- 3 weeks ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Supporting each other must be the key to opening the Vortex.
00:03The Vortex won't let us leave until we find who the real killer is.
00:07We're back.
00:08Only one way to find out.
00:30Warren and Lucy seem to have arrived in a perfect world, but as we all know, that's not how the Vortex works.
00:52Ah, there he is, just in time to play us the pamphlet.
00:55Oh, Warren, you just have to try this.
00:59You too, lovely Lucy.
01:05Interesting.
01:07Unique.
01:08Fermented soybeans.
01:10I kind of like this world, Dad.
01:13Yeah, got any sausages?
01:16Oh, sausages!
01:19Oh, Warren, you are such a scream.
01:22Now, if you don't mind, the barbecue is my domain.
01:26Any more?
01:29Significant other!
01:32Oh, I missed you.
01:35I've only been in the kitchen, silly.
01:37Yeah, um, babe, have we got any pork sauces in the fridge?
01:40But I'm starving.
01:41We're making you egg.
01:46And we don't have eggs either.
01:49Oh, hey Lucy.
01:50Hi, Bob.
01:51Do you want to see my new tattoo?
01:52Uh, sure.
01:54You can touch it if you like.
01:55That takes irony to a whole new level.
01:56I'm so glad you get it.
01:57Yeah, people say that Da Vinci was ahead of his time, but really I think he was just outside
02:01the realms of our comprehension.
02:03What do you think about that statement?
02:04Um, I…
02:05Shall we take this inside?
02:06I've got some poems I'd like to read you as well.
02:08Seeing you together reminds me how awesome you are, Ego.
02:09Hey, come on.
02:10Mm-hm.
02:11Mm-hm.
02:12Mm-hm.
02:13Come on.
02:14Game on.
02:15Mm-hm.
02:16Oh, hey.
02:17Come on.
02:18Come on.
02:19No.
02:24Oh!
02:29Being you together reminds me how awesome you are, Ego.
02:35Hey, come on.
02:38Come on!
02:51Hey!
02:54I see you, brother.
02:57We all see you, brother.
03:02Yep, and I see you too.
03:04He's right in front of me.
03:07Are you smoking now, bro?
03:08No, no, I'm not smoking.
03:10This is my thinking tool. It gives me clarity.
03:13Smoking.
03:17Oh, Warren.
03:19My friend, I've got to show you the salad that I brought.
03:22Now, it is chock full of Indonesian greens and some of those dandelion leaves that we foraged yesterday.
03:28Here you go.
03:34Oh!
03:36Oh my, you've got really tense shoulders.
03:40It goes way up to your neck.
03:42Oh, we should do some calming exercises.
03:46Nope, I'm good, I'm good.
03:47Where's Lucy?
03:48You seem distressed.
03:50Maybe we should talk about your feelings.
03:52No, Ketapai, Maz.
03:53Maz?
03:54Yeah.
03:55Who's Maz?
03:57That's you.
03:58No, my name is Murray, and if you're going to shorten it, it should be Mur.
04:02Why do you keep adding on zzzz to everything?
04:06You're the one that chose that name.
04:08It's even on your rugby jersey.
04:10Rugby?
04:12What's this rugby of which you speak?
04:15I've never heard of it.
04:20I've written a haiku on a piece of recycled paper.
04:23Lucy's grace shines bright.
04:27Sunlight dances in her eyes.
04:29Beauty in each step.
04:34I'm dead.
04:35Are you okay?
04:37Welcome to ESPN.
04:39Oh, thank God.
04:40The Essay, Sonnets and Poetry Network.
04:43No, please no.
04:45Here's your host, Dr Sean Fitzpatrick.
04:48I thought you'd be cold.
04:50Oh, tree that my love hangs upon.
04:53Oh.
04:56Lucy?
04:59Shed, now.
05:04Rugby god Tanaumanga is a poet laureate?
05:06This world is crazy.
05:08Oh, come on, Dad, it's nice.
05:10No one's trying to kill us.
05:11The food's actually really good.
05:12Your friends are intelligent for once.
05:14Some might even say it's a utopia.
05:17Or is it an utopia?
05:19Nope.
05:20Can't have a utopia without rugby.
05:22Sorry, darling.
05:23That's just a fact.
05:26No, no, no.
05:28I know what I had to do to open the vortex.
05:30Okay, in the words of every Star Wars character ever,
05:34I have a bad feeling about this.
05:36And I opened my bag and it was full of rose petals.
05:40Oh, wow, how sweet.
05:41Kia ora hoama.
05:43I was wondering if any of you fellas, I mean you gentlemen, would like to accompany me to the park down the road.
05:50Let us commune with nature as friends and kindred spirits.
05:54Oh, we can listen to the tui.
05:57Oh, that song is so beautiful this time of year.
06:00Yep, that's it.
06:01We'll listen to some tui.
06:02Love me a bit of tui.
06:03But also, I would like to teach you all a little game.
06:10Surely if we want to hear the tui, we should be deeper in the forest.
06:14Spread out.
06:19Okay, spread out in a line with some distance in between you.
06:23See this?
06:25This is a rugby ball.
06:29Now you pass this to Darren.
06:33No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
06:35Throw it to Darren.
06:38Come on, bro, you can do better than that.
06:40Try that again, but with a bit more kaha behind it.
06:42And from your hip.
06:43Like this?
06:44From the hip.
06:47Yeah.
06:48Better?
06:49Yeah.
06:50Okay, now you have a go, Daz.
06:51Daz.
06:52I like the shortening of names and adding a Z.
06:55Okay, Maz.
06:58Oh, I got it.
07:00Oh, I like that.
07:01Heaps a kaha.
07:02Pretty mean, eh?
07:03Yeah.
07:10Oh, Daz.
07:12Slides.
07:13Throw it properly.
07:14Oh, boy.
07:15Oh, boy.
07:17Oh, boy.
07:21Oh, boy.
07:22You know, D&D.
07:23We watch at night and we play all day.
07:25Oh, man.
07:26Oh, man.
07:27Oh, man.
07:28Oh, man.
07:29Oh, man.
07:31Oh, man.
07:32Oh, man.
07:33Oh, man.
07:34Oh, man.
07:35Oh, man.
07:36Ronin' Maul, Ronin' Maul, Ronin' Maul, Ronin' Maul, Ronin' Maul, Ronin' Maul, see our blood, feel the pain, taste the mud, punch, punch, punch, runnin' Maul, the glory of the old boy, the old boy, the old boy,
08:03ohhh ohhh, ohhh, ohhh, you won't belong!
08:20yeah, in fact, go up, all right, give your back, give your back, give your back, huh
08:33How awesome was that, eh, brothers?
08:46Rugby!
08:47What do you reckon, Mustard? What did you like about that?
08:49Rugby!
08:50Yep, that's the name of the game, but what did you like about it?
08:52Rugby!
08:53Yeah.
08:54Rock!
08:56Rugby!
08:57Rugby!
08:59Rugby!
09:01Rugby!
09:01Rugby!
09:02Rugby!
09:03Rugby!
09:04Rugby!
09:05Rugby!
09:06Rugby!
09:07Rugby!
09:08Rugby!
09:09Rugby!
09:10Rugby!
09:11Rugby!
09:12Rugby!
09:13Rugby!
09:18Wow.
09:20This chakra tries soothing my chakras to no end.
09:23I knew you'd like it.
09:24Love it.
09:25My chakras are good to go.
09:28So, um, yeah, I would be keen to go to France with you. I think I'd love that.
09:37Me too.
09:40Speaking of France, would you get a kiss? In the style of the French?
09:47May I have your consent?
09:48Yes.
09:49Yeah.
09:50Um...
09:51I consent.
09:52Uh...
09:53Can the bike wait, Mr. Harrison?
09:54Dead?
09:55What have you done?
09:56It wasn't intentional. I swear.
09:57A city-wide riot has broken out across Wellington and Lower Hutt. We cross live to reporter Karen Karen.
10:02Thanks, Dominic.
10:03So, I'm here on the streets watching the hordes of men wreaking havoc, tapping anything that moves and then forming impromptu huddles with the orange segments. I've managed to find someone I can talk to. What's your name, sir?
10:11Bez!
10:12And, um, why are you doing all this tackling?
10:13Because it's awesome!
10:14Are you concerned that some people don't want to be tackled?
10:15No, it's awesome!
10:16Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby!
10:18So far, one fatality has been reported. A Mrs. Beverly Schrodinger.
10:20A city-wide riot has broken out across Wellington and Lower Hutt. We cross live to reporter Karen Karen.
10:23Thanks, Dominic. So, I'm here on the streets watching the hordes of men wreaking havoc, tapping anything that moves and then forming impromptu huddles with the orange segments. I've managed to find someone I can talk to. What's your name, sir?
10:26Bez!
10:27And, um, why are you doing all this tackling?
10:28Because it's awesome!
10:29Are you concerned that some people don't want to be tackled?
10:30No, it's awesome! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby!
10:33So far, one fatality has been reported. A Mrs. Beverly Schrodinger was sadly killed in a rolling mall. Authorities advise everyone to stay indoors and avoid all contact with oval objects.
10:46Back to you in the studio.
10:48Dad, what have you done?
10:49I don't know what's going to get this bad, okay?
10:51They just went rugby crazy. All I did was teach them a few, like, spin passes, some chip kicks, and some dough-ins, and a scrum. That's it.
11:03Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
11:06I don't know, but I like the sound of this rugby.
11:09No, no, no, no, no, hey. Hey, look at me. What about the fact that different characters in Winnie the Pooh represent different types of neurodiversity?
11:18Wow. I hadn't thought about that, but it's so true.
11:24You have to fix this.
11:25How?
11:28Uh, no, no, don't answer that.
11:30Well, that could be the artisan chutney that I ordered.
11:32No, um, honey. Honey, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
11:37Hey, ni hao, namaste, talofa laba, tēnā koe, and bonjour. I always forget bonjour. And he's French.
11:44Hey, my name's P. William Doyle, and I'm a cop. A counsellor of people. It's an acronym.
11:49Yep. Ah, I know who you are, Phil.
11:51Hey, friend.
11:52Hey, honeymoon.
11:53Hello.
11:54Nice man bun.
11:56Oh, thank you. That's, wow, that's a nice compliment. Thank you.
11:59Um, so look, it's come to my attention, or our attention, that you've incited the citywide riots that are currently taking place in the city.
12:06Hey, look, I only wanted to teach some dudes about the greatest game there ever was. I never thought it would end like this.
12:12Oh, all these emotions that are bubbling away down there. You know what we should do? Is talk about your feelings down at the station over a Serenity Brew or three.
12:21Why can't we just have a chat here?
12:23Well, I just don't really feel like the Feng Shui in here is conducive to us having some open and honest dialogue, that's all.
12:29Why don't you come with me down the station? Here we go. He won't be long. Bye, Queen.
12:42How's the Serenity Brew, Warren? How's the Serenity Brew?
12:48Now, Warren, I think it's important for us to talk through the context of what you've done.
12:55Now, would you be open to doing that?
12:57Mm-hmm.
12:58Good.
12:59Good for you, mate.
13:00Now, not a lot of people know this, mate, but the game of rugby was outlawed in the early part of the 20th century.
13:12See you later.
13:13And the New Zealand government since that time, quite rightly, has tried to suppress any sporting activity that might cause public disorder.
13:22And any person still wrestling with the compulsion to play the game of rugby is usually bound up into a straitjacket
13:29and shipped off to the global sporting penile colony that we all know as Australia.
13:35Yeah, well, where I come from, rugby brings us all together.
13:39What are you talking about? Whereabouts do you come from?
13:41Uh, I mean, uh...
13:42Hey, you're not from...
13:44...Australia.
13:45Are you?
13:46No, relax. I'm not from Australia.
13:48Woo! Holy smoke! You can't scare me like that, mate.
13:53Woo!
13:54My sacral chakra just about did a backflip.
13:56Goodness gracious me. Hey, if you're not from Australia, then how do you know the rules of this heathen sport known as rugby?
14:03I, uh, guess it's just in my DNA.
14:07Well, let's get it out of there, mate. Let's get it out of your DNA.
14:10Now here at COPS, we have a procedure whereby we like to let the perpetrator, that's you Warren, know the effect of their actions on the wider community.
14:18And I find the best way to do that, mate, is through the power of non-confrontational improv.
14:25Now would you be open to doing some non-confrontational improv, Warren?
14:30Yes.
14:32Epic.
14:37That actually looks surprisingly, bewilderingly, frickin' awesome, eh?
14:42No, no, it's just a silly game. Um, do you do any other kinds of physical activities?
14:48Yeah, I, I do a little kapoeira, uh, and some interpretive dance, uh, in amongst designing my own line of bespoke shoes.
14:56Wow. Correct answer.
14:59I hope your dad's okay.
15:01He's gonna be fine.
15:03Ha, hoo, hi, dad!
15:06Let me out, mum, it's dark in here!
15:09Ah!
15:11This time, Warren, you ask me how I am, and I'll be you, okay?
15:16Hi, Warren, how are you?
15:18Oh, me not know, cause me big dum-dum, me dum.
15:21I don't sound like that.
15:22Well, you would if you had a concussion, mate, which I believe happens a lot in the game of rugby.
15:26Ah, let's stay in it.
15:27Okay, this time, ask me if I want to go to the opera.
15:30Hi, Warren, would you like to go to the opera?
15:33Oh, me not know what opera is, cause me big dum-dum, me have too many knock to the head, me don't know Mr. Man.
15:37Look, playing rugby doesn't automatically make you stupid, okay?
15:41Well, I just think you're finding this very confronting, Warren, having someone like myself reflect yourself back at you so accurately.
15:46I thought that was very good, mate, very good.
15:48Some really positive things in there, Warren.
15:50And I think all that's left for you, mate, is to attend your re-blossoming.
15:56My re-what?
15:59It's a series of lectures based on anthropology, sculpting and the history of Mongolian throat singing.
16:03And I tell you what, mate, you're gonna love it!
16:05Okay.
16:06Yeah.
16:07So can I go now?
16:08Well, you've always been free to go, mate.
16:10No one's holding you here.
16:11Really, sir.
16:12I don't have to be here anymore?
16:13No, you came here of your own free will, remember?
16:15Well, did you take another knock to the head, cause you big dum-dum.
16:18Now, let's not forget this, your beautiful cashmere cardigan that you wrapped up and transformed into that nasty, nasty rugby ball.
16:27Here you go, mate.
16:28Okay.
16:29Here you go.
16:30Good game.
16:31Okay.
16:32Wow.
16:42Hey.
16:43The door said I was free to go.
16:45You were free to go, Warren.
16:47But in doing so, you evaded arrest.
16:49And that, my friend, is punishable by execution, I'm sorry to say.
16:52Seriously?
16:53Deadly.
16:54Oh, yes!
16:56They call me Attila, mate. Attila the pun.
16:58You know, this isn't the first time this has happened.
17:00What is it with your dystopian societies and your executions?
17:03What happened to my re-blossoming or the Mongolian throat kissing or whatever?
17:07Well, you forfeited all that, mate, when you waddled out of the interrogation room with your big dummy face.
17:11Okay?
17:12Now, I think now's a good time for us to get this little scallywag ready for his execution, friends.
17:16What say you?
17:17I've really enjoyed our time together.
17:22Me too.
17:23I don't think this reality could get any better.
17:26I know one way we can make it better.
17:31Would you like to kiss in the style of the French now?
17:35Oui, oui.
17:36Hi, honey.
17:37Hi, honey.
17:38Hi, honey.
17:39Hi, jump in.
17:40Your father is about to be executed.
17:41Executed?
17:42What the heck for?
17:43Oh, crimes against the humanities.
17:44So we should probably have a chat with him before that happens.
17:45They're gonna execute him?
17:46Yeah.
17:47Executions happen all the time.
17:48You should definitely go, though.
17:49Watching your father's execution might bring some closure for you.
17:50How do we save him?
17:51Hmm?
17:52Who?
17:53Dad, obviously.
17:54How do we stop them executing him?
17:55Oh, no, there's no stopping it.
17:56Look, I'm just trying to book a table at that amazing Ethiopian place.
17:57I thought we could go there after.
17:58Yes, and they do those stunning fermented and jitter pancakes.
18:00Where do they do the eggs?
18:01How do we stop them executing them?
18:02Oh, no, there's no stopping it.
18:04Look, I'm just trying to book a table at that amazing Ethiopian place.
18:21I thought we could go there after.
18:23Yes, and they do those stunning fermented and jitter pancakes.
18:26Where do they do the executions?
18:29You know where they do them?
18:29You tend to at least 50 of them.
18:3150?
18:32Why does this reality have to have such a dark underbelly?
18:35I always say that execution is a small price to pay for paradise.
18:41Drive there now!
18:47Talofa lava.
18:48Wait, you're my execution?
18:50Yeah, well, it's reliable work.
18:51And it's fun, too.
18:55Wait, what are you doing?
18:55Oh, we've started executing through the use of blow darts.
18:59Now, this frog's called Janice.
19:01Isn't she gorgeous?
19:04So the poison she secretes is all natural.
19:06Okay, now it's humanely extracted.
19:08Also, we brought the Bolivian poison dart frog back from the brink of extinction.
19:14Why didn't you just use guns, man?
19:19That's far too barbaric.
19:24Dead!
19:25Dead!
19:26Lucy!
19:26You're right.
19:27We have to get out of here.
19:29I'm sorry I didn't believe you that this universe sucks.
19:32Peace be with you, inside you and around you.
19:37Mr Doyle, please.
19:38Please don't kill my dad.
19:40Of course I won't.
19:41Don't worry about it.
19:42I'm going to get one of his best friends, Darren, to do it.
19:44Let's go, Dazzle!
19:46Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, can I please?
19:51At least let me have some final words.
19:55Hey, I really like that you said please there.
19:57It shows a lot of manners.
19:58So, yes, I'm going to let you say some final words,
20:01but you have to tell them through the medium of an interpretative dance.
20:05Yay, let's go, Warren.
20:10Hey, look, I'm just going to say some actual words.
20:13If I'm going to die today, I just want to say anymore.
20:18I've travelled to many universes, and in each one I just...
20:21I've just fallen in love with you all over again.
20:25Wherever I go, you're the light that guides me home.
20:30I just want to come home, my darling.
20:33We both do.
20:35We want to come home to you.
20:40Oh, Warren.
20:42I have something to confess.
20:45I've been practising ethical non-monogamy
20:51with Inspector Phil Doyle.
20:55And she is amazing, Warren.
20:58Monogamazing.
20:59I have to say, so giving.
21:01And so are you, mate.
21:02That speech was so heartfelt.
21:04It really moved me.
21:05I think you'd have to have a heart of stone
21:06not to be moved by those words.
21:09So here's what we're going to do, Warren.
21:12Continue the execution.
21:13Yes, let's go.
21:18Lucy, no.
21:19Don't kill my dad.
21:22No!
21:23I'm sorry.
21:28I'm sorry.
21:29You're all right.
21:31I'm sorry.
21:32I'm sorry.
21:32I'm sorry.
21:32I'm sorry.
21:33I'm sorry.
21:33I'm sorry.
21:34I'm sorry.
21:35I'm sorry.
21:35I'm sorry.
21:36I'm sorry.
21:37I'm sorry.
21:37What the Gundam winch has happened?
21:45Vortex!
21:47Let's go!
21:49Yep.
21:56What the hell did my body just do?
22:00What was that, Dad?
22:03Yeah, about that, sweetheart.
22:05But, um, okay?
22:07It's bound to come out sooner than later.
22:10What?
22:13Your mother and I never told you the truth about where you really come from.
22:17It all happened 18 years ago.
22:35Wait, I came out of the Vortex.
22:46What universe did I come from?
22:48I don't think this is our home.
23:04No, Lucy.
23:05I think this is your home.
23:07Dad, wake up!
23:18Perhaps Warren's luck has finally run out.
23:21Dad!
23:22But that's a story for another time.
23:24Another place.
23:25Dad!
23:26Another world.
23:27Dad!
23:27Dad!
Comments