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  • 4 hours ago
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00:00the investigation has been led by a detective who 15 years ago brought down the mckinnon crime
00:16family i didn't do it you fox they need a new buck and dough and we've heard that it's between
00:21you and rory and me and stretch the dough you took down my crochet garden post i'm going to
00:27tell the world the truth i've been seeing a female student in all the wrong places
00:32no no no get back get back we need to find this psycho we need to take her to jail and get our
00:37fucking lives back um i'm gonna finish up with my three favorite things about scott
00:49his knock-knock jokes
00:53his love of dogs
00:59and
01:02his kick
01:05seriously that guy has the best torpedo bomb in the league had had the best torpedo bomb in the league
01:12we love you rory love you rory
01:15love you rory
01:16come on rory you can do it
01:17you got this
01:18oh maybe
01:20oh look i know that they're looking to replace you as captain mate but i'm not sure that they ever
01:24could and
01:25i miss you
01:28cheers for that rory hartfeld stuff
01:35maybe at the uh say stephen's bagpiper
01:37scott
01:38was a big loss to the uni
01:40but we can't forget about lyle
01:42he wouldn't have wanted his death to be in vain
01:45no no we are here
01:47because of the feminists
01:49this is the feminist agenda at play
01:51saying goodbye
01:52it's true two men castrated
01:55and killed
01:56and there will be more
01:58boys
01:58i know this is difficult
02:01and your emotions are legitimate
02:03but i must reiterate
02:05despite these two tragic deaths
02:08there is not a serial killer on campus
02:11bullshit
02:13we are making great strides forward
02:16in fact our stellar policing team have just retrieved an image of our killer from campus cctv
02:23we are looking for information regarding anyone owning this bracelet
02:29what
02:31the police have set up a hotline
02:36hotline
02:38what's a hotline
02:40any information
02:42the only hotline i want is from drop
02:44we are still getting caught
02:45we are still getting caught
02:46piper
02:47piper
02:48come on
02:49come on
02:50come on
02:51come on
02:53hatır
03:02go
03:03go
03:03yes
03:16yes you should say go for barbara you have about 10 seconds before i take the batteries out
03:28you still have that bracelet right
03:30i have no idea where it is
03:35okay it's not like they can link it back to you right well it has my name spelled out
03:44in beads at least where should we start should i start in in the court it's been picked over by
03:49cops a million times if they could find it they would have found it by now okay fine i'll check
03:53the swamp bar i'll go to the art rooms i'll meet you there when we're done copy that over and
04:00babe you did so good today scott would have loved your speech i was glad you could make it this time
04:09i'm sorry i know i'm sorry i missed the kick it's really poor form babs thanks debbie
04:19okay um we we are gonna go to that thing and you guys can sort this out come on let's go
04:26take me 17 attempts barbara because you weren't there you're right i'm i'm sorry i haven't been
04:38there for you okay how do i make this right i'm just really sad babe
04:43okay well every time you're sad you send me one of your maa videos
04:54mma it's mixed martial arts
04:58i would like that thank you okay should we do lunch by the river that sounds amazing um
05:06okay i just have to go first bye detective roach i don't think i need to remind you it's just an
05:11initial wave of withdrawals the boys will calm down am i being hysterical am i is that what you're
05:19implying vice chancellor this is officer shepherd who officer shepherd i've been the student police
05:27liaison for the past two years detective roach i've sent you my panic action plan if you can't follow it
05:34then i think we should jump on a joint call with the commissioner understood yep jeremy switch this
05:40stupid thing off that went well i haven't seen her this invested since they restored all the gargoyles
05:50so she's organized an after hours bus extra security detail and self-defense classes for the boys
05:58you know those are all measures i've recommended for the women for two years
06:01mm-hmm can they at least come to class i guess we can figure that out because we are now key
06:06facilitators of the action plan
06:12what do you think oh nothing why do you have so many clothes in here have you checked your bag
06:33why would it be in my bag why are there so many cans they're good for panic attacks
06:43god those murders are killing me and i have to keep a very needy roy happy if i'm to be the dough
06:48wait aren't you already nominated the park picks his dough if we aren't together it can't be me
06:53oh well just so you know you're taking this really well considering it's literally you on the news
06:59lucky they can't make out your name for now
07:06oh are you okay i think i'm having a panic attack wait what do you mean you think well i i've never
07:11had one before at least look look it's okay all we need to do is find the killer and none of this
07:16bracelet stuff even matters you should have a panic fizz okay
07:21oh so the men's rights boys posted an illegal photo of the second murder
07:29i thought we could compare the crime scene look for differences
07:34well their art sucks compared to ours it's ott and gross yeah and they've emasculated the body
07:39in a really childish way it's a 12c full cup maroon whoa it's a gift and as we know it took place
07:48in the women's therapy room but there was no sign of forced entry so we're looking for a feminist
07:53with keys to the therapy room who also fits a 12c
07:57you know it's club day lucky for us all the feminists will be in one room
08:02wow who knew this university had such a rich tapestry of political women remember we're here
08:12to find the killer not for you to make a friend okay you go find the keys i'll see who fits the car
08:19okay
08:33yes
08:45Girls, girls, girls, girls
08:47We don't care, it's a girl's, girl's world
08:57Love your beauty, it's a girl's, girl's world
09:00We need you, baby
09:02It's a girl's, girl's world
09:03We don't care, it's a girl's, girl's world
09:07Oh, I'm so sorry, I have no idea how that got there
09:11Hi
09:13Hi
09:14We are the uni's first independent society for online adult models
09:21Don't watch a lot of porn, huh?
09:24Oh, yeah, so much, um, I'm a real porn, porn, monsieur
09:29Do you girls ever use the women's therapy room?
09:33Sometimes, um, do you want to join us?
09:35We're actually looking for a third, for everything, every whole, all at once
09:39We don't care, it's a girl's, girl's
09:42the two victims. Scott being such a Lothario... Rapist. I was trying to be PC, but yeah,
09:51I'm wondering whether Lyle had had a similar record. Hmm. No. Never had any complaints
10:00across my desk. They couldn't be more different. An alpha jock and a beta MRA. They're at opposite
10:10ends of the manosphere. Well, we know who hates the manosphere. Feminists. Well, we've already
10:16got the leading radfem in holding, which is where she was when the second murder occurred. Yeah,
10:21and the lawyer's gonna have her out of there by noon. We need to expand our search. So what?
10:25Round all the feminists up and put them in a pen. Is that an option? No. No. Oh, you've got text?
10:33Fighter height comparisons? Ignore it. If we're looking for the obvious murderers, we should
10:38probably start with the people with all the knives. Yeah, well, they do have a key and
10:41one of them is the cup size, but then there's also the, uh, Bronte brunette and one of the,
10:47um, sex... cameras. Okay, so we have three suspects. Daddy's home!
10:59Shit, did you know she was out? Getting her from jail? We should get out of here before
11:10she recognizes us. Okay. Maybe it's a good sign. If Prue did remember, she'd have told the
11:20cops. Make her here instead, right? Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! All cops are bastards! Yay!
11:31Want one of these? Yeah. Thanks. Right.
11:36Hi. It's Barbara, right? Uh, so how do you... Oh, I'm a big fan of your socials. I am wondering
11:51why you're here. You know, fourth wave feminism, women who code. It's not really your scene, is
11:58it? I'm sure a lot of women are wondering why a cop is here, officer...
12:02Shepard. Oh, you know, that reminds me. You don't happen to own one of these, do you?
12:11Ooh. I mean, gosh, I get sent so much promo shit. If I have a surplus, I could try to hook
12:18you up. Hey, Shep, you all right? I should've printed more. I'm sorry.
12:24It looks like your boss needs you. How's Maya? Maya.
12:41Barbara. Barbara. Barbara, I was waiting by the river. Can we talk about this later?
12:46No. I'm sad and I want to hang now. Can you stop being so dramatic?
12:50Are you fucking kidding me? Hey, how about limiting the male aggression in the room?
12:56Seriously, Rory, just go.
12:59Two men are dead. Do any of you know what it's like to lose a friend to a monster? To walk
13:14around campus at night and not feel safe? Or to carry a whistle in case you're attacked
13:20like that's ever going to help.
13:25Are you serious? Fuck off, asshole.
13:30Oh, righto. Come on, mate. This is not a safe space for you.
13:35A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup!
13:50A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup!
13:54A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup! A-Cup!
13:57Oh, ah! Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. That's probably not what you needed.
14:03Ray hates me. That cop's onto me.
14:06And whatever we're doing here is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done.
14:09Thanks a lot, Elise.
14:17If you're feeling lonely at midnight,
14:19tonight you could come and join us in the woods it's a full moon tonight am i cleansing the campus
14:25of impurities um i can't tonight but i wish you every success
14:38hey you left yourself wide open there dory boys you should be at attention we're in the presence
14:43a legend yeah yeah right this is rory yes hello rory got his picnic with him why do you have a picnic
14:51sorry all right yeah the vc said you'd be attending here i would love you to put this on
15:05and give the boys a more comparable assailants i can do that no no no no no
15:09when are the women joining us what the women they should be invited to self-defense class too
15:24all right boys we're gonna get into pairs it's two so one plus another one yep
15:32hey girls um is rory here no babe he's been looking for you for like hours
15:37seems really pissed yeah it's just like not good for the dome babs
15:40yeah thanks debbie okay well if you see him can you please tell him i've called
15:44what oh my god what is going on i don't know go baby yes
15:53i'm gonna kill you can she say that she can say whatever she wants mate she's here to kill you
16:07yeah that's it that's enough that was dreadful all right roaring jerry you two are up the rest of
16:15you let's get in the pairs find a mat come on in you get let's see if you can do any better boys come
16:21come on then chadzilla
16:51oh
17:05oh
17:11I miss Scott, I miss Lyle, I don't know what to do.
17:29Why are we being taught to defend ourselves when they should be, when they should be
17:37teaching women not to kill us? You know what I'm saying is true. Your friend was killed by a feminist.
17:48Let's stop all this bullshit and let's send a message.
18:07So this morning Barbara opened up and said that she needed me to help her with her portion of our special art project.
18:18But now she's pulled away and I don't really know what to do.
18:21Sometimes people just need a bit of space.
18:24Have you made any other friends?
18:26You used all my soap.
18:28I'm sorry, I've got lots of friends mum.
18:32No you don't.
18:38The thing is we've actually really bonded and I think I'd be a bad friend if I just left her alone.
18:46Elise, I'm only going to ask you this once.
18:50Are you sure Barbara wants to be friends?
18:58I'm going to go.
18:59No no darling, I'm sorry.
19:00I'm sorry.
19:15No, please don't. Get away from me.
19:18Get back here!
19:28Get back here!
19:42Nice.
19:49Barbara, go for Elise.
19:52Over.
19:54It's the Wiccans.
19:56In the woods.
19:57Right now.
19:58Bring help.
20:02The Wiccans.
20:04Are cleansing the campers.
20:07I need a weapon.
20:11Hey, that's my toaster.
20:14I promise I can be gone.
20:18Elise.
20:23Elise.
20:24Elise.
20:28Barbara for Elise.
20:29I mean, Elise for Barbara.
20:32Don't worry.
20:33I'm coming.
20:34Over.
20:36I'm at the clearing near the big tree.
20:38Don't worry.
20:48Please, don't hurt me.
20:53I'm captain of the football team.
20:56Somebody help me!
20:58Look.
21:05Elise, where are you?
21:09Mother!
21:16It's true!
21:17Who the hell was that?
21:18Who the hell was that?
21:19What the hell is that?
21:20You're like shaking.
21:23I can't.
21:25I can't.
21:27I can't.
21:28It's true.
21:29I can't.
21:31Yay.
21:32I can't.
21:33I can't.
21:39Thank you so much.
21:41What the fuck?
21:43What are you doing?
21:44What the hell are you doing?
21:45We're making porn.
21:47Porn?
21:48Of the murders?
21:49It's only been a week.
21:50Well, hey, Prude, the internet wants what the internet wants.
21:52Yeah, you're right.
21:53I don't know much about this stuff, but I don't know bad tastes when I see it.
21:57Hey, ladies, I'm starting to go soft.
21:59Oh, shut the fuck up, Andy.
22:00Shut the fuck up, Andy.
22:01I just, I thought you were the killers.
22:03You have knives and C-cups and keys to the women's therapy room.
22:07The women's therapy room?
22:09Yeah.
22:10Oh, my God.
22:11It hasn't worked for months yet.
22:13You just opened the door, idiots.
22:21It's a big toaster.
22:22I don't see the issue you said bring out.
22:25I meant the police.
22:30So that's what they meant by cleansing the campus.
22:33I guess we're back to square one.
22:36Well, on the bright side, I've never had a friend defend me with a toaster before.
22:40It was a new experience.
22:44Friend.
22:53All right, people, let's back away.
22:57What were you saying about the boys calming down?
22:59Not now.
23:00Okay, everyone moves.
23:01Get back away.
23:02All of you.
23:03Get moving.
23:04No further.
23:05Come on.
23:06Get back.
23:07Keep going.
23:08Back away.
23:09All right, that's enough.
23:10Thanks, guys.
23:11Thanks, guys.
23:12Thanks, guys.
23:13Thanks, guys.
23:14Thanks, guys.
23:15Thanks, guys.
23:16Thanks, guys.
23:17Thanks, guys.
23:18Thanks, guys.
23:19Everyone, there are going to sweat more.
23:20There are.
23:21All of them.
23:22All right.
23:23One.
23:24The teachers?
23:25Yep.
23:26I guess she remembers us then.
23:41It's a super one, don't you know your supervision?
23:55Make-believe in that is how I kiss your mission
24:02But you're nobody's savior
24:11Let's go
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