- 5 weeks ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Um, just, uh, just a second, I, uh, oh, you know what, um, let me, uh, get a little
00:26more comfortable. Oh, sure, okay. Oh, where's my bra? Ah, well, I took the liberty of removing
00:33it on the way upstairs. That is amazing. It's part of my sexual sleight of hand. Oh, I've
00:41also switched your underwear to a thaw. Come on, Alex, I'm not that good. Wait, wait, wait,
00:51wait, wait, wait. Are we sure this is a good idea? Oh, yeah, I'm all about enjoying life.
00:56If I told you, it's my new thing. We're young and single, we should seize the moment. Oh,
01:01yeah, it was fine. Oh, okay. You know what? I just remembered, I thought of something you
01:12really like. What? I got some champagne downstairs. Oh, you remembered? Of course. I'll also grab
01:17some chocolate syrup and whipped cream. Oh, sexy, a little nine and a half weeks. Uh, sure,
01:23yeah, if there's an elf, I'm here. You got a girl upstairs. How do you know? Well, the
01:34only other time you move that fast is when the microwave timer rings. Well, excuse me
01:39for trying to burn off a few calories before enjoying a croissant pocket. Out of the way,
01:44Alex is waiting. Alex? Joey, wait. I'm not so sure you should do this. Oh, no, no, no,
01:50don't worry. We've talked. It's totally cool. She told me all about her thing, so. She told
01:53you she has feelings for you? What? Uh, what you said, that she told you about her thing,
02:00that she has feelings for you. That was not her thing. Her thing was being fun. Feelings
02:05is the opposite of fun. Oh, no, this is bad. You cannot tell her I told you that she's in
02:09love with you. In love with me? You said feelings. Yeah, she's been totally obsessed
02:14with you. Obsessed? You said in love. How long has this been going on? This is the first
02:20time you guys slept together. What? All this time? Yeah, and it's been really hard on her.
02:24You cannot sleep with her. Right. Why? Joey, she's one of your best friends. It'll screw
02:31up everything. Right. Crap. All right, well, I, I got to get out of it. Well, what do I
02:38do? Joey, you are going to have to turn down sex. Oh. I can do it. All right, I can do
02:47it. I'll just, uh, I'll use some of the excuses women have used on me. Hey, hey, several women
02:53have turned me down for sex. Most on the day Princess Diana died. Good luck. Yeah, I'm going
02:59to need it. I'm irresistible. All right, you know what? I got, I got to try to find a
03:02way to tone down my sexiness. Uh, oh, Michael's rain hat. Huh? You look kind of cute. Of course
03:11I do. Hey, Tiger. Hey, fella. Oh, bright lights. You're not shy, are you? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
03:29slow down there, killer. Aren't we going to talk first? You want to talk? Yeah, I'm not
03:37a piece of meat, Alex. I have a mind. Foreplay starts here. You want to talk? Okay, how's this?
03:47Take off your shirt. No, no, no, no, no. Why not? Well, I just, I don't feel like my body
03:54is very pretty today. What? Besides, I'm bloated. I haven't shaved my legs. And, and,
04:02and the princess. We lost our English rose. What is going on? Can I not mourn the people's
04:09princess? Uh, okay. You're being really weird. Do you not want to do this? Uh, whatever.
04:24You know, what do you want to do? Joey, I'm in your bedroom. My bra is off. I think you
04:31know what I want to do. The La Brea tar pits it is. I'll be in the car. Hey. Hey. I'll
04:43be done in a minute, okay? Okay. So I stopped by Joey's last night and he said you were over.
04:48Everything okay? Oh, yeah. Things are great. I was in Joey's bedroom and I threw myself at
04:53him and he didn't sleep with me. Never felt so rejected. Don't say that. What about when
04:58your husband left you? You ever wonder why you don't have any other female friends? Hey,
05:04I have you and Cheryl from the Psychic Friends Network, who, by the way, said that you would
05:08betray me. Look, I never expected Joey to jump into a relationship with me, but if I can't
05:14get that guy into bed, there must be nothing there. Oh, honey, I'm sorry. It's just been
05:22such a waste of time and energy. I got his name for Secret Santa and do you know how much
05:27trouble I've gone through to arrange the perfect present for him? What'd you get me?
05:31Nothing. I didn't pick your name. That is not the betrayal. I feel like such a loser and
05:38I shouldn't have to feel that way. The other night when you and I went out, guys were throwing
05:42themselves at me. And that Dean guy even sent me flowers. Oh, he is hot. And he is much better
05:48than Joey. He is richer and he is older, which means he'll be dead sooner.
05:51I don't think I'm ready to start seeing other guys. All I know is I need to stay away from
05:58Joey for a while. Well, what about his Christmas party tonight?
06:01I can't go to that. I don't know what I'm going to do.
06:06Oh, come here.
06:10Oh, I've walked you into a Lifetime original movie.
06:14Oh, I'm sorry. I'm in such a good mood. My new boyfriend, Albert, is picking me up for lunch.
06:28He's the most amazing man I've ever met.
06:31Really? What's he like?
06:32Well, he's strong and virile and he's spent the last two years traveling around the globe
06:37hunting big game.
06:39There she is, right for the kill. And me, without my sexiest woman in the world gun.
06:47Come here, Albert. I want you to meet my assistant, Gina. And this is Alex. She's the janitor in the building.
06:53I'm not a janitor. I'm a lawyer.
06:55Look, honey, I don't care what you were back in the Ukraine. Now you're in America and you're a janitor.
07:03Is that a new outfit?
07:05Why, yes, it is.
07:06Change it! You look like a tramp. I don't want the men around here seeing so much of you.
07:12Okay, I'll go buy a new outfit right away.
07:15Make sure that it is tight and too long so that you trip.
07:20Now, pull yourself together and meet me downstairs.
07:24Wait! Will you touch me today?
07:28You know I don't touch you in public.
07:33Please.
07:34Please.
07:34I shall almost touch you.
07:38Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
07:54Hey.
07:55Hey.
07:56Swing and a miss, Michael.
08:05Hey, so, Gina told me that Alex is, like, in love with me.
08:15Did you guys know about this?
08:17We couldn't say anything, man.
08:18We were sworn to secrecy.
08:19Well, I can understand that from you.
08:21But you, we were fake married in Mexico.
08:23That should mean something.
08:26I'm sorry.
08:27So how'd you find out?
08:29The worst possible time.
08:31It was right before Alex and I were about to sleep together again.
08:34What?
08:35You slept with her?
08:36No.
08:37Then it wasn't easy.
08:38But you know what?
08:39I made the right choice.
08:40Because I could really mess up our friendship.
08:41Yeah, Alex is a nice girl.
08:42She is.
08:43She's cool, and she gets me, and we have fun.
08:46You know?
08:51So you're going to talk to Alex about this stuff?
08:53No.
08:54I'm just going to be normal.
08:55Go back to having fun together, you know?
08:56And that's all going to start at my Christmas party here tonight.
08:59What?
09:00You're having a Christmas party here tonight?
09:03Yeah.
09:04You should totally come.
09:08There's going to be some great women at the party tonight.
09:10Like her.
09:11Let me see.
09:12Wow.
09:13Whoa.
09:14How'd you meet her?
09:15I didn't.
09:16But I'm now famous enough where I can pick out a model in a magazine, tell Bobby I want
09:19to meet her.
09:20Then Bobby calls her, and bam!
09:21Hot girl takeout.
09:22That is amazing.
09:23Yeah.
09:24You've got to be careful, though.
09:25Last week, I was careless with the page number I told Bobby.
09:29I ended up on a date with Val Kilmer.
09:33But he did take me to a really nice steakhouse.
09:37Man, this is going to be great.
09:39Yeah.
09:40It's perfect timing, too.
09:41You know?
09:42I've been with two women now.
09:43It's time for me to step up to models.
09:45Uh...
09:46You know what?
09:47Maybe I better call someone a little more your speed, Michael.
09:49Yeah, where's the before picture for that female baldness ad?
09:59Alex, it's Joey again.
10:00Where are you?
10:01The party's started.
10:02Get over here.
10:03No, stop it!
10:04Stop it!
10:11Anyway, hurry up.
10:12We really miss you over here.
10:13Come on.
10:16Bobby!
10:17Hey!
10:18Merry Christmas!
10:19Bye!
10:20Thank you for having us.
10:21If you touch my girlfriend again, I shall put you on a spit and roast you like a Christmas pig.
10:29Sorry, my British is a little shaky, but if you're asking for a cigarette, I don't smoke.
10:34Come on.
10:35Joey wasn't hitting on me.
10:36Enough of this!
10:37A warning.
10:39Stay away from my woman.
10:40I have been trained in the Sumerian death art of Kalanapahara.
10:46Bobby, initiate the dance circle.
10:49Yeah, everyone stand up and clap!
10:54He seems like a solid dude.
10:57I don't like the way Bobby is around him.
10:58She is not herself.
11:00Hey, Joey.
11:01Some of the models are here.
11:02You wanna come and introduce us?
11:03Uh, yeah, yeah.
11:04I'll be there in a sec.
11:06I invited the girls, but I didn't wanna have to be a wingman for these guys.
11:09When they get around women like this, they both have these stupid things they go to.
11:14Zach, name drops, the lamest celebrities.
11:16And Michael, now he's scored with a couple women, has this weird confidence.
11:20I know, he's been unbuttoning his shirt lately to show off his one chest hair.
11:25It's not good, Joey.
11:30Wow, Joey Tribbiani, I'm Robin.
11:32Oh.
11:33And this is my friend Tanya.
11:34Hi, nice to meet you.
11:35Uh, Robin, this is my friend Zach.
11:37He's an actor slash producer.
11:39Yeah.
11:40And, uh, this is my nephew Michael.
11:42He's a, he's a grad student at Caltech.
11:45Wow, you know, my, uh, concentration is applied thermodynamics.
11:48But my passion is passion.
11:53Ah.
11:56And the chase begins.
12:02Man, is that kid awkward.
12:03It reminds me of something my good friend Marlon Wayans told me about Jack 8.
12:07He said that...
12:11Has any woman ever stuck around to hear the end of that story?
12:14Judge Judy did.
12:19Hey, Joey.
12:20Hey, Howard.
12:21Hey, I know that, uh, Alex had you in the secret Santa, but I wanted to get you a little something
12:25anyway.
12:26Walkie talkies!
12:28Ah!
12:29For both of us!
12:30So we can still talk when you move to your new house!
12:33Oh, that's great.
12:34Thanks, Howard.
12:35And...
12:36And...
12:37And...
12:38And...
12:39A telescope!
12:42So you can see me!
12:44I'm gonna be standing in this courtyard every day from 5 to 8, waving!
12:52Okay.
12:53I'm gonna go set this up at your house right now.
12:54Yeah, but, uh, you don't, you don't have a key.
12:56Yes, I do.
12:57Hey, there you are.
12:58Hey, Joey.
12:59Oh, I was afraid you're gonna miss it.
13:00We are gonna have the best time tonight.
13:01Hold it.
13:02Uh, no, I'm sorry.
13:03Actually, I made plans.
13:04What?
13:05Is that a joke?
13:06This is my Christmas party.
13:07I mean, holiday party.
13:08Sorry, Mahmud.
13:09Sorry, Ari.
13:10Come on in, come on in.
13:11No, Joey, I really don't.
13:12I don't...
13:13Hey, hey, everybody, Alex is here.
13:14Hey, Alex!
13:15Hey!
13:16Hey, didn't you see me?
13:17Wasn't this great?
13:18Yes.
13:19Woo-hoo.
13:20Oh, hey there.
13:21How you doing?
13:22Oh, good to see you.
13:23Oh, those look good.
13:24Jingle bells.
13:25Merry Christmas.
13:26See you next year.
13:27Just kidding.
13:28What?
13:29What?
13:30Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
13:31Where you doing?
13:32Oh, good to see you.
13:33Oh, those look good.
13:34Jingle bells.
13:35Merry Christmas.
13:36See you next year, I'm just kidding.
13:37Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
13:38Whoa, whoa, whoa.
13:39I told you, I have plans.
13:41Yeah, but I got drunken Santa from the mall to come.
13:44You love him.
13:45No, you love him.
13:46You get so mad.
13:48This is an offensive corruption of the holiday spirit.
13:51And then your face turns bright red.
13:53It's great.
13:54That man does not deserve to be called Father Christmas.
13:56Yes, see?
13:57Look how cute you are.
13:59No, no, don't do that to me, okay?
14:01Don't call me cute.
14:02And don't be charming.
14:03Just let me go home.
14:05Well, hold on.
14:07This is about the other night, isn't it?
14:09Well, yeah.
14:11But nothing happened.
14:13It shouldn't make things weird.
14:15Well, it's weird for me.
14:17I'm sorry, Joey.
14:18I just, I can't be around you right now.
14:21Why?
14:21Come on, Alex.
14:23Look, everything shouldn't change between us just because of one night.
14:28It's more than just one night for me, and I think you know that.
14:32Let's just stop playing games, okay?
14:34I wanted to be more than friends.
14:36But after the other night, it's pretty clear that you don't.
14:39Alex, I just, I...
14:44I know.
14:53Joey, I'm at your house.
14:55I can see you.
14:57You look sad.
14:59Over.
14:59I feel terrible.
15:09Alex is so upset.
15:11Of course.
15:13She's crazy about you, and you just don't feel the same way.
15:16The best thing you can do right now is just give her some space.
15:19Yeah, okay.
15:21I've lost visual contact.
15:24What is your 20?
15:26If you can hear me, please respond.
15:29Man, this Christmas party's ruined.
15:31First, Alex, and it looks like it's not gonna snow.
15:34Joey, we are in L.A.
15:36It is not gonna snow.
15:36You know who likes snow?
15:39My good friend, Elvira.
15:45Hello, Michael.
15:48I understand that we're both seeing people.
15:51No, actually, I just broke up with my girlfriend.
15:53Oh, just when I'm in a relationship.
15:56Is it possible that we are living the greatest love story that ever was?
16:04Hey, Michael, come on.
16:05Okay.
16:07Hey, Joey, would you give us a hand with the girls?
16:09We don't seem to be getting any traction.
16:11Guys, I'm not really in the mood right now, okay?
16:13Come on, man, we need you.
16:14They won't give us the time of day if you don't introduce us.
16:16It has nothing to do with me introducing you.
16:18You're having problems with these models because you both act ridiculous.
16:21Okay?
16:22You with the confidence, which is like...
16:24What?
16:27And you, with the name dropping, it's...
16:29I haven't been that insulted since Cedric the Entertainer.
16:32Okay, enough, enough, enough.
16:33Look, you need to just relax and talk to these girls like a normal person.
16:38Yeah, that's easy for you to say, Joey.
16:40You've always had this special way with women.
16:41But there is nothing special about me, okay?
16:44I just act normal around beautiful women.
16:46If I acted like you, I would strike out all the time.
16:49Here, watch.
16:50I'll show you.
16:50Watch.
16:50Hey, hi.
16:52You know, I have a Return of the Jedi bedspread, and I've done it with two girls.
16:55I'll be number three.
16:58Oh, what?
16:58Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
17:00Hey, hey, hey.
17:02You want to hear about the time I went to SeaWorld with Patrick Swayze's brother?
17:05Girls, Joey's telling an amazing story.
17:08I'm trying to make a point here, lady.
17:13We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
17:17Ho, ho, ho!
17:19Hey, Drunken Santa.
17:21Great, you made it.
17:22Good to see you, Joey.
17:23Hey.
17:24Hey, man, you're not drunk.
17:25Oh, no.
17:26I quit drinking a few months ago.
17:28Turned my whole life around.
17:30Meeting well, working with a trainer.
17:32I've never felt better.
17:33Well, I'm paying you 80 bucks.
17:34Get drinking.
17:35Will do.
17:37All right, I'm going over there.
17:39Drunken Santa's getting loaded up right now.
17:40Alex can't miss this.
17:41No, Joey, no.
17:42Don't be so selfish.
17:44The only reason you should go over there is if you have feelings for her, which you do not.
17:48Well, who says I don't have feelings for her, huh?
17:51Do you?
17:51Well, I care about her, and I'm definitely attracted to her.
17:57But is that enough to, like, take a leap and risk screwing up our friendship?
18:01I don't know.
18:02Joey, if you really wanted to be with her, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
18:06You'd be over there right now, and you know it.
18:09Gina, could you get me a drink?
18:12I'm not allowed near the bar.
18:14Albert doesn't like the way the bartender looks at me.
18:16What?
18:17That's crazy.
18:18The guy's like 80 years old.
18:19Yeah, but in all fairness to Albert, I did sleep with him once.
18:25Listen, Bobby, this might not be any of my business, but I don't like the way Albert treats you.
18:29You're such a strong woman, and I hate to see some guy pick apart what makes you so great.
18:34You know, sometimes when you talk, I just hear...
18:38Bobby, this party bores me.
18:43Let's away to my Dodge Caravan.
18:46Can't we just hang out for a while?
18:48Oh, I'm having fun.
18:50I said we're leaving now.
18:52Come on, Albert.
18:53It's kind of early.
18:54Please tell your irritating assistant she is not to speak to me.
18:56Now, you wait just a minute.
18:58I'm the only one that gets to call Gina a miserable old bitch.
19:03You just called me irritating.
19:04B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b.
19:08Now, look, I want to stay, and I'm tired of you telling me what to do.
19:11Roberta!
19:12We will discuss this in the caravan!
19:15Oh, yeah?
19:16Well, maybe we discuss this.
19:18Well, this give...
19:19No!
19:20Yeah!
19:21That is...
19:22The single sexiest thing I have ever seen.
19:25You are untameable!
19:26Kiss him again!
19:27Not going on!
19:28Now you kiss him
19:32Very well
19:32No, no, no
19:34I have a card here for a Joey Tribbiani
19:41That's me
19:41Thanks
19:43Merry Christmas
19:44So Joey
19:54This Christmas you deserve to have all your wishes come true
19:58Love always Alex
20:00P.S. look outside
20:04Snow
20:12Alex gave me snow
20:17She arranged this like two days ago
20:19Before all that stuff between you two happened
20:21I'm going over there
20:25Joey
20:25No
20:25I know what I'm doing
20:28Let's go.
20:58Let's go.
21:28Let's go.
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