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00:09Andy's coming back today.
00:14Andy's coming back today.
00:17Andy's coming back today.
00:19David Wallace sent him on an outward-bound wilderness adventure for a whole month
00:23to make him more decisive and confident.
00:25He sent his own son, too, and the counselor said they both grew up big time.
00:34How was my summer? It was pretty mixed.
00:36I invented a new power drink made out of beet runoff.
00:40Mmm. Mmm.
00:42So that's really good.
00:44But I got some disappointing medical news.
00:49Mr. Schrute, the results are in. You're not the father.
00:51I told you.
00:56Oh, God! Oh, my God!
00:58Oh, what a summer. An emotional rollercoaster.
01:04I ran over a turtle in the parking lot.
01:07But then I saved him by gluing his shell back together.
01:13But I'm not that good at puzzles.
01:15That piece doesn't go there.
01:16Shh.
01:18So I patched him with stuff from around the office.
01:22But I couldn't get the pieces to fit right.
01:26Then, one day, while I was reaching for the glue, I crushed his shell again.
01:33But I rebuilt him even better that time.
01:37But it turned out the turtle was already dead.
01:43Probably when I ran over him the first time.
01:47For us, um, nothing new, really.
01:52The kids are great.
01:53You are really good at modesty.
01:54She's a genius.
01:54She painted this incredible mural in the kids' room.
01:57There's a hippo leading a parade of 500 children through a village.
01:59Okay, well, you had that interesting thing.
02:01Oh.
02:02Yes, Jim's friend is starting a new company based on this idea that Jim had when they were back in
02:07college.
02:08It's sports marketing, basically, but the athletes are partners.
02:12And he wanted Jim to be a partner, too.
02:13In Philly.
02:14So that doesn't really work for the family.
02:17But watch this guy make a billion dollars off my idea.
02:21He said if it takes off, he's gonna buy us a new car.
02:23An Ultima or better.
02:26Kelly Kapoor is gone.
02:27Her fiancé, Ravi, was hired as a pediatrics professor at Miami University.
02:32I don't need him anymore.
02:34I am going to Miami, viatches, to hang with LeBron James and Gloria Estefan.
02:40Miami University in Ohio.
02:43On her last day, Kelly was still a little confused about it.
02:47Enjoy this now, losers.
02:48I'm so happy for you, Kelly.
02:51Shortly after Kelly left, Ryan quit and also moved to Ohio for what he claimed were unrelated reasons.
02:59I've actually done a lot of market research, and it turns out that Southwestern Ohio is going to be the
03:03next time.
03:04It's like Silicon Valley.
03:04They call it the Silicon Prairie.
03:06It's a big university town.
03:09And, uh, it's not garbage.
03:13It's my clothes.
03:14And that was our summer.
03:19You good?
03:20Yeah, thanks.
03:22Don't you guys have everything?
03:24I mean, it's just a paper company.
03:27Well, we're more following you guys to see how you turn out.
03:30Oh, yeah.
03:31I guess we were kind of dramatic in the beginning.
03:35Well, I don't think anything's going to change in our lives now.
03:38With work and two kids, nothing interesting is going to happen to us for a long, long time.
04:00Andi's coming back today.
04:00Andi's coming back today.
04:12Andi's coming back today.
04:15Hey, uh, does anybody know where we throw these out?
04:18Oh, my God.
04:19It's called a garbage can.
04:21Helpless.
04:22There's two new guys back there with me now.
04:25They're in their 20s, and we really get along.
04:28Looking good.
04:29Just three single guys getting into trouble.
04:34They're like the new Jim and Dwight.
04:37Oh, yes, yes, I see that.
04:40Perfect.
04:41Hey, new Jim.
04:43Come sit on my face.
04:44Oh, thank you.
04:46My name's Pete.
04:48No, Pete is not the new Jim.
04:51The only thing we have in common is that neither of us wants to sit on Meredith's face.
04:55And if that makes him the new Jim, then every human being in the world is the new Jim.
05:00Andi's here.
05:01Old Dwight.
05:02New Dwight.
05:02Andi's here.
05:02New Jim.
05:03Andi's here.
05:04Pam.
05:04He's here.
05:06Hey!
05:08Ah.
05:09Wow.
05:10I thought about this place a lot when I was on Solo.
05:13Three days on a mountain.
05:14It'll change it.
05:16The things we think we need.
05:18Clocks.
05:19Yeah, right.
05:20It sounds amazing.
05:21Tell us all about it.
05:23What are you still doing here?
05:25Wonderful, thanks.
05:27You know, I had this really funny dream during Outward Bound that you died.
05:33Brilliant.
05:35See me in my office later.
05:37The new guys.
05:39All right.
05:40It's Clark and, um...
05:42Pete.
05:44And Outward Bound, it was all about nicknames.
05:45They called me Iceman.
05:47You will be called Plop.
05:49What?
05:49Why?
05:50Because you're always taking dumps.
05:51No, I'm not.
05:52Come on.
05:53Everybody defecates.
05:54Relax, Plop.
05:55You will be called Fart because you fart all the time.
05:57I love it.
05:58Actually, Andi, we call this one Dwight Jr.
06:01No, I prefer fart.
06:03No!
06:03Dwight Jr.
06:04Infinitely better.
06:05You guys look exactly like Dwight.
06:07Go stand next to him.
06:08No.
06:09This is insane.
06:10I don't see it.
06:11I don't either.
06:12I don't either.
06:13Whoa.
06:15Mind blown.
06:16It's like father and son.
06:23Dwight, you cool if we call him Dwight Jr.?
06:26Yes.
06:28Yes, I am.
06:35Dwight Jr.
06:38In a way, it's like I have a son.
06:40And who knows?
06:41Maybe someday they'll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him.
06:45And then I'll have a grandson.
06:47Well, I need to give my cat up for adoption.
06:50The one who uses the doorbell?
06:52Or the one with the Mexican hat?
06:53Or the one with the rain galoshes?
06:55Or the one that you let go around naked?
06:57Angela's cats are cute.
06:59So cute that you just want to eat them.
07:03But you can't eat cats.
07:05You can't eat cats, Kevin.
07:09No.
07:10The one with the long hair and the denim pants.
07:12Comstock!
07:14Okay, look.
07:15He's such a special kitty.
07:17I just want to find him a good home.
07:23He loves those pants.
07:27I'll take him.
07:29Please, after the turtle?
07:30I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle.
07:34Oscar.
07:35Oscar.
07:36Will you take him?
07:37No, I'm a dog person.
07:39If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.
07:43Those guys always turn back, Angela.
07:46Okay, give me something to talk about with young people.
07:48I read an article in Time Magazine about Dubstep.
07:51Okay.
07:52Yo, man.
07:53What's up?
07:54You catch that Dubstep article in Time last week?
07:57Off the charts.
07:58Time Magazine?
08:00Did you pick that up at the newsstand on your Ford Taurus?
08:05Yeah, I'll read that as soon as I finish the Farmer's Almanac.
08:08You read the Almanac?
08:10Crazy Gibbous Moon next month, yo.
08:12Right?
08:13Right, yo.
08:15Okay, see you later.
08:20I have no idea what just happened there.
08:24David, Outward Bound was incredible.
08:26I was the best at slacklining.
08:28I ate a worm.
08:29Glad to hear it.
08:30Went to the bathroom anywhere I wanted.
08:32Literally anywhere.
08:33Blew a rabbit right out of his hole.
08:34You sound really confident and decisive.
08:37He is never going back in that hole.
08:39Uh...
08:39I'm sorry.
08:40At Outward Bound, you get used to talking openly about body functions because everyone,
08:44literally every single person, has diarrhea.
08:49Hey, you wanted to see me?
08:50Yeah.
08:51I gotta go, David.
08:53Why is Nellie still here?
08:54Didn't you get my postcard?
08:55Oh.
08:56Uh...
08:56On the front is a pretty waterfall.
08:59And on the back, it says, Fire Nellie.
09:06I don't think that's buried, Jace.
09:09I did get your postcard.
09:11Um...
09:11Didn't you get my care package?
09:13They wouldn't let me have it because there were cookies in it.
09:15Oh.
09:17Well, in addition to the cookies, I sent an explanation of our labor laws here.
09:23And...
09:23You can only fire Nellie for cause.
09:25Hmm.
09:26Then I will make up a cause.
09:28Eh, except you just told me you were gonna make it up.
09:30Now, if she sues, I have to testify against you.
09:33Then forget I just told you that.
09:34Can't.
09:35I took a course at the Weintraub Memory Academy.
09:38I sat next to this woman named Beverly Brooke.
09:40She had a Greek salad for lunch.
09:43You see what I mean?
09:44Now I know why Michael hated you so much.
09:47I am.
09:54Good boy.
09:55Getting big and strong.
09:57Snack foods!
09:59Yep.
10:01Body by Cheez-It.
10:03Ah.
10:03Humor.
10:04I have it, too.
10:06Oh, boy.
10:07I got a couple of tickets to the Slayer concert ten months from now.
10:11You interested?
10:13I think I'm busy that night.
10:15Out where I would.
10:17Hmm.
10:17Okay.
10:18Well, we're both just kind of learning as we go, aren't we?
10:21Learning what?
10:22Just how this is gonna be.
10:25You know?
10:28You have a beautiful round head.
10:31Okay.
10:32So what kind of farming you into, huh?
10:34More of a fruit man or a root man?
10:39Hey, is this code for, like, gay stuff?
10:43Because if so, that's totally fine.
10:44Like, I'm fine with it.
10:45But, you know, you should know that I'm into the ladies.
10:49Spoken like a true root man.
10:51Hey, you know, if you're ever swamped,
10:53I could make some sales calls for you.
10:56My calls?
10:57So could you give me a list of all your clients
10:59or just the leads that you haven't had time to pursue yet?
11:01You want a list of my clients?
11:03You want my leads?
11:04Yeah, I'll just give them a glance.
11:05I'll give it a read.
11:06Yeah, with my leads and stuff like that.
11:09Because you're interested in going into sales.
11:11I am.
11:11Wow, that's great.
11:12Yeah.
11:13That's great.
11:14Okay, good.
11:14Let's talk about that, okay?
11:16Okay.
11:17You're not getting my clients.
11:19Nice try.
11:22Paranoid?
11:23I'm not familiar with the word.
11:25And I really don't have time to learn new words right now, okay?
11:27A pudgy 22-year-old is trying to take my job.
11:33Oh, a ladle.
11:34Boy loves ladles.
11:36I think we own more than that.
11:38Okay.
11:39Throw in a slotted spoon.
11:42Roy Anderson, my former fiancé, is getting married.
11:46Unless his bride pulls what I'm sure they call a Pam.
11:51Or a...
11:52That bitch Pam.
11:54Jim.
11:55Get ready for the battle in your life.
11:57Done.
11:58Explain.
11:59The new guys.
12:00Dwight Jr. is after my job.
12:02Yeah.
12:03There is a shark hiding inside that adorable little cherub.
12:05Oh, now I get what Pete was talking about at the sales meeting yesterday.
12:09Wait.
12:10Sales...
12:11What sales meeting?
12:12The new guys called one.
12:13The new guys called a sales meeting?
12:14Clark ended the whole thing with a karate demonstration.
12:17Did you know there was a belt above black?
12:19There's no belt above black.
12:20Oh.
12:21Is there a belt above black?
12:22You should ask it.
12:23It's a color you would never expect.
12:28Too easy.
12:31Attention everyone.
12:32Comstock is still available.
12:34Oscar has been flirting with adopting him, but still hasn't given me a definite yes or no.
12:39Definitely no.
12:39Fine.
12:41For any interested candidates, I will be conducting 20-minute interviews.
12:45My ideal situation would be an independently wealthy, cute couple with a strong commitment to education.
12:52Black or white, I'm fine with either.
12:54But not both.
12:55Listen, you're in this, but you need to wow me, okay?
13:00Psst.
13:02Clark just told me that he never studied karate.
13:04Why would he lie to me?
13:06I don't know.
13:06I thought you guys really had a good father-son thing going.
13:08Kind of like Luke and Darth Vader.
13:10No.
13:11Idiot.
13:12Luke and Darth Vader are enemies.
13:14What?
13:15Yeah.
13:15Darth Vader tried to attach a hand on Luke's arm.
13:17No.
13:18He cut it off.
13:19What Star Wars are you watching?
13:20Luke is trying to destroy Darth Vader.
13:26Oh, my God.
13:30Yo.
13:31Muppet baby.
13:32Got an urgent text from your social network?
13:35My brother, Mike.
13:36I'll bet you majored in self-esteem, huh?
13:39Newsflash.
13:40You are not special.
13:42My generation was taught self-esteem for like five minutes in kindergarten and we're still
13:47paying for it.
13:49When I was on my solo up above the tree line, I had this moment of clarity, you know?
13:54Yes, yes, yes.
13:55Those can be wonderful.
13:56And I was thinking about last spring and what you did to me.
14:01Mm.
14:02Mm.
14:03Mm.
14:04Mm-hmm.
14:04And the nickname I came up with for you is The Great Emasculator.
14:12Or better yet, Lady Second Chance.
14:16I wanted to talk to you about our working relationship this year.
14:20It's going to be terrible.
14:22Not necessarily.
14:24No, I'm going to make sure that it is.
14:27And if it isn't, I will take immediate action to rectify that.
14:32Now, I don't like to throw around the B word, but I'm going to be a huge bitch to you.
14:41All right, guys.
14:42Time to conquer your fear of low heights.
14:44Now, this is called slacklining.
14:47I set up the old slackline to teach the office the skills of focus and discipline.
14:51Or in the case of certain individuals, the skills of humiliation and looking really dumb.
14:57If you make it all the way across, your confidence will soar.
15:00But if you Toby out,
15:04then you'll feel like a real Nelly.
15:06How about a hand? Screw those guys.
15:08Now, these are my actual outward bound counselors, Rafe and Feather.
15:12Ice man.
15:13That's me.
15:14We called him Ice Man because he always complained about his canteen water being warm.
15:18The powder is for your protection. Feather has permanent athlete's foot.
15:22Feather, show them how you dance upon the line of slack.
15:30You, uh, you're a sports guy?
15:32Sure. Uh, boxing. Tennis.
15:35Oh.
15:35Any team sports?
15:37NASCAR. The Amazing Race.
15:41Phillies fan, though, right?
15:43You mean horses?
15:44No. Like ba-baseball. A baseball team.
15:47Nah, I like the Red Sox. I'm from Vermont.
15:51Okay. Good talk.
15:53I have nothing in common with plop.
15:56All right, who's next? Nelly.
15:58Oh, I would rather watch you and your talented friends.
16:02Nonsense. Get up here. Go ahead.
16:05Come on.
16:09Uh, you gonna wear your heels?
16:11I'm very self-conscious about my feet.
16:14Okay. Sure.
16:16There you go. That a girl.
16:18Hey! All right!
16:20Whoa! You suck.
16:23I- that was not a pu- she- I was trying to support her.
16:27Yes, it may have looked harsh.
16:29But, in the wild, you see that kind of thing all the time.
16:32Moms pushing their baby birds out the nests.
16:34I mean, come on.
16:35That was a dick move.
16:37I just couldn't help it.
16:40All right, who's next? Daryl.
16:42Seems like the kind of thing white people with dreadlocks do.
16:44Dwight Jr., this looks like your speed. Or plop. Huh?
16:48You wanna squeeze one in before you run off to the bathroom?
16:50That's a good one, sir.
16:52Uh, I guess I can give it a shot.
16:54Yeah, come on. Get up here.
16:56Just hop on up.
16:57Okay.
16:58Focus on the horizon.
17:03Whoa! Look at this guy!
17:08I've always been good at anything that required balance.
17:11My doctor says I have gigantic inner ears.
17:14Go Dwight Jr.
17:17Yes!
17:19Unimpressed.
17:19It's a tightrope for babies, boo.
17:22All right, let's see you do it.
17:23All right, let me show you how a real man walks across a flaccid cord.
17:37Hey!
17:39Who ordered the hot apple fail?
17:41Okay, I am just getting started, okay?
17:45You got this.
17:46This is all you.
17:49Oh!
17:51Oh!
17:52Got ourselves a yard sale.
17:57Oh!
17:59Paul's in-face!
18:01It's not a race, Dwight.
18:02Ah!
18:05Whoa!
18:06Whoa!
18:07Whoa!
18:07Well, it's official.
18:09Old Dwight is lame and new Dwight is cool.
18:12That's not true.
18:14Give me another chance.
18:16But your mouth is-
18:17This is a bloodbath.
18:18All right, I'm calling this.
18:20What?
18:20It's enough of this.
18:21Everyone, let's go back to work.
18:22This is not okay.
18:24Stupid activity.
18:24I would be embarrassed to be good at it.
18:30Okay.
18:33Idiots.
18:35You know, that was not appropriate behavior, anyway.
18:39Conference room meeting now.
18:40Let's go talk about this.
18:47All right, who has felt bullied by Andy today?
18:52I'll start us off.
18:54I felt a little bullied today when Andy said he knew why Michael hated me.
19:00Okay, and I'm feeling a little bullied right now by this Snickers.
19:04Snickers?
19:05Who has Snickers?
19:07The secret to a Snickers?
19:09You eat around the peanuts.
19:12Then it's not so bad.
19:15Sorry, could I just say, if this is about me, this is really not necessary because I am fine.
19:20So, great meeting everybody.
19:22Back to work.
19:23Not that I am the manager anymore.
19:26That is your job, and you are very good at it.
19:28So, over to you, Andy, if that's what you want.
19:35Okay, I think Nellie feels bullied by you, Andy.
19:37Uh, no, that's...
19:38It's not, uh, not my words.
19:41Can I just say, I'm feeling a little bullied by over-sensitive people who feel bullied by everything?
19:46Um, I am just asking you to check the transcript because I never said bullied.
19:51Am I supposed to keep transcripts?
19:53Mm-mm.
19:54Angela bullies me.
19:56Example?
19:56She won't give me her cat.
19:58Just because I killed my turtle a few times.
20:01What?
20:01People kill Angela.
20:03There's no reason to judge them.
20:04I feel bullied by Creed always looking at my sweet rack.
20:07Please, I am not looking at your rack.
20:09You have some crumbs or some delicious carrot cake on your chest.
20:12My freckles?
20:13He looks at me like that, too.
20:15Okay.
20:16Bully me all you like.
20:17I can handle it.
20:18I have very thick skin.
20:19Thick wrinkled skin.
20:21Sometimes I look at you and you're just doing this with your mouth.
20:24I don't know what that is.
20:25Your cheeks look like an old western saddle.
20:28No problem.
20:29I can handle it.
20:31You can all pile on after my smoke break.
20:34You know, when I was on Hour Bound, I was bullied by self-doubt.
20:40Nobody cares about your dumb wilderness stories.
20:49And how can I be a bully?
20:50I'm a sweetie pie.
20:51You're a bitch.
20:54Oh God.
21:01I'm not even the old Jim anymore.
21:02I'm the new Stanley.
21:04Well, if you become the new Creed, I'll divorce you.
21:08No.
21:18Slack lining.
21:19Big deal.
21:20Untie that rope.
21:22Give it to a couple of pig-tailed school girls.
21:24Let them start jumping with it while chanting a rhyme and giggling about boys.
21:27Doesn't seem so macho now, does it?
21:29It's a jump rope.
21:43It's a jump rope.
21:44Dwight!
21:48Pam?
21:48Hey, I'm up here, up the ladder.
21:50Come on.
22:02What are you doing?
22:04Come here, I'll show you.
22:09Why do you want this cat?
22:11Um, I don't want it, really.
22:13How would you support the cat?
22:14What are your ambitions?
22:16I want to start my own business.
22:18I want to be a millionaire.
22:19Lots of things.
22:20Travel, make the world a better place, earn an MBA at night.
22:24Have you taken any concrete steps?
22:27Well, I'm still just fitting in here, you know, getting used to the new job.
22:31Mm-hmm.
22:32But definitely on the agenda.
22:35But that is a good idea, Angela.
22:37I should make a list.
22:39Oh, come on, Pete.
22:42God, that's just sad.
22:44If he doesn't watch himself, he's gonna be here for years.
22:47Doing nothing.
22:54Wow.
22:55Maybe Pete is the new gym.
23:01Do you see how the trapeze completely surrounds the wire?
23:04That means it is literally impossible for anyone to fall off.
23:08So you will merely sit below and be my counterweight as I pedal across the parking lot to that telephone
23:14pole.
23:14I will.
23:15You will.
23:15Yeah, we weigh about the same.
23:17Wouldn't you say?
23:17Sure.
23:18If you weigh 105 pounds.
23:20So you'll do it?
23:21No.
23:22Come on.
23:23This won't be the only thrill of your boring life.
23:26Dwight, you may find this hard to believe, but I love my boring life.
23:29Come on.
23:30Exactly the way it is.
23:31No, Pam.
23:31Yes, and there's nothing you can say that would get me to run the slightest risk of losing it.
23:36Please, please, Pam.
23:38Find someone else.
23:39I don't know.
23:39Ask Phyllis.
23:40I can't use Phyllis.
23:41Are you kidding me?
23:42The moment she steps off this bar, I'll be launched into space.
23:45God, you're so insensitive.
23:52Why are you getting rid of it?
23:54Allergies.
23:55Your husband?
23:56No, the baby.
23:57Please, it's my husband's favorite cat.
23:59He's broken up about it.
24:00It's the only time I've seen him cry other than our wedding night.
24:04You know what?
24:05I will take Comstock.
24:07Really?
24:08Oh, Oscar, thank you.
24:11I'll come by after work and pick him up.
24:13Yay!
24:14Oh, poor Robert.
24:16He won't get to say goodbye.
24:17He has this business dinner tonight.
24:20Oh, c'est la vie.
24:22Please don't teach the cat French.
24:26Yeah.
24:27Hey, good news.
24:28Tonight, when you come over for dinner, you can play with your old buddy Comstock.
24:41You ready?
24:43Yeah.
24:45You know what?
24:45I'll meet you down there.
24:46Just gotta make a quick call.
24:47Okay.
24:52Good night, Clark.
24:53Good night, Pete.
24:54Good night.
24:55Good night, Aaron.
24:57We thought Clark and Pete were the new Dwight and Jim, but it isn't true.
25:01They actually like each other.
25:02That redhead is choice.
25:05He thinks me needs a little ginger in my diet.
25:08Clark's not my friend.
25:09He's the douche I sit next to in the office.
25:12You're going after the boss's girlfriend?
25:15Yeah, you're crazy, man.
25:16Crazy about banging.
25:18Cause I bang like crazy.
25:20Am I the Tasmanian bang devil?
25:22It's been said.
25:23Not a big fan of Clark.
25:30Okay.
25:32Alright.
25:36Oh, God.
25:55Let's go.
26:14Attention employees of Dunder Mifflin.
26:17Everyone thinks the new guys are so cool.
26:21Cause they can slackline.
26:22Ooh.
26:24Hey, Clark.
26:25This is what a real salesman looks like.
26:29They say that you only live once and I'm about to prove it.
26:33Dwight Schrute!
26:36Hey, man.
26:37It's Halpert.
26:38Did you go to the other guy yet?
26:39Great.
26:40Don't.
26:41I'm in.
26:45Yeah.
26:45Yeah.
26:46I'm all in.
26:48Okay.
26:48Talk to you soon.
26:49Bye.
26:55Sorry.
27:04Wait.
27:08Wait.
27:11We dropped out.
27:15Wait?
27:20We're not
27:22circus copier did tricks on the high wire a lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a
27:27cat
27:28there was a dwight impersonator and a jim impersonator a strong man crushed a turtle
27:34i laughed and i cried not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company
27:46crap sorry nelly once again i understand that old habits die hard
27:51but if everyone would kindly walk their refuse to the trash bins instead of tossing them then we
27:58would oh it's nothing to do with me i just happen to be sitting near to where the bins are
28:07there are two things that i am passionate about recycling and revenge
28:15fluke
28:18so
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