- 8 hours ago
Very Important People 2023 - Season 3 Episode 5 - Tba
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Hi, Eugene Cordero here. They gave me flesh-colored underwear, so we already know it's going to be a great day.
00:08Today we're giving this comedian a total transformation.
00:11Oh, great.
00:12They have no idea who or what they're about to become.
00:16Once they see themselves in the mirror, they'll have to make up a character on the spot and then sit down with me for an improvised interview.
00:24What is happening?
00:25This is Very Important People.
00:28You guys, this is so exciting.
00:33What is happening?
00:35I got a bunch of bubbles on my bald-ass head. I'm superhero-ish.
00:39My eyes shouldn't be this close together. It takes away my whole fucking thing.
00:44Please, zoom in on some of the details of the fact that my ears are missing.
00:49Am I like an island? Does something live on my head? Am I mid-bath right now?
00:53Maybe it's the color of the suit. I weirdly feel dolphin-ish.
00:57I'm straight bleach, motherfucker.
01:00I just don't like the bald head. I think that's what it is.
01:06Vic is a good host.
01:19Vic is a good host.
01:21Vic is a good host.
01:23Vic is a good host.
01:25Vic is a good host.
01:27Vic is a good host.
01:28Vic is a good host.
01:30Vic is a good host.
01:31we all have a story to tell and sometimes those stories need to be shared with the world
01:43good evening i'm vic michaelis back with another edition of very important people
01:50oh
01:52wow what an entrance thank you absolutely incredible please introduce yourself
01:59said so you may have seen me over the last two weeks
02:04if you didn't know me as said so before you probably if you're from this town know me as
02:15frederick this is for you by the way it doesn't have any powers that's just uh i just brought it
02:23yeah yeah it has bubbles yeah well fun oh i never thought to like take the bubbles out and then
02:29swing at him oh can i grab that back yeah oh no problem so i'll sort of give that back
02:32these bubbles okay and we'll and we'll take our seat
02:35ah get another one of those sudso it is absolutely incredible to have you here as everybody knows
02:42two weeks ago the laundromat incident i was there doing laundry like any normal citizen
02:49sure unless you have a washer dryer in your unit yeah that would be nice yeah and uh i was doing
02:54whites and that elderly woman put an entire box of off-brand tide pods in her laundry i'm watching
03:00you do it why didn't you say anything i mean i wasn't a superhero at the time well i mean you
03:03could have just said something why she's an older lady she's figured some of it out the entire
03:08laundromat starts filling with soap i thought i was done i looked over at the old lady she was
03:13you know done yes she unfortunately passed away because the hydro cannon sort of blasted her
03:18immediately into the windows she did one of these yeah yeah yeah it sounds funny it was pretty
03:24traumatic for her family i think oh sure yeah yeah and then bubbles started coming out of my mouth
03:29wow i'm able to create bubbles i believe what do you mean you believe well i've been trying to create
03:35my own bubbles the best i could do is like make one in my mouth okay let's see and then hope that
03:41it flies away okay okay did it go up uh no but you know there has to be something because you know
03:50when i woke up and i realized that i'm still alive i looked into the mirror realized that i look
03:55completely different than i did before sure and was hoping there'd be something positive to it i lost
04:00the ears and everything and i'm just like oh i didn't even see that oh no they're gone okay how is
04:04that affecting things can you hear what i'm saying weirdly i can't i think i can hear through my mouth
04:08or something echolocation is that a super bar i mean i guess it could be it kind of depends on the
04:12range here let's test it out all right i'm gonna sort of hide somewhere and use your echolocation to
04:16see if you can find me okay so uh close your eyes i'm gonna make it hard okay
04:20okay ah ah i don't have it okay so uh maybe something made me know on the echolocation yeah i don't have
04:35i was also really well hidden so i don't blame you and i'm sure that there's lots of other super
04:39powers that you can have yeah yeah i mean i feel lighter than i used to oh maybe my my weight has
04:44gone down could that be from sort of the stress and also have you been eating much since you
04:47transformed you know what no everything tastes like cilantro oh so then maybe that's it i've heard
04:52you've sort of shown interest in joining our regional superheroes the justice folks is that true i mean
04:57if i could get with the folks that would be awesome you've got great man he's the hero he can fly he can
05:02punch through walls you have a lady a lady is able to like you know always be first she's first she's
05:08shattering glass ceilings also a good listener and then there's sandman sandman of course who sort of
05:13gathers the sand and is able to shoot it back out well you had a meeting last week with great man
05:16i met with grape man and great man well great man is famously the head of the evil cohort the bad
05:22yeah and he's always so drunk on himself so right now we're sort of we're taking meetings with
05:25everybody so i'm taking meetings well just because i'm like where do i stand i figured let me get a suit
05:30so my auntie made this suit for me it's a great suit i kept the colors kind of bubble ask just so
05:38if i decide not that anybody decides to go bad sure you know they're just traumatized by something and
05:45then you know the way that they handle themselves afterwards feels negative are you considering going
05:51bad well i just feel like i look terrible and people respond to me as a negative thing so then i
05:59respond back of saying i'm here to help if you don't want my help i can hurt you i guess oh okay
06:05but that's just because i'm i'm reacting well i can see you're feeling a little bit torn so we
06:10actually have a personality test oh we would like to help run on you i just want to see if this can
06:15help us figure out where our feelings on this one how would you describe yourself alone sort of a state
06:22of being rather than a personality trait and that's really interesting what do you mean like how i would
06:27answer that is i i would describe myself as a news anchor okay do put that for me well you're not a
06:31news anchor i'm a news anchor you don't want to be a news anchor why because there's a limited amount
06:35of spots uh for that and we're all sort of competing for him okay next what usually triggers your anger
06:39or frustration um everyone everyone okay how do you usually approach big decisions i handle them
06:46handle could mean so many things give me something that i have to decide on um what do you want for
06:50lunch today food do you want something hot do you want something cold who am i going to sit with i want
06:56something hot and i will sit by myself okay so we'll say handle them i think that that's yeah
07:00i handled that one really quick didn't i last but not least if you could sum up your personality in a
07:04single metaphor or image what would it be i mean now it's a bubble fragile but beautiful i was gonna
07:10say easily pop that's interesting and your personality type is oh inconclusive these things
07:17honestly i think are kind of rigged anyway because when i took it it said i was a narcissist and i was
07:20like that's not right uh so we'll go ahead and we'll get a pa to grab this there's infinite ways
07:24in which we can figure out whether or not we're a good superhero bad superhero yes a big way to get
07:28into it is like every superhero has a big pose that they do you know what i mean what pose would you
07:32make if it was sort of like you know oh there's like a little child in a tree kid you're clapping
07:37at the kid yeah he's in a tree right why are you doing this because i'm wondering what he's doing
07:41up there how'd you get there my kite got stuck in the tree and so i had to climb up and get it you
07:46went after it i ran after my kite my babysitter got lost you gotta get a new babysitter how much is your
07:51babysitter getting paid 25 an hour oh what can you help me yeah i mean i could do that then please
07:57do no no no i can be your like babysitter 25 an hour okay so maybe we just do a different one
08:03wait wait is this a is this real what do you mean you know these people no so this is sort of an
08:07exercise that we're doing just sort of like help you come up with some superhero poses so you don't
08:11go evil okay let's try a different one okay so maybe there's there's somebody over here and
08:15they're like help someone stole in my purse what was in there a hundred dollars and do you have a
08:21job yes i just retired from being an administrative assistant oh so you got another hundred dollars
08:26for us to run after that feels like a lot of work but the purse is an heirloom an heirloom and
08:30you're walking around on the street with it okay if it's an heirloom you keep it in your closet or you
08:35lock it up time time out and we're going to cut to a cut to a commercial break
08:38hi i'm vick michaelis and today we are having a mindfulness minute presented by chomsky's
08:46america's tastiest heartiest mindfulness chip okay and start the timer
08:50and time amazing i feel better and i know you do too
09:00and i just can't have you turning evil on my show no no no i'm just letting you know
09:06that all of these scenarios just seem really easy to handle without a superhero involved
09:13like that's that purse scenario i'm like if it's an heirloom and it she's got a hundred dollars like
09:19i'll take it you know what i mean saying you would steal her purse i'll just take it i don't steal
09:22what's the difference between taking it and stealing it you know what i mean it seems like a semantic it
09:26seems like if you're taking something you're stealing it then let's talk semantics shit what the
09:29no hey what is this hey you cannot be a bad guy let's play a scenario let's do another scenario
09:34we're gonna do another scenario and you're gonna do it right you're gonna be a good guy
09:36okay because i need the headline to be vick michael saves another person okay final scenario
09:40here um oh i got a great one there's an entire office building and it's on fire you run into
09:45the building to save everybody so ready no no oh no the office is on fire get out get out of there
09:52i wish we could but the door is blocked so i'm stuck in here too i'm out of here
09:57okay no you get and the door is blocked the door is blocked because it's on fire and you
10:01you've opened it and you've saved us thank you sunso our hero you didn't check this door
10:07huh you guys are idiots in here man what do you guys do in this office it's an insurance firm
10:12how much do they get paid i don't know they're making a hundred thousand dollars a year it's
10:14a hundred thousand dollars each you saved everyone i would set that place on fire
10:17and sort of a bubble noise okay we're gonna sort of shake that off
10:22we got a fun segment called what's in my bag let's do it all right let's have a pa fly in
10:27sunso's bag did you look what was inside of it well we're about to do that right now but did you
10:34look through my stuff hey oh no bro it's no he's did you look through my stuff and it's okay
10:39no no no i'm just wondering like if he's grabbing my bag we are so appreciative of our of our pa and
10:45we also can't let him talk because then that's sort of is it's a sag thing so we can go ahead and
10:49take a seat i'm just wondering if he went through my bag well you were about to go we will because
10:54it's a segment but prior to it did he check to see what was inside maybe and maybe not it also
10:59i don't really see are you worried that he stole something or just that he looked just give me his
11:02first and last name that's all when i leave i'm not gonna do that what's in my bag okay so first
11:06and foremost we have okay one two three four five yeah red cups you see that movie which one
11:12okay oh pitch perfect yes okay give us a little taste oh what the feeling when you're dancing on it
11:24okay and so there we go and there's that okay next okay tomato ketchup so you just have a whole bottle
11:30of ketchup in your bag well you know sometimes they have the wrong type of ketchup at a restaurant
11:36you know they sort of make small packets for that okay so i do i use a lot of ketchup in each of my
11:41things and uh every once in a while if they don't have something i put some ketchup in a cup one of
11:46your playing cups one of my playing cups and i just get a new cup i mean sure a cheap cup i don't know
11:50is that cheap for you how much you make on this i'm not telling you that that's not important as a
11:55as a group as here we're sort of all making the same amount in the sense that we all walk out with
11:59the same sense of accomplishment right everybody makes the same no it's very different and we're
12:02actually not allowed to talk about it um okay we got some soup big fan of tomato sauces i'm a big
12:08fan of um things that are red and tomato sauces just because everything i do now is blue you want
12:13to be purple purple feels like figured some stuff out feels comfortable in their own skin sure they're
12:19different now but like possibly in a bad way but probably in a good way but then purple is also like
12:25what a bruise is you know like what a bruise looks like when it's at its worst metaphorically yeah and
12:31it hurts to touch so then it fights back it metaphorically fights bad by being good but maybe
12:39i doubt it okay well you know what let's move on to sort of our last item in the bag and that is oh
12:43a beautiful sixth place ribbon yeah it was a singing competition where there was only five people
12:49competing well actually remember this mr great got first place great man's real name is is joshua by
12:55the way you can't say that we can't say that joshua william okay we'll cut that we'll cut that part
12:59obviously it's him you know he's the newspaper reporter that gets all of the hot tips about
13:04great man that's obvious it's him kidding just kidding just because he's got a tie you guys are
13:09stupid come on man that's a pretty bad thing to do it's a pretty bad thing for a good person to say
13:15and you're a good person okay no not okay you are a good person and i'm gonna find one good thing
13:20about you so that way you can go and live your destiny which is to be a superhero and then i can get
13:25all the credit for it okay all right shoot how about this i'm gonna ask you some rapid fire
13:28questions rapid fire that's a bubble wand whoa oh oh whoa hey that's mine i told you sorry
13:35sadzo what is your favorite way to relax just like sitting in a dark room you like to meditate i like
13:42to meditate yeah yeah i love that i have an exercise that i do which is i say a word and then they say
13:47the first word that comes back oh okay so i'll say like friendship who okay good riddance what about
13:53this helping hands helping hands what a wonderful thought yeah because it makes me think of my hands
13:59helping your throat like somebody's choking well yeah somebody's choking because of these and then
14:06there's a moment where you're like oh you're scared can i can i ask you did you kill somebody before you
14:12became a superhero did i kill somebody well you're just saying like helping hands you've only been a
14:16superhero over two weeks i know isn't it crazy i'm just having a hard time deciphering were you like
14:20this prior to this oh before no i was frederick before this no i understand you were frederick
14:24i'm sentona were you a sociopath before this what is that just somebody that can't understand that
14:28other people have thoughts and feelings oh i understand they have thoughts but does it matter
14:32if you don't care i think that's maybe a big part of it but you know what i think that's okay because
14:36sometimes those that think different can do the most good in the world right you think a little bit
14:40different so you see things a little bit different you can help oh yeah i see things totally
14:43different oh oh this is a really great one how would you describe your sense of style
14:47my auntie gave me this light blue suit i say outside i never wore tight stuff before
14:53and she was like it makes you look like a superhero and i'm like does it sounds like she cared enough
14:59to make something for you i don't know i don't know where she is now how do you not know where your
15:03aunt is well i said thank you in a weird way i guess what i gave her a hug okay like this no no you
15:12can't say that with my helpful hands your judgment comes in no i'm not judging and so we're gonna go
15:17ahead and we're gonna ask another question okay how about this what are you gonna be for halloween
15:21i was hoping to be the blues clues guy oh sure but i think now that would look weird because of the
15:28bubbles what's a costume you can sort of suspend disbelief i hope people could i doubt they will
15:33so you're sort of saying the bubbles would be distracting it'll all be distracting and they would
15:36i could feel the judgment so halloween is probably gonna be a day i stay in and i think that's
15:42absolutely a fair and valid choice and maybe i don't have a problem maybe you have the problem
15:46maybe everybody out there has the problem and maybe it's my job to help you solve those problems
15:53maybe i should start fires and buildings put kids in trees take people's purses so that you for the
15:59first time have to deal with it and make you realize that you're a bad person maybe that everybody
16:04out there are bad people is this one on okay you're sort of rallying the crew um so you know i think
16:09uh you know hey hey how much do you make man no you can't ask that this one's not a tripod you're
16:13holding yours sonzo hey sonzo are you making more sonzo think about it okay so you can't i didn't give
16:18this to you you didn't i didn't give it back to you you're wasting the battery sonzo i think what
16:22you're not realizing is so many people feel like you you know what i mean so many people feel like life
16:26has has been built up around and against them and that there's nothing that they can do about it
16:31and what if you channeled this and you did something positive with it you showed all of
16:35those people that there's a way forward and it's together and you could sort of be the leader of
16:40those people in a way to make positive change for the world so there's people out there that believe
16:44the same thing that i believe yes so i could have like a whole group of people behind me fighting for
16:50the same thing that i'm fighting yes exactly and that would be all of the people that treated us the
16:56way that they've treated us so then ultimately we as a group could fight back are you monologuing
17:05and get rid of all of those people individually no i can stand with everybody that's going to turn
17:11on the spotlight and do not do it everybody out there listen to me if you were hurt like i am hurt
17:16go out there and individually use your helpful hands and put them against the throats of the people
17:23that you are up against turn that off i'm not talking about you with the tripod i'm talking to
17:28you that has to hold it everybody who has to hold their own weight stop giving gifts take your gifts
17:33back clean the streets clean the world plug on and unplug it okay so there we go you can hear me right
17:41okay guess what if you're gonna be the bad guy then i'm gonna be the good guy i'm the bad guy
17:48yeah i think i speak for everybody when i say i think that you are unfixable so wow what unfixable
17:55no oof no you're sort of saying it like that's rough no do you hear that no no i'm one of the
18:02unfixables i'm sure there's people out there who feel like they are the unfixables the ones who feel
18:10like oh do i feel different am i a former man with ears that now has a bubble crowd i there's gotta
18:19be at least one other person who was fucking doing laundry at the same time i was and probably had
18:23the same situation there was and she died remember oh fuck yeah i would have killed her though okay
18:31i'm fit mikhail's reminding you to be true to yourself unless you'd rather be somebody else
18:34good night there thank you you had such an opportunity to do something and make something
18:43of yourself oh man and i took it huh no i didn't realize how good friends we became no we didn't
18:50become friends and i'm not endorsing this how much do you make them no i'm not telling you how to make
18:53on the show
19:23you
Comments