Clash of the Comics Season 1 Episode 3

Golden.Bazaar

1 hour ago
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Transcript

00:00Find out who James Acaster's mystery opponent is.

00:03Uh-oh, it's Ed The Gambler Gamble here,

00:05and I'm far too busy to get my hands dirty giving Acaster a pasting,

00:09so I've got someone to do it for me.

00:10I met them on a certain show that rhymes with...

00:13Ce... Celebrity Traitors.

00:17Oi.

00:18That's right, it's rugby legend Brick Shithouse

00:20and my new friend, Joe Marla.

00:23You say friend, I'm getting paid, aren't I?

00:26Yeah, for sure. Just get out there and...

00:29Charlie, don't speak to the press. Bye, Mum, love you.

00:31Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, no.

00:33So James said he challenged somebody from the world of comedy or wrestling.

00:36This is clearly a very beautiful rugby player.

00:38Former.

00:39This is clearly a very beautiful former rugby player.

00:42Well, that's why you're wrong, Joe Lycett, because he is a comedian.

00:45I've been training him up.

00:46Yeah. Knock, knock. Who's there?

00:49Me, Joe Marla, and I'm going to knock Acaster's head off.

00:54Definitely.

00:55So without any further ado, entering the ring, representing Gamblers Anonymous,

01:04it's Joe the Scrum Lord, Marla!

01:10My God, he looks like Mumford & Sons and Mumford & Sons Security.

01:14And it looks like he's ate them all.

01:15And Mumford & Sons Dax, all in one, we can!

01:2095 cats for England, none of them fell in his head.

01:24It's Joe Marla!

01:25Wowie!

01:26What's up, brother?

01:27Look to you, sir.

01:28That's good.

01:29Please be gentle with young James.

01:31Hey, Joe.

01:33Is he a baddie?

01:34He is a baddie, isn't he?

01:35Because he's in the Gamblers.

01:37I think we're morality neutral at this point.

01:39Are we?

01:39People are neither good nor bad.

01:40Hello, Joe.

01:41Wow.

01:42Wow, look at this.

01:44Great reaction for him, gotta say.

01:46Absolutely huge reaction.

01:47Joe, how are you feeling about taking an A-Caster?

01:51Where is he?

01:52Stay on your feet, people of the Apollo.

01:54And welcome to the stage his opponent,

01:57James A-Caster!

02:01Here he comes.

02:03Swaggering out.

02:05He's wrestled five times and been KO'd every single time.

02:09You're all eats, repeat, take your rice.

02:14Over, over.

02:15He gets bread out the toaster with a kitchen knife.

02:19Over, over.

02:20He hasn't blinked in 11 years.

02:24Over, over.

02:25He leans back onto the legs of a chair when he sits.

02:30He's invincible!

02:31A, like an aeroplane across the sky.

02:34C, like a catapult across the sky.

02:37A, like an acrobat across the sky.

02:39S, like a spaceship across the sky.

02:42T, pterodactyl across the sky.

02:44E, like an A-mu across the sky.

02:47R, like a rainbow across the sky.

02:50Jimmy Caster, flying so high.

02:52He likes all the others every day.

02:55This is the best of all.

02:57He doesn't Ikea furniture without instructions perfectly.

03:01It's invincible!

03:02He uses the same possible ever again.

03:06It's invincible!

03:07The answers close before the firm has even read.

03:11It's invincible!

03:12He's never gonna drop from the top spot.

03:15If you think you can stop him, you are not clever.

03:17He's gonna fly to the sky tonight and stay there every day tonight, forever.

03:22He's conscious of his ability.

03:25He's conscious of his supremacy.

03:27He's conscious of his inability.

03:30He's conscious of his inability.

03:30I'm conscious!

03:33A, cause he's always alert.

03:35C, consistently alert.

03:38A, alert him, he's surrounded.

03:41S, so, so, so, so, over.

03:44D, don't you wanna break your legs?

03:46E, everybody now has to watch his area.

03:50R, routine.

03:54E, cast a backflip.

03:57Straddling the earth into a rushing clock.

04:00Is he good?

04:00Is he okay?

04:02Crossback 7, is he unconscious?

04:04Look dead.

04:04Dead?

04:05Double, double me, Hank.

04:06I've seen unconscious people, he looks dead, beat the hammock, and he lands in the room.

04:14I've not.

04:15He seems to be absolutely unconscious.

04:20That was a real shock to the system, in spite of the fact that it's happened again.

04:26Like a Stuart Lee joke, no matter how many times you repeat it, it's still funny.

04:32Come on, Gene!

04:33There's the dancers.

04:34Scurry out.

04:35There's the three counts.

04:36It's a three counts.

04:37And Marla takes the win.

04:38And a cast a knocked out yet again.

04:41Give it up for your winner, I suppose.

04:43It's Joe the Scrum Lord Marla.

04:48And a cast has taken one to the chop.

04:50Interesting to note that the foot was on the rope.

04:52The foot was on the rope.

04:54The foot was on the rope.

04:56What does that mean?

04:57It was in the air, originally.

04:58Oh, my goodness, Marla's down the end.

05:00The referee is running away like a coward from Joe Marla.

05:04Joe Marlon I don't blame him to say this is the angriest man I've ever seen with

05:08overalls

05:13this is it this is a dark day a pastor has not been marked like this since the

05:20fifth comedy award nomination my mother left on his own on stage

05:29a castor in the intro sections the tray comes out of nowhere straight to the

05:33face and a caster is down and then hoisted it's the oldest saying in the

05:37book never trust a man wearing overalls because it could be hiding a concealed

05:41pan I don't want any Joe could you take us through what's just happened a lot of

05:46people in this in this room have quite a sort of dangerous parasocial investment

05:50in James a castor you've just made a lot of very vulnerable enemies I understand I

05:59mean he is a pleasant fellow but he got what was coming to him all right and you

06:07know pleasant as he is he actually is quite mean to a lot of fellow comics on

06:11his podcast so enjoying that a lot in the wings to be fair make some noise for Joe

06:19the Scrumble on fire

06:27great miss Sarah how did you feel about what we've just seen well after his

06:33bake-off appearance that's the second worst thing that's happened to a castor

06:35with a baking tray got hit in the face bon appetit

06:46the next four specials are gonna be sad do you want to take me through what

06:53you've just seen he took my trip without permission

06:57he's a bully he's a bully he's not a fighter I think with the best one in the

07:02world mark Joe the Scrum Lord Marlowe doesn't give a shit about your tray

07:05great Sarah where did the baking tray come from was it yours mark yeah you took my

07:12team without why did you bring it in you try with you

07:15why did you bring it in we've given you a bell I play mark I will say if you have any

07:21further objections we'd love to hear them but we'd love you to speak them into a

07:25microphone I thought when I when I took this position I thought it's a serious

07:33position I will do the timekeeping but it's just a ceremonial position

07:40what time I don't think he's got a watch on to be fair when I took this position I

07:47was having a late lunch with my parents and I was told that Adam Hills was

07:51shitting out of his ass I thought to be honest it'd have put up a bit more of a

08:05fight and it should have lasted a bit longer I was enjoying myself too much I'll

08:18take the win all day till the rematch I'm sure he'll want a rematch and I'll take

08:23him on then

08:25and now without any further ado it's time for our third match of the evening

08:30by July said aka the CEO cannot be here in person as I'm currently being measured up

08:41for a suit of armor there shall be a spectacular tech team tornado nine

08:50different teams doing better for my amusement and possibly arousal Joe likes

08:56it wants hot pods so hot pods is what he is going to get guess what clash of the

09:01comics I'm Anya Slamya Magliano and I swing both ways it's me

09:06Rosemata fail aka Rosemata slayer I punch up left right but never down

09:12gamblers our opponents are going to get publicly schools and you better believe

09:19that's something we know a lot about I don't know what this is hi ringfluencer

09:26here we are with the originators of clash of the comics we are Oleska and

09:32Gonzales and at this point we are old guys I've been hitting the gym

09:40daddy I met this guy Simon Miller the biggest strongest boy I've ever seen in

09:51my whole life my glasses you need my no nice

10:05the tag team tornado nine teams will enter at timed intervals and they will

10:10compete until all but one team has been eliminated so entering the ring first

10:15sponsored by the energy diet the feminist energy drink for feminist children who want

10:21to lose weight please welcome the team of the ring fluency Abby Clark and Adam

10:26Max dead aka hashtag please visit Dubai

10:31the ring with the ring today

10:33name and mom

10:34from the ring

10:35name and dad

10:36from the ring

10:37it was said that their relationship was on the rocks but it appears that Christian Dubai

10:39has fixed it all

10:43what's this now

10:45It was said that their relationship was on the rocks, but it appears that a Christian Dubai has fixed it all.

10:58What's this now?

11:01Surely not.

11:04What we are watching here is a satire on greed.

11:08My whole life has been a satire on greed.

11:11Surely not. It's a baby reveal live at the Apollo.

11:17Here comes the baby.

11:19Oh, I see. I like baby. That'll win the crowd round. Everyone loves babies.

11:23I suppose it's a case of does he want the baby, perhaps?

11:27This could be the gender reveal.

11:30Photos have been taken. Photos are more important than lived experience.

11:33Oh, the baby's been punted into the crowd!

11:37The baby has actually travelled disappointingly close to the stage.

11:40He's a wrestler, he's not a rugby player, and there was not a lot of depth on that punt.

11:48And without any further ado, please welcome their opponents.

11:52The team of Sarah Little Keys, Keyworth and Simon Miller, a.k.a. The Big Strong Ball!

12:10The Big Strong Ball!

12:46I think we now understand where the crowd's allegiance is.

12:55I just want to double check because he's going to take his top off.

12:58I don't think this is fair.

13:01Some people are just more attractive than other people.

13:03We should be celebrating it.

13:06Other people have good personalities.

13:09Let's all go round this way.

13:13Let's go, guys.

13:14Guys, what?

13:15No control.

13:15We're on here at Clash of Comics.

13:17It's a double butt punch from the bad guys.

13:23Oh, that was a spectacular bit of movement.

13:26Double take down from Lil' Key's key worker, Simon Miller.

13:37It's a super round.

13:39Whoa.

13:40Oh, a double second.

13:42It's a triple.

13:43It's a quadruple.

13:45You have to say the influencers are doing nothing for the idea that that demographic of people is not very smart.

13:50Oh, huge double team effort there.

13:58Oh, huge double team effort there.

13:59The pin.

13:59One, two.

14:00Oh, lovely press slam there.

14:02Yeah, but there's a weapon there.

14:04Are you allowed to throw people like weapons?

14:05You can do whatever you want, whenever you want.

14:08Come on.

14:09Get back in.

14:10Useful tactic there, pointed out by Sarah.

14:12Oh, the influencers are falling out.

14:14There's a bit of business.

14:15This means the next team are coming in.

14:21Coming up, two teams have braved the tornado.

14:25This is horrible to watch.

14:27But seven more are still waiting to be unleashed.

14:30This is horrible to watch.

14:31This is horrible to watch.

14:32This is horrible to watch.

14:33This is horrible to watch.

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14:36This is horrible to watch.

14:37This is horrible to watch.

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14:39This is horrible to watch.

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14:50This is horrible to watch.

14:51This is horrible to watch.

14:52This is horrible to watch.

14:53This is horrible to watch.

14:54This is horrible to watch.

14:55This is horrible to watch.

14:56This is horrible to watch.

Clash of the Comics Season 1 Episode 3

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