Stop Romanticizing the Struggle | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 45)

Name: Stop Romanticizing the Struggle | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 45)
Uploaded: 2025-08-15T00:48:44+00:00
Duration: 1 h 18 min 30 s
Channel: Lerin Gaines

Lerin Gaines

Stop Romanticizing the Struggle | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 45)

Featuring: Coaching Sessions Thursday, Mentorship Series

Thursday | August 14th, 2025

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Song of The Day: "Try Again" by Aaliyah
Released 2000 | Romeo Must Die Soundtrack

Burning Questions: How do you emotionally detach from family narratives about money?

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411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines
DISC 5: Restoration
Track 45: Stop Romanticizing the Struggle
©️ 2025 Black Diamond Consultations Network
LerinGaines.com

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00:03:00Every episode is part of a journey across our weekly mentorship series, Spiritual Sundays, Mental Mondays, Transformational Tuesdays, Wind-Down Wednesdays, Coaching Sessions Thursdays, and Financial Fridays.

00:03:14Each day holds space for wisdom, clarity, and real conversation.

00:03:19So grab your journal, pour your glass, and prepare to go beyond the surface.

00:03:23Because here, we don't just talk, we transform.

00:03:27And now, here's your guide through it all, entrepreneur, mentor, and founder of Black Diamond Consultations, Laren Gaines.

00:03:35What's going on?

00:03:37What's going on, what's going on, everybody?

00:03:38Welcome to the 4111 Podcast.

00:03:41I see you all out there.

00:03:43I want to say thank you so much.

00:03:45If you're out there, if you could please do me a favor, please like, comment, share, subscribe, tag a friend.

00:03:53Invite them in because you never know what you might get from the 4111 Podcast.

00:03:57What breakthrough moments, what aha moments you might get from this session tonight.

00:04:02So please go ahead and share this with a friend.

00:04:05I want to say what's up to everybody out there on X.

00:04:08What's up to the DLive family.

00:04:10Thank you all so much for coming through.

00:04:13I see you out there on Twitch and YouTube as well.

00:04:17So yes, please go ahead and share this video.

00:04:20So share this podcast.

00:04:24Let's bring some more people in.

00:04:25And this is coaching sessions Thursday, part of the mentorship series here.

00:04:32And I can't believe it.

00:04:34We are here already almost halfway through this month.

00:04:39And we do have a very special guest coming in tonight.

00:04:45But before we go ahead and do that, I want to give a very special thank you to my executive producer.

00:04:50I want to thank God for giving me another opportunity to come out here and give you the 4111 Podcast.

00:04:58Without each and every one of you listening out there, without the most high for making this all possible, I would not even be here.

00:05:04And going through these sessions night after night, connecting, speaking with so many different people across the country, overseas, this has just been an amazing journey.

00:05:19And again, we are embarking on the five-year mark of the 4111 Podcast and reading Between the Wines.

00:05:27And of course, I could not do that without the love and support from each and every one of you.

00:05:31So I want to take this moment to give a shout-out to a few people out there who have supported along the way.

00:05:38And of course, there's going to be more as we get closer to the fifth-year anniversary.

00:05:45I want to say what's up to Ms. SOS.

00:05:48Thank you so much for all of the love, support over the years.

00:05:51I want to say what's up all the way out there in Puerto Rico, Mr. Alex Coquito, author Birdman313, Sophie Davis.

00:06:01I want to say what's up to Danny Lopez, all the way from Belgium.

00:06:07Rowang from South Korea.

00:06:09I believe I got that right.

00:06:12So many people.

00:06:13I want to say thank you to my niece, Okita.

00:06:15Thank you for supporting as well.

00:06:19The list goes on and on.

00:06:21And, you know, of course, Mr. Nate Perry was going on out there all the way from Brooklyn.

00:06:26Definitely has supported the 4-in-1 podcast over the years.

00:06:30Wow, it's amazing.

00:06:32So just think, like, what's getting ready to happen as we get closer.

00:06:38Okay, I'm going to get off of that.

00:06:42All right, let's do this here.

00:06:44So, episode 45.

00:06:48Wow, we're episode 45 already.

00:06:51Hold on one second, everybody.

00:06:57I've got to pause for one second to get something together.

00:07:00I promise you that we won't come back.

00:07:04Just give me one quick second.

00:07:05I'll be right back, y'all.

00:07:06I'll be right back, y'all.

00:07:07I'll be right back, y'all.

00:07:08I'll be right back, y'all.

00:07:09I'll be right back, y'all.

00:07:10I'll be right back, y'all.

00:07:11I'll be right back, y'all.

00:07:12I'll be right back, y'all.

00:07:13I'll be right back, y'all.

00:07:43All right. All right. Let's get back into this. All right. So we hear episode 45. Let's get into it. Stop romanticizing the struggle. This five restoration. Of course, this is coaching sessions Thursday, part of the mentorship series.

00:08:05Now, if you are interested in having a seat at the table, if you want to sit down with me, if you want to dissect our assignments as we go through these real life scenarios, these real life situations.

00:08:19Just send me a DM. You can also text me at 609-200-1098. Again, that is 609-200-1098.

00:08:29And I will give you information that you can get in order to become part of this mentorship series. Have a seat at the table. Go through these real life scenarios with me. Give me your opinion.

00:08:45And listen, as we go back and forth, we learn and we grow together. So that's what this is about. So I want to give a recap of last night's show.

00:08:53So last night's show was described as heavy because we spoke about a specific individual from Charlotte, North Carolina. Shout out to everyone from the Carolinas who, you know, of course, last night was Wind Down Wednesday.

00:09:10And that is a big integral part of the 411 podcast. As we started five years ago doing exactly that, Wind Down. I just released my my book that was self-published and I came up with the concept of the reading between the wine show.

00:09:28But somewhere along the line, it got a little twisted and the message wasn't as clear as what I wanted it to be.

00:09:38And we were doing a heck of a lot more drinking and celebrating. Then we were spreading the message in a good word. So needless to say, over this five year course, the 411 podcast reading between the wines has been restructured.

00:09:55And now this is a financial show dedicated to debt free living from spiritual, mental, physical, financial wellness.

00:10:06So that took a really big turn, a really big 180. I didn't know that that's what the plan was in the beginning.

00:10:13I was just going along with the flow, but God had greater and bigger plans than I could have even imagined at that time.

00:10:20As we went through Janelle's scenario, Janelle had an issue with using Wind Down Wednesday as an opportunity to do some self-care.

00:10:37But her self-care is almost sabotaging and in some cases a little disturbing because she's tapping into flirting with the spiritual realm, definitely the financial.

00:10:58And when I say tapping in and flirting with, she is disturbing, that's a better word, disturbing.

00:11:08It's not at ease. It's not at a peaceful state. Her spiritual life struggled based on these decisions here.

00:11:16So all four realms have been impacted by her self-care routine, which is something that started in self-care and ended in something completely different.

00:11:39So Wind Down Wednesday started during a pandemic for Miss Janelle.

00:11:45She would grab a glass of rosé, relax her face mask.

00:11:50But somewhere along the way, it turned into her drinking a half a bottle, a whole bottle, and then signing up for a $300 a month wine subscription that she can't afford.

00:12:02Ubering, door dashing, not doing her, you know, weekly workout routine, skipping out on that.

00:12:12Not being able to function properly at work.

00:12:15So there's a whole bunch of things going on here.

00:12:18And she clearly said spiritually she feels disconnected.

00:12:24She knows that her body is a temple, but lately it feels like an abandoned Airbnb.

00:12:31So I just described how all four areas of her being, the spiritual being, the mental, the physical, and the financial,

00:12:40has been affected by what was a self-care routine that went wrong.

00:12:47So last night when I said the show was heavy is because, yes, we wind down.

00:12:53We do have a glass of wine.

00:12:55Sometimes I might have two glasses of wine, depending on how great the wine is.

00:12:59But I never wanted to come across as if popping bottles was the only thing that we do here.

00:13:15So when I said heavy, this was a heavy show because we went there last night.

00:13:19There's so many people who struggle with this.

00:13:24And, yes, I'm going to say your spiritual realm suffers.

00:13:30I'm caught in the middle.

00:13:32I don't know which one is worse because people go through it spiritually and they go through it financially.

00:13:36Because spiritually, you start to awaken spirits within you.

00:13:41Like I said before, they don't call it wine and spirits for no reason.

00:13:44It's a known fact that you will awaken spirits in you when you do a little bit too much drinking.

00:13:55And definitely the financial aspect of it.

00:13:57Because last time I checked, it ain't cheap.

00:13:59I spoke about a $60 bottle of wine that I spotted.

00:14:03That was my first bottle that I went to when I was shopping yesterday and came across a $60 bottle of wine.

00:14:10Now, can you imagine if somebody is consuming that on a daily basis?

00:14:16That would add up very quickly.

00:14:19And, of course, Janelle speaks about how she's paying for a $300 a month wine subscription that she can't afford.

00:14:30And this is the thing that I have to say.

00:14:32When you know better, do better.

00:14:34The consequences are a heck of a lot steeper when you know full well that you shouldn't be doing something, but yet we continuously do it anyway.

00:14:45So, if you'd like to listen and find out how we navigated through Janelle's scenario, the assignment last night, please go ahead and watch that replay.

00:14:55It is available on YouTube.

00:14:57The replay is also available on all.

00:14:59I want to say all, but most podcast platforms, the audio version.

00:15:08We're available on iHeartRadio, Deezer, Amazon, Audacity, Pocket Cast, just to name a few, Spotify.

00:15:22Now, let's get into the song of the day.

00:15:24Now, I don't know if my special guest is out there in the audience, but if you are, that means that you are not in the right room.

00:15:35So, if you're out there listening, shoot me a text message and I will try to get you the link that you need in order to come in.

00:15:46So, if you're listening out there, I want to let you know that you are not in the right room and we are getting ready to get into tonight's assignment.

00:15:56So, if you can shoot me a text message so we can get you everything that you need in order to come into the right room.

00:16:04And I want to say thank you so much to everybody out there who's still listening because we're getting ready to get into the song of the day.

00:16:10And, of course, we'll get into the assignment.

00:16:12And, of course, thank you so much for listening.

00:16:16I appreciate that.

00:16:17Song of the Day, Try Again by Aaliyah, released in 2000 off of the Romeo Must Die soundtrack.

00:16:27So, Try Again is a great inspirational song.

00:16:32I even heard Patti LaBelle sing it.

00:16:34Now, when I went to a Patti LaBelle concert and I heard her sing this song here, I said, this is it.

00:16:43Because for a great one like Patti, a veteran, a true veteran in a game, to sing Aaliyah's song when Aaliyah was still coming up, that's when you know that that song has surpassed specific areas and it's like a worldwide hit.

00:17:07So, that's what I got out of it.

00:17:08Whenever I see, like, a veteran, a true vet in a game, embrace the younger generation, I say you pretty much, you're on a good path.

00:17:19Not going to say you made it, but you're on a great path.

00:17:21So, this song here definitely exploded.

00:17:24Try Again, a great inspirational record.

00:17:28And there's nothing left to say about it except excellent lyrics.

00:17:33The production is amazing.

00:17:34And, of course, what more can I say about the late, great Aaliyah?

00:17:41I was really getting into her music during this time frame.

00:17:44You know, of course, I pretty much lost my mind like everybody else did when R U That Somebody came out.

00:17:52Like, that was it.

00:17:54I Need a Resolution, that's my joint right there.

00:17:57And, of course, Rock the Boat.

00:17:59Definitely love that.

00:18:00But the lyrics are amazing, like I said in the beginning.

00:18:05And if at first you don't succeed, then dust yourself off and try again.

00:18:11Just dust yourself off and try again.

00:18:15And that's with anything new in life that you're attempting to accomplish.

00:18:19So, for those of you out there, if you're stopping by for the first time, if you're catching this replay later on, and you're coming across, and this is new to you on this financial journey, this debt-free living, the only thing that I have to say is that if at first you don't succeed, you can dust yourself off and try again.

00:18:42And some of us have been in and out of debt several times.

00:18:44For me, it was about three times.

00:18:48And this last time was absolutely it.

00:18:51Because I knew that if I do this again, the chances are me, the chances of me getting out and coming out as clean as I did this time around while I'm in my 40s, I just, I'm not willing to take that risk.

00:19:07I'm not willing to take that gamble.

00:19:08So, for those of you out there who may not be where you want to be financially, it's okay to dust yourself off and try again.

00:19:19The most important part is that you're dusting yourself off and you're trying again.

00:19:24If you don't try, then that means that you're giving up and you're accepting the complacency in your life.

00:19:30Now, I'm going to take this thing on a turn because the word try, it takes it to a whole nother level for me.

00:19:40Now, for the sake of this song and to keep the energy of this song where it needs to be, I'm going to accept the word try tonight.

00:19:47Just for this episode, I'm going to accept the word try and my vocabulary to keep the message behind this song.

00:19:53But under normal circumstances, the word try is not allowed in my world today.

00:19:59You don't get to use the word try with me today.

00:20:03I mean, you can if you want to.

00:20:05But that will most likely mean that you're helping me make my decision whether or not to conduct business with you or not.

00:20:14I'm going to repeat that again.

00:20:16The word try is not allowed in my world today.

00:20:20And you can try it if you want.

00:20:22Try. You heard that.

00:20:23You can try it if you want.

00:20:25You can try using that word if you want.

00:20:28But that will basically help me make my decision whether or not to do business with you or not.

00:20:35But using the word try is not a good thing for me.

00:20:41Because either you're going to do it or you're not.

00:20:46There is no trying in my world.

00:20:49It's called a commitment.

00:20:52And therefore, after, there comes action.

00:20:56And then when action is taking place, that means you're standing on your word.

00:21:01Using the word try is an excuse.

00:21:04You're leaving the door open as an easy escape to be able to say, well, at least I tried.

00:21:13So think of some of the things that you have going on in your world.

00:21:17Think of some of the most important things that you wanted to accomplish, but you attach the word try to it.

00:21:24I'll try.

00:21:26I'm going to try.

00:21:27Be careful with using the word try.

00:21:33But for the concept of this song, if you do happen to slip up, if you do happen to have some issues, if you do have a splurging moment, if you do backtrack a little bit, just know that you can get yourself.

00:21:47You can dust yourself off.

00:21:50You can pick yourself back up.

00:21:51You can dust yourself off.

00:21:53And I know the record says try again.

00:21:56We want you to try again to get into motion.

00:22:04But then we also want to make sure that we limit using that word try, attaching it to the things that are most important to us.

00:22:13Because when you attach try, you're also leaving that door open to say, if I don't want to do it, if I want to stop short, if I want to hang it up, I can sneak out the back door and at least I can say I tried.

00:22:30But for the aspect of people who hit rock bottom and who are down, yes, please, get back up.

00:22:39Dust yourself off.

00:22:42I mean, it's just something about saying the word try.

00:22:45I just don't want to say it.

00:22:46But for the aspect of this song, absolutely.

00:22:50Dust yourself off and try again.

00:22:54What's going on, Snow White?

00:22:55I appreciate you out there on Twitch.

00:23:00What's going on?

00:23:01Thank you for joining.

00:23:05All right.

00:23:06Let's get into it tonight.

00:23:07My special guest has not joined, but that's OK.

00:23:11We still want to go through.

00:23:13Again, if you'd like to be a part of the mentorship series, if you want to come through and dissect these scenarios with me, please send me a DM on any of my social media platforms.

00:23:25You may also text me, 609-210-98.

00:23:30And you may also email me as well, info at laryngaines.com.

00:23:35So we're helping out Miss Sabrina here tonight, all the way from Chicago, Illinois.

00:23:43She says, Laren, I grew up in a house where struggle was worn like a badge of honor.

00:23:49My mom would brag about making it work with nothing, and my dad would laugh about living off of ramen for weeks like it was a war story.

00:23:58Now, here I am, almost 30, and I'm realizing I've been repeating the same cycle, but I'm calling it independence.

00:24:05I have a decent job making $56,000 a year, but my bank account says, excuse me, but my bank account stays in survival mode.

00:24:16I'll save $500, then blow it on a treat yourself weekend trip or designer bag for confidence.

00:24:23I tell myself it's OK because I'll figure it out later, but later always comes, and it's ugly.

00:24:30I've got $6,700 in credit card debt.

00:24:33My car payment is two months behind, and I just paid my rent three days late.

00:24:39Here's where it gets tricky.

00:24:41I'm actually addicted to the high of pulling myself up out of the mess.

00:24:45It makes me feel powerful, like I can handle anything, but it's exhausting.

00:24:50I know I should want stability, but part of me feels bored with the chaos.

00:24:55I don't even know who'd I be if my finances weren't a mess to fix.

00:25:04My question is, how do I retrain my mind to see consistency as exciting and not just survival as the only time I'm alive?

00:25:14And how do I break up with this toxic relationship I have with financial struggle before I hit 30?

00:25:24We're going to go through that again right from the top.

00:25:27Sabrina says, I grew up in a house where struggle was worn like a badge of honor.

00:25:31My mom would brag about making it work with nothing, and my dad would laugh about living off of ramen for weeks like it was a war story.

00:25:39Now here I am, almost 30, and I'm realizing I've been repeating the same cycle but calling it independence.

00:25:45I have a decent job making $56,000 a year, but my bank account stays in survival mode.

00:25:50I'll save $500, then blow it on a treat-yourself weekend trip or designer bag for confidence.

00:25:57I tell myself it's okay, I'll figure it out later, but later always comes and it's ugly.

00:26:02I've got $6,700 in credit card debt, my car payment is two months behind, and I just paid my rent three days late.

00:26:10Here's where it gets tricky.

00:26:11I'm actually addicted to the high of pulling myself out of a mess.

00:26:15It makes me feel powerful, like I can handle anything, but it's exhausting.

00:26:21I know I should want stability, but part of me feels bored with the chaos.

00:26:25Excuse me, part of me feels bored without the chaos.

00:26:28I don't even know who would I be if my finances weren't a mess that I had to fix.

00:26:33My question is, how do I retrain my mind to see consistency as exciting and not just survival as the only time I'm alive?

00:26:43And how do I break up with the toxic relationship I've had with financial struggle before I hit 30?

00:26:51Well, this is a lot.

00:26:56And I will tell you that a lot of us grew up with some financial struggles.

00:27:03And I've said this before.

00:27:06Anybody out there who has grew up with financial struggles have experienced any issues when it comes to finances, money as a child.

00:27:16It could really do a number on people.

00:27:20It could make you a better person.

00:27:23Or in some cases, it can make you a worse person.

00:27:25Or you might just say exactly and repeat the same cycle what your parents did, which, again, this is something that Sabrina is admitting.

00:27:33Now, unless we, at a young age, have been, I guess, sick and tired of the situation already, and we said it as a child, when I grow up, I am not going to do X, Y, and Z.

00:27:49I'm going to make sure that I dedicate myself to do whatever to make sure I'm not in this situation.

00:27:54It takes a specific individual to be able to do that.

00:27:57It takes a, I will say that again, it takes a specific individual to be able to do that, a special individual to be able to do that.

00:28:09Some of us, when we grew up in the 80s, we're my 80s babies out there.

00:28:16Like, when I see people from the 80s strung out on drugs, it's mind-boggling to me.

00:28:23Because if you didn't experience it within your own household, your best friend, somebody down the street, an uncle, an auntie, a cousin, somebody, you knew somebody, it was close to you, that was strung out on drugs.

00:28:41But, again, some of us, even though we experienced that, went out in the streets and did exactly that.

00:28:48Some of us were so traumatized and damn near destroyed by it that we stayed so far away from it, and absolutely not.

00:29:01Same thing when it comes to the financial aspect.

00:29:03Same thing when it comes to the mental aspect.

00:29:09Same thing when it comes to the physical aspect.

00:29:12If you have parents that were not showing you a great example of what it looks like to eat healthy and take care of your body, there are some of us that will repeat that same cycle and will end up looking, feeling, and being just like our parents because they programmed us.

00:29:29Some of us, that special individual, that specific individual, will look at their parents being in an unhealthy state, and they will say, when I grow up, absolutely not, I'm not going to do this.

00:29:43I will be the first one in my family.

00:29:48I will be the first generation to break this generational curse.

00:29:52So, when we basically go along with the plan that we were programmed with, we didn't agree to it.

00:30:03We were children.

00:30:04We had to basically do exactly what we were told to do.

00:30:08And in some cases, depending on your background, where you come from, big mama, auntie, took care of you, whoever, but sometimes we were told to sit down, shut up, stay in a child's place.

00:30:26A lot of our voices were taken away, depending on the situation.

00:30:35Right there, that's enough.

00:30:38I don't know who I'm speaking to.

00:30:40I'm only speaking from experience, but that right there, that's enough for me.

00:30:44And I have to say, absolutely not.

00:30:48Easier said than done.

00:30:51Because we have been programmed to do exactly what they wanted us to do.

00:31:00Same thing with the school systems.

00:31:02It is a big program.

00:31:05You are programming your children when you send them to school to get out and become slaves to the system.

00:31:13I know some people don't want to hear it, but it's reality and it's the truth.

00:31:26Sabrina grew up where struggle was worn like a badge of honor.

00:31:30The mom would brag about making it work.

00:31:32Sometimes that's not a bad thing.

00:31:34Like, dang, I was able to make this thing work.

00:31:36We didn't have X, Y, and Z, but I was able to make it work.

00:31:40You can celebrate.

00:31:41You know, some people were just born to be able to make things work.

00:31:45You can give us any type of situation.

00:31:47We can be in any type of adversity.

00:31:49And we're going to make this thing work.

00:31:52For a black woman to be able to make it work and have her family be able to get by.

00:31:59That's maybe not such a bad thing that she says she made it work with nothing.

00:32:03Because sometimes we had no choice.

00:32:08The dad would laugh about living off of ramen noodles for a week.

00:32:13Like it was a war story.

00:32:14Now, for a father to do that, I think that that's absolutely unacceptable.

00:32:19I think it's unacceptable to have a family that you were raising and you're going to laugh about living off of ramen.

00:32:31And now she, Miss Sabrina, is basically doing the same exact thing.

00:32:36Making it work.

00:32:39Living off of ramen.

00:32:41Doing whatever.

00:32:41Because she saw her parents live like that.

00:32:48That's basically a generational curse.

00:32:52You're repeating the same cycles over and over and over again.

00:32:57And when you bring children into the world, unless you decide to make a change.

00:33:01Unless you decide to do something different.

00:33:04Chances are that they will be worse than you.

00:33:08Your parents, if they live unhealthy, they're not doing the right thing.

00:33:11When it comes to their money.

00:33:12How they're showing up in a world.

00:33:14You follow suit and do exactly what they do.

00:33:18Your situation will be worse than theirs.

00:33:20And so forth and so on.

00:33:22As the generations continue to evolve.

00:33:28You say you have a decent job making $56,000 a year.

00:33:31But your bank account stays in survival mode.

00:33:33If your bank account stays in survival mode.

00:33:37Then there's a big indication that we have some spending and budgeting issues.

00:33:45Impulsive spending.

00:33:49Not knowing exactly where your money is going.

00:33:53Not having a game plan for your paychecks before they get here.

00:34:00Some people will just basically get paid.

00:34:03And they'll spend their money.

00:34:05In every 50 million different directions.

00:34:07And then at the end of the week.

00:34:10They're asking where'd my money go.

00:34:12Because there was no game plan set ahead of time.

00:34:15You said that you'll save $500.

00:34:24And then blow it on a treat yourself weekend trip.

00:34:26Or designer bag for confidence.

00:34:29So I have a problem with this statement right here.

00:34:33You'll save $500.

00:34:35Then blow it on a treat yourself weekend trip.

00:34:37Now being good to yourself.

00:34:40Self-care.

00:34:41That's not a bad thing.

00:34:43If you want to set yourself up with a sinking fund.

00:34:46And stash a few bills away.

00:34:51Stash a few dollars away.

00:34:53So that you can go on that weekend trip.

00:34:55So that you can enjoy yourself.

00:34:57That's not a big deal.

00:34:59As long as we're doing it.

00:35:00And going about it in a responsible way.

00:35:02Um, but buying, you know, getting caught up into the materialistic world.

00:35:09Clothes, jewelry, designer bag, shoes, this, that, the next, the other.

00:35:13To build your confidence or make you feel good.

00:35:17That's only temporary.

00:35:19And that's shallow.

00:35:20And nine out of ten times is that.

00:35:24And I probably just made that up with the nine out of ten times.

00:35:27But this is just me from my own personal experience.

00:35:31That after I got some of these things.

00:35:34After the excitement wore off.

00:35:37I was like, well, what did I do that for?

00:35:39Because now.

00:35:41We got this bill that's going to be coming in the mail.

00:35:44And did I really want to buy this?

00:35:48I was just excited about being able to purchase something.

00:35:51Being able to go through the motion of spending.

00:35:53And then when you get home.

00:35:57Then you realize.

00:36:00Confidence level is worn off at this point.

00:36:02What type of confidence is this?

00:36:03When you're living in regret.

00:36:06And you're second guessing yourself.

00:36:07And then now you're trying to figure out how to make these bills work.

00:36:12Good for 30 days until that credit card bill comes in the mail.

00:36:15So, this is just.

00:36:19I say we're entering into some mental.

00:36:25Mental wellness issues here.

00:36:27Mental health issues.

00:36:28When you say that.

00:36:31You're okay.

00:36:33With being in debt.

00:36:35You have $6,700 in credit card debt.

00:36:39Your car payment is two months behind.

00:36:41And you just paid your rent three days later.

00:36:44But you actually get addicted to the high of pulling yourself up out of the mess.

00:36:52That line right there.

00:36:54Let's me know that you have not hit your rock bottom.

00:36:57Not that I would want.

00:36:59To wish that on anybody.

00:37:01Because a rock bottom.

00:37:03Is not a great place to be.

00:37:06At first.

00:37:07I'll say that again.

00:37:09Rock bottom is not a great place to be at first.

00:37:14But if you sit down there long enough.

00:37:16If you lay down there long enough.

00:37:20And you realize, wow, I'm at the bottom.

00:37:23And there is nowhere else to go except for the top.

00:37:25So, when you're down there at the bottom.

00:37:27And when you get good and sick and tired of yourself.

00:37:29Because that's what it's going to take.

00:37:30Good and sick and tired of yourself.

00:37:34Good and sick and tired of your financial situation.

00:37:37Good and sick and tired of the credit cards.

00:37:39Good and sick and tired of the payday loans.

00:37:41Good and sick and tired of all of the bills that are piling up.

00:37:44And you have no idea.

00:37:45Don't know how you're going to pay.

00:37:47Sometimes.

00:37:49That's not necessarily a bad thing.

00:37:53Because the climb up.

00:37:56That climb up.

00:37:57Is an amazing journey.

00:38:00And when you actually get up out of it.

00:38:03You've learned so much.

00:38:05You've grown.

00:38:06You know what not to do anymore.

00:38:09You know what it felt like to be at rock bottom.

00:38:12And how sometimes it was damn near felt like a life or death situation.

00:38:19So you know what the struggle is.

00:38:20You know what the game is.

00:38:22So when you finally climb up.

00:38:23And you get yourself back up on solid ground.

00:38:26You know full well.

00:38:27That nah.

00:38:28I'm not doing that again.

00:38:29The fact that Miss Sabrina is okay with this.

00:38:36And she's addicted to it.

00:38:37She gets a high out of pulling herself up out of debt.

00:38:40That lets me know that she hasn't hit rock bottom.

00:38:43And again.

00:38:44Not that we want you to.

00:38:45Because if you can figure this thing out without hitting rock bottom.

00:38:48That's only going to make your situation a heck of a lot better.

00:38:51And you'll be able to bounce back quicker.

00:38:56Unfortunately some of us will not.

00:38:58Figure this thing out.

00:39:01The easy way.

00:39:03Some of us will have to go through some nonsense.

00:39:07Some drama.

00:39:08Some trauma in order to be able to snap back up out of this.

00:39:15It's called a financial setback.

00:39:18A life changing situation.

00:39:22An earth shattering situation.

00:39:24That will set you back.

00:39:26But if you do your work.

00:39:29And you learn your lesson.

00:39:31And you figure this thing out.

00:39:34It sounds like a great recipe for a setup.

00:39:39Because ladies and gentlemen.

00:39:41When I tell you that I had no idea.

00:39:44On this green earth.

00:39:45That I would be the person that I am here today.

00:39:47Speaking about the things that I'm speaking about.

00:39:52On this platform.

00:39:56If I didn't hit rock bottom.

00:39:58There.

00:39:58I truly believe that I wouldn't be here doing this.

00:40:01I had to go through the things that I had to go through.

00:40:04And the learning.

00:40:06And the growth.

00:40:07And listen.

00:40:08I'm still learning.

00:40:08I'm still growing every single day.

00:40:10It's amazing.

00:40:13It's amazing.

00:40:14It's priceless.

00:40:15And honestly.

00:40:17Even though.

00:40:18Like Sabrina said.

00:40:20Her situation was ugly.

00:40:22I understand.

00:40:24It wasn't easy.

00:40:25But I understand the process.

00:40:30I understand how I needed to learn.

00:40:32So I get it.

00:40:34And.

00:40:36I wouldn't change.

00:40:38I know.

00:40:39I know that sounds interesting.

00:40:40I wouldn't change.

00:40:41But I realized that.

00:40:42I had to go through these things.

00:40:44In order to learn the things that I've learned.

00:40:46If I say.

00:40:47Oh.

00:40:47I would have changed this.

00:40:49I would have done this.

00:40:50I would have done that.

00:40:51Who knows if I would be.

00:40:54A financial coach.

00:40:55Today.

00:40:55Who knows if I would have.

00:40:58The financial literacy.

00:40:59That I have today.

00:41:00I had to go through some rough patches.

00:41:02In order to.

00:41:03Figure this thing out.

00:41:06So.

00:41:07Sabrina.

00:41:08I say that you have not hit your rock bottom.

00:41:11And I would say.

00:41:12Be very careful.

00:41:13Because.

00:41:14Again.

00:41:14When you're 20.

00:41:16And you're in your 30s.

00:41:17And you want to pull yourself up out of debt.

00:41:19That's one thing.

00:41:21You're still young.

00:41:22You said.

00:41:23You're about to be 30.

00:41:24I get it.

00:41:25But as you get older.

00:41:28When you're in your 40s.

00:41:29You probably.

00:41:31Don't want to play games.

00:41:32After that.

00:41:3350s.

00:41:34You really don't want to be playing games.

00:41:36And anything beyond that.

00:41:37People who are playing games.

00:41:39In their 60s.

00:41:40I don't even want to even look at that right now.

00:41:42Because I can't even imagine what that would look like.

00:41:45And I would say that the concept.

00:41:55Or the.

00:41:56Or.

00:41:56Excuse me.

00:41:57Or I would say.

00:41:58How you have worded this here.

00:42:02You said.

00:42:03Here.

00:42:03Is where it gets tricky.

00:42:05I'm actually addicted to the high of pulling myself out of the mess.

00:42:08It makes me feel powerful.

00:42:10Like I can handle anything.

00:42:12But that's exhausting.

00:42:14And I'd say the reason why you say that is because you watched your mom do it.

00:42:19And.

00:42:20We all know that mothers are very powerful.

00:42:23They shape and they mold.

00:42:25And they keep us together when we're younger.

00:42:29And you know.

00:42:30Not just when we're younger.

00:42:31But.

00:42:32You know how powerful.

00:42:35Mothers play in a child's life.

00:42:39So you witnessed this growing up.

00:42:42You saw how your mom was able to make it work.

00:42:45So of course you feel powerful.

00:42:47Of course that this is what you've become accustomed to.

00:42:49Of course this is a regular routine.

00:42:52Amazing journey for you.

00:42:54Because you've been programmed to accept this.

00:42:56And.

00:42:57I get it.

00:43:02I say that we need to focus on a mental aspect of it.

00:43:06Because you say you feel bored when there's no chaos.

00:43:10Which leads me to believe that if your finances were on point.

00:43:13Everything was okay.

00:43:15You would feel bored.

00:43:17Maybe you would be unhappy.

00:43:19Maybe you are addicted to the thrill.

00:43:22Of cleaning up debt.

00:43:26High credit card balances.

00:43:31Listen.

00:43:32I don't know.

00:43:36I have no idea why anybody would want.

00:43:41To experience this.

00:43:42Because usually when people are in debt.

00:43:54It's not a good feeling.

00:43:56And they might be uneasy.

00:43:57They might be nervous.

00:43:58They might have some financial anxiety.

00:44:01They might be all over the place.

00:44:02Restless nights.

00:44:03Pacing back and forth.

00:44:05Behind closed doors.

00:44:06All types of stuff.

00:44:07Biting your fingernails.

00:44:09You name it.

00:44:11But you actually are saying that you enjoy this.

00:44:13Now you asked the question.

00:44:20How do you retrain your mind to see consistency as exciting and not just survival?

00:44:29And how do I break up with the toxic relationship I have with financial struggle?

00:44:33So now my response to this is that anybody can change.

00:44:41I'm not going to say that it's easy.

00:44:46But we all have the ability to change.

00:44:48It sounds like we will need to focus on a mental aspect.

00:44:59Reprogramming your mind.

00:45:04Re-evaluating your situation.

00:45:06When it comes to your friends.

00:45:07When it comes to your family.

00:45:08When it comes to your living environment.

00:45:10When it comes to just how you show up in a world.

00:45:13Big evaluation.

00:45:15We need to start taking inventory.

00:45:16Taking inventory and possibly getting rid of things that no longer serve us.

00:45:21People, places, material, things.

00:45:28How did you get the $6,000 worth of credit card debt?

00:45:32Why is your car payment two months behind?

00:45:34What kind of car do you have?

00:45:36Your rent is late.

00:45:38Three days.

00:45:39There's more to the story than this.

00:45:43But it's going to have to start.

00:45:46With the mental aspect.

00:45:48Because it feels like this one is weighing more weight.

00:45:51Than all of them in this scenario here.

00:45:55Because the fact that you're addicted.

00:45:58To struggle.

00:45:59You like when you are in debt.

00:46:02Because it gives you something to do basically.

00:46:06That.

00:46:07Again.

00:46:08I never claim to be a genius.

00:46:13I'm not here to give anybody any advice.

00:46:16I'm here to just give you my.

00:46:18Real life experience.

00:46:20My personal experience.

00:46:22For me.

00:46:23Personally.

00:46:28I would.

00:46:29If I was.

00:46:31Looking.

00:46:32If I was able to look at myself.

00:46:34Step out of my.

00:46:36Realm.

00:46:36And look at myself.

00:46:37And plant myself into this situation.

00:46:39I would say that Laren.

00:46:42There's some clearly.

00:46:45Mental.

00:46:46Health issues with this here.

00:46:49Some trauma.

00:46:50Trauma that happened from a young age.

00:46:54Struggling.

00:46:55As a child.

00:46:57Traumatize.

00:46:58You to the fact that that became normal.

00:47:00And now here you are.

00:47:02Showing up in your adult world.

00:47:04Doing the same exact thing.

00:47:05Over and over and over again.

00:47:07Repeating the same cycle.

00:47:11I'm almost to the point where.

00:47:14I would say that this require.

00:47:15May be borderline requires.

00:47:18Some.

00:47:21Financial counseling.

00:47:23See there's different between the.

00:47:25Coaching.

00:47:27Counseling.

00:47:28A financial planner.

00:47:29And a financial advisor.

00:47:33But when we start to feel.

00:47:35A certain way about money.

00:47:38To the point where it becomes.

00:47:40Unhealthy.

00:47:45You may.

00:47:47Be borderline.

00:47:50Being a good candidate.

00:47:51For financial counseling.

00:47:56Because I would say that this is pretty much disturbing.

00:47:59But you can break up with the financial.

00:48:09I guess the toxicity.

00:48:11When it comes to the financial struggle.

00:48:13The relationship that you have with financial struggle.

00:48:16You can break free.

00:48:19But again it's not easy.

00:48:21And it will take some time.

00:48:23And it starts with you first.

00:48:27Evaluating your own situation.

00:48:30The people.

00:48:31The places.

00:48:31The materialistic things that you have.

00:48:34Why is your credit card so high?

00:48:36What did you spend on?

00:48:38Some great evaluation.

00:48:39After we figure out what the root cause is.

00:48:45Where it's coming from.

00:48:47Do we have an expensive car.

00:48:51That's no longer serving us.

00:48:53Do we have an impulsive shopping habit?

00:48:57Are we addicted to shopping?

00:48:59Where's the money going?

00:49:00Why do we have $6,700 in credit card debt?

00:49:05Why is the rent three days late?

00:49:08Is it an income issue?

00:49:11Maybe you're not making enough money.

00:49:13And you just can't see past your own doing.

00:49:16Then maybe you might need someone to help you look at your financial situation a little differently.

00:49:22To help you identify that guess what?

00:49:27It's not that there's an issue.

00:49:29I can enjoy all of the things that I love to enjoy in life.

00:49:33However, I just need to make a little bit more money.

00:49:37This job isn't cutting it.

00:49:38Maybe I need to go to work and ask for a raise.

00:49:41Maybe I need to put in for that promotion.

00:49:43Maybe I need to just find a new job altogether.

00:49:45Maybe I need to start a side hustle.

00:49:49Maybe I need a second, third, whatever.

00:49:52Whatever the case may be.

00:49:58Everything is not outlined here in this letter.

00:50:01So we would have to do a little bit more research here.

00:50:08Again, I have no idea when your 30th birthday is.

00:50:11But yes, you can get through this.

00:50:14You can break up with the toxic relationship, as you call it.

00:50:19But I would say press the gas and go in really hard when it comes to the financial aspect.

00:50:30Reprogramming your mind to think differently about money.

00:50:33If you want to do this before you hit 30, looking at this letter here, maybe you might need to seek a financial counselor.

00:50:45Get some counseling.

00:50:47Maybe even get into some mental health counseling.

00:50:52Figure out what it was that triggered some of these issues as a child.

00:51:02Why is it showing up in your adult world?

00:51:06Again, I'm not here to give anybody any advice.

00:51:17I'm just a financial coach.

00:51:20You have to do your own due diligence and do your own research.

00:51:24From the outside looking in, I say the mental aspect of it is very important.

00:51:37Reprogramming your mind.

00:51:39Moving away from the scarcity mindset.

00:51:41Not doing what everyone else is doing.

00:51:44And not following the same roadmap that's already been laid out for you based off of somebody else's scarcity mindset.

00:51:56Moving more towards abundance.

00:52:01Not lack.

00:52:02Not fear.

00:52:03Not doubt.

00:52:03Moving out of the lower vibrational frequencies and start to tap into higher vibrational frequencies.

00:52:09You will be able to do that when you clean up your environment.

00:52:15Like I said, everything starts with self.

00:52:17Start to look at your circle.

00:52:19Start to look at your circle of friends.

00:52:21Look at your house.

00:52:23How is your house set up?

00:52:25Is it setting you up for financial success or is it setting you up for financial failure?

00:52:31Look at how your parents lived.

00:52:35How they're living.

00:52:36And then go back into your own environment and say, is there a big difference?

00:52:42Or do I feel like I'm at my mom's house?

00:52:44Do I feel like I'm at my parents' house?

00:52:46Does this feel like my situation here?

00:52:50Did I create this?

00:52:51Or did I basically just follow the blueprint that was already laid out for me?

00:52:55See, doing little simple things like that helps the mental aspect of it and helps you break free from any shackles and chains that you have been linked to.

00:53:06It's possible.

00:53:12Is it easy?

00:53:14No.

00:53:15Does it happen overnight?

00:53:16Absolutely not.

00:53:19Does it require daily, weekly, monthly?

00:53:24Oh, yeah.

00:53:25You got to grind.

00:53:26You got to grind.

00:53:27Affirmations.

00:53:29Visualization.

00:53:30Cleaning up your environment.

00:53:32Removing things.

00:53:37Speaking to yourself differently.

00:53:41Seeing it before it even shows up.

00:53:44Believing it.

00:53:45Faith.

00:53:46All of those.

00:53:47All of it goes hand in hand.

00:53:49It's possible.

00:53:53But it's going to take some work.

00:54:00And I say, of course, the spiritual aspect as well.

00:54:04Because you will have to pray and you will have to do your work.

00:54:12You may have to get a second job, third job, whatever you need to do.

00:54:17Remember, faith without works is dead.

00:54:20So, listen.

00:54:21As you are praying, you have to be working, too, to make it work.

00:54:25Dig yourself out of whatever debt you got yourself into because ain't nothing in life free.

00:54:33Yes, there are ways to maybe ease the pain a little bit.

00:54:36But if you put yourself in this situation, you're going to have to dig yourself out.

00:54:41And if you are looking for somebody else to help you out, to pull you up out of the trenches,

00:54:47to dust you off, without you doing the work and putting the footwork in,

00:54:56I'm going to head right back to the situation, if not in a worse state than you were before.

00:55:07Well, I say the mental aspect of it is top priority.

00:55:12Mental aspect.

00:55:13From there, I mean, I'm at a toss-up.

00:55:18Spiritual definitely is on the radar.

00:55:22But physical, showing up in the physical, spending money, weekend trips and designer bags, it's a lot.

00:55:32All four of these aspects will need some work.

00:55:37But I'm going to say the mental is top priority.

00:55:40From there, I will go on to the spiritual.

00:55:42I don't know from between.

00:55:44Yeah, I'll say from that, I'll go on to the spiritual.

00:55:46I keep going back and forth because the physical aspect of this here is a trip, too.

00:55:54I mean, it's really, it's a lot with that, too.

00:55:58Because you do the right thing when it comes to saving up money,

00:56:01but then when it gets to a certain threshold, you just black out and spend it all

00:56:05on designer things in the name of confidence.

00:56:16Wow, a lot going on here.

00:56:19If you want to chime in on tonight's assignment and let me know how you feel about it,

00:56:23maybe you are looking at something totally different from the way I see it.

00:56:30And that's completely fine.

00:56:32Let me know how you feel about it.

00:56:35609-200-1098.

00:56:37That is the official 4-in-1 podcast, Reading Between the Wines hotline.

00:56:41And again, that number is 609-200-1098.

00:56:49Now, if you want to chime in on tonight's burning question,

00:56:52please feel free.

00:56:54You can DM me on any of my social media platforms.

00:56:57I am on Facebook, Instagram, X, YouTube, TikTok, DLive, Twitch, Dailymotion.

00:57:02This is a moment where I say, take an opportunity to reflect.

00:57:07As I go through the burning question, I will ask some rhetorical questions, of course,

00:57:13as I go through.

00:57:14Take this opportunity to reflect.

00:57:18Take this opportunity to journal and to ask yourself these personal questions

00:57:23as you navigate through your own financial journey.

00:57:29Burning questions.

00:57:32How do you emotionally detach from family narratives about money?

00:57:38How do you emotionally detach from family narratives about money?

00:57:45I want you to think about your own personal life growing up.

00:57:51I want you to think about how your family felt about money.

00:57:58Did you come from a family that had an abundance of money?

00:58:02Or did you come from a family who experienced lack, scarcity mindset?

00:58:11It's a big difference between scarcity mindset and abundance.

00:58:20A scarcity mindset is somebody who holds on to every single dollar.

00:58:24And when they have to spend it because this is life and we have to do certain things like eat,

00:58:30take care of ourselves.

00:58:35When they do spend it, now they're in constant fear, turmoil, going back and forth.

00:58:42And it doesn't sit right within because they feel that there's not enough money to go around for everybody.

00:58:51Then on the other side, there's the abundance mindset where this individual knows that money is coming.

00:59:01They don't fear.

00:59:05They think very optimistic about the future.

00:59:08They can see it.

00:59:11They have faith.

00:59:11They can see it.

00:59:14Before it shows up in real life.

00:59:17So the question is, how do you emotionally detach from family narratives about money?

00:59:25I want you to think about your childhood experience because a lot of these issues that we have financially,

00:59:31when they show up in our world as adults, that is because of things that has affected us as children.

00:59:40We were either programmed a certain way and we didn't recognize that we were being programmed.

00:59:46We didn't recognize that this was a game.

00:59:49We didn't recognize that this is a trick.

00:59:53And we're caught up in it.

00:59:54And next thing you know, it's showing up in our adult world.

01:00:01Things like money doesn't go on trees.

01:00:07How many times have we heard that money doesn't grow on trees?

01:00:14When I was a kid, they would give us a dollar to go to, you know, the corner store back in the day.

01:00:22We had candy ladies back in the day where we could get candy for like a penny, five cents, stuff like that.

01:00:29And they would give us a dollar and we would black out.

01:00:33But as soon as we get the dollar, we spend it as soon as it hits her hand.

01:00:38And I remember my grandfather.

01:00:42I remember my mother.

01:00:45Everybody would say, boy, you let that money burn a hole in your pocket.

01:00:50Now, already, that's letting you know that once money gets into your pocket, it's going to burn a hole in it.

01:00:57And now it's gone.

01:00:59You don't lose it.

01:01:02Again, as a kid.

01:01:06So now what did I think?

01:01:10Put the money in your pocket is going to burn a hole in your pocket.

01:01:13Now, what I was ready to do is just spend it as soon as I got it immediately.

01:01:19I wouldn't even let it touch my pocket.

01:01:21I kept it in my hand.

01:01:23This is what I'm speaking about when it comes to family narratives.

01:01:26Things that have been instilled in us, programmed in us before we even knew better.

01:01:33A lot of the things that happen from a childhood experience, from the ages of the time that you're in your womb, your mother's womb, until seven years old, is very crucial.

01:01:52It's very important, critical moments.

01:01:55Because whatever happens when it comes to the programming of a child from that age, it will shape the way the adult world will be.

01:02:09So we're speaking about money narratives.

01:02:13What are some other ones out there?

01:02:15If you're watching out there, you can let us know.

01:02:18Drop it in the comments and let me know some things that you've heard.

01:02:21Money doesn't grow on trees.

01:02:26That's one of the biggest things.

01:02:30This one here, when people get the Bible twisted up and they use this, money is the root of all evil.

01:02:42Now, when you hear money is the root of all evil growing up as a child, when you get older, you will think that money is not important and you don't need it.

01:02:51Because having an abundance of money, you'll start to think and believe that that's evil.

01:03:02Money is not evil.

01:03:05People have it twisted.

01:03:07They have it confused.

01:03:10They're misquoting scripture.

01:03:13For the love of money is the root of all evil.

01:03:21To love money more than you love God more than you love people.

01:03:30That's evil.

01:03:32The love of money.

01:03:34Lusting for money.

01:03:35People who sell their soul just to get money.

01:03:43That's what you would call evil.

01:03:45So, emotionally detaching from family narratives, I would say, get yourself a paper.

01:03:59And this is for everybody out there when you're journaling to these burning questions.

01:04:03Get yourself a piece of paper.

01:04:05Write down all of the things that you remember people telling you about money.

01:04:10I just named a couple.

01:04:12Money is the root of all evil.

01:04:15Money doesn't grow on trees.

01:04:18Money is only for certain people, rich people.

01:04:22We ain't rich.

01:04:24That's only for rich people.

01:04:26You can't have...

01:04:27Write down all of the things that you have experienced that made you question as a child.

01:04:35So, hmm, think.

01:04:38Things that make you go, hmm, I want you to write those things down.

01:04:45Then, after you write them down, focus on turning it into the positive aspect of it.

01:04:54Because, again, this is probably...

01:04:59This is just my statistics.

01:05:03Statistics.

01:05:06Nine out of ten times.

01:05:07I'm stuck on this nine out of ten times today.

01:05:10Nine out of ten times, the things that you heard about money,

01:05:14especially if you come from a family that struggled growing up,

01:05:17the things that you heard about money are incorrect.

01:05:20They're false.

01:05:21There are things that was programmed from generation to generation that's just being passed along.

01:05:35And you, on the other end, have an opportunity to break the generational cycle,

01:05:41the generational curse, by changing your mindset, how you feel about money.

01:05:47A lot of us experience debt, and a lot of us go through some of the things we go through

01:05:56because our mental, our thought process about money is not healthy.

01:06:05That would be my recommendation for a step.

01:06:18Again, that is just a step.

01:06:19It might be a baby step.

01:06:22Writing things down is very important.

01:06:24You can speak a lot of affirmations,

01:06:27which I think that that's very positive as well.

01:06:29That's definitely key because your subconscious mind is going to pick up on.

01:06:37It picks up on everything, everything that you say.

01:06:41Whether it's good, bad, negative, this, that, the next, the other.

01:06:45And your subconscious mind has no idea whether you're telling the truth or not,

01:06:49whether you're joking.

01:06:50And it's going to pretty much put into motion behind everything that it hears.

01:06:57So you need to be very careful about the things that you say about money

01:07:02and also your internal dialogue, how you feel internally about money as well.

01:07:10That plays a part as well.

01:07:15Again, baby steps.

01:07:20I would write everything down that was negative about money that you felt growing up was told.

01:07:30Then on the other aspect of it, turn that thing around.

01:07:35Write positive things, even if it's not here today, right now.

01:07:42Because what we are experiencing today in our world is just the thoughts that we were thinking of yesterday.

01:07:50So if you want your financial situation to change, if you want your life to change,

01:07:59you have to focus on the mindset, the mental aspect about it.

01:08:07Having faith.

01:08:10Seeing it before it shows up in reality.

01:08:12When you're stuck in a lower vibrational state, staying stuck to these old family narratives about money

01:08:31and about life and about how we should conduct ourselves.

01:08:36When you stay stuck, that's exactly what happens.

01:08:40You will stay stuck and you will repeat the same thing over and over again.

01:08:45And you will not get any different results.

01:08:48You will get the same results that your parents laid out for you.

01:08:52If not, in some cases, worse.

01:08:54And then, of course, your children will repeat the same cycle.

01:09:02And in most cases, I said some cases, but in most cases, they will be worse.

01:09:10Until you decide to get up and take responsibility for your life and do something different.

01:09:16And before I get out of here, I would say one thing that helped me is hitting rock bottom.

01:09:25Not that we want to celebrate and we want people to hit rock bottom,

01:09:28but sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to do something different.

01:09:34Because when you hit rock bottom, you get low and you hit low and you can't get any lower.

01:09:40There's only one other way and that's up top.

01:09:43Either you're just going to lay down there and it's going to be a wrap.

01:09:45And I wasn't ready to give up.

01:09:48I have a hell of a lot more living to do.

01:09:50So the only thing I could do is climb myself up out.

01:09:55And when I got good and sick and tired of myself, I said, you know,

01:10:01there is nothing else that I can do.

01:10:06Because I have spent, I don't know how many years doing it the wrong way,

01:10:09trying to make this thing work.

01:10:12And it ain't working.

01:10:13All of the stuff that I was doing, it wasn't working.

01:10:18So let me just get out the way.

01:10:20God, please give me everything that you need to give me so that I can learn and grow and get out of this situation.

01:10:27I'm just going to go along with your plan.

01:10:29What is it that you want me to learn from this situation here today?

01:10:32Because obviously the way that I have been handling it has not been working.

01:10:37So please, what is it that you want to teach me here in this lesson here?

01:10:42Why am I here at rock bottom?

01:10:45I need to get this lesson.

01:10:46What is it?

01:10:47And let me tell you.

01:10:58I got good and sick and tired of myself.

01:11:00I would actually challenge myself.

01:11:06Nope.

01:11:06That's the old thought process.

01:11:08We need to do something different.

01:11:09Because guess what?

01:11:10You've been doing it for so many years.

01:11:12And where did it get you?

01:11:15So the only thing that you can do is think differently.

01:11:18Or else you're going to go right back to where you were before.

01:11:20And for those of us out there who have been through this struggle, come out on the other end.

01:11:31When you get out of that credit card debt, you do not want to go back.

01:11:38Once you hit rock bottom and you, yeah, you do not want to go back.

01:11:48Absolutely not.

01:11:48That's what I tell myself today.

01:11:54How do you emotionally detach from the family narratives about money, from your old family narratives about money,

01:12:00things that you have basically been programmed to believe about money as a child?

01:12:12And the key word, emotionally detach from it.

01:12:15Because see that, when you get all emotional, you get wrapped up.

01:12:19You know, I saw mommy do it.

01:12:21I saw daddy do it.

01:12:22They told me this.

01:12:23They told me that.

01:12:24One person wrote in and said that his father told him, don't speak about money.

01:12:29Don't ever speak about money.

01:12:30I mean, think about that.

01:12:39People, parents who tell their children that money is evil.

01:12:42Don't talk about money.

01:12:43Don't do this with money.

01:12:45That's a bad situation.

01:12:46609-200-1098.

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01:14:42On that note, I want to say thank you so much to everybody out there, hanging out there.

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01:15:28And on that note, I want to say thank you so much, and I will see you when I see you.

01:15:33You have a wonderful evening.

01:15:35Take care, y'all.

01:15:36Have a good night.

01:15:37Five, four, three, two, one.

01:15:43And that's a wrap on today's episode of the 411 Podcast and Reading Between the Wines,

01:15:48where growth is always on the menu and every pore reveals a little more truth.

01:15:53The conversation doesn't end here.

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01:16:29Until we meet again, take what you've learned, sip slow, speak truth, and remember, transformation starts within.

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Stop Romanticizing the Struggle | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 45)

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