- 14 hours ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Straight into big demos behind
00:14I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Bloody how we need to fucking go to work. Povos losing to Povos. I know. I know. I'm sorry
00:23I'm sorry. I have nothing. I'll see you later
00:30Oh, my God. Pings the rope down and jumps on Big Daniel. Takes him down. Yes. Fantastic. And inside the ring the action continues. They're all kicking him. Come on the bad guys. They're all kicking him. Oh my goodness. That is incredible. What a move. The tornado DDT. The villains are taking a real pasting here. It's three on one outside the ring. And the cannonball up against the turnbuckle in the ring things are hot enough and outside people are just sitting on each other.
01:00What's going on at the front of the stage looks alarmingly like some fan fiction I read about Greg Davis. They're holding Big Demo down like he's a dangerous dog. Oh no. Oh no. This is not going to end well. Psychonica. Oh. Oh. Right out of the top rope. So you can be smaller. It's about how you use your energy. She used the momentum there. She got a whole man out of the ring. Oh boy.
01:30Psychonica looking like she's going to go Ariel. Top rope. Top rope. Here we go. Big Demo. And that's why you don't give women a glass ceiling. Wowzers. Psychonica lighting up Bambas with Apollo. Okay. We're going to get to see that again. Oh. Double flip.
02:00We're going to get into the turnbuckle. So is it all the same match? Or is this a different kind of match? We're in the same match. We're in the same match. It's a Royal Rumble. For legal reasons nothing like a Royal Rumble. For legal reasons. It is a. Psychonica going Ariel again. She misses it. But she recovers. Oh. That's been taken down. A flying headbutt. Oh no. She's not looking good down there. The torpedo headbutt.
02:30Oh. There's a cover. Two. Three. The cover. Incredible. Slav Cornica have been eliminated. No. It's a fantastic move this. This is an incredible thing. Just pile driver to the top of the head and respectfully returning the mask to her face. And it's definitely trying to revive her partner. What an exciting turn of events.
02:59in the event that we for legal reasons are referring to as the regal roughabout. Time for another team. One. One. Two. Three. Four. Are you leaving? Entering the ring now the single ladies. Amy Denham and Harriet Kemsley. Here they come. Huge fan favourites here in Hammersmith. The single ladies are in our area. They look very happy.
03:29but I'm not entirely sure they're going to be that happy when they see what's in the ring waiting for them. Well. I think they can charm their way out of it. They are single ladies. They can find their way out of anything. Also Harriet's dyspraxics. She gets hit them accidentally which is trying to avoid them. Always. Harriet and Amy. They started a whole podcast of mean men. I don't think this is what they had in mind. They've had worse.
03:59Whoo! The single ladies are ready. Yes! What happens now? Well, I will say it looks like they've turned up for what they think is a double date.
04:10LAUGHTER It's a little standoff here.
04:18William and Harriet just... Yes. ..the opposition. This is intelligent. They're going to confuse them first.
04:24And then squash their heads between their thighs.
04:28This is sexual harassment the funny way round.
04:34Harriet? Yeah? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
04:37Yeah, they're well fit. No, no.
04:41No, I don't think this tit-tap's going to hold.
04:45LAUGHTER
04:46No. No, I think they're really big and scary.
04:48They're quite scary and big.
04:50Rex?
04:52Is it true that if we ping someone in this ring, they're eliminated?
04:57I mean, I guess.
04:58We're quite new to it. We're just trying to meet our boyfriends.
05:02But, OK, right.
05:05Why don't we pin each other and then we can get out of here?
05:07OK, yeah, let's do that.
05:09LAUGHTER
05:10Let's do that. That's OK.
05:11OK.
05:12That's what I just said.
05:13Who's going to pin who?
05:14Rock, paper, scissors.
05:16One, two, three...
05:18Double paper always wins.
05:21LAUGHTER
05:23You get down slowly.
05:24Careful, you know about your knees.
05:27LAUGHTER
05:28Get flammy.
05:29You're all right, get down.
05:30Obviously, you're doing the splits, Amy.
05:32OK.
05:33So, you...
05:34I'm going to pin you, OK?
05:36LAUGHTER
05:37There's...
05:39Another cover.
05:40Two...
05:41Three...
05:42And a pencil.
05:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:45They are eliminated.
05:46They have eliminated themselves out of the competition.
05:49Goodness me.
05:50That was...
05:51That was like watching a Russian election.
05:52Easy.
05:55Sometimes a guy just won't do it for you.
05:57You do have to do it yourself.
05:58Who can stand in
05:59after such a noble sacrifice?
06:05Entering the ring next...
06:06The creators of Clash of the Comics!
06:09Hey!
06:10This is exciting.
06:11Max Voltage Oleska
06:13and Ivan Wattage-Gonzalez
06:17Look at the crowd.
06:18A.K.A.
06:19The OG!
06:21Cheers!
06:24None of us would be here without them.
06:25I very much be in bed
06:27and I don't want to be there.
06:32Whoa!
06:33These are the founders of the Clash of the Comics.
06:35It started as the Wrestling at Edinburgh Fringe Show.
06:37And like everything that starts in Edinburgh,
06:39it's quickly got out of hand
06:41but still managing to be largely unprofitable.
06:44This is exciting to see the two founders of the wrestling together.
06:50I wonder what they're saying.
06:51Can you hear what they're saying to each other?
06:53They're demanding more noise from the crowd.
06:54Oh, right.
06:55Yeah, absolutely.
06:56Getting in.
06:57As they should.
06:58If An's gone in without Max.
06:59Going straight in.
07:03Oh, if An's gone straight in.
07:04That will be unwise.
07:05An's crazy.
07:06Oh!
07:11Oh!
07:13He's throwing himself against a wall of men.
07:16Oh, and he's going out!
07:18And takes him out!
07:20Yes!
07:22King for the backs!
07:24Ooh!
07:26You think you'd get a grip on the back of Harry?
07:30I think Max just slits down his back.
07:33There was, I will say this,
07:35quite a lot of bottles of baby oil backstage.
07:38He looked like a party round at Diddy's house.
07:41Oh, shit!
07:43Oh!
07:45Max and Ivan cleaning house.
07:47Can they take down Damo?
07:48Damo's roaring!
07:49But he's slow!
07:50Oh!
07:51The old double legs back to get that!
07:53Max is actually the UK's youngest professional wrestler.
07:56And that was a trademark move!
07:59Oh, that is incredible!
08:01Yes!
08:02The crowd are going absolutely hog wild for these two!
08:06Look at this.
08:07It's always a pleasure to see Max do his trademark move.
08:10Yeah, the handspring back elbow from Max!
08:20Absolutely incredible!
08:22Max just wants the UK's youngest professional wrestler.
08:26Ivan is officially its oldest professional wrestler.
08:29Yeah, they're going backstage.
08:30Oh, they're going backstage.
08:31They're going backstage.
08:32He's getting out of hand.
08:33The referee's on his own.
08:34Going in front of them, mate.
08:35The regal roughabout has gone al fresco.
08:36This referee is dog shit.
08:37I'll say it.
08:38Well, the fighters got backstage and we have another team about to enter the room.
08:51It's a huge moment in the course of the night.
08:52It's one of the oldest and boldest in this competition.
09:01Are you ready?
09:02Are you ready, people of the Apollo?
09:04Are you ready for the Prince of Mumbai?
09:09Survival!
09:11I make my own announcement!
09:15Oh my gosh, that is doing his stuff, Mish.
09:18Representing Gamblers Anonymous, the Prince of Mumbai, Rishi Ghosh and the mighty Bullet!
09:31Boo!
09:32Boo!
09:33Boo!
09:34Boo!
09:35Boo!
09:36Boo!
09:37As Ben say, absolutely zero love in the room for these guys.
09:39No.
09:40I am stood to acclaim one of the South Asian community's greatest sons.
09:48It's like the Piers Morgan of wrestling.
09:53Always being so contrary.
09:55The ultimate contrarian.
09:57We still can't find Bullet.
09:58Oh, here comes Bullet.
09:59My goodness me.
10:00That is one big dude.
10:03That's one big Bullet.
10:04That is a cannonball if ever I've seen one.
10:08He's moving deliberately slowly as if to troll the crowd.
10:11I will say that looks like one of the most vulnerable old men in here.
10:15Here he comes.
10:19He's looking at people.
10:20He's sizing up the crowd.
10:21Some people are shouting stuff at him.
10:23Yeah.
10:24One woman is just holding out her hands to try and touch his glistening torso.
10:28It is Matt.
10:29Good to see you my fellow bad guy.
10:31That is a scary stare.
10:34You've called me a prick.
10:37Yeah, he doesn't like it.
10:38Have you met him before?
10:39Wow.
10:40They've rejected your laugh.
10:41That's Bullet.
10:43When it looked at you, pointed at you and said,
10:45he said, bullet and then prick.
10:47I'll say this.
10:48He may well have seen me do comedy at any point.
10:50And that would explain what his reaction then.
10:52Little Keys will be tired as well.
10:55This is massive.
10:56It looks like an alternate reality, me and Ed Gamble.
10:59Go on, Sarah.
11:00Sarah Keyworth straight in and straight against the turnbuckle.
11:09Oh.
11:10Oh.
11:11Oh.
11:12Oh.
11:13Rishi.
11:14Headbutton.
11:15Headbutton.
11:16Boom.
11:17Boom.
11:18I'll go Rhino and Sarah Keyworth in the corner there.
11:20And a reversal from Sarah Keyworth.
11:21Oh.
11:22There you are.
11:23And some fans to see the chest of Rishi Ghosh.
11:26Oh.
11:27And an eye rake to Sarah Keyworth.
11:29Rishi Ghosh looks mad.
11:30I haven't seen an Asian man this angry since I told my dad I was going into comedy.
11:36Oh.
11:37Oh, Simon.
11:38So what's it like that's what we're in the-
11:41Oh.
11:42Sarah Keyworth out of nowhere.
11:43Yes.
11:44Sarah Keyworth must be about one hundredth of the size of bullets.
11:48Well, a mosquito can kill you with malaria.
11:51Let's watch.
11:52This is absolutely true.
11:53Lil Keys here in Michigan.
11:54Whoa.
11:55Look at that.
11:56They did some damage to their partner, but that surprised Keyworth was clearly willing to play.
12:01Oh, there's some fighting up on the balcony.
12:03Oh, no.
12:04Oh, no.
12:05Real fighting.
12:06What's happening?
12:07There's some fighting up top.
12:08Oh.
12:09There's lots of wrestling.
12:10The fighting has spilled into the dress circle.
12:12Oh, no.
12:13That's dangerous.
12:14What if someone falls off?
12:15This is-
12:16It's good.
12:17This is bad news for health and safety.
12:18It's been dangled.
12:19It's been dangled.
12:20It's been dangled like Michael Jackson's baby.
12:22Oh, look.
12:23There's Max.
12:24Oh, this is terrible news for everyone except for the dress circle.
12:29People who thought their tickets would entitle them to a bad view.
12:32And they go to the top.
12:36People are standing in the circle.
12:37Some people are just coming back with their drinks really nonplussed.
12:42I respect that.
12:43Yeah.
12:44There's a couple of people filming it on their phones.
12:46We've got fucking cameras.
12:47Oh, there's so much going on here.
12:54I really feel like my ADHD diagnosis is helping me observe what's going on here.
13:00Max and Ivan really not having a great time at the event that they've created.
13:04Oh, God.
13:05You'd think they've got a humiliation kick.
13:09Ivan desperately trying to steal someone's phone.
13:12The referee has got no control of the dress circle here.
13:15Well, we should have got no referees if we knew they were going to spread it out.
13:18Oh, that's a baddie.
13:19That's a baddie.
13:20That's a baddie.
13:21Bullets get down.
13:22Bullets get down.
13:23Bullets get down.
13:24The baddies are down.
13:25Richie's got a kick to the chest.
13:26Keyword and Simon Miller have got a burst of energy.
13:28This is phenomenal.
13:29What's Bullets going to do?
13:30You.
13:31You.
13:32He's saying you.
13:33And then...
13:34Oh, that's what he was going to do.
13:35He worth dodged.
13:36That was a heavy drop for Simon there.
13:41My goodness.
13:46Yeah, come on, Richie.
13:49Little Key's in trouble here.
13:50He's in trouble.
13:54That's a cover.
13:55One, two.
13:56Come on, Keyword.
13:58Elimination for the big strong boys.
14:01The big strong boys have been eliminated.
14:05Pullets send Simon out of the ring.
14:08Asians.
14:09Asians.
14:10Asians.
14:11Asians.
14:12Put you in a bit of a bite now, haven't I, white people in the Apollo?
14:14Asians.
14:15Asians.
14:16Asians.
14:17Coming up, the tag team tornado is reaching its final storm.
14:21It's down to the OGs, Max and Ivan, and four evil pros.
14:26Plus, Phil Wang versus Ed Gamble in the ultimate grudge match.
14:35You know, his whole team must be in trouble.
14:38There are two...
14:39Are you guys gonna have a key, Tim?
14:40The last one will be in trouble with Valada QVM.
14:42You've got a key.
14:44That's why we are here.
14:45Why is it named Samadhi?
14:46That's why...
14:47You've got it.
14:48But the two...
14:49Do...
14:50I have to use...
14:51The other one...
14:52You've got it.
14:53You've got it.
14:54Yeah, that's why...
14:55You've got it.
14:56You've got one pic.
14:57You've got it.
14:58You've got it.
14:59You've got it.
15:00You've got it.
15:01You've got it.
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