- 2 hours ago
Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about an email from a listener who says his girlfriend accused him of cheating because he doesn't touch her ass as much anymore. During this conversation, Cort gives Chuck and Jason slaps on their asses.
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FunTranscript
00:00Buttery, vanilla, sweet, moist, the flavor and funfetti vibe of the perfect birthday cake in a two ounce bottle.
00:08You're a deeply troubled man.
00:11Yes.
00:12Five hour energy confetti craze.
00:21All right.
00:22Next email that came into us.
00:23Email at DaveandChuckTheFreak.com.
00:25This guy said, I never thought something like this would be possible.
00:28But my new girlfriend has implied that I'm cheating because I don't grope her like I used to.
00:36Guys, I never knew this was a thing.
00:39When we first started dating, there was the usual amount of booty grabbing, booby grabbing, along with other body parts.
00:47Six months ago, we moved in together.
00:50And admittedly, there hasn't been as much of that as there once was.
00:54But I had no clue this was an issue until yesterday.
00:57When she hit me with, well, clearly you're grabbing someone else's ass if you're not grabbing mine.
01:03Get your ass over here.
01:05I didn't even know it was an issue.
01:08I didn't even know it was a thought.
01:10Other than grabbing her butt more, what can I do to get to the bottom of what's going on here?
01:17You just listen.
01:18This is pretty clear.
01:20You moved in together.
01:22You moved in together, right?
01:23Yeah.
01:24Okay.
01:24So just so you know, like if I'm if I'm over at your house and I'm in a just visiting your house phase, we're grabbing butts.
01:33Butts are being grabbed.
01:36That is happening.
01:37If I'm living with you, like if there's less butt grab and I can't just grab your butt all the time.
01:44Your butt's always around.
01:46Right.
01:46I'm trying to give your butt a break.
01:48Just grab her butt more.
01:49I just grab it.
01:50Grab it.
01:51But obviously you have to do.
01:52Cheated on, right?
01:54Yeah.
01:56Sure.
01:56And that's the problem.
01:57Once someone gets cheated on and gets into that mental space.
02:01Yeah.
02:02It's hard to break that.
02:03A lot of women equate.
02:05Trust me.
02:06I know women.
02:07A lot of women equate how many times their butts grab to how much you love.
02:13So grab that butt.
02:14And men can feel the same way, too.
02:17And you know what?
02:17I'll grab court's butt.
02:18You're not really wrong.
02:19Not again.
02:20He's not really wrong.
02:22It's just affection, right?
02:24Affection.
02:25Affection is what you're showing to.
02:27Everyone shows it.
02:28If you don't show affection for your partner, yeah, they may think, geez, what's going on?
02:32But I can also understand how annoying I might be affection-wise to someone.
02:38And then I might hear, like I might get told, like, stop, like, leave me alone.
02:41And then eventually you kind of do.
02:43Like, eventually you listen.
02:46She's a new girlfriend?
02:48Like, how long have they, did he just move in together?
02:50They moved in together six months ago.
02:52Yeah, I mean, it's been six months, though.
02:54I mean, I can't grab your ass every single time.
02:57Oh, maybe I could.
02:58Yeah.
02:59It's only been six months.
03:00Come on, man.
03:00It's really early.
03:01Like, years down the road, I get it.
03:03Oh, yeah.
03:03Over years it could fade a bit.
03:05But six months in, honk, honk!
03:06I know, but, well, you know what?
03:09The thing is, she should have tested them, right?
03:12Because there's some honk-honk situations we cannot ignore.
03:18Right.
03:18You have, like, yoga pants on and do, like, get, pick the remote up.
03:22Honk-honk!
03:22Honk!
03:23Like, none of us are going to be able to stop that.
03:26But just be ready for disappointment.
03:28I tried to get my butt slapped, and I still haven't got it slapped.
03:32Oh, that's true.
03:33You were looking for it.
03:33You were pushing it out there.
03:34You need to go home, and you need to be like, you're slapping someone's ass!
03:38Yeah, whose ass are you slapping?
03:39You're not slapping mine!
03:40I put on yoga pants and everything!
03:42That's exactly what I'm going to say.
03:43You're just slapping somebody!
03:47Get your little lemons on and get down there!
03:50You may not get the slap you want.
03:51We just, you know, like, listen, we are going to slap, we're going to grab, we do all that
03:56stuff, but sometimes we are told, hey, stop that, stop that.
03:59I know, but honestly, even that is, that's just part of the game.
04:02I know it is.
04:03The don't touch me, that's, for the most part.
04:05That's when I pull out my Neil Peart drum solo.
04:08Oh, that'll get her.
04:11Everyone loves a good Rush drum solo.
04:13Every lady loves that.
04:14On their butt.
04:14And it's not always part of the game.
04:16No.
04:17No, it's not.
04:18See, that's the problem.
04:19I'm a little handsy.
04:21And it's like, most men are.
04:23It's like, stop touching me.
04:25Yeah, it can become too much around.
04:27It can, and it might have been heavy off of the first move-in.
04:32It could have been heavy for two months.
04:34But what he didn't realize is, oh no, like, she really doesn't mind it that much.
04:40So what do you do?
04:41Just grab her butt more.
04:42Just grab her butt more.
04:43Dude, that's all you have to do, honestly.
04:44Why do you stop in the first place?
04:45Because they just got, you know, got a little, oh, so get to grab it.
04:49Yeah.
04:49Give her attention.
04:50She just has attention.
04:51Attention and affection is what she needs.
04:52But don't, like, rush into it, right?
04:55You can't go.
04:55Oh, you can't be like, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk, honk.
04:57She's now, she made that accusation.
05:00Just do it naturally.
05:01Don't be like, yeah, la, la, la.
05:03Yeah.
05:03There's no way.
05:04I don't know how you look at a butt.
05:05I honestly, I don't know how you look at a butt and not at least.
05:09Give it a tap.
05:10Try something.
05:12I mean, like, you're together.
05:13Grab that butt.
05:14Grab the butt.
05:15And that's for everyone listening.
05:16That's your message of the day.
05:17Of course.
05:18Grab that butt.
05:19No matter how long you've been with someone, grab that butt.
05:23You should be annoying the crap out of your partner with butt grabs.
05:25Ladies, you too.
05:26Grab your man's butt now and again.
05:28Court, court, stay over there.
05:30Stop it.
05:30Just a little smack is all we ask.
05:32That's it.
05:32This guy wants to be smacked by now.
05:33If I'm standing at the stove and I'm cooking dinner.
05:36His butt smacks so bad.
05:38And I'm just wavering back and forth.
05:40Give me a tap.
05:40That's nice.
05:41That's nice.
05:42Someone please tap Jason's ass.
05:43I don't, I wouldn't.
05:45Tap that ass.
05:45Someone, anyone.
05:46He wants his wife to do it.
05:47100% I would be shocked.
05:49Lock your door.
05:51Oh, there he is right behind you.
05:53Yes, look out.
05:54You want to slap my butt?
05:55It's like a horror movie.
05:56Uh-oh.
05:57Get out of there, Jason.
05:58Oh, my God.
05:59He slapped his ass.
06:01What?
06:02What?
06:02What?
06:03What happened there?
06:05I liked it.
06:06I thought that Jason was about to leave the room.
06:09And he stood up for him to do it.
06:11You know in a horror movie when the killer's behind you and you're like, look around, turn
06:15around.
06:16The killer was right behind.
06:18The killer was in the same room.
06:19How do you feel?
06:19You happy now?
06:20You got that ass tap?
06:21The killer was in the same room.
06:22I don't feel great.
06:23That is odd.
06:25That is not a horror movie.
06:25I don't feel great.
06:26The anal avenger was here.
06:28Oh.
06:29It was a little sharper than I expected.
06:31He was.
06:32He did give it to you pretty good.
06:33And he came.
06:34Oh, look out.
06:34He's here.
06:35Oh, no.
06:36He's touching asses.
06:38What is happening?
06:39Get away.
06:40He can't touch my ass.
06:41I will stab him.
06:42The anal avenger.
06:43Don't do it.
06:43Don't do it.
06:44I don't stab him.
06:44I can't hear me.
06:45Don't anal avenger.
06:47There'll be one less Avenger.
06:48You'll be Robert Downey Jr.
06:49Do it.
06:50Get him.
06:51He's serious.
06:52Don't slap his butt.
06:54Get him.
06:55I will stab him.
06:56I've got my pen.
06:58He's ready to stab me.
07:00He just hit my chair.
07:01He's fine.
07:02Oh, my God.
07:02That was close.
07:03That was almost the end.
07:04That was close.
07:05I don't know how to move forward from this.
07:09I don't know what to say.
07:10How do you look at him again?
07:11Now I got to go home and tell Jesse, sorry, another man slapped my butt.
07:14This is the thing.
07:15I know that, listen, Court was a fellow baseball player.
07:20He smacked a lot of butts.
07:22Frat boy.
07:22You know, he's a frat boy.
07:24He smacked butts.
07:25It's not that big a deal.
07:26I know.
07:27At least you do.
07:28He never would have done that if you were in this room.
07:30He never would have done that.
07:31I'll be there in 20 minutes.
07:32All right.
07:32Thank God.
07:34Woo.
07:34What goes around comes around.
07:35It's not worth it.
07:36It's not worth it right now.
07:37Just stay home.
07:38Hide your butts.
07:39You guys are out of control in there.
07:41Oh, we can't.
07:42I mean, we're going stir crazy.
07:44You broke your leg.
07:45You broke your leg.
07:45That's what happened.
07:46Why'd you break your leg?
07:48We're grabbing each other's asses in here.
07:51Motioning up and grabbing asses.
07:53It's too much.
07:54You got to let Jesse know another man's touched your ass.
07:56Oh, yeah.
07:56She's going to know.
07:57Jesse, a man has touched my ass.
07:58I think I'm so sorry.
07:59But you wouldn't give me a butt slap, so I had to get it for my core.
08:02You butt cheated on her.
08:03I did.
08:04I feel good about it.
08:05You know what they say, you know?
08:09Like, if you don't get your ass slapped at home, you're going to get it slapped somewhere.
08:12Sometimes at work.
08:14I mean, ask a new shelf receipt.
08:15By the anal avenger.
08:17Oh, my God.
08:18What a great nickname for him.
08:20Just slap me hard, man.
08:20My butt hurts.
08:21Really?
08:22Still stinging?
08:23He was excited.
08:23Oh, he's into stuff.
08:24I think he was a little worried about slapping mine.
08:27He kind of gave me the side slaps.
08:28I saw it.
08:29I had a great view of that, by the way.
08:31What do you want to know about my sex life?
08:33Someone slapped your ass before that.
08:34Quite recently.
08:36You bet it, Dad.
08:37Good for you, man.
08:38I hope so.
08:38I don't mind it.
08:39I want you to get laid.
08:41Well, I don't.
08:42I haven't, so.
08:43There you go.
08:44It's just spanking.
08:46I have not.
08:48Anyway.
08:49Hands to yourselves.
08:51I don't know.
08:51Cheeks to yourselves.
08:52Man, I wanted him to slap your butt.
08:55Because you might.
08:55There was no way in hell that he was going to touch Dave.
08:58I was like, he can't.
08:59And you armed yourself with a pen.
09:01I did.
09:01I was ready to stab him.
09:03He was going to be inkling.
09:04That's crazy.
09:05Dave literally was ready to stab him.
09:07Look, I'm not messing around, man.
09:08I'll stab you.
09:10Robert Bounteo Jr.
09:11Yeah.
09:12They say a pen is a very dangerous weapon.
09:14It is.
09:14From the jugular.
09:17Bleed right out.
09:17You can always have a pen in your pocket.
09:19All over his baby blue hoodie.
09:22What would we have done?
09:23I mean, none of us could handle that.
09:24Or we'll just bleed out.
09:25You know where to go and get the first aid kit.
09:28That's not going to help him when you stab him in the neck.
09:31He's already dead.
09:32He'd bleed out on the floor.
09:35Well, don't touch me.
09:36What were we talking about?
09:38Oh, it's happening when he's asked.
09:40This guy is showing affection.
09:41Showing affection.
09:42Oh, yeah.
09:42Okay.
09:43So there you go.
09:44Show more affection.
09:44Show more affection.
09:45Bottom line.
09:46That's it.
09:46So there you go.
09:48So there you go.
09:50So there you go.
09:50So there you go.
09:50So there you go.
09:51So there you go.
09:51So there you go.
09:52So there you go.
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10:10So there you go.
10:11So there you go.
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