and saying that I
14:05was
14:05being physical with another person. And all hell broke loose. It was him or me. So at the age of
14:1417,
14:14I chose to leave Sam, my husband. And that was the biggest regret of my life. I should have told
14:24him
14:24what was happening. And I didn't. So once I ended up having to leave my current husband,
14:32it was like twilight. I didn't get out of bed for months. I ate so bad. My body ached from
14:39depression.
14:40He would rape me. And as I'm crying, he would just look at me and beg me to just stop
14:47crying
14:47because it wasn't attractive. I was hurting mentally, physically and emotionally. When we
14:54lived in the camper, I had a friend and it was a female. I don't think I was a lesbian.
15:02I think I
15:04was just drawn to any kind of attention that wasn't from him. I was drawn to the care that wasn't
15:12him.
15:12So I was with a female and I had gotten arrested a couple of times because of my dad. He
15:20would tell
15:20me he was hurting. Go get me pills. Just trying to feed myself and feed him. And once he found
15:30out
15:30that I was with this female, she would stay over a couple of times. I would beg her to stay
15:36because
15:37I wouldn't get touched. So he had lubrications and the KY. And there was one day I had came back
15:46from hanging out with her and he was crying, wondering where the KY jelly was and if it's in
15:52the exact same place he put it and accused me being sexual with this female. I told him, yes,
16:00I was. And he ended up kicking me out that day. I took a full advantage of that, of being
16:05kicked out.
16:06That was my way out. That was my golden ticket. And I took it. This was the second suicide attempt.
16:13He tried to do it the day that he kicked me out because he thought I was coming back.
16:18And he sliced his wrist right here. There was an actual chance that he was not going to recover
16:23from it. But he did. And I took him to a psych ward after he got out of the hospital.
16:30And I was there
16:31for him. Still, still there for him, but not looking back, not giving him a chance to creep his way
16:38back
16:38in. You know what I mean? The years pass and I'm living by myself or in my life. And about
16:48two years
16:49pass. My current husband, he messaged me on Facebook and we got back together. He moved in that weekend.
16:56That was in 2014. And we've been together ever since. I did not tell Sam, my husband,
17:05what happened to me until I was eight months pregnant with my oldest. He took it pretty hard.
17:12Another regret of mine was making him keep quiet for eight years and not saying anything to anybody
17:19or confronting, you know, my father who was actually still in my life. I have CPTSD. I have
17:27terrible anxiety. I had night terrors so bad. I've urinated on myself from them. I have horrible
17:34flashbacks. I'm very triggered very, very, very easily. The trauma is unbearable sometimes.
17:43And it was getting unbearable. So I confronted my dad and he looked at me and said, you have to
17:50look
17:50at it as it was just sex. And that broke me. After that, I finally told a family member that
17:58he raped
17:58me for 14 years. The sad part is, is every one of the females said that they knew, that they
18:06knew it
18:06was happening to me, but they couldn't prove it. Once I told that family member, it starts going down
18:13the line to each person. One of my family members ended up FaceTiming my father saying, we know what
18:20you did to Christina. Said you're a sick son of a, and told him he was going to prison. He
18:27still didn't
18:27admit to it. He said, I don't know what you're talking about. And he hung up. And then four days
18:32later,
18:33he shot himself at the right temple low and was pronounced dead June 29th. It's been four months
18:41since he's passed. I grieve. I still grieve, but mainly I grieve the father that I never had.
18:49I grieve the dad that I deserved. I want to help men, women, teenagers to know that silence is not
18:58the
18:58answer. If there's anything that I could tell anybody that is going through any kind of molesting
19:05or rape or inappropriate touching, anything that you do not consent to, to please speak up.
19:12They're not gonna, they're not gonna hate you. They're not gonna blame you. Just speak up to anyone
19:19that thinks it's not possible to grow up and have your own family. It is because I'm about to be
19:3032.
19:30I have two beautiful little girls and a wonderful marriage, a husband that loves me unconditionally.
19:39And telling someone, whether it's a friend, a cousin, your partner, anyone, it helps. And I will be your
19:48support because there is nothing more important than someone who's got your back and I will be her.