- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00hey bobby oh there's my star here's the schedule and the vip passes for your big movie premiere
00:10tonight you excited are you kidding me i am so worked up about this today i woke up at noon
00:15so you're coming tonight right oh absolutely and i even got a gorgeous new dress for the occasion
00:22look it's a dolce and gabbana and it costs more than what gina makes in a year
00:30do you think she heard that yeah i heard it good
00:33oh i've been on this horrible liquid diet all week just so i can fit into that thing you haven't had
00:41anything solid to eat in a week basically although i do allow myself one cookie per day it's the only
00:47way i can get through this thing oh if those little girl scouts knew the things i'm about to do to you
00:54who are you bringing to the premiere i'm bringing my family and my friend alex and my dad's coming
01:03out for me oh what a good son yeah and i'm flying him out first class too the ticket costs more than
01:09gina makes in a month it is not funny i don't even get benefits
01:15oh i am so excited for you tonight is going to be a great night oh thanks bobby
01:23fine what are you even gonna do with that i'm gonna have to ask you to leave the room
01:36come on
01:44come on
01:50come on
01:54come on
02:04Find your right dog, find your right
02:06You wanna be all right, you gotta watch all
02:08Hey, Joey.
02:17Hey.
02:17Um, I spoke to Dean earlier.
02:19Ah, good old Dean.
02:20He said he's been sending me presents while he's traveling
02:23and I haven't gotten any of them.
02:25Has anything been delivered here by mistake?
02:27I was wondering why Dean sent me chocolates and flowers
02:30and that skimpy silk robe.
02:32I'll go get it for you.
02:34Oh, by the way, the robe came stretched out
02:36with buffalo wing sauce on it.
02:41Alex, this is my dad, Joey Triviani Sr.
02:43Dad, this is my friend Alex.
02:45Hi, Mr. Triviani.
02:46Hey, how are you? Nice to see you.
02:46Yeah, did you have a good trip?
02:48Oh, it was great.
02:49Especially to ride home with my beautiful Gina.
02:52We passed a truck full of day laborers
02:54making hand gestures at her.
02:56The things they wanted to do to my daughter.
02:58Hey, yeah, she passed on the family good looks to this one, huh?
03:05I bet you make the girls crazy.
03:07They do tend to get agitated around me.
03:11Yeah, I couldn't sleep on a plane waiting to see these two.
03:14Aw, and you must be so proud of Joey
03:16and all the things that are happening in his career.
03:18Career?
03:19A career is a policeman or a plumber,
03:21not starring in Vampire Lust 3,
03:24wearing full body makeup
03:25or faking intercourse in a castle.
03:29Come on, grab it.
03:29You can stay in my room, okay?
03:35Hey, uh, what's wrong with your dad?
03:37Has he got a problem with Joey?
03:38I don't know what's going on with him lately.
03:40Every time Joey's name comes up, he gets all grumpy.
03:42Oh, well, that's not right.
03:44This is a huge night for Joey.
03:45He flew him out here.
03:47It's just like my mom
03:48when I graduated from law school.
03:50Three seconds.
03:52What?
03:52Three seconds before you made it about you.
03:55I'm sorry, but I feel bad for Joey.
03:58Your dad should be really proud of him.
03:59Oh, it's actually not that bad.
04:01Joey doesn't even realize that my dad's being this way.
04:03How? It's so obvious.
04:05Well, none of us pointed out to him,
04:06and Joey hears what he wants to hear.
04:09Oh, boy.
04:10So, where is Mr. Big Shot?
04:12Does he know I'm here?
04:13Dad, Joey is not a big shot.
04:15He's still the same regular guy he always was.
04:17All right, Alex, here's all your stuff.
04:19Hey, dad's here.
04:22Hey, good to see you.
04:24Huh? You look good.
04:25Yeah, you too.
04:27Hey, check this out.
04:28VIP passes for the premiere tonight.
04:30It's all access, and it'll be a nice memento.
04:33Oh, just what I want.
04:34And my dream has come true.
04:36I get to wear matching necklaces with my son.
04:38I know.
04:39Yeah.
04:39Okay, hey, so what do you want to do first?
04:43Michael and I were just going to go down to Sunset Boulevard.
04:45They just put up a huge billboard for my movie with my face on it.
04:48You want to go check it out?
04:48I think what I want to do is take a nap.
04:50Oh, he gets so excited and wears him out.
04:54Actually, I'm just tired.
04:56Oh, tired of being so proud of me.
04:58Sleep well, proud dad.
04:59How cool is this?
05:08I'm gigantic.
05:10Movies rated R for language, violence, and strong sexual content.
05:15Ha-ha.
05:16Guilty.
05:18Joey Tribbiani.
05:20Carmen Electro?
05:21Oh, my God.
05:22Hey.
05:23Wow.
05:23How have you been?
05:24I haven't seen you since...
05:25Since your dressing room,
05:26when you became the first man to ever turn me down.
05:29Yeah.
05:30Well, if I could go back in history and change one thing,
05:33that is what it would be.
05:34Really?
05:35You wouldn't have prevented...
05:36Nope.
05:36Whatever you're going to say, I'm not interested.
05:39You know what?
05:39We should get together and make up for lost time.
05:41What about tonight?
05:42Are you free?
05:43Ooh, I can't tonight.
05:45I got that premiere of my movie.
05:46Maybe you can come over after.
05:48Well, we were actually going to...
05:49Go.
05:49Okay, I will be there.
05:52Is that...
05:53Is that you on that billboard up there?
05:54Yeah.
05:55That's so cool.
05:57Our billboards are going to be right next to each other.
05:59You have one, too?
06:00Yeah.
06:01I'm here doing this unveiling thing.
06:03Carmen, it's time.
06:05All right.
06:05I'll see you later.
06:06Okay.
06:08Oh, my God.
06:22She's practically naked.
06:24What is she even selling?
06:26Because I really want to give someone money for this.
06:34This is a disaster.
06:36No one's even going to look at my billboard.
06:38Come on, Michael.
06:39We're leaving.
06:42Are we in the car yet?
06:44Hello?
06:49Hey, Bobby, it's me.
06:50Joey, hang on a sec.
06:52I'm starving, and I'm making Gina eat for me,
06:54and she's doing it all wrong.
07:00Come on.
07:01Savor it.
07:06Bobby, listen.
07:07Have you seen the billboard?
07:08Of course.
07:09The whole town is talking about it.
07:11I mean, how hot does Carmen Electra look?
07:15No, my billboard.
07:17It's right next to hers.
07:19How did I miss it?
07:21I was driving down Sunset, staring at Carmen,
07:25and I realized I'd driven up on the sidewalk,
07:28and then I hit something,
07:31and I sure hope it was a mannequin,
07:32because it split in half.
07:34Thanks a lot, Bobby.
07:37Good talk.
07:39Hey, Joey.
07:40I couldn't help but overhear about your billboard.
07:43Don't worry.
07:44I'm on the case.
07:45What are you going to do?
07:46I'm going to organize a protest
07:48and get her billboard taken down.
07:49And don't worry.
07:50When I put my mind to something, it gets done.
07:52I'm the one who got the no speedos
07:53in the hot tub rule repealed.
07:56With help from the two Danish gentlemen
07:58in apartment nine.
08:00See ya.
08:04Hey, what are you guys doing?
08:06Your dad is fixing the garbage disposal.
08:08I made it clear to him that he didn't need to,
08:10and he made it clear to me
08:11that he still treats women like it's the 1950s.
08:15Hey, how about a nice smile, toots?
08:17Come on, you guys.
08:18You got to get ready.
08:19You don't want to be late.
08:20Hey, I'm doing a job here, huh?
08:21Do you take a break in the middle of your job
08:23playing make-believe?
08:24No, we don't have to.
08:25There's so much time sitting around doing nothing.
08:27It's crazy.
08:29Give me that.
08:32My dad's a character, huh?
08:33Uh-huh.
08:35What?
08:36What's that look for?
08:37I don't know.
08:38It's just your dad.
08:39What did he do?
08:40Did he make a pass at you?
08:43No.
08:44I get it.
08:44You're insulted because he didn't make a pass at you.
08:46All right, well, if you want him to,
08:48just throw on a geisha outfit.
08:49He's got this whole Asian thing on.
08:53No, no, no, Joey.
08:54It's not that.
08:56Well, then what is it?
08:56Well, it's none of my business,
08:58but I don't really like the way he treats you.
09:01What do you mean?
09:01Well, you're doing this nice thing.
09:03You flew him out here,
09:04and he just doesn't seem very excited or supportive.
09:06But that's Dad.
09:08He has a problem expressing himself, okay?
09:10But he is my number one fan.
09:12Every time I'm on TV,
09:13I call home and I ask him,
09:14did you like it?
09:15And he says,
09:15let me get your mother on the phone.
09:17Then she gets on,
09:17she tells me he loved it.
09:19She also said he's never been more excited
09:20than he is for tonight.
09:22Hey, how long is this movie anyway?
09:24I need time to get home
09:25and have a beer before Leno.
09:27It helps me get the jokes.
09:30We'll be back in time.
09:31Hey, Dad, let me ask you a question.
09:33What was your favorite episode of Deep Powder?
09:35Uh, the one that was just on.
09:37You actually were good in that one.
09:39The one that was just on?
09:42Dad, they killed my character off months ago.
09:43How could you not know that?
09:45Look, I don't want to talk about this right now.
09:47I'm going to be late for the thing.
09:48Oh, hey, hold on.
09:49Let me just ask you one more question.
09:51You've got to know the answer to this one.
09:52What was my character's name
09:54on Days of Our Lives?
09:56Uh, I'll get your mother on the phone.
10:05It makes you feel any better.
10:06I have a similar situation with my parents.
10:10Three seconds!
10:16Okay to hear?
10:17Great.
10:17We'll be down in a minute.
10:19Dad, the limo's here.
10:20We've got to go.
10:21All right, all right.
10:28So the billboard protest was not well received.
10:33Howard, I don't care about this right now.
10:35Well, you don't have to because I'm on it.
10:37She messed with the wrong diabetic.
10:43Hey.
10:43Hey, ready to go?
10:44Yeah, you know, I just found out that Dad
10:46doesn't give a crap about my career.
10:48What are you talking about?
10:49That's ridiculous.
10:50No, it's not.
10:50No, Alex just told me about it.
10:52She did what?
10:53Yeah.
10:55Hey, you told him about Dad?
10:58Well, um, yeah.
10:59You white girls cannot keep your mouth shut.
11:04Why do you keep calling me that?
11:06You're Italian.
11:07You're every bit as white as I am.
11:09Um, I'm from Sicily.
11:10It is right next to Africa.
11:14Look, I'm really sorry.
11:15I brought all that stuff up about your dad.
11:17It's all right.
11:18It's better than I know.
11:20I just, I can't believe I flew him all the way out here
11:23just to impress him.
11:24It's obvious he thinks my career is stupid.
11:27Well, no matter what, you're bringing him to this really cool thing tonight.
11:30You know he's going to be excited.
11:31He did?
11:34Yeah.
11:35Yeah, you're right.
11:36This is the biggest, best thing I've ever done.
11:39He is going to walk away impressed.
11:40Wait, at least he's my love scene.
11:42It's my best work since Vampire Lost 3.
11:44I was all...
11:45Oh, good.
11:59You're ready.
11:59Okay, let's go.
12:05I'm not going to leave you here to die, Agent Wilson.
12:08This is so exciting.
12:10What's your big career?
12:11it reminds me of the opening night for my 10th grade play i played maria in a side story
12:19oh my god i just made it about me again i'm sorry
12:22i got a standing ovation
12:26pretty cool huh yeah sure
12:30okay check this out see that guy with the red hair the moron said the wrong line so many times
12:38they took them all away hey he's picking the devil
12:41don't look at me look up there you're gonna miss it
12:45want some popcorn yeah thanks
12:49god that's not eating thing is killing me i mean at least when gandhi did it he didn't have to sit
12:59through crap like this bobby you did it you got into the dress you look great eat something
13:05i don't know if i should if i so much as take a deep breath this thing's gonna blow
13:12oh god it was so delicious
13:21so what'd you think of that scene speaking as a plumber it don't make sense they try to poison a
13:37water supply one guy pulls a switch at the mount kisco damn problem solved i gotta get some air
13:45i'm gonna need your jacket why i just incredible hulked the back of my dress
13:54there you are dad you're gonna miss the end of the movie don't you like it
14:03eh it's a little artsy artsy i just blew up 300 terrorists from the fake middle eastern country of
14:10munar
14:12i don't know what to tell you joe well it's too bad you left the crowd was going crazy
14:15wait you throw a big party for yourself what do you expect people to do
14:18what did you like the scene where i saved the kid or when i get shot come on that must have been
14:25something uh name one thing about tonight that impressed you you know what impressed me these
14:30toilets point two horsepower pump probably one point six gallons of flush you don't see these too often
14:37jeez that i fly you all the way out here for my big premiere you see me in a big action movie
14:44and all you can talk about is toilets
14:48obviously it was a mistake bringing you out here you know what i do isn't good enough for you
14:52no no that's not true yeah okay name one other movie i've been in name one show
14:56you want to do this huh name one of my jobs
14:58what name one of my jobs name one of the buildings i worked on
15:02why what does that have to do with anything uh my job isn't good enough for you
15:06what are you talking about come on you know i wanted you to do what i do
15:10but you had to pick a job that couldn't be more opposite right you look down on me
15:15and part of me thinks that the reason you brought me out here for your big party is
15:19because you want to show me that your life is better than mine
15:23wow
15:25makes me sad that you would think that
15:27but you know what that's not my problem
15:30you're the dad you should be happy for me that's your job
15:33obviously this means nothing to you
15:39pretty impressive huh
15:42now if you'll excuse me i don't have to take this i have a date with carmen electra
15:46really hey did you see her new billboard
15:49wrong thing to say again red-haired guy you know what you suck in real life too
15:52hey joey hey come on in thanks yeah so how was the premiere tonight uh it was okay what's wrong are you alright
16:11well not really it's my dad we just had this big blow up about my career and i did you know what there's plenty of flat chested girls i can tell my problems to
16:26i gotta tell you i've been thinking about this for a long time
16:33oh me too and this time i am not gonna let anything stop this from happening
16:38hey
16:43sorry i just your billboard i didn't realize you could see that from up here
16:46oh yeah isn't it great they say it's the most talked about billboard on sunset in years
16:51great good for you
16:55so how about some wine
16:57yeah i just got this amazing burgundy from my friend bill
17:00board your friend bill board is that what you're gonna say
17:03oh joey what's going on with you
17:06are you jealous of my billboard
17:09what no no you know i'm over it it's fine you don't forget come on
17:13i'm not gonna let some stupid billboard or anything else
17:16mess this up
17:18you sure i am sure
17:20hi this is carmen leave a message
17:26hey carmen it's dad really disappointed in you
17:31parents huh
17:33for not telling me about your awesome billboard
17:36i'm so proud of you
17:39proud proud proud
17:41talk to you later sweetie
17:43are you okay
17:45yeah i just i don't want to talk about billboards or dads
17:48well let's switch at mount kisco
17:55problem solved
18:03sorry about that i just
18:05what's the matter too much of a big shot to make out with your own man
18:08oh
18:09oh
18:10oh
18:11oh
18:12oh
18:19oh
18:20oh
18:21joey
18:22yeah gina told me he was still here
18:24what are you even doing
18:25my vip pass clogged the pipe i'm trying to get it out
18:28dad you don't have to worry about that someone else will take care of it
18:31no no i want to get it out before it works itself loose and ends up in a sewer
18:35why
18:37i don't know i want it
18:39you do
18:41yeah you were right
18:43i should be happy for you
18:46and i am
18:48you need a hand
18:50sure
18:51what do you need over there nine sixteenths
18:56yeah how'd you know that
18:58come on
18:59i've seen you fix a million of these things
19:01remember when i was a kid you used to take me on jobs with you i love watching you fix stuff
19:05come on
19:06seriously
19:07you think i look down on you but it's the opposite
19:10i used to walk through new york point the buildings and say my dad did the plumbing in there
19:15so if you use one of their bathrooms stand up before you flush cause that thing will turn you inside out
19:20what do you know
19:22hey listen joe in the movie that part where you duck under the helicopter blade how do you do that
19:31oh well they put the helicopter in with a computer after we shot it i was only pretending to see it
19:37oh
19:39amazing
19:41uh
19:42could you hold this for me
19:44yeah
19:57listen joe
19:58i didn't mean to screw up your party tonight
20:01it's just that part of me held out hope that one day you come back and work with me but
20:07the more successful you get the clearer it is that that ain't gonna happen
20:13but
20:15this is nice right
20:19yeah
20:21yeah this is nice
20:23got it
20:25hey
20:26the best
20:27there you go
20:28oh boy thank you
20:29oh boy
20:30now you
20:31your mother won't be the only one wearing a necklace that i fished out of a toilet
20:39no
20:40joe i
20:41i never really officially congratulated you on your premiere
20:50what
20:51we're gonna do this now
20:52until you wash your hands
20:53yeah we are
20:54until you wash your hands yeah we are
20:55that is
20:56and i do
20:57we're going to talk to you
21:01We'll see you next time.
21:31We'll see you next time.
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