- 6 days ago
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00:30We're getting fucked in the ass right now.
00:32They have a boat head over, hands on ankles.
00:35Hola.
00:36El señor Van Dertal bajará en un minuto.
00:39Muy, muy gracias. Muy, muy bueno.
00:42Sí.
00:46How was I supposed to know that they use peanut oil?
00:49Well, if you'd bake the cookies, you'd know the actual ingredients to the cookies.
00:52Whose side are you on?
00:53Hey, I think we're way past this.
00:55It's time to just cop to it, tell the truth, and apologize.
00:58Apologize? For what?
00:59For giving her cookies that put her into anaphylactic shock.
01:02Let her win? No.
01:03Win? What?
01:04Is this what it's like to be married to me?
01:06Yeah, it's frustrating, right?
01:07I don't think it's frustrating.
01:09It's kind of fun to just sit back and watch someone self-implode.
01:12Hey, guys.
01:14Hey, buddy.
01:16How's she doing?
01:18Well, she's okay.
01:20Actually, let me rephrase that.
01:23She'll be okay.
01:24Oh, great.
01:28Wow.
01:30And, uh, you're sure it was the cookies?
01:34Oh, yeah.
01:34100%.
01:35I mean, it's the only thing she ate all day.
01:37You know, intermittent fasting.
01:39Oh, yeah.
01:40I knew that.
01:40It's just so weird because I know that it said no nuts.
01:44What did?
01:45Oh, it's just a recipe or whatever.
01:49Literally baffling.
01:50Anyway, she's going to be out for another four or six hours, so...
01:53Wow.
01:54From a nut allergy.
01:55Yeah, well, I also gave her a little extra propofol, you know, so I can get a little golf in.
01:58Oh, you just put her out longer just so you...
02:01Exactly.
02:02You know, this whole ordeal has just been rough on both of us, so I figure might as well make it a win-win, you know?
02:09This way, I get to unwind a little bit, she gets to get a brow lift in and, you know, have a refreshing medically induced sleep.
02:16She just slipped in a brow lift?
02:17Well, she's smart, right?
02:19Yeah.
02:19I mean, I figure I might as well take advantage while she's out.
02:22Right.
02:22Not like that.
02:23Yeah.
02:23I can't get away with that anymore, huh?
02:26Okay, Mr. Landon.
02:28Oh, yes.
02:29Thank you, Yoli.
02:30Do you have enough bus tokens or whatever?
02:33No.
02:33I have bus.
02:34Oh, yeah.
02:35Great.
02:35Even better.
02:36Oh, God.
02:37Love her.
02:38Oh.
02:38You know, she is like family to us.
02:39Oh, she seems wonderful.
02:41You golf and all, bro?
02:42I do golf.
02:43How about this?
02:45Come with.
02:45For real?
02:46For real, dude.
02:46I'm about to meet Glenn and Randy for a quickie.
02:49Maybe we even sneak in an extra nine.
02:51I could always up her meds from my phone.
02:53Wait, you see, you can just up her propofol from your phone?
02:55Bro.
02:56Yeah.
02:56Let's go, bro.
02:57I'm driving.
02:57Oh, yes.
02:58Wait, whoa.
02:58Wait.
02:59Are you sure it's okay to leave her?
03:01She's not okay.
03:03That is a good point.
03:05Yeah.
03:06Somebody probably should hang back.
03:07Oh, wow.
03:22You're going to like that one, lamb man.
03:23So, hang on a second.
03:25So, the nuts were somehow in the cookies?
03:28That's so strange.
03:29How'd they get in there?
03:30I mean, that's the mystery.
03:31Yeah.
03:32Almost seems unsolvable at this point.
03:36Woo!
03:37That'll play, huh?
03:38Yeah?
03:38Oh, yeah.
03:39Speaking of nuts, when's Zach's surgery, Rando?
03:41Two weeks.
03:42Oh, hey, that reminds me.
03:44Talk to Dr. Sezekiel.
03:45This guy is all over it.
03:47He just dealt with a very rare case of testicular ectopia, very similar to Zach's.
03:53Kid was in and out in two hours.
03:54Oh, that quick.
03:55That is so good to hear.
03:59Nice.
04:00Yeah, and you know what?
04:00I just continue to have just a great fucking rapport with this guy.
04:03We're going to make a great team.
04:04Wow, wait, you're doing the surgery, too?
04:06No, no, no.
04:07I'm just assisting.
04:08Now, Sezekiel, he's running the show.
04:10I mean, after all, he's the best urologist in the country.
04:13Yeah?
04:13Got a state-of-the-art facility down in Atlanta.
04:16Yeah.
04:17Now, he'll be handling all the plumbing, and I'm just there to, uh, well, make the thing look pretty.
04:22No, no, no, no, no.
04:23Don't be modest.
04:24Appearance is a crucial part in this.
04:25I really appreciate it, bro.
04:26Come on.
04:27No, I'm happy to do whatever the heck I can.
04:29You know, if I could just make the scrotum look good, make it feel good, and give this kid some of his confidence back, you know?
04:35Yeah.
04:36I mean, that's why I got into this game in the first place.
04:38Well, that's kind of beautiful.
04:39You're not just giving him back his sack.
04:42You're giving him back his balls.
04:44Bert, honestly, I just want to tell you, heart-to-heart, the levity you bring to this situation,
04:51it, uh, it really gets me through this hard time.
04:55Huh?
04:55It's the best medicine.
04:57Yeah.
04:57Bet she could get me through some hard times.
04:59Oh, dude.
05:01Amanda is my favorite.
05:02Oh, dude.
05:03I forgot to tell you.
05:04I sent her over to Dr. Shestak, gyno buddy of mine.
05:07Dude, any hot chick we meet, we funnel her right over to Shestak, get the debrief.
05:12Yeah.
05:13Oh, that's creepy.
05:14Last week, this one girl had cervical cancer, so we all got bakes.
05:19Oof.
05:20Bert, you can't see the cancer, bro.
05:22It's not like we're sickos.
05:23All right, you know, let's just take a peek.
05:41Okay.
05:42Pill's boring.
05:46Vibrator.
05:49Okay, I see you.
05:51What the fuck are you doing here?
05:53Oh, hi.
05:54You're awake.
05:55Don't sit.
05:56Oh, yep.
05:57Where's Landon?
05:58How long have I been out?
05:59I think, like, four hours or so.
06:02He went golfing, didn't he?
06:04If he left without doing anything.
06:07Okay, the browse.
06:08Yeah, such a good call.
06:11What do you mean?
06:12No, just doing it while you.
06:14It was just so efficient.
06:17Hon, can you get me some water, huh?
06:19Of course.
06:20Coming right up.
06:21Um, okay.
06:26No nuts in this, right?
06:27Oh, you know, I'm so sorry.
06:30I have no idea what happened.
06:32Well, obviously the person who made them used peanut oil.
06:35Well, I made them.
06:36That's been established.
06:36But you saying that made me think, was my cooking oil maybe mislabeled?
06:43Huh.
06:44I've never heard of that happening.
06:45But if we're grasping at straws, I guess it's possible.
06:48You gotta figure what, like, millions of bottles of oil just pass through that factory floor every week.
06:55And what percentage of them have, like, the wrong sticker just, like, slapped on there?
07:00I mean, is it five?
07:03Even if it's two percent, that affects just a lot of people.
07:07Yeah.
07:08I mean, that has to be it.
07:09Because what's the alternative?
07:10That you lied and didn't bake them at all?
07:13Bought them at a store and tried to pass them off as homemade?
07:17Ridiculous.
07:17What kind of sad individual would do that?
07:20I cannot imagine anyone would do that.
07:23Right?
07:24Because it's such a pathetic lie to risk ruining your reputation at the school and in the community.
07:36Sweetie, would you do me a favor?
07:38A few favors, actually, since I'm stuck in this bed for a bit.
07:42Sure.
07:44Whatever you need.
07:47Oh, yeah, there's gonna be a happy good times now.
07:52Oh, yeah, there's gonna be a happy good times now.
07:56There's gonna be happy good times from now on.
08:02There's gonna be happy good times from now on.
08:05Hey, how's everybody doing?
08:07So long I felt so bad.
08:10So long I felt so sad.
08:13Happy good times from now on.
08:18You're gonna see me smile a whole lot more.
08:23You're gonna see me smile a whole lot more.
08:26I paid the dues I had to pay.
08:32Lady Luck told me the other day, yeah.
08:34You're gonna see me smile a whole lot more.
08:37Happy good times now!
08:38Happy good times!
08:39Happy good times!
08:40If you got a close, I know how to be.
08:42Love you guys.
08:43Hit the link for the boys.
08:44Take care.
08:45What the fuck?
08:46Shut the fucking door for me!
08:47Happy good times!
08:48It was so weird.
08:49I was like, Mom!
08:50Anyway, come on, Zach.
08:51Go on and make a move.
08:53Get yourself another groove.
08:55Happy good times from now on.
08:57So long I felt so bad.
08:58So long I felt so sad.
08:59Happy good times from now on.
08:59So long I felt so sad.
09:08Happy good times from now on.
09:24Oh, my God!
09:26Congrats, babe. You earned it.
09:33You know, I just can't put my finger on it,
09:35but something fucking stinks here.
09:37Come on, get in the hole.
09:39Straight in. Lots of weight.
09:41Here we go.
09:42Oh, that's it. That's it. That's it.
09:43That's it. That's it. That's it.
09:45Yes!
09:47Look at this guy!
09:49Wow!
09:51Dude, such a pleasure, man.
09:53Oh, thank you.
09:54Yeah, he really fills out the foursome, doesn't he, fellas?
09:56Oh, yeah. Perfect fit.
09:57Definitely does.
09:58It's funny, you know, I never really had a crew before.
10:01As a comic, we have a bunch of friends,
10:03but at the end of the day, you're a lone wolf.
10:05Well, I'll tell you what,
10:06I think this wolf might have just found his pack.
10:08Yeah, he did.
10:09But you guys never had a fourth?
10:15No, uh, we did.
10:17But, uh, that was a long time ago.
10:23Gene Magnuson, but, uh, he's no longer with us.
10:31Oh. He died?
10:33No, uh, he had a bit of a psychotic break.
10:38Wow.
10:39Yeah. Became pretty unmanageable.
10:41I'm sorry to hear that.
10:43Well, you know what they say.
10:45When one door closes.
10:47Yeah.
10:48You know the finish on that, Bert?
10:54Another door opens?
10:55Fuck yeah. I knew he'd get it.
10:56This guy. I knew it, bro.
10:57That guy is a son.
10:58Yeah, you think Magnuson would've ever come up with that?
10:59No fucking way.
11:00Take it easy, Glenn.
11:01Oh, my God, I love it.
11:02Oh, yeah.
11:03Hey, you know what?
11:04Uh, I just had a bit of a thought.
11:05Would you ever, uh, consider maybe, I don't know, joining the, uh, board over at Parking?
11:09Dude, the open seat?
11:10Yeah.
11:11That's brilliant.
11:12Bro, you would fucking crush it.
11:13And we could use another level head in there.
11:14We sure could.
11:15Not to mention the perks.
11:16All right?
11:17Check this out.
11:18You get to pick your teachers.
11:19The parking?
11:20Okay, the parking.
11:21Priority parking.
11:22Dude, Kirsten was a little teacher.
11:24You get to pick your teachers.
11:25The parking?
11:26Dude, Kirsten was a fucking nightmare of a student.
11:27All right?
11:28Failing everything.
11:29And then, all of a sudden, she wasn't.
11:30And that's from joining the...
11:31Dude, dude, she didn't just fucking get smart overnight.
11:45No, definitely not.
11:46Glenn, I've just about fucking had it with you today, bro.
11:49But we'd be happy to nominate you at the board.
11:55If that's something you'd be interested in,
11:58would that be something you'd be interested in?
12:00Well, yeah.
12:02That would be awesome.
12:04Consider it done.
12:05Wow.
12:08The Wolfman, let's go!
12:12How am I supposed to write a complete sentence?
12:15What does that even mean?
12:16I don't know. Put a bunch of words together.
12:17Put a period on the end.
12:19What the fuck's going on in here?
12:20Oh, hey, not right now.
12:22I've got to finish these flowers for Chanel's luncheon,
12:24and I'm on my way at the door.
12:26Yeah, we've been cut out of the loop.
12:28It's pretty hectic around here.
12:29Do we have a second, maybe, to hear my fantastic news?
12:31You're giving up your pussy away
12:32and going back to your old self?
12:34No, Isla, quite the opposite.
12:35The guys have nominated me for a seat on the board.
12:40Okay.
12:41What?
12:41If anyone should be on the board, it's not really...
12:45I know it's more your world, hon,
12:46but at least one of us has a seat at the table.
12:48Look, you're getting fucking pummeled right now, okay?
12:51I don't want to say I told you so,
12:52but it kind of needs to be said.
12:53This conversation is boring as fuck.
12:55Isla!
12:56Is that a complete sentence?
12:59Yeah, it is.
12:59Yeah, good job, kiddo.
13:00Okay, I've got to go.
13:02I told Chanel that I would pick up Kirsten from school.
13:04No, I can't go.
13:05I've got to sort of go to lunch with the guys.
13:08That's more important?
13:09And yours is?
13:10Yes.
13:10At least mine's pushing our agenda forward.
13:12Hey, this Chanel shit, it's time to call it.
13:14There's no coming back from this.
13:16He's right, Mom.
13:17The sooner you admit that to yourself,
13:18the better it is for all of us.
13:19Thank you, Isla.
13:20It is not over, okay?
13:21I've just got to pick up Kirsten,
13:23drop her off, run to the bakery,
13:24grab the cake for the subtle sense,
13:25and then I am back on track.
13:27Got to go.
13:28Bye.
13:32Who are the subtle sense?
13:33Fuck, fine now.
13:35Is that a complete sentence?
13:36Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think it is.
13:38Write it down.
13:38Let's see it.
13:40Fuck, if, now, here's the tricky one.
13:44How are we going to spell no?
13:47I have a learning disability,
13:48but I'm not fucking retarded.
13:51Mm-hmm.
13:56Hi.
13:57Hi.
13:57Hello, Kirsten.
14:10Mrs. Kreischer.
14:21Hello, Kirsten.
14:22I know we got off on the wrong foot
14:26and feelings got hurt
14:28and people got blamed for things
14:29that they didn't do.
14:31I mean, this whole thing
14:32is just like one big misunderstanding
14:34after another.
14:36So I just thought maybe you could,
14:39I don't know,
14:39talk to your mom for me,
14:41just kind of like calm the waters down a bit.
14:47Yeah.
14:48Yeah, okay, I'll talk to you.
14:50Really?
14:50Yeah.
14:51Yeah, okay, great.
14:53I mean, thank you so much.
14:56Um, and would you mind doing something for me?
15:00Yeah, of course, whatever you need.
15:02Would you just tell Georgia
15:03that there's no bad blood over this sack thing?
15:06Oh.
15:06You know, I'm really happy for her.
15:08They seem great together.
15:09Aw, that is so sweet.
15:11Yeah, I can.
15:13I'll tell her.
15:16You know, it's just been hard.
15:19Losing my boyfriend and my best friend
15:21at the same time.
15:21Oh.
15:23That's gotta be tough.
15:25You know, I just wish I knew why.
15:28You know, like,
15:29God, what did I do wrong?
15:31Why the sudden change?
15:33Oh.
15:39Well, I mean,
15:41probably not you, you know?
15:42I mean,
15:43it might be more about him
15:44in the personal situation
15:47he's dealing with.
15:49Personal situation?
15:50What?
15:50No, I mean,
15:51not like personal situations,
15:53like, you know,
15:54like, normal teenage stuff.
15:57Right.
16:02I mean,
16:03it says so right in the handbook.
16:04I was reading it,
16:05and I thought to myself,
16:07what's the point
16:08of having a handbook
16:09if we're not gonna follow the rules.
16:11Hmm.
16:12That's a good point,
16:12Mr. Kreischer.
16:13Oh, he's full of them.
16:14Aren't you, Bert?
16:15I mean,
16:16you just have them
16:16ready to go whenever?
16:18I think.
16:20Well, I think we've
16:21heard enough, right?
16:22Should we, uh,
16:23should we move to a vote?
16:24Yes.
16:24All in favor of Mr. Kreischer
16:25joining the board?
16:28Great.
16:29Done.
16:30Wow.
16:30That was quick,
16:31almost faster
16:32than my wedding night.
16:37Oh, man,
16:38he's hysterical.
16:39I swear,
16:39sometimes I forget
16:40this guy's a comedian.
16:41Actually,
16:42you know,
16:42you should totally
16:43emcee the ceremony
16:44next week,
16:45Mr. and Miss Barkledge.
16:46I mean,
16:46if you'd do us the honor.
16:48Mr. and Miss Barkledge?
16:49Yeah.
16:50I'd love to do that.
16:51Wonderful.
16:53Ah.
16:53Well, then,
16:54should we move on
16:55to the other business at hand,
16:56the gym renovation?
16:58Yes.
16:58Motion to increase
16:59the budget
17:00for the new gymnasium.
17:01The necessary funds
17:02will be reallocated
17:03from a few
17:04lower-priority departments.
17:05Like what department?
17:06Oh, new guy
17:08coming right out
17:09of the gate
17:09with some big questions,
17:10huh?
17:10I was just wondering.
17:12Yeah.
17:13Such a curious mind.
17:14Hmm.
17:15Should we vote?
17:17Those opposed?
17:19Those in favor?
17:20You did well back there, kid.
17:33Really fucking strong.
17:35Proud of you.
17:35Thanks.
17:36Yeah.
17:36A lot of people buckle
17:37in that room,
17:38not you.
17:39Yeah, yeah.
17:39What's your secret?
17:41Uh,
17:42I just voted?
17:43Yeah, you did.
17:44Well, I'll tell you what,
17:45your vote put that thing
17:46over the top.
17:46You fucking saved it.
17:47Yeah.
17:48Good, good.
17:48I'm glad I helped, guys.
17:49Hey, yeah, buddy.
17:50Bring it in.
17:50Come on, man.
17:51Right.
17:53Did the right thing, man.
17:57Hey, what do you say?
17:58Driving range?
17:59Hit some balls?
18:00Oh, shit.
18:01You just reminded me.
18:03Zach's been having
18:03these panic attacks
18:04over this surgery.
18:05You got any more
18:06Klonopin, dog?
18:06Yeah.
18:07Center console.
18:08Sweet.
18:10Hey, you know,
18:10I was thinking, uh,
18:11you should come
18:12to Atlanta with us.
18:13Hey, Glenn's coming, too.
18:14We'll party a little bit.
18:15It'll be fun.
18:15You guys are turning
18:17Zach's scrotal surgery
18:18into a guy's trip?
18:18Yeah, why?
18:19No reason.
18:20So we can count you in, then?
18:22Be some much-needed
18:23emotional support
18:24for this guy.
18:25Yeah.
18:26Yeah.
18:26Count me in.
18:27All right.
18:28Yeah.
18:29I love it.
18:30Hot Atlanta.
18:31Hot Atlanta, baby.
18:32We're the players play.
18:33Yeah.
18:34Hot Atlanta.
18:34Ride on them things
18:35like every day.
18:38All right, bro.
18:39Calm down.
18:40Yep.
18:41I was lying on the grass
18:44a Sunday morning
18:45of last week
18:46indulging in my self-defeat.
18:52My mind was thought
18:53I'll lace and buzz
18:54all twisted and wrongly
18:56uncomfortable
18:58pee-pee-pee.
19:02I know
19:03it's all
19:04for me.
19:05Wow.
19:07I've done
19:08enough
19:09and felt to be
19:11if you steal
19:12my sunshine.
19:14Hi, Bernie.
19:15Jesus.
19:16Burning the candle
19:17at both ends, huh?
19:18Who-what are you doing here?
19:20I know what's going on.
19:21With Zach?
19:23I don't know
19:24what you're talking about.
19:25Don't play dumb with me.
19:27Or, rather,
19:28don't be your normal
19:28fucking self with me.
19:30Your wife told me
19:31all about his
19:32personal situation.
19:33She did?
19:35Sadly, yeah.
19:36Oh, I see what happened.
19:38You saw she was in a hole
19:39with your mom,
19:40so you manipulated her
19:41to tell you about
19:42Zach's surgery.
19:43The surgery?
19:44Yeah.
19:45Yeah.
19:46It's what she told me.
19:48And how hard
19:50it's been for him.
19:51Because, well,
19:53you know.
19:53Yeah, I do know, Kirsten.
19:56Scrotal reconstructive surgery
19:57is very serious.
20:00Scrotal reconstructive surgery.
20:02Right.
20:03Hey, did you just
20:04manipulate me?
20:05Oh, that's it.
20:07That's the connection.
20:09You don't want her dating him.
20:10Then you find out
20:11about this surgery
20:12and suddenly you do.
20:14Nope.
20:15Ice cold.
20:16Once I find out
20:16what Scrotal reconstructive surgery is,
20:19I feel like I'll have
20:20all the pieces.
20:21Honestly,
20:22not even worth your time.
20:24Wouldn't even Google it.
20:26You think it's so easy,
20:27don't you?
20:28You buy a collared shirt
20:30and a pair of stupid shorts
20:31and some mere one of us.
20:32You're no longer
20:33the annoying fat guy
20:34who never shuts the fuck up.
20:36Kirsten, stop.
20:38They might not see
20:39through your little facade,
20:40but I do.
20:42And I'm guessing
20:43this whole thing
20:44would crumble
20:44if this got out.
20:46What do you want?
20:52What do you think I want?
20:55Honestly,
20:55I...
20:56I'm still thrown
20:58by getting shaken down
20:59by a 13-year-old
21:00in my driveway.
21:00Yeah, it's unexpected.
21:03I want him back.
21:06So,
21:07you gonna play ball?
21:10Or are you gonna go
21:11down in flames?
21:13It's your call, big boy.
21:14Okay?
21:16Okay?
21:16Okay.
21:17Okay.
21:18Okay.
21:18Okay.
21:18Okay.
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