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Terra.Anatolia
  • 4 hours ago
Transcript
00:00This is the beginning of a gender war.
00:08It's a sign.
00:09I'm the doe.
00:10Sign there, and you're on a bus?
00:12Prue knows something.
00:13Okay, we'll go to the party, we'll find out what they know.
00:15If I win, you'll tell us who the...
00:18Is Kay Blanchett, Scott and Lyle.
00:20Both broke up with her.
00:21Wait, where's Barbara?
00:23Barbara! Barbara!
00:24I'm the doe.
00:25Not without your buck.
00:26Stretch, you have your doe?
00:27I'm doing this!
00:29For you!
00:31Come on.
00:57Come on.
00:59Get off.
01:00Get off.
01:17Officer Sheppard!
01:18So how often do you sleep at home, Bibi?
01:19Am I okay to call you Bibi?
01:20No.
01:21Hey, does my nose look infected to you?
01:36Oh, at least gross.
01:37You're processing a breakup, a social rejection.
01:39I get it.
01:40Anyway, back to the investigation.
01:41Kay Blanchett, the improver, not the Oscar winner.
01:42So, Prue said Kay was dumped spectacularly by both Lyle and Scott.
01:43So what I think we do is join the dramatic society.
01:44What I think we do is join the dramatic society,
01:45refriend her, get a confession.
01:46Also, a little birdie told me you used to dabble in youth theatre.
01:50Oh my god, why are you so fixated on my family?
01:51It's just what friends do.
01:52I wanna know everything about you.
01:53I wanna know everything about you.
01:54Your mama's right.
01:55You are a stalker.
01:56Oh my god, why are you so fixated on my family?
02:00It's just what friends do.
02:01I wanna know everything about you.
02:02Your mama's right.
02:03You are a stalker.
02:04I should go.
02:08I should go.
02:32The killer left the tip of a penis in our tip-off box late last night, and they also
02:38left this.
02:39Now, the med advisor said that unless it's reattached in the next 36 hours, then there's
02:42no point.
02:43So they were alive when it was removed?
02:45According to forensics, yeah, so time is of the essence.
02:48Now, I want some more information on this Donna Kebab person.
02:51There's no info to give, sir.
02:54Donna Janacic is a second-year law student, and the men on this campus are pulling a prank.
03:01I don't get it.
03:03Donna Kebab.
03:04Essentially, they're implying she's a quick fix at the end of the night and you might regret
03:08it in the morning.
03:09Yeah, it's bullshit, slut-shaming, and it doesn't make her a suspect.
03:11But she did sleep with the first two victims.
03:13Well, and at least 30 other men, if we're to believe the rappers, right?
03:17But it's probably hearsay, and I don't know whether we should be wasting our time on it.
03:20I can't do this.
03:21She could be a scorned lover.
03:23That gives us motive.
03:24Excuse me, there's a man bleeding to death.
03:26I know.
03:31Hey.
03:32Hi.
03:33Yeah, we can't stay for long.
03:38As the new doe, I have to support the team while they find Rory's replacement.
03:45Hopefully not another incel.
03:47Rory and I are so over.
03:51I just wanted to say that I am really sorry about last night.
03:58Barbara, you don't have to pay us off with gifts.
04:03Is that the Microskin Mineral Blush?
04:05What?
04:06The one you can only get in South Korea?
04:07Yes.
04:08Their team liked my content.
04:10I guess we're fine, but just, like, no more weird shit.
04:18Okay?
04:19No more weird shit.
04:21Okay.
04:22Well, we should go.
04:23All right, well, that's really cute.
04:25No, they're not.
04:26They're nasty.
04:27They're deadly.
04:28Bye.
04:29Okay, you go.
04:40Hi.
04:41I'd like to join your club.
04:42Oh, sorry, British.
04:43We're full.
04:44But you know what isn't?
04:45Our studio audience for tonight's sketch, Zoom-tacular.
04:47Elise.
04:48Bad news.
04:49She's at it again.
04:50I'm a Chrissy.
04:51What, you got one in your cubicle too?
04:52Yeah, you got a penis tip in your cubicle.
04:53What?
04:54Oh, this is bad.
04:55This is worse.
04:56Jenny knows.
04:57She's not that smart.
04:58Is she?
04:59Uh, ladies.
05:00After internal chats, we've managed to make room for one more.
05:01The bean-o.
05:02The what?
05:03Big name on Kenny.
05:04I'm a fan of the studio audience for tonight's sketch, Zoom-tacular.
05:05I'm a fan of the studio audience for tonight's sketch, Zoom-tacular.
05:06Elise.
05:07Bad news.
05:08She's at it again.
05:09I'm a Chrissy.
05:10What, you got one in your cubicle too?
05:11Yeah, you got a penis tip in your cubicle.
05:12What?
05:13Oh, this is bad.
05:14This is worse.
05:15Jenny knows.
05:16She's not that smart.
05:17Is she?
05:18Ladies.
05:19After internal chats, we've managed to make room for one more.
05:22The bean-o.
05:23The what?
05:24Big name on campus.
05:25I'm only in if Elise is too.
05:26No, he could have been talking about me.
05:28I wasn't, and your nose is bleeding.
05:33Thanks for getting me in.
05:35I can take it from here.
05:36The killer's at it again, and we have less than three hours to find her and take her to
05:40the cops before Jenny turns us in.
05:41I think we should stick together.
05:43Fine.
05:52Hello ladies, everybody.
05:56This is Barbara and her friend.
05:59Kay, you're all good if we give your scene to Barbarino.
06:01Of course.
06:03If she can play it with the gravitas it deserves.
06:06This will be you, Barbarino.
06:08Don't worry, I'll be your scene partner.
06:12We can take it wherever we want.
06:14Respect and consent are key.
06:15I'm not performing.
06:16Hey, don't stress.
06:19I'll be naked too, and I've done intimacy training.
06:22Yeah, cause that's the only way he'll ever get any.
06:24So, Babylonia, the rules of the group are simple.
06:30You've always got to say yes, and how about fuck no?
06:36You're Kay Blanchett.
06:40You're familiar with my oeuvre.
06:42Yes, I'm a big, big fan.
06:48You know, I'm always trying to get more girls involved.
06:51Boys won't let you?
06:53Oh, not at all.
06:54It's just that a lot of them don't have what it takes.
06:57They're pretty girls.
06:59No talent.
07:01You're giving quirk and main character.
07:05Do you get that a lot?
07:07No.
07:08Not ever.
07:10Wow.
07:11But I do feel the same way about you.
07:14Now, should we go rehearse and improv?
07:17You don't rehearse improv, but sure.
07:20Let's go kick around some ideas for the Zoomtacular.
07:23Come on.
07:25This way.
07:35I've done two one-woman shows.
07:44A-OK, an in-depth look at my mental health.
07:47And last week, 100K, an in-depth look at my gambling addiction.
07:53Both shows lasted eight hours.
07:56Wow.
07:57I think you're going to be the next Cate Blanchett.
08:01Or is Cate Blanchett going to be the first Cate Blanchett?
08:06Talents?
08:07Oh, um...
08:09I play the bagpipes.
08:11You are so cool, Elise.
08:13Am I?
08:15Most people think it's weird.
08:17The Sea Judds boys have always made a safe space for talented weirdos.
08:21So this club must take up a lot of your time.
08:25Do you ever get a chance to play sports?
08:29Or sleep?
08:31Or date?
08:32I had a breakup recently.
08:34Lyle.
08:35He died in the campus murders.
08:37Oh, I'm so sorry.
08:39And-and Scott?
08:41Did you know Scott just...
08:42Speaking of the murders...
08:44Would you believe we also dated?
08:46No.
08:47You've probably heard about our breakup itself.
08:50Well, it's kind of an urban legend.
08:53No.
08:54One day, he calls me onto the quad.
08:57He's made this...
08:58This honor guard with the football team.
09:00So I walk through it, assuming there's a proposal.
09:03Or at the very least, a dinner invite.
09:06He dumps me in front of everybody.
09:10I was furious.
09:12Oh!
09:13Now, Elise.
09:15I have the most brilliant idea for a dating sketch.
09:22No, I don't think you're right there.
09:23Oh, no, Kay.
09:24Yes.
09:25Kay, you have to stop peer pressuring this poor girl.
09:29Do you-you talk to yourself?
09:32I prefer dramatic aside.
09:45Rory!
09:48Why are you carrying around a mattress?
09:50It's a protest because...
09:51Did he tell you to do this?
09:52This is an effective form of protest.
09:54Sexual assault and murder affect both genders.
09:57All genders.
09:58Rory, this is a famous form of protest
10:00by female victims of sexual assault.
10:02It's meant to signify carrying the weight.
10:03There is a man out there without a dick.
10:05How about I do everybody a favor and cut yours off right now?
10:09Did you hear that?
10:12She's threatening me!
10:24Detective?
10:25Officer?
10:27So, what if this whole thing was a false flag?
10:31A man attempting to unite other men against women?
10:36Do you have any other evidence besides that footprint?
10:38No.
10:39Just a theory.
10:41Okay.
10:42Well, I still have a theory of my own.
10:45Look.
10:46This proves that she's affiliated with the Radfans.
10:48No, not this again, Shep.
10:50If we went off this kind of evidence,
10:51then we'd be arresting Donna Kebab
10:53based on 20 kebab wrappers, right?
10:55So, what is going on with you?
10:59I'm sorry.
11:00I've-I've just been here two years.
11:02I know these students.
11:05I will get it under control.
11:10All right.
11:11Yeah.
11:21Kill all men killer.
11:24The kill all men killer.
11:27What the fuck?
11:29What are you doing?
11:32We've got a date with Jenny in the art room in 10 minutes.
11:35Hurry back, Elise.
11:36I need to run you through some blocking.
11:39Okay, Kate.
11:40I've decided I'm not gonna confront Kay till after the show.
11:55I'm sorry.
11:56There's a man bleeding to death.
11:58Kay is lovely.
11:59I want to do the show with her.
12:01Yeah, first off, she's a major pygmy.
12:03She's not a pygmy.
12:05She's just a low-maintenance theater kid
12:07who prefers the company of men.
12:09I saw her scream, kill all men in the mirror.
12:11I'm pretty sure she's the penis cutter.
12:13Barbara, she can't be both.
12:15A pygmy doesn't kill men.
12:16She loves them.
12:17So, maybe you're wrong.
12:19Oh, wow.
12:21Lesbian socials would go crazy for this.
12:23Art girl lesbians who argue all day and murder all night.
12:29I finally worked out what the red dots mean.
12:32You killed them, then made love at the crime scene,
12:35then painted your pants with her blood.
12:39Not quite.
12:40Jenny, I gave you your money.
12:43Why are you still coming after us?
12:45I used it to pivot and expand.
12:47I now produce wearables.
12:49You didn't pay your student fees?
12:53Give a woman a fish and she eats for a day.
12:56Teach a woman to fish and she eat forever.
12:58Joe Biden.
12:59Our only problem is now we have 2,500 units to move.
13:04And why is that our problem?
13:05Because if you want to stop me taking these pants to the police,
13:09I'm going to need Barbara to tell her followers
13:11she's collabed with me on this.
13:13I'm not doing this.
13:14Yes, Barbara, you have to. You owe me.
13:16What?
13:17Leaving me alone last night.
13:18letting them pierce my nose, calling me a stalker.
13:20Am I wrong?
13:21Look at the way you're already fawning over Kay.
13:24I'm sorry, Elise, but I am not putting that on my body.
13:29That was hot.
13:31But Elsie, do you have the authority
13:33to negotiate a daily posting plan on behalf of Barbara?
13:36It's Elise.
13:37And... no.
13:41Drop the drip by midnight or I go to the police.
13:45You need to interrogate her properly.
13:58You need to announce the collab.
14:00When we hand Kay over, the collab won't matter.
14:02Fine. I hope you're right.
14:04Otherwise, at midnight, you're going to jail.
14:06Hey.
14:07Ah, there you are.
14:09I think this colour's going to look fab on you.
14:12What happened between you and Lyle?
14:13Oh.
14:14He broke up with me.
14:15And to be honest, I deserved it.
14:17I cheated on him a bunch of times.
14:19These sea jets parties can get frisky.
14:22And Scott?
14:23Did he's on a guard?
14:24It was so public.
14:25I wouldn't blame you if you...
14:26Darling, have you heard of a PR relationship?
14:29What?
14:30It's very common in the entertainment industry.
14:32I paid him to date me.
14:33And break up with me.
14:34It did wonders for our subscribers.
14:36I saw you say kill all men killer into the mirror.
14:40What was that?
14:41I'm sorry.
14:42Were you stalking me in my dressing room?
14:45Okay.
14:46We're about to go live.
14:48Elise.
14:49Come on.
14:53And your hot friends are at the door.
14:57So don't embarrass me.
15:04Come here.
15:05Come.
15:06What...
15:07What are you doing here?
15:10Oh, those little shits.
15:12That's why I'm here.
15:13People are always using my content to catfish.
15:16I'm just going to get them to take it down and then we should go get drinks.
15:18Yeah, but like if you did want to do the show, Babs, like that's okay.
15:21No.
15:22You can do...
15:23Yeah, like we fully support your social suicide, babe.
15:34Why won't you latch, goddammit?
15:36Nurse!
15:37Nurse!
15:38Can you show me her?
15:39Yeah, no worries.
15:40I can feel the milk flowing now.
15:43Oh!
15:44Oh!
15:45Oh!
15:46Oh!
15:47Oh!
15:52She sells seashells by the seashore.
16:20seashells by the seashore seashells seashells by the seashore amazing oh give me a hug
16:29you're gonna be so good
16:32break a leg i love you
16:50you really need to talk to you just let me have my moment
17:20tinder more like shunda
17:37okay i think we're in the middle of a live cancellation
18:07shit
18:14hello
18:36Oh, I am the kitchen gardener.
18:41I am so sorry, all the food has been poisoned.
18:49No, it wasn't the food.
18:51We died because she was ugly as fuck.
18:56I also happen to be single.
19:00This is for you, pretty lady.
19:02Stop trying to ruin our sketch.
19:03I thought you didn't want to be on stage.
19:06Hold on, you just meant to mime.
19:08I thought the rule was yes, fucking and.
19:14Okay, I get it, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead.
19:18Shall we go and get a drink somewhere else?
19:27Oh, oh, you are wondering where I got my wearables.
19:33Well, if you want flowers and you want to wear them too,
19:36then Jemmy's crochet garden is for you.
19:41Jemmy's crochet garden is for you.
19:51Thank you, Barbara.
19:54You were right.
19:54Kay can't be the killer and a pygmy.
19:57She's just a pygmy.
19:58She's just a pygmy.
19:59Also, she was performing every night of the murders for eight hours.
20:13Sorry, Elise.
20:14There's only space for one girl and see, Judd's.
20:16It's not a space, Kay.
20:18It's a cage.
20:19You might think it's benefiting you now,
20:21but it's putting you in sexist sketches
20:23and pitting you against other women.
20:29You're a scream.
20:30I don't think Kay minds the cage.
20:42I think she might have built it.
20:44Hmm.
20:45I shouldn't have left you at the party.
20:47Or called you a stalker.
20:49It's okay.
20:51I think your bad improv was enough of a gesture.
20:54I don't know.
20:59For you.
21:03Detective Roach.
21:05Oh, good evening, Commissioner.
21:16The investigation's going...
21:17Melbourne University have threatened to pull out of the Federation games,
21:21and we are hemorrhaging international students.
21:24Financially and optically,
21:27this is fucking me.
21:29So, yes.
21:31Why don't you tell me how the investigation's going?
21:36All right.
21:37Get up.
21:39We're making an arrest.
21:40Without fucking time.
21:51Oh, I've been removed from the group chat.
21:56I'm so sorry.
21:58Now I understand why being the doe meant so much to you.
22:02Yeah.
22:03When I was little, my mum left my dad,
22:06and she worked two jobs, but we never had much.
22:11And then one day, one of my videos went viral.
22:15Like, I felt so powerful.
22:23I just wanted to feel like that in real life.
22:26I don't even have a room here.
22:28No one knows that but you.
22:30Babe, money or no money, you are still so powerful.
22:33No, it's true.
22:36When I first met you, I was terrified.
22:37I had to drink three panic fizzes.
22:40Come on, it's blank.
22:41You lot, come on.
22:42So, um, I made this friend back in secondary school.
22:47Zoe is her name.
22:49My first friend ever.
22:51Until one day she decided to ditch me for the cool girls.
22:54And I wanted to know why.
22:56But she wouldn't return my texts, so...
22:59I followed her home.
23:03Doesn't seem that bad.
23:04Did, like, five or six times.
23:08Well, her parents then said I was harassing her.
23:10And that turned into a stalking charge.
23:14My own mom didn't back me up.
23:20I know that I can be, like, a bit full-on.
23:24You are.
23:26But I am very comfortable telling you to fuck off when it's too much.
23:32Over here!
23:33This way!
23:36Oh, shit.
23:38Oh, shit.
23:39Oh, shit.
23:39Oh, shit.
23:40Oh, shit.
23:40Oh, shit.
23:41Oh, shit.
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23:45Oh, shit.
23:46Oh, shit.
23:47Oh, shit.
23:47Oh, shit.
23:48Oh, shit.
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23:50Oh, shit.
23:51Oh, shit.
23:52Oh, shit.
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24:00Oh, shit.
24:01Oh, shit.
24:02Oh, shit.
24:03Oh, shit.
24:04Oh, shit.
24:05Oh, shit.
24:06Oh, shit.
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