- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00it's late what is the tenant emergency I swear it's important it is so warm in LA that I am
00:12not feeling the Christmas spirit okay my beeper is for emergencies okay it is not for talking
00:20about the holidays or for when you're in the hot tub and can't reach a towel or for when
00:25you're out of jelly but you brought the jelly right yes okay now I just have a few simple ideas on how
00:34to make the apartment more festive you don't have to do anything I just need your approval okay can
00:40I dress your cat like a reindeer no I'm sorry may I dress your cat no okay all right when do you freeze
00:51the hot tub for skating never that's impossible impossible or impossible why don't you let me
01:01look at your list and I'll tell you what you can do no no I don't even know what a live snowman is
01:08that is offensive to non-christians and that is offensive to everyone oh come on you got to give
01:15me something well you can do this get a tree and some lights all right well that's a start look I
01:22know I know I'm all worked up about it but it's my first holiday season in LA and it just it doesn't
01:27feel right okay so we all have to work that much harder to make it special it's like I said when I
01:32was in a Christmas Carol figgy pudding figgy pudding for sale I had a really small part
01:42you want to be all right you got what you want to be all right you want to be all right you got
02:08watch on hi I'm Joey Tribbiani I have a meeting with the executive producer I'm Tracy Lauren's
02:25assistant oh who's Lauren executive producer oh right sorry I'm a little nervous it's nice to meet
02:33you Lauren why don't you just go in hey wow you're the executive producer good thing I didn't see
02:49you outside I probably would have hit on you you did before one of your additions you asked me to go
02:55back to your place and split a candy bar you were smart to say no there was no candy we haven't been
03:04formally introduced I'm Lauren Beck and I'm thrilled to be working with you oh yeah yeah oh I'm sorry
03:10what's the deal with the tissue oh I'm a little compulsive especially when I get nervous oh wait
03:14that's totally normal I'm compulsive too like I wash my hands almost every day it used to be much worse
03:22when I came in the office I'd have to open and close the drawers a hundred times and then I'd
03:25constantly rush home to check if the oven was off oh hey that's actually a good idea I have an aunt she
03:29left her oven on burned her house down she lost everything Tracy I'm gonna need you to go back to
03:34my house and check the oven again you know if you left it on it's probably already too late what are you
03:41doing listen the reason I called you in is we're having a press junket and I'm gonna need you to be
03:48front and center as our sexiest cast member oh I bet you say that to all the cast members
03:53yes I do anyway they're gonna ask you some questions just be polite and charming you know
03:59you might want to think of some funny material oh how about this what is the deal with the kiwi
04:04huh is it fruit is it a vegetable it's a fruit oh anyway you do great and we just got the first
04:13script and it's amazing there's some twists in here that will blow your mind oh really can I take
04:17it uh just keep it between us because you're the first one to see it is that because I'm the sexiest
04:22cast member no it's because you got your germs on it and I don't want it back
04:25god I'm so hot
04:36then take off the hat and the parka no this is what I've worn every time I picked out a good tree
04:44when people see you guys dressed like that you know what they think they think these people have
04:48no Christmas spirit you know what they think when they see me that guy from days of our lives is homeless
04:52I'm sorry but I am trying to get into the holiday spirit okay is this how you normally buy a tree
05:01in summer clothes actually we haven't gotten a tree since Michael was little what why not
05:06well Christmas is only fun when you have kids and they believe in that Christmas magic thing he figured
05:11out the deal with Santa when he was three yeah it's just basic math it would be impossible for Santa to
05:15visit all the children of the world in one night even if you assume a generous 50 naughty rate
05:20well those of us who love Christmas are not going to let you and math and your friend the son
05:27ruin our holiday are we people
05:29Joey why are you shouting am I shouting I think I'm having a stroke
05:34can we please just choose a tree and get out of here fine
05:37greetings woodsman so what are we looking at here Douglas fir or spruce
05:43I don't know I'm just stuck with the supermarket oh do you carry a fortified wine called the fist
05:49Gina focus okay let's take a look at these things no no no this one's trying too hard
05:59oh pick one what's the difference it's just gonna die
06:02oh well you could say the same thing about Michael here but you don't love him any less
06:07huh look this tree has got to be perfect it's my favorite thing about Christmas except for Rudolph
06:14okay all right let's just assume for a second that a nose can glow right in order to produce
06:18enough light to actually guide a sleigh shut up you are ruining Christmas for all these little kids
06:25what kids you talking about the trees I could gotta find some shade
06:32hey sorry I'm late the press conference hasn't started yet has it I had to buy a Christmas tree
06:45is there more to this excuse no wow so let me introduce you to the cast this of course is Katie
06:53your daughter hey sexy we still need to get that drink you won't be sitting next to one another
06:58this is Bodie he plays a ski instructor what's up and Joey Tribbiani oh man I love you oh you know
07:06me from days of our lives no I just think you're awesome uh this is Gunner we don't know what role
07:13he's playing but he's hot guilty Lauren I want to start okay let's go uh Lauren Lauren uh quick thing
07:22listen look these kids are all newbies and I'm an old pro so should we come up with a signal in case
07:29you think I'm being too charismatic and blowing someone else off the stage good idea how's this
07:33for a signal nice all right ladies and gentlemen my name is Lauren Beck and I'm executive producer
07:45of deep powder yeah it's my pleasure to present the cast so let's open the floor to questions
07:52this question's for Bodie Blair if you could say one thing to your public what would it be
07:58sup public thank you hi this is for Katie Harper Katie what are your hobbies I'm into erotic art I have a
08:11couple of follow-up questions related to that ah I can wait till later Mr. Tribbiani you got your
08:17start in theater I have a question related to that ah hit me dramaturgically speaking deep powder is
08:23clearly a rehashing of the Lear paradigm combined with elements of Aristophanes and of course goes
08:28without saying Sheridan will this source material inform your portrayal of the Patriarch what the
08:40classics do permeate all modern media I mean surely this will call your realization of the character
08:45magazine is this lady from is there anything you can tell us about the show well yeah yeah I can do
08:55that yeah I just read the first episode and there are some plot twists in there that will blow your
09:00mind like in the first episode this guy dies I die I just bought a Ferrari Joey that was supposed to
09:10be a surprise okay I'm gonna have to collect all your little notebooks thanks for this Joey look I am so
09:25sorry I screwed up the plot twist I panicked didn't they ever have press junkets on days of our lives yeah
09:30but the producer always forgot to tell me about him that's good producer I'm just really disappointed
09:38Joey I was really counting on you you're our most experienced actor and you're the Patriarch hey hey
09:43we're all Americans here I want you to understand that what you did affects a lot of people we're
09:51gonna have to throw out the script now and I'm gonna be up all night with the writers trying to come up
09:54with a new plot twist so you're not gonna kill Bodie no which is a shame because his transition from
09:59professional skateboarding to acting hasn't been as smooth as I'd hoped well I'm so sorry I screwed up
10:05but hey on the bright side I helped you forget about your oven Tracy I'll tell her on the way out
10:10hey guys check it out I got the perfect tree it smells like Christmas when we were kids and the
10:22girls selling it had crazy low jeans on and I found a store down by the airport that carries the
10:28fist so are you feeling better about the press conference thing my boss was pretty mad at me
10:34but I'm trying not to let it get me down you know I mean it is the holiday season and as I said in the
10:39Christmas Carol why a sixpence governor thank you kindly oh hey Joey looks like I sent you a new
10:49script oh great all right I'll start studying my lines now since I screwed up I really need to
10:55impress my boss so now that they can't kill Bodie what's the new twist oh well Lauren wouldn't tell
11:00me but if she's as talented as she is crazy it's gonna be good oh cool I'm in the last scene oh good
11:08for you what are you doing uh oh I'm up on a cliff and I'm diffusing a bomb that sounds dangerous oh my
11:21god I'm the bomb twist I can't believe they're gonna kill me are you sure does the bomb actually
11:29go off uh well I don't know let's see the end is the last page will not be distributed due to Joey
11:36Tribbiani based security reasons oh this is so bad no no no calm down people want to fire me all the
11:50time and there's a real easy way to get out of it how by falsely accusing them of sexual harassment
11:55there's a little move I like to call the reverse how dare you I will see you in court actually the
12:08reverse paid for my space camp Gina I am NOT gonna do that oh why couldn't that reporter have asked me
12:16something I could answer I knew I should have talked about the Kiwi Joey maybe you're overreacting
12:23there's another character in this bomb scene with you this guy Charlie maybe they'll call him off maybe
12:27yeah all right okay I'm gonna go down to the set early and see if I can change Lauren's mind and
12:32I can't change your mind then I'll just I'll take it like a man and whoa what are you doing I could
12:37ask the same question of you sir hey Katie Joey I read the script I'm sorry maybe we can go back
12:56to my dressing room and I can cheer you up boy any other time that would be great but I'm really not
13:04in the right place for that now you understand don't you no I like you hey dead oh very funny gunner
13:20you know you don't even have a character yeah well at least my non-character is alive
13:24she'd never try to match wits with gunner uh hey Lauren okay yeah I just read the script and I just
13:38want to say please please don't kill me but you haven't read the last page you might not die
13:43really but you probably do look I know you're looking for a big plot twist it but there's this
13:50other guy Charlie in the scene with me maybe he could die that's an interesting idea why don't I
13:55introduce you to Charlie Joey this is Sawyer he's playing Charlie what I'm eight I'm homeschooled
14:06he's adorable you're not gonna kill him oh crap that's a swear word put a quarter in the jar
14:16oh yeah what a cutie let me make the case for killing the kid what yeah it's so crazy no one would see it
14:28coming I'm not a writer but what if this kid is like a Russian spy yeah and and I tie him to the bomb
14:36and I run and I'm all eat bomb commie huh I don't think so excuse me
14:42why so glumton hey Sawyer you want to play a game go over to the producer lady and tell her she left her
14:57Oh God I wish I was Oprah
15:07me too
15:11any word from Joey yet no not yet what's in the box well it seems like Joey's about to be fired so I
15:21thought we could surprise him by decorating the place for Christmas are these our old ornaments I
15:25haven't seen these in a long time that's because it's been a while since we've had a child to
15:30decorate for but now we do Joey when he comes home and sees this place all decorated just think I was
15:36a little face will light up it's your first ornament snow globe oh a bottle of tequila you tried putting
15:48together a tricycle without a man around this is fine but I mean if you're gonna do this you should go
15:57all out do something big like what well I know he'd like an all-monkey manger scene with the squirrel
16:02baby Jesus how do you know that it was one of the things on his list oh this is perfect we can find
16:10that exactly what he wants all right why does he want gypsies hmm gets them confused with elves always
16:16has yeah but there is some stuff on here we can do oh he wants carolers do we know anyone who could
16:23sing okay no carolers okay everybody we're ready to shoot the bomb scene uh listen Lauren I don't want
16:35to pull a star trip right now but this scene doesn't work for me creatively
16:39Joey please take your mark okay can I can I just can I take a second yeah yeah you know what
16:49everybody let's all gather around and take a second and give a round of applause to Joey
16:54Tribbiani it's been great working with him okay let's get started but I don't know what to do at
17:06the end you didn't let me read the last page oh it's pretty clear what happens at the end and then
17:11the special effects guys take over and then bring in the dinosaur that carries me to safety
17:15all right and rolling and cue the snow deep powder scene 58 take one and action come on
17:28captain powder you gotta run the bomb's gonna explode no I have to see this through you run
17:37Charlie your life's more important than mine well it looks like it's just you and me now powder
17:46mountain if I don't make it out of this alive it doesn't really matter because all that matters
17:52is that the mountain lives on now cut the wire
17:57and the bomb doesn't go off now react what it didn't go off oh my god I'm alive I can't believe
18:23it I did it this is great Joey keep going we can use it oh oh great the sky is bluer the snow is
18:31whiter Joey's back suck it bomb I am so relieved I really thought I was gonna die you gave a great
18:41performance wait a minute you were messing with me to get back at me from the press conference
18:47what me mess with my sexiest cast member yeah you wouldn't do that
18:54well welcome back to powder mountain thank you how about a hug how about just a wave
19:02hey guys guess what great news I didn't die oh yeah yeah yeah yeah let's go out and celebrate
19:20let's go in the apartment first no no it's boring in there let's go do something special maybe there's
19:25something special in the apartment oh no let's go out get in the damn apartment oh my god oh look at his
19:41little face you guys it looks fantastic in here I can't believe you did this we couldn't get you
19:50everything on your list but we we got you an inflatable snowman and dancing Santa Joey gypsies here
20:06have some eggnog oh spiked it with the fist oh I am finally feeling like it's Christmas you know this is
20:14really special I get to keep my job I'm surrounded by friends and family it's like I said in that
20:20holiday beer commercial that only aired in Germany that's a sign good Christmas beer
20:25so that's basically the plot for the next episode any questions uh yeah I've been meaning to ask you
20:37since you didn't kill Bodhi and you didn't kill me do you still need a plot twist oh I have a plot twist
20:43there was somebody actually who behaved even worse than you did hey sweet mama you wanted to see
20:51me yeah Gunnar are you ready to shoot this scene I was born ready baby hey Detto guess who finally
20:59got a character I'm a helicopter blade inspector and I get to play drunk Joey would you care to come
21:08watch this scene I think I'd like that Lauren
21:10you
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