- 5 weeks ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:01Previously on Joey...
00:02You and Sarah are all happy. You're gonna move in together.
00:05Sarah's gone.
00:06What?
00:07For the next three hours, you can vote for which one of us gets killed off at the beginning of next season.
00:12Wait, what?
00:14I have sat around long enough hearing about how you paw and threaten my boy. It ends now.
00:18No one talks to me like that!
00:22Would you like a job?
00:28What'd you do that for?
00:30I don't know.
00:54Well, good morning.
00:57Who do you belong to?
01:00Joey, I needed to leave. We'll talk about last night later. Alex.
01:07Alex?
01:12No! No! Oh! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
01:16I'm still here!
01:21Hey, neighbor!
01:23Oh, okay, look, Alex...
01:24Oh, I'm still naked!
01:26No, no, Alex, don't go, don't go, okay? Look, it's fine!
01:29No, it's not fine!
01:30No, it's not fine! I don't do this! I don't wake up in some guy's bed and put my clothes on from the night before and sneak home!
01:37I see the girls who sneak out of here in the mornings and they're really yucky!
01:40That's just Wednesday mornings. Tuesday nights are talking.
01:42Wait, wait, Mucky! Look, don't go, don't go! Look, you're uncomfortable! I'm uncomfortable!
01:47But we have to power through this, okay? Let's lay it all out on the table, alright? I'll start.
01:52What's up?
01:55This is not helping! You are making it worse!
01:58Well, you're not looking away.
01:59Oh!
02:01Joey, it's me!
02:03What are you doing?
02:08I'm, I'm, I'm, uh, freezing! That cheapskate Alex turned the heat off.
02:12Oh!
02:14Joey!
02:15Alex? Have you no self-control?
02:18You couldn't resist the sexual dynamo that is helping?
02:21I'm still here!
02:24Alex, you dirty birdie!
02:29Alright, look, don't listen to her.
02:30Hey, Joey, who did you have up here last night? Sounded like a bobcat attacking a seal.
02:37Hey, Alex, what are you doing?
02:38I'm the seal!
02:45Come on!
02:46Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:49Everything gonna be alright.
02:51Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:55Come on!
02:57Everything going to be alright now.
02:59Everything's gonna be all right, you gotta watch all of me
03:06All right, you gotta watch all of me
03:11Man, I'm such an idiot.
03:18Things are gonna be so weird now between me and Alex.
03:20Yeah, they are.
03:21How did it even happen?
03:23I don't know.
03:24I was upset about Sarah.
03:25Alex was in a vulnerable place.
03:27And I don't know about her, but I was trying to work off a big meal.
03:32I can't believe this.
03:35Oh, God, I gotta call Bobby and see if my character got voted off the show.
03:38Oh, wait, before you call Bobby, I went to see her last night.
03:41Hey.
03:47Bobby, Morgan Stern's line.
03:49Uh, hi, this is Joey Tribbiani. Is Bobby there?
03:53I'm sorry, no. All her calls have been forwarded to this line.
03:56This might take a minute.
03:59She got a new assistant. Sounds awful.
04:03It's me, Gina.
04:05Oh, that's funny. My sister's name is Gina.
04:08Gina.
04:09Gina.
04:12All right, Gina, I know you're trying to hide it from me, but I think you're working for Bobby.
04:15I was trying to tell you, when I went to her office to tell her to leave Michael alone, she offered me a job.
04:21What?
04:22How does you talking about Michael lead to you working for Bobby?
04:25How does you talking about Sarah lead to you having sex with Alex?
04:28I explained that.
04:29I just had a steak this big.
04:35Anyway, you've never had a job like this before.
04:37Oh, that's why this is so huge for me.
04:39It's my first chance to work at a respectable place with a desk and a chair and a bathroom with a lock on it that has toilets with seats.
04:49Where did you work?
04:51Oh, I just, I...
05:01Alex, what are you doing?
05:03Hey, come on.
05:04Don't run away from me.
05:05Look, you're one of my closest friends.
05:07We have to get past all this.
05:08Joey, I don't think you understand.
05:09This is hard for me.
05:11When I'm around you now, I just feel so...
05:13Horny, I know.
05:14No.
05:17I feel stupid and cheap.
05:20I just...
05:21Normally, there would be months or weeks of dating and wooing before that would happen, but we had nothing.
05:27Not even one romantic night.
05:30Oh, I can fix that.
05:32I'll give you all that romantic stuff now.
05:35I'll...
05:35I'll woo you after the fact.
05:39Huh.
05:39So then we would do it backwards.
05:41No, Alex.
05:42We won't have sex at all this time.
05:47Backwards time-wise.
05:48Right.
05:50I don't know if that would work, but I guess it's worth a shot.
05:54So, uh, come by tomorrow night, say, 7?
05:56Okay.
05:57Okay, great.
05:58Oh, wait.
05:58What's tomorrow night?
05:59It's Tuesday.
05:59You're fine.
06:00Okay.
06:00Oh, good.
06:00Oh, Gina, you're here.
06:10Great.
06:11Let's get started.
06:13This is your desk, and this is your phone.
06:16And this is your sexual harassment seminar.
06:22I'll be in my office.
06:23Oh, wait.
06:24I actually have a couple questions.
06:25Hi, Bobby.
06:26And this is my other assistant, Jason.
06:29If you have any questions, just ask him.
06:32So?
06:33What do I need to know?
06:34You'll figure it all out.
06:35Nobody helped me out when I got here, and the harder it is for you, the better I look.
06:40No, no, you gotta help me.
06:41See, I really want to do well here.
06:42I'm a single mom, and this job means so much to me.
06:45Oh, it's like Aaron Brockovich.
06:51Hey, look at you.
06:52First day at the big job.
06:53How's it going?
06:54I'm gonna kill that Jason guy.
06:56You've been here half an hour.
06:58Look, Gina, if you're serious about making this work, you have got to be a professional.
07:02Who are you to give advice about working in an office?
07:05Oh, I don't know.
07:05I only played the CEO of a major lingerie corporation in the Showtime original movie Velvet Heat.
07:11Hey, Bobby.
07:17Oh, hey, Joey.
07:18Have a seat, doll.
07:20The results of the poll are in.
07:22Oh, God.
07:23They voted me off the show.
07:24Of course they did.
07:25I suck.
07:27You're still on the show.
07:28I'm awesome!
07:31I mean, what are they gonna do?
07:33Not vote for me, huh?
07:35I mean, this is America, not crazy land, huh?
07:39Huh?
07:39You love me?
07:40Right back at you, America.
07:42Mwah!
07:43Mwah!
07:44Woo-hoo!
07:46It turns out you were the most popular guy on the show.
07:50So I say we go in there and ask for a race.
07:54Ask?
07:54Bah!
07:55We tell.
07:56Huh?
07:57What else do you want?
07:58Uh, uh, a better dressing room.
08:00Great!
08:00And a car.
08:01What else?
08:02Uh, and a big crystal red...
08:04Oh, you know what?
08:05Well, just ask for the money.
08:06Okay.
08:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:08You are gonna get what you deserve.
08:09All right, everybody.
08:11Let's set up for Joey's death scene.
08:14Call me crazy, Bobby, but I'm starting to get nervous.
08:20God, what have I done?
08:23Hey, man.
08:24You ain't got nothing to worry about.
08:26You way better than this show.
08:29Yeah?
08:30Trust me, Joey.
08:33Do I know you?
08:34Nah, man.
08:35I'm just here today for the head gig.
08:37I beat out ten other guys for this part.
08:40I'm the only one who can fit through the neck hole.
08:44Hey.
08:45Hey.
08:46Get me a line.
08:48What?
08:49What are you gonna say?
08:50Your head's cut off.
08:52I don't know.
08:53I can't feel my legs or something.
08:56Come on, Joey.
08:57You got a lot of pool around here.
08:58Oh, do I?
08:59You see this?
09:00Does this look like a hat that says Big Star?
09:03Nice.
09:04Quiet.
09:05All right, let's take this from the top.
09:07And action.
09:09Well, it looks like I got one more chairlift ride left.
09:13To heaven.
09:14I can't feel my legs.
09:16Cut.
09:17Ask them if they gonna use that.
09:19Bobby?
09:29Thank God you're here.
09:30I am freaking out about losing this job.
09:32You gotta talk me down.
09:33Oh, I ruined your life!
09:37No, don't say that.
09:38You've committed career suicide, and it's all my fault.
09:42Why did I demand that on-site Scientology tent?
09:46Come on, what's my next move?
09:49There is no next move.
09:51No next move?
09:52No.
09:53You're greedy, and you're high-maintenance.
09:56You're a problem now.
09:58Oh, God.
10:00Oh, I feel so empty and confused.
10:05Do you think I'm pretty?
10:09No, I don't know.
10:10You gotta get me back out there, okay?
10:12You gotta get me another gig, all right?
10:14America loves me!
10:15There's nothing I can do.
10:19I tried calling in all the favors I could
10:21with every single man that I slept with in town.
10:24Except one.
10:26But you know what?
10:28He owes me.
10:32Hey, Gina, I need you to connect me with someone.
10:36Uh-oh.
10:37It's ringing, and I didn't tell her who I was calling.
10:39This will be interesting.
10:45Hey, hey.
10:46Saying goodbye to your dressing room, huh?
10:48I just said goodbye to that little taped-off area
10:50they made me stay in.
10:53But listen, head guy, now's not a good time, okay?
10:55Look, Joey!
10:56I did it.
10:58I got you an audition for the new Kevin Smith film.
11:01Wow!
11:01Clerks is like the best independent movie of all time!
11:04Well, that and Con Air.
11:06Well, if this doesn't work, you're screwed.
11:08All right, you're gonna read for the producers tomorrow.
11:10All right, nail the audition.
11:12You need to get this part.
11:13Okay, I get it, Bob.
11:14Thank you, thank you.
11:16Excuse me, Bobby Morgenstern?
11:17I'm currently looking for representation.
11:19Oh, that's fantastic.
11:20Tell me all about yourself.
11:22I'm dying to get a new client.
11:27Hey, man, you don't want to waste your time
11:28reading for some producers.
11:29I can get you a meeting with Kevin Smith.
11:31Look, I know I'm not a big-time celebrity like you,
11:33but I've been at this a long time,
11:34and I made a lot of connections,
11:35so if you want, I can hook up the meeting.
11:38You know what?
11:39I think I'm just gonna audition, but thanks, man.
11:41Oh, all right, cool.
11:42Yeah, thanks.
11:42Cool, cool.
11:43I'll tell you what.
11:43Uh, why don't you, uh, give me a call
11:45if you change your mind?
11:47Zach.
11:48That's it?
11:49Just Zach?
11:50Yeah, I'm between last names.
11:52Used to be Miller, but there's an actor, Zach Miller,
11:54who's done a lot of crap,
11:55so I'm trying to distance myself.
11:56Oh, yeah.
11:58It's gonna be tough, because it was me.
12:05Hi.
12:07My name is Jenna.
12:08I just moved into the building the other day.
12:10I've been dying to meet you.
12:11Uh, why?
12:15Well, I heard there's a big actor named Joey
12:17who lives in that apartment.
12:18That's you, isn't it?
12:19Well, actually, uh...
12:20I just moved here from Kansas to pursue the dream.
12:23I don't know anyone or anything,
12:25and I know people must ask you for help all the time, but...
12:29I'm Joey Tribbiani.
12:30Gina, I want you to take a memo to my other agents.
12:36Are you ready?
12:37Uh-huh.
12:37Okay.
12:38Dear staffers, it has come to my attention
12:40that while providing dedicated service to our current clients,
12:46we have been negligent in the quest for new talent,
12:49which is a crucial to our company's continued vitality.
12:53All right, that's it.
12:54Read it back to me.
12:54Uh-huh.
12:55Uh, uh, uh, uh...
12:56Dear staffers, it has come to my attention
13:00that I have something to say.
13:02Love, Bobby, the end.
13:04Well, perfect.
13:05Send it off.
13:13Delivery from Bobby Morgan's turns out.
13:15Oh, yeah.
13:16Here it is.
13:17This is the script that's going to save my career,
13:19and I have you to thank for it.
13:21You remember that when you take your girl to see
13:23private property or Universal Studios, all right?
13:26Thanks, man.
13:29Oh, yeah.
13:31Oh, got to do my warm-up.
13:36Acting exercises, acting exercises.
13:40This is an acting exercise.
13:48Yeah, suck on that, Juilliard.
13:52Hey.
13:53Hey, you ready for a date?
13:55Oh.
13:57Oh, no, you forgot.
13:58Oh, it's okay.
13:59No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Alex.
14:01This is really important,
14:02and actually, I got it all planned out,
14:03so, uh, just give me a few minutes
14:05and then meet me upstairs, okay?
14:06All right.
14:06I'll just be down here doing my acting exercises.
14:09So, this is our big date?
14:19We're not going out?
14:21Why would we?
14:22We have everything we need right here.
14:24Music, atmosphere, a lovely view.
14:29Okay.
14:30I love champagne technically in order for it to be called champagne it has to come
14:36from the champagne region of France this is beer you look beautiful tonight thank
14:51you let's get naked this was a bad idea I can't believe you you think that's all
15:03it's gonna take to get me into bed don't answer that okay look just wooing after
15:10the fact is a little new for me but I'll figure it out can we can we try again
15:13tomorrow please okay but you've really got to step it up
15:19beer you look beautiful let's get naked we've got to get rid of this body it's
15:30too stiff I gotta make it my own this body we got to get up and go get it gotten
15:35rid of there it is that's how people talk hey Michael how was a school at Cal Tech
15:46today you go to Cal Tech I got in hi I'm Jenna hi Jenna this is my uncle Michael Michael is a
15:56student Jenna would you excuse us for a second I just have to talk to my uncle sure
15:59what the hell's going okay this girl's an actress and she's into me she's really into me because she
16:08thinks I'm you which means you just got to be me or I could be me and then everybody wins
16:12just help me out here all right fine let's make this quick snap
16:18uh Joey you know you have that love scene you've been working on well since Jenna's an actress maybe
16:26the two of you should go over to her apartment and run the lines oh what a great opportunity I'll go
16:31over and change into something sexy why don't you come over and save five minutes Joey oh okay
16:36wow yeah I'm pretty good at getting Joey laid wait I don't know what to do with this girl now I mean
16:50I know I break the ice with some magic tricks but then after that I mean do I what do I do do I do I
16:55kiss her or do I say magic tricks we're Joey we don't do magic look I can't talk to you about
17:03this I mean I just I'm feeling a lot of pressure and you you wouldn't understand I don't understand
17:07pressure I got a huge audition tomorrow that I need to get so badly Michael that I can't even
17:13make the simplest decision I can't even decide whether I should sit or stand I mean if I sit
17:18then they can focus on what I'm doing with my eyes you know but if I stand well then it frees me up
17:24to explore the space with my body you know what I mean you should sit yeah so but you know what
17:34I'm talking about you feel the pressure and then you start overthinking things yeah yeah and then the
17:39little voice in your head chimes in and it's like what are you thinking you can't do this you're
17:42gonna fail and then self-doubt just takes over and it just starts gnawing at you and it just reduces
17:47you to a blithering idiot no I don't get that acting comes from the gut you know if I had a
17:56little voice in my head I'd be done I'd have to get up and go get gotten out of this business what's that
18:04it's called good writing jackass
18:11Joe Tribbiani yeah right here come in
18:13hey everybody thanks so much for having me and I'm really excited about this who are you kidding you can't get this
18:26part you're gonna fail excuse me we didn't say anything oh that's what I was afraid of it's the
18:33little voice Michael's having my sex and I have his brain oh man what went on in there you have got
18:42to chill out man this body we got to get up and go get it gotten rid of nobody talks like that you
18:51moron plus I'm totally wrong for this those actors outside had beards oh quick go beard what is going
19:01on I don't even know what I'm saying where am I in the scene no forget about Atlantic City we need to
19:08get to the boat and find those diamonds that's not a line in the script stop making stuff up if we don't
19:16find a way to lose these guys we're both dead okay I'm in trouble I got to finish strong with a bold
19:21choice they'll remember what are my options yell they cry oh wait I got it I'll slit your throat with
19:29this bottle pitch next told you you were gonna blow it oh shut up
19:46allcious
20:10what a sound it's outside
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