- 6 days ago
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00:00this guy's got a small dick you know the kind of guy that drinks with a straw and pisses sitting
00:15down now i think that was taken just a little out of context and if you back it up there was a little
00:34i think we've seen enough that was extremely triggering no that was downright offensive
00:40yeah okay now i can take it my penis is obviously much bigger than this man here is suggesting and i
00:47can prove that easily if need be but to have to watch my wife wake up to an email chain where this
00:54disgusting video is being passed around to all the parents everyone bird i feel violated me too
01:02there's a clear no cell phone policy in that club that's we should be looking for wait wait i'm sorry
01:06that's your issue here oh maybe we just call it a wash since we were all violated equally you know
01:12what it is i actually feel unsafe this man is a bully i'm the bully yeah whoa whoa stop writing what are
01:20you writing down i can't disclose that something has to be done here miriam maybe it's best if mr
01:27kreischer stays off campus for a while and georgia does her work from home for a few days just until
01:32things blow over does that work for you guys yes thank you miriam what the
01:48this is ridiculous guys how much longer are we going to stay mad at each other yeah what the
02:05is wrong with you guys isla i will leap across this table and do what you need to apologize to them
02:13him apologize that guy for what for having an inspired set some are comparing to an early richard
02:20bryor or am i apologizing for exercising my first amendment right are we taking away the freedom
02:24of speech now is that what we're doing what are we even talking about bert what she just got kicked
02:28out of school yeah and you got banned from campus oh i'd like to see them enforce that well they do
02:34have security cards who carl and sanjay you think i couldn't whoop those fools thank you isla i ran
02:40naked with the bulls in pamplona i'll blow the doors off two reticops from beverly hills whether you
02:44can or can't and i would argue you 100 cannot that is not the point well what's the point the
02:51point is you need to stop and find something else to focus on okay like anything else you can focus
02:57on me guys i got a ton of shit to dump on your plate wait what's going on what kind of shit are you
03:02dealing with all i'm asking is for you to try to behave like a normal person is that too much for
03:09you it's a big ask where's she going georgia wait where are you going to clean up your mess
03:16hey you are beautiful do you hear me you can't let them change you you can't let any of these
03:39motherfuckers paint you when you're fighting a bull you don't run away from it you run right the
03:49fuck at it
03:58her tits are flawless i think if she had more sets of tits she'd be a tolerable person
04:05that last one wasn't actually bad yeah that was a good joke it was a good joke but she was upset
04:13this is exactly what i was hoping to avoid oh the ugly side oh there you go now you're getting it
04:19but tell me those two phony motherfuckers didn't deserve to get lit the fuck up of course they did
04:24but do we always have to be the ones to do it yeah but if we don't do it who's gonna do it uh maybe no
04:29one at least not yet so what you're saying is people get to do retarded shit and we can't call
04:36them on it and make them feel like assholes for it it's just a pitch okay look where it's gotten us
04:41headmaster's office suspension our daughter hating you i mean this is not worth it it's not right
04:50we just need to bite our tongues until we settle in and then we get to light people up yeah sure
04:59good morning
05:17hey hey
05:22i'm sorry okay i may have overdid it a little bit
05:26wow shut the fuck up isla
05:31can you forgive me it's fine just don't let it happen again hold on it was that easy
05:38you don't hate me no oh she's way past that now that zach koshkis started dm-ing her
05:45how would you know that unless you went through my phone i went through your phone
05:48bitch how do you know my password stop stop stop stop isla stop it isla
05:52zach hotchkis dm'd you like zach hotchkis kirsten vanderfox boyfriend zach hotchkis oh that's so done
05:58where have you been he invited george over to watch a movie whoa what's he want with you really no i
06:05didn't mean like that i meant like what's he want with you like what's he want with you what no baby no
06:10i'm just saying like he doesn't give you the time of day and then all of a sudden he invites you over to
06:13watch a movie okay sounds a little suspect doesn't it it does raise some red flags okay okay well maybe
06:19he likes me have you ever considered that it crossed my mind for a second but it seems so absurd i just
06:27completely moved on from it get out of my room yep get up isla let's go hey great job on the dms
06:34maybe he just likes her this is zach hotchkis we're talking about okay kids are shoeing for mr barklage
06:40he could pull any girl in that class what's he want with our daughter wait a second oh this should
06:45be good her virgin hands what think about it he doesn't know her name two days ago i go on a
06:52livestream it blows up obviously i say she's never given a hand job word gets out it spreads like
06:57wildfire boom she's every middle school boy's fantasy really wouldn't they want experienced hands he's
07:04already got one experienced hand what's the fun in that he invites her over to watch a movie come on
07:09how transparent is that kids don't watch movies these days hon he's setting her up for a total
07:14jerk-a-thon god damn it he thinks he's slick he doesn't know who he's fucking with i would think
07:19that he would not experience hands what have i done now every boy in that class is going to want
07:24to plant their flag in her palms we got to get in front of this do we gotta baby close your eyes
07:32okay do you remember the day georgia was born and the nurse laid her on your chest and it was just
07:37the three of us i don't know where georgia took that little baby hand and she reached up and
07:41stroked your face yeah now imagine that hand wrapped around zach hotchkiss's cock cum sticking between
07:48her fingers teenage jizz just in her palm on her knuckles in her fingernails that's what we're up against
07:53leanne oh god oh my god are you right yeah i need to stop this there she is oh my god let's go come
08:00on oh no no no put that phone down immediately what why you heard him you put it down we're nipping
08:15this in the bud you're not going to zach hotchik's house you can text him that i'll wait you just told
08:20me to put it down you can you pick it up and then you text him and you just put it right back down
08:25right i can't go to my friend's house to watch a movie that's ridiculous that's what you think
08:29this is all about well what do you think it's about dad well we were wondering if maybe zach has
08:36ulterior motives like he wants to do a handjob for you isla we could take it from here is that really
08:43what you think that's where all the information i have is leading me yes well maybe you're right
08:49maybe that is what he wants and maybe that's what he's gonna get excuse me hey you started this
08:56it's up to me to finish it or finish him whatever you prefer oh i prefer neither of those damn it
09:07well that backfired yeah i know isla yeah what's the move now captain
09:11where's this little shit live beverly park gated guardhouse hole nine it's gonna be tough
09:18fuck all right i'll shake him down to school no you're banned maybe i could try talking to my pickup
09:24or something what the fuck's that gonna do we gotta scare the shit out of this kid can you get me a
09:28schedule don song wait how are you even gonna worry about it okay look this is what we just talked
09:33about we can't get into any more trouble hey these are extenuating circumstances remember baby jizz hands
09:39oh okay baby what don't worry about it listen i will be in and out so quick they won't even know
09:43i'm there okay what about the guards isla what do we know carl and sanjay clock in at 6 a.m
09:53sanjay takes his lunch at 11 45 leaving carl alone for anywhere between 30 to 45 minutes
09:58depending how long sanjay's in the shitter after he eats then that's our window
10:09okay okay what the fuck am i doing okay
10:23hi carl hey mrs chrysher you forget something oh yeah well i don't know if you heard but georgia got
10:31suspended so i'm just here picking up some of her we got your husband's picture up in here oh yeah you
10:36don't need to worry about him he will not be anywhere near here he got your message loud and clear
10:44um uh what uh hey i you know i was what um time do you get off carl oh mrs chrysher
10:57what about your husband oh don't worry about him we don't need me thinking about him oh okay
11:06hey what are you doing here hey god damn it what happened to the 30-minute comp
11:35carl call call i mean. go all right
11:38word changer is on campus i repeat word changer is on campus. come in sorry where were we
11:47Carl, come in.
11:51Nice.
11:55Gel, huh?
12:03I would have pegged you as a moose guy.
12:07You know who I am?
12:11Uh, yeah. You're George's dad?
12:13Damn right I am.
12:15You've been poking around her DMs lately.
12:19Why the sudden interest?
12:21What do you mean?
12:23She's cool. Cool?
12:25Cool like a pair of inexperienced, clammy hands?
12:27Huh? Let me tell you what I know.
12:29You never want to be on a dad's bad side,
12:31where he feels like he can't communicate with you anymore,
12:33so he has to break into your house in the middle of the night
12:35and strangle you in your bed.
12:37Now, let me tell you what you don't know.
12:41I have a Desert Eagle .50 caliber,
12:43and sometimes when I get really drunk,
12:45I like to hold it next to a pillow
12:47and pretend it's a little boy's head.
12:49Mr. Kreischer.
12:50Hey, Doc. How you doing?
12:51What are you doing on campus?
12:53Oh, I'm just chatting to my boy Zach here.
12:55Isn't that right, Zach?
12:56You're threatening me.
12:57What? Threatening you?
12:59Buddy, that's locker room talk.
13:01God, kids these days are so soft.
13:03Dad, go to class.
13:05I'll see you later, buddy.
13:11Sorry, Dr. Jeff.
13:13He passes by somehow.
13:15It's okay, Sanjay.
13:17He's here to see me.
13:19You sure?
13:20Carl should be on his way.
13:21We have zip ties and everything.
13:22Zip ties?
13:23I would love to see you try to put a zip tie on me, big boy.
13:26Oh, I'll get those on you,
13:28and then I'll go to town on your ass.
13:30Oh, you'll go to town on my ass?
13:31Jeff, do you hear what he's saying to me?
13:32Nobody's going to town on anybody's ass.
13:35I'll take it from here, Sanjay.
13:37Yeah, he'll handle it from here, Sanjay.
13:48Whoa.
13:52Why don't you come to my office?
13:59What you got going on tonight?
14:00Oh, I'm probably just, you know,
14:02applying to different schools.
14:05Oh, I gotta go.
14:06Thank you so much.
14:07Bye!
14:08Oh!
14:09Yo!
14:10Yo!
14:13Damn.
14:17Is this related in any way
14:19to the Kirsten beatdown you took the other day?
14:21I wouldn't exactly say it was a beatdown.
14:23Looked like one from where I was sitting.
14:26You're nothing with your shirt on.
14:28That cut deep, didn't it?
14:30No.
14:31No, it didn't.
14:32Not at all.
14:33This whole shirtless thing.
14:37Where does it come from?
14:39Why is it so important to you?
14:41Why do people keep bringing this up?
14:42Well, you kind of lead with it pretty hard.
14:44It's just me.
14:45It's like freedom and fun and...
14:47and fuck everyone else.
14:49And who gives a fuck?
14:50Middle finger to the world.
14:51I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks.
14:52Type shit.
14:54What if I said it's all a defense mechanism?
14:57Like, you actually do give a fuck.
15:00And you desperately want to fit in,
15:02so you intentionally sabotage yourself
15:05so that no one else gets to decide.
15:08The shirtless, rebellious, fat party guy...
15:12Wait, what was that?
15:13...is what everyone wants you to be.
15:19Who does Bert want to be?
15:20I don't know.
15:23I never thought about it.
15:25Well, maybe it's time you did.
15:27Maybe it's time you tried something new.
15:32Like what?
15:33For example, instead of waging war with a teenager,
15:37maybe you try a more mature approach,
15:40like sitting down with his parents.
15:42Getting them hammered.
15:43Find their weakness.
15:44Use it against them.
15:45I'm smart. I like that.
15:46No, no, no, no.
15:47No one's gonna be impressed
15:48with how much beer you can chuck.
15:49Have an honest conversation.
15:52Be open.
15:53Be vulnerable.
15:54People really do that.
15:55And talk less.
15:57Much less.
16:00And listen.
16:01Ask questions.
16:02Show interest in their lives.
16:04That sounds fucking crazy.
16:06You want your daughter to fit in, right?
16:08Maybe it starts with you fitting in.
16:10Blending in.
16:12And living life
16:14with your shirt
16:16on.
16:19Oh, wow.
16:22That's a huge fucking note, Doc.
16:28Yeah.
16:29It's a total rethink.
16:30It's like asking Gallagher to stop smashing watermelons.
16:34No, that's not at all.
16:36Like asking Carrot Top to loose the trunk of toys.
16:39These are horrible comps.
16:40Well, the point is, your thing's not working.
16:43So why not make an adjustment?
16:46Start small.
16:49Something with sleeves.
16:52And buttons.
16:56Something like this.
16:59Wait, something like that?
17:01Or that?
17:02Go on.
17:03Take it for a spin.
17:04Go on.
17:05Take it for a spin.
17:06You get it.
17:11You're Randy Oshkos,?
17:25can i help you you're randy hodgis zackstab i'm i'm burt kreischer oh my god i didn't
17:40recognize you with a shirt on and not insulting people at a comedy club that's fair i deserve
17:45that can i come in thank you so much what a beautiful foyer you have here thank you yeah
18:02so what's up well uh i don't know if you heard of this brewing romance
18:15between uh your son and my daughter but i thought you know the best way to deal with something like
18:20this is to sit down man to man and just talk about it like two adults well i appreciate that yeah i
18:29mean if i've learned anything from this vanderthal debacle they said the best way to approach
18:34relationships is to be honest and open and just be vulnerable huh makes a lot of sense you know what
18:43i always say for not going from our mistakes why are we even making them totally yeah what's that
18:49from who said that just me just now wow good for you uh so i was wondering if maybe you could sit
18:59down and talk to zack maybe say you know george is a little young to be dating yeah sure i could talk
19:07to him he's just been pretty emotional lately i don't want to pile on oh what's going on
19:17it's uh i probably shouldn't talk about it you you can if you want be vulnerable huh
19:33that's my motto it's just uh zack's having surgery in a couple of weeks and he's uh
19:47he's very nervous about it all right um listening
19:55zack was actually born without a scrotum
20:07which prevented his testicles from dropping since they had nowhere to go
20:13sure sure that makes sense so the the doctors had to had to construct this artificial sack
20:19which held up fairly well till a couple of months ago till the the lining started to tear
20:25jesus christ yeah so now unfortunately he's gonna have a top to bottom scrotal reconstruction
20:30and his second orchopexy number two you believe that what's an orchopexy so that's the procedure
20:35when they they staple the nuts to the sack and then they staple the sack to his inner thigh
20:41you know just to to to induce the drop you know it's oh my god yeah yeah yeah
20:47it actually feels good to to get that out thank you for listening
20:56not a lot of people do that anymore yeah i love listening sometimes i like it better
21:03than talking it's just who i am
21:06okay so you just sound out the letters of the word okay what does that say i see
21:14are you kidding zach blocked me huh why is the p even there oh the p is silent baby just you know
21:21who the fuck decided that hello oh hi i've been texting news everything okay yeah absolutely perfect
21:31what's with the shirt yeah where'd you find that what this yeah i'm trying out a new look what do you
21:37guys think why if it ain't broke it is broke you know what you're right honey i may have come in hot
21:47the other day and overstepped a little bit but if you want to date zach you should date zach
21:54what's going on are you with me mom is he with me again i honestly don't know sweetie no i just took
22:02a step back and realized you have great judgment and hey i trust you okay so hypothetically
22:11if i were to decide to let's say give zach a hand job you'd be fine with that hey if that's what
22:19the moment calls for and zach obviously is physically able to receive said hand job then go for it
22:29doesn't matter anyway because he's not texting me back guess he came to the census huh shut the
22:33fuck up isla no one likes your voice i'm obviously okay you shut us
22:42okay okay okay okay sit down right now okay okay what is going on
22:50zach hodgkiss doesn't have a scrotum what i mean he had one but it was artificial and it ruptured or
22:57something and now they have to build him a new one he has an artificial scrotum i don't know i'm not a
23:01fucking doctor leanne jesus christ his nuts didn't have anywhere to go they never dropped so they
23:05got a billy sack so they have somewhere to go but i think you're missing the point what is the point
23:08the point is it is a very long road to a hand job for this kid right we get to look like cool
23:16supportive parents the whole time knowing no one's jacking anyone off wow oh it's like a gift from god
23:23i know how did you find this out his dad told me what yeah i put on dr jeff's shirt went over his
23:29house had an adult conversation the dude ended up crying on my shoulder dr jeff's shirt yeah this
23:35dr jeff's shirt i went to his office he has a ton of them it's like he's obsessed with them it's all
23:38this idea and guess what randy hodgkiss fucking loves me and he's gonna put in a good word with
23:44the vanderfox for us yeah yeah okay who's the ugly side now not this guy i can't believe i've been doing
23:52it wrong for so long it was so easy how about we keep the shirt on oh and i show you my scrotum this is
24:01the change i needed and it's long overdue the old bird a thing of the past this is who i am now
24:22so
24:29so
24:31so
24:33so
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