- 1 day ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Hey, Denise, I'm so happy that you and Freddie are together again.
00:07Thanks for the help.
00:09Hey, here goes more help, eh?
00:11If you get fat, go outside.
00:15Do you know what's the secret to keep men?
00:17Get fat too.
00:19So, let me show you how to make a sandwich.
00:22But Freddie's just sitting out there.
00:24No, don't worry, he'll find something to do.
00:26Come, come, come.
00:28Rose, what are you doing here? I thought you moved to New York.
00:32Why did I have to wait for Chris to tell me you had feelings for me?
00:35Well, you know, after you dumped Chris.
00:38It was mutual.
00:40And then, uh, rebounded with the gambling Italian.
00:44You made it pretty clear you were through with men.
00:46Uh, I was through with those men.
00:49Why are you out there?
00:52I needed some hall air.
00:54Oh, God, it is so good to see you.
01:00Listen!
01:03I wish we could talk, but, uh, my bath's about to get cold.
01:08If I don't get in there right now, Grandma's gonna use the last of my bath beads.
01:12Yeah.
01:13But I'll, uh, I'll call you.
01:15Okay.
01:16Oh-ho-ho!
01:17Oh-ho-ho!
01:18Oh-ho-ho!
01:19Oh-ho-ho!
01:20Oh-ho-ho!
01:21Oh-ho-ho!
01:22I'm a little sick.
01:23But, uh, I'm gonna put one right there.
01:25Huh?
01:26Put it right there.
01:27I'll call you.
01:28Okay.
01:29Okay.
01:30Okay.
01:31Okay.
01:32Okay.
01:33Okay.
01:34Okay.
01:35Okay.
01:36Okay.
01:37What are you doing?
01:38Dude, I bring Rose to you and you push her out the door?
01:41Freddie, I thought you said that she was the one person you could see spending the rest of
01:45your life with.
01:46Yeah.
01:47Uh, Denise and I just got back together.
01:49She's in the kitchen!
01:50Oh.
01:51Like, what am I gonna do?
01:52Seeing Rose made all those feelings come back, but I care about Denise, too.
01:56I'm making you a sandwich.
01:58Do you want Swiss or cheddar on it?
02:00Huh?
02:01What?
02:02I want both!
02:03I need time!
02:08Sophia, I'm having lunch with Rose.
02:10Could you please seat her at table 36?
02:13Rose?
02:14You haven't told me you were back with Denise.
02:16I am.
02:17I have a date with her tonight.
02:18That's why I need to tell Rose that timing isn't right for us to be together.
02:23Oh, wow.
02:24That's gotta be hard for you.
02:25You did say Rose was the one person you could see spending the rest of your life with.
02:30Does everyone remember that?
02:31Hey, Freddie.
02:32Hey!
02:33Look who's right on time and everything.
02:34We're, uh, we're right over there.
02:35Okay.
02:36Actually, uh, I got here early.
02:37I kept thinking about you last night when I was trying to fall asleep.
02:40I just couldn't wait to get here and see you today.
02:42I don't blame you.
02:43I have quite a good Chilean sea bass special today.
02:45You seem tense.
02:46Is everything okay?
02:47Uh, yeah.
02:48No, Rose.
02:49How can I put this?
02:50It's like today's special.
02:52See, originally, I wanted Chilean sea bass.
02:53I wanted Chilean sea bass.
02:54I wanted Chilean sea bass.
02:55I was trying to fall asleep.
02:56I just couldn't wait to get here and see you today.
02:57I don't blame you.
02:58I have quite a good Chilean sea bass special today.
02:59You seem tense.
03:00Is everything okay?
03:01Yeah.
03:02No, Rose.
03:03How can I put this?
03:04It's like today's special.
03:05See, originally, I wanted Chilean sea bass with the broccolini.
03:24But the broccolini went away.
03:27But then I found butternut squash.
03:32So I decided to go with that.
03:35But then the broccolini came back.
03:41Dude, it's just a side dish.
03:44Hey, I have an idea for this weekend.
03:47Someone in my bakery told me about this restaurant that serves extreme food.
03:51They have cobra bisque with poisonous blowfish croutons.
03:56If you die, is dinner free?
03:59That sounds cool.
04:02God, I knew you'd get it.
04:05How could we not see how perfect we are for each other?
04:08Uh, I did.
04:09You're the dope who didn't pick up on all my hints.
04:11I even use my sexy voice when we talk on the phone.
04:14I'd be like, hey girl, what's up?
04:18Yeah, you're a little old for sup.
04:21What?
04:22You're probably older than me.
04:24Oh, I...
04:26Is that a gray hair?
04:28Oh, are those crow's feet, granddaddy?
04:30Oh, I said, is that a gray hair, granddaddy?
04:34Hey, why you gotta keep going back to gray hairs?
04:38Seriously, do I have one?
04:39Oh, I'm just picking on you.
04:40Ah, me too.
04:41So, you wanna go Saturday night?
04:42Yeah, I do.
04:43I am so glad that Chris told me about your feelings when he did.
04:44I mean, imagine if I came back and you already had a girlfriend.
04:45Oh, yeah.
04:46That would've been awkward.
05:02Oh yeah, that would've been awkward.
05:07When I was a little boy
05:11About to hate your fight
05:14My mother said I'd be
05:17The greatest man in life
05:20Now I'm a man
05:23Now I'm a man
05:26Oh
05:28Oh
05:37You look hot in that dress
05:44Thanks
05:46I'm meeting a blind date
05:47At the restaurant tomorrow night
05:48Oh, sounds like fun
05:50So what's your plan to bail
05:52When he turns out to be a goober
05:53Oh, I don't need to worry about that
05:56He's a pharmacist
05:58Uh-huh
06:01He sounds hot
06:03But I'll be at the bar just in case
06:06You give me a signal
06:07And I'll come over and say
06:08You have to leave
06:08Something bad happened to Zoe
06:09Don't even think something like that
06:12About my child
06:13It's bad luck
06:13Use Freddy
06:14Okay
06:15God
06:18Damn it
06:19Whose snow boot is this?
06:22That'll be yours
06:22Good
06:25Cause I was looking for it
06:27Oh, someone's cranky
06:30I'm sorry
06:32Okay
06:33Work sucked
06:34I have a splitting headache
06:35And now
06:35I have to go break it off with Denise
06:39Well, when I left
06:40You said you were breaking it off with Rose
06:42I know
06:43All right
06:44Denise is great
06:45But after I started talking to Rose
06:47I realized
06:48There are things we have
06:49That I can't have with anyone else
06:51Well, you did say
06:52That she was the girl
06:53You could see spending
06:54The rest of your life with
06:55Was I just a big woman that week?
06:58Coming
07:03Hi
07:10Hi
07:11Ta-da
07:15Oh, hey
07:17Look at all this
07:19I thought we were gonna order in and watch TV
07:24And maybe talk a little
07:26Well, it's something you're gonna learn about me
07:30I'm unpredictable
07:32Yeah, you're gonna learn that about me, too
07:35What's the matter?
07:38Are you feeling okay?
07:39Uh, no, not really
07:40I have a headache
07:41Denise
07:42This isn't exactly going to be the evening you had planned
07:46Hey
07:47As long as we're together, that's all that matters
07:50The man in the wine store said
07:53This was an excellent Chardonnay
07:55It's okie
08:08Fruity
08:09Takes off the edgy
08:11Why don't we sit down?
08:14Yeah, we probably should sit
08:16You know what?
08:19You take care of everybody else
08:21Let me help you get that headache
08:24Lie back
08:27You know what, Denise?
08:30Really?
08:31I think
08:31Well, you're kind of strong
08:33Well, I wouldn't be a very good physical therapist
08:37If I couldn't load chunky people onto treadmills
08:39Yeah, this feels nice
08:42Put your feet up
08:45Just relax
08:47Why do you have to be such a good kisser?
09:02Okay
09:04Just imagine we're alone
09:07On a tropical island beach
09:09I'm rubbing coconut oil on your back
09:12While the sun warms your skin
09:15Everything is perfect
09:17And there's nothing you need to do
09:20But relax
09:22Oh, I never knew you had such a beautiful voice
09:39Thanks
09:41Thanks
09:41You know
09:43I finally got up the nerve
09:45To sing at my friend's coffee house this weekend
09:46You wanna come?
09:50Yeah, I do
09:51Okay, I've been working on a signal for if I don't like him
10:04Okay
10:05How's this?
10:11Okay, if you do that, he'll leave on his own
10:13There he is
10:16And you can forget about the signal
10:18Look at how adorable he is
10:19Humping that daisy
10:20I think we may still need a signal
10:24How about if I just flare my nostrils like this?
10:28Oh, you got a bat in the cave
10:30What is wrong with me?
10:36Look, I couldn't break up with Rose or Denise
10:38So now I'm doing exactly what I didn't want to do
10:40I'm basically seeing them both
10:42Dude, who says you can't have two women?
10:44Have you asked them?
10:47Uh, the trick
10:48Is to make them think it was their idea
10:50I care about these women, Chris
10:54All right?
10:55They both have qualities that I'm looking for
10:56I just had a great idea
10:59Please, tell me
11:01I think I'm going to hit a club tonight
11:04And see how many girls I can meet at one time
11:06How does that help me?
11:09It's not always about you, Freddy
11:10Rose is here
11:14What am I going to do?
11:15Look, I only agreed to this date
11:17Because I thought I was going to break up with Denise
11:18All right, fine
11:21You want my advice?
11:23Take each one of them out one more time
11:25See where they stand on the stuff that's important to you
11:26And make your decision
11:27That's actually good
11:30Hey, why don't you ever lead off with the good advice?
11:35Why do you always have to go through a bunch of stupid ones
11:37Before you get to the one that makes sense?
11:40It's my process
11:41It's my process
11:41Hey, you ready to eat?
11:48You've got the appetite, I've got the anti-venom
11:51Sounds great
11:53Rose
11:54How do you feel about marriage?
11:59I'm sorry, did I black out?
12:01Have we been dating for two years?
12:03No, I'm curious
12:05You know, we never really talked about it
12:06I guess I'm open to it
12:09But I'm not committing to anything until I've seen you naked
12:12I've got better abs
12:14But his ass is museum quality
12:17Let me just grab something out of the oven
12:24And then we can go get our poison on
12:27Oh crap, I'll burn my hand
12:36Damn it
12:37Come on, Freddy, we're quick
12:40So we get burned all the time
12:41You know, it might feel better
12:46If you're saying to me
12:47Okay
12:51You're being a big baby
12:54Let's go eat
12:55What's that you're drinking?
13:02Is that a mojito?
13:05Actually, it's a
13:06You're gonna need a better pickup line than that toe
13:08I'm kidding
13:12Yes, it's a mojito
13:14And I'm Allison
13:15Rick
13:15I'm really impressed you went back to med school
13:19I hated chemistry
13:21Oh yeah, chemistry homework is the worst
13:23And I have to do it twice
13:24First mine, then I have to help my daughter with hers
13:26You have a daughter?
13:28Yeah
13:28Zoe, she's 13
13:30Do you want to see a picture?
13:31I'd love to
13:32So can I buy you another drink?
13:36Uh, sure
13:37Actually, I'm sorry, I can't
13:41I have to go
13:43Doug, your house is on fire
13:46I've been looking all over for you
13:48Oh my God
13:48I gotta go
13:49I hope everything's gonna be okay
13:54This house is on fire
13:57I just landed a man with the house
13:59I'm gonna live
14:05Are we gonna go?
14:12In a sec
14:13Hey, could you go to my office and get me some band-aids?
14:16I'm gonna go to the bar and find some ice
14:17Denise, oh, he's with it
14:19What a surprise
14:20I thought I'd bring you some lavender essential oil
14:24It's great for headaches
14:25Doctor, I'm all good
14:26But go on out, get out of here
14:28I can't work with you looking all hot like that
14:31Seriously, you need to get out of here
14:34Wait, what's wrong with your hands?
14:37Did you burn yourself?
14:39Let me get some ice
14:40Now, Denise, this isn't necessary
14:42I'm pretty, there are no band-aids in your office
14:44Honey, if it hurts that bad, let's just scratch dinner
14:47We can go back to my place
14:48I'll get you a band-aid
14:50And then we can cuddle on the couch
14:51How does that sound?
14:53That does not sound good
14:55Who are you?
14:58I'm his girlfriend
14:59Uh, I don't think so
15:01He's dating me
15:02What's going on, Freddie?
15:09Yeah
15:10Rose knew me before you met me
15:16And she went away
15:17But then she came back
15:19Rose, the day you showed up at my house
15:22Denise had just gotten back together with me
15:24So you see, you see
15:27This is all just a case of bad timing
15:30I can't believe you
15:33I give you a second chance and you do this
15:36We were meant to be together, Freddie
15:38And you just threw it away
15:39Denise!
15:41No, don't call me
15:42Don't write me
15:43You're dead to me
15:44Put this on your finger before he gets infected
15:52Denise! Denise! You can't leave!
15:56Hey, girl
16:15What's up?
16:21Denise!
16:24Denise!
16:24Denise!
16:26Wait, wait
16:27I told you, don't chase after me
16:31I hope you don't catch your breath
16:34I'm not out of breath
16:37Rose punched me in the stomach
16:40When I told her I wanted you
16:43Look, you were right
16:46We are meant to be together
16:48I would do anything not to lose you
16:53That includes internal bleeding
16:56Why are you doing this?
17:00I told you, you're dead to me
17:01I will be
17:03Just give me a second
17:04Denise
17:13Denise
17:14Denise
17:14Denise
17:15Denise
17:15Denise
17:15Denise
17:16Denise
17:17Denise
17:18Denise
17:20Would you please call 9-1-1-1?
17:34Doug was a creep
17:44Yes, he was
17:46Sounds like his safety net was pretty interested in you, though
17:48Yeah, Rick was kind of cute
17:51He gave me his number
17:52Huh?
17:55Oh, wow, that sucks for Rick
17:57If his friend wasn't such a creep, maybe he'd think about calling him
18:00Yeah
18:03But I'd never go out with that loser now, though
18:06So you're gonna throw that out, right?
18:11Of course
18:12Seven, five, five
18:18Four, seven, two, thirteen
18:20Ah, no, I still got it
18:21Allison, what time is it?
18:23Ninety-fifty-four
18:24Oh, damn
18:25Hey, Denise, escuché que tú y Freddy tuvieron algunos problemas
18:31Yeah, but we worked it out
18:32Ay, qué bueno
18:33Entonces, ven
18:34Deja que continúe explicarte cómo corren las cosas en esta familia
18:38Ah
18:41Hey
18:43What happened to this place?
18:52I think I had a party
18:54I thought you were going to wrestle up some ladies
18:58I did
19:03I, uh, managed to land five chicks last night
19:09Uh, and then one of them called her boyfriend
19:11And then, uh, he came by with some friends
19:13And before I knew it, there were more guys than girls
19:16And it was, uh, weenie world at Chris's
19:20Well, it looks like you didn't let us boil your fun
19:26Listen, Denise and I are making fluffernutters
19:29Dude, that's so childish
19:31Just call it sex
19:32The sandwiches, okay?
19:36I need to borrow some white bread
19:38Hey, if someone's making fluffernutters
19:40Cut the crust off mine
19:42Hey, so how, uh, how'd you get Denise to forgive you after all that?
19:48I was just straight with her
19:49You, you know, I realized
19:51Rose is someone you love to hang out with
19:54But Denise is the kind of woman you stay with forever
19:57I'm Todd
20:00Let's not do this, Todd
20:03It's not going anywhere
20:04Then don't tell me when to have kids
20:10I want a career first
20:12I'm selfish
20:22We're not even married
20:23And she's telling me when to have babies
20:25What the hell happened?
20:27And I was only gone for two freaking minutes
20:29What are you talking about?
20:38You crazy old woman
20:39You told me she was perfect for me
20:41Oh, there's evil in here
20:47And it's wearing a housecoat
20:48Oh, oh my God
20:53You talk to her, Freddy
21:04I can't
21:06What's up with Denise?
21:14I'm having a problem with her and Grandma
21:15Listen, I don't mean to, like, pile on while you're down
21:21But, um, what was up with you not shaking Todd's hand
21:24Looking good
21:29I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that's not my fault
21:30I'm sorry man
21:31I'm laughing at you
21:31Oh, what's up with you?
21:31I'm sorry, I don't like you
21:31I'm sorry, I'm not shaking
21:32I am
21:33I'm sorry, I don't like you
21:34I'm sorry, I don't like you
21:34But, uh, I don't like you
21:35I don't like you
21:36I don't like you
21:37I don't like you
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