- 6 weeks ago
Category
๐ฅ
Short filmTranscript
00:01This is Gaylord Duke.
00:03Can a Duke from another country be a hazard?
00:05If you have the right meaning, anything, say again,
00:07I'll have you held a guess, you're in the court of law.
00:08I don't believe I got the drift of all that.
00:10At least there's a whole lot prettier than you do.
00:13How much of that quarter of a million dollars do I get?
00:16Very little.
00:21Hey!
00:22Let's go!
00:23I'm going for all places!
00:24Take the favor, you folks!
00:30Just a good old boy
00:37Never meaning no harm
00:42Beats all you've never saw
00:44Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born
00:49Straightening the curves
00:52Flatening the hills
00:56Someday the mountain might get them, but the law never will
01:00Making their way
01:04The only way they know how
01:09That's just a little bit more than the law will allow
01:14Just a good old boy
01:17Wouldn't change if they could
01:22Fighting the system like a true modern-day Robin Hood
01:26Yee-haw!
01:30You know, neighbors, sometimes there's nothing more refreshing than watching children at play
01:38Cousin?
01:39I don't know what you did this time, but if the general runs like this at that smoky holla race on Sunday
01:45We're just gonna have a whole pot full of first prize money
01:47We just flew past Roscoe back there in them trees
01:52The guy just never learns
01:54Enos, this is Roscoe P. Coltrane
01:57I got them Duke boys this time, I really got them
01:59We're gonna come down on those turkeys like a load of dead chickens
02:03I love it, I love it
02:04Now, Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane would rather catch himself a Duke than to go to heaven when he dies
02:14Some folks tend to lose their perspective like that
02:18Let's let the general out, see what he can really do
02:22All right
02:24Bye Roscoe!
02:25Woohoo!
02:30I'm coming, I'm coming!
02:31Now!
02:32Now!
02:33I'm ready, Sheriff!
02:34I'm ready, Sheriff!
02:37Where's he?
02:38Halt!
02:40Halt!
02:42Watch out for that sports car!
02:47Halt!
02:49Halt!
02:52Halt!
02:54A stranger passing through could find himself in a hazard entanglement
03:01I've never seen me
03:03Looks like that city slicker wants a race
03:06Shoot, well we can't disappoint him now, can we?
03:08Hey, I'll take it easy on you
03:09All right
03:19Well, I hope we don't run into him at that race on Sunday
03:33You can hardly run into something you can't catch up to
03:36I hope you like Sass for S.T.
03:43It's not your British kind, but, well, it's about as close as we can get to class around here
03:54What do you suppose that thing is doing here?
03:55Oh!
03:58Uncle Jesse?
03:59Who owns that green sports car out here?
04:01Hey, boys, boys, come on in
04:02I got somebody special I want you to meet
04:05Well, I'm afraid we already had the pleasure to meet Mr. Gordon
04:08Your first name's Flash now, ain't it?
04:10Yes, of course
04:11I'm sorry I left you both so abruptly back there
04:13So are we
04:14Maybe you just gotta take care not to do that in front of too many people
04:16Because we got kind of a reputation to uphold around here
04:19I don't know what you boys is jabbering about
04:21This ain't Mr. Gordon
04:23No, sir, this is your third cousin from London, England
04:29This is Gaylord Duke
04:31Pleased to meet you
04:32Great pleasure
04:33Set yourself down here
04:34He's related to us on Grandpa Henshaw's side
04:37Meaning he ain't blood can
04:38That's right, Daisy
04:40And he's a real Duke
04:41Well, heck, ain't we all Dukes?
04:42Oh, I mean like a Duke Duke
04:44No, I think what Daisy means is that I've just recently come into my title
04:48Well, congratulations
04:49Oh, thank you
04:50Now, what's a Duke Duke doing in Hazard County?
04:53Well, as you probably know, my grandfather passed away recently and he left me this in his will
04:59As you'll see, it's the original land grant for some property here in Hazard County
05:04What do you think, Luke?
05:05Well, the legal description fits the old Henshaw place, all right
05:08I was afraid of that
05:09Well, that means that cousin Gaylord here has inherited himself a mess of trouble
05:15He's got any problems?
05:16I sure ain't seen him yet
05:18What I'm talking about is that old Henshaw place has been owing back taxes for, well, for years now
05:26It could have built up to, well, $30,000
05:30Oh, good grief
05:31I mean, what's that gonna mean in terms of pounds?
05:33Well, what it means is, if you got that kind of money, I'd be more than happy to weigh it for you
05:37I'm afraid I don't
05:39And, uh, we Dukes never carry cash
05:41Ain't that the truth
05:42But I'm sure I could raise it, given time
05:44Well, that's gonna be your second problem, cause, uh, this is the time of year that banks foreclose on land owing back taxes
05:50I saw that notice in the post office window
05:52So, exactly how long do I have?
05:55Noon Monday
05:56Don't you worry
05:57We'll get the money
05:58You'll see
06:00Well
06:02Think of something
06:04But, boss, how was I supposed to know that that Duke that was drag racing with those other Dukes was just another Duke?
06:10No, no, no, no
06:12Not just another Duke
06:14No, he's Duke Gaylord Duke
06:17An Englishman
06:18Foreigner?
06:19Yeah, from England
06:20That's a foreigner
06:21Well, says so, right there in that letter to the county recorder
06:25Yeah, and also says he's come to lay clean to a certain piece of property that was willed to him
06:31You must remember, somewhere deep down in that empty head of yours
06:35That I've already worked out a secret little deal with the Dixie King supermarket people
06:41For them to buy their certain piece of property from me
06:44For a quarter of a million dollars
06:46Yeah, shoot, shoot
06:47Mm-hmm, quarter of a million dollars
06:50Now I hope you understand why I want that Duke Gaylord Duke arrested along with our own common folk
06:55Here's the county Duke, boss
06:57Oh, I can do it
06:58Well, I don't care how you do it
06:59Just as long as you put all of them away till Monday at high noon
07:03When them back taxis gotta be peed
07:05Well, see, I can do it, boss
07:06See, there is an ordinance
07:09One-two-three-point-seven
07:11That definitely states that you cannot drag race in the county of Hazard
07:14Do you see it right there?
07:15Huh?
07:16Take that book away before I throw up
07:17Ooh
07:18I'm sorry about that
07:19I got him, I got him
07:20Yeah, well, you ain't got him till you get him
07:22So go get him
07:23I sure can't do no more today
07:26I didn't turn the damn thing off anyhow
07:28He's probably out of the street
07:29Get out there
07:30Go!
07:31Don't worry about it
07:32Don't worry about it
07:33Don't worry about it
07:34Let's go
07:35Let's go
07:36Gailard, what happens when a girl marries a duke?
07:44Why, much the same I suspect as happens here in Hazard
07:48She settles down and has dozens of dukes
07:50I don't mean that
07:51No, I mean her marrying a duke and all, what happens?
07:54Well, that would make her a duchess
07:56But, uh, why do you ask?
07:59I don't... I was wondering, I... I don't know
08:03That, uh, cousin Gailard's kind of a nice boy, ain't he?
08:07Yes, sir
08:08You know, I've been thinking on it
08:10I can't think of nobody around here that's got $30,000 except...
08:15Well, you know who
08:16Well, that's cause there ain't nobody around here that's got...
08:21Seems to me you told us once about somebody over in Claiborne
08:24I did who?
08:26Ira Murchison
08:27Ain't he the one you said had more money stashed away in tin cans on his place than J.D. Hogg has in a bank of hazard?
08:33That's right, for sure
08:35Now, why didn't I think of old Ira?
08:37You know, he's owed me for 20 years for pulling him out of that sold-up river
08:41And you remember how you told us he said if you ever needed anything at all, just ask him for it?
08:45He did it that
08:46Well, let's ask him for it, why?
08:47Come on
08:48Daisy
08:49Gailard
08:50Hey
08:51I think we got a handle on the situation
08:54Now, here's where we start getting into the nitty-gritty of this here story
08:59But I figure we're gonna land in a heap of trouble, don't you?
09:06Now, Cousin Gailard, y'all stay close behind, I wouldn't want you to get lost
09:10You know, if we did get lost, I sure wouldn't mind
09:13You know, I got a feeling that there's more going on here than meets the eye
09:21Besides, I kind of tend to get nervous when somebody's around that might take advantage of our Daisy
09:26Boo-hoo!
09:33Buh-oh!
09:39Buh-oh!
09:51Buh-oh!
09:52Uh-oh.
10:22You sure are cool and easy under pressure, Cousin Gaylord.
10:33I just love it.
10:36There's Enus. Let's lose him. Password to Cousin Gaylord.
10:38You sure are cool and easy under pressure, Cousin Gaylord.
10:40You sure are cool and easy under pressure, Cousin Gaylord.
10:42Woo-hoo!
10:49Hammer Murchison, here we come.
10:56I reckon poor old Ira can't help us much where he's going now.
10:59That's for sure. It seems. I just heard that he'd married himself a young filly. Yes, maybe the honeymoon was just too much for him
11:06I'm sorry cousin Gaylord looks like you're $30,000 is six feet under looks like we
11:12Made this trip for nothing. Yeah, maybe you did
11:18All right, Luke Duke and Bo Duke and Duke
11:23Duke or whatever you're all under arrest ain't that typical
11:27The Duke start out to help somebody and they get their own tails in a crack
11:37They all know that Roscoe ain't never been long on explanations
11:40You have the right for me and if you have the right mean anything say again
11:44I'll be held against you in the court of law. You have the right to be a casting attorney after thing. It's said
11:48That's it constable. I don't believe I got the drift of all that. Well, isn't that too bad?
11:53You don't have to get the drift of it
11:55You'll have plenty of time to get the drift of it when you spend the next ten days in the slammer ten days just for fun
12:01All right, Jesse eight days, but that's my final offer six four down
12:06Constable I believe that here as in England we are entitled to a trial. He's got you there Roscoe
12:13He ain't got me there. I got him there
12:16Good do you see the circuit judge. He's gonna be away for two weeks. That means I'm gonna keep you all in jail till he does get back
12:24Oh, it says so right here in this alternate penal code alternate penal code
12:30Yeah, right there the alternate penal code and Roscoe's little book means any nasty county job that Roscoe's been putting off
12:38See what I mean
12:40Y'all doing pretty good job
12:42Oh
12:49Miss Gaylord sir, this sign you're painting up believe it should read stay right not left not in England there boy not in England
12:59Not name
13:02I understand that
13:04Good work Roscoe by this time tomorrow
13:09I'll have taken possession of that old Henshaw prophet is right out from under that English too
13:13Oh, I love it. I love it
13:14And everything will be coming up roses
13:17Roses?
13:19Boss, you gonna plant roses?
13:21I thought you were gonna sell that land to that supermarket chain
13:24I am
13:25Pony roses is a well, it's just it's a way of saying getting a quarter of a million dollars
13:33Oh
13:34Quarter of a million
13:35Quarter of a million dollars
13:36Boss, can I ask you something?
13:38How much of that quarter of a million dollars do I get?
13:41Very little
13:42As your brother-in-law, Roscoe, I have a heartfelt interest in your affairs
13:47And I'd never forgive myself if the government put you in a higher income tax bracket
14:01Nobody thinks he's got a heart
14:05Look, I hope y'all know this wasn't my idea
14:08That's all right, Enos
14:09You can tell me one thing though
14:11After all these years of me and Bo racing around this county
14:15How come Roscoe picked this particular time to run us in?
14:19I can't rightly say, Luke
14:20But I did hear him say that Mr. Hogg wants you three out of business till afternoon on Monday
14:26He didn't say why
14:27Not to me, he didn't
14:29Thanks, Enos
14:44Hey, Enos!
14:45Hey, we're all done
14:45Yeah, we're all done
14:47You got any more you need us to do?
14:48Y'all doing a good job?
14:50Yes, sir
14:50Oh, my goodness
14:52Listen, fellas
14:54Them signs are funny
14:55But I don't think the sheriff's got my sense of humor now
14:58Oh, Enos!
15:00Hi!
15:05Dang, dang, Daisy
15:06It's good to see you
15:07But my orders say no visitors, huh?
15:09Well, I figured they must be getting awful hungry
15:12Working as hard as they are
15:13And I knowed you wouldn't mind if I brought them some of my fried chicken
15:16Well, I guess it'd be all right, Daisy
15:18It sure beats that cream chip beef stuff we've been serving over at the jailhouse
15:22Well, I bet you're hungry, too, ain't you, Sugar?
15:25I sure am partial to your fried chicken, Daisy
15:27Oh, which part are you most partial to?
15:31My legs, my thighs, or my...
15:33Neck! Neck!
15:34That's my favorite, that's my favorite part, Daisy
15:36Your neck
15:37I love your neck, Daisy
15:39I mean, chicken neck
15:40I love fried chicken
15:42Sugar, you'd be getting a lot more chicken
15:44That's what you do
15:46Oh, my gun bush, Daisy
15:49I believe the crudges are stealing my car
15:51Hey, you ain't losing prisoners, you gain the bucket of chicken
16:02Oh, oh, oh, oh
16:04Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
16:15Wow, wow, wow, wow
16:17Woohoo!
16:18Woohoo!
16:20Woohoo!
16:24Woohoo!
16:25L.B., is Jesse going to meet us at the old Shawnee Engine Cave?
16:37Yep.
16:37Oh, hey, hey, Cousin Gaylord, I want you to meet L.B. Davenport.
16:40He's a real good friend of ours.
16:42And the accessory to our escape is also a friend of mine.
16:44Pleasure, Mr. Davenport.
16:45Mr. Davenport.
16:46Oh, hey, Cousin Duke.
16:48You sure talk nice.
16:50Funny, but nice.
16:52Cousin Gaylord's an Englishman.
16:53Well, we can't all be perfect.
16:58Now, Uncle Jesse's salvation from his terrible temper has always been his open mind.
17:03Which just saved Bo and Luke from getting canned for running away from the law.
17:07Now, let me get this straight.
17:08Enos just told you boys flat out that Boss Hogg wanted him to take you out of commission.
17:13Till noon Monday.
17:14Sound familiar?
17:15Sir.
17:16Well, that's the same time that the taxes are due on Gaylord property.
17:20I can't see what difference it would make to Boss since he don't own that land.
17:23And our Cousin Gaylord here does.
17:25Well, since when does ownership make any difference to Boss?
17:28This Boss chap sounds to me like a thoroughly reprehensible character.
17:32Oh, no.
17:32No way.
17:33That man's just plain bad.
17:35I got a feeling old Boss has got somebody interested in that land.
17:39Yeah, but how are we going to find out?
17:41Well, we can go down to the land office and see if somebody's filed a title claim, title search.
17:46I'll go with you.
17:47Homer Hodgkiss works down there, and I've had him buffaloed since he was six years old.
17:52Now, y'all realize the land office is right next to the sheriff's office, and that means you're going to be walking into a hornet's nest.
17:58Well, that just means that I'm going to have to take old Roscoe out for a little quick shucking and jiving so y'all can get in there.
18:03Would someone care to explain to me shucking and jiving?
18:06Sure thing, Cousin Duke.
18:08Them's just reprehensible words.
18:11L.B., you know, you remind me of my Uncle Philip.
18:14Marvelous sense of humor.
18:15Good old Uncle Philip.
18:16Yes.
18:17Did I forget to give you his regards?
18:19I'm sorry about that.
18:26You know, I sure can't figure out why I bought these here dumbbells when I already had two working for me.
18:34Uh, boss, is he...
18:36Never mind.
18:38As County Commissioner, I hereby relieve you both of all your duties.
18:42Turn in them bitches.
18:43Oh, boss, now listen.
18:45Why should I turn in my badge?
18:47It was Dipstick Enos' fault.
18:50He's the one to let them Duke boys escape for a bucket of chicken.
18:54He still even smells finger-lickin' good.
18:59Oh, oh, oh, oh.
19:00Sure's right, Mr. Hogg.
19:01I'm the one that ought to lose my badge, not him.
19:04You see?
19:04You see that?
19:05You see?
19:06Roscoe, all I can see is Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
19:10Tweedledum.
19:11Dum.
19:11You're Dum.
19:12Who might just cost me gettin' a quarter million dollars Monday.
19:18Boss, gimme one more chance.
19:19Just, just one more chance and I promise you I'll put them Duke boys behind bars before sunup.
19:24See, I can do it if I put my mind to it.
19:26Roscoe, when you speak of your mind, lower your voice to show respect for the dead.
19:30Don't come on.
19:46Well done, Ben.
19:51what the devil is that racket out there i don't know but if that sucker doesn't stop honking that
20:07horn out there i know one thing i'm gonna go out there and slap a twenty dollar fine on him
20:12make him put it in my hand for disturbing the peace well sucker you can just put that twenty
20:17dollars in my hand in two teams because that's your car out there making that racket get away from
20:22me boss how could it be my car i mean here i'm not honking at you
20:29oh that's bull duke come on let's kiss me roscoe remember you guaranteed me all three
20:34new power and and you'll get them if chicken never here won't get out of my way
20:47here they come luke just remember you and uncle jesse got exactly 10 minutes
21:10read you loud and clear bo that's a 10-4
21:22howdy homer hey homer uncle jesse did you know the law's looking for luke here homer we're looking
21:28for something important we're going to need your help all right now i don't know about that uh now
21:32homer do you remember when you was a little bitty boy no longer than that and you had the colic and
21:38the only one you'd let take care of you or feed you or any of that was old uncle jesse now uncle
21:44jesse i'm still grateful but circumventing the law just don't seem right don't seem right uh homer
21:52how many people you suppose know about that still your daddy's keeping in that silo over there on your
21:57place uh we best go in the back where nobody will see us we best
22:08general if we hit that bunk going this fast we're going to be airborne
22:22let's see him try that
22:23my father's what in heaven hello be their name
22:38they did try that who's teaching them that stuff
22:53they never has been a recorded deed on this property yeah our cousin gaylor has got the
23:14original land grant to the place well reckon you know then about the back taxes due on it county
23:18takes over if they ain't paid by monday noon then it goes up for public auction well we know that
23:25you know it'd be my job if boss was to find out i told you to this
23:28why is that homer well there's a supermarket chain the dixie king been real interested in this property
23:33for a long time so boss hogg told the sheriff not to post no notice about the public auction
23:38so boss would be the only one to bid on it yeah also meaning he'll be able to pick it up for
23:43practically nothing uh oh now that's trouble looking for a place to happen well thanks a lot homer
23:52oh incidentally you know i never was sure whether you and your daddy kept a
23:57steel over in that silo or not
24:06start talking about that stillness well i ought to be here in a second now all right
24:13hey take the truck and we'll we'll pick up either later you boys mind yourself do you hear all right
24:27oh wait hold on the best laid plans of mice and men never figured on a hazard head on
24:39this one's gonna get tricky
24:47i told you it's gonna get tricky
24:57what it all boils down to is that if that auction ain't posted jd hogg's gonna be the only one
25:12bidding on the property man's a rogue an absolute blackguard oh cousin gaylord i love the way you
25:19english talk english the way i see it old boss has already made a deal to sell that land to the dixie
25:25king's supermarkets well he don't even own it yet yeah we must prevent him from doing so too
25:30but how to borrow a word of yours we're gonna out blaggard the blackguard i don't think i'm following
25:34you luke well luke's line of thinking he needs to follow for anybody if this thing works we're gonna
25:40have the pleasure having boss hogg pay the back taxes for you boss hogg yeah but we're gonna need
25:46cousin gaylord's help you're gonna make boss hogg an offer he can't refuse you in i am your servant son
25:52all right i like your style you got gum fun you get that from your aunt katie
26:02how is aunt katie by the way aunt katie oh you mean aunt katherine oh she always preferred
26:08katherine you know oh she's fine so fine
26:09glad to hear that all right now here's the deal now getting boss hogg to pay off back taxes due on
26:19the duke land is like getting blood from a turnip uh milk from a bull or was it bull from a turnip
26:25now you got it all straight when i told you to tell boss luke i think you've sufficiently
26:39jumped it in there's one conversation i would just love to hear no reason why not he's got a cb
26:46receiver right on his desk now if you get a chance just flip it on okay okay okay well
26:49i'll do all right let's see you later another breeze uh uh madam madam i warned you i know i've got
26:57three cheers but i love every one of them come in mr hogg i presume yes my name's gaylord duke yeah oh the
27:11english duke the sheriff's gonna love having a fancy pants in jail just one moment mr hogg what
27:19you please yeah oh yeah i thought you might like to hear what i have to say about a proposed partnership
27:27partnership what what the devil partnership you talking about my dear fellow would it be possible
27:32to have this discussion in private huh oh yeah it may not go wait outside and if i call you come running
27:39now then what's this here partnership all about well it's uh appallingly simple really you want
27:48something i got and i want something you got you possess something i desire and i possess something you
27:53desire close enough well he says a whole lot prettier than you do well as you may know my grandfather
27:59left me in his will a little piece of property yeah yeah oh i know all about that now how do you propose
28:05to pay the back taxes on that property i don't i was rather hoping that you might take care of that
28:12little trifle for me me you expect me to pay your back taxes for which in return i am prepared to split
28:2150 50 with you the net proceeds of the sale of the land to the dixie king supermarket chain
28:26huh how'd you know about that intuition dear boy intuition if however you refuse i am prepared to
28:35force litigation which after a lengthy trial and several appeals is bound to hold up the title on
28:41that land for many years by which time i dare say mr hogg you will have lost all opportunity to sell
28:47the land at its presently valued estate am i correct that's blackmail that's blackmail well how'd you know
28:53he's gonna say that intuition dear boy intuition but though my name is hawk i ain't no pig i mean a
29:01definite 125 000 is sure better than a maybe quarter of a million oh i'm right all right now then
29:09you got that deed with you shrewd and cautious i like that in a man yes of course
29:16yeah unsigned as yet by me of course until our agreement is consummated can you do that to deals
29:26too all right yeah partner you got yourself a deal
29:31old boss sure took the bait didn't he yes thanks to the inspired words provided by cousin luke yeah
29:48well gentlemen tomorrow morning mr boss hogg and i will deliver the tax money to the county seat
29:53that's providing we ain't in jail by then huh hello roscoe
29:58boss uh this is sheriff roscoe pete coltray listen i got them dukes on a one-way road headed for
30:04the river come back well you can just turn that car of yours around and let them be one of them
30:09dukes is now my partner listen i think something crawled in my cb and died i i thought i heard you
30:15said you made one of them dukes a partner come back yeah i did i mean the fancy pants foreign one
30:20so you just cease and desist for now do you hear that's a little ten-four
30:26jeepest priest on a corner he's making a duke a party i mean that's that's a mess
30:40hey
30:40cousin gaylord i figured you might favor a picnic with me why daisy i'd be on it uh daisy we got
30:50no time for a picnic now where's uncle jesse he's gone he's been gone for quite a spell lick well you
30:55say where he's going nope just went well i didn't like him well it ain't looks like we gotta wait
31:01meanwhile i guess cousin gaylord and i have time at least for a little walk at least
31:10hey cousin cousin you get the feeling daisy's coming down with a little something for cousin gaylord
31:16nope
31:19she's already got it
31:21know something i'm so glad you came into our lives cousin gaylord mine in particular
31:28i'm glad you said that daisy because i feel exactly the same way about you
31:31Where you been, Uncle Jesse?
31:41I've been worried about you.
31:42I've been to the telegraph office.
31:44You know, when Cousin Gaylord gave me Uncle Phillips' best regards,
31:47I got to thinking Uncle Phillips can't give nobody best regards.
31:50He's been dead for ten years.
31:52Well, Uncle Jesse, maybe he...
31:53No, maybe he's about it.
31:54And Aunt Katie, she doesn't prefer to be called Catherine.
31:58She prefers to be called Katrina.
32:00Are you saying what I think you're saying?
32:02That fella don't look like no Duke, and he doesn't act like no Duke.
32:06This here's a telegram that I got back in answer to the one that I sent your real cousin.
32:11You mean that that dude out there with Daisy in the woods is a phony?
32:14As a seven-dollar bill.
32:17I'm very, very attracted to you.
32:21Me to you?
32:22I don't say that to just anyone, Gaylord.
32:30Your real cousin, Gaylord, is a preacher man.
32:34He, uh, well, he kind of runs a halfway house for fellas just coming out of prison.
32:39And it seems about three weeks ago, his strong box came up missing, along with some papers and pictures.
32:44And the land grant.
32:46That's correct.
32:47And right at that same time, something else came up missing.
32:50A young con man that just got out of prison by the name of Roger Blevitt.
32:54Don't take too much to figure out who he is.
32:57You don't need lessons in shuck and jive, either.
32:59Here we sit, hiding out, running from Roscoe and Boss all because of him.
33:04Speak of the devil.
33:05I don't care.
33:09You're just so cute.
33:10Say anything you want.
33:13I, uh, just got this in answer to a telegram I sent to England.
33:20I don't suppose I have to tell you what's in it, do I, Roger?
33:25Oh, dear.
33:28So you know who I am?
33:30That's right.
33:31We know you're a fake.
33:32How did you find out?
33:33No, don't tell me.
33:35Uncle Philip and Aunt Catherine, I guess, badly on both counts, didn't I?
33:39Real badly.
33:41You know, you're kind of a likable fella.
33:46And you got the gumption of a duke.
33:49It's too bad you ain't got duke blood in your veins.
33:52If you did have, you know what's right and what's wrong and what's good and bad in this world.
33:57I'm so disgusted with you, I can't even be mad at you.
34:01I just feel sorry for you.
34:05I ain't never gone against anything Uncle Jesse's told me is being truth.
34:10But if you tell me what he's saying ain't true, I'll believe you.
34:16It all ain't true, is it?
34:20I'm afraid I'm not much of a one for lying to ladies, Daisy.
34:22It's true.
34:25Did you lie to me?
34:25Yes, I'm sorry.
34:33Oh, Uncle Jesse lied.
34:36He lied to all of us, Daisy.
34:41I told y'all that there's something wrong with that boy.
34:44Anybody that lied to Daisy is un-American.
34:47Well, there'll be no need for gags, I imagine.
34:59You can shout all you will, and I don't think anybody will hear you up here.
35:02You ain't heard the last of us yet.
35:04Just remember that.
35:05You picked the wrong family to double deal, and don't you think we're gonna set still for it?
35:09I could just wash my mouth out with soap for the things I said to you.
35:12I love the things you said, Daisy.
35:14And I am very sorry I hurt you.
35:17Cheerio, Daisy.
35:21Now, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I'm afraid I must be running.
35:24But you may rest assured that if you're not free of your ropes by mid-evening tonight,
35:29I'll send someone up to set you free.
35:30I did enjoy being a Duke of Hazard County while it lasted.
35:34I'm just very sorry that it should have ended this way.
35:37Goodbye.
35:37Twenty-three thousand, twenty-four thousand, twenty-five thousand, twenty-six thousand, twenty-seven thousand,
35:43twenty-eight thousand simoleons.
35:46What?
35:47U.S. legal tender dollar.
35:49Jesse was close.
35:50And now, it's your turn to make a contribution to the kitty, partner.
35:55Or should I say, your Duke ship, partner.
35:59Right.
36:00Oh, uh, your Duke ship, I believe you've already met our local sheriff and his deputy, ain't you?
36:09Roscoe P. Coltrane.
36:11Charmed, I'm sure.
36:13Oh, is your...
36:14I'm sure charmed, too.
36:15Enos, I'll tell you when to be charmed.
36:17Roscoe, pay attention here now, will you?
36:19Now, you and Enos are gonna escort me and my new partner here, his Duke ship,
36:23to the county seat at Collerville.
36:25Uh, be charmed.
36:26Plus, I want you to lead us all.
36:30You get a good head start, in case them Dukes show up on the way.
36:34I don't think there's any danger of that.
36:36The last I saw of them, they were rather tied up.
36:39Oh.
36:40All right.
36:42Enos, open the door.
36:43Don't he, Tom, Paz?
36:44Uh, Warner, he sounds real good.
36:47Come on.
36:48He made me feel like one day I was gonna be his Duchess.
36:52He sure treated me like one.
36:54Oh, honey.
36:55He showed me how to curtsy for meeting the Queen.
36:58Now, Daisy, quit ripping yourself up over a no-account like that.
37:04Ripping myself up?
37:05Uncle Jesse, it's that no-account that's gonna get himself ripped up when I catch him.
37:10That's my Daisy.
37:13Oh, yeah.
37:15Whew.
37:16We got a little over an hour left, so we're gonna have to work fast.
37:20Friends, I think the fat is fixing to fall in the fire.
37:27There.
37:28See, Boss and our friend are gonna be heading over to Coryville to the county seat any minute now.
37:33We gotta make sure they get there in time.
37:34Uh, time for what?
37:38Well, to pay the back taxes on that land.
37:41Just according to the original plan.
37:43This time, we're gonna work a switch.
37:45I think Milford can help us out.
37:47Milford?
37:47Milford?
37:49I thought I knew everybody in Hazard County.
37:51All right, pick up Milford and meet us at the top of Razorback Hill.
37:54Oh, we'll be there.
37:54Oh, we'll be there.
38:24So much for part one.
38:39Scratch Roscoe.
38:40You just, you just make me walk like a woman.
38:47I'm gonna do anything when I want her to.
38:54Friends and neighbors, meet Milford.
39:04He's a genuine Hazard home cat.
39:06Road work or no road work?
39:14Get that barrier out of the league.
39:15Yes, sir, Bob.
39:16Hey, hey, scum!
39:18Forget the women and children!
39:19I'm going for you!
39:21Get out of here, Cory!
39:22Let's move!
39:23Come on!
39:23Get back to the rear!
39:25Come on now!
39:26Hey!
39:26All right, Luke, I got the need.
39:45Come on, Milford, you've done your job.
39:47Did you see that?
39:54That skunk!
39:55It fell right out of the sky, right into my car.
39:57No offense, Mr. Hogg, but that polecat didn't like the way you smell any more than you like the way he does.
40:02He's probably gone by now.
40:03Well, I think we should be pressing on.
40:05Time is running out.
40:06Yeah, so it is.
40:07Look, you, go on.
40:08Get them barriers out of the road.
40:10Hey, just don't stand there!
40:12Go get in your car, will you?
40:13Yes, sir.
40:14Gotta go!
40:16They blasted Roscoe.
40:18He's supposed to be up ahead of us, protecting us from flying skunks and such like.
40:22Where is he?
40:26In his meadow muffins.
40:29Everything's all right in there.
40:31Hold the little bit of the car.
40:33All right, come on now.
40:35Hands are easy.
40:37On the corner of here.
40:40Well, it appears as if you made it just in time, Mr. Hogg.
40:54That's high news.
40:56That's right.
40:56Now I'll get this here money in safe.
40:59All right.
41:02Your Duke ship.
41:03You see that man standing out over in there?
41:06He's from the Dixie King supermarket, people.
41:09Be my guess, he's got ready cash right in that briefcase to take this piece of property right off our hands.
41:19Now, Mr. Hogg, if you'll give me that deed, we'll get it properly recorded.
41:24Be my pleasure, sir.
41:25Yes, sir.
41:33Is this your idea of a joke, sir?
41:36What do you mean?
41:37Well, that ain't no deed.
41:39It ain't.
41:39How'd this get in there?
41:47I wish I knew.
41:50Same dukes.
41:51I knew it.
41:52They were...
41:53Oh, Mr. Dixie King!
41:55Don't you go off like this.
41:57This is only temporary.
41:58We're going to get everything straightened out.
42:00You're not going to go off.
42:09Yo, Hogg!
42:10Please, it's a personal favor, Edith.
42:11Hold, hold, hold.
42:12Hey, Edith.
42:17Hey, y'all aren't arrest me on the stuff.
42:20Edith, Edith, all right, hush up, hush up.
42:22Nothing personal, you understand.
42:23Your dukeship, I told you that they don't make no ropes that'll hold no dukes for no length of time.
42:28So I see.
42:29Look, Jesse, I just paid the back taxes on that old Henshaw police.
42:33For some reason that you may know of, we couldn't come up with a deed.
42:38Now, I'm going to ask you to go in there and tell me it's all a big mistake and at least get me my money back.
42:43Well, you know how them tax people are, J.D.
42:47Once they get their hands on your money, you can't get it back with a gun.
42:51Well, then I'm going to see you all in court when I see you.
42:55I shouldn't be too hasty making that decision, Mr. Hogg.
42:57After all, there are certain illegal irregularities in our agreement.
43:01All of us here that are involved are undoubtedly going to be called into court to testify under oath.
43:07And one thing they're going to get you for, boss, is dealing with an imposter.
43:11You see, boss, he ain't our cousin.
43:13He ain't a duke.
43:14He ain't even a gentleman.
43:16Well, then who in the name of all this holy is he?
43:19Just, uh, some imposter.
43:22That was trying to pull an English shuck and jive on us.
43:25He had us fooled for a minute.
43:26Me, mostly.
43:29Yeah, let's see.
43:29Now, what else is there?
43:30There's withholding notice of public sale of county property.
43:34Then there's the usual fraud, misrepresentation.
43:37You tricked me, you tricked me.
43:39I thought you'd see it our way, J.D.
43:41You are going to drop the charges against these boys, ain't you?
43:44Oh, you dooks, dooks, dooks, dooks, dooks.
43:50May I say it's been absolutely charming.
43:55Let's get after him.
43:56Wait a minute, fellas.
43:57This one's mine.
44:07Now, this ain't over yet, folks.
44:09Not when a girl like Daisy's still got cotton to chop and a rooster to pluck.
44:13Well, let's go.
44:20This is going to be fun.
44:21Right.
44:23Just don't stand there, you mummy.
44:25They're not the law.
44:26You are.
44:26Yes, sir, Mr. Halt.
44:27Take me out of place with our eight-pound dukes.
44:33Hey, she's gaming on it.
44:57Sorry, Mr. Next time you meet a real lady, you better learn to manners.
45:13Woo-hoo!
45:25Give me those, Ninas.
45:27Nothing's worth doing unless you finish it yourself.
45:37Ain't it a shame?
45:38We're never going to know what we missed.
45:40Daisy, I know exactly what I've missed.
45:43As for Daisy, it'll take time for her to get over a man that she really set her heart on.
45:48Until the next time.
45:50And as for Roscoe...
45:54He's a buzzer.
45:55What are you doing up there?
45:56You ain't going to get me.
45:58Come down here, I'll slap one of these shots into your tail feathers.
46:03And old boss wasn't about to give up trying to run the dukes out of Hazard County.
46:07One thing about Hazard, folks, they don't quit.
46:10Y'all come back now.
46:11I'll see you in the meeting.
46:30Bye.
46:31Bye.
46:31Bye.
46:32I'll see you next time.
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