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00:00What's that? Have you seen that there?
00:02What is it? What is it?
00:03I don't know.
00:05Oh, don't pull it.
00:06No!
00:06Pull after this.
00:07I'll put it off.
00:09Oh, thank you.
00:11Just be careful.
00:12What?
00:12Don't cut me top.
00:13Oh, I won't cut your top.
00:15No, don't.
00:17Oh.
00:20Hurry up.
00:21Oh, you want that?
00:22I missed it. That's you pulling it.
00:24Oh, I told you not to do it.
00:25You don't frigging listen to a word I say.
00:30Oh, I'm so proud.
00:33Yes!
00:34Oh, happy days.
00:35Oh, Daniella, I like this.
00:36He's gone and done and did it.
00:38I don't trust him because he's teetotal.
00:39Oh, no. No.
00:41Cryptic that in there.
00:42Convoluted that.
00:43Oh, no, no.
00:45What a waste of a muffin.
00:47What's that?
00:49Unacceptable.
00:50Yeah!
00:51What the hell?
00:53Is that it?
00:54It's not much evidence of man boob, is Sir Mary?
00:57Oh, I hate Swiss roll.
00:58Oh, no.
00:59Oh, no.
01:01Oh, he's a badger.
01:03He is, he's a badger.
01:04Oh, man, he's got one in and one out.
01:06Oh.
01:07Was that good for you or was it was for me?
01:11In the week Donald Trump confirmed he wasn't dead,
01:14we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:17BBC One had gone speed dating.
01:20Yeah, it's a lovely place.
01:21Yeah.
01:21Not the warmest, but lovely.
01:23Yeah.
01:23I don't have any flirting skills.
01:26Do you know what?
01:26When me and Toby first met, I remember saying to my friends, like, oh, my God, I don't like
01:31this, I don't like that.
01:31And they were like, is he?
01:33He's just trying to flirt with you.
01:35Why?
01:35What were we doing?
01:37I just thought I thought he were cocky.
01:40Oh, I thought Toby were cocky when I first met him.
01:43Were you trying to flirt with me, too?
01:44Paul had his beady eyes on the bakers on Channel 4.
01:51They risked serving Paul and Prue a Swiss roll without its signature swell.
01:55That would give me the heebie-jeebies with him standing at the end of my desk, wouldn't
01:58it, you?
02:00If he's standing at the end of my bed, I'd be really creeped out.
02:02I wouldn't mind that so much.
02:04And it was a new term in our favourite Yorkshire school.
02:08We were both small, I wish I knew you.
02:11I mean, they're allowed to wear trousers now, we couldn't wear trousers at school.
02:16You never used to wear a skirt, you used to roll it up to your crotch.
02:19Yeah, I did when I was coming home off the bus, because I liked the lad at the garage.
02:31Shay, you got the vote here.
02:33Whose oxtail do you love the most in this house?
02:35I have to give it to Dad.
02:37Oh!
02:38I do have to give it to Dad.
02:39It's got the nice brown colour, and it's just, ooh, and then the pressure cooker, ooh!
02:45Let's stop there, Shay, let's stop there.
02:47Meet Sarah, her husband, Andre, and their daughter, Shay.
02:51One thing I will give to you, Mum.
02:53What's that?
02:54Mum's curry goat is better than yours, Pops.
02:56I'm so sorry.
02:57Andre, no.
02:57Never, never, never, never.
02:58That curry mutton, ooh!
03:00Never, never, never, never.
03:01I'm so sorry I was going to give that one to Mum.
03:03Never, Shay, I didn't cook it ever.
03:04You see, next time I cooked...
03:05Yours is too Vince's style, like, we need a punch.
03:07Next time, next time I'm cooking, you can have chicken Kiev.
03:10LAUGHTER
03:11On Tuesday night, there was a new batch of bakers hoping to rise to the occasion on Channel 4.
03:20Voila!
03:22That's a bit posh, innit?
03:24Baker?
03:25I like watching this cos I cannot bake or cook, really, at all.
03:30I wouldn't say that.
03:31Your toast's pretty good.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33Oh, the lady next door gave me some apple pie yesterday.
03:36It was bloody lovely.
03:38Wow.
03:39Oh, absolutely.
03:40She even asked if I wanted custard.
03:42And I thought, I can't be so cheeky.
03:43Do you know why?
03:44Do you know why?
03:45Why?
03:46She thinks you're old.
03:47It's like males on wheels.
03:48Yeah, well, I don't mind.
03:49Bring it on.
03:54I told her what I want for me breakfast.
03:56LAUGHTER
03:57Is it I've moved on from Paul Hollywood now?
04:00It's Andy's Dinosaurs.
04:02Yeah.
04:03Andy Day from CBeebies fame.
04:05So, for your first ever challenge...
04:08We all like a challenge.
04:10Yeah.
04:11The judges would like you to make a Swiss roll.
04:13Ooh.
04:14Ooh.
04:15Yeah.
04:16That's a good one.
04:17I used to do Swiss roll at school.
04:18Do you want a tissue?
04:19Oh, God.
04:20You're dribbling out your chin.
04:21That's what I used to do at school, Swiss roll.
04:24Your Swiss roll must be beautifully decorated.
04:27And your sponge must have an inlay design.
04:30An inlay design?
04:31What the hell's that?
04:33Well, I don't know.
04:34How would you shove that in a Swiss roll, innit?
04:36And be rolled with at least two different fillings.
04:39Two different fillings?
04:40Creating the perfect swirl.
04:43Oh!
04:44I get it.
04:45I see.
04:46Oh, I hate Swiss roll.
04:47Oh, no.
04:48I don't think that's that difficult, is it?
04:50Right.
04:51On your marks.
04:52Get set.
04:53Bake.
04:54Let's go.
04:55Slightly overwhelmed.
04:56How can you get overwhelmed over a Swiss roll?
05:00Very nervous.
05:01Still quite shaky, to be honest.
05:03Well, I suppose that'll help you sift in the flour.
05:07Oh.
05:08Oh!
05:09Good start from Hassan.
05:10He's broken the sieve.
05:11I'll be saying, defective tools already.
05:14His decadent bake will see him roll chocolate sponge around thick caramel on a milk chocolate and coffee ganache.
05:20Okay.
05:21Alright, Hassan.
05:22Sounds like a bit of me.
05:23Coffee and caramel.
05:24Really?
05:25It's a lot.
05:26Now, would you pull your ganache out on week one?
05:28Well, yeah.
05:29But in the showstopper.
05:31Yeah.
05:32That'll really take Paul's breath away.
05:33Yeah.
05:34A battered ganache.
05:36It's crucial every curd, jam and ganache is cool before the bakers begin assembly.
05:42Yeah, otherwise it's just going to be a hot sloppy mess, isn't it?
05:46My caramel's eaten up quite bad.
05:48I'll have to do it again.
05:49Oh!
05:50No, Hassan.
05:51That is not looking good for you, brother.
05:53My gravy looks like that.
05:55Never turn your back on caramel.
05:58No.
05:59Always stir.
06:00The rest of the bakers are starting to assemble.
06:03Assembling it already?
06:04What?
06:05Oh!
06:06Come on!
06:07And Hassan's still making his caramel.
06:08The caramel's still quite soft.
06:09Uh-oh.
06:10I mean, it looks good, but it's going to be a horrible mess.
06:12Oh, you can't roll liquid.
06:14I've got to roll it up.
06:16Ah, this is going to go everywhere.
06:18Oh!
06:19It's all coming out the sides.
06:21Oh!
06:22It's a swimming pool, Hassan.
06:24It's a swimming pool of caramel.
06:27Oh!
06:28It's got no stability.
06:30Oh, man.
06:31Oh, come on.
06:34Oh, no.
06:35I'll still eat it, though.
06:36I'll still eat it.
06:37I've had a mare.
06:39I've had a right mare.
06:40Oh!
06:41Oh, no, no.
06:42Oh, my God.
06:44I mean, he didn't even try and, like, move it with a palette knife or something.
06:47He literally just picked it up with his fists.
06:50Bakers, your time is...
06:53up.
06:54Oh, look.
06:55He knows he's done it wrong.
06:56If I was Hassan right now, I'd just walk out.
06:58I'd just be like...
06:59I'd be like, thank you for the opportunity.
07:00Please step away from your Swiss rolls.
07:01Step well back, Hassan.
07:02LAUGHTER
07:03Hassan, what is that?
07:09Well back, Hassan.
07:14Hassan!
07:17What is that?
07:20That's not even...
07:22Sir Hassan, not your best morning.
07:24No. Yeah, quite disappointed myself.
07:26It looks like a roulade rather than a Swiss roulade.
07:28Oh, Paul's there to stick the boat in.
07:30At least he said it looks like something.
07:35Wow. What do you reckon?
07:37What does it taste like?
07:38The flavour-wise, stunning. Absolutely delicious.
07:40At least it tastes delicious, every cloud.
07:42There you go. Man smashed it.
07:44Actually, it might look like shite, but it tastes all right.
07:47Looks like it's been dropped out of a tree.
07:52Splat!
07:53And that's putting it politely.
07:55Just a tree.
07:56He could have gone higher, to be fair.
07:58Yeah.
08:01In Yorkshire...
08:02So here are puppies.
08:04They're all orange, pink, blue, green, yellow, brown.
08:07Meet Sarah and her daughter-in-law, Lara.
08:11Yeah, for one more week and then you go.
08:13You will miss them.
08:14She won't miss them though.
08:15The mother never does.
08:16No.
08:17It's quite extraordinary.
08:18Well, she'll keep one.
08:19She'll keep one, yes.
08:20It'll be fun.
08:21Little, little munchkins.
08:22Aren't you all, little munchkins?
08:25They're probably all wee on us a minute, but never mind.
08:30On Friday, there were more shenanigans on the cobbles on ITV.
08:34Are you ready for some Corrie?
08:36I'm always ready for some Corrie.
08:38I thought that.
08:39Some things are guanning in Coronation Street.
08:41I can tell you that.
08:42Mm-hm!
08:43Oh!
08:44You're going to have to give me full backstory of Corrie.
08:51I will.
08:52I've been binge-watching Corrie because I missed a week on holiday,
08:55won't I?
08:56Kevin's brother, Carl, has come over from Germany
08:59and he's been doing the okey-cokey with Kevin's wife.
09:02Riveting stuff, Julie.
09:03What have I forgotten?
09:05I've got my passport, phone, charge of wine, gums.
09:10They're having the affair and she's about to go on holiday with her husband.
09:13OK.
09:14You know, I'm not happy about you going on holiday with another man.
09:17You're a brother.
09:18Yeah.
09:19It's not another man, it's your brother and her husband, love.
09:22It's you I want to be with, all right?
09:23There'll be no funny business with Kevin, I promise.
09:25You're on holiday.
09:27That's why you go on holiday.
09:31Hi, babe.
09:32And here's Tracey.
09:34You're past the deadline.
09:35We're working on it.
09:36We'll work harder then.
09:37Tracey's obviously blackmailing them because she's found out.
09:40Ten grand she wants.
09:41Tracey wants ten grand off them?
09:43Yeah.
09:44To not tell Kevin?
09:45Yeah.
09:46What exactly was it that made you such a vindictive cow?
09:49Well, I mean, nobody wants you.
09:52Nobody wants me.
09:53Yep.
09:54Carl does.
09:55Ooh!
09:56Has he been knocking Tracey off?
09:58Tracey's been flinging herself at Carl
10:00and that's how she's ended up getting wind of this affair
10:02because he gave her the knock back.
10:04Tracey, Carl would never fancy you.
10:06I mean, come on.
10:08I mean, come on.
10:09That is like laying down a challenge.
10:13Carl would never fancy you.
10:15Oh.
10:16And then she might think,
10:17oh, yes.
10:18Well, let's see if I can make him.
10:20Your hot pot will be five minutes tops.
10:23Really?
10:24I've already been waiting half an hour.
10:25You're telling me they're never doing the still and hot pot
10:27in the Rovers?
10:28Yeah, they do.
10:29She's been dead years, Betty Terpin.
10:31Yeah, but she had loads in the freezer.
10:35That'll be £2.50 for the juice, please.
10:37Amazing.
10:40Can you get your drink, mate?
10:41Oh, he's a bit of all right.
10:42Look at his muscles.
10:44He's a PT trainer, you can tell.
10:46Oh, yeah.
10:47No, thanks.
10:48You know what you need?
10:49New life, a good workout.
10:51Ah, here's trouble.
10:53Oh, look, there's Tracey.
10:54There's Tracey's coming at an awkward moment.
10:57James, not in the mood, mate.
10:59There's nothing like getting all hot and sweaty
11:01to make you forget your worries.
11:02Nothing like getting hot and sweaty
11:04to forget your worries.
11:05That's what's got me in this mess in the first place, Tiger.
11:08Off you fuck.
11:09You know, James is right.
11:12Nothing like getting down and dirty
11:14to take your mind off stuff.
11:16Oh, I see.
11:17Yeah.
11:18Oh, dear.
11:19I mean, she literally is like a doggone heat.
11:22Yeah.
11:23A bitch, if you like.
11:24Sorry, bitch on heat.
11:29What's this now?
11:30Oh, where is she?
11:31This is his room.
11:32This is Kyle's room in the hotel.
11:34What are you doing here?
11:35What's he doing?
11:36Why is he hot and sweaty?
11:37Have you got showered for me?
11:38Let it go, woman.
11:39She's pretty obvious.
11:40She's not giving up, is she?
11:41No, she's like a dog with a bone, Tracey.
11:42Tracey, you're pathetic.
11:43I'm not interested.
11:44How many ways can you say no?
11:45Clearly, you prefer it the hard way.
11:47So, I want my money.
11:48What a wicked woman.
11:49Oh, dear.
11:50So, basically, she's saying if she don't get me, she needs to get paid.
12:05Oh, wow.
12:06What he should have said also, would that clear the debt?
12:10Would it clear the debt, Nutty?
12:12It could be like a gigolo.
12:14Yeah, but she probably hates her.
12:16A gigolo of Manchester.
12:18Wait, wait, wait.
12:23Who's there?
12:24Who's there?
12:25Someone's there.
12:29That wasn't your biggest fan again, was it?
12:31Oh!
12:32No!
12:33Oh!
12:34What the fuck?
12:37Yo!
12:39Correlation Street!
12:41You're doing us like this!
12:43No!
12:48That's very modern, isn't it?
12:51Nothing.
12:52No-one saw that coming.
12:53No.
12:54That!
12:55I was not expecting that!
12:56That!
12:57It's the biggest curveball!
12:59Fucking brilliant.
13:01Correlation Street has ever thrown.
13:03In Manchester...
13:04Helena, I need you to try this cardion, because I need to check how long you want the sleeves.
13:18OK.
13:19Alison, her husband George and her daughter Helena.
13:22See, you've got a balloon sleeve, do you see?
13:26So what you want me to do is cuff it to become a balloon sleeve, or I can leave it as a bellend.
13:32Which would you like?
13:34I'll cuff it, please, so you stop saying bellend.
13:36On Wednesday night, some singletons were paired up in paradise on BBC One.
13:44Dating shows, there's enough of them, innit?
13:46There's too many.
13:47There's too many.
13:48Which ones are there?
13:49There's...
13:50Blind date.
13:51Blind...
13:52Andre!
13:53I'm showing your age now, oh my God!
13:54Blind date!
13:55Andre!
13:56Far from the distractions of home, 12 singles looking for lifelong love.
14:02I've seen this advertised, it's basically a load of singletons, they meet, quickly get married,
14:08then they're basically just left on a desert island for three weeks.
14:13Will they thrive in isolation and find love?
14:16Oh, it's Davina!
14:17I'd like to pick Davina McCall.
14:19Yeah, can you imagine?
14:21And how do you feel about your partner?
14:23I'd appreciate the host, actually.
14:25Stranded on Honeymoon Island.
14:28So, it's basically Survivor married at first sight slash love island.
14:33It is literally a dating reality show, Audrey.
14:37I'm May, originally from Mansfield, but now living in London.
14:41Aw, May's cute.
14:42May looks like a normal nice girl, doesn't she?
14:45Mm-hmm.
14:46So, my last proper boyfriend, unfortunately, there was an accident.
14:51Oh, no, he died.
14:52Oh, Jesus.
14:53Where he fell.
14:55Aw.
14:56Aw.
14:57Oh, God, that's not good.
14:59Into his colleague's vagina.
15:00Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
15:02You've got to be careful, you can trip up and fall into anything nowadays.
15:06Yeah.
15:07Yeah, he basically left me for his colleague.
15:10Oh, my God, she...
15:11What the...?
15:12May's got a bit of something about her, OK.
15:13What the...?
15:14OK.
15:15After a bit of speed dating...
15:17Where are you from?
15:18I'm from Edinburgh, Scotland.
15:19Oh!
15:20Hey!
15:21Representing, my man.
15:22I love that.
15:23She's your...
15:24Oh, that's nice.
15:27Oh.
15:28I mean, those in glass houses, if she's from Mansfield.
15:30Oh, yeah.
15:32It was time for May to discover who she was tying the knot with.
15:36I'm so relieved to see you here.
15:38Yeah, me too.
15:39Oh, it's a relief.
15:41Oh, well, they're happy.
15:42That's good.
15:43If I manifested this right, number 25 is standing in front of me.
15:46What did she say?
15:47If I've manifested this right, number 25 is standing in front of me.
15:50He was number 25.
15:51I mean, I've actually just put in certain number.
15:54Yeah.
15:54If I've manifested this right, in certain number will be stood in front of me.
16:00That'd be my luck, that.
16:01I've been through some tough times when it's come to love.
16:04It's not that I was too much, it's that they weren't enough.
16:08I love how he's just bitten his lip there.
16:09He's thinking, you shit.
16:11Got a bit of a live wire here.
16:13At this point, he looks like he's got regret for signing off for this show.
16:17I promise to be the most loyal person you've ever met.
16:20To love you with the biggest, purest heart.
16:23It's quite deep, this isn't it?
16:24Yeah.
16:24To be your partner in crime, your biggest cheerleader.
16:27No.
16:28Oh, she's still going.
16:29How many words has she crammed on that bitter card?
16:32Yeah.
16:33That's beautiful.
16:34Okay, let's see what he has to say.
16:38I vowed to never steal the covers.
16:40Okay.
16:40Tick.
16:41Right, that's a good beginning.
16:42I promise to never lose my temper with you.
16:45Okay.
16:45That's not going to last.
16:46You might need to lose your temper at some point or she'll walk all over you, mate.
16:54Any more?
16:56That is the bows.
16:57That is the bows.
16:58Is that it?
16:59What's he done?
17:00Written him on the back of a fag package?
17:01He's written him on the way down the jazzy.
17:04Shit.
17:06Oh, vows.
17:08One night in of being stranded, we got to see how newlyweds May and Morrie were getting along.
17:13I don't think you'll annoy me.
17:16No.
17:16I think you're like, you're just like, really cute.
17:18I think she's quite keen on him at the minute though, isn't she?
17:21But they haven't been there about five minutes.
17:22Yeah.
17:24Am I your type?
17:25No, you're not.
17:30That was so quick.
17:30He didn't even think about it.
17:32I think that would bother me if you said it that quick.
17:33Yeah.
17:34I think with you, I just sort of see, I like, want to protect you.
17:37Ah, that's nice.
17:39I see you as like a little sister almost.
17:41Oh!
17:41Oh, no, Morrie, what are you doing?
17:47Oh, fucking hell.
17:48Why have you said that?
17:49Well, there, he said it.
17:50If it's friend zone, like, sometimes you can get on with your friends, do you know what I mean?
17:53Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:54Once you put her in the sister box, you can't, incest, you can't touch her.
17:57Not Adam and Eve out here.
17:59It's the little sister vibes that I'm getting.
18:01Oh.
18:02He said it again.
18:02Again!
18:03He said it again.
18:04Always reinforcing it, isn't he?
18:06Well, I suppose at least he's not led her on.
18:09No, he's telling her.
18:10It's just, like, how I'm feeling right now, like, especially with the little sister vibes and stuff.
18:15I'm like...
18:15Are you still going all about it?
18:16Fucking leave it out.
18:17Do you know what?
18:19I actually can't wait to watch this again.
18:20Just to see how many more times he says she looks like his sister.
18:29In Leeds...
18:30What do you think of my new shirt?
18:32It's very art teacher.
18:34Very art teacher.
18:35It's very art teacher.
18:36I got it from a charity shop this morning.
18:39Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
18:42He's a very art teacher.
18:44I just don't know what my style is.
18:45No, I don't either.
18:48It's a bit Friar Tuck.
18:52I knew it rang a bell with someone.
18:53I couldn't put my finger on it, but it's not.
18:55It's not bloody Friar Tuck.
18:57We need a rosary and a rope belt.
18:59With that haircut as well.
19:01On Sunday night, Channel 4 was giving us that back-to-school feeling with the return of this.
19:11High school was probably one of the most hostile environments I've ever been to.
19:15It's like a prison with no prison guards.
19:18I feel sorry for teachers nowadays, I'd be honest.
19:21You wouldn't want to be a teacher nowadays, would you?
19:23The kids are little bastards, the feral.
19:26Over a decade ago, the nation fell in love with a school in Yorkshire.
19:31I can't believe it's been ten years since it's been on.
19:32I used to love the show, mate.
19:33I'm so glad it's back.
19:35I know.
19:35Now, the cameras are back.
19:37These lot are insane.
19:38Is it like Waterloo Road?
19:40No!
19:41That's made up, that's drama.
19:43This is a real school with real kids and it's just what's going on in the school.
19:48It's as if we were both going to school today and there was cameras in there.
19:52Oh, you wouldn't want to be recording me.
19:54No.
19:55Well, I was never in the classes to be recorders.
19:57Welcome to the world of education!
19:59My mum said I was misunderstood and because I was ginger, I always used to stick out.
20:05You were naughty, weren't you?
20:06I was naughty.
20:07Yeah.
20:08And I was at school with both my sisters-in-law, so when I turned up to marry their brother,
20:12it was their deepest, darkest nightmare, wasn't it?
20:14Well, it was quite weird, I must say.
20:16It's form time for the Year 8s and tutor Mr Geary is going over their behaviour points.
20:22He's getting the classic, easily distracted and then distracts others on his report.
20:28Yeah, that's what you used to get.
20:30In our day, it might have been called High Spirits, Mary, and it would have been knocked
20:34out of you.
20:35I think it's E numbers.
20:36Now, we're going to do your negatives.
20:38Ethan, one.
20:40Isaac, one.
20:42Nah, boy's struggling.
20:43He's a bit hyper, isn't he?
20:45Riley, nine.
20:47Nine what?
20:48Negatives for last week.
20:49Nah, negative.
20:51Oh.
20:55Oh, I shouldn't laugh.
20:56Do you know who he reminds me of?
20:57Macaulay Culkin.
20:58Yeah.
20:59We didn't really see a peep out of Riley in Year 7, so what's changed?
21:04Yeah.
21:05Something's happened.
21:06Riley, I've asked you once.
21:11If I ask you again, it'll be a verbal warning.
21:12And that's in form.
21:14You're not singing.
21:14Oh, no.
21:18It's just...
21:19It's funny.
21:20The first step for Mrs Delaney Hudson is to carry out a neurodiversity screening.
21:25There we go.
21:26Oh, this is how you discover ADHD and stuff.
21:29You had a dyslexia screening when you were five or six, and they said there might be a
21:34slight chance that you're dyslexic.
21:36And you are very dyslexic.
21:37And you're like...
21:38Do you want to know how we know it?
21:39The most dyslexic person.
21:41Do you have difficulty making out the sounds of words?
21:47Sometimes.
21:49Mm, no.
21:50Are you doing this test yourself?
21:51Yeah.
21:52Okay.
21:52Do you find that you can't explain why you did something?
21:56Yeah, often.
22:00Aw, sweetheart.
22:01He seems a compliant little chap, doesn't he?
22:06Mum, Bobby, has come in to meet Mrs Delaney Hudson for the results.
22:10Would there be anything worse than your mum having to come into school?
22:14Mortifying.
22:15Mortifying, yeah.
22:16Your teacher feedback is that you display more concerning behaviour traits after lunch.
22:23After lunch, something is eating.
22:25Wow.
22:26Oh, diet-related, Mary.
22:28That's what you said, wasn't it?
22:30That's what I suspected.
22:31Well, yeah, but is he eating loads of sugary shite that's making him...
22:35Lunchtime making him disruptive, have too much energy.
22:38Yeah.
22:38So, average daily diet.
22:41Wheat-a-bix.
22:42Nice.
22:43Well, I'd have said that's all right.
22:44It's roughage.
22:45Chocolate-wheat-a-bix, normally.
22:47Chocolate-wheat-a-bix.
22:48Yeah.
22:48Sugar, sugar, sugar.
22:49Well, I've never heard of chocolate-wheat-a-bix.
22:51Oh, Jane, come on.
22:52Yeah, but...
22:53Then he puts sugar on him.
22:54Chocolate-wheat-a-bix with sugar!
22:55That's not a crime.
22:56I put sugar on my weight-a-bix.
22:58Cup of coffee.
23:00Cup of coffee!
23:01He's having coffee!
23:03He's off his tits!
23:04Then sometimes he'll take a tube of Pringles out of cupboard.
23:07I think I used to have, like, I don't know, toast or cereal for breakfast.
23:11Toast with Nutella on, toast with jam, and then you'd go to school,
23:14and on your way to school, you'd stop at the shop,
23:16you'd get a bag of Transformers.
23:18Oh, yes.
23:18I'm quite confident that we might have found the trigger
23:21as to what causes some of his behaviour choices.
23:25Is that it?
23:25It's just loaded up with sugar and caffeine?
23:27Yeah, by the sound of it.
23:28Oh, Miss Marple's quite the case here.
23:30Well, thank you, Agatha Christie.
23:33Later in the programme, after a few tweaks to his diet,
23:37we caught up with Riley back in class.
23:39Riley, do you want to read down to across the land?
23:42The wind was just getting stronger and my shirt was flapping.
23:46I felt like I was up on airship because the whole belt frame was moving.
23:53I think he seems a lot calmer.
23:54Settling down a bit now, isn't he?
23:56Now he's not high as a kite on sugar.
23:58I'm so jealous he can read better than me.
24:01He's also 12th, by the way.
24:02Shut up.
24:03I think I could have done better in education.
24:05Well, I come out of school with two GCSEs,
24:07so I definitely could have done better.
24:09Yeah, you could have done with going back, really.
24:11But then I went to college and got functional skills,
24:13so it doesn't matter.
24:14Oh, not the functional skills.
24:16In Glasgow...
24:26Up at 5.30 tomorrow.
24:28Do you know what?
24:28Actually, once you're up, that's the problem.
24:30I had to buy myself, like, an alarm clock
24:32that will, like, ring at the other side of the room.
24:35Meet best mates Jake and Callum.
24:38But once you're up, it's like,
24:39you get up before the rest of the city does.
24:41That was great.
24:42Nice.
24:42All right, Batman.
24:43Yeah.
24:43Listen, Arkham needs me.
24:47I'm glad you're protecting our streets
24:49when I've still got another two hours sleep to get.
24:53On Sunday night, there was a brand-new game show
24:56from Beyond the Grave on Channel 4.
24:59I mean, it would be nice, wouldn't it,
25:01if you just got a fat inheritance off somebody,
25:04but it does mean that somebody has had to pass to the other side.
25:08No, it wouldn't be wonderful because you lost a loved one.
25:10Well, if it was...
25:11That's the difference between you and me.
25:12Greed.
25:15No.
25:16If it was someone that you weren't that arse about.
25:23You don't want tat leaving to your dear.
25:25Most people leave you tat.
25:27You think, what are you going to do with that?
25:28It's all they have all these house clearances.
25:30Nobody wants it.
25:31All they want is bricks and mortar and money.
25:33Yeah, but at least I thought that counts.
25:35Fuck the fort.
25:36Hello, darlings.
25:38That's Elizabeth Hurley.
25:40I have some bad news.
25:41Are you ready?
25:42She looks a bit AI.
25:43I don't like bad news.
25:45Looks good, though, doesn't she?
25:46Do you know how old she is, Jed?
25:47She'll be 70-odd, I should think.
25:49Oh, yeah, bitch.
25:50Oh, God, sorry.
25:51Here goes.
25:52I'm dead.
25:54Dead.
25:55Dead.
25:55Oh.
25:56Well, you're not, are you?
25:57Because you're just there.
25:59She's just there.
25:59She's not...
26:00Oh, unless you recorded it before she died.
26:02She died.
26:02When one perfectly proportioned door closes...
26:05...another one opens.
26:07And that's where you come in.
26:09Oh, she's speaking to all the people who are going to potentially inherit her wealth.
26:13I've got it.
26:13Each of you is in with a chance to get your hands on my generous assets.
26:20I'll tell you what, she's talking my language, here.
26:23My inheritance.
26:25Oh.
26:26I need to like Google if she's dead or not.
26:28She's not dead.
26:30And if she is, this is in very poor taste.
26:37Good morning.
26:38Oh, we love a bit of Rob Rinder.
26:41Love Rob Rinder.
26:42He's like whack-a-mole, nothing.
26:43As soon as he's been finished one thing, he pops up in another thing.
26:48He does.
26:49In the programme, Rob set the contestants off on their first task.
26:53To find, blend and bottle wine.
26:55Some of which was at the bottom of a lake.
26:58It's like walking through soup.
27:02Oh, he's gone in.
27:03Get stuck in, go on.
27:04I'm for sure going in that lake.
27:06Oh, he's straight in with his head under the water.
27:10God love him.
27:10Because I'm decent at swimming.
27:13And also, it's something that other people don't want to do.
27:16He's playing the game already.
27:17Yeah.
27:18So it looks like you've worked harder.
27:19Yeah.
27:20Doing the stuff that somebody else doesn't want to do.
27:23Yeah.
27:23The boy is strong.
27:25Wow.
27:26Come on.
27:27Oh my God.
27:29Everyone's loving Jesse's attitude towards this.
27:32You'd be like, guys, I'm sitting this one out.
27:35I want this money.
27:37I want to contribute.
27:38I want to show everyone I can be.
27:40You know, I am useful.
27:41Well, don't sub it then.
27:43Leave the bottles inside.
27:44Leave the bottles inside.
27:45There's a fucking weight.
27:46It feels like what most corporate away days end up spiraling into.
27:49Shut up.
27:50Shut up.
27:51I'm in a motion right now.
27:52Let me work.
27:53Shut up, please.
27:54Oh.
27:54She's not making any mates telling him to shut up, is she?
27:57It's really not giving teamwork, is it?
28:00Yeah.
28:01It's giving...
28:02They're going to hate you, girl.
28:03Oh my God, that whole raft is just going to sink.
28:05All those bottles.
28:07Oh no, they've lost them all.
28:08They're losing it.
28:09Oh, crumbs.
28:10So now they've lost bottles and those bottles is money.
28:14Yep.
28:15Oh shit.
28:15Zara's going to get rinsed for that.
28:17A bit later, after more fighting, Rinder was back with his big red book.
28:23Today, you've successfully released £5,600.
28:29Very nice.
28:31Ooh.
28:32Can I get a whoop whoop?
28:33Those who think they contributed most must step forward as a claimant.
28:39Jessie, step forward right now.
28:41Don't tell me Zara's going to put herself forward.
28:44She ain't done now.
28:44Today, I feel like I am the most valuable player.
28:48Go on, Jess.
28:51There you go.
28:52I'll do that.
28:53I'll object straight away.
28:56I cannot believe Zara is sat up there.
28:58The audacity.
29:00The absolute audacity.
29:02The audacity.
29:04The five cents.
29:07You guys should be.
29:08That's my bestie.
29:10What do you want to say?
29:11Do you want to just...
29:11When somebody is chatting out their arse, I have to stop them.
29:16Eee!
29:17Whoa!
29:18Shutting out their arse.
29:20Love it.
29:22This is what the show is all about.
29:25The jury...
29:26..has chosen Jessie as prime beneficiary.
29:30Jessie!
29:31Yay!
29:32Thank God.
29:34Jessie, you've inherited £5,600.
29:38It's a lot of money.
29:40It's now time to go to the strong room.
29:42What's the strong room?
29:43The what?
29:44What is that?
29:44That sounds really off.
29:46Like, really...
29:47I'm not going to be a Kristen Gray, though.
29:50That's what it sounds like.
29:52Jessie, welcome to the strong room.
29:55Right?
29:56What?
29:56You've got a decision to make.
29:58You may gift up to half of it to any of the members of the jury.
30:02You could buy a second-hand Skoda Yeti for that, Nutty.
30:05It's what we paid for ours, wasn't it?
30:06You can, of course, decide to keep it all.
30:09Oh, keep it all.
30:10Yeah.
30:11Now, Jessie, whether you choose to disclose what happens in this room
30:14is entirely up to you.
30:17There's the sneaky bit here, though.
30:18Yeah.
30:19Do you know what?
30:20I'd just say that I did put it in some in everybody's box.
30:24Yeah!
30:25And I'd keep it for myself.
30:27It's now time to decide.
30:29At the end of the day, the game is the game.
30:32Exactly, mate.
30:33This man's changed.
30:34I still love him.
30:35I don't care.
30:37He's playing a game and he's playing it right.
30:39That decision would be so easy for me.
30:41Like, keeping my money, honestly.
30:43I'm not sharing it.
30:44None of them did as much as Jessie did.
30:46Let's be honest.
30:47So, if Brad left us at Inheritance, you wouldn't share it?
30:52If she said, oh, it's all going to go to you, Amani,
30:54would you not feel bad and then think, why would I?
30:58Why would I?
30:59So, what if I'm living in the slums and you're out here
31:02kicking it up in a mansion?
31:04How's that right?
31:05Sorry.
31:06It's just your fate.
31:07What can I do?
31:11In the Cotswolds...
31:13Have you seen the village group, darling?
31:16There's two feral cats that hunt in the village.
31:19Yet again, the village WhatsApp group is enlightening the world.
31:23Meet Andrew and his husband, Alfie.
31:26Somebody in one of the big houses being called out for potentially promoting the feral cats
31:34to cull off the pigeon population, which seems to plague us.
31:36You are having a laugh.
31:38I mean, there are a lot of rutting pigeons in the village at the moment.
31:41That's what that flapping was in the hedge the other night.
31:43Yeah.
31:44I thought it was the next door neighbour doing something with their mats from their car or something.
31:49You know, when you shake a mat out from a car, it sounds like that.
31:52Yeah, I know.
31:53And then I thought it was a bird stuck in the hedge.
31:55Oh, yeah.
31:56No, they...
31:57Then I realised it's not.
31:58It's just pigeon shagging, yeah.
31:59On Saturday, there were more twists and turns from across the pond on the BBC.
32:05I'm interested in what's going on, absolutely.
32:07I can't understand anybody who says, oh, I hate politics.
32:10Because the life is politics, isn't it?
32:12Somebody said to me once they were going to start a happy news channel.
32:15That was me.
32:16Oh, that was you.
32:17You were about to slate it.
32:19I think it's a brilliant idea.
32:21The dogs are watching the news, Ellie.
32:22Oh, my God, look at them, they are.
32:24Fixated.
32:26Very highbrow, my dogs.
32:29Good afternoon.
32:31President Trump has criticised a US appeals court ruling
32:34that has found many of his global tariffs to be illegal.
32:38I'm not even shocked anymore, of course he is.
32:41That's so Trump.
32:42It deemed he had unlawfully invoked emergency powers to impose them.
32:46I don't trust him because he's teetotal.
32:48This is short of character for him.
32:50The ruling doesn't take effect until mid-October,
32:53which would give the US government time to ask the Supreme Court to review the case.
32:58He'll just get out of it again if they go to the Supreme Court.
33:02Well, there are all his people out there.
33:03Yeah, yeah, he's in with them all.
33:05There you go.
33:06You know, rather than them going through a lengthy Supreme Court thing,
33:10why don't they ask chat GPT whether it's legal or not?
33:14Mr Trump said the decision, if allowed to stand, would literally destroy America.
33:19I think that's probably an exaggeration.
33:21He's doing quite a good job of that himself, isn't he?
33:23He said the 2nd of April would be one of the most important days in American history.
33:28This is Liberation Day.
33:30Liberation from what?
33:32Like, why does no one ask that question?
33:35Yeah.
33:35It's gone from liberation to buggeration overnight.
33:40Commiseration.
33:41It's not liberation, dude.
33:44Ronald.
33:45Donald.
33:46Ronald.
33:47Donald.
33:48Ronald McDonald.
33:49On his Truth Social website, the President was undaunted.
33:54All tariffs are still in effect.
33:55That's on Truth Social, which is quite an ironic name.
33:58It's a bit rich.
33:59Look at that, all capitals at the top.
34:01He's shouting.
34:02That's a sign of a mad person.
34:05You text like that, Mum.
34:06No, I don't.
34:07You do?
34:08Excuse me, no.
34:09But even if the Supreme Court upholds this ruling,
34:12Trump could still impose similar tariffs through other legal routes.
34:15He said this ruling would literally destroy the United States of America.
34:20He won't give up on his tariff policies without a fight.
34:23He will just continue and bully on through.
34:26The only thing that's going to change it is people's reaction to it
34:29and the tariffs that they put on them,
34:31whether they're going to hurt America in any way.
34:33Oh, you sound semi-intelligent, darling.
34:35I mean, why is he introduced tariffs?
34:37Because he just wanted to piss people off.
34:39It's a bit like smart meters, innit?
34:42What?
34:42Yeah, a lot of people don't like them smart meters.
34:46What's that got to do with Trump?
34:48Well, now he hasn't introduced them,
34:49it's us who give us smart meters.
34:52They're all your life.
35:01In home.
35:02You haven't heard about my new bed here.
35:04You've got a new bed, have you?
35:06Yeah.
35:06Oh, I bet you're christening that, aren't you?
35:08Oh, I am.
35:09I'm going up and down, up and down, up and down.
35:12It's lovely, it's electric.
35:14Best friends Jenny and Lee.
35:17Up and down, up and down.
35:19That would annoy me, totally.
35:22I'd cut the bastard wires.
35:24No, it's lovely, I love.
35:25Laying next to somebody going,
35:26errrr, errrr, errrr, errrr, errrr.
35:30Ray said it's the most he's seen me move for a long time.
35:32On Monday night, a nail-biting new thriller
35:37had us on the edge of our seats on BBC One.
35:40God, we do love a good drama, don't we, darling?
35:43We do love a good drama.
35:44Less drama in our house, more drama on telly.
35:46Yeah, they don't have the dramas on in the summer, do they?
35:49No.
35:49Of course it's because everybody's barbecuing,
35:50they won't be watching this shag.
35:51Exactly, you don't, you don't have a drama.
35:54You don't have a drama in a barbecue, do you?
36:00The guest, here we go.
36:03Okay, all right.
36:04I love being a guest.
36:05Oh, yeah, you do,
36:06because you come here and get weighted on hand and foot.
36:08In the programme, we met a cleaner called Ria,
36:12arriving for her first day in a new job.
36:17Look at that pile.
36:18She wouldn't be doing her own shopping in Tesco's, would she?
36:21Imagine cleaning that.
36:23Christ, I wouldn't want to be clean.
36:24I'd take a good bloody fart, me.
36:25Import from the States, Asia.
36:30Is she an interior designer?
36:32It looks like she's, yeah.
36:34Europe, I mean, obviously,
36:36that's not as easy as it used to be.
36:38But we do refurbs, refits.
36:41She's got a tabard on.
36:42Just so we can all identify that she is the cleaner of the house.
36:45Of course.
36:45She's got a tabard on.
36:47Having taken her under her wing,
36:49Fran was keen for Ria to find a new boyfriend.
36:53Oh, hello.
36:54He's gorgeous.
36:56Oh, he is, isn't he?
36:57He is gorgeous, isn't he?
36:59Hi.
37:01I can't believe she's actually gone on this date.
37:03She's got a boyfriend.
37:05Yeah, it's good money.
37:06Like, most years, I clear 100k, isn't he?
37:11He's talking about money on the first date.
37:13Red flag.
37:14Ooh.
37:15Oh, my bingo wings are flapping.
37:17Uh, so, sorry, what about you?
37:19What do you do for, um, for work?
37:22Oh, what is she going to say?
37:23Oh, sorry, I'm, I'm, I'm, I run a company.
37:28Do you now?
37:31Yeah, um, hand finisher, light fittings,
37:34prefurbishments, that sort of thing.
37:36Oh, she's taking on the personality of Fran.
37:39Well, we just, we saw some of the world, the States, Asia, Europe, which isn't as easy as it used to be now, obviously.
37:47She's copying what Fran said earlier.
37:49Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
37:52That's really cool.
37:53Do you think there's a spark between them, Mary?
37:55It seems to be.
37:58A bit later, we saw Fran heading off for the weekend,
38:02leaving Ria in charge of the big fancy house.
38:11Oh, she's getting rid of all the pictures, all the evidence.
38:14She's going to have a dirty weekend in the house with the boyfriend, the new boyfriend.
38:19Hey.
38:20I wasn't sure if I was in the right house.
38:23Okay.
38:24You're not.
38:25You'd have a ring doorbell on a gaff like that, wouldn't you?
38:27Of course you would.
38:27How's he got up the drive?
38:29She's not left them gates open.
38:31Bloody hell.
38:32This is a bit nice.
38:33He's thinking he's landed on his feet here.
38:36Do you want to talk?
38:39Yeah.
38:39When I come round to your house, when I first met you, you didn't say do you want to talk?
38:44It would have took all of 20 seconds, wouldn't it?
38:46You're so fucking hot.
38:49The rats already were that escalated fast.
38:52La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
38:54Well, I read quite a lot of rumpy-pumpy novels because they help me go to sleep.
39:04Who's that?
39:05Who's that?
39:07Who's in that car?
39:08Hi, this is Mia.
39:09Please leave a message.
39:12Hi, it's me.
39:13Oh, it's Fran.
39:14I got halfway there and realised I forgot my bloody key.
39:17Oh!
39:18She's on her way home.
39:19Pictures.
39:20Man in the house.
39:21This is not going to go down well.
39:22Well, he says I should be there in ten minutes.
39:24Ten minutes!
39:25Shit!
39:26They're going to be caught in Plague Grante.
39:33Oh, turn it off!
39:35Answer the bloody phone!
39:37Thank God.
39:39Oh, she's checked.
39:40Thank God.
39:41Thank God.
39:41Thank God.
39:41Anyway, where he says I should be there in ten minutes?
39:44What are you going to do now?
39:46How's she going to cover up this one?
39:48I don't know.
39:48Who keeps calling you?
39:50Oh, he's getting a bit aggy, isn't he?
39:52My boyfriend is on the way back home, so I need you to leave.
39:55Oh!
39:57She's had me.
39:58She's got a boyfriend.
40:00I'm sorry.
40:00I'm sorry.
40:01This is fucked.
40:02This is fucked.
40:03It's going to get nasty.
40:04So, why are you being like that for?
40:05I'm not being like anything.
40:06Can you just leave, please?
40:07I've asked you.
40:08He's not going to leave now.
40:09I don't think he's going to, you know.
40:11He's off his rocker.
40:11Get out!
40:13Whoa!
40:13Get out!
40:14Get out!
40:14Get out!
40:15Get out!
40:16Oh!
40:17Oh, she's...
40:18Oh, my God!
40:23No, no, no.
40:25Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't!
40:27Run!
40:30Oh!
40:33This has gone from 0 to 100 in about 10 seconds now.
40:39Oh!
40:41Bloody hell!
40:44Get up!
40:45Get the fuck up!
40:46Oh!
40:48Whoa!
40:48Oh!
40:50Oh!
40:50Oh!
40:52Oh!
40:55Oh!
40:56Oh!
41:02She's got about two minutes to leave out the mess before the bus.
41:06My God, that was dramatic.
41:08This is proof as to why we shouldn't use dating apps, isn't it?
41:11Because it's the devil's playground.
41:13Yeah.
41:14Nothing good ever comes from a dating app.
41:16Well, it has never for me.
41:18Definitely hasn't for you.
41:20All right!
41:21What do you look like with them socks and slippers?
41:29I don't care.
41:30Teresa and her wife, Anita.
41:32When I met you, you had real high levels of, you know, dress sense.
41:39And you criticised a lot of what I wore.
41:42I had to throw out a flowery coat because of you.
41:44Well, you just hit the nail on the head there.
41:45What?
41:46When I met you, things changed.
41:47Oh!
41:51On Thursday night, there were more canine capers with the nation's favourite homeless hounds
41:56on Channel 4.
41:58Oh!
41:58Oh, it's the doghouse!
42:03It's OK.
42:04We're not getting it.
42:05Don't worry.
42:06Do you mind getting your feet off those?
42:08Sorry.
42:09You've had to eat my cheesy feet instead of your cheese straws.
42:13Do they taste good, these cheese straws?
42:14They're lovely.
42:15This house at the moment is bonkers.
42:20I've got six puppies, a Labrador and two Tibetan terriers.
42:2614-year-old Lucy has rallied the whole family in search of a four-legged friend to finally
42:31call her own.
42:32I hope they find something special for Lucy.
42:35I think for us it's about the personality and temperament of the dog more than necessarily
42:40the breed.
42:41You want a dog, this cut you, doesn't it?
42:43Cut you, do I.
42:44Do you want something she can have on her lap?
42:46Yeah.
42:46Like my Dachshund?
42:48Yeah.
42:48If she had my Dachshund, she would love it.
42:51She would love a Dachshund.
42:53Oh, I'm Pomeranian.
42:55Oh, wow, OK.
42:56They're quite small, aren't they?
42:57Pomeranian.
42:58Small, fluffy one.
42:59Yeah, but they're yuppie-loosie.
43:01Be very careful with them.
43:02Not all of them.
43:03Occasionally, you've said, haven't you, I'm lonely and I'd like a dog.
43:06Yeah.
43:07Give her a dog.
43:09Give her a dog, give her two.
43:10Oh, I want her to find a nice Pomeranian.
43:12She is going to find a nice Pomeranian.
43:13We've narrowed it down to two possibilities.
43:17OK.
43:18Oh, I wonder what they got for her.
43:20Who is it?
43:22Pomeranian.
43:23Perfect.
43:25Oh.
43:26Oh, that ticks every box for that.
43:27Bloody brilliant.
43:28I want you to understand that Fox is a stray.
43:32Fox.
43:33A stray Pomeranian?
43:35Yeah.
43:36How did that happen?
43:37Is there just like a pack of Pomeranians breeding in the wild somewhere?
43:41That would be a goldmine if we find it.
43:43I know.
43:43He has an affectionate side, but we don't know if he's ever lived in a house before.
43:49Oh, that's a bit tricky.
43:51It might not be good with people.
43:53So the other option is a little beagle.
43:56OK.
43:57And her name is Poppy.
43:59Oh, beagles are cute.
44:00Let's see both, Lucy.
44:01Don't jump the gun.
44:02Oh, I know he's going the other way.
44:32Go and see her.
44:35Please.
44:36Fox isn't obviously going to just come and curl up on your lap today, Lucy.
44:41Or maybe not even in a week.
44:42Or never.
44:44Exactly.
44:44It might not ever happen.
44:46And he doesn't like being picked up.
44:47Oh, well, what's your dream for, then?
44:49Oh, well, that's no god.
44:50Maybe they could have mentioned that.
44:51Yeah, and that would have been a good one to start with.
44:54Let's see.
44:56Oh, she's disappointed.
44:58Well, that's understandable.
45:00Fox is no good for her.
45:01Yeah, you can't even pick it up.
45:03Get out.
45:04Get it out.
45:04Get the next one.
45:05Why did they bring it in for her, then?
45:07Exactly.
45:10Oh!
45:11Oh, Poppy.
45:13This is Poppy.
45:15Hello, Poppy.
45:16Come on, Poppy.
45:17Come on, knock it out the court, Pops.
45:19Now, I like that dog instantly,
45:21because it's got the face of an old bloke.
45:23Poppy.
45:23Yes, yes, yes.
45:25Good girl.
45:26Woo-hoo!
45:27Up we go.
45:28Come to see Lucy.
45:29Come to see Lucy.
45:31Oh, that's better.
45:32Mother's like, come on, Poppy.
45:34Come on.
45:35Go ahead and fucking see Lucy.
45:39She said hello to you.
45:41She loves me.
45:43Oh, she likes her.
45:44Poppy might be the one.
45:45I think Poppy might be the winner.
45:49Yes, yes, yes.
45:51Lucy.
45:52I do love her.
45:55Poppy, I love you.
45:56Oh, she loves her.
45:58Oh, Poppy, I think you might have just found your forever home, sweetheart.
46:01Oh, it's making me cry.
46:02Oh, she's crying.
46:04Oh.
46:04It's making you cry.
46:06No.
46:06No.
46:08First, I thought she wanted the Pomeranian.
46:11Please make it work for her.
46:13But then everything worked out in the end and the bagel was actually better.
46:16The bagel.
46:18Not the bagel.
46:20What they're called?
46:21Beagle.
46:22Are they?
46:23Fucking bagel.
46:24So you have for your breakfast?
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