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00:03So you're telling me the first time you made love, it was to a ghost?
00:07I said it may have been a ghost. She was very squishy and vanished into thin air.
00:11You think ghosts are squishy? Oh, we tease you, but you are funny.
00:15I'm gonna grab a couple more warm ones.
00:18Hey, Ty. Oh, wow. Do you always wear sandals on your boat?
00:22What? No, I'm just grabbing some beers and forgot to take them off. I'm not a monster.
00:28I cannot believe what I've just heard.
00:31About the sandals. I know. Way more boat etiquette than you'd think.
00:34And people are weirdly serious about it, too.
00:37No. You said I'm not a monster.
00:40Oh, well, that's just an expression.
00:42Few things upset me, son, but talking about monsters like they're a bad thing,
00:46or like they have anything to do with shoes.
00:49I don't think monsters are bad.
00:50I seem to remember that you try to ban monsters.
00:54Ban monsters? Me?
00:55I know what happened. You're misremembering.
00:57You know you have an unreliable memory from all the drinking.
01:00I do?
01:01Yes, you yourself have told me that a million times.
01:03You probably don't remember that either.
01:05I don't remember.
01:06There you go. And that's why, ironically, you've gotten it backwards.
01:09I love and respect monsters so much that when I was king,
01:12I was planning an enormous monster week.
01:14You were?
01:15Talked about it constantly.
01:17My God, I've judged you wrong.
01:19Well, what's stopping us from finishing what you started?
01:21You hear that, world? We're having a monster week.
01:25Are three monsters invited too?
01:27You bet they are.
01:32Maybe we should get out of here.
01:34No, I want to see if it happens again.
01:36You don't want to see if it happens again.
01:37Oh, my God.
01:40No, he's gotta be a demon in life.
01:44There's no one else.
01:44If you want to be a demon in life,
01:49I don't know.
01:50But it doesn't sound like a demon.
01:51I do want to be a demon in life.
01:53I mean, what's going on?
01:55He's gonna be a demon in life.
01:56I don't know.
01:57Well, that's a demon and a demon.
01:58I don't know why...
01:59But I don't know.
02:01I don't know.
02:03It's not a demon.
02:06Monster Week? Is that what it sounds like?
02:09Yes! A week-long celebration of monsters
02:11where everyone will have a blast
02:13and never again use the word monster
02:15to mean anything even remotely negative
02:17or having to do with shoes for whatever reason.
02:19Not quite clear on that, but I do now know it's important.
02:22And this is a plan you're okay with and not terrified by.
02:26Packing our streets with literal monsters.
02:29It was his idea. Planning it for years, in fact.
02:32Now, what fun things did you have in mind?
02:35Rules? Not because it's monsters.
02:37Because it's a week. There's always rules during weeks.
02:40You're throwing a monster week?
02:42Man, I wish I was able to help out.
02:44Bloodmouth's taking me to some hot springs.
02:45To turn her into soup and eat her.
02:49Just kidding.
02:50Although, I'm sure you'd be delicious, babe.
02:52Aw, thank you, babe.
02:54We're cannibals.
02:55Yes.
02:55Now, the hot springs are just a nice place to go
02:58with someone you love and have sex with her for a long time.
03:01Probably several extended sessions.
03:03Ready, babe?
03:03You bet, babe.
03:05Don't worry.
03:06Once the monsters arrive, you'll be having too much fun
03:09to be sad she picked that gorgeous cannibal over you
03:12for sex in a location that you can easily picture in your mind.
03:17We're gonna have the best monster week ever.
03:20You know monster week is a bad idea, right?
03:23It's a terrible idea.
03:24We can't have a bunch of monsters descending upon our city,
03:27which is why we're going to have to fake it.
03:29Hippo, can you make monster costumes so realistic they'll fall down?
03:32If he's as drunk as I'm sure he'll be, I'm insulted by the question.
03:36Let me guess.
03:37You want me to clear out?
03:38Gods make monsters uneasy.
03:40Yes, I'll stay away.
03:42Because you asked so nicely and I love you.
03:44Not because I have any respect for the principles being applied.
03:47Goes quite without saying.
03:48While I've got you in such an obliging mood,
03:51might you also keep Hermes away?
03:53Hermes specifically?
03:54My frenemy whose eyeball I gouged out.
03:56Who cages monsters and forces them to fight to the death?
03:59Yes.
04:00You know what?
04:00He'll be in Hades doing that pathetic sidekick of his bringing in dead souls or whatever.
04:05I'll go and distract him with something.
04:07Keep him occupied.
04:09Darling, you really are the best in the world.
04:12Yes, well, I'd be the first to admit that.
04:15Underworld exit!
04:18Monster Week is off to a great start.
04:20I see no problems with it at all.
04:23Would you agree, Dad?
04:24I'm seeing some monsters I've never seen before.
04:27I'm going to have to get to know them.
04:28Personally.
04:29Bodily.
04:30Oh, you should absolutely.
04:31But first, why not get much drunker?
04:33To the point where everything is blurry.
04:34Perhaps wiped out altogether.
04:35How does that sound?
04:37All monsters drink for free during Monster Week.
04:39Because nobody's sober during Monster Week.
04:42All weeks have rules and Monster Week's rules say drink up.
04:45Can't argue with any of that.
04:47Roar!
04:48Roar indeed.
04:50Son, you've really outdone yourself.
04:52And knowing you would, I've invited that investigative reporter you like.
04:57Tina!
04:58So, tell me.
04:59How did the guy who banned monsters end up throwing a Monster Week?
05:03I can answer this one.
05:04It would seem that you and I both have the same alcohol-induced false memory.
05:09Interesting.
05:09I smell a flimsy false memory cover-up just waiting to be blown wide open.
05:15Only story bigger than that would be...
05:17If these weren't real monsters?
05:20What would that even mean?
05:22People in monster costumes or something?
05:24What a ridiculous funny thing you're saying.
05:25I mean, it's amusing.
05:26I'll tell you what I've noticed already.
05:28None of these monsters are destroying anything.
05:30The night is young.
05:31I haven't gotten scratched once.
05:33Chivalry is not dead.
05:34The fire-breathing orcs haven't breathed any fire.
05:36New diet.
05:37And everyone is just walking around saying roar?
05:40Monsters do say roar.
05:41They don't just say roar.
05:43Plus, you're acting weird.
05:45But that's hardly a story.
05:47Yes, very well observed.
05:49I'll be right back.
05:57Guys, we have a problem.
05:58Tina's here.
05:59Oh, that is a problem.
06:01You two have a crazy history of romantic near misses.
06:04That's not the kind of Tina problem I'm dealing with, for once.
06:07In addition to being beautiful and fascinating,
06:09she unfortunately happens to be a very good reporter.
06:11What's Dad gonna think when she breaks the vase
06:13that there's no real monsters at Monster Week?
06:15She'll never find out.
06:16My costumes are incredible.
06:18I should be the head.
06:20Why should you be the head
06:21when you have such incredible butt energy?
06:24So, what did you have in mind?
06:26We might need some actual monsters here.
06:28If we could get just one, a harmless one.
06:32We got that last surviving tickle troll.
06:34Are you serious?
06:35That's perfect.
06:36Wait, tickle trolls are real?
06:37We are if you believe in us.
06:39Of course tickle trolls aren't real.
06:42Phew, that's what I thought.
06:43Oh, come on!
06:45Come on, let's think.
06:46Do we know any relatively gentle dotar monsters who exist?
06:50Mmm, Gargi the giant who can't feel pain?
06:52Gave me that special Gargi whistle you blow
06:54if you want to summon Gargi.
06:56Perfect!
06:57Yes, summon Gargi.
06:58He's very gentle when he isn't swinging that enormous club.
07:01Ah, still might not be enough.
07:03Maybe he knows some other gentle monsters,
07:05or not even necessarily gentle,
07:06just willing to be gentle,
07:08or just less monstrous as a favor to a friend.
07:11You could try to get some real monsters
07:13so Dad won't find out there's fake monsters
07:15at the monster party you threw
07:16to prove you're not as scared of monsters.
07:18Which you are.
07:20Or you could come clean with Dad and be done with it.
07:22Which, forgetting any other considerations
07:24like wrong or right or blah blah blah,
07:27it actually just seems a lot simpler.
07:29Just get the damn whistle.
07:34Hey, Tina, where'd my dad go?
07:37He said there was a sphinx he wanted to destroy,
07:40but the way he said it clearly implied
07:42he intended to mate with it.
07:44I would really like to interview some of these monsters
07:46and dig into why they decided to show up
07:47to a monster week hosted by a monster hater,
07:50but they all seem to be running away from me.
07:52That's curious, isn't it?
07:54Ab-ab-ab-ab-ab.
07:55Alleged monster hater.
07:56Nothing has been proven.
07:57And it's not curious, no.
07:59Monsters are notoriously shy.
08:01Except for...
08:02Gargi, the friendly giant who doesn't feel pain.
08:05Get over here.
08:06A reporter wants to talk to you.
08:07Now this is a real monster.
08:09Tell me more about your use of the word real.
08:12I just meant a real one.
08:13You know, he's the real deal.
08:15Anyway, it's Gargi.
08:16He's a star.
08:17Everyone loves Gargi.
08:18Big fan favorite.
08:20Like I said, he doesn't feel pain.
08:22Go ahead, stab him.
08:23Stomp on his foot.
08:24You're gonna love him.
08:24You know what?
08:25Maybe you could find something sharp to poke him with.
08:27Something good.
08:28Give it some thought.
08:28Okay.
08:30Gargi, spill.
08:31Where can I find some monsters real quick?
08:33Monsters who are willing to be cool, preferably.
08:35Seem to Gargi.
08:36Lots of monsters here.
08:37Gargi's friends at Monster Bar say,
08:40No monsters welcome in Crappopolis.
08:42But Gargi remember Crappopolis.
08:44Maybe Gargi is big softy Gargi.
08:47Softest Gargi around.
08:48Or maybe it's just impossible for Gargi to resist Gargi whistle.
08:51But Gargi think...
08:52Gargi, Gargi, Gargi.
08:53Monster Bar.
08:54Where's that exactly?
08:56Wow, spooky.
08:59Here you go, Care Bear.
09:01Delivering another dead one for you to process.
09:03Don't call Caron Care Bear.
09:05Only I call him that.
09:06And are you sure this guy's really dead?
09:07This again?
09:08Because look, I got a lot of live ones sneaking in and a lot of dead ones sneaking out.
09:12And do you think that's my fault?
09:13You're the delivery guy.
09:15I'm just saying, do you double check the doors on your way out?
09:18See if they close all the way.
09:19I'm sure it would be too much to ask that you give the handle a little jiggle to make sure
09:22it's locked.
09:22Oh, I can go faster than the eye can see.
09:24I can jiggle a handle multiple times, going back and forth, checking to see if it's locked,
09:27and then checking again because was it really locked?
09:30Not that I would do that.
09:32So you didn't jiggle the handle.
09:35Hello, boys. Long time no see.
09:38What is she doing here?
09:40What are you up to? Is it antics?
09:41Don't look at me. I have nothing to do with her antics.
09:44Well, you'll soon want to do something with my antics.
09:48I brought something very special.
09:52It's a pineapple!
09:54I figure we can section it and eat it together.
09:56That should take a long time. Probably a week, right?
09:59While your pineapple does look fascinating, we are in the middle of something here.
10:03No, I think we're done.
10:04He keeps blaming me for people coming in and out illegally.
10:07Because he's careless.
10:09Ugh, I'm so bored with this conversation.
10:10Anything fun going on in Crepopolis?
10:12I feel like it's gotten a little better over the last year or so.
10:15No, it's got worse. In fact, Crepopolis is cancelled.
10:19But look what else I brought.
10:22Aww!
10:24Aww! Look at you!
10:29This must be the place.
10:36Oh, boy. These don't look gentle.
10:39I think you're special.
10:40No. No, no, no. You got this.
10:44You're half monster. You can do this.
10:46Be strong.
10:53Roar!
10:54Was that supposed to be a roar?
10:56I'm sorry. My pronunciation is...
10:58Anyway, I'm here to ask you to please come to Monster Week in Crepopolis.
11:03Preferably in a spirit of non-destructive camaraderie.
11:07Seriously?
11:08That's rich. You banned us.
11:10Yeah, we know who you are.
11:12Okay. Yes, I may have at one point banned monsters.
11:16But if you know who I am, you must know I'm half monster.
11:21Is that offensive? I didn't... I... I actually... I'm here for my father, who's a fool monster.
11:28He's king now, if that makes any difference.
11:31I'll believe that when I see it.
11:33All we know is you want to corral us all into one place.
11:36What's that gonna be for, you think?
11:38Some hero's feet.
11:40No, there are no heroes at Monster Week.
11:43Oh, yeah? And, uh, why should we believe you?
11:47Why should you believe me?
11:49It's all been lied from the start.
11:51And all because I hurt my dad's feelings.
11:54And I couldn't handle it. I didn't even know it was possible.
11:57But it is, and I did it because I am a scared of monsters.
12:01And that means I'm a scared of myself.
12:04So please, come to Crepopolis as our honored guests.
12:08Exactly the way you are.
12:11This free beer.
12:12Why the hell didn't you lead with that?
12:14Woo!
12:15Woo!
12:16Woo!
12:17Woo!
12:17Woo!
12:20Yeah!
12:21Yes!
12:22Yeah!
12:24Yeah!
12:25That's salt.
12:27I don't know if Dad's getting sober or smarter, but he is definitely going to find out.
12:32Yeah, and Tina's going to lose interest in Gargi pretty soon. Everyone does. His only thing is not feeling pain.
12:38I mean, get a hobby.
12:39Where the hell is Ty with those real monsters?
12:42We need a huge distraction. Something that will change the subject for everyone.
12:46You know what would really get this party going? Typhon.
12:50God of all monsters.
12:51Don't discredit him. He's the monster of all monsters.
12:55Doesn't he destroy cities?
12:57With fun and devastating unprecedented weather events. But it's the fun that really stands out.
13:04That's it. Typhon. What are we going to do? Just be like, hey, Typhon. Want to come destroy our city
13:08so Dad won't think Ty's a monster hater?
13:11Why not just get Zeus to come and kill us all?
13:14No. We fake Typhon.
13:16Why'd you put your hand to your head like that?
13:18I don't know.
13:19Who's got a tummy? Who's that cutesy-woosy-tummy little tum-tum?
13:23Woo! I'm going to rearrange the spices in my bitch sister's kitchen.
13:28That. That right there. See? She's getting out.
13:31And how does she know how to get out? Did she see you come in?
13:33Dead getting out isn't even in my purview.
13:35Is it? You flopsy-wopsy little color bugger.
13:39I should go. I'm tired of getting blamed for Hades' problems.
13:43Even if it's hard to tear myself away from this sweet little pea.
13:48Wait! Why don't we train the puppy to guard the river? That might take some time.
13:53Why would we do that?
13:54And why do you say take some time like it's a selling point?
13:56Oh, selling point. Smelling sploint.
14:00Mm-hmm.
14:01Well, I don't see this little guy stopping anyone who really wants to escape.
14:05Good point. We're going to have to workshop a lot of ideas to get it right.
14:09Gotta start somewhere.
14:12I don't think that's a guard dog.
14:14Let's test it. I've been working on my mortal voice.
14:16I am a normal living human man who wishes to see his dead mother for some reason.
14:20Try to stop me, doggy. Come on. Chase me. I'm getting away.
14:24Yeah, that dog won't hunt.
14:26Damn it. I thought I'd nailed it.
14:28Looks like we've got our work cut out for us.
14:30Call your wives. It's going to be a long one.
14:36Okay, big isn't enough. We've got to go scarier.
14:39And I have an idea. I have an idea.
14:41You're really excited about having an idea.
14:44Seriously? A two-headed dog scares you?
14:46I'm not finished yet.
14:49Whoa.
14:49You know, after the second head got that response, I really wouldn't have gone for a third.
14:53But you took the risk of embarrassment, and it was worth it.
14:55Look at this scary sweetie pie.
14:57Wait, now I have an idea.
14:59It might be a little cliched, but what about snakes?
15:03You know, snakes from the head.
15:04Oh, or snakes for tails.
15:05Or snakes coming out of its back.
15:10Oh, that's awesome.
15:11I think I'm going to name him Chompy or Cerberus.
15:14You know what? Okay, his official name can be Cerberus, but his unofficial name will be Chompy.
15:17Done.
15:18Hey, Deliria, remember when you came up with the idea of making male mortals go bald?
15:22This is almost as fun as that was.
15:24It was just my idea for them to go bald,
15:26but it was your idea for it to happen in different ways
15:29so some of those guys don't even realize it's happening for years.
15:34See? It's fun.
15:36We're having fun.
15:38Sustainable fun.
15:39Let's try Sharper Teeth.
15:41He's perfect.
15:42Walk away.
15:43No, no, no.
15:43We're just getting started.
15:44What about nails?
15:46Great.
15:47Don't overdo it, though.
15:47Let me cook.
15:49How about weirder eyes?
15:51Killer instincts.
15:52Dramatic past.
15:53You're upsetting him, Deliria.
15:55No, he's having fun right along with us.
15:59Chompy!
16:00And you overdid it.
16:01Great.
16:02Hermes, where do you think he went?
16:03Well, this monster we've whipped up has three very sensitive noses.
16:07I'd say he's going to go to the worst smelling place he can find.
16:09Oh, no.
16:10Grab Opinus.
16:12Ty, look at you, surrounded by glorious beasts.
16:16Sorry, I'm late.
16:16I thought the parade stopped at the monster bar.
16:19You went to the monster bar?
16:20You deserve a drink.
16:23Oh, and don't look now, but there's a Gorgon in the house.
16:27Drink up, you misunderstood bastards.
16:30Join the party.
16:34Tina, how's it going?
16:36Learn anything newsworthy?
16:38I didn't expect to spend my monster week this way, but Gargi has a really tragic backstory.
16:42Have you really been talking to Gargi this whole time?
16:44Gargi didn't know how much he had to say.
16:46Gargi tapped into thing he never knew he could talk about.
16:49It's not the story I was looking for, but it'll work.
16:52My readers do love a sob fest.
16:55Is that who I think it is?
16:57Did you get Typhon?
16:58You crazy boy.
16:59Wait, did you really get Typhon?
17:02I guess?
17:04I guess.
17:07Woo!
17:07Oh, yes.
17:08Here we go.
17:09Forget Gargi.
17:10This is a story.
17:11For the first time, Gargi feel pain.
17:20Hippos!
17:20Hippos!
17:20Hippos!
17:20Hippos!
17:21Hippos!
17:21Hippos!
17:21Oh, thank God.
17:22It's just you guys.
17:23Really good job with the weather.
17:24I thought it was actually Typhon.
17:26Well, you're not dealing with an amateur here.
17:28I like to...
17:29Wait.
17:29You thought Walt was Typhon?
17:31I haven't started the machine.
17:35Hippos!
17:39It's me.
17:40I made it.
17:41Let's get this party started.
17:44I'm gonna get killed by Typhon.
17:46How cool is that?
17:49Adult children, get under my wings.
17:53Dad!
17:55I couldn't ask for a better way to die.
17:59Thank you, son.
18:00You're not gonna die, Dad.
18:01None of us are.
18:02I'm responsible for this.
18:03I'll be the one to fix it.
18:05What the hell is he doing?
18:07Is he gonna talk to Typhon?
18:09You don't even look at him!
18:10Just to hurt your eyes!
18:11I'll run like hell and die happy!
18:13Typhon!
18:14Who approaches?
18:16I am Tyrannus.
18:17And it is great to see you.
18:20You're...
18:20You're not scared of me?
18:23No.
18:23I'm terrified.
18:24But that's my problem.
18:26And what kind of a host would I be
18:27if I didn't thank you
18:28for coming to my Monster Week?
18:30Do you mean it?
18:31I wasn't sure I was welcome.
18:32I'm not usually welcome places.
18:34Since, you know, I...
18:35I usually destroy them.
18:37Are you kidding?
18:38I mean, yes, I had heard that,
18:39but the monster of all monsters?
18:41I don't just welcome you to Monster Week.
18:43I thank you for coming.
18:45Would you want to have a beer with me?
18:47You know, monster to monster.
18:49I'd love that.
18:53Oh.
18:54Great.
18:55That's my boy.
19:00So, you tried to fake Monster Week, but why?
19:03The thing is, I did ban monsters when I was king.
19:06You weren't misremembering.
19:07I should have just been honest with you.
19:09If only somebody had told you to come clean.
19:12Well, that would have saved him a lot of trouble.
19:14But then again, if he had come clean,
19:16I wouldn't have had the best Monster Week ever.
19:18You mean you're not mad?
19:20I mean, I've got to tell you,
19:21I really did learn that my perception of monsters
19:23was all wrong.
19:24Or largely wrong.
19:25Somewhat.
19:25In at least certain circumstances.
19:27What's the number one rule of Monster Week?
19:29That everyone is forgiven during Monster Week?
19:32No.
19:32It's no lessons during Monster Week.
19:34And to be honest,
19:35I did know Scott and Colax were in that Sphinx costume.
19:39I've only pretended to make love to them.
19:41Wait.
19:41Which part of it was fake?
19:43It was all real to me.
19:49Hey, Tina.
19:50So, how much of the real story did you get?
19:52If there's anything I didn't get,
19:54I don't even need it.
19:55I got plenty.
19:56Great.
19:57Promise me I'll never lose you as a source.
19:59These weeks always deliver.
20:00Although, I don't know why you call them weeks.
20:02I can't remember any of them being longer than a day.
20:04Well, no one can really say how long a week is.
20:06Can't they?
20:07Oh, my God.
20:11Chompy!
20:13Who have we got here?
20:15Schlub, I'm sorry.
20:16I tried to keep away as long as possible.
20:19Not a problem in the slightest, darling.
20:22I haven't seen a monster this good since you made our children.
20:26Good boy, Chompy.
20:31Look, babe.
20:32I'm telling you, I've boiled humans before.
20:35This water isn't hot enough to boil you.
20:38It's gonna feel great.
20:39It's not about that.
20:41I told you I'm cutting back on human, but all you packed were finger sticks and fried toes.
20:46I thought you'd like the sauce.
20:49You invited me here and brought nothing I can eat.
20:51That is so typical of you.
20:53I told you I'm on an all flesh diet.
20:57I'm sorry I forgot about you.
20:59It won't happen again.
21:01Can we please just get in the water?
21:02Fine.
21:03You go first.
21:04Happily.
21:05This is gonna feel great.
21:08Oh, it's so hot.
21:10I'm so scared to get in because it's so hot.
21:15Oh, it's too hot.
21:17It's too hot.
21:18I was wrong.
21:18I'm turning it into soup.
21:20Oh, my God.
21:20Blood mouth.
21:21Sarah.
21:22Promise.
21:23Promise you'll eat me.
21:25Seriously, what did I just say about cutting back on human?
21:31Did you get any of that?
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