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00:00Oh.
00:01It's a lot of old pants.
00:03Oh, yes.
00:04And when we say we have some pants,
00:06I've got older pants older than you.
00:09That's attractive, darling.
00:10Those are a no.
00:11You're not taking pants out.
00:13These are a no.
00:15They look wider at the bottom
00:17than they are at the top.
00:19Did I have a very big arse, then?
00:21Must have done.
00:22I mean, these...
00:23Oh, what's happened to those?
00:25Oh.
00:26That's a no.
00:27That must have been an accident.
00:28Been of some sort.
00:30Yes!
00:33Ooh.
00:34Happy days.
00:35Oh, Daniella, I like this.
00:36He's gone and done and did it.
00:38I don't trust him because he's teetotal.
00:39Oh, no.
00:40No.
00:41Cryptic that in there.
00:42Convoluted that.
00:43Oh.
00:44Oh, no, no.
00:45What a waste of a muffin.
00:47Oh.
00:48Oh.
00:49What's that?
00:50Unacceptable.
00:51Yeah.
00:52Oh.
00:53Nah, nah, nah.
00:54What the hell?
00:55Is that it?
00:56It's not much evidence of man boob.
00:58It's a tough day to be a fish.
01:00Oh.
01:01Oh, no.
01:02Oh, he's a badger.
01:03He is.
01:04He's a badger.
01:05Oh, man.
01:06He's got one in and one out.
01:07It's the kind of trash I adore.
01:09Was that good for you or was it was for me?
01:11In the week we bid a fond farewell to naughty novelist Dame Julie Cooper, we enjoyed lots
01:18of great telly.
01:20More people were matching through a wall on Netflix.
01:24I love you.
01:25I love you too.
01:26I just think it's so crazy how much I love you already.
01:30Yeah.
01:31You do have to have a bit of a sexual attraction to somebody.
01:34I mean, I don't know what our sexual attraction was to each other, but there has to be something
01:39there.
01:40It's a desperation.
01:41No.
01:42I was pretty desperate.
01:51The twists and turns on the cobbles were catching up with the Websters on ITV1.
01:56I know how you feel, but this is important to me.
01:58Important enough to kill the vibe.
02:00Look, we've got to show the boys that me and Abby can still be friends regardless.
02:05Kevin was always punching with Abby, though.
02:08I never understood that couple.
02:09I know Kevin has got a raw animal magnetism to him, but that was when he had his moustache
02:15years ago.
02:16He is handsome, isn't he?
02:17He was.
02:18Yeah, that moustache and the overalls.
02:20Not one car got fixed.
02:21Not one.
02:22But many women did.
02:23Yeah.
02:24And they all kicked off in the thrilling conclusion of the girlfriend on Prime Video.
02:30What did you tell him?
02:33He knows everything, Cherry.
02:35He's leaving you.
02:37You should just go home and see for yourself.
02:39He's packed his bags and he doesn't want to spend another moment with you.
02:42Drop the axe, Laura.
02:43Over-possessive mothers who regard the girlfriend as that woman are a danger to their sons, Mary.
02:51Don't forget you sent me to a psychotherapist, so I talked a lot of these ideas through.
02:55But your mother wasn't over-possessive, was she?
02:58Well, I like to think I was the centre of a tug of love.
03:01But in fact, neither of you like me that much.
03:04In the end, that's what we analysed.
03:06In North London.
03:15Amani, is it just me or is my eyebrows not symmetrical at all?
03:19All right, let me see.
03:21Sisters Amira and Amani.
03:23Why is that one so arched compared to that one?
03:26Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
03:27So, that's why I was doing this the whole time.
03:30The whole day, I've just been doing this.
03:32But how does that help?
03:34Because then it looks more even, doesn't it?
03:36No, it doesn't, because then if you raise that one on its own,
03:38it looks even higher than it was before.
03:41No, wait, I was doing this.
03:43Like that.
03:45Yeah, because that looks normal.
03:46You're going to stay like that the whole time.
03:48Well, the lady who was doing my eyebrows messed up so bad,
03:52she massacred my eyebrows, literally.
03:55Like, when I told you I was about to walk out of there like this.
04:00On Wednesday night,
04:01it was celebrity cloaks at the ready on BBC One.
04:05They've been teasing us for months, about months.
04:09We've known who's going on it
04:11and we've had to wait until October for it to come on the telly.
04:15OMG, this is so exciting.
04:17Celebrity traitors.
04:20Are you not interested?
04:22I'm glad that you are, Mary.
04:24Nineteen celebrities have been invited
04:26to play the ultimate psychological game of deception.
04:31Ear-ups.
04:32I've seen at least three that I know.
04:36Jonathan Ross.
04:37I'm here to win.
04:38Senior Emery.
04:39Top of the range.
04:41I don't know what beasts lie within me.
04:43Stephen Fry.
04:44You've not got a tattoo for Stephen Fry.
04:46Stephen Fry tattoo.
04:47Yeah.
04:48Well, he's got a younger boyfriend as well.
04:49He has got a younger boyfriend.
04:50Younger husband.
04:51Maybe I have got a dark side.
04:52Oh!
04:53Alan Carr!
04:54I love how Alan Carr's saying that he's got a dark side.
04:58I bet he hasn't.
04:59Literally probably the nicest person in the world.
05:02No!
05:05Celebrity traitors, bring it on!
05:08Chris, what are you doing?
05:10I'm getting in the mood.
05:11Well, you look like a right dick.
05:13Well, alright.
05:15Welcome to the round table.
05:18Ooh!
05:19I need you to look at each other.
05:20Yes.
05:21Oh, I wouldn't.
05:22And properly look at each other.
05:27As everything is about to change, your fate in the game is going to be decided.
05:35Whoa!
05:36Oh, Alan looks a bit nervy.
05:38Look at him!
05:39He cracks me up.
05:41It's just his face.
05:42I'm about to select my traitors.
05:45Don't smile, don't smile, don't smile.
05:47Cos if she puts her hand on you, it's game over if you smile.
05:50I think that's alright.
05:51I don't think I'd ever wash the piece of clothing.
05:53Please, put on your blindfolds.
05:55Oh, golly.
05:56When I had that mask on.
05:57Oh, I don't want to know, Jenny.
05:59No.
06:00I don't want to know about you being blindfolded, please.
06:02I won't get the image out of my head.
06:03If you feel me touch you on the shoulder...
06:06Report it!
06:07Oh, sorry.
06:08That means that you are a traitor.
06:11I'd go to a person next to me.
06:13Yeah, imagine.
06:14Just reaching there.
06:16So then they think they're a traitor, but they're not.
06:25Oh, Jonathan Ross is a traitor.
06:28I think that's a good one.
06:29Jonathan's loving that.
06:30Jonathan Ross is a good one.
06:32Who's next?
06:36Oh, Kat.
06:37Let's go.
06:38Mm-hmm.
06:41Go on.
06:42Please choose Alan.
06:43Please.
06:47She's gone for Alan!
06:48Oh, my God!
06:51Look at his face!
06:52He's already smirking.
06:54I feel sick.
06:56What am I going to do?
06:57I'll tell you something.
06:58I think I would, too.
07:00Yeah.
07:01How's he going to handle this?
07:02It's a big responsibility, being a traitor.
07:05You've got to have a real nasty mind.
07:07Please remove your blindfolds.
07:10Let's see Alan's face.
07:12Let's see if they give it away.
07:13Alan can't look at no-one.
07:14It's not me.
07:15It's not me.
07:16It's not me.
07:17It's not me.
07:18With the traitors having been chosen, it wasn't long until they discovered their first murderous task.
07:30Oh, no!
07:31What's that letter about?
07:32Traitors.
07:33Tonight, you must murder in plain sight.
07:34In plain sight?
07:35God, they're not messing about, are they?
07:36Straight in there.
07:37To do this, you must find the poisoned black lily somewhere in the castle.
07:50What?
07:51Ooh.
07:52Rub your hands with the poisoned pollen and touch the face of the faithful you want to murder.
08:01Oh, my goodness gracious.
08:03That's evil.
08:04That's horrible.
08:05Oh, my God.
08:06That is going to be borderline impossible.
08:08How do you touch somebody's face?
08:09Poisoned black lily.
08:11I've seen a black lily in the bar.
08:14Oh!
08:15He spotted it!
08:16He spotted that on the blue chinoiserie.
08:19We'll have to get one here.
08:20I'll get a black lily out there.
08:22I got the chance to talk to my fellow traitors very briefly in the kitchen, which was quite terrifying.
08:26Oh, it's just them left.
08:28Oh, they're on their own now, love.
08:29Oh, this is a good chance, all three of them.
08:31What?
08:32Quick, quick, quick.
08:33No, Alan, please shut up.
08:35Please be quiet.
08:36Oh, God, anyone can walk in any moment.
08:38OK, I think the best person to it, and I'm not throwing you on the bus, is you.
08:42I think you could turn someone's face with that and be scary.
08:45Exactly, Jonathan.
08:47I've just thrown Alan under the bus.
08:49Yes!
08:52Shall we leave you to it?
08:53Shall we leave you to it?
08:54Just pass the buck, that's fine.
08:56I can't believe they've left me to it.
08:58Get it together, Alan!
09:00Don't walk in slow motion, Alan.
09:02I can't watch, man.
09:03I have people that I want to kill.
09:05Come on, touch the flower.
09:07Touch the flower.
09:08It's the touching the face that is the problem.
09:11Whose face is he going to touch?
09:13Don't you dare get rid of Claire Balden or Charlotte Church.
09:17Or Paloma Faith.
09:18How the hell am I going to do this?
09:24Oh, what's he doing?
09:25Oh, what's he doing?
09:26How much is he putting on?
09:27LAUGHTER
09:28Oh, frickin' hell.
09:39Who did he get?
09:40I'd love to be squawking about in a big black cloak.
09:43A BBC.
09:45LAUGHTER
09:46Big black cloak.
09:48LAUGHTER
09:49Type that in on Google.
09:51LAUGHTER
09:56Me and Nat have set a day aside this weekend
09:58to build my chicken run extension.
10:01It needs sorting, like, ASAP.
10:03Why?
10:04Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
10:06The chickens can't access the shed at the minute
10:08because where I need to put the door
10:11is in my chicken extension.
10:13So the chickens are just sleeping in the chicken run
10:15at the minute.
10:16And then, basically, the chicks that are in Nesra's bedroom
10:19that stink, I want to put them in the hutch,
10:21which is in the run,
10:22but I can't put the chicks in the hutch in the run
10:25until the chickens have moved into the shed.
10:30So...
10:31What have you just said?
10:33He's...
10:36On Wednesday night, the saga continued in Weatherfield on ITV.
10:41Now, brace yourself, I've got a bit of bad news for you.
10:43What?
10:44Kevin and Abby have broken up.
10:46But Kevin doesn't know about the affair.
10:48However, Kevin's sister, Debbie,
10:51she knows about the affair
10:53because she caught him doing the beach with two bucks
10:55in the hotel that she owns.
10:56Talk about shitting on your own doorstep.
10:58It's a shame, really, because Abby was on to a good thing with Kevin, wasn't she?
11:06Yeah.
11:07I mean, I know it was a bit, you know, dull and boring,
11:10but she had a nice, steady life.
11:12She did.
11:13Nothing wrong with dull and boring, is the love?
11:15No.
11:16Right, are we all here?
11:17Come on, come on, sit down, sit down.
11:19In the programme, we saw Kevin and his family gathered
11:22at a birthday bash in the Bistro.
11:24Mm.
11:25Make it here doing a grinder drive, man.
11:27Of course, she's sat next to Carl, the filthy trollop.
11:31You can't hurry perfection.
11:33Ah, here he is.
11:35And do you remember, Carl actually added on with him and all.
11:38Oh, my God, yeah!
11:40Mm-hm.
11:41Oh, you've drawn the short straw.
11:44Sorry.
11:45HE LAUGHS
11:48Does Debbie know that he's been with him and all?
11:50No.
11:51No, she doesn't know.
11:52Nobody knows about that one.
11:58Carl's like, fucking hell.
12:00He will not shag around this table.
12:02Now, before you say anything,
12:04this was meant to be a family celebration.
12:08Go on, Debs, give it up.
12:10I love Carl.
12:11And Carl loves me.
12:12No, he doesn't!
12:13Go and ask James!
12:15Carl loves intercourse.
12:17HE LAUGHS
12:18That's what I know.
12:19I think she's going to say something.
12:25Oh, she looks a bit evil now, doesn't she?
12:27She's going to say something, Lee.
12:28I tell you not, she's not going to keep her mouth shut.
12:34Parker, now why don't you sit on his knee?
12:36She might as well have.
12:37You're being naive, Kev.
12:39You need to get lawyered up.
12:41Get lawyered up.
12:42It's about her.
12:46HE LAUGHS
12:47Look at her and she's like,
12:48why would they do that?
12:50That would never happen.
12:51It's about her.
12:52Slagging her off and then just make direct eye contact.
12:56It's about her.
12:57HE LAUGHS
12:59She's got a very nasty streak in her.
13:03I've seen it.
13:04Oh!
13:05She'll be thinking.
13:06She's telling him.
13:07Yeah, she will.
13:08And before you say anything...
13:10Yes, I know.
13:12Kev knows about us!
13:13No, he doesn't!
13:14Abi's jumped the gun a little bit there, hasn't she?
13:16Yeah, she has.
13:20She will grab...
13:21She sent it to Kev, her husband.
13:23Oh, no!
13:24You can delete it, though.
13:25You can delete.
13:26No, you don't.
13:28Because if she gets a share of your house...
13:31Aw, Kev's phone's just gone off.
13:34He hasn't picked his phone up yet, have you?
13:36We need to get Kev's phone.
13:37It's too late if Debbie's already told him.
13:39No, it looked like she was telling him, but if she hasn't,
13:41we need to delete that message.
13:42For fuck's sake.
13:43Abi!
13:44How are you gonna do that?
13:50Oh, hang on.
13:51He's doing it.
13:55Deleted.
13:56That was a close call.
13:57That was easy.
13:58I knew it were gonna be too good to be true.
13:59They're dragging this on now.
14:00I need it to come out.
14:02Sorry, whose is this?
14:03It's not mine, is it?
14:04What?
14:05You've not broke it.
14:06Chill out.
14:07You've not broke it.
14:08He gets that angry when he thinks his phone's broken.
14:12Imagine what he's gonna be like when he finds out
14:14that his brother's been diddling his ex.
14:16Happy birthday to you.
14:19Does he get messages on the phone?
14:21Happy birthday to you.
14:22Oh, does he get the messages on his iPad as well?
14:24That's a bit rude.
14:25That Kev's got his iPad out of the table.
14:27Happy birthday to you.
14:29He knows about us.
14:30Oh, he's read it, he's read it.
14:32Fuck!
14:33Oh, no.
14:35Hey, the cake!
14:38Not the cake!
14:39Ronnie's birthday cake's been flawed.
14:41Please, can we talk about...
14:42Don't block me!
14:43Oh!
14:44Oh!
14:45Go on, Kevin!
14:46I didn't know I fucking kicked.
14:47Go on, Kevin!
14:48Get off me!
14:49I hope you're having with yourself now!
14:51Debbie's got a fork.
14:52Watch it, everyone.
14:53Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
14:54You need to leave home calling the police.
14:56Oh, shut up, Nick.
14:57Let him have it.
14:58Kevin's getting kicked out.
14:59He's not even...
15:00Kevin's been cheated on by his wife and brother.
15:05And he's the one getting his collar felt.
15:07Don't worry.
15:08I'm going.
15:09Oh, crikey, I can't cope with it.
15:11Gonna rip the family apart.
15:12My advice to Kevin will be get back on the horse, son.
15:15Yeah.
15:16Go for somebody younger and buy a sports car.
15:18That's right.
15:19If you can't afford the sports car,
15:21take one of the ones out that you've got in for an MOT.
15:23Yes!
15:32In Glasgow...
15:33The other morning, right,
15:34I love going for a breakfast roll when I get to work.
15:37Ordered the usual.
15:38Tati scone, eggs, link sausage, tripler.
15:42Best mates Jake and Callum.
15:45Lady turns around, straight into the deep fat fryer,
15:48puts everything in there,
15:49whacks it on a roll, doesn't think anything of it.
15:51Why would you?
15:52Mental.
15:53How's that mental?
15:54To deep fry everything, isn't it?
15:56That is good service.
15:58That's unbelievable.
15:59I don't mind like a deep fried Mars bar every now and then,
16:02but that's crazy.
16:04I would eat anything deep fried.
16:06Have you ever had a deep fried pizza?
16:07Pizza crunch?
16:08That's a pizza crunch.
16:09There you go.
16:10Absolute classic.
16:11Everything can be deep fried and tastes good.
16:12Not everything should be deep fried.
16:13I would deep fry a slippery bit.
16:15That's dreadful.
16:17This week, Netflix was asking more desperate singletons to stop being so shallow.
16:24I think a personality is much more important.
16:27I mean, my husband was what wasn't really an oil painting,
16:30but he was very clever and very funny and great to live with.
16:35I remember the first time I saw you.
16:36I don't think none does.
16:43Do you know what I love when people go to me?
16:45You're punching above your weight.
16:46And I'm like, well, yes, because I'm not going to get with a fucking minger, am I?
16:53In the programme, we caught up with Patrick,
16:56who'd been talking to Casey through the war.
16:59I just couldn't have asked for a better partner.
17:01Casey's just amazing.
17:02She's just the person I've been waiting for for my whole life.
17:06Patrick and Casey, they've been, like, hitting it off so well.
17:09They're definitely a power couple.
17:11You know what, though, if you were 30-year-old?
17:13I probably would just settle for...
17:15Anything.
17:16Anything.
17:17I'm so excited to get to meet Patrick, finally.
17:21Oh, my God, she's stunning.
17:23That is going to be the biggest rush of my entire life.
17:26This is not going to work.
17:31The only thing I'm nervous about is, like, how too perfect it's going to be.
17:34I feel like Patrick's put a bit of a jinx on this, to be fair.
17:37Oh, God, I hate it when they get so excited.
17:40Something's going to go wrong.
17:42I've always just been so look-face heavy.
17:45Oh, my God.
17:46Oh, no.
17:47But I'm so pumped to touch him.
17:50Oh, wow.
17:51Okay.
17:52Lucky him.
17:55Let's see.
17:56Here we go.
17:59Hi.
18:00Hi.
18:02How are you?
18:03That's not bad.
18:04He looks happy.
18:05He looks like, yes, this is a nice one.
18:07Casey, what is that?
18:09Oh, no.
18:10I don't think she's sure.
18:13Oh.
18:14Oh.
18:17I like the juice.
18:19I'm getting better.
18:20I'm getting better.
18:25I'm amazing.
18:27Oh, my God.
18:28That's snowing already.
18:29Hey.
18:30Oh.
18:31Oh, that was a nice greeting.
18:33Wow.
18:34I got to know her on a really deep while I'm super excited.
18:36I love her.
18:37We're going to have the most beautiful baby you've ever seen.
18:39Hey.
18:40He's moving fast.
18:41Wow.
18:42Fucking hell, Patrick, right?
18:43Fucking throw a bucket of water.
18:44Roll the past picture, buddy.
18:47Oh, no.
18:48Oh, no.
18:50Oh, no.
18:51The woman's hotel.
18:52This is where all the tea's gonna be spilled.
18:57He deserves somebody better than me.
18:58Oh, my God.
18:59Oh, no.
19:00Oh, no.
19:01Oh, bloody chestnut.
19:02Oh, the classic is not you, it's me.
19:03Oh.
19:04Oh, that one before me.
19:06Oh, no.
19:07What's that?
19:10Oh, no. I can't bear it.
19:17I love you so much. What?
19:19Well, you don't. As a friend.
19:23What's she getting him in Edlock for?
19:28Oh, dear.
19:30He's not a bad-looking guy in any sense.
19:33Bolt.
19:35But he deserves somebody that is so...
19:40What?
19:41...in his own league.
19:43Obsessed with him.
19:45And she's not obsessed with him! And it's not me!
19:50Yeah, no.
19:51Yeah, no.
19:52She can't bring herself to say,
19:53Look, I thought I loved you cos we got on well when I didn't see your face,
19:57but now I've seen you, I don't fancy you.
19:59Now I've seen your face?
20:01Yeah.
20:02What are you thinking about? Or, like, as we've had anything to do with what you look like?
20:10Because that's exactly what it is!
20:12He was like, I'm going to break his heart, and that's just not what I want.
20:16You're not going to break my heart until I go to Baja?
20:18She's trying to break up with him so softly that he's not getting it.
20:21I've been here a million times, I know exactly that, Fiona.
20:24They make zero sense, you leave, you probably think, I will probably be alright.
20:28Yeah.
20:29You're not.
20:30No.
20:31I mean, I don't know.
20:32I think I'll probably take it slow with her.
20:36What?
20:37Slow?
20:38There's no slow.
20:39It's done.
20:40I think he's took it real well.
20:42He don't know yet, you silly bastard.
20:44What do you mean?
20:45He still thinks she wants to be with him.
20:48Did she give you...
20:49Did she say she needed to get home?
20:50Is that what she told you guys?
20:52Poor Patrick.
20:55Patrick, you're still not clear.
20:57Have you ever broke up with someone?
21:00Yeah.
21:01Has someone ever broke up with you?
21:03Yeah.
21:04Both.
21:05Yeah, man.
21:06Oh, cool.
21:07Yeah.
21:08I mean, I think I've only ever been broken up with.
21:11I can't even think.
21:12No, wait, you've never broken up with someone?
21:14Er...
21:15That is one of the most horrible feelings in the world.
21:18Especially like that, if you care about them.
21:21It's awful.
21:22I think mine's always been mutual, or...
21:25Them.
21:26Or I've just thought they're mutual.
21:28Oh, God.
21:31In Blackpool...
21:33I love how you're just like a full-on gym person now.
21:36Oh, I'm a gym rat, yeah.
21:37Yeah.
21:38Rat.
21:39Oh, my gosh.
21:40Pete and his little sister Sophie.
21:42My step machine was out in the kitchen last night,
21:44so I could hit my step's target.
21:46I love how you say step machine.
21:48A fucking floor-mounted whatever it is.
21:52Step machine, yeah.
21:53Treadmill.
21:54Whatever you want to call it.
21:55It's got two drinks holders.
21:58I mean, I don't know what...
21:59I suppose one's for water, one's for maybe like a G&T or something.
22:04Low calorie, so it's a skinny bitch.
22:07Bit like myself.
22:08Just without the skinny.
22:09This week, our favourite mother versus daughter-in-law drama
22:19stepped up a gear on Prime Video.
22:21You never fancied one of your mates' mums?
22:23No comment.
22:24No comment?
22:25I fancy most of my mates' mums.
22:27The final, Simon, you ready?
22:29I don't really know side I'm on like a...
22:30I've never been on Laura's side.
22:31Cos I've...
22:32Well, I am, I think.
22:33Oh, you would be.
22:34I would cos I've got a son.
22:35Yeah, but you wouldn't be like that with your mark.
22:36I would if I thought she was a wrong one.
22:37No, you wouldn't.
22:38I bloody would.
22:39No, you wouldn't.
22:40I'm on Cherry's side.
22:41Oh, you would be cos she's a bitch.
22:42Suspicious of her son's girlfriend Cherry's intentions,
22:57Laura tried to find out more about her from Cherry's mum.
23:01I don't understand.
23:02Why do you protect her?
23:03Cos she's a daughter!
23:05When she has a side set on something,
23:08you better not, Sophia, or God help you.
23:10Oh, my God, she's recorded it!
23:12You've seen it yourself, Laura.
23:14You see, I'd be no good at doing that,
23:16because I'd push it, and it's...
23:18The Eiffel Tower is situated in Paris.
23:21I know you don't want to speak to me,
23:24but this is urgent.
23:26That's it.
23:27She's going to tell Daniel everything now.
23:29Oh, I'm so here for this.
23:35Hang on, who's there?
23:42Don't tell me it's Cherry.
23:44Mum?
23:45Oh, fuck.
23:47I spoke to Cherry's mother.
23:50I'm not here to listen.
23:51I'm here to tell you that I'm done.
23:54Done with what, though?
23:55Done with his mum.
23:56She's a lunatic.
23:57Yeah.
23:58So is Cherry, though.
23:59You two are never allowed to say that to me, by the way.
24:00That we're done?
24:01No.
24:02Like, ever.
24:03The one thing I actually wanted for myself.
24:06He doesn't want to hear it.
24:07He does not want to hear it.
24:08No, he's not going to hear it.
24:09Um, buddy, will you just stay with me for five minutes?
24:13Let's have a proper goodbye.
24:15What's she up to?
24:16She's got plans.
24:17She is.
24:18She's planning something.
24:19Just have a drink with me.
24:21Please.
24:22The alarm bells are ringing with me, Mary.
24:24Honey, I just...
24:26I want to thank you so much.
24:28That's a McAllen.
24:29She's got taste.
24:30I mean, really, your happiness.
24:32She's drugging him!
24:34She's drugging him!
24:35Say and have a drink with me and drugging your own son.
24:38And then do what with him?
24:44Oh, my God.
24:46He's drinking it.
24:47What's happening?
24:48I need you to hear this one thing.
24:50Yeah, go on.
24:51Yes, listen, Daniel.
24:52Here we go.
24:53She's drugged him so he'll listen to voice note.
24:55She didn't have to drug him.
24:56She could have just played it.
24:57Let me tell her about my daughter.
24:59Security alert.
25:00Someone is in the garden.
25:02Someone is in the garden.
25:03I bet it's Cherry.
25:07Oh, there's a pair of stilettos and the door's wide open.
25:11Where's Daniel?
25:12Oh, there's Cherry!
25:13She's in!
25:14Remember...
25:15Whoa!
25:16...she don't play.
25:17Where is he, Laura?
25:18He's not here.
25:19This is like Batman versus Superman kind of shit.
25:22You have a violent nature, Cherry.
25:24Don't get too close.
25:25Laura!
25:26Laura, shut up!
25:27Leave, or I'm calling the police right now.
25:29No, you're fucking not.
25:31Oh, Christ.
25:32Oh, hello.
25:33This is gonna turn nasty.
25:34You can tell.
25:39Oh!
25:40Oh!
25:41Let's go, Cherry!
25:45Look at her face.
25:47This is all your fault.
25:49You've driven me to this.
25:50Oh, my God.
25:51My mother was quite accepting of you, Mary.
25:54You've destroyed my family.
25:56Cherry!
25:57Oh!
25:58Oh, my God.
25:59Shit, shit, shit.
26:03In the pool.
26:04In the pool.
26:05Oh, my God.
26:06You just tell me when it's over now.
26:08I can't bear all this.
26:11Oh, my God.
26:12Oh, Daniel's seeing Cherry getting drowned.
26:14Who's drowning who?
26:17Someone's not coming out of there.
26:19What?
26:20Get off her!
26:23Oh, shit!
26:24Oh, no, he's holding her down!
26:25Daniel, what are you doing?
26:27Cherry, are you okay?
26:30I can't believe he's holding his own mother under now.
26:32He doesn't know what he's doing.
26:33He's still deranged.
26:34Yeah, yeah.
26:35On the tablets.
26:36Daniel, stop!
26:38Exactly.
26:39Stop.
26:40Stop.
26:41It's too late.
26:42Stop.
26:43Oh, my days.
26:46Oh, you've killed her.
26:47We have.
26:48Oh!
26:49Shit, a brick, man.
26:50Did not see that coming.
26:51No.
26:52Not at all.
26:53Anything else?
26:54No, okay.
26:56You're working on that new walker.
26:57Oh!
26:58She's having a baby.
26:59What are you later?
27:00She's pregnant.
27:01What have we lost, fella?
27:02You're working on that new walker.
27:03Oh!
27:04She's having a baby.
27:05One year later.
27:06She's pregnant.
27:07What have we lost, fella?
27:12What is it?
27:13I know what it is.
27:14Oh!
27:15Remember!
27:16The phone.
27:22Oh, God, he's gonna find out.
27:23Daniel, this is for you.
27:25Oh, no.
27:26You want to know about Cherry?
27:28It's the recording.
27:29Let me tell you about my daughter.
27:31Oh, I don't want to know when she has a sight set on something you better not interfere or God help you
27:37Oh, wow. So you tell your son
27:41Don't be fooled by the good times
27:44Bad times will come sooner or later. She'll want something from you that you're not prepared to give oh
27:51No
27:55She'll find a way to get rid of you
28:01Oh
28:05No, you're having a laugh. I hate endings like that
28:10We don't know what there has to be another series it makes me laugh this this program because
28:15Like my life's a complete opposite. You know if anything it's me getting ostracized
28:22It's now a triangle of you page and mom. I'm on the outside
28:31You
28:35In Wiltshire vegetables would be inedible without salt remember basically food was horrible before
28:43Sugar and salt Giles and his wife Mary people just ate it for fuel
28:48But there was no pleasure to be had before sugar and salt Mary Islanders nutty when they grew potatoes
28:55Yeah, they have this thing they put the new potatoes and they boil it in seawater
29:00Yeah, it's called Papa look at my mouth
29:03Papa ever gather oh look man. I don't want you to do it. I can't speak
29:08I can this is the only thing I know about the canary on it. I don't want to see your mouth. No
29:12Papa ever gather that's horrible
29:14That's horrible Giles. Why would you want me to see it's like me say watch me going to the loo
29:19Oh, Mary. Why would you want me to look at your mouth while you're saying a foreign word?
29:24Papa ever gather
29:26On Friday night there was more action for the air ambulance on the really channel
29:31I should have really contacted the air ambulance when I dislocated my knee at that hendy
29:36Well, they'd say paid your fucking two-hour trip each way. This is Yorkshire air 999
29:43I remember being stung by a wasp when you rang 999 an allergy
29:49And I caused a real fuss and it was really embarrassing and they came out as I said
29:53I thought I was having amaphylactic shock and by the time they got to I was absolutely fine
29:57The drama queen was at it again
29:59Paramedic Matty is on the air desk listening in to a 999 call
30:05Here we go. Here we go. I turned my tractor over and I'm underneath it. Oh dear. What? Damn. Oh, that is
30:13Savage. And have you lost any blood? I can't see because my arm is under the wheel. Oh fuck his arms under the wheel. That sounds bad
30:22It's very Yorkshire though, isn't it? Yeah. There's no panic. I've turned my tractor over and my arm's underneath the wheel
30:28It's off. Yeah. Yeah.
30:30We've landed about 50 yards away Matty and I'm just making my way to scene now
30:34Oh, there he is. Is that him? Oh god, the poor sod
30:38Hello
30:40We're coming to help. You okay, buddy?
30:42What the fuck?
30:44Oh, look at him. Oh my god
30:46My whole arm is underneath it. Yeah, I can see that here, mate
30:48Have you got any pain anywhere else?
30:50Imagine my shoulder blade's buggered up
30:52Not medical terms
30:53Proper Yorkshire, that, isn't it? Yeah
30:55It's buggered
30:56They make them different in Yorkshire, I tell you
30:57They really do, man. This guy is doing Yorkshire proud
31:00I'm going to try and get in, man. Give you an assessment. Is that all right?
31:03I love how, mate, he's literally just been resting on the tractor as if it needs more weight
31:07Yeah, yeah. Just have a fucking lean on it. Put a bit more weight on my arm
31:11So we're going to give you some medication, Steve
31:13Thank you
31:14Yeah, oh, I'll be asking for all the good shit
31:16And we'll just start you on some paracetamol
31:18I think paracetamol might be a little weak
31:20Give him some ketamine
31:22And then we can top you up with a bit of morphine
31:24Oh, here we go
31:26What's up, mate?
31:27A little inch thing there
31:28Oh, yep, they're moving him
31:31Oh, shit, a brickler
31:33Is his arm on or off?
31:35On?
31:35No, I know
31:36He's trapped
31:37Oh, is he?
31:38With only a few inches of space
31:40Wayne and the team are pulling Steve out from under the tractor's mudguard
31:45They've got him out, they've got him out
31:46I've never seen a tractor give birth to an adult man
31:51Thank you very much, everybody
31:53Thank you very much
31:53He's morphined off his tits now, though
31:57The tractor involved a dear old Massey Ferguson, 35
32:00Is that him?
32:01I tell you what, I barely recognise him without a tractor on top of him
32:04Yeah, same
32:05He's in a barn currently being repaired
32:08As much as I'm fond of it, I think it's going to be up for sale
32:11Because it's actually in remarkable condition
32:13It's in remarkable condition
32:15He's never been in an accident
32:21In Kent
32:22Is Jake a man?
32:23Jake, are you a man now?
32:24I have turned 18
32:26Which means I am a man
32:28Michael, Sally and their sons Jake and Harry
32:32My first ever beer was on Wednesday
32:34Is that when we went to the pub and you ordered some drinks and then what happened?
32:38I made them look at my ID
32:41Because they weren't going to ask you
32:42Excuse me, madam, please look at my ID
32:44Yeah, and who paid for the round of drinks?
32:45Oh, you did, because it's my birthday
32:46What do you want me to do? I'll start paying for my own drinks? It's my own birthday
32:49I just thought, as a moment, a dad goes out with his son
32:53That one of those rites of passage moments where a son buys his dad a pint
32:57I've never bought you a pint
32:59As I said before, just because I got older does not mean my financial situation has changed
33:04That hasn't changed since you were four
33:06That's also true
33:10On Saturday, it was the meeting of mind and machine that made the news on the BBC
33:16Oh, the triple axel
33:18Do you just like sit around practicing then?
33:21Practicing what?
33:22Just flipping around
33:23No, I'm just the flipper
33:25You snooze, you lose
33:27So what's the news?
33:28Are you having a laugh?
33:30A technology company in Switzerland says it's made synthetic brain cells
33:35that can survive for months and respond to basic keyboard commands
33:39Jake, there's hope for you
33:42You put your brain cell in a keyboard
33:45Final Spark says it wants to use the so-called organoids to power a computer
33:50Organoids?
33:51They sound quite evil, don't they?
33:52Oh yeah
33:53Yeah
33:53We are the organoids
33:56Replacing the silicon technology we use today
33:59That's another job gone at Tesco
34:01Silicon is just your standard stuff, isn't it?
34:03Your processes
34:04Yeah
34:04It's all the stuff that the tech is made from at the moment, so your computer chips
34:09Inside this lab, a whole new way of building computers is being trialled
34:14Right
34:14Wetware is a relatively new field of science
34:17Wetware?
34:18Wetware?
34:18What is wetware?
34:20If you run wet brain cells with electricity, aren't you going to blow yourself up?
34:25You would, Julie
34:26Which involves taking organic matter like brain cells
34:29Where do they get them from then?
34:31And trying to create a bio-computer out of them
34:33Don't be messing with this shit, man
34:35No
34:36No
34:36The world is changing too quickly
34:39I'm going to have to move to the Isle of Man or somewhere
34:42The human brain has tens of billions of neurons or brain cells
34:46Which can connect and then talk to each other
34:49It's how we learn
34:50Scientists here want their lab-grown brain cells to eventually do the same thing
34:55Well, they're looking at nature to sort out a more efficient computer
34:59I don't want my brain merging with a computer
35:02If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous
35:03It'd be Windows 95
35:07First, skin cells are turned into stem cells
35:10Skin cells?
35:11Which several months later become clusters of neurons known as brain organoids
35:16So wait, sorry
35:17So your skin cells
35:19Yeah
35:19Become stem cells
35:21Yeah
35:21Which become brain organoids
35:23I know, that's extraordinary
35:25Do you know the biggest organ?
35:28Your skin
35:28We're all different
35:30What's in my hands right now are tiny lab-grown brains
35:35The scientists who make them say they're alive
35:40Oh, what?
35:40They're alive!
35:41They are, I thought that's what people were scared of
35:44The computers being alive
35:46Yeah, and developing AI too far
35:48Well, it'll serve them right if the computers come to life and knock them off their silly little stools
35:54And trample them to a pulp before marching out of the laboratory
35:58Yes
35:59In the Cotswolds
36:08I can't find the car keys
36:11Andrew and his husband Alfie
36:14Uh, where are the car keys?
36:15And why have you got those funny new headphones?
36:18These
36:19Oh
36:20I could not hear a word you're saying
36:23This is the best investment I've ever made
36:26Because now I can no longer hear you snoring or waffling
36:30It means you can't hear me at all
36:31You'll just listen to music all day and won't hear a thing that I say
36:35Parky's on the desk
36:36Oh, thanks
36:39This week there are some creatures giving us the creeps on Netflix
36:43Do you know what?
36:44In nature there is some truly nasty bastards
36:47Yeah
36:48Well, this will be for you your favourite sort of programme
36:51That mixture of horror and nature
36:53Yeah
36:53I only like very juvenile horror, Natty
36:57Yeah
36:57Um, like Jeepers Creepers 1 and Jeepers Creepers 2
37:01Oh
37:05Shall we turn the lights down?
37:06No we won't, we'll keep them on
37:12Oh cute, that's hardly a monster
37:14A little rodent
37:16This white-footed mouse
37:19Is about to become a mother
37:21Oh
37:21Oh no, no way
37:24Oh, somebody's going to kill that, aren't they?
37:27She needs to find somewhere
37:29away from danger to give birth
37:31Where?
37:32Where would you go if you're having a litter of mice?
37:39Up a tree, good idea
37:40Good idea
37:41Oh yes
37:42I bet she goes in that hole
37:43That might be where an owl lives though
37:47Made it
37:47Oh thank god for that
37:49And she's in, she's in, she's in
37:51It seems the perfect nursery
37:55Beyond the dangers of the outside
37:57This is the perfect nursery
38:00Yeah, but I think it's someone else's nursery abs
38:02That's bones and everything in there
38:07Oh my days
38:09She's in a graveyard, Simon
38:11I told you, that's where an owl lives in there
38:15Do owls eat mices?
38:16May I?
38:17I've never read the Gruffalo
38:18But this nursery
38:21is a nightmare
38:23Oh, what is it?
38:24What's that?
38:24This is a bird of prey, Natty
38:26This will be an owl
38:27This is horrible
38:28The secret lair
38:32Of a serial killer
38:34Serial killer
38:35Oh my god
38:35It's not a serial killer
38:37It's an owl
38:37It's an owl
38:38And she
38:40Is it
38:42Favourite prey
38:46You horrible owl
38:47I've gone off owls now
38:49Now the only way to not get your feelings hurt at this bit
38:52Is start imagining you're watching an owl documentary instead
38:55And you're backing team owl to get its meal
38:58The owl's not hurt in 24 hours
39:03Hey, it's looking right at you
39:05Oh no
39:05Wow
39:06Mouse is like that
39:08The owl also has incredible hearing
39:11Oh no
39:12Oh it would though
39:13Oh it would have
39:14Enabling it to hear even the quietest sounds
39:20Heartbeat
39:21Just listen to its heartbeat
39:22Our mother has her own cards to play
39:25Oh she got something up her sleeve, boy
39:28Oh
39:29She freezes
39:31And lowers her thumping heartbeat
39:33To run
39:35Silent
39:36Oh clever girl
39:39So now the mouse is going stealth though
39:42You ain't just
39:43I lower the heartbeat now
39:44Yeah, so you can't hear it
39:45It's cold
39:46Now
39:47Now
39:47She must wait for the owl to fall asleep
39:50And then make an absolute mad dash for it
39:55Oh, he's got his eyes shut
39:57It's asleep
39:57No, you might look
39:58If I was the mouse, my phone would ring
40:00It's like
40:05Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh
40:06My god
40:08No
40:17My dinner is escaping
40:24Right, run
40:25No need to make a run for it
40:26Go
40:26I can't breathe.
40:30I can't.
40:37Oh, he's out.
40:38Yes!
40:39She's out!
40:39She's out!
40:40Fuck you, owl.
40:46Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake.
40:49Well, I didn't expect that.
40:50I thought we were going to have a death in the family.
40:56In Yorkshire.
40:58So you've been to the chiropractor and what has she advised about your neck?
41:01It's a man.
41:01OK, sorry.
41:03Sarah and her daughter-in-law, Lara.
41:06So we do this chicken neck, which you did very well.
41:10Like that.
41:11You said that it really helps.
41:13In fact, I think it does.
41:14That's amazing.
41:15So basically, your exercises are to walk like a chicken.
41:19Or to stand like a chicken, yeah, and do that.
41:22So just do this.
41:23Yeah, helps my neck.
41:24So while we're watching telly, we could go...
41:26This week, a famous face was off on his jollies again on Apple TV+.
41:33You're the least reluctant traveller ever.
41:36I'm literally the least reluctant traveller.
41:38I'd be on a plane every day if I could.
41:40I'm the living example of better late than never.
41:44Eugene Levy co-wrote with his son, Schitt's Crank Padders.
41:48And he was Jim's dad out of American Pie.
41:50Isn't he the one who caught his son with his dick in the apple pie?
41:53Oh, my God.
41:54Oh, bloody hell.
41:56Now that I'm considered something of a traveller, I've challenged myself to complete my own bucket list.
42:02My bucket list of things to do before I'm dead is to get the cottage tidy.
42:06My dad has one, that's why he went to Hong Kong last year and he goes here, there and everywhere.
42:15And he says to me all the time, Abs, what's on your bucket list?
42:20And I'm like, you know what? Not a lot. Is there anything you really want to do?
42:25No?
42:26No.
42:27In the programme, we saw Eugene at a fancy hotel in London.
42:31Mr Levy, sir? Oliver.
42:33I just have some correspondence for you, sir.
42:35Ah.
42:36Correspondence?
42:37A letter? Who gets letters these days?
42:40Kensington Palace. And there's a W on the insignia.
42:44Hang on a minute. Kensington Palace?
42:47I heard that your travels have brought you to the UK and I wondered if you might like to see Windsor Castle.
42:53Well, you know who that is, don't you? William?
42:55Wills?
42:56With best wishes, William.
42:58Is he taking him round the castle?
43:00He is!
43:01Eugene, you lucky bastard.
43:02Does everybody get one of them if you stay in this hotel?
43:05Probably not.
43:06Henry VIII, Queen Victoria, 40 monarchs have lived here. It's crazy.
43:12Oh, you'd like that. Wouldn't you love a castle? You do, don't you?
43:15Was that Windsor?
43:16And do you know who lives? Stone's throw from there. Jeremy Kyle.
43:20Is that William?
43:27You can't be serious.
43:30Look! He's on the scooter!
43:32Oh, yeah!
43:33Not an electric scooter.
43:34Not an electric scooter.
43:35Not an electric scooter.
43:37Eugene, good morning.
43:40Your Royal Highness.
43:42Is this to make it look like William's just a normal person?
43:45I guess so.
43:46Yeah.
43:47What have I said about electric scooters?
43:49It meant electric scooters.
43:50Ick.
43:51This is your home?
43:53Yes.
43:54Not in the castle.
43:55So we live down outside the castle.
43:57Why can't we look around your actual house?
43:59Yeah.
44:00You know, I want to see what your actual bedroom looks like.
44:03I bet it's Malm from Ikea.
44:05Yeah.
44:06In a clothes maiden with everybody's undies on it.
44:08Oh, my.
44:09This is the King's Royal Room.
44:10Whoa!
44:11Look at that room.
44:12That room's bigger than our house.
44:14And also, out there you've got Eton College.
44:17So that's where I went to school.
44:18That's where I went to school.
44:19And sometimes if I could get away in an evening when there was nothing else going on,
44:23I'd come round and have a bit of tea with her because she had the best teas ever.
44:26Aww.
44:27So you used to go and see his granny?
44:29Oh, that lovely.
44:30Just like normal people.
44:32It was basically like what everybody else does.
44:34We used to go to Nan's on a Wednesday for our tea.
44:36We did, yeah.
44:37It's the same thing.
44:38Watch the bell and then throw up because we'd been swimming.
44:40Yeah.
44:41He was going to be a royal, but he's still British.
44:43It was only going to be a matter of time before we ended up in a pub.
44:47Is he in his local?
44:48I have been for Sunday dinner in that pub.
44:53No way.
44:54Yep.
44:55The two brewers.
44:56Were it nice?
44:58Stunning.
44:59Best roast I've had.
45:00What do you fancy?
45:01What do I fancy?
45:02I'm going to have a Guinness.
45:03Guinness?
45:04Okay.
45:05Eugene.
45:06Sweet or dry?
45:07Sweet, please.
45:08Cider?
45:09It's a cider.
45:10Sweet?
45:11Cider?
45:12It's not strong or dark fruit.
45:13Cider rider?
45:14You will one day be king of England.
45:17Do you think about that at all?
45:19I do think about it probably every night going, help.
45:22But I'm actually looking forward to that, William,
45:24because I think you're a really nice man.
45:25I think you'll be really good at it.
45:27I do.
45:28It's not something I wake up in the morning and think about.
45:30You must think about it a bit, babe.
45:32That is the only thing that would ever be in my mind.
45:34Yeah, me too.
45:35But if I'm not true to myself and I'm not true to what I stand for
45:39and believe in, then it doesn't really matter who you are.
45:42He's very philosophical, isn't he?
45:44Yeah, yeah.
45:45That's good values.
45:46He got good values.
45:47He seems sincere, doesn't he?
45:48I hope we don't go back to some of the practices in the past
45:51that Harry and I had to grow up in.
45:53The firm.
45:54He's managing Harry.
45:56That's the bit that excites me is the idea of being able to bring some change.
45:59God bloody, Eugene Levy has got the scoop.
46:02He's like Oprah Winfrey.
46:04Eugene Levy.
46:05He is.
46:06I mean, if you think about it, we've had King Charles on the repair shop.
46:10Yeah.
46:11You know, we've had William on here.
46:12Yeah.
46:13You know, what next?
46:14Prince Harry maybe on Antiques Road Trip.
46:16Yeah.
46:17And in Slobbing Brother.
46:18Yeah.
46:19Prince Andrew, 24 hours in police custody.
46:24The possibilities are endless.
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