- 4 days ago
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00:03BBC Television presents...
00:08Hancock.
00:41I've pressed it.
00:42Oh.
00:48I've pressed it, but so am I.
00:51Oh well, third time lucky then, eh?
00:57Enoch?
01:11They certainly take the time, these BBC liftmen, eh?
01:16I said they've improved the lifts, but they haven't improved the liftmen, have they?
01:23And that's progress for you.
01:26That's the way it goes.
01:27Yes, indeed.
01:43Hiya.
01:54Hiya.
01:56Up you go.
01:57Let's go dancing.
01:59Thursday Magazine.
02:00Really?
02:01Oh, Thursday Magazine's my favourite programme.
02:03I always stop in and watch it.
02:05Oh, it's just a job.
02:07It's not bad.
02:08Fifteen million viewers?
02:09Yes.
02:10When I took it over, it only had five.
02:14Perhaps we might have the opportunity of working together sometime, eh?
02:17Oh, I do hope so.
02:19Well, we'll have to see what we can do.
02:21Ha, ha, ha.
02:22Ha, ha.
02:22Ha, ha.
02:23Ha, ha.
02:24Hey, he's only taking his time.
02:26Anyone press the bell?
02:27We all have.
02:29Doesn't seem to...
02:30Doesn't seem to have done much good though, does it?
02:32Let me have a go.
02:33He'll come when he's ready.
02:34There's no need to keep buzzing him.
02:39Oh, it's coming up.
02:40Yeah, I thought it would.
02:42Ha, ha, ha.
02:44Well, what's so marvellous about that?
02:45He didn't know it was your finger on the button.
02:47Oh, right.
02:48There's no need to take that attitude, old man.
02:50I'm not taking any attitude.
02:51Just to see how you can stand there and take all the credit for it, that's all.
02:55It's just as easily have been me who pushed it.
02:57It just so happens he was ready to come up at that particular time.
02:59Oh, right.
03:00There's no need to make a song and dance about it, old man.
03:02I'm not making any song and dance about it.
03:03I just didn't like your totality.
03:05You're in a voice and the way you implied that he only comes up here because you are here
03:08and that we are nothing.
03:10Well, let's forget it, shall I?
03:11As long as he comes up.
03:11Oh, right, right.
03:12Yes, all right then.
03:13Yes, yes.
03:14Oh, all right.
03:17Hello?
03:18He stopped on the fourth floor.
03:20That's all right.
03:20He's picking somebody up.
03:23He's on the move again.
03:26Ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:27He's gone down again.
03:28Ha, ha, ha.
03:30Ah, clever dick.
03:31Dear, oh, dear.
03:31I'll say no more.
03:33Ah, an intrepid bird man.
03:37Well, what's happening?
03:38What's wrong?
03:39Trouble with the lift?
03:41Anybody press the button?
03:43Do you know?
03:43We'd never thought of that.
03:46Anybody press the button?
03:47Dear, oh, dear.
03:48The military man.
03:49Of course we'd press the button.
03:50What do you think we've been doing?
03:51Trying to pull it up by the rope?
03:53Well, let me have a go.
03:55Perhaps you haven't been pressing it hard enough.
03:56Yes, go on.
03:56You have a go.
03:57Go on.
03:57Pretend it's a rocket.
03:58You'll enjoy that, won't you?
04:01Go on then.
04:01Five, four, three, two, one.
04:07Nope.
04:07Still on the launching pad.
04:11Hard luck.
04:11Well, there's probably mechanical trouble.
04:13It is automatic, I suppose.
04:15Well, yes and no.
04:16It is automatic, but to give the illusion of full employment, they also have a man inside
04:20it.
04:22Rumour has it he used to be a producer.
04:24I should learn how to work it if I were you.
04:30Are you trying to be offensive, old man?
04:31Because if you are, there's the BBC gym downstairs.
04:34Now look, Sonny, don't shy and show off in front of the young lady there.
04:37Huh?
04:37Don't push her luck.
04:40I may look a mug, but I know how to handle myself, you know.
04:43You see that?
04:43I don't usually muck about with mugs, but I'm prepared to have a go.
04:46Oh, for heaven's sake.
04:47Two grown men behaving in this idiotic fashion.
04:49Look, I'm terribly sorry, sir, but this person is deliberately trying to provoke me.
04:52Yes, that's quite right he is.
04:53You ought to be ashamed of yourself, a man of your age.
04:56I'm not a man of my age, I'm more a man of his age.
05:00I'm really trying to protect myself from an unprovoked and premeditated attack from this
05:03loud-mouthed yob here.
05:06Well, I'm not going to stand for that.
05:07Now you've gone too far.
05:08All right, go on, go on, try your luck.
05:09Come on, come on, have a go.
05:10There's me nose.
05:11Go on, hit it.
05:12See how far you get.
05:13Go on, have a swing.
05:14Good evening.
05:17Hello, what's the time?
05:18The epilogue over already?
05:24Is anything wrong?
05:25No, nothing wrong, really.
05:26Vicar, just a slight divergence of opinion here, that's all.
05:29Well, how did the programme get on tonight, then?
05:31Oh, very well, thank you.
05:32The producer was very pleased with me.
05:33He tells me that I was quite powerful.
05:37Oh.
05:38Oh, good.
05:38Well, I am pleased.
05:39Well, that means you'll be doing some more, then.
05:41Do you really think so?
05:42Oh, yes.
05:42Powerful persons are very hard to come by, you know.
05:45What actually were you working?
05:47I beg your pardon?
05:48I mean, what were you doing?
05:48What was the subject you were on?
05:50Oh, I was just making a few observations on the New English Bible.
05:53Oh, yes.
05:54Very good.
05:55Gladens the heart to see how well that's selling, doesn't it?
05:57Mm-hmm.
05:57Yes, they say we're a pagan country.
05:59Yes, it's selling like this.
06:00It really is most encouraging.
06:03Do you actually cop anything yourself out of that?
06:07No, no, no.
06:08Oh, well, never mind.
06:09I expect it goes to a good cause, anyway.
06:12Yes, I expect so.
06:15Has anyone pressed the button?
06:18Yes, we have, but it's all fallen on stony ground,
06:20as they say in the good book.
06:23Perhaps, um, I might press it.
06:24By all means.
06:25The ecclesiastical digit may be just what's required.
06:31You've done it.
06:32By heavens, you've done it.
06:34He's coming up.
06:35Congratulations.
06:35Oh, it was nothing.
06:36Wait till he gets here, sir.
06:37We remember what happened last time.
06:39He's meaning to stop.
06:41Oh, his buzzer's not working.
06:43Still, he's only down on the floor below.
06:45Well, I'm not stopping in at all night.
06:47I'm going down to the next floor.
06:48Are you coming?
06:49Oh, well, suit yourselves.
06:50Suit me.
06:51Lift! Hang on, wait for me.
06:52I'm coming.
06:53Lift!
06:53Wait for me!
06:54Lift!
06:57Yes, sir.
06:58Going down?
07:01Time. We've been waiting ages.
07:03Sorry, sir.
07:03Slight mechanical trouble.
07:05Hang on.
07:05Wait for me.
07:06You did that deliberately, didn't you?
07:08You heard me yelling.
07:09You waited till I got down there, and you deliberately shut up here.
07:12I beg your pardon, sir.
07:14I did nothing of the kind.
07:15In any case, if I was to take notice of all the yelling and screaming that goes on inside
07:19this building, I'd be going up and down all day like a yo-yo.
07:23You'll get into the lift and take us down to the ground floor.
07:26Wait a minute.
07:28Now, what are you playing at?
07:30I thought so.
07:31I'm afraid you'll have to get out, sir.
07:32Get out?
07:33What for?
07:33I assume you can read, sir.
07:35This lift is constructed for eight persons.
07:37Well?
07:37We are nine.
07:38You'll have to get out, sir.
07:39I shall do no such thing.
07:40I'm afraid you'll have to.
07:41You were the last one in.
07:42I may have been the last one in, but I wasn't the last one here.
07:44He came after me.
07:45I don't know anything at all about that.
07:47See, you were the last one in the lift.
07:48You'll have to get up.
07:49Well, I am not getting out.
07:50Well, this lift is not moving until you do get out.
07:52Oh, get along out.
07:53I'm in a hurry.
07:53Well, so am I.
07:54This is nice, isn't it, Vicar?
07:55Take note of this.
07:56Here's your Christian charity going at full blast.
08:00Oh, come now, my good man.
08:01Be reasonable.
08:02One extra passenger doesn't make any difference.
08:03They don't put up that notice.
08:05They're just for fun.
08:06If they'd meant nine persons, they'd have put nine persons.
08:08But good grief, there's room for another six here.
08:10It's not a question of rooms.
08:11It's a question of weight ratio.
08:14Are you insinuating that I'm portly?
08:17I'm not insinuating anything, sir.
08:19I'm just not going to take any responsibility.
08:22I have a duty to the safety of my passengers,
08:24and I will not jeopardize their well-being by overloading my lift.
08:28Oh, the man's a fool.
08:29One more isn't going to make any difference.
08:31Might get down a bit quicker, that's all.
08:34Eight persons is eight persons, not nine persons.
08:36Oh, this is bureaucracy gone, mate.
08:37All right.
08:38So you had eight persons in here, and they were all 20 stone.
08:40What then?
08:42Eight persons is eight persons, not nine persons.
08:44I'm not moving.
08:45We can't hang about here all night.
08:47Let him stay in.
08:48All right.
08:48All right.
08:49But I'm not taking any responsibility for what might happen.
08:52If this lift plummets like a stone and shatters to pieces on the basement floor,
08:56it's nothing to do with me.
08:58Is that agreed?
08:59Yes, yes, yes.
09:00All right.
09:01Come on, let's get on with it.
09:02Right.
09:02Be it on your own heads.
09:20Come on, man.
09:21Come on.
09:22What have you stopped it for?
09:24I've not stopped it.
09:25It's stuck.
09:26Of course it isn't stuck.
09:28It is stuck.
09:29We're stuck in between floors.
09:30Well, take it up and start again.
09:32It won't go up.
09:34It won't go up or down.
09:35We're stuck.
09:36It's your fault, you great fat lump.
09:38We're stuck.
09:41That is the second reference you've made to my sides and I resent it.
09:44I shall make a third.
09:45You are a great big fat overweighted lump and you've made my lipstick.
09:50You've overstepped yourself, sir.
09:51I shall be forced to ask you to step outside and give me satisfaction.
09:54How can we step outside, you great bigetted now, or we're stuck?
09:57Will you kindly control your language and remember there are ladies present?
10:00Well, you should have thought about that earlier before you forced your way into this lift.
10:03Now, you keep out of this, Sonny Jim.
10:04I've had my fill of you.
10:05Bits of kids straight out of the cradle get their name in the radio times and think they're everybody.
10:09Please.
10:10Now, this won't get the lift started.
10:12Quite right.
10:13The voice of sanity.
10:15Well said, Vic.
10:18All right, ladies and gentlemen.
10:19Now, in the words of my old school song, let's all pull together.
10:24All right, Squire.
10:25It's all yours.
10:27Ladies and gentlemen, there's no cause to alarm.
10:29I'm now going to press the emergency button.
10:32This may cause a violent jolting of the cage and it might help to absorb any impact if you resolve
10:37to bend your legs.
10:43That's right.
10:51There seems to be something wrong with the emergency button as well.
10:54You can all get up.
10:55Well, what on earth are we going to do now?
10:56Oh, this is ludicrous.
10:58I'm a doctor.
10:58I've got patients to attend.
11:00Oh, look, there must be something that you could do.
11:02I'm quite dizzy down there.
11:04Vertigo.
11:04Was it?
11:05You're overweight.
11:06That's your trouble.
11:07Don't say that.
11:07You'll start him off on these nine persons again.
11:10We seem to have exhausted the mechanical possibilities of getting ourselves out of here.
11:13I suggest that we all shout for help.
11:15Someone is bound to hear us.
11:17Good idea.
11:18Thank heavens for the military mind in an emergency.
11:20Cranwell has triumphed again.
11:22We'll all shout for help.
11:23In unison.
11:24After three.
11:25Right.
11:25One, two, three.
11:27Help!
11:28Help!
11:30Help!
11:32Help!
11:36Help!
11:38Help!
11:40Help!
11:41Help!
11:43Help!
11:44Help!
11:45Help!
11:47Help!
11:49Help!
11:49Help!
11:49Oh, it's no good it's hopeless.
11:50It must be soundproof.
11:51Nobody's taken a blind bit of notice.
11:52What's the time?
11:54Half past twelve.
11:54Oh, well that's it then.
11:55They'll be left on duty now.
11:57They'll all lock up and go home at midnight.
11:59We're the only people left in the building.
12:01Do you realise that?
12:01We've got to stay here until somebody comes in the morning.
12:03Yes, unless we can get the lift started.
12:04Good grief.
12:05Oh, for crying out loud.
12:06We can't stay here until eight o'clock in the morning.
12:07We shall all be asphyxiated.
12:09That is the right word, isn't it?
12:10Yeah.
12:11Well, come on, man.
12:12You're supposed to be in charge.
12:13What are we going to do?
12:13Come on, think.
12:14Think.
12:14I think I'm going to faint.
12:15You can't, dear.
12:16There's no room.
12:19I'm a doctor.
12:20Yes, we all know you, doctor.
12:21You've been talking about nothing else ever since you got in here.
12:23I don't understand you.
12:24I don't go around telling people what I am all the time.
12:26I think we've all reached an opinion as to what you are.
12:29You kindly keep quiet.
12:31Take your shoes off.
12:32Take your shoes off.
12:34Steady on.
12:34You'll be all right.
12:35Would you hold that, please?
12:36Don't worry, doctor.
12:36I'll keep an eye on her.
12:37You can count on me.
12:39Proficiency badge, first aid, beaver patrol, 11th East Surrey Scouts.
12:43Two years behind the goal with a stretcher at Stamford Bridge.
12:47I think you'll find you can rely upon me in an emergency.
12:49I'm not anticipating an emergency.
12:51You never know.
12:52There's some very dodgy people amongst us.
12:55Take him, for instance.
12:56Very suspect.
12:59Seen his type before.
13:00It's all on the surface.
13:01It's all show.
13:02There's nothing in here.
13:02He'll crack like a dry stick, he will.
13:04I say.
13:04Are you talking about me?
13:05No, no.
13:05It's all right, old man.
13:06You carry on.
13:07It's all right.
13:08You know what I mean, Doc?
13:08He's edgy.
13:09He'll start twitching in a minute.
13:11I've seen it often during the war up in the front line.
13:13He'll be shaking within the hour.
13:16An hour past three, he'll be raving mad.
13:19When he starts going, I recommend a quick belt across the chin.
13:21I'll do it now.
13:23Just keep quiet and everything will be all right.
13:25Gentlemen, it occurs to us that perhaps we should appoint someone to take charge.
13:28We thought that the air marshal, with his vast experience of commanding men in desperate situations,
13:33is very mad for the job.
13:34Oh, no, no, no.
13:35I'm sorry he's had his chance.
13:36No, no, old shout for help.
13:37No, he hasn't got my confidence.
13:38Now, look, if it hadn't been for you, we wouldn't have been in this mess in the first place.
13:41It's your incompetent handling of the lift that did it.
13:43You've got no right to be going up and down this hole all day long.
13:45You're a menace.
13:46No, no, no.
13:47Gentlemen, gentlemen, please don't let's give way under the strain.
13:49We will gain nothing by squabbling among ourselves.
13:52Well, I agree.
13:53Well, sir, have you any ideas?
13:54Oh, this'll be a laugh.
13:56Please, do you mind?
13:57All right, go on.
13:57Carry on, air marshal.
13:59Yes.
13:59Well, the way I see it is, we're in a hole.
14:06And, well, we've got to get out of it.
14:10So what I propose is this.
14:11We hack a hole in the roof.
14:13Then two of us climbs out.
14:14Then one stands on the other's shoulders.
14:15And we force open the doors on the floor above.
14:18Hmm?
14:21And that's it, is it?
14:22Yes, that's it.
14:23Brilliant.
14:24Right, ladies and gentlemen, if you'll all be good enough to adjust your dark goggles,
14:28the air marshal here will step forward with his oxyacetylene cutter
14:31and have us out of here in no time.
14:34You beribbon buffoon.
14:38This is metal, you can't act your way out of this.
14:41Dear, oh dear, keep the bomb with blokes like him on the button.
14:45Well, can you suggest anything better?
14:46Yes, I can.
14:47Doctor, what have you got in your little black bag there?
14:49Got any sleeping pills?
14:50Yeah.
14:50Right, two each all round, let's forget all about it.
14:53I've got to get out of here.
14:55I can't stay in here till the morning.
14:56I've got to get out.
14:57I'm suffocating.
14:59I'm suffocating.
14:59I've got to get out of here.
15:01My wife's got claustrophobia.
15:02Oh, yes.
15:03That's a handy thing to have in a lift, isn't it?
15:05Oh!
15:06Do you mind keeping your tasteless remarks to yourself?
15:08I'm sorry, just trying to keep the party spirit going.
15:10I didn't mean any harm.
15:11Well, have you got any more brilliant ideas?
15:12Yes, as a matter of fact, I have.
15:14I suggest we put my second plan into operation.
15:16Which is?
15:16We all jump up and down.
15:18All jump up and down?
15:20Well, it's quite logical.
15:21Might get down a bit quicker.
15:22The way she's going, the quicker the better.
15:24And supposing the bottom falls out?
15:27Supposing the cable snaps?
15:29Supposing we all hurtle down to the bottom of the lift shaft?
15:32You've put your finger on the one weak spot
15:34and the whole scheme, haven't you?
15:36Surely the bottom won't fall out.
15:38It's solidly made.
15:39The cable is made to take heavy weights.
15:41And the whole structure's a piece of beautiful British engineering.
15:44I mean, surely we...
15:45I think perhaps we'd better have the pills round here.
15:47I think it's worth trying.
15:49Oh, in that case, I agree.
15:50Well, let's give it a go.
15:51Anything to get out of this blasted box.
15:53Right, then.
15:53Right, we'll try it.
15:54Now, take your cue from me.
15:55Right?
15:56One, two, three.
15:58Jump!
15:59Jump!
15:59Get together!
16:00Jump!
16:00Jump!
16:33god it's only half past four of course this is nothing new to an old submarine man like me you
16:40know just like the old days lying on the bottom engines off still silent nobody daring to move
16:46gerry destroyers dashing about upstairs trying to find us sitting there sweating waiting joined
16:52together in a common bond of mutual peril yes it's all too familiar i thought you said earlier
16:57that you were in the army did i oh well yes uh yes i was i i was attached to
17:03a commando unit being
17:04transported by submarines to blow up the heavy water plants in norway very tricky stuff heavy water
17:11very tricky you ever handle it no i can't say i have you don't want to very tricky stuff
17:16cup full of that and your font blow your roof off
17:22here it is hot in here it's a bit stuffy isn't it yes it's the air yes too many people
17:27breathing too little air it's a funny thing air isn't it doc you can't see it you can't touch
17:33it you can't smell it but it's there it's just as well we've got it all around us i mean
17:41suppose
17:41you had to carry your own supply around with you supposing when you were born they said there you
17:45are that's your lot drag that round with you you'd have to have something the size of the albert hall
17:52you'd have to have great wide streets and big doorways to get it in and out of
17:56it wouldn't work i reckon the ants would have taken ever be no
17:59well fortunately there's plenty of air for us all yes but for how long i mean the rate we're
18:03multiplying we're going to use it all up do you know there'll be a thousand million chinamen by
18:071980 and they've all got noses you know i reckon in a couple of hundred years time you won't be
18:12able to move we'll all be standing shoulder to shoulder all over the world heads up fighting for
18:18breath the tallest bloke with the biggest hooter survives that's the way it's going to be natural
18:26selection you'll be a race of giants with big hooters what do you think doc i don't know and i
18:33don't care charming so much for the medical profession doesn't it concern you that one
18:39day all the little men with small noses will all be wiped out you've got nothing to worry about then
18:43have you
18:47well then keep quiet and go to sleep it's bad enough being in this predicament without having to listen
18:51to your inane chatter dragging the albert hall about with him i didn't think he'd be the first
18:58to crack i have not cracked i'm full command of my faculties well stop twitching i'm not twitching
19:07claustrophobic i have not claustrophobic all right all right keep quiet have a pill be all right be
19:10all right i've got an idea come on wake up wake up everybody up come on come on i've got
19:14an idea
19:14i've got a good idea now we're gonna play some games oh my dear fellow really no take our mind
19:20off the
19:20danger because the doctor's not too good he'd cheer him up a bit i am perfectly all right yes yes
19:24of
19:24course you are you're lovely now don't worry now now you'll enjoy this game it's a very good game for
19:28if you happen to be stuck in a lift now this is the thing i have to think of the
19:31title of a film a
19:32play a book or a song i acted out and you have to guess what it is sounds rather childish
19:38to me
19:39should shoot you right down to the ground then shouldn't it if you could only stop snogging for
19:43a minute we'd be all right right then off we go it's a film it's a film right she's got
19:51the idea see
19:53and a play as well and a play as well right now we come to the main part
20:02look back in anger well give us a chance
20:06and simple how clever of you how did you work that out it wasn't clever at all it was a
20:10simple
20:11one to start us all off look back in in pubsy document it's good
20:18and don't do that you know what happened last time all right all right i'll give you a harder
20:22one this time right uh film right
20:41i was a teenage werewolf oh no
20:45yes of course he was right you're marvelous come on it's your turn no no i don't want to play
20:49that
20:49stupid game well if you don't play it stop guessing them then now just a minute not that i'm the
20:53slightest
20:53a bit interested in this rubbish but uh how did you make was was oh well that's wash you see
20:59wash don't want the h cut round it take it out roll it up and try it away
21:17here's a good now uh song title
21:25the chocolate soldier i hadn't finished
21:29yes it was and i'm not playing anymore good now perhaps we can get some sleep sleep sleep
21:33we're not gonna sleep we're coming out of this lift singing mate there'll be newsreeds camera
21:38there'll be newsreel cameras out there waiting for us we'll show them
21:41tell them how the british behave when they're up against it all together now i'll be alec guinness
21:51come on come on come on doc get in
22:17listen
22:20listen are you all right in there? yes we're all well we're saved wake up wake up we're saved
22:29bum bum bum what's happened? there's a girl come on come on oh oh dear what's happening?
22:35they found us at last we should be out at any time now look look look oh there comes
22:44are you all right sir? yes thank you where are the cameras? i'm the chief engineer of the bbc
22:51maintenance department i apologize on behalf of the corporation for what has happened
22:55it must have been quite an ordeal for you it was hell it was sheer hell down there but i
22:58managed
22:58to keep control but i'm ready for the interviews where's radio newsreel panorama here the tonight
23:03team where's that scots bloke with the funny hat and the beard heath robinson i'm afraid there's no
23:11one here sir but if you'd be kind enough to follow me the bbc would be very glad to offer
23:15you a nice cup of tea after your ordeal very generous i must
23:34what are you looking for? that's my season ticket must have dropped out of my pocket
23:38a film
24:01bell book and candle that's it right you got it first time all right you'll go
24:05what a song a song yes yes it's much better with just the two of us isn't it yes all
24:10right go on
24:12oh oh oh yes yes foot uh shoe uh soul you oh so you me i oh sorry me oh
24:19that's it
24:21isn't it funny well you know i didn't like you at the beginning isn't that funny i was quite wrong
24:26about you all right you'll go yeah right tell them when you get up we get fed up we'll have
24:31a sing
24:31song all right right here we go right then
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