- 2 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00you two are such a cute couple yeah it's me more than her so Kristen how do you
00:15and Chris meet out shopping we both grab the same shirt off the rack this is
00:23unisex don't worry but it is a lovely top sweetie hey you didn't bring us any
00:33drinks oh you're right I've been rude you should leave come on man we just need a
00:42couple more minutes if we go home and my grandma's up she and Denise are gonna
00:46fight really why because his grandmother is a meddling harpy doesn't help that
00:53you greet her that way it's my boss I'll take it later oh don't you hate it when
01:03you're off work and your boss calls you know what I hate I hate when I'm not
01:07having sex that really bugs me Chris you such a one-track mind uh yeah and he's
01:14mellowed a lot there was a time there during puberty when I was afraid to fall
01:18asleep at his house dude I had raging hormones and a complete lack of game
01:23because my parents made me wear a bow tie to school okay you wore a bow tie sure
01:30god I bet I lost my virginity before you did whoa wait wait wait it's it's easier
01:38for a girl to lose her virginity than a guy all right a guy has to ask a hundred
01:42girls before one says yes a girl just has to be the one who says yes I was really
01:51I'm here aren't I
01:56you can do whatever you want but you ain't gonna make it okay he's touching me
02:06all right we're out of here we're out of here well I've been sitting around in my wet bathing suit
02:13for a few days now it feels like I have to go to the bathroom all the time when I do it burns like
02:18fire Alison I'm afraid you have a urinary tract infection yes treatable with a wide variety of
02:28antibiotics you are still going to eat your test okay my turn my stomach hurts I feel lightheaded I'm
02:37getting a little shaky and I'm irritable hmm do you have pain in your testicles yes I do but I think it
02:46was just how I was sitting look I need you guys to keep it down I don't want grandma to wake up start
02:55bugging Denise what are you doing up you're supposed to be asleep oh solo estaba hablando con la mujer con
03:07carreras como está tu útero inútil I didn't say I wouldn't have kids I just said I wanted a career
03:17first oh tu tienes una carrera eres la CEO de sentarse y callarse
03:23enough of this okay we're gonna settle this thing once and for all
03:29okay Denise let's say we get married one day how long would you want to work before we started a family
03:46I don't know I don't know four or five years what's wrong with that
03:58deal boy or girl will call it grandma and just so we're clear after the baby's born I'm going back
04:07to work she's just measuring you to see how big a wood chipper she needs
04:18it's my boss again I have to take this
04:31okay what's your angle you blue-haired grifter
04:39look there ain't nothing you can do that's gonna make Denise leave so you better get used to seeing
04:58her around Freddie we need to talk my boss wants to transfer me to Hawaii
05:04how did you do that
05:11how did you do that
05:12when I was a little boy
05:16about to hate you five
05:19my mother felt me
05:22greater than man life
05:25now I'm a man
05:28now I'm a man
05:31oh
05:35oh
05:37oh
05:46Denise
05:46you can't change Hawaii
05:48we've reached a agreement
05:49I'm going to kill your brother to the same as if he was mine
05:52grandma we need to talk
05:58so what's what's this job in Hawaii about well my company's opening a facility on Oahu
06:10and they want me to head the physical therapy department are you gonna take it I don't know
06:16I mean it's a dream job but I've never been away from Chicago my family's here and you're here
06:23I certainly don't want to lose you but if this is something you want to do I I don't want to stand
06:35in your way that means a lot to me you think you and I have a future we definitely do
06:46well looky what's going on here I'm interrupting two people who would clearly like to be alone
06:57and yet excuse me I'm still here what do you want because I got no problem hitting a guy wearing a
07:09woman's blouse well because of you guys Kristen walked out on me and I am still in a state of
07:19semi-arousal yeah you just had to bring up puberty huh the next thing I know Kristen's asking me how
07:29many women I've been with when I told her the number she practically teleported out of my apartment
07:35wow it must have been a lot for that girl to leave was it more than five
07:42don't kick me when I'm down okay I mean come on what does Kristen expect you know what guy
07:53is young rich and hot and doesn't have a high number do all guys keep count yeah which all
08:03I mean geez I I don't think you can say all about anything really it's like does space end
08:14we'll never know so you know why even bother going there so dinner tomorrow night okay okay
08:26see you then all right what is wrong with you now Denise is thinking about my number you saw that
08:38looking awry she's probably gonna ask me tomorrow night come screwed Denise is thinking about taking
08:44a job in Hawaii this this could push her into going space doesn't end all right so what's your total
09:00how many women have you been with well take a look I think I got it I broke it down by year and place
09:07fall 99 was very good to you my friend yeah so that y2k panic tale this is not good man Denise's
09:21number is zero this is gonna be a tough number to sell relax all right sure there's some way we
09:29can figure out to trim this down all right all right now let's consider this number you're gross
09:37right the only number that you need to tell Denise is your net I'm desperate so I'm gonna see where
09:46you're going with this all right uh were there any nights where you had a few too many you woke up
09:53next to a woman and you weren't really sure what happened yeah well here's what happened nothing all
10:00right it's like getting cash tips you don't have to report it okay were any of these chicks girls that
10:10you took for the team so I could score because that's charity and charity is a deduction all right
10:22were any of them farmers legally blind or drive an electric car oh oh nice oh what about women
10:33on international waters I mean shouldn't duty-free be booty-free it's a good call all right let's see
10:44your total is yeah this this is a waste of time but there's no way to get this number low enough
10:53Denise is a virgin she's gonna take one look at this number freak out move to Hawaii and marry some
11:00Hawaiian pineapple form all right I've got an idea punch this in five five three seven eight zero zero
11:13eight all right now turn it upside down it says boobless that never gets old
11:30so do you like the flowers they're beautiful what see you don't have to go to Hawaii for work
11:44you know it's funny but that last bite of steak is always the one you remember I mean I know I've had
11:53other bites before this one but this is the one that I'm really gonna treasure for me the first bite's the best
12:03by me no that last bite is special yeah those other bites I can't even remember their names
12:11okay Freddie we both know you're talking about the number what no no I'm I'm talking about steak
12:20I can't stop thinking about it since Chris brought it up so just lay it on me how many women have you
12:31slept with them okay I'm gonna write the number down on this napkin so go read it and then we'll get past
12:47it says I love you that's because I do you're right all that matters is we're together now your past is your best
13:05what do you think I've been with so many people you can just randomly point to someone yes but this
13:29isn't fair just give me about one let's say we took every girl you slept with and put them end to end
13:37would they reach the kitchen or Milwaukee
13:41okay so I'm just gonna tell you
13:49can you just write it down I don't want to just react okay I want to be able to prepare myself
14:02process it I understand look I uh I know you wish the number was zero but it's not it's uh it's more
14:18than it's not like a crazy laugh I mean a five-year-old can count to it for sure a ten-year-old
14:25okay anyway just keep in mind that if I hadn't had all of these relationships and experiences
14:35I wouldn't be the person I am today
14:39okay thanks for the flowers yeah
14:47I'll come over tomorrow morning and we'll talk okay
14:53hey Freddy
15:03uh Wendy were you dressed like Cher at last year's Halloween party yes I was sunny
15:23it's you what are you doing here I'm hungry you have the food
15:36oh hey did uh did you tell Denise the number last night no I I wrote it down on a piece of paper and asked her to read it when she got home
15:46what no dude you write it down that's evidence if you just tell her it's hearsay it's not admissible
15:53no you you told Kristen and she still walked
15:56I walked out on you yeah but I thought she was slutty enough to handle the real number all right it was a bad judgment on my part
16:03you know what at least you didn't make the same mistake I made
16:06actually I did yeah I wrote down the real number I couldn't lie to her I'm not angry I'm just disappointed
16:21hey hey hey that's Denise you know go give us some privacy go make your breakfast
16:29hey hey you know what I'm gonna make the three of us waffles
16:33oh wait wait wait wait dude I don't know if Denise likes waffles
16:37oh it doesn't matter dude she doesn't like them you can just freeze them then if somebody else wants them you put them in the toaster and they're as good as well
16:44no it's still for ow
16:49hey
16:53hi Freddie
16:54hi come in
16:59I'm uh
17:01I'm glad you're here
17:03Freddie I'm really sorry about how jealous I got last night
17:06Denise
17:08you don't have to apologize
17:10I thought about what you said and you're right
17:13your experiences are what made you the man I love
17:16psst
17:19sorry
17:20I can't get the batter to stay in the waffle iron
17:23it keeps uh it keeps sliding down onto the counter
17:27are you sure you're not using the George Foreman grill
17:31oh
17:32oh yeah
17:36sorry
17:41so
17:42you uh
17:44you were saying how much you loved me
17:47I do
17:48but
17:49I decided to take the job in Hawaii
17:56because of the number
18:01no Freddie it's not
18:03I never opened it
18:09what do you stand made me realize I haven't fully grown as a person because I've been afraid
18:19you've met people you've been places I haven't done any of that
18:24psst
18:30sorry
18:31uh the waffles didn't work out
18:33hot dog
18:37Chris
18:38not
18:39now
18:40the water's boiling I mean I can just put an extra
18:43you know what bring me a hot dog
18:45Chris
18:46Denise do you want a hot dog
18:47no
18:48okay so there's gonna be one hot dog Chris
18:55look Denise
18:56I really think you're making a big mistake
19:00alright I have a hot dog
19:11no
19:12you don't
19:13you don't
19:14you don't need to go
19:15to Hawaii
19:16stay here
19:17with me
19:18you don't
19:19we'll have experiences together
19:21Freddie
19:22I feel like
19:24if you and I
19:25are ever gonna have a real shot at a life together
19:28I need to figure out who I am
19:30I can only do that on my own
19:33yeah I wish I didn't understand but I do short of
19:46okay
19:47alright I
19:59so I want to see you
20:00as much as I can before you leave
20:03I do too
20:05and you'll help me pack right
20:07nah
20:08nah
20:09I don't want to rob you of that life experience
20:13Life experience.
20:43Hey, where'd Denise go?
20:50Hawaii.
20:54Wow.
20:57My girl just left the apartment.
20:59Yours left the country.
21:03Thank you, Dr. Phil.
21:08Hey.
21:09I'm sorry.
21:10I know, uh, I know she meant a lot to you.
21:14Yeah.
21:17Bet you're gonna miss her, huh?
21:19Yeah.
21:22You know what?
21:23Sometimes things aren't meant to be.
21:26You know?
21:27I really wanted a waffle.
21:34Looking good!
21:35Ha ha.
21:36Ha ha ha.
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