My True Story About Toxic Relationships

Unfiltered Stories

On today's episode of Unfiltered stories, our guest Ashley Guzman shares her story with us. From her teenage years boyfriends she trusted betrayed her and she found herself in toxic relationships. Men who were her partners at the time treated her in the worst possible way. Ashley's story shows us the importance of consent for every relationship and how it provides a sense of safety.   #TrueStory #Relationships #Inspiring   You can find Ashley here:  IG: https://www.instagram.com/ashleynicole._23/  TT: https://www.tiktok.com/@therealaptv   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.  Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.    🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00this all starts actually when i was 14 years old freshman high school i started out in boone high

00:07school and i was a new girl so every guy wanted you know the new girl the new fresh me

00:12i stumbled

00:13upon this guy who i thought was my friend at the time a free guy in a sense where i

00:20was like i was

00:21i was so attracted to that he's the bad boy i want a piece of that he had a girlfriend

00:26at the time

00:27and i had a boyfriend but as time went on he and i just we like each other a little

00:32too much to just

00:34be friends he actually broke up with his girlfriend and we started our relationship it was like a

00:40fairytale at first he would call me all the time tell me i'm beautiful all the time like i look

00:46back

00:46and i'm like wow like i was kind of obsessed with him in a way uh his two best friends

00:51at the time

00:52would tell me like oh he was never like this with any other girl that's amazing like who wouldn't

00:56want to hear that a couple months go by he was kind of becoming distant and i didn't understand

01:03why and then all of a sudden i didn't hear from him for eight months comes to find out he

01:08actually

01:09was put in jail again i was 15 so i was like oh i could change him like this is

01:14just a setback like

01:15it's fine so he actually came out started talking again we mended our relationship and again he was

01:23that great guy that would call me all the time he would tell me i'm beautiful i was a straight

01:27a

01:27student so kind of like wanting a boyfriend having him be a bad boy was just like my way kind

01:33of like

01:33rebelling fast forward to my 16th birthday he came over we were at a skating rink and it was him

01:41me and

01:42some of my friends it was my first time out with him in months he was meeting my friends for

01:47the first

01:47time so i was just in a cloud nine that night my birthday was kind of the first time i

01:53truly saw

01:55who he was all my friends had left i was the last one to be picked up and i remember

01:59i had a friend

02:01who met me at the skating rink and it was a guy and i had posted him on my snapchat

02:05i was like oh like

02:06look who came over to see me on my birthday and my boyfriend calls me and he's like oh you're

02:12a

02:12like how could you have a guy on your snapchat why would you do this to me why would you

02:18have

02:18another guy i didn't really understood what i had done especially that everyone knew i was in a

02:25relationship everyone knew that i was with him but that was definitely the first time he called me on

02:30my name it was very rude was very mean a week later i had told him to come over to

02:38my house just

02:39stopped fighting i didn't want to fight with him anymore i wasn't understanding why we were fighting

02:43in the first place he comes over and we're like oh let's just go to the pool we're at the

02:48pool and

02:49it's normal i have my two brothers there we're talking we're having fun we're swimming oh i'm a

02:55virgin at this point like i have never been with a guy he was like my first real boyfriend that

02:59i

02:59kissed that i've like been very emotional with so he was like making moves that i was just like

03:07very uncomfortable with actually there was other people in the pool as well it wasn't just my

03:12brothers there was there's two couples actually there when he was kind of like making these moves

03:17i'm like hey like my brothers are there there's people here kind of weird don't want to do anything

03:22oh no like no one's gonna say anything like we're fine we're cool i'm not comfortable one in a pool

03:27and

03:28two with other people around this is just not ideally what i had in mind he was very persistent

03:34and no was just not an answer for him the two couple had left and my brothers were running around

03:40and he had actually brought me to the three-footer side because i don't know how to swim so he

03:45was

03:46just like oh let's just go to this side and we'll just talk we'll sit down all of a sudden

03:51he pulls down my bikini i kind of was in shock because again my two little brothers were running

03:57around i'm 16 years old my mom always had the rape talk with family members or like a random person

04:06i never really understood a significant other can also my body went in a shock i didn't i didn't move

04:13i didn't scream i didn't say stop he eventually stopped and i remember pulling up my bikini

04:21sitting down and he comes over with a towel and he says this was great i want to do it

04:29again i

04:30that wasn't great for me i told you stop and that wasn't enough oh well i didn't mean i didn't

04:38think

04:38you were being serious that night i ride myself to sleep because i was like how did i allow myself

04:45to

04:45be put in this position in the first place and i remember him coming over every week to my house

04:52to the same pool to do the exact same thing and it became a cycle for months on end when

04:59i was younger

04:59my mom gave me the talk to look out for family members that were a little too touchy or complete

05:08strangers she never sat down and talked to me and told me that your husband your boyfriend

05:15your significant other can actually also rape you sexually assault you so i was very wary of

05:23random people but when it was a boyfriend doing it to me i thought it was completely okay oh no

05:29like

05:30you're my girlfriend you have to do this in my mind i was like yeah that makes sense i have

05:36to do that

05:37if not you will leave me next to my house we have like um a little park and there's like

05:42a fountain

05:43and he and i would go there and sit and talk about like a relationship what i do like what

05:49i don't

05:49like hey i feel like you're only with me because i'm giving you sex because of my body like i

05:55don't

05:56feel like we're connecting in an emotional level for some reason that triggered him in a way where he got

06:02so mad at me that he had a snapple bottle next to him and he threw it at my head

06:08as i'm walking

06:09away from him if i did not move that would have literally shattered on my head you really just

06:18did that well yeah because you're being a bitch right now he had already been mentally and emotionally

06:24abusive beforehand but that was the first time he was getting physically abusive with me all because

06:32i told him that i kind of wanted to step back either we were being physical or he physical as

06:38in like

06:38having sex or he would be physical with hitting me because i didn't want to have sex i was so

06:47so

06:48so stressed out i was losing hair i wouldn't eat and when i would eat i would throw it up

06:55not because i

06:56was um i didn't want to eat but because i was so stressed out i had so much anxiety i

07:04was so depressed

07:05it felt like to me that no one understood where i was coming from that no one knew what i

07:13was going

07:13through my family didn't really notice what was going on until i started throwing up but it wasn't

07:20for oh like she might be depressed or oh she might be anorexic my mom actually thought i was pregnant

07:26my

07:26mom looks at me she's like are you pregnant and i'm like no and she was like yeah you better

07:33not be

07:33you're 16 like you shouldn't even be having sex right now yeah you're right i shouldn't be having

07:37sex but it was taken from me i had sat down with her one night when i was getting raped

07:43and beaten

07:44and i was just so tired and i was so scared of getting pregnant by him and i told her

07:49hey i want

07:51to start birth control and she looked at me and said you shouldn't be having sex so you're not going

07:56to go on birth control i went to my room and cried my eyes out being pregnant by his child

08:02was like

08:03my worst fear i felt really alone at 16 it took him to tell me that if i left him

08:14he would kill

08:15my little brother and me and my little brother are like close he knew how to get me to not

08:22leave him by

08:23constantly saying like i will kill your little brother one night i had called him and it was

08:28three o'clock in the morning auto school night and his best friend picks up and it's like hey

08:34we can't find him he left the house he's missing the police are looking up um are looking for him

08:39he

08:40robbed a house and in that mind i was like if he goes to jail this is this is my

08:46freedom i remember

08:47staying up that night rain that the police would find him it was maybe 7 a.m going into class

08:56i get

08:57like um a phone call from an unknown number i pick it up and it's a jail call they caught

09:03him they had

09:04to have caught him so i answered the call and he's like i'm in jail they caught me i'm gonna

09:10do a couple

09:11months but i need you to hold me down holding him down basically means i'll stay loyal to him

09:16if he needed money for his jail thing whatever commissary i will give it to him um that will pick

09:22up

09:22his calls that when he gets out i'll be there i don't even have a job like how am i

09:27supposed to give

09:28you money i'm not doing that i remember feeling like this relief i remember telling him like

09:35i'm done i'm over it you don't love me if you love me you'll stay and i remember loving him

09:43with

09:44crazy as this sounds with everything that he had done to me i still felt something towards him i

09:50mustered up the strength to tell him i don't love you and i don't want to be with you anymore

09:55i'm done and i'm tired i just hung up the phone call and i walked into class my relationships after

10:02him i only used my body to keep the men in my life i over sexualized myself i had to

10:09wear the

10:10mini skirts the mini um pants um i was wearing extremely tight clothing i had not learned that

10:18i can say no i was like if i don't give them my body pictures sex whatever then they'll leave

10:26and

10:26the next girl will have them and i couldn't be alone once i was done with one person

10:32on to the next i even had a friend tell me like you need to slow down i was doing

10:37it all for the

10:38wrong reasons and it definitely showed in a negative light in my relationship i was extremely mean

10:46extremely like verbally abusive i had became what i was afraid of what broke that cycle actually was

10:53so i had a who i thought was my best friend at the time i had told him everything i

10:59had told him

10:59my abuse i had told him my rape he had a crush on me for the longest time and everyone

11:05was like well

11:06just give him a chance like you know you you got this like he's a good guy my senior year

11:11of high

11:11school i decided to give him a chance he was extremely amazing at first from the very beginning

11:19i had let my guard down with him but because of my prior relationship with my ex i had developed

11:25an

11:25anxiety disorder i was put onto medication my medication instead of like actually helping my

11:31anxiety it would just make me extremely sleepy he and i began dating back in december and it was a

11:38long distance relationship at first in that moment in time i was in a very very very good place i

11:44had

11:44a new relationship i was on my medication therapy i my my grades were excellent again like i was doing

11:52so good i was looking into colleges couple months later he comes back i'm over the moon it's our new

11:58relationship he was my best friend i loved him so deeply i remember he would like sneak into school

12:04just to be with me for lunch and he would sneak back and we would talk and text all the

12:08time and

12:08i was just so happy with him even though my heart felt happy my body knew something was wrong one

12:18day

12:18i was sensing that i was going to have my panic attack like i can sense it so i had

12:24told my mom

12:25i was like hey i can't go to school today like i'm going to break down and it's just you're

12:29gonna

12:29have to pick me up anyways so let me just stay home and i need to sleep it off so

12:34i texted him i was

12:35like hey can you come over until i fall asleep and you can leave like i just i don't want

12:41to be

12:41alone until i fall asleep he comes over to my house and it's just us two this medication like

12:46made me extremely sleepy like you could not wake me up it was like i was as if i was

12:52like

12:53super super super drunk so i remember taking half of my my medication and i was starting to become

12:59very sleepy and i went upstairs to my room i had told them like okay well when i fall asleep

13:06i need

13:07you to just go home because i don't know my dad's schedule he might come home early he might come

13:13home

13:13late and i don't want you to get in trouble because you're here with me and he was like i

13:17completely understand like don't worry about it it's fine i don't remember when i fell asleep i don't

13:21know how long it took me to fall asleep but i had to fall asleep what i remember is i

13:29don't know if

13:29i was yelling or if i was just saying it but i kept saying no stop it hurts no no

13:35stop it hurts

13:36my eyes opened up a little bit and he's on top of me with a camera out and he's recording

13:47she's oh uh i don't know if like i whispered it to myself or i thought out loud but i

13:56was like

13:57why is your camera out and i knock out again i'm extremely like loopy i don't know what's real

14:06what's not real so i finally wake up and i'm in the shower and he's showering and in my head

14:13i was

14:14like no like i dreamt that like he did not he was not on top of me like he would

14:18never do that to me

14:19not knowing my history like he would never do that to me so i'm extremely confused he's showering me

14:24and he was like oh don't worry you're okay don't worry you're okay um that was the best sex we've

14:31had i get out the shower and my brother the middle child actually had come home from school

14:37and he's like oh why is he here and i'm confused and i'm like i don't remember i don't i

14:43don't know

14:44they both put me in the bed and he leaves and my brother's like like are you on your medication

14:51and i'm like yeah and he's like okay don't worry i'll bring you water you can go back to sleep

14:56i wake

14:57up again and it's the middle of the night and i go to the bathroom and in my head i'm

15:01like no like

15:02i dreamt this entire thing like this could not have actually happened i'm sitting down and there's like

15:10blood in my underwear and i'm extremely bruised and extremely like i'm hurting like it hurts to even

15:18pee i go back to sleep the next morning rolls around and i text him and i'm like hey did

15:24you go

15:25home after i fell asleep oh yeah nothing happened are you okay do you remember anything it took a long

15:31time for like my memories to completely jog back together but i never said anything because i was so

15:40two things ashamed and embarrassed and then after it happened that's when he became verbally and

15:48physically abusive as well he was being enlisted into the air force and he was leaving and i was like

15:56okay if he leaves this is my break this is i'm okay i was telling him like hey like we

16:02need we need

16:03to break up i'm turning 18 next month i don't want you know to do long distance relationship

16:08i'm kind of done this was all on our drive to have breakfast with each other because i wanted to

16:13sit

16:13down in a restaurant publicly do this with him because i knew he would lash out with me he gets

16:19out my car in the middle of traffic gets out my car and starts walking away there's a gas station

16:25and so he walked into the gas station i parked my car into the gas station i tell him like

16:30hey come back

16:31inside he gets back in the passenger seat and he hits me in the face this is what you like

16:36like you like to see me pissed off and i was like i i'm not trying to piss you off

16:42like i'm

16:43this is not what i'm trying to do he goes into his backpack and he takes out um a wad

16:49of pictures

16:50and he's like this is what i had for you and it was just pictures of our year together you're

16:55going

16:55away to the air force i'm going to college like this is this just doesn't seem right and he's like

17:00oh you're so stupid like i don't understand why i put myself in this position like i have never

17:05loved anyone like i've loved you i was like you know what you're right like i shouldn't break up

17:10with you like we'll stay together like it's fine came back home to my house next day he comes back

17:17to my house that's when he's being um that's when he was he was leaving to the air force the

17:21next day

17:22so he comes to my house and he's like hey like i'm gonna i'm gonna go to the um to

17:28the airport like

17:29i'm leaving today blah blah blah and i gave him a hug and in that hug because my parents were

17:36home

17:36and his parents were at in the car i said hey like this this is not gonna work out like

17:42we have to

17:42break up i did that because i knew his parents were watching and my parents were watching so if he

17:48did

17:48something i had witnesses and all he said was okay he walked back to his car and that was

17:57the last time i saw him i told myself i was like after him i will i'm going to allow

18:03myself a year

18:05of being single i'm not going to be with anyone i i'm i'm done with the guys i've been with

18:10i'm tired

18:11i don't want to be with anyone yeah that did not last because december rolls around and i meet my

18:18amazing wonderful fiancee it was actually through a dm so i i remember i went on my instagram and i

18:26had posted like hey who wants to play eight ball like i have a new phone number like i want

18:32to make

18:32new friends like and he swiped up and he was like oh i'll give you my phone number like that's

18:37totally

18:37fine so we actually like played a few games of eight ball and i kind of left it at that

18:44i was like oh

18:45whatever like but i had just started college that january he kept swiping up on my instagram dm

18:51telling me how beautiful i was and i actually responded back to him and i said oh like thank

18:57you like i'm in college right now like we should be friends yeah we be we became friends we became

19:02extremely good friends and one day i was just like oh like let's facetime because i don't even know

19:08how you look like like come on and i facetimed and i was like oh my god you are drop

19:14dead gorgeous

19:14like you are a beautiful specimen and i was like so infatuated with him i was like oh my god

19:24you like

19:24you're beautiful when i knew i was in love with him was well he was leaning in for a kiss

19:30to me and

19:31he like stopped himself and he was like like is this okay to do like can i kiss you like

19:36are you

19:36okay with that and i was like i have never had someone ask me that before like especially from my

19:44peers relationships like i was raped i was beaten like no one cared to ask me like if i was

19:50okay with

19:51you doing something so i just looked ahead i was like you are more than welcome to kiss me like

19:57you

19:58you

20:01you

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