- 6 days ago
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00:00Go, go, go, get a mess of the car.
00:10That bitch has us by the shorties.
00:12Look, I hope this doesn't stop her from Dr. Chanel for me.
00:15Are you kidding me?
00:16You thought that was genuine?
00:17Yeah.
00:17She played you like a fucking fiddle.
00:19That was so real.
00:20She cried actual tears.
00:21Yeah, she's a fucking pro.
00:23She buttered you up, told you what you wanted to hear,
00:25sat back, and let you diary out the mouth.
00:28I hardly told her anything.
00:29You told her enough, and now she holds all the cards.
00:32No, no, hold on a second.
00:33Does she?
00:34Are you kidding me?
00:35If that dumb bitch opens her fucking mouth,
00:37she's going to ruin everything I built.
00:38My trust to the guys, my board seat.
00:40Oh, right, your precious board seat.
00:41I almost forgot.
00:42My guys trip to Atlanta, we're fucked.
00:44No, okay, hold on a second.
00:46Why would she tell?
00:47Sure, she blows your shit up,
00:49but she doesn't get what she wants.
00:51She doesn't get Zach back.
00:52She loses all her leverage.
00:54Think about it.
00:55It's Landon.
01:00Okay, okay, what's he saying?
01:03Well, there goes your theory.
01:05He knows.
01:06Oh, fuck.
01:07Yeah.
01:07I really thought I was onto something there.
01:09He fucked us.
01:09Okay, let's go.
01:26Burt.
01:44So, uh, what's up, fellas?
01:50Well, it's Kirsten.
01:52Oh?
01:53I was going through her Google history last night,
01:55and, uh, well, I stumbled upon something concerning.
02:00A search for scrotal reconstruction.
02:04Huh.
02:06Wow. I wonder why she would...
02:08Gentlemen, I'm afraid we have a leak.
02:12I'm done.
02:14It's over.
02:16Zack's gonna arm my fucking ass now.
02:19Unless it was him who told her?
02:23God, no.
02:24She's the last person he'd tell.
02:26No offense.
02:28All right, well, let's break it down.
02:29I mean, who knows about the surgery?
02:31No, I mean, the four of us.
02:32Huh?
02:32Yeah, well, we know none of us leaked it, right?
02:36And we sure as shit weren't stupid enough to tell our wives, were we?
02:39Oh, can you imagine?
02:40I don't tell Val shit.
02:41Then who the fuck was it?
02:46Wait.
02:47It just hit me.
02:51And it pains me to say this out loud.
02:58Fucking
02:58Mayumi.
03:01She must have heard me telling you about it.
03:03That's gotta be it.
03:04It's like, every other hole is so fucking tight, but the mouth on this broad.
03:08Oh, wow.
03:09Wait, wait, wait.
03:09So you think she just maybe told Chanel, and then, and then Kirsten overheard it, maybe?
03:14I don't know.
03:15I mean, what's another plausible explanation?
03:17Think about it.
03:24They are so close to putting all the pieces together.
03:27It's just a matter of time.
03:28This sounds like it's getting out of control.
03:30I don't think you should go to Atlanta with these guys.
03:32Are you kidding me?
03:33I'm the new fourth.
03:34Do you have any idea how hard that was to achieve?
03:37I've never been part of a group before, Doc.
03:39And they like me for me, not because I take my shirt off.
03:42I know, but it just seems to me like...
03:44Hey, hey, hey.
03:44This was your idea.
03:46I'm following your plan.
03:48Do you have any idea how suspect I would look if I didn't take the trip to Atlanta?
03:51It'll look like when Leo wouldn't give a social security number in The Departed.
03:54Yeah, he was the new guy.
03:56I never understood why they didn't instantly realize it was him.
03:59Yeah, that was a giant fucking hole in the movie.
04:02And I can't rely on these guys being as stupid as the writer and filmmakers of The Departed.
04:06Yeah, well, you can't force Zach and Georgia to break up.
04:09I know that.
04:10Of course I can't.
04:11I wouldn't listen to you anyway.
04:14I see where your head's going.
04:17Where?
04:18You're saying make them do it themselves.
04:23Uh, I don't see how you got that from me.
04:25Make them believe it was their idea.
04:26They break up with each other.
04:27I come off scot-free.
04:28God damn it, you're a genius.
04:30We act like everything's normal.
04:37I go to Atlanta.
04:39I isolate Zach and plant a seed of an idea in his brain.
04:43That maybe not everything's as perfect as it seems.
04:46I get them to question something, something small.
04:49And you do the same with Georgia.
04:51So when Zach returns with his shiny new ball sack and they finally talk about this stuff, it causes a fight.
04:57They go their separate ways and we win.
05:01Yeah, but she loses?
05:03Does she?
05:04Hold on.
05:04The kid fell for her dad.
05:05He likes her for all the wrong reasons.
05:07And when his sack's healed and he's ready to fire off some shots, he's going to be like a kid on Christmas with a brand new BB gun.
05:12Okay, Bert, I hate to point it out, but this whole thing was your idea.
05:16And ideas evolve, Leanne.
05:18Okay, but this is venturing into completely unhinged.
05:23Okay, I totally hear you.
05:24You're gone soft.
05:25We'll give your part to Isla.
05:27Give what to me?
05:27Wait, were you just listening at the door?
05:29Always.
05:30In case I'm needed.
05:30Well, you are needed.
05:31What's your schedule look like?
05:32It's actually wide open.
05:34Now that they're shutting down the LD department, my lunch got a lot lighter.
05:37What?
05:37Why?
05:38This is the main reason we chose this school.
05:39I think they're redoing the gym or something.
05:43Probably a better investment in the long run.
05:45The necessary funds will be reallocated from a few lower priority departments.
05:49Departments.
05:50Departments.
05:50Should we vote?
05:51Vote.
05:51Those in favor?
05:52Favor?
05:53Favor?
05:53Burt.
05:54Your vote.
05:54Put that thing over the top.
05:56Top.
05:56Top.
05:56Burt.
05:57Did you know about this?
05:59No.
05:59How could I?
05:59Guys.
06:00Guys, what do you need me to do?
06:01Okay, Isla, listen very carefully.
06:04This is super nuanced, okay?
06:05I fuck with nuance.
06:06Stop.
06:07I'll do it.
06:08Okay.
06:09Are you sure this is right?
06:10I am more certain about this than I was about having her.
06:13You're good, Isla.
06:23Atlanta, baby.
06:24Atlanta!
06:24Atlanta!
06:24big weekend you excited what dude I said I said big weekend
06:54you excited for my nut surgery I mean yes I'm more nervous than anything oh sure I bet
07:04but your scrotum's in good hands Dr. V's the best in the business have you ever seen Chanel
07:10sits well like just in clothes and stuff they're a work of art let me tell you something after this
07:19surgery you're not just walking out with a new sack you're walking out a new man
07:24thanks man I hope so if you were in a relationship I'd call up that school more than every chick in
07:31there you know how much pussy you'd get if you had balls well like you know you don't gotta worry
07:36about anything of course I mean I respect you no no I know I know that's not what I'm talking
07:40about what I'm saying is Bert pop up here will you yeah yeah hold that thought
07:47what's up guys well we got some new info that's what's it whoa yeah it wasn't my umi she knows
07:58nothing trust me I put her through the fucking ringer what'd you go green card yeah
08:02what's green card yeah it was just this whole thing uh I got my buddy Steve saved in my phone
08:09as ISO whenever I need to put the screws to her I just have him call the house and she freaks out
08:13I bet fucking brilliant so wait hang on so we still don't know who told Kirsten well we have a
08:19better understanding of the timeline now we know she googled scrotal reconstruction Wednesday night
08:24right but then Wednesday morning she's texting her friend Lexi what the fuck is up with Zach lately
08:30is he gay lol right so Wednesday morning she's in the dark Wednesday evening she's got the answer
08:39so what do we think happened Wednesday that's exactly where our heads went so now all we got
08:46to do is trace her steps now I have her location services on my phone but we don't have any fucking
08:51wifi up here okay okay hey hey hey Lando not the end of the world I know but this fuck look as soon
08:56as we touch down we'll be able to trace every step she took that day so not to be concerned
09:01so how's it going with Zach is it kind of petering out no he's the best honestly
09:19I couldn't even imagine a better boyfriend or relationship yeah she was literally a zero
09:25before he started dating him and now she's like bordering on cool in the discussion from
09:31his Barclay with a chance to dethrone Kirsten it's been stunning to witness honestly thanks I love
09:36thank you I just don't want to see you get hurt sweetie you know Zach is a very popular boy and
09:42he's giving off I mean be like player vibes that I'm picking up on no no no he's not like that okay
09:49he actually respects me and wants to take things super slow right of course he does slow that's
09:54being generous you guys haven't even kissed yet you haven't no why is that weird
10:00now now it's not weird sweetie okay
10:07this is ridiculous drop 100 fucking K on a jet and I can't even check Instagram this is such
10:19fucking bullshit I'm gonna go ask you about that Wi-Fi I want to get to the bottom of this yeah
10:23Glenn please do something but Glenn but really complain okay I want someone to lose their job
10:28over there yeah and see if you can get something for free I'm on it I'm on it hey can I ask you
10:35guys a question that well it might be a little bit in the sensitive area yeah what's up anything
10:40man the floor is yours what's up it's Glenn I mean how well do we know this guy Glenn I mean
10:54we've been pretty close for what 25 30 years not more than that I mean think about menopause
10:59we went to elementary school oh yeah so when his folks died my parents adopted him so and we're not
11:06technically brothers but yeah you know we shared a room well after the crash he was in it he did a
11:11little stint in an orphanage yeah for a couple months then he moved in with me bunk beds why do you
11:16ask I wish my spidey senses weren't going berserk here but just every time someone brings up the
11:26Kirsten thing he gets a little defensive look you know him better than I do but I think he's hiding
11:34something okay so I'll be making the first of several incisions here and then what I'll do is I'll open
11:56the flaps remove the testicles temporarily and then just burn off any remaining scrotal skin
12:02um we should all be here this is customary well I mean technically no but yeah so then I'll use a
12:12local tissue graft from the inner thigh to perform the scrotoplasty and construct the replacement pouch
12:19uh Landon of course that's where you come in all over it hand me that big old hog will you
12:24yep there you go thanks pal all right look obviously we want to make this thing durable
12:28okay but at the same time this thing's got to be a fucking showstopper of a sack okay 100% I mean
12:34it's got a look real feel real taste real right bud I mean I guess and then uh since your case is
12:45pretty rare we'll need to tunnel the nuts into the new pouch and suture it into place to prevent them
12:51from retracting upward help form the pocket if you will same concept as a baseball glove but yeah
12:57yeah I get it oh I have a question how long until we get that contraption you know up and running on
13:04this guy oh should be a fairly speedy recovery yeah I'd say two to three weeks before you can drop a
13:10proper load oh got it pretty good look if we do our jobs right here all right Zach walks out of here
13:15with something between his legs that he can feel super proud of uh Mr. Hotchkiss I just need you to
13:20fill out some paperwork uh you too Landon sure absolutely gentlemen we'll be right back but
13:24powerful presentation doc thank you for noticing really enjoyed that
13:28wow lots of stuff going on it's such weird timing huh what do you mean I'm just saying you know big
13:45surgery you're starting a new relationship it's a lot on a kid's plate you gotta get one of them off
13:49there and you can't get the surgery off they're not gonna mess anything up right I mean what if they
13:54make a mistake and my balls are permanently fucked no no no no no no that's not gonna happen let's get
14:00back to the relationship though I don't know I mean because what if something goes wrong I mean
14:03something could go wrong right okay breath hold on stop stop stop stop stop dad dad get in here
14:10don't shut the fuck up dad get in here Randy I'm freaking out it's okay it's okay it's okay let's go look
14:17at me you got this you fucking you're a hotchkiss hotchkiss hotchkiss okay okay you want this sack
14:25you need this sack
14:27bye girls bye I love you baby be good have fun girls play nice behave hey oh
14:42I texted you you're not avoiding me are you what no of course not okay of course not good because I
14:51have some news I think you're really going to be happy about I spoke to my attorneys and I told them
14:55all about your genius mislabeling theory oh yeah they think we have a very strong case for a very
15:00lucrative lawsuit a lawsuit well yeah the cooking oil people are 100% responsible right so they should
15:09pay don't you think yes of course and you're including me in the lawsuit like well it was your
15:16theory kind of monster do you think I am I wouldn't dream of cutting you out that is so
15:23sweet of you I mean unless you're coming off that theory
15:28god no if anything I'm more convinced now great so they'll just need to take your deposition
15:40under oath of course testifying that you made the cookies yourself from scratch the list of
15:45ingredients you use receipts you have something like that yeah I mean I definitely have all that
15:53stuff why wouldn't you okay I'll have my lawyer reach out and get that I'll sit up thanks sweetie
16:02no thank you thank you thank you thank you honey
16:06how's he doing he's battling bro it's tough to watch we shared a good hard cry and then he
16:24he fell asleep in my arms well maybe this will be like a bonding experience something that you
16:36shared in life that you'll never forget
16:39Zach's a strong kid rando he's gonna be okay what's that he's a strong kid he's gonna be okay
16:50you think he's gonna be fucking okay yeah is that what you're saying no no no no no you said
16:55it glenn so just tell me what the fuck you're just saying what did I no no no you just said
17:00he's gonna be fucking okay he doesn't have a fucking sack sorry rando no no no don't fucking
17:07say you're sorry I'll fucking come over this fucking table and I will take you down right
17:11fucking here right fucking here man no just shut the fuck up
17:16you guys see my phone anywhere I haven't seen it since we were on the plane I don't know what I did
17:23yeah fuck I hate when that happens you know it's fine I'll just have my assistant order me a new one
17:31get it delivered sink it to the cloud I'll be back online in a couple of hours wow that easy huh
17:36yeah then we'll find out where Kirsten's been and nail down who this mole might be that'll be great
17:42yeah it will be great Glenn
17:44I want to find out who's behind this yeah I bet you do Glenn
17:55all right screw this should we go grab some wings
18:00oh I can fuck up some wings
18:02yup says magic kitty has the best in town
18:04here we go
18:05I'm not sure that's our vibe guys
18:07I'm pretty sure that's a strip club
18:09I think we can handle some mild nudity if the wings are worth it right guys
18:13oh yeah let's go
18:14come on
18:16this is nice
18:33yeah it's a good vibe
18:35hey hey hey thanks for having me
18:41oh absolutely Bert hey you earned it all right you deserve to be here yeah you really put in the work pal
18:47just thanks for noticing
18:49oh almost forgot
18:51oh
18:51get ready
18:54we've been talking and uh
18:55yeah we'd like you to have something
18:57wait what
19:00yeah what is this
19:04the password
19:05to dr. Shestak's photo sharing link
19:08only six people on the planet have access
19:11who
19:12I don't know what to say
19:14say yes
19:16say yes to the link of your gynecologist who passes pussy pics
19:20what the link represents
19:22to us
19:23bring it in
19:25to us
19:26to us
19:26we got the best guests in the house tonight
19:29welcome
19:30please give it up
19:31for Pac-Man Joe
19:33woo
19:34if I see your white ass out somewhere
19:37with a fucking shirt on
19:38I'm gonna be highly motherfucking disappointed my boy
19:41my boy
19:41I bet not see you ever with a shirt on
19:43you know what guys
19:45I'm gonna hit the can
19:47make a little room for these wings
19:48okay
19:48yeah
19:49I'll be back
19:49hey you remember the crew
20:18my boy Milo and my boy Sully
20:20look at you guys
20:22we was inspired by you bruh
20:23this how we doing now
20:25shut the fuck up
20:27you changed shit for us
20:28gave us a whole new perspective
20:29really
20:30yeah look at all these motherfuckers
20:32letting rules and shirts dictate their lives
20:34we over here living life on the buckle
20:37you know what I mean
20:37no seatbelt
20:38like for real
20:39boy we about to have a ball tonight
20:43my boy
20:43yes we are
20:45let's fucking do this
20:46okay
20:46let's do shots
20:47let's go
20:51oh man
20:51hey did you meet that new chick
20:55the one over there
20:56some other thing
20:56yeah let me go get her
20:57okay
20:58I'll get her I'll bring her back
20:59alright you guys stay here
21:00everybody welcome back to the stage
21:04one time to the stage
21:05oh excuse me
21:07you okay bruh
21:08yeah you're like fully sweating
21:10must have been a doozy
21:12no I'm good
21:13but I can't say the same for the shitter back there
21:15wait a second
21:17what
21:18did you sneak in a lap dance behind our backs
21:21did you sneak in a lap dance behind our backs
21:21did you sneak in a lap dance behind our backs
21:23did you know I was going to the shitter and I cut the corner and this stripper like grabs me and like throws me down and starts grinding on me
21:33seriously it was like she was trying to undo my fly with her butt she was just
21:36which girl
21:38uh it's that one right there
21:41and she said she could get us in the private room
21:44let me get her over here
21:45no no no no no no no no no no no no I'll talk to her
21:48I already set up a rapport with her
21:49you know it would be weird
21:51yeah go go go go go go go
21:52what's good fellas
21:54where is she bro
21:56who
21:56what the fuck you got going on my boy
21:59what are you talking about man
22:01I'm just partying
22:02wait wait wait you said you was going to get the girl
22:04then you disappeared for way too long
22:06like what the fuck
22:06yeah then you came back here out of breath and shit
22:08not remembering what you told us
22:09yeah
22:10you doubtfiring us bro
22:11no
22:11I'm not doubtfiring anybody I swear to god
22:13I don't know man
22:14we seen you go put a shirt on and go sit with them white folks over there
22:17you really think you could just switch up your whole thing and bounce back and forth without us knowing
22:21hey look this place too small for that shit though
22:23yeah at least in the movie you was far away enough
22:25yeah you was a waitress with a tray to hide behind
22:28you just out here in the open with it
22:29all right listen guys I thought it was just a shirt and not prosthetics and a wig
22:33I could get away with it
22:34nah nah nah nah nah my boy
22:36what about the other guys is they still working on them
22:39oh thanks for reminding me
22:41we're about to find out
22:42hey
22:44oh Bert
22:45what the fuck
22:47sorry guys
22:48I just got caught up
22:50well what happened to your shirt
22:51same fucking stripper
22:56I went to talk to her about the private room and she fucking ripped my goddamn shirt off
22:59you know I gotta say I'm a little shocked right now
23:03okay yeah like to my core I mean here I thought we were all being honest with each other
23:09yeah I'm a little disappointed in you too Bert
23:10wait hold on guys let me explain
23:12because from here it looked like you were partying with pac-man jones without us
23:17wait what you know pac-man fucking jones
23:21uh yeah a little bit
23:25well are you gonna introduce us or what
23:28I'm so fucking wasted
23:56yeah but you're gonna be good for the surgery right
23:58what
23:59oh yeah
24:00a cup of coffee maybe a bump or two I'll be just fine
24:03that's all
24:04that's a whole lot of ass just a juicy booty
24:08tattoos on her back long wee cutie
24:10she gonna make it wiggle
24:11she gonna make it wobble
24:12her throat long like a turkey
24:14she gonna gobble gobble
24:15she gonna put it in her mouth
24:16she gonna bobble bobble
24:17holy shit
24:21Bert
24:22come on in
24:24no no I'm good
24:25I'm
24:25no no no Bert
24:26take a seat
24:27no actually I'd rather not land it
24:29found my phone
24:30huh
24:31in your jacket
24:33sit down Bert
24:37it was you
24:47huh
24:49how did I not see it
24:51here I was questioning lifelong friendships
24:54and it never occurred to me it might be the new guy who just joined the fucking crib
24:58that's a surprisingly easy mistake
25:00huh
25:00listen I'm sorry Len and I I don't know what happened
25:03I guess maybe Kirsten must have ever heard me talking with you guys on the phone at the school
25:08and then she came over to me
25:09oh no don't tell me she blackmailed you
25:11she actually did
25:12oh fuck
25:13I know it's really upsetting
25:14oh fuck
25:15I know
25:15and I was gonna come and talk to you probably
25:17stop
25:18oh I just came
25:19oh
25:20thank you honey
25:21that's great
25:22you're welcome
25:23oh
25:24oh
25:25god damn
25:27I can't believe she did that
25:28I thought you finished in her mouth
25:30yes Kirsten
25:31god it just
25:32it kills me that she did this to you
25:33I mean I guess she was just so upset that Zach broke up with her you know
25:37and she didn't know why
25:38and none of us did
25:39yeah
25:41then I saw him in one of your
25:43stupid fucking jerseys and
25:46well it hit me
25:47you seduced him didn't you
25:50so you could rest easy knowing that the kid couldn't bust for shit
25:55it's actually fucking brilliant
25:57look I was just looking after my daughter
25:59oh no I get that
26:00hey I'm a girl dad too
26:02and look don't even worry about Kirsten blackmailing me I'll talk to her alright
26:07oh
26:08Landon
26:09you have no idea bro
26:11on one condition
26:12oh
26:13Mr. and Miss Barklage is this Sunday
26:15and you're gonna be up there right
26:18you're gonna be the one announcing the winner
26:19it's all in your hands
26:21I'll just read
26:22the name of whoever wins
26:24absolutely
26:25you should
26:26100% read the name
26:28of whoever gets the most votes
26:29cool
26:31but it's Kirsten
26:33wait
26:35hang on
26:36what if someone else wins
26:37oh yeah
26:38well then you should absolutely read that person's name
26:41but it's Kirsten
26:43wait I'm a little confused
26:44because you keep saying
26:46that I should read whoever
26:48it says
26:49yeah I mean we want to be fair don't we
26:51right
26:52right
26:52yeah
26:52right
26:53okay well then good we're on the same page
26:54okay
26:55they'll count the votes
26:56yes
26:56they'll hand you a piece of paper
26:57with the name of the new Miss Barklage on it
26:59and you
27:00as the MC
27:01will read that name
27:02okay
27:03okay
27:04great
27:04great
27:05but it's Kirsten
27:06all right
27:10well
27:10I'm gonna go do another bump
27:13just to get ready for surgery tomorrow
27:14are you good
27:14I knew I could count on you
27:17I'll be right back
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