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00:00MUSIC
00:20Good evening, welcome to Would I Lie To You At Christmas,
00:23a very special festive edition that sorts the facts from the fibs.
00:28On Lee Mack's team tonight, all the way from the last leg, it's Alex Brooker.
00:36And a legendary star of stage and screen, it's the one and only Melvin Hayes.
00:46And on David Mitchell's team tonight, joining us from the BBC Breakfast Sofa,
00:51it's Naga Muncheti.
00:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:56And she's the writer and broadcaster who's chosen to spend even more time
01:00with David this Christmas.
01:02It's Victoria Corrin Mitchell.
01:08We begin with round one, Home Truths, where our panellists read out a statement
01:11from the card in front of them.
01:13To make things harder, if they've never seen the card before,
01:16they have no idea what they'll be faced with.
01:18It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
01:22Alex is first tonight.
01:24OK.
01:27One Christmas, I had to ask the bin men for some of their tip-back
01:31after I accidentally gave them an envelope containing 500 quid
01:35meant for my builder.
01:36LAUGHTER
01:37David's team.
01:38Oh, right.
01:39So, when was this?
01:41This was about six years ago.
01:43And you're evading VAT, that's what you're basically saying.
01:46LAUGHTER
01:48It's not illegal to pay cash.
01:49Yeah.
01:50It could be that he was paying, I don't know, £420 plus VAT.
01:53Were you paying £420 plus VAT?
01:55No, he just wanted cash in round 500 quid.
01:57LAUGHTER
01:58So, you prepared, like, the beginning of a thriller,
02:03a second envelope with a different amount in it for the bin men?
02:07Yeah, so if I don't see them, I just leave it out.
02:10On the bin?
02:11Yeah, like, just behind the bin, they know.
02:13So, when did you realise that something was wrong?
02:16Well, when I got in and went to pay the builder and it was £20.
02:20LAUGHTER
02:21What did you do?
02:22Just phone up, like, Huddersfield Council.
02:25And luckily, they were honest.
02:26Right.
02:27They were honest bin men.
02:28Question from Melvin Hayes.
02:29Yes.
02:30As an onlooker.
02:31Yeah.
02:32LAUGHTER
02:33I believe him.
02:35Yeah.
02:36LAUGHTER
02:37Thank you, Melvin.
02:39APPLAUSE
02:41So, you ring up the council.
02:45Yeah.
02:46It's quite difficult getting through to the council, I find, on the phone.
02:49There's usually a long phone menu.
02:51I've never listened all the way to the end, but maybe there's one,
02:53if you've accidentally given £480 in cash to the bin men at Christmas,
02:58press nine.
02:59Yeah.
03:00As far as I can remember, it was fairly straightforward.
03:04And what did you say?
03:05I just said, look, I live at this address.
03:08And the person said...
03:10What?
03:11You're being very, very confrontational tonight, David.
03:14Look at you.
03:15You sat forward.
03:16Is it because Victoria's here?
03:18LAUGHTER
03:19You're like a stag stood at the top of a mountain.
03:22LAUGHTER
03:23Look at him.
03:24Look at him.
03:25He's like this.
03:26I tell you about this.
03:28Showing off in front of your wife.
03:30LAUGHTER
03:31Do you tip the bin men and the recycling men separately?
03:35No, it's the same people.
03:37On the same day?
03:38No, it's week on, week off.
03:40One week they're coming and doing the recycling,
03:42and one week they're coming and doing the bin,
03:43so they're there every week.
03:44Well, they do the recycling every week,
03:46but they take the green every two weeks.
03:48Yeah.
03:49What about the brown ones?
03:50Well, they go every week.
03:51LAUGHTER
03:52No, no, my brown ones don't.
03:53My brown ones go every two weeks.
03:55Do they?
03:56Blue every two, green every two.
03:57What are you putting in your brown?
03:59Well, I'm putting my garden waste in my brown.
04:01What's in your green?
04:02My normal.
04:03Green recycling, brown food waste.
04:05Oh, no, no.
04:06Food waste is in a small green one that you have to have to...
04:09No.
04:10Small brown one.
04:11Small grey one.
04:12LAUGHTER
04:13Welcome to a brand-new BBC show, Scenes from the Care Home.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:18Right.
04:20APPLAUSE
04:22So, what do we reckon, then, Victoria?
04:24You see, I don't think anyone just leaves £20 on a bin
04:29in the hope that the right people will grab it in the morning.
04:32What do you offer your bin men at Christmas?
04:34LAUGHTER
04:35It depends what time of day they turn up, Rob.
04:38LAUGHTER
04:42I also cannot believe that anyone doesn't know the difference
04:47between £500 in an envelope and £20 in an envelope.
04:50OK.
04:51Unless you are so minted that you just don't care.
04:54LAUGHTER
04:55LAUGHTER
04:56So, you're going to say lie?
04:58We think lie.
04:59We think lie.
05:00Yeah.
05:01Lie.
05:02OK, Alex, they are unequivocal in thinking it's a lie.
05:04Was it a lie or was it actually true?
05:07Well, it was...
05:09..a lie.
05:10APPLAUSE
05:15Yes, it's a lie.
05:16Alex didn't ask the bin men for their tip back.
05:19Victoria, you're next.
05:22For our first Christmas together as husband and wife,
05:25David was startled by one of the gifts I got him.
05:29LAUGHTER
05:30Please, team.
05:31It wasn't making a noise inside the wrapping paper, was it?
05:34LAUGHTER
05:35What, a puppy?
05:38Well, I was thinking more of a rabbit.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:44So, I suppose the big question is what was the present?
05:47It was, you'll like this, Lee.
05:49It was some sexy underwear.
05:51Oh, why would I like that?
05:54I'm always telling Victoria how attractive you find me.
05:59Who was to wear the underwear?
06:01It was... I bought... For David to wear.
06:03Look at David's face!
06:06LAUGHTER
06:08So, for David, describe the underwear.
06:11This is very awkward.
06:13LAUGHTER
06:16Describe...
06:17I mean, genuinely, this is...
06:19This is the stuff of nightmare.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:23If it helps in any way, I'm absolutely loving it.
06:26LAUGHTER
06:27So, David was broadly at the school of...
06:30I mean, is this...
06:32LAUGHTER
06:35This...
06:36This...
06:37This is...
06:38This is dreadful.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:41When we've been single for a long time,
06:43they've got their...
06:44They've got their loose cotton boxes.
06:45They don't think,
06:46Oh, I tell you what,
06:47I'll have a pair of these snug-fitting trunks.
06:49Can we...
06:50Can we just...
06:51Is that what we're talking about?
06:52We're not talking about straps and things and...
06:54LAUGHTER
06:55We're not talking about...
06:56Restraining bolts and things like that.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:00Nothing like that.
07:01No!
07:02I'm just going to say,
07:03if at times in the future when I face adversity,
07:06I will look back and say,
07:07Well, at least I'm not going through this.
07:10LAUGHTER
07:11Can I just say something?
07:13Yes.
07:15This is so much better than dustbins.
07:18LAUGHTER
07:19So, it's Christmas morning.
07:28It's your first Christmas together as a married couple.
07:32You hand him this package.
07:34He opens it.
07:35Talk us through the moment of realisation.
07:37He sort of went,
07:38Oh, it's underpants.
07:40And then he realised they were a bit clingy
07:44and possibly, in David's mind,
07:46somewhat French.
07:49You know?
07:51LAUGHTER
07:52How long did it take before he wore them?
07:53Has he ever worn them?
07:55Oh, yes.
07:56LAUGHTER
08:02From that day forward,
08:04that was his new style of choice.
08:06So, even as we speak,
08:08he's sat there now with something...
08:10With something clinging to his midriff.
08:13I'm so sorry.
08:14LAUGHTER
08:17So, it wasn't like his main present,
08:18there was other stuff?
08:19There was some other stuff.
08:20Can you remember anything else
08:21that you've got in there?
08:22You know, some books and a DVD and...
08:24What were the books?
08:26LAUGHTER
08:27Well...
08:28The Bible and Fifty Shades of Grey.
08:31LAUGHTER
08:33So, Melvin, what do you make of this?
08:38I'm just excited.
08:39LAUGHTER
08:40What do we think?
08:41Truth or lie?
08:42I just...
08:43So, what do you think, Alex?
08:44I could imagine you'd definitely be startled by it, but...
08:46Well, that bit, I...
08:47If David's worn the same pair of pants all of his life
08:49until that moment, and I suspect he has.
08:50The same pair of pants?
08:51The same...
08:52The same type of pants.
08:53I think it's true.
08:54You do.
08:55So, Melvin thinks it's true.
08:56I hope it's true.
08:57You're going to say that it's true.
08:58OK.
08:59They think it's true.
09:00Victoria, was it true or was it a lie?
09:01It is...
09:02True.
09:03Yes, it's true.
09:04You do.
09:05So, Melvin thinks it's true.
09:06Alex?
09:07I hope it's true.
09:08LAUGHTER
09:09You're going to say that it's true.
09:10OK.
09:11They think it's true.
09:12Victoria, was it true or was it a lie?
09:15It is...
09:17True.
09:18APPLAUSE
09:24Yes, it's true.
09:25Victoria did startle David with one of her Christmas gifts.
09:28Melvin, you're next.
09:31I was once given just half an hour
09:35to learn how to drive a double-decker bus
09:38along the edge of a cliff.
09:40LAUGHTER
09:45What's this all about?
09:48LAUGHTER
09:50David's team.
09:52When was this?
09:53It was in the 60s.
09:55And for what purpose?
09:56What was this for?
09:57Well, it was for a film.
09:58Which film was this, then?
10:00It was called Summer Holiday.
10:01Summer Holiday, yes.
10:03APPLAUSE
10:04I was on the edge of this mountain road,
10:07and there was a sheer drop.
10:09You couldn't see the ground below.
10:11And the director said to me,
10:13If I wave my left arm, you're too near the edge.
10:18LAUGHTER
10:19If I wave my right arm, you're too near the wall of the cliff.
10:24And I drive straight at him, and when I get within 50 yards,
10:28he takes out a loud halo and says,
10:33We're zooming in for a close-up.
10:35Try and look frightened.
10:37LAUGHTER
10:40And all I could think, I looked behind me before I did,
10:43and there were these famous faces looking at me.
10:46Who was there, Melvin?
10:47There was a young man called Cliff Richard.
10:50Yay!
10:51There was Una Stubbs.
10:52There was the Shadows.
10:54What are the Shadows that they cast?
10:56LAUGHTER
10:58And you genuinely, they only gave you half an hour
11:00to learn to drive a bus.
11:02Yeah, because I wasn't Cliff.
11:03Cliff Richard I'm talking about, not the Cliff.
11:06LAUGHTER
11:08Can I ask you this question?
11:09Una Stubbs said of that film
11:11that she found it impossible to remember the plot
11:13or any of her lines
11:14because Cliff Richard was so beautiful
11:16she couldn't stop staring at him.
11:18LAUGHTER
11:19Did you have that problem?
11:21LAUGHTER
11:22Yeah!
11:23LAUGHTER
11:25APPLAUSE
11:31Naga, what do you think?
11:32It's so plausible and it's a brilliant story.
11:35Too brilliant to be a lie.
11:37Victoria.
11:38Summer Holiday is one of my all-time favourite films.
11:40Somebody gave an unforgettable performance as the bus driver.
11:43You decide if that was Melvin Hayes or not.
11:46LAUGHTER
11:47I mean, I think the only question about the plausibility
11:49of this at all is whether you had so little training
11:52for that scene.
11:53And, frankly, we all have quite a prejudiced view of the past.
11:57And so I think we can all believe that in that era of filmmaking
12:00they were that careless with talents of your magnitude.
12:05So, yes.
12:06APPLAUSE
12:07Well said.
12:08Well said.
12:09Well said.
12:10Well.
12:11So, they...
12:13They think it's true, Melvin.
12:15Was it true or was it a lie?
12:16I am so sorry.
12:18It's true.
12:19APPLAUSE
12:20Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest
12:29who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
12:32This week, each of David's team will claim it's them that has the genuine
12:36connection to the guest and it's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth.
12:40So, please welcome this week's special celebrity guest, Patti Boulay.
12:45Patti Boulay!
12:47Patti Boulay!
12:49Patti Boulay!
12:50Patti Boulay!
12:53So, Victoria, what is Patti to you?
13:01This is Patti.
13:03When she starred in a pantomime of Aladdin, I was in the same production.
13:09Right.
13:10Naga, how do you know Patti?
13:13This is Patti.
13:14When we appeared on the Pointless Celebrities Christmas special, we both failed to
13:20identify someone from a picture who's in this room.
13:24Oh, right.
13:26And, David, finally, what's your relationship with Patti?
13:30This is Patti.
13:31At a Christmas concert, she handed me a mince pie to cure my rumbly tummy that
13:37was ruining Silent Night.
13:40So, there we have it.
13:42Lee, where will you begin?
13:44So, Victoria.
13:45When was this?
13:46Sometime in the 90s.
13:49But you weren't an actress, were you?
13:51No.
13:52Well, it was a non-speaking role.
13:53Oh.
13:54What was the role?
13:55I was the lion.
13:57Oh, you were in a costume?
13:59Yes.
14:00I'm trying to remember where the lion features in that classic story of
14:06Aladdin.
14:07Well, as I say, it wasn't a big role.
14:10And I'll be honest, I was only in it one time.
14:13What happened was, I was telling a friend of mine that I had never seen a
14:16panto before.
14:18And she worked at a newspaper.
14:20And she said, oh, I can probably get you some free tickets to that.
14:23And I said, great.
14:24And then she rang me back the next day and said, better still, you can be in it.
14:29It was a promotional stunt.
14:31There's a lion that is in the show every night.
14:34And it's in a costume.
14:35And it was, oh, my goodness.
14:37A lion.
14:38Ah!
14:39Oh, my goodness.
14:40A lion.
14:41What's that doing in Aladdin?
14:42And who was Patty playing in this?
14:45Patty was, of course.
14:47Of course she was Aladdin.
14:48Miss Boulet, I should say, was the principal boy.
14:50Who else was in it?
14:51What other names?
14:52I'm glad you asked me that question.
14:54Dennis Waterman.
14:55And Barry from Heidi High.
14:58He was the game.
15:00Right.
15:01So was there a regular lion that you replaced?
15:06Yeah, I think there was always a lion in it.
15:09Played by the same person every night?
15:10Well, I don't know.
15:11I was only there one time.
15:12Did you not ask if you were putting someone out of a job?
15:15It was all a bit of a blur.
15:17Dennis Waterman sang the mind of theme tune.
15:20Barry from Heidi High said, I'm off to Burger King.
15:23Mine's a whopper.
15:24And then there was a bit...
15:25LAUGHTER
15:26I think you're telling the truth,
15:28cos I knew Barry and he was a whopper.
15:31LAUGHTER
15:38Who would you like to quiz next, Lee?
15:40Er, Nagat, could you tell me how you know Patty...
15:42That's Patty Boulet!
15:44Could you tell me how you know Patty Boulet?
15:47We appeared on a Pointless Celebrities Christmas special.
15:51Oh, yes.
15:52And one of the rounds involved identifying people.
15:56Right.
15:57And one of the pictures was of someone on this stage.
16:02Right. Were you...
16:03And we failed to identify them correctly.
16:05Well, tell you what, don't tell us who it was.
16:06Tell us what the question was.
16:08Is that how it works on Pointless?
16:09You had a picture screen...
16:10Yeah.
16:11..that you looked at and there were something like, um,
16:14nine pictures...
16:15Yeah.
16:16..and they were all of famous northerners.
16:19LAUGHTER
16:20LAUGHTER
16:26David, David.
16:27Merry Christmas.
16:28LAUGHTER
16:29So it's me.
16:33Yeah.
16:34LAUGHTER
16:35OK.
16:36I think, from memory, you can't get help off Patty.
16:39No, but in the celebrity one, you can.
16:41Everyone whispers.
16:42You can get help off Patty?
16:44So even Patty doesn't know who I am?
16:46LAUGHTER
16:49For God's sake, Patty, when you walked on, I went,
16:52Wait!
16:53It's Patty Boulay!
16:57Oh, it's Patty Boulay!
17:00And you didn't recognise this!
17:04Lee, sit down.
17:07Right, you know, before, when I said,
17:09Oh, my God, it's Patty Boulay.
17:10I don't want that in the edit.
17:13I want you to use this instead.
17:15Who's that woman stood up?
17:20Who is she?
17:23I can't wait.
17:24So who did you think Lee was, then, when you made the guess?
17:31If you say Brad Pitt, I'll forgive you.
17:35Jimmy Nail.
17:36LAUGHTER
17:37Jimmy Nail?!
17:45Oh!
17:47I...
17:48I don't think we need to ask David about his.
17:50LAUGHTER
17:51This is one of the best shows we've ever done.
17:54LAUGHTER
17:55Here's a question.
17:56Had it been a picture of Rob, if the category was Welsh people,
18:00would you have recognised Rob?
18:01Of course.
18:03LAUGHTER
18:04You've done Pointless, haven't you?
18:07Yeah.
18:08So, with Pointless, you have to get the least...
18:10If it was the least recognisable person...
18:13So you...
18:14You had to go at Lee.
18:15You'd get fewer points.
18:16LAUGHTER
18:17You'd get fewer points.
18:18Well, I mean, it sounds like a very good strategy.
18:21I would have gone for him as well, actually.
18:24LAUGHTER
18:25What I love most about this is, even if it's a lie,
18:28she still says she thinks you look like Jimmy Nail.
18:31LAUGHTER
18:32Do you know what?
18:33That's the worst bit.
18:34No.
18:35Because if you had to think on the spot and that...
18:37LAUGHTER
18:38Well, here's the thing, Lee.
18:39Here's the thing, Naga.
18:40We've managed to find a picture of Jimmy Nail.
18:43LAUGHTER
18:45Well, yeah, look at that!
18:47Yes!
18:49Can we put that next to Lee?
18:58Well, well, well.
18:59All right.
19:00Are you happy to move on to David?
19:01David, remind me, please.
19:02Well, Patty handed me a mince pie at a Christmas concert
19:05because my rumbly tummy was making a noise over Silent Night.
19:11It was ruining it.
19:13LAUGHTER
19:14And was Patty on stage singing?
19:15No.
19:16Where was she?
19:17She was next to me, listening to the concert, holding a mince pie.
19:20Where was this, David?
19:22It was at the Royal Albert Hall.
19:24Oh, lovely.
19:25Right, I don't care about any other question
19:26than the one I'm going to ask.
19:27OK.
19:28Did she recognise you?
19:29LAUGHTER
19:32I mean, look, I don't know, she seemed to.
19:34Ah-ha!
19:35So, no!
19:36LAUGHTER
19:37Is there any significance about the word silence
19:40from Silent Night to the rumbling noise in your tummy?
19:44I think there is significance there, yes.
19:46I think that the rumbling...
19:47Because Silent Night, obviously, it's horrendously mistitled,
19:51what they should say, Quiet Night,
19:53because it is obviously audible
19:55and it wouldn't be the successful carol it is
19:58if it were entirely silent.
20:01LAUGHTER
20:02But, nevertheless, it's one of the quieter ones
20:05and the noise my stomach was making
20:06would have been less of a problem
20:08during, say, Hark the Herald Angels Sing.
20:11LAUGHTER
20:12I'm sorry I asked.
20:14LAUGHTER
20:15So what?
20:16People often are.
20:17LAUGHTER
20:19Did you say you were near the front?
20:20No, I didn't say that.
20:21We were in a box.
20:22Oh.
20:23What was the occasion?
20:24It was like a BBC hospitality thing.
20:27Your stomach was that loud that it was audible for...
20:30It was actually ruining the performance.
20:31I don't think it was audible throughout the hall.
20:34LAUGHTER
20:35What sort of noises was it making?
20:37Because stomachs make a variety.
20:39It could be a gurgle, it could be a whine,
20:41it could be all sorts of things.
20:43Just recreate for us using...
20:45LAUGHTER
20:46..using that versatile tool of yours.
20:48Um...
20:49Oh, no, I don't...
20:50LAUGHTER
20:51I don't know how to use my mouth, but OK.
20:53Just recreate for us the sort of sounds
20:55that Patty would have heard.
20:56I think they were sort of...
20:58And Patty heard this and proffered a mince pie.
21:08Yeah.
21:09Was she sat behind you or in front of you?
21:11Er, no.
21:12LAUGHTER
21:13Was she sat to the side of you?
21:15That's it.
21:16LAUGHTER
21:17Right next to me.
21:18She was next to you.
21:19Right there.
21:20Didn't I ask earlier if she was next to you and you said no?
21:22If I did, I was lying.
21:23LAUGHTER
21:24Right, we need an answer.
21:26So, Lee's team, is Patty Victoria's panto pal,
21:30Naga's pointless partner or David's pie provider?
21:34Let's take them individually, shall we?
21:36Right.
21:37So, Victoria.
21:38We like her.
21:39Well, we like her, but...
21:40LAUGHTER
21:41We can't just judge it by who we like.
21:44LAUGHTER
21:45I'm just a bit worried cos she's been standing there a long time.
21:48Yeah.
21:49She's liable to fall over.
21:50LAUGHTER
21:51Well, what the audience don't realise is you're stood there,
21:53don't forget.
21:54LAUGHTER
21:59What do you think about Naga not recognising me on pointless?
22:02I can understand that.
22:04LAUGHTER
22:06I wasn't sure until the Jimmy Nail comparison.
22:10And then you thought...
22:11And then I was like...
22:12Yeah.
22:13Yeah, that was...
22:14I mean...
22:15I thought she nailed it.
22:16LAUGHTER
22:18Then there's David.
22:23That's a very woolly story.
22:25LAUGHTER
22:26Well, it's a lovely woolly time of year, isn't it?
22:29LAUGHTER
22:30So who do you think is telling the truth here, Melvin?
22:33I think it's a very difficult game.
22:35I didn't realise.
22:36LAUGHTER
22:37I'll leave it to the public vote.
22:39LAUGHTER
22:40I think it's...
22:42I think Naga.
22:43LAUGHTER
22:44I think there's an obvious explanation,
22:47and that is that Naga knows where I am, but she forgot her glasses.
22:50So let's go with that.
22:51LAUGHTER
22:52It's Naga looking at a picture of you...
22:54Thinking I'm Jimmy Nail.
22:56LAUGHTER
22:57OK.
22:58Patti, would you please reveal your true identity?
23:02Well, I'm Patti, and...
23:05the lovely Victoria was in the same pantomime as me.
23:11APPLAUSE
23:12Yes, Patti is Victoria's panto pal.
23:16Thank you very much, Patti Boulay.
23:18APPLAUSE
23:20APPLAUSE
23:22Which brings us to our final round quick-fire lies,
23:27and we start with...
23:31It's Lee.
23:34One Christmas, after spotting them stranded at the side of the road,
23:38I let a couple called Mary and Joseph stay the night.
23:43LAUGHTER
23:44Because there was no room at the Premier Inn.
23:47LAUGHTER
23:49Right, David's team.
23:54So where did you spot Mary and Joseph?
23:58It was in a place I used to live called Bethlehem.
24:01LAUGHTER
24:04Where I live, just near where I live.
24:06I was driving home and just saw them, looking very cold.
24:09Just a man and a woman?
24:10And a donkey.
24:12LAUGHTER
24:13A man and a woman stood at the side of the road.
24:15Yeah.
24:16Luggage?
24:17Well, she was heavily pregnant.
24:19LAUGHTER
24:20Were they hitching?
24:21No, they were just sat on a bench looking really cold.
24:23You'd just stopped and asked some people on a park bench
24:25if they wanted to come home with you.
24:26LAUGHTER
24:27You've not started doing that again, have you?
24:30LAUGHTER
24:31The window was down.
24:32We stopped at the lights and they, you know...
24:34Who's wee?
24:35Did you have someone else with you?
24:36Er, no, I was having a wee in the car.
24:38LAUGHTER
24:39And, erm...
24:40I looked out the window and, er, you know, they gave me that look.
24:45They went, hey!
24:46Jimmy Neil!
24:47LAUGHTER
24:49And I just had a bit of bounce, you know, all right?
24:51How's it going?
24:52Yeah.
24:53Oh, we're freezing.
24:54Why?
24:55Because they were near the Premier Inn, I said, we couldn't get in.
24:58It was a mistake with the booking and now we don't know where to go next.
25:01So, you have the window down in the car.
25:03Yeah.
25:04So, you have the passenger window down, do you?
25:07Why?
25:08Because you looked that way when you said, hey.
25:11I was reversing.
25:12LAUGHTER
25:14Which...
25:15Which, thanks for laughing, but that doesn't make sense.
25:18LAUGHTER
25:20I recently bought my new American left-hand drive.
25:23LAUGHTER
25:25A Mustang.
25:26LAUGHTER
25:27So, it's not just no room at the inn and they're called Mary and Joseph.
25:30Mary is pregnant.
25:33I can't confirm that and I'm reluctant to say it on television in case she's watching.
25:37Well, can I...
25:38OK.
25:39Can I ask you, did Mary give birth to a messiah while staying at your house?
25:45LAUGHTER
25:46No.
25:47No.
25:48But, er...
25:49So, it's...
25:50Three people visited with gifts.
25:51LAUGHTER
25:52So, they get into the car.
25:53Yeah.
25:54And you go back to Mack Towers.
25:56Yeah.
25:57Yes, the gates swing open.
25:58Mm-hm.
25:59You go up the crunchy gravel driveway.
26:01What happens next?
26:02Drawbridge comes down.
26:03Yeah.
26:04Drawbridge comes up.
26:05Well, obviously not, otherwise I'd have gone straight into the moat.
26:08LAUGHTER
26:09Let's just move on to the portcullet.
26:11LAUGHTER
26:12You get to the big front door of the house.
26:14Yeah.
26:15What happens?
26:16Er, so, then I...
26:17I go in, cos I've got my own key now.
26:19She's finally given me her key.
26:21LAUGHTER
26:22And, erm...
26:23And I go in.
26:24Leaving Mary and Joseph in the car?
26:25No, no, they're in the stable in the back.
26:27LAUGHTER
26:28And the children rush out,
26:30Father, Father, you're...
26:31Who's this?
26:32No, no, they were in bed.
26:33It was Christmas Eve.
26:34Did I not mention that?
26:35Well, how much time was it?
26:36About...
26:3710.30.
26:38What were you doing out at 10.30 on Christmas Eve?
26:42In your Mustang with the window down.
26:44LAUGHTER
26:45Driving slowly along the curb.
26:47LAUGHTER
26:48Oh, Lee, Lee, Lee, no!
26:53LAUGHTER
26:54I'd forgotten my wife's present
26:55and I was looking for a late-night garage.
26:57LAUGHTER
26:58To get her something special.
26:59Yeah.
27:00Who doesn't like a giant galaxy
27:01and a bunch of carnations?
27:02LAUGHTER
27:04Did you find out what Mary and Joseph,
27:07what they did for a living,
27:08where they lived, anything about them?
27:10Er, I think he might have been a carpenter.
27:12I'm not 100% sure.
27:14LAUGHTER
27:15I'm not sure what he did.
27:17I know she...
27:18I think she may have been a jockey.
27:20LAUGHTER
27:22When did they...
27:24When did they go?
27:26Because presumably the next morning...
27:28LAUGHTER
27:30When did they leave the house, Lee?
27:32Er, when did they leave the house?
27:34They left the next morning early
27:35when my mate Brian came round.
27:37Brian Herrod.
27:38LAUGHTER
27:40So, what do we reckon?
27:42Naga, what do you think?
27:44I don't believe any of it.
27:46You don't believe any of it?
27:47LAUGHTER
27:48Victoria, what are you thinking?
27:49I think it's not true,
27:50because of the words that he spoke.
27:52Yes, all right.
27:53So, your whole team are solid on that.
27:55Yes, I think it's...
27:56Yes, it's not true.
27:57All right.
27:58Lee, they think it's a lie.
27:59Was it a lie or was it actually true?
28:01It was, in fact, a lie.
28:03LAUGHTER
28:04APPLAUSE
28:06Yes, it's a lie.
28:08Lee didn't let a couple called Mary and Joseph stay the night.
28:12APPLAUSE
28:13Oh, that noise signals time is up.
28:15It's the end of the show
28:16and I can reveal that David's team has won by four points to one.
28:19Ah, well done.
28:21APPLAUSE
28:22Great show, mate.
28:23That was a great show.
28:24Thanks for watching.
28:25We'll see you next time.
28:26Good night.
28:27APPLAUSE
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