- 7 hours ago
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00:02I can't believe these new pedal machines.
00:04And you name them after yourself, you say.
00:06What would you name it?
00:07Bikel?
00:08Bikel was my father's name.
00:09Call me Bikey.
00:10But that's a three-person Bikey.
00:12Sad onlys are over there.
00:14I'm not an only.
00:15I'm waiting for some people.
00:16Oh, you sure they're gonna show?
00:19What?
00:20I, yeah, it's my brother and sister.
00:23We have plans.
00:24Not all siblings get along.
00:26Okay, Bikey, well, we do, as it happened.
00:29So thank you for the weird, unsolicited advice.
00:32But I'll be going with this three-seater.
00:34Oh, it's just that part of my job is helping people face the fact that their loved ones don't really
00:38love them as much as they think.
00:40What is going on?
00:41I don't know.
00:41What is this conversation?
00:42Why?
00:43Oh, thank God.
00:44Here they come.
00:45Bikey, you've been absolutely awful.
00:48Sorry we're late, Ty.
00:50You know, this guy actually had me worried for a second that you guys might go.
00:53Oh, what the hell?
00:57Stop!
00:57Uh, you sent doubles?
01:00Seriously?
01:00Oh, man, how'd you figure it out?
01:02How'd I?
01:03A man who's basically your stalker and pretends to be you for some weird reason?
01:07None taken.
01:07And some unholy monster version of you that doesn't even know language.
01:12This one was supposed to.
01:14Guess now it'll be food for the others.
01:16You know, if you didn't want to hang, you could have just told me.
01:18I was humiliated in front of Bikey.
01:19We've just been busy.
01:20If we had all the time in the world, we'd hang out all day, air day.
01:24Don't take it personally.
01:25Of course I take it personally.
01:26I thought we were close.
01:27We are.
01:29I mean, look, I sent Hippo 2 on a camping trip with Dad last week, and Dad told him he
01:33loved
01:33him.
01:33Tell you what, I promise to make time for...
01:36My alarm!
01:37The blood is gonna curdle.
01:38Oh, no!
01:39That means I'm late for ditch digging.
01:41Everyone knows you can't ditch digging.
01:43Ditch, ditch, digging ditches.
01:47I love you, too.
01:48I love you, too.
02:16To super strength, number three will blow your mind.
02:20Soldiers inside your horse?
02:21It's more likely than you think.
02:24Real sirens in your area want to have sex with you.
02:28Hey, hey, stop that.
02:29You're making a mess.
02:30It's called breaking news for a reason.
02:32Well, break it somewhere else.
02:33I'm sulking here.
02:34Royal flush.
02:35Princely sibling dynamics are down the pooper.
02:38This is a private matter, and it's not even true, and I'm working on it.
02:41Why is it news?
02:42Ow!
02:43Enough!
02:43It's called targeted advertising for a reason.
02:45What is this?
02:47Nike's Trial of the Triads.
02:49Goddess of Victory's contest where groups of three can earn fame, glory, and a spot among
02:54the greatest trios of all time.
02:56Enter now.
02:57Fame and glory.
02:58What's the catch?
02:59Get full access to the rest of this vase for just one fish per month.
03:03Per month?
03:04You get a free tote bag.
03:08How many times have I told you I don't like to chew my wine?
03:12And where is schlub?
03:14If I complain all morning but my husband wasn't there to hear it, did I even complain?
03:18Right here, my love.
03:19I heard and I agreed.
03:21Why are you dressed like a wee little lad?
03:22Because this wee little lad has to go to the theater.
03:25The Rapsods are in town.
03:27The who?
03:28The Rapsods.
03:29They're a very popular theater troupe, beloved by the thousands.
03:33I thought you hated theater.
03:34Ah, well.
03:35It's city business.
03:36I'm obliged to go, and I didn't want to bother you with all the hullabaloo.
03:40And you two are going together.
03:43Oh, Deliria, it's not like that.
03:45I'll just be there for schlub to whisper loudly when he's confused about who's who and what
03:49just happened, even when we have the same amount of information.
03:52Oh, I don't care about that.
03:53He knows he can have sex with whomever he wants.
03:55I'm just trying to understand why you're taking her as your date to this nonsense, and
03:58I'm just supposed to, what, sit here alone with this one who keeps feeding me non-alcoholic
04:02wine nuggets?
04:03My love, the theater is all about the expression of human emotion, so they like to keep it a god
04:08-free
04:09zone.
04:09But don't worry.
04:10You won't be missing a thing.
04:12Viserra, shall we?
04:16Something's not right.
04:17I knew you'd notice.
04:18I'm sorry for blubbering like this.
04:20I've just been...
04:21Not with you, with schlub.
04:23He doesn't want me at that show, and I'm trying to figure out why.
04:27Scott sucked that weakness juice back into your eyes.
04:30We're going to the theater.
04:32Back into your eyes, I said.
04:35Ah!
04:38Listen up.
04:39I have an announcement.
04:40Ah!
04:41Oh, hell yeah.
04:42Short fight!
04:43No, no.
04:44It was a metaphor.
04:45This is our shattered relationship.
04:47You had to break a vase for that?
04:48Seems expensive.
04:50Don't focus on the vase.
04:51Focus on the fact that our relationship, like this vase, is broken.
04:54Well, yeah.
04:55Being busy sucks.
04:57We used to do all sorts of stuff, but now it's all, stoop, clean your swords.
05:01Stoop, you have to actually feed your soldiers.
05:04I'm exhausted.
05:05Which is why I signed us up for the trial of the triads.
05:09The tri-tri?
05:11Oh, you've heard of it?
05:12That crazy contest sponsored by Nike.
05:14Do you mean Nike the goddess?
05:16Of course I mean Nike the goddess.
05:18There's no other meaning of the word Nike in this context.
05:21I know.
05:22I just wanted to clarify, when we talk about Nike, we mean Nike the goddess.
05:26Swoosh, you got it.
05:27I say, let's just do it.
05:29It'll be good for us.
05:29We'll win Nikes, Nike the goddesses, competition.
05:32We'll get closer.
05:33And you guys, we could become an actual famous trio.
05:36Look who else has won this thing.
05:37The Fates.
05:38The Furies.
05:39Those three guys who live in the mud.
05:41This is how the mud brothers became famous?
05:44We could be the next mud brothers?
05:46Yes, you in?
05:47You bet your weird little knees we're in.
05:50Yes.
05:50Siblings on three.
05:52One, two.
05:53What about the stuff we have to do?
05:55Remember, we're booked and busy.
05:57Well, I have that taken care of.
05:59I will redeem myself, Stupendous.
06:01What about you?
06:02Didn't you have to clean the boat today?
06:03You guys aren't the only ones with doubles.
06:05Remember, Cyrus?
06:06Poop deck, poop deck, scrubbing down the poop deck.
06:09Uh, no.
06:11I don't really remember that much stuff.
06:13Doesn't matter.
06:13Three.
06:19This is gonna be easy.
06:21No trio can match us for strength, wits, and, um...
06:26Let's just move on.
06:27Pretend you never started the sentence.
06:28Better for all of us.
06:29So what do you think it's gonna be?
06:30Just some standard bonding tests?
06:32Three-legged race?
06:33Trust falls?
06:34Drinking water upside down while singing?
06:36I think that's hiccups.
06:38If I know Nike, the goddess, it's gonna be way harder than that.
06:42I bet there's gonna be some challenge where we're on a rope bridge with not enough planks
06:45and we're swinging precariously over a river.
06:48Wait, what now?
06:50Contenders!
06:51Welcome to the trial of the triads.
06:55I am, of course, Nike, goddess of victory.
07:01Cool, no applause.
07:02Noted.
07:03Dicks.
07:04You are here to complete a series of tests that will try your wit, strength, and tenacity.
07:12Tenacity, that's what you've got.
07:14Do you even know what that means?
07:15Nope.
07:16So who are we up against?
07:17Yeah, where's the other three soon to get beaten up, guys?
07:20Oh, you've misunderstood.
07:23It's not you against another trio.
07:26It's you against each other.
07:29Tenacity, tenacity, tenacity, tenacity, tenacity.
07:33This is where we sit.
07:35Perched on logs like a beaver or a paw.
07:38It's immersive.
07:39By sitting on a log, you bring yourself closer to the experience.
07:43The experience of getting our bottoms dirty.
07:45Please be quiet.
07:47We're about to begin.
07:50Ah, another sad morning in the life of me.
07:54Samuel, a poor person with a tragic past.
07:58Oh, this is going to be quite bad, isn't it?
08:00Poor schlub will be bored out of his mind.
08:07Why did he even come?
08:08He never feels compelled to do city business.
08:11Now I am Samuel's wife.
08:15Is he under a spell?
08:16Are these people wizards?
08:17I don't think so.
08:19Well, they're certainly not actors.
08:21Have they found some kind of torture that he doesn't like?
08:23That's truly my best guess here.
08:25Hey, daughter named Penelope.
08:27Be careful in the water.
08:28Wouldn't you think you are some kind of fierce?
08:33He can't possibly be enjoying this.
08:35Excuse me, ma'am.
08:37You're distracting the actors.
08:38Well, they're distracting me.
08:41And you're out of character.
08:42Shouldn't you have said hystracting the act-purrs?
08:45I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
08:47Purr our policy.
08:49Oh, now with the purrs.
08:51It made more sense.
08:52Is sense supposed to be something being made in this farce if it's a drama, catastrophe if it's a comedy?
08:57You can't even tell which.
08:59Deliria!
08:59Uh, no.
09:00I'm a human woman who grows my own hair on my own scalp.
09:05Deliria, what are you doing here?
09:07Trying to figure out what you're doing here.
09:09I saw you laughing, surely as a form of mockery.
09:12In which case, why would you leave me out?
09:14You know I love to mock the efforts of others.
09:16And don't say it's a god-free zone.
09:17There's no such thing.
09:18All right, I was just trying to spare you because I knew you'd hate it.
09:21Of course I hate it.
09:22Because I also knew you wouldn't really get it.
09:25I beg your pardon?
09:26I mean you wouldn't like it.
09:27You said get.
09:29Darling, the whole thing is about human emotion and vulnerability,
09:32about both of which you've taken a rather consistently dim view.
09:36Nonsense.
09:37Give me one example.
09:38All right, off the top of my head.
09:40You once asked, if they can die, what are they waiting for?
09:43A perfectly valid point.
09:44They're wasting everyone's time.
09:46Well, guess what?
09:47You think I wouldn't get it.
09:48Well, I will get it.
09:50I'll get the hell out of it.
09:51Viserra, you're released.
09:52Oh, man.
09:54This was my day off.
09:55I don't want to miss the part where they stink the audience.
09:57I heard the first five rows are guaranteed to get stunk.
10:00You can come sit with me.
10:02Your stinking awaits.
10:04The Scott and Viserra will they, won't they continues.
10:07These high-key genius challenges are designed to tear you apart
10:11by tearing each other down.
10:14I don't understand.
10:15I thought this was just competition.
10:16Why did she want to tear us apart?
10:18You know, I heard her siblings formed a trio without her.
10:21I guess instead of wondering, maybe it's me,
10:24she just decided she hates the concept of trios?
10:27I can hear you, and you're wrong.
10:29This has nothing to do with my backstabbing siblings.
10:31I'm a goddess of competition.
10:33I like competitions.
10:35I put a lot of work into this.
10:36Shut up!
10:38For each challenge you complete, you get a point.
10:41Complete enough challenges, and you shall pass my trials.
10:45Challenge number one.
10:46For this puzzle, you must decide who is the ugly one.
10:58Yay!
11:00Pin the blame on mom's favorite.
11:06Plan a group vacation.
11:08Rank each other's exes.
11:11Discuss your father's final days, and who will care for him?
11:18Oh, what the hell?
11:19Why are you guys not fighting?
11:20You should be at each other's throats by now.
11:22Oh, is that what this is?
11:24Hate to tell you, that's probably not going to work.
11:26We've spent our whole lives fighting each other like this.
11:29Yeah, if this is your plan, we're going to win this thing in no time.
11:32I guess we are a strong trio.
11:33Either that, or she's a bad goddess of competition.
11:36No wonder Zealous Kratos and Bia threed up without her.
11:40Zealous Kratos and Bia?
11:41They're not gods, they're personifications.
11:43Wait, are you not a goddess?
11:45She's a personification!
11:49That is it.
11:58Called it.
11:59And now, for the serious part.
12:02This is a comedy and a drama.
12:04It's a camarama!
12:06I am despondent.
12:07Some stuff was pretty funny, but ultimately my daughter did drown.
12:11And that makes me sad.
12:14Sadness?
12:14I'm not sure if I get it.
12:17Kidding.
12:18Of course, sadness is a human emotion.
12:20One of the most famous.
12:21Following along just fine.
12:23I am an old man now.
12:25What?
12:25What happened to the younger man?
12:27Kidding again.
12:28Because, of course, I'm beyond familiar with the human experience and how people...
12:33Olden.
12:33Would you stop?
12:34You're distracting everyone, including me, most importantly.
12:38Delirium, dear, you're ruining the play.
12:40I don't know that one can ruin something like this.
12:44Well, if that's how you feel, why don't we just leave?
12:47I'll come back on my own.
12:49Maybe I don't want to leave.
12:53Oh, maybe I feel I was left by you.
12:57Ooh.
13:00Alright, so you're good at tearing each other down.
13:03But can you build each other up?
13:05In this trial, you must work together to build this bridge.
13:09Oh, oh my God, wait.
13:10It's a metaphor kind of...
13:11And I didn't even realize I'm so good!
13:15The only way to make the planks appear is by giving each other compliments.
13:19Compliments.
13:22Okay.
13:23Genuine compliments.
13:24Oh, no.
13:25Let the final challenge begin!
13:29Okay, somebody say something.
13:31Right, okay.
13:31Ty, you are... the youngest.
13:35That's not a compliment, that's just a fact.
13:37Okay, don't rub our faces in it.
13:39Okay, look, a compliment is easy, right?
13:41Stoop, you are very smart, which people don't always know from looking at you.
13:45What?
13:46That was genuine!
13:47No, you idiot!
13:48You qualified it!
13:49Oh, come on.
13:50A compliment is just something that sounds nice.
13:52Look, Ty, you're stronger than me.
13:55You don't believe that.
13:56That's what genuine means?
13:58We're screwed!
14:03I thought we loved the same things, like rearranging the furniture on our son's houseboat while
14:09he's asleep, or skipping Scott like a rock on the lake.
14:13But now I find you feel we're out of sync.
14:15You think I don't get emotion.
14:18Well, maybe you're the one who doesn't get my emotions.
14:21What about my emotions, schlub?
14:24What's going on?
14:26Don't you see?
14:27It's not that I don't understand human feeling, or I can't appreciate acting.
14:32I just have a little trouble with...
14:34Terrible theater by talentless hacks.
14:44Yes!
14:45Queen!
14:46That's goddess queen to you.
14:48Oh, you are a huge bitch.
14:50I love it.
14:50You're also a huge bitch.
14:52Remains to be seen if I love it, though.
14:54If you're willing, I would love to hear your notes.
14:57Drinks?
14:57You had me to hear my notes.
14:59And also drinks.
15:01We're alive!
15:03But at what cost?
15:04We're losers!
15:06Well, well, well.
15:08How the mighty fall.
15:10Now you see what I've known all along.
15:12Trios can never last.
15:13And siblings suck!
15:14So now, since dealing with you all was pure torture, instead of letting you all free like
15:20the others, I'm feeling a little torturous myself.
15:23Please don't do this.
15:24We're sorry.
15:25We?
15:25You're the one who dragged us into this thing.
15:28Now we're gonna be eaten by an eagle for eternity or something!
15:32Dragged you?
15:32You were nearly begging for a vacation.
15:34And it's clear that I'm the only one interested in preserving the relationship now that we
15:38don't live together.
15:39We had stuff to do!
15:41Sorry we can't all be boat guys now!
15:44It's so clear you just signed up for the...
15:46I hate proofs like the deer's out!
15:48Though the sounds of a trio bickering is like music to my ears, it's time for the ultimate
15:53punishment.
15:53It's something I thought up all on my own, and it's really sick.
15:57I got a little time stick for my pal Kronos, and you three will now spend the next hundred
16:03years trapped with each other.
16:07A hundred years?
16:08You can't do this!
16:09Oh, man.
16:10This is gonna suck!
16:11Bye!
16:17You are mothering so hard right now, I want you to step on my throat.
16:21Darling, what took you so long?
16:22The rest of the cast tried to cobble together a brand new ending, but the writer quit, so
16:27it's just devolved into something they're calling improv.
16:30Can I get a suggestion?
16:32Not now!
16:32I heard a restaurant!
16:34Hi!
16:35Welcome to my restaurant!
16:36Yes, and welcome to my restaurant!
16:40Darling, you thought I wouldn't get theater, but it turns out I get it so much.
16:44They're asking me for notes!
16:46I invented notes!
16:48And I invented saying I'm okay with hearing it, even when quietly, I'm not.
16:52I'm gonna get us more drinks!
16:54Isn't he great?
16:55He says he and his friends all gather around each week and watch their town's local housewives
16:59bicker with each other.
17:00I'm invited next week.
17:01Well, I'm thrilled you found a way to enjoy yourself, but I have to tell you, I didn't.
17:06What?
17:07Why not?
17:07I'm making this awful thing better.
17:09Well, I didn't think it was awful, and I've been trying to see them for a long time, and
17:13now I'll never see the last eight hours of the show.
17:15You actually like this?
17:17Not ironically, not guilty pleasure-like?
17:19You know I don't feel guilt.
17:20I only feel pleasure.
17:22Why didn't you just tell me?
17:24If I told you, you'd have done the same thing.
17:26Probably, yes.
17:27So you want to just watch this, and I'm not allowed to say anything or make it better.
17:31That's about right.
17:32Fine.
17:33But let's agree to find another thing for us to hate together.
17:36I'd like that.
17:37Hmm.
17:41Mother Queen Goddess, where are you?
17:43You're gonna become my whole personality, bitch!
17:51How was that?
17:52Only 99 more years to go.
17:55Oh, begging for sweet release already?
17:58No!
17:59This is a thank you hug.
18:01Oh, shoot.
18:02Was that a year already?
18:03What is going on?
18:04You're supposed to be trying to kill each other.
18:07Well, I mean, we were.
18:08The first month, we barely talked to each other.
18:10Then the next few months, we resolved and worked through the roots of some of our conflicts.
18:13We came to terms with the fact that we're gonna get closer and further every now and then.
18:17That's okay.
18:18Oh, and then the next two months, we spent on mom's stuff.
18:21Could have used three.
18:23Oh, then we made a dance.
18:24Sure to dance, sure to dance.
18:26Okay, do the dance.
18:32No, no, no, no, no!
18:34It took him for a while, but we had time to teach him.
18:37So thank you, Nike.
18:38It's kind of why we came here in the first place.
18:40If we had all the time in the world, we'd hang all day.
18:43All we were really missing was time, and you gave us that.
18:45You were supposed to fall apart and then go insane, like I did with my siblings.
18:53Oh, we talked about you, too.
18:55You did?
18:57Oh, yeah.
18:58How about you end these games, let us out of this, and we'll show you what sibling ship
19:02could really look like.
19:03You mean the four of us?
19:06I always thought four was better than three.
19:08Yeah, we gathered.
19:09If you want to hang out with somebody, you have to ask.
19:11Nike, have you ever been on a bikie?
19:15I guess if I'm being honest, I was always kind of ashamed of being a personification.
19:20My siblings never had a problem with it.
19:22Maybe I'm the one who drove them away.
19:29No, exactly!
19:30That's what I'm saying!
19:32Wow, I can't believe that worked.
19:34Sorry again for sending our doubles to hang out with you.
19:37Water under a metaphorical bridge.
19:39I'm just happy we were finally able to have the bonding time we needed.
19:43So is this all adulthood really boils down to?
19:45Making plans and committing to them?
19:47Seems like it.
19:48Speaking of, when are we hanging out next?
19:51Book next week.
19:52The week after?
19:53Destination wedding.
19:54What about the next week?
19:56Destination funeral.
19:57Oh, I'm slammed after that.
19:59What about springtime?
20:01I think I have nights free.
20:02Oh, no.
20:03That's when my murder club starts.
20:05Well, we know you want to do it, and that's a start.
20:08Can you just say yes to that?
20:10I mean...
20:10Yes!
20:11You got it, bro.
20:11You getting this, Newsy?
20:12Yep!
20:13Pathetic brother still trying to get his siblings to...
20:22You got the stuff?
20:23Oh, I always have the stuff.
20:25The real question is, can you afford it?
20:28Depends.
20:29Are we talking gold or personal favors?
20:32Oh, uh, just gold should do the trick.
20:34Just the one love potion?
20:35Yes, please.
20:37Well, don't you want to know what it's for?
20:38What's it for?
20:40I'm trying to make my pet Ignuana fall in love with me at this year's CAC Carnival.
20:45Oh, brother.
20:47Weren't you laughing?
20:49Did I miss the joke part?
20:50I just don't really understand.
20:52Are we prisoners?
20:53Yes, you are.
20:54Now give me a non-geographical location.
20:57Can I go to the bathroom?
20:58I heard bathroom.
21:00Hello.
21:00Welcome to the bathroom at the CAC Carnival.
21:03I can't believe you would have sex with my mother.
21:06Yes, and I can't believe you are my father.
21:10I love sandwiches.
21:14Zip.
21:15Zap.
21:15Zap.
21:16Zip.
21:17Is this even a scene?
21:18It seems like a warm-up game.
21:20Zap.
21:21And scene.
21:23Yay!
21:25Oh, brilliant.
21:26Wow.
21:27Yay, hilarious.
21:29Okay, wow.
21:31Did you get any of that?
21:35Bento.
21:35Bento.
21:35Bento.
21:35Bento.
21:36Bento.
21:36Bento.
21:36Bento.
21:36Bento.
21:37Bento.
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