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00:27We're here to pay our parking tickets.
00:30Yeah, let's make it quick.
00:32Guys, this is a church.
00:34The courthouse is two blocks down the street.
00:37Huh?
00:39Well, Your Honor, if it's not a courthouse, what are you doing here?
00:44No, I'm not a judge.
00:46I am a priest.
00:47Oh, I get it now.
00:48A priest.
00:49I see.
00:51Easy mistake to make.
00:53So, Your Honor, how much is it going to take to make these tickets go away?
00:57Yeah, maybe get a little something nice for yourself.
01:00Some more of those beads, maybe.
01:03Damn it.
01:04We come here every day, and that guy never takes our money.
01:08Well, that's the government for you, Beavis.
01:11Nobody wants to work.
01:13Hi, I'm Richard.
01:14I've noticed you two spend a lot of time here.
01:16It's a wonderful community, isn't it?
01:18Yeah, we're here because we parked in a zone.
01:21Well, the congregation has organized a mission trip to Mexico,
01:25and we'd love to have you join us.
01:28Uh, you guys are going on a mission?
01:31Uh, sure are.
01:33We're going down there for the day to fight structural poverty and combat homelessness.
01:37Well, combat is cool, yeah.
01:39Yeah, I want to fight structures.
01:42Uh, can you excuse us, sir?
01:45Uh, that guy wants us to go on a combat mission for, like, the army or something.
01:51Uh, yeah, remember we wanted to join the army after high school,
01:55but they said we were, like, mentality or something?
01:58Hey.
02:00I want to blow stuff up with a tank.
02:03And I would like a flamethrower, please.
02:06You boys have a high school diploma?
02:09Is that that thing they give you when you drop out of high school?
02:12Yeah, I lost mine.
02:16Yeah, he told us the army was full.
02:19See, maybe this is our chance.
02:21I always wanted to serve my country with a flamethrower, yeah.
02:26We'll do it, Sarge.
02:27We're ready to go to war, sir.
02:31Always great to have some volunteers with a sense of humor.
02:34See you on the bus.
02:35We're silent but deadly.
02:42Most guys in their 30s, 40s, and 50s or beyond
02:46seem to have a huge misconception about dating younger women.
02:50And if you fall into that age group, let me tell you,
02:52this misconception is holding back in your dating life
02:56and keeping you single and not dating hot young women.
02:59So in today's video, I want to call you a perception of the young.
03:03What they don't know is that they can actually turn their age
03:06into an advantage with women if they do just one simple thing.
03:10Uh, wow.
03:13You know, like, I always thought the reason I don't score
03:15is because there's just one simple thing I don't do.
03:19And now she's going to tell us what it is.
03:22Yeah, yeah, me too.
03:23You know, it's like, me, chicks look at me, and they're like,
03:26you know, he's just only doing one thing wrong.
03:29Otherwise, I'd score with him.
03:32Hey.
03:32You see, most younger girls can fall in love with an older man
03:35very easily.
03:37In fact, not only can I say that from my own experience,
03:40but there have been several studies...
03:41She's like, I have two 100-year-old husbands.
03:45I think of older men as more confident, assertive,
03:48and masculine than guys their age.
03:50And that's incredibly sexy to a woman.
03:52So if you, as an older guy...
03:54This chick is great.
03:56Yeah.
03:58She's like, not afraid to say the things
04:00that I want to believe is the truth.
04:04Yeah, yeah, exactly.
04:07As an older guy, you don't want them to be impressed.
04:08You want them attracted.
04:09So this is a huge mistake.
04:10It makes you come off as a new tryhard
04:12and shows that you really don't trust
04:14in your own value as a major...
04:16So she's saying the problem is we're trying too hard?
04:19I don't know how much not harder I could try, you know?
04:23Hey.
04:23I mean, that might be impossible.
04:27Hey.
04:28Uh, yeah, really.
04:30We're sexy because we don't care.
04:33Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
04:35Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
04:36You make strong eye contact.
04:38And this seems small.
04:38Uh, yeah.
04:40I make strong eye contact with their butt.
04:43Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
04:45Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh
04:46-huh-huh-huh.
04:46This is such a neat little trick I guess the guys do.
04:51All you have to do is call a girl by a nickname that you gave her.
04:54Shatterbox, if she talks a lot...
04:56Nickname?
04:56Okay, I guess I could do that.
04:58What's a cute, fun nickname?
05:02Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
05:06Can I buy you a drink?
05:08My little asswipe?
05:11Also, you talk too much.
05:14I've noticed you've always got your nose in a book.
05:17So I'm gonna call you Butthole.
05:21Tip number four, small disagreements.
05:24So you see, another mistake guys make all the time...
05:27Wait a minute, butthead.
05:28Everything she's saying is stuff you do to me.
05:31You, like, disagree with me, and you call me names, and...
05:35Dammit, Beavis, no I don't.
05:37See, you're doing it right there. You're disagreeing with me.
05:39Dammit, Beavis, shut up.
05:41Butthead, are you trying to score with me?
05:43Dammit, Beavis, if you say one more thing like that,
05:46I'm gonna beat the crap out of you.
05:47Whoa, whoa, hey, take it easy.
05:49Kinda coming across as a little bit of a desperate trier or whatever.
05:54Dammit, butthole.
05:55Yeah, see, see, there's all the nicknames.
05:57Look, Butthead, I mean...
05:59You know, not that there's anything wrong with it, but...
06:01I just...
06:03My tastes don't run that way.
06:06Dammit, Beavis.
06:07See, physical touch.
06:09I know you're desperate to...
06:11Dammit, Beavis, I'm not trying to...
06:13It's not your fault.
06:15There's just one simple thing you're doing wrong.
06:18You have a schlong, see?
06:21Thank you for watching this video.
06:22Michael Rowe, the boat ashore.
06:26Hallelujah.
06:30Michael Rowe, the boat ashore.
06:33Hallelujah.
06:34I can't believe it, Butthead.
06:36We finally joined the army, and now we're going into combat.
06:41They say killing changes a man.
06:44It sure changed these poor bastards. Look at them.
06:49Hardened killers.
06:51Yep.
06:52Look at their eyes.
06:53Their souls are gone.
06:56Just a bus full of tough sons of bitches with one-way tickets to hell.
07:08Wow.
07:12So this is the jungle.
07:14Yeah.
07:19These weapons suck.
07:21How are you supposed to kill someone with a hammer?
07:24I don't know.
07:25Probably if you threw it at somebody really hard to...
07:29See?
07:30You're still alive.
07:32Oh, yeah.
07:33Yeah.
07:33Dammit.
07:35Uh, sir?
07:37We want to, like, see some action already?
07:40Yeah, yeah.
07:40Lock and load.
07:42You got it.
07:43Why don't you take these two nail guns and go help out Victor?
07:46Yeah.
07:47Yeah.
07:47Now we're talking.
07:48Yeah.
07:49Let's get it on, Beavis.
07:51Time to go wax that dude.
07:54Let's go rack up our body count.
07:56Yeah.
07:57Counting sucks.
08:03Oh, say, but I'm glad.
08:06I'm glad.
08:07Oh, say, but I'm glad.
08:09Oh, say, but I'm...
08:09Oh, say, but I'm...
08:10That's not good detail work.
08:12Bless their hearts.
08:13I better get a hammer.
08:16Hey, stay frosty.
08:17Well, looks like the enemy bugged out.
08:19Yeah, that sucks.
08:21We were gonna kick his ass.
08:23Hey.
08:24Uh, let's kick his fort's ass.
08:26Sir, yes, sir.
08:27Hey.
08:29Get some.
08:35You will never take our freedom.
08:37Yeah.
08:40Unleash hell.
08:42Special delivery from Uncle Faye.
08:45Yeah.
08:47Yeah.
08:50By the power of Greyskull.
08:55Well, Beavis, another win for America.
08:59We just, like, made some freedom.
09:01Hey.
09:02Oh, my God.
09:03What the hell did you guys do?
09:05We kept this country safe.
09:07That's what the hell we did.
09:08Yeah, while you were back there pushing papers around,
09:12we were risking our lives out here.
09:13Freedom isn't free.
09:14See what I'm saying?
09:15Sometimes you gotta...
09:17Ow!
09:20Hey, hey!
09:20Run!
09:22Goddammit!
09:22You can't handle the truth!
09:26You said handle.
09:27Get back here!
09:29You bastard!
09:34That's the problem, butthead.
09:36The politicians in Washington won't let us do what it is.
09:38What it takes to win.
09:40See?
09:41Yep.
09:42We're just gonna have to find the enemy on our own.
09:45Yeah, this is cool.
09:47We're like going commando, yeah.
09:51And, Beavis, if I don't make it back alive,
09:54tell your mom thanks for supporting my troops.
10:00I banged her, Mom.
10:06Shut up, buddy.
10:08Commando.
10:10I banged her for America.
10:32Hello, I'm Tom Anderson, veteran of two foreign wars.
10:37But today, Marcy and I are on vacation, here at this beautiful beach resort in Mexico, right there on the
10:45edge of the Sonora Desert.
10:47It is our first vacation in 15 years, what with being on a fixed income from a military pension, and
10:55it is a relaxing one, I tell you what.
10:58Beavis, let's kill that guy.
11:00Yeah!
11:01But no part of it was quite as relaxing as what happened this morning at the breakfast buffet.
11:07I approached what appeared at a distance to be ordinary waffles.
11:13What the hell?
11:16Like, eat nails or something.
11:18Yeah. Courtesy of the USA, you son of a bitch!
11:23Take that, you bastard!
11:27Hey, cut it out!
11:31Hey, stop!
11:37There, now. What was I talking about, Marcy?
11:40Right.
11:41Now, these waffles had a little surprise in them called chocolate chips.
11:47And one other secret ingredient.
11:50But that's a tale for the next Tom Anderson's Vacation Stories.
11:58Por favor, un otro.
12:01Get out of here! This place sucks!
12:04Please, get out of here!
12:06This place sucks!
12:08There, now.
12:08The end of this Town!
12:09The end of this Town is a good place.
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