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Handsome Hank | Viva TV
Transcript
00:00We're moving on to a new era in Barstel basketball history.
00:04You're fat! You're fat!
00:06Make a shot, Shay. Jesus Christ!
00:08We're gonna have a little Magic Friday.
00:13I created the perfect hour of sex.
00:16Stick with us as we welcome **** to Barstel Sports.
00:19Crazy, congrats. How was 11?
00:31Sick.
00:32Did you see the strippers?
00:34Yeah, are they bartenders, but also strippers? Like also waitresses?
00:39The bartenders wear slutty outfits, they're not strippers,
00:44but the hot girls that were walking around in skin-tight dresses, those were strippers.
00:48All the waitresses are in the same clothes.
00:50Well, I guess everyone's a stripper that night.
00:56Both nights I left at like 6 in the morning.
00:59Good, that's what it should be.
01:00And everyone's like, dude, you have to be on blow.
01:03I'm like, no.
01:04Well, honestly, most normal animals would be on blow.
01:08I mean, you're just an animal.
01:10I told you that when we did Beach House.
01:12I'm a fake drinker compared to you.
01:14Like, you just drink and you go.
01:17It feels like surreal.
01:19He's a guy that documented everything.
01:21He's the G.
01:24What's up?
01:25How you doing?
01:26Good.
01:27Good.
01:28Good.
01:29Good.
01:30Good.
01:31Good.
01:32Good.
01:33Good.
01:34Good.
01:35Good.
01:36My buddy.
01:37Show him.
01:38Good.
01:39Monty.
01:40Good.
01:41He was in the .
01:42Here they are.
01:43Super stop.
01:44That's him.
01:45Под ...
01:46Great work as always.
01:47Mikey.
01:48That was the best way that game could have won, tight asshole, last drive of the game.
02:01That's how you want to win.
02:03And you clearly beat a worthy team.
02:06Like Miami by the end was clearly the second best team in the country.
02:09100%.
02:10And very good.
02:11No more Nike bets in here.
02:15We're moving on to a new era in Barstool basketball history.
02:21No more Coach Betts.
02:22Big Cat's taking over.
02:23He told us to bring our running shoes today.
02:26This is going to separate a lot of the men from the boys.
02:29I'm probably one of the boys because I have no cardio.
02:33I just hope I don't get cut.
02:34That would be a tough ending to my series.
02:37But today's going to really show us what we're all about.
02:41I think this is a whole new era for the team.
02:44I think we're taking this game down on Wednesday and then we're going into the playoffs hot.
02:49I think Coach Big Cat will have some set plays.
02:52I think he'll have some more direction in our offense.
02:58And I think he'll be a little bit more of a hard ass than Mikey Betts.
03:00I think Mikey Betts was a player's coach.
03:03And I don't think Big Cat's going to have any time for excuses.
03:07I think he'll be on our ass.
03:10So, we'll see.
03:12But, I'm excited.
03:13I didn't know he was over there.
03:16I said you were a player's coach.
03:19Yeah.
03:20I agree.
03:21It's a good thing.
03:22Yeah, yeah.
03:23Appreciate that.
03:24Sorry Coach.
03:26Not anymore.
03:27Not Coach anymore.
03:28Okay.
03:29Let's just be honest with ourselves here.
03:42We fucking suck.
03:43We haven't won a game.
03:44We suck at conditioning.
03:45We suck at shooting.
03:46We don't have plays.
03:48We suck.
03:49So, today what we're going to do, we're going to practice with a purpose.
03:52We're going to get some competition going up.
03:54I'm going to have you guys go against each other in some drills.
03:57We're going to maybe work on our conditioning a little bit.
04:00And hopefully we get better.
04:01We just got to get a little bit better every single day until we can win a game.
04:05And then I'm going to retire and go off in the sunset.
04:07You guys are going to lift me up on your shoulders and I'm going to be like, see ya.
04:10Alright?
04:18Let's go.
04:19Let's go.
04:20Let's go.
04:21Let's go.
04:22Offhand.
04:23Offhand.
04:24Offhand.
04:25Pass.
04:26Good, Connor.
04:27This is terrible.
04:28Oh my God.
04:29We're bad.
04:30We're bad.
04:31Anything redeemable so far?
04:37Not so far.
04:39Where's the hook?
04:40Where's the hook, Nicky?
04:41That's not a hook.
04:43There you go.
04:45I'm going to give you this ball.
04:47You're gonna pass it and say one more.
04:49One more.
04:50And then you're gonna pass it and say one more.
04:51One more.
04:52You're gonna pass it and say one more.
04:53You're gonna shoot.
04:54So the shot's always out in there?
04:56No, no.
04:57All four of them are shooting.
04:58You hit the same side.
04:59Wait, he's not rotating?
05:00I thought we were rotating in.
05:01Yes, everyone's shooting and then they rotate out.
05:03You slide down a slot.
05:04Then you slide down a slot.
05:05Yeah, so it is always shot from the corners.
05:06No.
05:07Everyone's shooting.
05:08There's four balls.
05:09Four balls.
05:10Oh, okay, okay.
05:11Four balls.
05:12Six.
05:15I made none of them.
05:18All right?
05:19One more.
05:20One more.
05:21That's just Marcelino.
05:24Zero.
05:27Zero.
05:28This is a confederate.
05:30Come on, come on.
05:42Nice, Chief.
05:44That was confederate.
05:46That was confederate.
05:48Alright. That was so bad.
05:50How many did we get? Thirteen?
05:52Thirteen. Jesus Christ.
05:54We gotta work on shooting.
05:56We gotta work on shooting.
05:57I have another shooting drill,
05:59but I'm worried to do it because I think you guys might die.
06:03Run, run, run, run!
06:13Up! Go!
06:15Come on!
06:21Oh my God!
06:23Come on, Daniel!
06:25You're fat!
06:27You're fat!
06:29You're fat!
06:31Stop being fat!
06:33You're fat!
06:35You're fat!
06:37You're fat!
06:39Stop being fat!
06:41You're fat!
06:43Oh no!
06:45Oh, it's going in!
06:47Come on!
06:49Come on!
06:51Come on!
06:53All year we weren't out of shape.
06:55This ain't no joke, dog.
06:57They're just dead!
06:59Showing up and showing up and being gassed.
07:01They're just fun.
07:03It's just fun.
07:05It's fun practice.
07:06This is what we shouldn't be doing all year.
07:0711, don't make it end on a lay-out.
07:10Don't make it end on a lay-out.
07:12Come on!
07:15Come on!
07:17You're pathetic, Shane.
07:18You're pathetic.
07:19You're good, you're good.
07:20You're pathetic.
07:21Run a little harder.
07:26Oh, man.
07:28He sucks.
07:29Look at this.
07:30I'm gonna bring a seat out.
07:32Look at how bad you are.
07:33All right, you got two.
07:34At this rate, you're gonna have to take fucking 10.
07:3710 lay-ups.
07:39Oh, my God.
07:42Make a shot, Shane.
07:43Jesus Christ.
07:45That's your game.
07:46Make a shot.
07:47That's your game.
07:48Hit this three.
07:49Hit this fucking three right now.
07:54That's three.
07:55You're stuck on three.
07:56All you made is lay-ups.
08:01I think this is gonna be here.
08:02We're gonna be here for 10 minutes.
08:04He's on four.
08:05He's made four lay-ups.
08:06He's made four lay-ups.
08:08He's missed every fucking shot.
08:10He's made four lay-ups.
08:13Oh, my God.
08:16Let's go.
08:17Let's go.
08:18What?
08:19They can't shoot.
08:21They need a spot-up shooter.
08:22They got no conditioning.
08:23They got no conditioning.
08:24They can't shoot.
08:25A little bit of adversity.
08:26They all fall.
08:27Oh, one shot.
08:29I can't help.
08:29I can't help with the conditioning.
08:31Spot-up shooter now.
08:33I could shoot.
08:34All right, we are here at Barstool Sports with breaking news.
08:37I'm just being told that my foreign roommate, AKA Ella Shiva from Instagram and TikTok, who
08:43you may have seen, is joining the pirate ship.
08:46That's right.
08:47I'm gonna give her a tour here momentarily.
08:48Stick with us as we welcome her to Barstool Sports.
08:50Well, hi.
08:51I'm Fire.
08:52Hi, nice to meet you.
08:53How are you?
08:54I'm Liv.
08:55Well, I want to make sure we get you some screen time on the app.
08:57Okay.
08:58So what, I, I'm like, I briefed myself a little bit on the app, but I'm not...
09:02It's basically like a bunch of fucking, like, middle schoolers sitting, eating at a lunch table,
09:07just talking about random bullshit.
09:09Okay.
09:10Like, there's no theme or, like, like, they're probably gonna have you run the gauntlet,
09:14which is basically like an obstacle course.
09:16Oh, yeah.
09:17Are you familiar with this?
09:18Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:19I saw Luke Combs did it.
09:20Yeah, yeah.
09:21And then they'll probably just ask you a little bit about, like, yourself or, like, yeah.
09:25Yeah.
09:26So what's the actual challenge?
09:27What do you have to do?
09:29For the gauntlet?
09:30Yeah.
09:31So it's like, there's probably like 10 steps.
09:33You'll have to throw a bean bag into the cornhole.
09:36Okay.
09:37And then once you do that, you'll come over here and you have to score a goal.
09:40That would be three soccer balls.
09:41Cake.
09:42Yeah.
09:43Are you a soccer girl?
09:44No.
09:45Okay.
09:46Well, see those bodies?
09:47You have to keep doing it until you get it?
09:48Or, like, if you miss it, you miss it?
09:50No, you keep doing it.
09:51You keep doing it.
09:52Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:53So don't give up.
09:54Yeah.
09:55And your time doesn't stop until you're all the way at the end.
09:57But we're not even close to the end.
09:59Ice cream machine.
10:00This is, like, what they have on cruise ships.
10:02Yeah.
10:03Big Cat was adamant that he needed one in the office.
10:05And now we have a cream team of, like, three people that monitored this.
10:09Including Jacob, who gave it to you.
10:11And Zack.
10:12They monitor it?
10:13And Zack.
10:14Like, they sit here and just, like, give it out?
10:15Well, they make sure that it's ready to go.
10:16If you wanted ice cream right now, you could get ice cream.
10:20There's toppings.
10:21We have a topping thing over here.
10:23There's all some stuff.
10:24So at any point, you can just come over and just get fat with it if you wanted to.
10:29So you guys literally just sit all day, eat, drink, do nothing.
10:34It's perfect.
10:35Yeah.
10:36You pretty much.
10:37Why doesn't everyone want to work here?
10:38They do.
10:39They do.
10:40You've got it figured out.
10:41Let's see your swirl.
10:42Should I do?
10:43I'll do the middle.
10:44So the middle is swirl.
10:45I think this one is.
10:46This is vanilla.
10:47This is chocolate.
10:48Okay.
10:49This is the both.
10:50I've never.
10:51I've never done this one.
10:53Oh.
10:54Okay.
10:55I expected it to be better, but it's fine.
11:00And then just add like sprinkles.
11:01If you want any.
11:02They used to have hot fudge in this thing, but.
11:03Oh shit.
11:04No.
11:05Yeah.
11:06This is like caramel.
11:07Is that new?
11:08Damn.
11:09I haven't seen that yet.
11:10I might have to make an ice cream.
11:11Um.
11:12It looks a little sad, but.
11:13I tried.
11:14That's cone once.
11:15Eventually.
11:16I'll make progress.
11:17Hey, Mikey.
11:18Where are my keys at?
11:19I don't have your keys.
11:20I said in stuff.
11:21All I took was the laptop.
11:22I swear.
11:23Where's my fucking keys?
11:24This is Liz.
11:25You know Liz.
11:26Very nice to meet you.
11:27All right.
11:28This is Liz.
11:29You guys are me.
11:30I don't have your keys.
11:31I don't have your keys.
11:32I said in stuff.
11:34All I took was the laptop.
11:35I swear.
11:36Where's my fucking keys?
11:37This is Liz.
11:38Nice to meet you.
11:39Nice to meet you.
11:40Where's my keys?
11:41I swear to God.
11:42I'm baby.
11:43I don't have that.
11:44The only thing I have is Liz's bagel.
11:45You can pat me down.
11:46You can search my stuff.
11:47Oh yeah, thank you.
11:48No, you got it.
11:49You got it?
11:50I swear.
11:51I told you.
11:52I swear to God.
11:53If I find you on camera, I'm going to blow you with some of the rings.
11:55I told you it's done with.
11:56It's done with, Mikey.
11:57I like Mikey.
11:58Yeah, he's funny.
11:59Thanks.
12:00Appreciate it.
12:01Nice to meet you.
12:08Coffee just dropped out of her hand directly into Jacob's backpack.
12:21It's okay.
12:22It's in the front pocket.
12:23It's fine.
12:24It's fine.
12:25It's when I start crying.
12:26That's so bad.
12:27No one tell him.
12:28He's never gonna know.
12:29Oh my god, his ball in.
12:30Okay.
12:31that's all fine in there.
12:32That'd be a panic attack.
12:37That'd be a panic attack.
12:40How is Jacob?
12:42It's fine.
12:43It's not a good deal.
12:44I have so much random shit here honestly.
12:46I've had this backpack since the US.
12:50I don't know what he did for the class.
12:52Anyway, he's too busy back in depth.
12:55You guys like who else is overnight?
12:58The Senate?
12:59I've had this backpack since my freshman year of high school.
13:04So it's old as hell.
13:06Why are there things already in plastic bags like you were preparing for this?
13:11Organized.
13:12This, well, yeah, this is like vitamin C and like first aid kit.
13:20It's really okay.
13:21Okay, I'm sobbing.
13:23No, there's nothing important in here, I swear.
13:26Nothing, honestly, nothing got wrong.
13:28What?
13:29It's ruined.
13:31It's ruined.
13:32It's ruined, I know.
13:33I know, you're chill.
13:34I like this.
13:35That was so unfortunate.
13:37I don't need a new backpack, I swear.
13:39There's sunscreen in here.
13:42Oh, this is a pen my mom got me for Christmas.
13:46It literally has a little poop.
13:50Isn't it fun?
13:51She couldn't have dropped coffee in a less important backpack.
14:01You're good.
14:02Okay.
14:02You're good.
14:03met Liz yesterday.
14:13Hey, Ken KB.
14:14Liz, hello.
14:15Kyle.
14:16Nice to meet you.
14:17I'm not Liz.
14:18Oh, yeah, yeah.
14:19She's a foreign roommate.
14:20I want to make an announcement.
14:22She come here yesterday, tried to steal my identity.
14:26She's a liar.
14:27Oh, good enough.
14:28Good enough.
14:33Let's go.
14:34Soccer.
14:34Soccer.
14:35Football.
14:36Football.
14:36Football.
14:37Football.
14:38Football.
14:39Football.
14:40Football.
14:41Football.
14:42Football.
14:43The queen.
15:08There we go.
15:08The joker.
15:09There we go.
15:11And the king.
15:12The, the sphinxers.
15:15Oh, here we go.
15:16The sphinxers.
15:16The sphinxers.
15:18That's my name.
15:19Um, lemon, orange.
15:21Here we go.
15:23Cherry.
15:23We're cooking.
15:25Watermelon.
15:26Marine apple.
15:28Marine.
15:30Yeah, you got one more, one more, one more.
15:33Banana.
15:34Banana.
15:35A pizza.
15:39Sounds like a million.
15:40A donut.
15:41A donut.
15:42Yeah, if your spellbinders here, you and your friends have to be blindfolded, it hasn't made
15:46you feel.
15:47I really just think that I should be the one blindfolded, and that's pretty wild that everybody
15:53else is getting rubbed into this when, you know, I've been the only one getting dog for
15:58it and everything.
15:59So that, yeah, that's bizarre.
16:00But I have no problem sitting there with a blindfold.
16:03I've already seen the spellbinder.
16:05He's a great guy.
16:05I already got to talk to him a little bit.
16:07And I hope everybody else gets to witness the illusion, the magic that is the spellbinder.
16:12Because he's a great dude.
16:15He's a Chicago legend.
16:16We have spellbinder here.
16:18Yeah.
16:18Setting up right now.
16:20Spellbinder!
16:20I cannot be more excited.
16:21Spellbinder!
16:23We're going to have a little magic Friday.
16:26But not for everybody.
16:27Not for everybody.
16:28You and me, they call me the spellbinder.
16:30Let me hear you say spellbinder.
16:33Spellbinder!
16:33The concept is that a solid object cannot go through a solid object without damage.
16:39Danny.
16:40Danny, can you rub the back of that spoon?
16:42Do you feel any holes, openings, slots?
16:44I do not spellbinder.
16:45And the handle is nice and solid.
16:47Sure.
16:48This is impossible.
16:48You cannot shove a solid steel knife through a solid steel spoon.
16:53Unless you have a fork.
16:56Oh!
16:57What the hell?
17:00I'm going to take the good ends.
17:02I'm going to place those in the center.
17:03Oh!
17:06And I'm going to start over with just one rope.
17:08How about that?
17:09Are we having fun yet?
17:10Yeah!
17:10Yeah!
17:24Oh!
17:29Yes!
17:32Oh!
17:32What?
17:33What?
17:42Oh!
17:43Hey, yo!
17:44Holy shit.
17:45Holy shit.
17:45I spell my second.
17:47Oh, shit.
17:55There's something in there.
17:56Air, air not only has the power to heal, but also has the power to produce what?
18:09Life.
18:10Life.
18:11Whoa!
18:19They call me the spellbinder, peace, love, and magic.
18:24We got two of them!
18:27You're not?
18:29Yes.
18:30Oh!
18:31Are you kidding?
18:41So, in other words, I mean, that'll be the last day you can get to lunch.
18:44I know you work.
18:45You know what we should do, honestly?
18:47They're good?
18:48I'm gonna go visit my mom sometime in the summer.
18:51I would love to bring my mom to your pool.
18:53She's been dying for it, Stu.
18:55Amazing.
18:56She's got fake tits.
18:57And she has fake tits, too.
18:58Amazing.
18:59You can look at them.
19:00You can look at them.
19:01Can't touch, you can't touch.
19:02No touching!
19:03You can look.
19:04Sandy says I can look at any tits.
19:05No touching.
19:06But you can look at her fake tits the whole time she's been looking.
19:08Have you seen them?
19:09Oh, yeah.
19:10Are they worth looking?
19:11Oh, yeah.
19:12Oh, my God.
19:13Fair enough.
19:14Let's do that.
19:15Sandy, is that okay with you?
19:17That's fine.
19:18So excited.
19:19I wish I just taped that whole conversation and it would have been played with your mom.
19:25See, it's cool.
19:26His mom's part of the show.
19:28She knows Hollywood.
19:29Oh, yeah.
19:30Oh, yeah.
19:31So, we'll do that, Stu.
19:32Ready to roll.
19:33What's up?
19:34So, I think what we're thinking for, I'll bring you in.
19:39I'm going to ask Stu off the bat, like, how he would describe himself in real life.
19:45Because people always ask that.
19:46And then I'm going to say, like, would you describe yourself as an intercourse guy?
19:50And then I'll be like, well, I have someone here that wouldn't.
19:53Would you mind doing an advice session?
19:55And then we have this little stool.
19:57If you would be able to just come in and just, like, Stu's going to be here and then just,
20:03like, sitting.
20:04Put the stool down.
20:05Yeah.
20:06Is that cool?
20:07Yeah.
20:08Let's go.
20:09That's huge.
20:10Thank you so much.
20:11We're, okay, we're sitting here?
20:12Yes.
20:13Okay.
20:14So, I'll do a little, like, tiny little intro.
20:15Okay.
20:16Um, because we added in, like, clapping.
20:18Do I like myself or?
20:20Or you'll like me.
20:21You know how to do it?
20:22No.
20:23You have to put it up through your shirt.
20:25Do it.
20:26Do it.
20:27No.
20:28What did you do?
20:29Yeah.
20:30He's like, we're off to the races.
20:32Off to the races.
20:33Right?
20:34Who saw Marty Supreme?
20:36Anyone here?
20:37Yeah, I did.
20:38Did you like it?
20:39Not as much as the people say.
20:41I thought it sucked dick.
20:42Yeah.
20:43No, I love Timothee Chalamet and everything, but I thought it was so unbelievable.
20:48Like, first of all, he makes the Jews look horrible and we don't need any fucking Jewish
20:53hate more than it is.
20:54Like, what a fucking fuck.
20:56I hated him.
20:57Second of all, like, how is that even possible?
21:02You didn't see it?
21:03I haven't seen it.
21:04Right.
21:05I'm sorry for ruining it.
21:06And our guest is a gambling legend, Sue Feiner.
21:09Let's go.
21:10Let's go.
21:11Do you like having sex?
21:12Do it.
21:13I love Do it.
21:14Because I'm fat.
21:16Do it.
21:17I love Do it.
21:18Because I'm fat.
21:20Have you heard of the 15-15-30 by chance?
21:22Are we talking incline treadmill?
21:24No.
21:25No.
21:26I created the perfect hour of sex when I came to bar store.
21:32Let's say if I'm in your teens or in your twenties, it's 15 minutes eating the woman's
21:37ass.
21:38And it's breathtaking.
21:40It's delicious.
21:41You would say, that's disgusting.
21:42Poopy comes at it.
21:43No.
21:44That's not true.
21:45First of all, never poop.
21:46They don't poop.
21:47They don't poop.
21:48And their ass smells like buttermilk pancakes on a morning due day.
21:51Most of the time, you cannot make a woman c***** by putting your c***** in them and pounding
21:58them.
21:59Okay?
22:00You can't.
22:01And the tongue flickers back and forth.
22:03So you're going to ram that into the c***** and then you c***** the ass and the c*****
22:08until they c*****.
22:10It's Niagara Falls.
22:11Thank you, sir.
22:12Thank you very much.
22:15You're right.
22:16I took everything you were saying.
22:18Let's talk about fun.
22:19Let's talk about fun.
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