- 6 hours ago
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00:13Danny, Danny, dude, dude, you gotta pick up the phone, bro.
00:16Danny, Danny, dude, no, dude, you need to hear what just happened at Charles' wedding.
00:20Bro, it was even crazier than we expected.
00:23Huh?
00:24No, dude, he didn't get a divorce, remember?
00:27This was like a second wedding, like a polyamorous thruple thing.
00:34Bro, and I just gotta decompress for a second before I give my speech.
00:37Dude, dude, this whole ceremony was this, like, new moon circle slash sound bath meditation,
00:48hoo-ha, to fucking plant seeds.
00:50I'm not even kidding you, bro.
00:51They literally gave us cups of soil that we had to plant eucalyptus in.
00:55And all three of them wore three rings each.
01:00It was a literal circus up there.
01:03Each ring had some kind of protective crystal in it.
01:06I was like, what the fuck are they, elves?
01:08Dude, this whole thing is taking place in this, like, warehouse next to a highway
01:14that looks like a fucking circus tent.
01:16God, like, where are you supposed to park around here, dude?
01:20And I'm not even kidding you, bro.
01:22Every single person here is gay, poly, and self-employed.
01:25I'm serious.
01:27This whole thing is turning me into a Republican.
01:30Dude.
01:31And they fucking saged the space.
01:34I nearly passed out.
01:35What even is sage poison?
01:38Imagine my parents right now.
01:41They're livid, bro!
01:44Dude, Kristen is here.
01:45Ella is here.
01:46It's like, yeah, of course they said no kids, but what was I supposed to do?
01:49Hire a babysitter back in New York?
01:52God.
01:53No, what am I supposed to tell my daughter about all this?
01:54That her uncle's a psychopath?
01:58Who are all these people?
02:01Dude, I'm telling you, Niddy.
02:03All these LA hippie people smell like shit.
02:05I'm serious.
02:07Natural deodorant doesn't work, people.
02:10No, they can't hear me.
02:11I am whispering.
02:14Plus, some mustache is playing piano right now.
02:19It's just, um...
02:22I just feel like Charles doesn't really trust me after what happened at his first wedding.
02:27No, dude.
02:28I didn't even do anything weird, okay?
02:31No, I drank the normal wedding amount.
02:35I just, you know...
02:37I got a little loud.
02:40We had a convo about it.
02:42So, I just feel like I...
02:46I feel like I really gotta blow them away tonight, you know?
02:49No, I'm not nervous.
02:51I'm the king of this shit.
02:52I'm gonna crush this.
02:54This is a room that's full of people who are dying for a best man speech.
03:00All right, dude.
03:00Yeah, I'll call you when I'm back in New York.
03:02All right.
03:03Yeah, thanks, bro, bro.
03:04Ew, dude.
03:05We don't say that to each other?
03:08Yes.
03:09All right.
03:10Okay, goodbye.
03:11Goodbye.
03:13Oh, I'm sorry.
03:14I'm just gonna go back to my seat.
03:16Sorry, I'm sitting.
03:17Sorry, I'm sitting.
03:18Sorry.
03:19Oh.
03:20I was sitting here.
03:21Is that...
03:22It's okay.
03:23You don't have to...
03:23Can we just, like, share it just real quick?
03:26Yeah, just...
03:27I'll just...
03:28Ugh!
03:29Just right here.
03:30It's fine.
03:35Do you like this song?
03:36I love it.
03:37You love it?
03:38It's my favorite.
03:39It's your favorite song?
03:40For real?
03:41No.
03:42No!
03:45Do you know what the song's called?
03:47I think it's Claire DeLune.
03:50Okay, sick.
03:51Yeah, you know...
03:52I don't know this shit, dude.
03:52I only listen to Tool.
03:56Oh, this is my favorite part.
03:59The end.
04:02Oh, man.
04:03Fuck yeah.
04:06There he goes.
04:14We don't have to clap so much for this.
04:17All right.
04:17Dude, hell yeah.
04:18It's okay.
04:18All right.
04:18I'm just gonna go, like, talk to people.
04:20It's cool.
04:21Are those Warby's, brother?
04:22No.
04:22Okay.
04:25No follow-up.
04:27Nice crotch.
04:28Yeah, no, thank you.
04:29Same, brother.
04:32How is this for you?
04:33Is this cool?
04:33It's fine.
04:34Yeah, sick.
04:34All right.
04:35Nice.
04:35That's it.
04:36That's all.
04:38Have you been to a Polly thing like this before?
04:41I haven't.
04:41You haven't, yeah.
04:42So, what was your favorite part?
04:45The vows?
04:46Yeah, the vows.
04:47They were crazy because they had the part where they spoke.
04:52To each other.
04:53To each other.
04:58Yeah, sick.
04:58You've done this before.
05:00Are you into the whole Polly thing?
05:01Yeah.
05:02How big is it?
05:03Maybe, like, four or five.
05:04How do you not know?
05:07All right, sick.
05:08Hell yeah.
05:10Did you hike here or did you take the unicycle?
05:12I took the unicycle.
05:14Was it your first time or?
05:15First time taking it to a wedding.
05:17Yeah, okay.
05:20What did you take one to earlier?
05:22Just work.
05:23And what do you do again?
05:24I'm a clown.
05:25Yeah.
05:29Clowns take unicycles to work.
05:31We all know that.
05:33Did you like the part where they spoke in Elvish?
05:35I loved it.
05:36You loved it.
05:36Yeah.
05:37Do you speak Elvish?
05:38A little bit.
05:38What's your favorite Elvish word?
05:40Martalli.
05:44And what does that mean?
05:46True.
05:50Wow.
05:53There's no way to fact check you.
05:57Hell yeah.
05:59Are you guys into the whole Polly thing?
06:01I assume you're together?
06:02Sure.
06:05We're researching.
06:06Sick.
06:08Love the vibe over here.
06:10Did you guys charge your crystals for this?
06:12Yeah.
06:13Okay, which ones?
06:14Like amethyst.
06:15Sick.
06:17Do you know your sun, moon, and rising?
06:20I don't.
06:21Sick!
06:22That's awesome!
06:24Oh, shit.
06:25It's almost time for me to get my speech.
06:31That's right.
06:32That's right.
06:34Now, please,
06:36direct your attention to the dance floor,
06:37where the group's brother, Paul,
06:39is about to give
06:40the best man speech, everybody.
07:08What's up, everybody?
07:08It's your boy, Paul,
07:10Big Dog, Rose.
07:11Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
07:13Where my little doggies at?
07:16Ow!
07:20I know half of you
07:21half as well as I'd like,
07:22and I'd like, like,
07:24half and less than half of you
07:25more than half as well
07:26as I'd like to deserve.
07:34So...
07:36Wow.
07:37Let's give it up
07:38for my amazing brother,
07:41Charles, everybody!
07:42Oh, my God!
07:44Wow!
07:46My baby brother, Charles!
07:49Okay, you don't, you don't,
07:50you can stop.
07:51You can stop.
07:52Honestly, it's too much.
07:53Dude, Charles,
07:54you remember when you were 13
07:55and I snuck you out of school?
07:56You mean to bring you down
07:58to your first improv show downtown?
08:00Dude, Mom and Dad,
08:01we're so pissed,
08:02but, like, it doesn't matter
08:03because look at you now, bro.
08:05An artist in L.A.
08:07An aspiring artist in L.A.
08:12And I'm just some
08:13fucking engineer in New York.
08:20Charles, man.
08:22I love you, bro.
08:23There, I said it!
08:24Okay.
08:27I said it.
08:29I'm honestly getting
08:29a little emotional right now,
08:30not even gonna lie.
08:32Dude, Charles, man.
08:34Charles is an entertainer,
08:35you know?
08:36He's a golden child,
08:38you know?
08:38He's a professional improv coach,
08:41you know?
08:41What would this speech be
08:42without a few laughs,
08:43am I right?
08:44Huh?
08:44Come on!
08:46Yeah, let's turn this toast
08:47into a little bit more
08:49of a roast.
08:50Am I right?
08:53Dude, you guys might
08:55recognize me
08:55because I look like Charles.
08:57I sound like Charles,
08:59but I have a little bit
09:00more hair.
09:01Even though I'm five years
09:02older and everybody's like,
09:03are you older?
09:04Are you younger?
09:04Are you guys twins?
09:05Are you guys the same age?
09:05Are you guys identical to him?
09:06Like, what the fuck?
09:07He's like, I'm older,
09:08but I'm more handsome.
09:11So.
09:17While Charles might not
09:18have a ton of hair
09:19on his head,
09:19he has a dense rainforest
09:21on his ass.
09:23Seriously.
09:24Seriously, dude.
09:25It is the hairiest butt
09:26I've ever seen in my life,
09:27and I was in five different
09:28fraternities in college.
09:30Not all at the same time.
09:31I got behavior stuff.
09:34Just know that when you
09:35pants with this guy,
09:36yeah, you'll be staring
09:37at a shag carpet, okay?
09:40Just know that when this guy
09:41gets the hair plug surgery, L.A.,
09:43yeah, you'll be staring
09:44at some butt pubes.
09:47What?
09:49That's what they're called.
09:55So.
09:59As you guys probably know,
10:01my brother Charles
10:02can't really hold his alcohol.
10:04It's true, bro.
10:05It's true, dude.
10:05You know what I'm about
10:06to say, bro.
10:07You know what I'm about
10:08to say.
10:08Easter 2019.
10:09Yeah, he pissed
10:10in all the eggs.
10:13Yeah.
10:13He might not remember
10:14it that well,
10:15but my daughter Ella
10:16certainly still does.
10:17Don't eat those
10:18jelly beans, sweetie.
10:19They're kidney stones.
10:22Dude, what a weird
10:23malady to have
10:24at such a young age,
10:25you know?
10:26And that was after, what,
10:27two, three beers?
10:28God, what a lightweight, huh?
10:30Is that why you're sober?
10:33What?
10:35We all know he's sober
10:36because he hit that kid
10:37with his car.
10:40What?
10:42The kid pulled through.
10:46We wrote a card.
10:51So.
10:54But is it,
10:55is it really sobriety,
10:56you guys?
10:56Is it really sobriety
10:58if he's still smoking
10:59that ganya,
10:59you know what I'm talking about?
11:01Yes, you are, bro.
11:02Yes, you are, dude.
11:03Nobody who's actually sober
11:04eats a Taco Bell
11:05more than twice a year.
11:06Okay, yeah.
11:07Baja Baja.
11:17Mom originally
11:18bought this guy
11:19girls' clothes
11:20because the doctor
11:20said his penis
11:21was so small
11:22they couldn't find it.
11:24It's not a joke,
11:25just a fact.
11:27Let's give it up
11:27for my amazing
11:28sister-in-law,
11:30Paige, everybody.
11:32Wow.
11:35Wow.
11:36Paige.
11:37Paige, dude.
11:38Charles and Paige
11:39make an amazing couple.
11:41Do they not?
11:41They really do.
11:42They do.
11:43They do.
11:45Yeah.
11:46Yeah, which is why
11:47we're all so surprised
11:48they're adding a third
11:49to the mix.
11:51Seriously, seriously.
11:52Paige, you have
11:53this brilliant mind.
11:54You're able to articulate
11:57complicated emotions
11:57with just one
11:59or two words
11:59at a time.
12:00How would you describe
12:01this momentous occasion
12:03shifting from a decade
12:04of monogamy
12:05with my brother
12:05to polyamory?
12:09Lustful.
12:10Lustful.
12:11Yeah, I get that here.
12:14Speaking of lustful,
12:15let's give it up
12:16for that spicy
12:17newcomer,
12:18Carrie, everybody.
12:19Wow.
12:21Carrie, you're going to
12:22have to figure that out.
12:25Yeah, Carrie,
12:26you really spice
12:27things up in there.
12:28Can you fix my marriage?
12:30Ooh, just give me a chance.
12:31Oh, wow.
12:34Meow.
12:34Okay, okay, Charles.
12:35You don't have to say anything, bro.
12:36I see what you're saying, bro.
12:38Boundaries
12:40is a word
12:42that he keeps saying to me.
12:45So my baby brother's
12:47getting married.
12:48Again!
12:50Well, this isn't really
12:51a marriage, right?
12:52This is a poly
12:53commitment
12:54schmagegy,
12:55a permanent threesome.
12:57Hot!
12:57Who doesn't want that?
13:00Hello,
13:01it's okay to laugh,
13:02people, okay?
13:04I know that we're
13:05in a sweltering warehouse
13:06on a fucking Monday night,
13:08but come on, guys!
13:10Let's lighten up!
13:12Charles and I,
13:12we can laugh about this kind of thing.
13:13Yeah, we're buds.
13:14We're bests.
13:16We're bests.
13:17Yeah, pound your elbow
13:18to my hand.
13:21That's like the normal
13:22thing we do.
13:23Yeah, dude.
13:24Charles and I
13:25weren't always like this.
13:26Yeah, back when
13:27we were a little, uh,
13:28I used to bully him
13:30a little bit.
13:30Guilty!
13:31Okay, you know,
13:32give him a noogie
13:32here and there.
13:33You know?
13:34Shoot him with the old
13:34Nerf gun.
13:36You know?
13:37Boy stuff.
13:38I used to be able
13:39to make this guy
13:39hide in the closet
13:40just by walking like this.
13:44You remember?
13:45You remember?
13:45Look, yeah, look.
13:46He's scared.
13:46Yep.
13:48Yeah, back in the day,
13:49Charles and his friends
13:50really knew
13:50who the big dog was.
13:57But, uh,
13:58Charles went to therapy
13:59and figured that all out
14:00and we're friends now,
14:01so.
14:02Oh, my God!
14:03It's fucking Andrew, dude!
14:05Holy shit, dude!
14:06It's fucking Andrew, dude!
14:08You put that on?
14:09Oh, my God, dude!
14:09We're gonna do that
14:10high five we always do,
14:11brother.
14:12Here we go.
14:12Ooh, ah, oh, ah!
14:14Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
14:16Yeah, take it in the microphone.
14:17Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
14:20Ow, ow, ow!
14:21Ow, ow, ow, ow!
14:23Ow, ow, ow, ow!
14:25Ah, ah, ah!
14:26Ah, ah, ah, yeah, yeah!
14:27Hit me!
14:27Hit me!
14:28Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
14:31Ah, ah, ah!
14:32Ah, ah, ah!
14:32Do you consent to this?
14:33Yes.
14:34Ah, ah, ah!
14:36Ah, ah, ah!
14:38Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
14:47Ah, ah, ah!
14:49Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
14:52Andrew, dude, that's funny.
14:56We'll do that again.
14:58Oh, my God.
15:00Dude, if you guys don't know who Andrew is, Andrew is my favorite of Charles' friends.
15:04No offense, no offense, weird hippies, I don't know, um, Andrew has my back no matter what
15:09I do or say.
15:10Uh, yeah, yeah.
15:12Yeah!
15:13Hell yeah!
15:14He laughs at everything I say.
15:16Yeah!
15:19And Andrew doesn't speak often, right?
15:21But when he does have something to say, it'll always knock you on your ass.
15:30Congratulations.
15:33Oh, my God, dude, that's some classic Andrew shit right there, dude.
15:39Simple, like, is he joking?
15:42Like, oh, my God, like, keeping us wondering, you know what I'm saying, dude?
15:46Andrew, I will literally celebrate anything you say into this microphone.
15:49Please do not make me regret giving you that power.
15:52Ah!
15:54Ah!
15:55Ah!
15:56Ah!
15:56Ah!
15:57Ah!
15:58Ah!
16:01Ah!
16:02Ah!
16:09So.
16:13Oh, my God.
16:14We have a surprise for you guys.
16:15Oh, my God, yeah.
16:16Okay, so, um, this was supposed to happen last night at the rehearsal dinner, but that ended
16:21up being a three-hour silent meditation in the dark with no food.
16:27So.
16:28Glad I brought my daughter to that.
16:30So, uh, some promises were made, and we're going to do it now.
16:33Okay, so, um, Charles and Paige and Carrie now, too, uh, they have this cat named Mookie.
16:39Come on.
16:50Oh, my God, yes.
16:57Oh, my God!
17:01That's enough!
17:05and my daughter loves this animal and obviously Mookie couldn't be here for the 12-hour multi-speech
17:13ceremony today so uh she wanted to share something in honor of Mookie tonight and now's your moment
17:19sweetie Ella yeah where are you sweetie all right yeah it's my daughter Ella come on up here
17:28sweetheart wow instant can I give you a hug yeah come here sweetheart oh my god this is my uh
17:39you just
17:39turned seven okay and Ella's favorite animal in all the world is Mookie very close
17:50and uh in school you've been learning all about
17:53african poetry cool um and so as a family we've actually been reading this uh book we've been
18:01actually reading this book as a family um sweetheart did you did you bring the book sorry here you're
18:07gonna have to put that up did you bring the book I forgot it you forgot it yeah but you
18:13said you
18:13were gonna bring it I'm sorry wait wait sorry it's not enough this is your daughter's big moment I
18:17didn't where did we leave it what do you mean where do we leave it it's your job everything's
18:22my job now just this do you see you see the sweat on my face I can't do this with
18:28you right now I
18:28can't I can't I can't I can't do this I'm in front of everyone in front in front in front
18:33in front
18:33in front you want to do this you want to do this no no you no you Dr. Rosen says
18:38you need to respect
18:39okay don't talk about
18:42do not mention that man we don't talk about Dr. Rosen okay that's my lovely wife Kristen everybody
18:47Don't clap. Don't clap.
18:49She gets enough of that at work.
18:51She's a first responder.
18:52Okay.
18:54So, we're going to do it without the book.
18:57I'll just describe the book.
18:59The book is, we've been reading this book as a family.
19:01It's called Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats
19:03by T.S. Eliot, who's a famous British person.
19:06Yeah, and this is a collection of cat poems.
19:10And because Ella loves Mucky and she loves poetry,
19:13she decided to write a poem in the style of T.S. Eliot
19:17all about Mucky.
19:23Now, in this book, every cat has a job.
19:28Mr. Mistoffelees is a conjurer.
19:33Skimbleshanks is a railway cat.
19:37So, Ella decided that Mucky would be a...
19:40Mucky.
19:41...journalist.
19:44Did you say Looky?
19:46Okay.
19:48She's 10.
19:49Yeah, no, it's true.
19:51And so, because he's so curious, okay?
19:53And now she's going to share this poem with everybody right now.
19:56So, babe, this is your moment.
19:58Oh, no.
19:58I'm nervous, Gabby.
19:59That's okay, sweetheart.
20:02You're okay.
20:03You're going to be great.
20:03I'm just going to kneel over here next to my brother.
20:07Okay.
20:08Ready?
20:09This is Mucky.
20:11Looky, looky.
20:12Into the microphone, sweetheart.
20:13Oh, sorry, Daddy.
20:19I'm her daddy.
20:21I am her daddy.
20:24Looky, looky.
20:25It's cute, fluffy Mucky.
20:27He's not a cop, a robber, a dog, or a bookie.
20:32So, sit a moment.
20:33I'm so sorry.
20:33Can we pause real quick?
20:34Yes.
20:34You're doing so well, babe.
20:35You're doing so well.
20:36Didn't you want to sing this?
20:37Oh, no.
20:38Oh, you did.
20:39You did, actually.
20:40You did want to sing this.
20:41That's why you got on your feet so quickly.
20:43Okay.
20:44Um, I don't know if you guys knew this, but Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, who's a famous British
20:49person, he actually adapted this book into an award-winning 2019 film called Cats the
20:54Musical.
20:56My daughter thinks that that's objectively Sir Ian McKellen's best work, and she wanted
21:02to sing this poem like the sexy cats from that film.
21:06Um, okay, so can we do your vocal warm-up, sweetheart?
21:10I'm not sure.
21:11Oh.
21:14Perfect.
21:14Perfect.
21:16Perfect.
21:17Perfect.
21:18Uh, and can we get the videographer, can we get close on this?
21:21This is important, okay.
21:22We'll take it from the top, and we'll get the music just as we rehearsed it, all the
21:26way from the top.
21:26It's not even that long.
21:27Okay, here we go, sweetheart.
21:28Okay, uh, DJ Sam, can we start it with the track, please?
21:37Lookie, lookie, it's cute, fluffy, mookie.
21:39It's not a cop, a robber, a dog, or a boogie.
21:44Okay, so sit a moment and remove your hat and read about the fighting conniving.
21:51I'm sorry, can we pause real quick?
21:51Can we pause?
21:52Can we pause the music?
21:52I'm sorry.
21:53No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're doing so well.
21:55You're doing those, where's the costume, sweetheart?
21:59You forgot, no, yeah, right, it's in your backpack.
22:01Right, um, what's your favorite color again?
22:04Pink.
22:04All of them.
22:05Um, is there a rainbow-inspired, um, like, Lisa Frank-esque backpack?
22:10Can you pass that up to the front?
22:11Yes, please, just go ahead and pass it.
22:12Yeah, okay, yeah, you're great, great.
22:13Thank you so much.
22:14Okay, yeah, just go ahead.
22:15I'm sorry.
22:17Just go ahead and put your costume on, sweetheart.
22:19It's, um, your mother spent a lot of money on this.
22:21Yeah, she did.
22:22There's a, there's a big piece, and then there's two.
22:23Yeah, no, well, you decided you wanted to do this.
22:28You volunteered so fast.
22:29No one's ever volunteered that fast before.
22:33Sorry, sorry that, sorry this is turning into a whole thing, everybody.
22:36This was Kristen's idea.
22:38Yes, it was.
22:39It was your idea.
22:41Don't, no, it was your idea.
22:43I never wanted her to do this.
22:44Yes, you did.
22:45You said, no, I said she can do it if she wants.
22:47Yeah, but she, no, but I'm pushing her because I want her to succeed.
22:51Well, okay, you know a lot about success, huh?
22:52Yeah, oh, yeah, well, I...
22:56Kristen, I know a lot, I watch a lot of successful people and study them on Reddit.
23:01Well, yeah, and I'm sure they're all doing just as well as you are.
23:04Okay, well, Kristen, I happen to be writing a very big application that's going out on Monday.
23:10How can you write if you can't read?
23:11Okay.
23:14Okay.
23:15Easy shot.
23:16I haven't read a book in 15 years, okay?
23:23We'll take it from the bold part.
23:25Okay.
23:26Okay, and what I want you to do here, you can actually hold the microphone in the other hand
23:29and let's see that choreography that you've been working on.
23:32Oh, yeah.
23:32And, um, um, um, can Ali, um, yeah, yeah, yeah, Ashley, could we just actually get, like, big?
23:38Can you make this big, you know what I mean?
23:39Like, um, like Avengers, like Christopher Nolan, you know what I'm saying?
23:42Yeah.
23:43Okay, okay, perfect.
23:44Okay, okay, perfect.
23:45All right, um, DJ Sam from the big part, please, thank you.
23:51But that's not all.
23:53He's a monster.
23:54He's a killer.
23:55He slices.
23:56He screams.
23:57He's a terror.
23:59The bringer of death and blood.
24:01Who can a cat sitter even escape?
24:04He will hurt you.
24:05He will want you.
24:07Terrorize you.
24:09The bringer of death and blood.
24:11Whom a cat sitter wants and a haunt and a burn and a daunt and a kill you, he will
24:17die.
24:17You will die at the claws of the furry cat.
24:23Woo!
24:24Meow!
24:26You have cute, fluffy monkey!
24:33Wow.
24:36Let's give it up one more time for my daughter, Ella, everybody.
24:40All right, um, you can do that.
24:43You can, you can, you can just take this that way and just, yeah, okay, sweetheart.
24:46Yeah, let Uncle Steve take care of you over there, okay?
24:50Great.
24:50Wow.
24:51Wow.
24:52Am I right?
24:52My baby daughter, huh?
24:54Wow.
24:57Ella, she came up with that choreography herself, okay?
25:00Uh, wow.
25:01As you guys probably noticed, there's a videographer here.
25:05Uh, yeah.
25:06That's my gift to you, Charles, okay?
25:09That was supposed to be a, a secret.
25:11Uh, that's why I didn't get them to come until now.
25:15Uh.
25:20Which means we did forget to get the, uh, ceremony, but.
25:27But, uh, you know, who, who wants to watch that again anyway, you know what I mean?
25:30Like, that's, it's like, it was great, but you didn't, you know, you just get, you had
25:33a guy to be there, you know what I mean?
25:35But this, this is the real show, okay?
25:38This is the thing you want to see over and over and over again and, uh, tell people about
25:43it.
25:43And if you write something about it publicly online, please be nice to me.
25:46I worked so hard, okay?
25:48Yeah.
25:49Okay.
25:50That's, this is, this is what we want to rewatch.
25:53Um, Paige, you've got that exciting, incredible, high-level mind.
25:59You're able to articulate these complicated things poetically.
26:03Um, your, your cat Mookie, you know, is kind of polarizing.
26:06You know, he could be fluffy.
26:07He could be really evil sometimes.
26:09How would you describe the temperament of your cat?
26:11Oh, debatable.
26:13Debatable.
26:14Yeah.
26:15Debatable.
26:16What a perfect word.
26:18I feel like I'm, I'm like hanging out with Charles Dickens.
26:22Debatable.
26:23Um, Carrie, um, you know, Mookie can be a little tough to newcomers and you're new, of course.
26:28Um, has that been a problem with you or do you like it, Ruff?
26:31Ooh, I can make anything per.
26:33Oh, my God.
26:36Wow.
26:37I like this woman.
26:39Okay.
26:39Okay.
26:40Charles.
26:40Okay.
26:40Charles.
26:41Charles.
26:41You don't have to say anything, bro.
26:42You don't have to say anything, bro.
26:43I know what you're thinking, bro.
26:44I know what you're thinking.
26:45You're thinking, move it along, Paul.
26:46Get to the good part.
26:47Okay.
26:47I've been on stage for literally two minutes.
26:50Okay.
26:50Seriously.
26:51I can see.
26:52I have the clock.
26:52Don't look.
26:53There's been two minutes.
26:54Okay.
26:54And that was Ella's thing.
26:55That wasn't my thing.
26:57You gotta give me a chance to do my thing.
26:59My thing.
27:12I forgot the words of what comes next.
27:15But that's okay.
27:16I'm not really a performer.
27:18I'm an engineer.
27:20An engineer who can't read.
27:23Okay.
27:24Okay.
27:26Okay.
27:26So that's fine.
27:28I'm just going to consult the notes real quick.
27:31Okay.
28:02Okay, great.
28:05You might recognize me because I look like Charles.
28:07I sound like Charles, but I have a little bit more hair.
28:11Did I say that part already?
28:13Oh, I did. Okay.
28:15Let's sit here.
28:17Oh, Charles has a micropenis, according to the doctor.
28:22I said that.
28:27You know what?
28:29It's time to throw away the words.
28:32Speak from the heart.
28:34It's okay.
28:35This is when speeches usually get good.
28:38Speak from the heart.
28:49Oh, my God.
28:50Look at all these gifts, huh?
28:52Here we go.
28:59Wow, some cool stuff here.
29:02I wonder what all this stuff is.
29:06Oh, okay.
29:08Somebody might not want to shake that one.
29:10That sounds expensive.
29:13Sick here.
29:14It's cool.
29:15Cool stuff.
29:17It's pretty cool, aren't you?
29:18Whoa!
29:23Somebody should clean that up.
29:31No.
29:33Oh, my God, dude.
29:34Oh, my God.
29:34Are you kidding me?
29:35I recognize this handwriting anywhere.
29:38You got a letter from Mrs. Kramer, bro?
29:41Oh, my God, dude.
29:42She was my favorite teacher in high school.
29:44Dude, she always used to say I was the funniest student she's ever had.
29:47Dude, let's read this together.
29:49Oh, my God.
29:50Yes, Mrs. Kramer, saving the day again.
29:53Fuck this mic stand, though.
29:59Oh, God.
30:07Get in there!
30:09Get in there!
30:35Oh, my God!
30:44It's okay.
30:47Here we go, dude.
30:49Oh, oh, oh, oh.
30:50Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
30:52Get in!
30:53Get in!
31:10We're going to do it without a mic stand.
31:18Oh.
31:18Oh.
31:23He owes me.
31:26I'm still paying for Xbox Live.
31:32Dear Charles,
31:34congratulations on this beautiful occasion.
31:37Yada, yada, yada.
31:39I'm so thrilled for you.
31:41Even when you were young,
31:42I knew you were a trailblazer.
31:47It must have been so tough
31:49following the huge,
31:51dominating personalities in your family.
31:53You know who I'm talking about.
31:57But you really stood head and shoulders
31:59above the crowd.
32:01You're the funniest student I ever had
32:02in my decades of teaching.
32:03Okay, no.
32:12I used to be the creative one in the family.
32:15That's true.
32:16But no one said that
32:17ever since Charles came along.
32:19Isn't that right?
32:20Dad?
32:22That's right.
32:23Charles and my father.
32:24Paul Senior, everybody.
32:25Don't clap.
32:26Don't clap.
32:27He gets enough of that on Veterans Day.
32:31If you guys think my brother Charles
32:33is such a creative genius,
32:34which he is,
32:35you should hear my screenplay idea.
32:37Okay?
32:37It's, okay.
32:38Imagine if they made a Marvel Cinematic Universe,
32:41but about...
32:42Okay!
32:43How about that toes?
32:45Now, let's hear from the bride.
32:47No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
32:50I'm not done yet.
32:52I don't know when I'll be done,
32:53but I know I'll know what it feels like
32:54to be done,
32:55and I don't feel that way yet.
32:56So F off, DJ!
32:57Shit!
33:01I don't get paid enough.
33:06Charles.
33:07Charles, dude, I'm not...
33:09I'm not being rude to the DJ, bro.
33:12He's trying to cut me off.
33:14What, are you trying to...
33:16impose some kind of rules on me right now?
33:18What, is your...
33:19one of your pacifist friends
33:20gonna yank me off the stage with a cane?
33:23According to you, there are no rules.
33:25Yeah!
33:26You can just have two wives
33:28and not a real job
33:30and flit about on the wind
33:31calling yourself sober
33:33but still smoke that pot-o-wanna.
33:36Yes, you do, bro, dude.
33:38It's cool.
33:38I can joke about this thing.
33:39Don't get so sensitive, bro.
33:41I'm just kidding, dude.
33:42I'm just kidding.
33:46How bad do you want me
33:47to get off the stage right now, baby, bro?
33:50You don't have to say anything!
33:53Because I know how you feel.
33:55But you get who has the microphone.
34:01And I'm not drunk, okay?
34:04If you were wondering
34:06if I was drunk,
34:09I'm not gonna ruin your wedding
34:11and hijack the first dance
34:13and do a bunch of interpretive dance
34:15and then collapse in the floor
34:17in the fetal position crying.
34:18God, I did that one time.
34:20I did that one time.
34:21And you forget everything
34:22I've ever done for you.
34:25Who calmed Mom down
34:27before this circus?
34:31Her own mother, Charles.
34:34Mama, stop crying, Mama.
34:36Mama!
34:39Mama!
34:40Mama, stop crying, Mama!
34:42It's getting louder, Mama!
34:46She's getting frantic!
34:50And now she's doing
34:51that crazy yodel cry she does.
35:00And now she's doing
35:01that crazy pirate cry she does.
35:06And now she's doing
35:07that, like, freestyle,
35:08your choice kind of cry.
35:10Oh.
35:13Her own mother, Charles.
35:16Her mother.
35:22She wants to support you,
35:24but she doesn't get
35:25the whole poly thing.
35:27And Dad?
35:28He hasn't been sleeping.
35:30But you!
35:32You live in fancy L.A. City
35:34with your fancy time difference.
35:37But me?
35:38I live down the street
35:39from these two
35:40who are sitting
35:40an awkward distance apart.
35:43So I've had to do
35:45what I always do.
35:46go to bat for you,
35:48stand up for you.
35:49I put up with
35:49their confusion and rage
35:50so that you can remain
35:51a member of this family.
35:53Whatever happened to
35:54honor thy father
35:55and thy mother, Broseph?
35:59This man went
36:00to Desert Storm.
36:04As you can see.
36:07Dad, I can see.
36:09You're furious right now.
36:11Yes.
36:11No!
36:14When he's furious,
36:15he's extremely literal.
36:18Charles, stay out of this.
36:20No.
36:20Dad?
36:21Charles?
36:23Dad?
36:24Yes.
36:25Charles?
36:25No.
36:25Mama?
36:26Dad?
36:27Charles?
36:29Paige?
36:29Carrie?
36:30Charles?
36:31Paige?
36:31Carrie?
36:32Dad?
36:33Mama?
36:34Enough!
36:37Enough!
36:39Enough!
36:40Enough!
36:46I'm still toasting!
36:55I'm sorry.
36:57I know this is a celebration
36:59of love and all that.
37:05Wait a minute.
37:06You know what?
37:07I'm not sorry.
37:10Because I'm showing you
37:11what real love looks like.
37:13Yeah.
37:14Charles, you moved away
37:15and you never call.
37:17And then one day
37:18an invite showed up
37:19on our door
37:20and we came.
37:21No questions asked.
37:22That's love.
37:23Love is commitment.
37:25I use all my frequent flyer miles
37:27and credit card points
37:28to be here.
37:30Me and Kristen
37:31took four vacation days each.
37:33We're staying at an Airbnb
37:35in Frogtown
37:37because my daughter
37:38loves frogs
37:39and we haven't seen
37:40a single amphibian
37:41the whole time
37:41we've been here
37:42and I don't give a shit
37:43about any of that shit
37:44because all I care about
37:45is crudging dead speech.
37:47Love conquers all my ass.
37:50My significantly less hairy ass.
37:55Ooh.
37:57Bad man up there.
37:59Spitting truth.
38:02No.
38:05I'm the best man.
38:11You guys are so cute.
38:13Seriously.
38:14You're really cute together.
38:16You are.
38:18But let's call it
38:19what it is, you three.
38:21Adultery.
38:22It is.
38:24You're flaunting
38:25your infidelity
38:26trying to make me feel weird
38:28for being loyal to my wife?
38:30Don't you think
38:31I want to fuck
38:32whoever I want?
38:32But I don't.
38:35Where's my reward?
38:37Me and Kristen
38:37barely ever have sex
38:39and to be clear
38:39that's totally fine.
38:41That's fine.
38:41Nobody's having sex, okay?
38:43There's studies about it.
38:44Raise your hand
38:44if you have sex
38:45more than once a month.
38:47No, mama.
38:50Liar.
38:50Liar.
38:51Liar.
38:52Liar.
38:52Liar.
38:53Well, maybe not you.
38:56Kristen, seriously,
38:58it's been so long.
38:59When's the last time
39:00we had sex?
39:01Before COVID?
39:02Before.
39:05Before COVID.
39:09Do you remember the occasion?
39:11COVID.
39:15That's right.
39:16That's right.
39:17The second that
39:18we were on Twitter
39:19at the time
39:20and then the second
39:21that the numbers hit
39:22The second the numbers hit
39:24you finished.
39:26When I came.
39:28See, okay,
39:29that's my sex life, okay?
39:30That's what that's
39:31but you know what?
39:32But like the thing is
39:34relationships are not all
39:36just about physical interaction,
39:38you guys.
39:39Okay, me and Kristen,
39:40we got a system, okay?
39:42I get Ella in the morning,
39:44she gets her in the evening.
39:45I make all the money,
39:47she gets the good health insurance.
39:49I let her talk about her mom
39:50as much as she wants.
39:52She doesn't comment on my drinking.
39:53It works, okay?
39:55Shit has been hard.
39:58Babe, babe, seriously,
39:59how would you describe
40:00our daily life together?
40:02Uphill battle.
40:04Uphill battle.
40:06Sisyphean, huh?
40:08Yeah.
40:11Uphill battle.
40:12But you know what?
40:13I love this woman, okay?
40:14She's the best mom
40:15you're ever going to meet
40:15in your entire life.
40:16She is, okay?
40:17You guys see what
40:18I'm trying to say?
40:19You know what?
40:19Let's take mom and dad,
40:20for example, okay?
40:21They've been together
40:22for 40 years.
40:26Wow.
40:28Mama, stop crying, Mama.
40:30Mama, you have this saying
40:32about love.
40:33You always said that love
40:34is a struggle.
40:36A struggle.
40:37And what's the second half
40:38of that saying?
40:39But it's worth it in the end.
40:41But it's worth it in the end.
40:45Love is a struggle,
40:46but it's worth it in the end.
40:48Dad, I can see
40:48you're still furious.
40:50Yes.
40:54But dad, according to you,
40:55happiness isn't the point
40:56of marriage.
40:57What is?
40:58Togetherness.
41:00Togetherness.
41:03You see what I'm
41:04trying to say, you guys?
41:05And I see the three of you
41:06shaking your heads.
41:07You think you know
41:08better than me.
41:09But guys,
41:10you haven't thought
41:11this through.
41:12And I know you haven't
41:14thought this through, Charles,
41:14because all you care
41:15about are your feelings.
41:19Your feelings.
41:22But that lovey-dovey feeling
41:23you guys feel right now?
41:25That's chemicals, bruh.
41:27Science proved that.
41:29The chemicals,
41:30they wore off
41:31between you and Paige.
41:32And you guys panicked.
41:34And you added this spicy
41:36mix to the mix.
41:37And right now,
41:38everything feels so good.
41:40But brother,
41:41let me tell you this.
41:42This too shall pass.
41:45So then what are you gonna do?
41:47You're gonna wake up one day
41:49and roll over
41:50in your California king
41:52and see two schlubby
41:53older bodies
41:54you're no longer
41:55attracted to.
41:55And you're gonna say,
41:57fuck.
41:58You're gonna wake up one day
42:00and realize
42:00the amount of energy
42:02it takes to nurture
42:02two romantic relationships
42:04is so intense
42:05you can't remember
42:06the last time
42:06you got up on stage
42:07or did something for yourself.
42:08Believe me,
42:09I live with two females.
42:10No offense.
42:14So then what are you gonna do?
42:16Add a fourth?
42:18Get a double divorce?
42:22I'm sorry if I'm absolutely
42:23murdering the vibe here, people.
42:25I'm just the only one
42:26making any goddamn sense.
42:38Nobody knows what love is.
42:43What is love?
42:44See?
42:45Do you see what I'm saying?
42:46You see what I'm saying?
42:48Nobody knows.
42:49Wait, I don't need
42:50to interrogate the audience.
42:51There was a sign
42:52as you entered
42:53that said
42:54write what it means to love
42:55probably for some fucking
42:55promise quilt
42:56or some bullshit
42:57but I'm gonna use
42:58these cards now
42:59and we'll get to the bottom
43:00of what it means to love.
43:09Okay.
43:12Jesus Christ!
43:15How much time
43:16did you have?
43:19No!
43:23Enjoying peace
43:24and happiness
43:24with total understanding.
43:26Yeah, that's impossible!
43:30Love that it's purist
43:31can make you feel
43:32like your body
43:32is about to explode.
43:34Yeah, that doesn't
43:34sound good!
43:36What is this?
43:37Pepto-
43:37Mentos and Diet Coke?
43:43Did everyone do this to me?
43:45Did everyone?
43:51This is so long!
43:55Throw them back.
43:58Unconditional acceptance
44:00of who you are.
44:02Yeah, right!
44:05When you can't decide
44:07between leftovers
44:08or eating out
44:09and you eat frozen foods.
44:11Dude, was that you, brother?
44:13Here we go!
44:21Oh, man.
44:24Man, I love it
44:25when he writes
44:26hilarious stuff in these.
44:28Sharing half of a sandwich?
44:30Here we go!
44:42The silent moments?
44:44The endless conversations?
44:45Okay, those are both
44:46contradictory.
44:50Love is being seen
44:52for who you are
44:53and allowed
44:53to become yourself
44:54and change.
44:55Love is being seen
44:57as multidimensional,
44:58full of potential,
44:58and still enough
45:00as you are.
45:01Okay, I've tried that.
45:07Love is giving
45:08more than you take.
45:12Like, how, though?
45:19What is love?
45:23Baby, don't help me.
45:27And I'm not drunk, okay?
45:30I use all my frequent
45:31flyer miles
45:32and credit card points
45:32to be here.
45:33Move it along, Paul.
45:35Get to the good part.
45:35Okay, I've been on stage
45:36for literally two minutes, okay?
45:39I can't do this with you, Ren.
45:40I can't.
45:40I can't do this.
45:46This man went
45:47to Desert Storm.
45:48Yes.
45:49Oh!
45:51Don't you think
45:51I want to fuck
45:52whoever I want?
45:53But I don't.
45:56Where's my
45:57ruin your wedding?
45:58I did that one time
46:00and you forget
46:01everything I've ever
46:01done for you.
46:02Love conquers
46:03all my ass.
46:05My significantly
46:06less hairy ass.
46:09Okay.
46:10Oh, no, no.
46:11That's all.
46:12No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
46:16I'm still
46:17okay.
46:19Okay.
46:21Okay.
46:21Lock the doors, everybody.
46:23Lock the doors.
46:23We're inside, Sam.
46:25Lock the doors.
46:26Shut up, everyone.
46:26We're not leaving here
46:27until we get
46:28to the bottom
46:29of this together.
46:30We're going to get
46:31to the bottom
46:32of what it means to love.
46:42Cool.
46:47Charles, dude.
46:50I gotta admit it, dude.
46:52I thought you
46:53poly-cabalist
46:54weirdos
46:56would have something
46:57to teach me
46:57here today.
46:58That's right, Charles.
47:00I thought I was
47:01going to learn something.
47:04Joke's on my
47:05face.
47:09Weddings
47:10are not a place
47:11to learn.
47:13Weddings
47:15are an
47:15outdated,
47:18expensive
47:18banquet
47:20where we
47:21pretend.
47:23We pretend
47:24that love
47:25is forever.
47:27We pretend
47:28that you want
47:29to stay bonded
47:29to the one person
47:31who you happen
47:31to be fucking
47:32when all your friends
47:33are getting married.
47:34Ella, earmuffs.
47:35Fuck.
47:41We share
47:42these poems
47:43and prayers
47:44of fusing
47:46two souls
47:47into one.
47:48We pretend
47:48that you don't
47:49solely grow
47:49to hate your partner
47:50while lying
47:51to your annoying
47:52children that
47:53it was all worth it.
47:54Ella, earmuffs.
47:55Fuck.
48:16I can feel
48:18my wife's
48:19adoring eyes
48:19on me.
48:22Wrap it up, Paul.
48:24Fun's over, Paul.
48:26Put the flask
48:27down, Paul.
48:31I'm tired.
48:40I'm tired.
48:41I'm tired.
48:46Yeah, well,
48:47we're all fucking
48:47tired, okay?
48:49And pissed off,
48:49kicks the mic stand,
48:50because you can't
48:51get what you want,
48:53okay?
48:54You can't get
48:54what you want.
48:55I've tried.
48:56I've tried so hard
48:57and Charles,
48:58I tried to teach you
48:59what I've learned, bro,
49:00but you don't listen.
49:03You don't have anything
49:04to teach me, Charles,
49:05because you're an idiot.
49:08The hardest thing
49:09in your life
49:10is a cat
49:12who's
49:13debatable.
49:21If I was
49:22in your place,
49:23I would've made it
49:24by now.
49:26Charles.
49:27And who
49:28gives a shit
49:29if I blacked out
49:31and ruined
49:32your first wedding,
49:33because look
49:33where we are now!
49:37Charles, man.
49:39So,
49:40what is that?
49:41It's Crystal.
49:44It's fucking
49:45amethyst.
49:48Charles.
49:50So easy
49:51to be you.
49:52Everybody loves
49:52Charles.
49:53I'm gonna show you
49:54what it's like
49:55to be Charles.
49:57Hi, everybody.
49:58It's me, Charles.
50:00I'm Charles,
50:01and I'm gonna do
50:01some improv
50:03for you
50:03like it's
50:0320-fucking-12.
50:06Can I get a suggestion?
50:07Meatball.
50:08Meatball!
50:10Thank you,
50:10Meatball!
50:31Spaghetti!
50:34Spaghetti!
50:35It's funny,
50:35because I'm
50:35repeating myself.
50:36It's funny,
50:37because I'm
50:37repeating myself.
50:38It's funny,
50:39because I'm
50:40oh,
50:41wait a minute.
50:43Do you guys
50:44hear that?
50:45This is the,
50:46this is the
50:47royalty-free version
50:49of that Enya song
50:49you love.
50:51Which means
50:52it's time for me,
50:53Charles,
50:54to do my
50:55second first dance.
51:03This reminds me
51:04of when I was
51:05a little boy,
51:05back when Grandma
51:06was still around.
51:13No,
51:13I'm not nervous.
51:14I'm the king
51:15of this shit.
51:16This is a room
51:17that's full of people
51:18who are dying
51:18for a best man's speech.
51:23I'm honestly
51:23getting a little
51:24emotional right now,
51:24not even a lie.
51:27I love you, bro.
51:28There, I said it!
51:29No, I drank
51:30the normal wedding amount.
51:32Hello,
51:33it's okay to laugh,
51:33people, okay?
51:35What's up,
51:36everybody?
51:36It's your boy,
51:37Paul,
51:37big dog,
51:38Rose!
51:38Ow, ow, ow, ow,
51:39ow, ow, ow, ow!
51:41Where my little dog is at?
51:42Oh!
51:46Oh!
51:47Oh!
51:52Did everyone do this to me?
51:54Because you can't
51:55get what you want.
51:57I've tried.
51:59I tried so hard,
52:00and Charles,
52:01I tried to teach you
52:02what I've learned,
52:02but you don't listen.
52:04I'm the best man.
52:14Oh, no.
52:16Oh, no.
52:16I did it again!
52:17Oh, no!
52:19Oh, no!
52:19Oh, no!
52:21Charles,
52:22why did you ask me
52:23to do this?
52:34I fucked it up!
52:36I fucked it up!
52:38I fucked it up!
52:40I'm not sorry.
52:41Oh, my God.
52:43Oh, my God.
52:44I'm so lonely!
52:49I'm not important.
52:51I don't know anything.
52:56Charles?
52:58Charles,
52:58are you getting up
52:59right now to help me?
53:00Stop!
53:00Don't do it!
53:04Charles,
53:05you're getting up
53:05to help me right now?
53:06Stop!
53:06Don't do it, Charles!
53:10Charles,
53:10I see you getting up
53:11to help me.
53:11Stop!
53:12Sit down!
53:14Don't get up
53:14to help me!
53:15No, stop!
53:16Stop, Charles!
53:17Don't!
53:18No, no!
53:19Don't get up
53:20on stage right now,
53:21Charles!
53:21No, no!
53:23I'm sorry.
53:24Don't help me up!
53:25No, you asshole!
53:26You fucking ass!
53:26Don't hug me right now!
53:28You fucking asshole!
53:30Don't film this!
53:32Don't film this!
53:33Don't film this!
53:33Don't film this!
53:34Don't film this!
53:35No, don't film this!
53:36Stop blowing your bubbles!
53:38This is not beautiful!
53:39Stop it!
53:41Stop it!
53:42Oh, my God.
53:43Stop it!
53:43Okay, pause right here.
53:44Over here.
53:45Take this.
53:46There we go.
53:47All right, you should put that on.
53:49I don't want to get
53:50frosting in your hair.
53:52Okay, now.
53:53You're Paul now.
53:55Okay, Paul.
53:56It's okay.
53:56It's okay.
53:56Shh!
53:57Shh!
53:57It's okay, brother.
53:58It's okay.
54:00Let's get you off the stage
54:01now, baby.
54:01Big brother.
54:03Come here.
54:04Come here.
54:04Okay.
54:05Yep, this is an outfit
54:06that's hard for this.
54:07You're so good.
54:08Okay, Paul.
54:09Just have a seat
54:09with Paige over here.
54:10Okay.
54:15Hi, everyone.
54:18It's me, Charles.
54:21Obviously.
54:22I've been sitting
54:23right here
54:24the whole time.
54:26Soaking wet with sweat.
54:29That was
54:31a lot.
54:33Let's all take
54:34a deep breath.
54:40I actually
54:41prepared something
54:42for this moment
54:43that I think
54:44is even more apt
54:45given what just
54:46happened here today.
54:48It's a reflection
54:49on what it means
54:50to love
54:51using your words
54:52before I put them
54:53in the promise quilt.
54:55because
54:56love means
54:57something different
54:58to all of us.
54:59I'm going to collect
55:05a few of these.
55:10The most powerful
55:11force in all
55:12of the universe
55:13is accepting
55:14someone for who
55:15they are.
55:19The best feeling
55:20in the world
55:21is making compromises
55:23and learning
55:24how to make
55:25each other
55:25the best version
55:26of you.
55:29All we need
55:30is patience,
55:32kindness,
55:33and gratitude.
55:35Tom.
55:41Thank you, Tom.
55:48You're Tom.
55:55Let's do our
55:56high-five
55:56that's secret.
56:05Love.
56:06Everyone deserves love.
56:09And while I don't
56:10forgive
56:11what just happened
56:12yet,
56:14Paul,
56:15you told everyone
56:16I have a micropenis.
56:17Twice.
56:19At the beginning.
56:21It doesn't change
56:22how I feel about you.
56:24I love you,
56:24Paul.
56:25And I always will.
56:29All right,
56:29we have a few more
56:30minutes before we
56:31cut what's left
56:32of the cake here.
56:34So let's all
56:35refocus our attention
56:37because now
56:37it's time for
56:38Andrew
56:39to give his speech.
56:45How do you know
56:46my brother?
56:47I was his teacher.
56:48What did you teach him?
56:49English.
56:50What's your favorite book?
56:51Tale of Two Cities.
56:52Have you heard of it?
56:53Nah, brother.
56:56Love means
56:57waiting in line
56:57for longer
56:58than I've ever
56:59waited for anything
57:00outside of a music
57:01festival.
57:02And now she's doing
57:02that crazy yodel cry
57:04she does.
57:07And now she's
57:08freestyle crying.
57:12When was the last
57:13time we had sex,
57:14babe?
57:14Probably when
57:15our daughter was born.
57:16Probably when
57:17our daughter was born.
57:18the day
57:22the day
57:23it happened.
57:25Oh my god,
57:26there's a backside?
57:28What is this?
57:29A Tale of Two Cities?
57:33It was the worst
57:35of answers.
57:36It was the best
57:37of answers.
57:52I'm saying it's
57:54going for 15 hours
57:55now.
57:56Oh yeah.
57:57Is this
57:57a little over soon?
58:01Oh yeah.
58:03AHHHHHHHHH
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