- 8 hours ago
- #familylockup
- #tvseries
- #fullepisode
- #drama
Dive into the premiere of Family Lockup, a gripping series exploring the dynamics of families facing incarceration. This episode introduces the core family unit as they navigate the initial shock and challenges of a loved one's confinement. Witness their emotional journey and the difficult decisions they must make to stay connected.
family-lockup family-drama incarceration prison-life family-support legal-challenges emotional-journey full-episode
#FamilyLockup #TVSeries #FullEpisode #Drama
family-lockup family-drama incarceration prison-life family-support legal-challenges emotional-journey full-episode
#FamilyLockup #TVSeries #FullEpisode #Drama
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TVTranscript
00:00Honestly, I didn't come here to hear all that.
00:11I don't know what to do.
00:12Addiction doesn't go away.
00:14I can't take this.
00:15Just be there.
00:16You know what?
00:17I can't deal with this kid.
00:18He doesn't want to help himself.
00:19You could support me and love me.
00:22That's all I need.
00:23Me being here and this particular thing, that's a miracle.
00:27It's ridiculous.
00:30For a lot of inmates, jail is a revolving door.
00:44We've learned that inmates without any family support are more likely to return to jail.
00:50Turn around, put your hands behind your back.
00:51I'm scared.
00:57I regret doing this.
01:00You need some change or there is no more support after this.
01:09Enough is enough.
01:15Lock it in now!
01:16I'm in prison with violent convicted criminals.
01:20You have to set yourself in war zone mentality.
01:25I'm going to go into a panic attack and need to be at the hospital.
01:29This is your lifeline.
01:36This is the person who's going to help you stay out of jail.
01:40For these inmates, this is their last chance.
01:43This is the opportunity to mend that broken bond and prove to their family members that they're going to get it right this time.
01:49You have to get it together, man.
01:54Like you, my heart now is.
02:04This is my last chance with you, to be honest.
02:06You want to either cause a death for your mom, you know what I mean?
02:08You're lying to me.
02:09I don't know how much more I can get.
02:26Having handcuffs on, it feels kind of humiliating.
02:30My name is Rick Sampson.
02:33I live in New Hampshire.
02:35It's a live free or die state.
02:37They treat it like a criminal.
02:39I mean, I'm willing to come here and give away all my freedom
02:42to see if my son Darren's ready to give up drugs
02:44and ready to come back to his family.
02:47Hold on board.
02:49With drug abuse, he's not my son.
02:51He's more like a monster.
02:562017, Darren was charged with manslaughter.
02:58His girlfriend overdosed and died from heroin,
03:03so he went to jail for approximately two years,
03:06and now he's in for violating his parole and drug abuse.
03:21When I first met my wife, Darren was three and a half,
03:25and so he is my stepson.
03:27I fell instantly in love with Darren when I saw him.
03:30He was such a cute little boy, smiling all the time.
03:35And he would say, Daddy, can we play wiffle ball?
03:38Can we do frisbee?
03:39Can we go do this or that?
03:43And the joy I felt being with him.
03:46It was the best decision I made in my entire life
03:49to be a father to Darren.
03:51Oh, my shoulders.
03:58I have a religious background,
04:00and I believe the more good you do out in the community,
04:04the more likely God's going to bless you.
04:06I'm grateful, Jesus, for your miraculous power.
04:10In Jesus' name, amen.
04:11Do you have any tattoos?
04:18No.
04:19Religion preference?
04:21Christian.
04:23All right, do me a favor.
04:24Go stand on the white feet.
04:25Look over at the camera, please.
04:27Darren and I have clashed over religion
04:28since he was a teenager.
04:30If he wasn't for what I believed,
04:34then I disconnected.
04:36Turn face that way.
04:38So at 13, I told him I wasn't his biological dad.
04:41He was very devastated.
04:43I believe it was the catapult for him
04:45to start using drugs.
04:46All right, you can go with him, please.
04:48His drug use escalated from pot and pills to heroin.
04:54He wasn't concerned about being a son, father.
04:58He was more in love with his drugs,
05:00and that's what caused me to really disassociate with him.
05:04Turn to 130, she didn't roll it over to the next.
05:06When Darren was 35, he got married.
05:10His wife died from complications during childbirth,
05:14and he drifted so far from us.
05:16For the next 10 years, we didn't even know
05:18if he was alive or dead
05:19until he was in the newspaper and on the news
05:23because the girlfriend overdosed on heroin and died.
05:27So Darren went to jail.
05:31And after that, he wanted to come to our house.
05:36But he came there to get clean,
05:38and I found syringes, and that was it for me.
05:43Last time I'd spoken with Darren was seven months ago.
05:46I would like Darren back in my life
05:53because I want to see my son back,
05:56and I want to know that he's going to quit drugs
05:58and do everything in his power to quit drugs
06:01by getting all the support and help that he needs.
06:04I'm going in to their world.
06:07It's not my world.
06:08It's their world.
06:09Darren, if you decide to be a drug addict,
06:12the family won't be there for you.
06:13If you get out there and that's all you want to do,
06:19we're not going to be part of your life.
06:22This is it.
06:22This is it.
06:52My name's Darren Sampson.
06:54Currently, I'm here for a violation of probation
06:57for a manslaughter charge that was an overdose
07:01and possession and distribution of heroin.
07:07My dad's gonna be here tomorrow.
07:08How old is he?
07:10Probably five or something,
07:11, somewhere around there.
07:14My father, Rick, he was always my father.
07:17He was really outdoorsy, kinda.
07:20We really liked hiking.
07:21We had some real fun times back then.
07:25I think the rift with my parents started
07:28when Rick got into religion.
07:30We were in a strict church
07:32and he was like all God and Bible based.
07:36When I was 17, I started dating this girl.
07:38It was like my first serious relationship.
07:41Shortly after that, she ended up pregnant.
07:44So my parents just cut me off.
07:46That was it.
07:48So I got into drugs
07:49and then my dad stopped talking to me around there.
07:52After that, I was on my own.
07:55I like the shirt, though.
07:57Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:58Yeah, he's real talented, man.
08:00I like a little comic here, if I feel right.
08:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:03I met my wife when I was around 30, around that time.
08:06We were married pretty soon after that.
08:08And then she became pregnant.
08:10For the cubs, he's real talented.
08:13One night around Christmas time, she had a headache.
08:18So I brought her to the hospital.
08:20They cetated her.
08:22They did an emergency C-section for my son,
08:25and she passed away.
08:28It hit me real hard.
08:30So I dove right into drugs.
08:34Honestly, heroin is just an escape.
08:38That's all it is.
08:39It's, you know, I don't want to deal with the world.
08:41I want to go somewhere else.
08:44My father's reaction to me using drugs,
08:46I have no clue, because we don't talk like that.
08:49Yo!
08:51Yeah, I drew all this stuff.
08:53Now I can just, like, almost draw anything.
08:55They never had any, like, guidance, no help.
08:58Like, I feel like I missed all that kind of stuff growing up.
09:02They got my dad's here.
09:03I'm thrilled that he's here.
09:06I really hope that this is some kind of sign
09:09that he wants to be a supportive, like, role model.
09:12I definitely need support and help when I get out of here.
09:27Coming into here is a big step of faith for me,
09:30because it's unpredictable.
09:32The behaviors are radical.
09:37Could be a chance I could get stabbed,
09:39punched in the face, kicked, whatever.
09:42But I'm here because I love my son.
09:44But I'm here because I love my son.
09:45But I'm here because I love my son.
09:49I'm here because I love my son.
09:50I love my son.
09:51One time.
09:52Bo PotatoΠ»Ρ by the love of Texas has been imprisoned.
09:53Have a nice, just a new chance.
09:54dancing, relaxing, dancing, dancing, dancing, dancing, dancing.
09:56T Prim ΡΡΠΈoste, dancing, dancing, dancing, dancing, dancing, dancing.
09:57Body, T Cop, dei Indicottio, that's the only way in the world's world's world.
09:58When he lets see what he's coming in from...
09:59Walking in, eyes were on me, like a new kid in the classroom.
10:16It can get crazy in here, you know.
10:18Rule number one, head on a swivel.
10:19People are in here for a reason.
10:21They're going to try to get over on you.
10:23One, two, three, four.
10:24You're uncertain if somebody's going to come up behind you.
10:30Okay.
10:37Because it is a dangerous place.
10:39It's not a place you really want to be in.
10:50They're trying to intimidate me by the loudness.
10:53Trying to see if I'm going to break and be a little baby.
11:04Gentlemen, we're getting started with rec time.
11:07Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
11:09Everybody knows we're going to die when you don't.
11:12So this is open hour time, right?
11:16The hardest thing is taking that first step out of the cell.
11:20Inmates everywhere, doing this and that.
11:24You're kind of hesitant because you're safe in your cell.
11:27I mustered up the courage.
11:28I'm ready to go out there.
11:31I'm being bold and confident in you, Father God.
11:36I walk very cautiously because I have to.
11:40I'm not outside.
11:42I'm in this place where there are criminals.
11:44It's scary.
11:59I just boldly went over there and said,
12:02if they beat me up, they beat me up.
12:04God bless.
12:06Bless God.
12:08Not good.
12:09Not here.
12:09I'm here.
12:10I'm here.
12:11God bless.
12:16Bless God.
12:22I'm here because Jesus is here.
12:26I'm good.
12:27I'm not here.
12:28I'm here.
12:29I'm not here.
12:30I'm not here.
12:31I don't have a problem with you.
12:32I love you guys.
12:33And I can look you in the eye and say it.
12:34As men, you are the army of God.
12:36As men, God has a destiny for you.
12:39Even though you're in this prison, you can free yourself.
12:49Oh, I said to go in?
12:51Okay, I don't want to miss the routine.
12:53I'll get in trouble.
12:54Talking to the men, scary.
12:56But I did step out in faith.
12:58Luckily, it didn't cause any problems.
13:00But who knows?
13:02Doing the wrong thing in a jail could get you killed.
13:06Looking for your angels and diminishing spirits here, Lord.
13:09Hi there, I'm here to see Darren Sampson.
13:24Okay, cell, 46.
13:26Great, thank you.
13:34Well, tell me a little bit about you.
13:38Why are you here?
13:39My friend OD'd, and they charged me for that.
13:45So were you doing drugs, too?
13:46Oh, yeah, yeah.
13:48Drugs have been part of your life, it seems like.
13:50Yeah, but it weren't like a real problem until my wife died at the end of 2012.
13:57How did she die?
14:00Complications of pregnancy.
14:02Man, I'm so sorry.
14:04To your wife, that wasn't about drugs, was it?
14:06No, no.
14:07That's when I lost it, and I just dove into heroin, like, head first.
14:11I still love her, you know.
14:14So did the baby survive?
14:16Yes, my son, he's fine.
14:17And how old is he?
14:1811, I think.
14:20So are you in his life at all?
14:21Not at this time, no.
14:23I haven't seen him since 2016.
14:27So where did the riff begin with your father?
14:31When I was younger, they were into the church, like, heavily.
14:35My father would kind of take care of strangers better than us.
14:40That's part of his Christian missionary stuff.
14:44Yeah, he'd, like, give everything he had.
14:47Is that one of the things you're kind of resentful of, that charity didn't begin at home?
14:52Uh, yeah, yeah.
14:54How did your mother and father react to your wife dying?
15:02Were they there for you for that?
15:03Uh, not really, so...
15:06Well, how does that feel?
15:09Your father wasn't involved after your wife died.
15:14Why the hell do you want him here?
15:16I want to give a chance, and I want to try and reconcile our relationship.
15:22You want to reconcile?
15:24Yes.
15:25One of the things is I want to get away from this general area.
15:28I was just living up there with them in New Hampshire.
15:30What are your very specific plans for staying off of heroin?
15:36Staying off of heroin, yes.
15:38Because I'm, I'm technically, I'm on Suboxone right now.
15:42So I'm completely okay with, with being on Suboxone.
15:45Okay.
15:46And possibly abusing it once in a while.
15:50And that's, and I'm just being honest here, like, that's...
15:53I'm glad, I'm glad you're being honest.
15:54I'm trying to actually be honest.
15:55I'm glad you're being honest.
15:57Yeah.
15:57Darren has had some devastating things happen in his life, but this plan of using Suboxone
16:05in a way that is not therapeutic, it's just not going to work.
16:10All it's going to do is really make that a gateway to now going from Suboxone, abusing that,
16:18to getting back into heroin and other drugs.
16:23That pain that you're holding inside of you is eating you up alive.
16:30But it's okay.
16:32It's okay to let it out, brother.
16:34No.
16:34Not here.
16:35It's okay.
16:35No.
16:36Listen, you can't medicate it away.
16:39You've got to work through it.
16:40I know.
16:41Rick.
16:52Yo.
16:53How you doing?
16:53Good.
16:54My name's Unit Manager Devine.
16:56I'm going to take you over here into one of the offices.
16:58Sounds good.
16:58One over.
17:04Just have a seat right here.
17:05All right, Rick, so I'm kind of here to just clear any kind of questions up that you may
17:11have.
17:12I've seen you haven't visited him at all.
17:13Yeah.
17:14I wasn't ready to even come face to face with Darren.
17:18Since he's been in here, he has been caught a couple times with drugs in his possession.
17:26K2, which is synthetic marijuana, he was found with the K2 during a shakedown in his cell.
17:31Guys are getting their hands on it where there's some other chemical substances in there that
17:36are not just a drug, but there's some other stuff involved that you don't want to be putting
17:39inside your body.
17:41You know, it looks like he had a dirty urine as recently as February.
17:47I honestly thought him being in here, the reason why I'm here now, because he's clear-headed,
17:52because he hasn't gotten any drugs, he can't get drugs, he can't get heroin.
17:55Yep.
17:56But obviously, he might be not clear-headed.
17:58Where he's at now, he's a long way from being completely self-sufficient.
18:03He's going to get out of here.
18:04I mean, you know, the problem is, they've been a little more sober in here.
18:08When they go try to use the same amount or the same thing they were doing, he's not used
18:12to it.
18:12He may not make it back in here.
18:14He could overdose.
18:17I thought it was serious before, but now it just got deeper for me.
18:22In my experience, that drug addiction is going to kill him.
18:26Okay.
18:26It's hard.
18:27It hurts.
18:28It's a wake-up call for me.
18:32That's my little boy.
18:35That's my son.
18:38For me to come in here and hear the truth, it hurts as a father, but it also hurts because
18:44I never got involved.
18:46It's never too late.
18:50There could be a chance for Darren to rehabilitate.
18:55That's why I'm here now.
18:56I had a lot on my mind last night thinking about myself.
19:14I had a lot on my mind last night thinking about my son Darren, what I'm going to say.
19:28Yeah, I didn't sleep too good so loud in here, light from outside the window, people constantly talking.
19:38The bed's not designed for comfort.
19:41It's a torture machine.
19:42This is an environment that I'd never experienced before, and it is difficult, and it is stirring
19:51me up in many ways that I didn't think I was going to get stirred up.
19:54As a parent, for any child that's addicted to drugs of any kind, you've got to be involved
20:05to some measure.
20:08You can't just not be part of it.
20:10That's your child.
20:12I did nothing.
20:16I love my son.
20:19It doesn't matter if he's 41, and my heart.
20:24He's still in my little boy.
20:47So you get the door?
20:54It's probably been about seven months since I've seen my dad.
21:01Him being here is kind of a huge thing for me because I was already thinking about going
21:06back to New Hampshire, at least the area that my family's in.
21:10What happens here while my dad is here will definitely change how that factors in because
21:16right now on the outside, I barely have any friends.
21:19There's just no one from my old life that still wants to be in contact with me.
21:25So, like, my family's pretty much all I have.
21:29But I don't know what it's going to take to try and fix the relationship with my dad.
21:33Going into this meeting with Darren, I need to hear, Dad, I'm going to do it.
21:40I'm 100% in.
21:42Nothing's going to stop me.
21:45I'm going to be relentless.
21:47I'm going to hate these drugs, and I'm just going to love my family, love my kids.
21:51And if he can tell me any measure of that, that will be the beginning.
21:57But if he isn't serious about this, he's not getting another chance.
22:11Why are you crying?
22:13I'm crying.
22:14Why are you crying?
22:16Hmm?
22:20All right.
22:20I think we need to sit down.
22:22I know you're going to want to hold me forever.
22:23I know.
22:27It's crazy that you came in here, and I was crazy.
22:30It is.
22:32You're my first son, and you don't want to go visiting your son.
22:36In jail, you want to go visiting your son at his house or his apartment.
22:40Gentlemen.
22:41Yeah.
22:42Good to see you both.
22:44How's everything going?
22:45Good, good.
22:46So, let's get right to it.
22:48All right.
22:49What are some of the major issues in your relationship?
22:55Religion.
22:55Religion.
22:56Yeah.
22:56All right.
22:57So, let's talk about it.
22:58It felt like you cared more about the people at the church than us.
23:03And specifically you.
23:05Yeah.
23:06Yes.
23:07I neglected him.
23:09We had a little contact.
23:10We had a little contact at one point.
23:13So, a lot of conflicts over the years, Rick, drug use, and so on.
23:21That's just not your thing at all.
23:23At one point, your son came to live with you.
23:27What happened?
23:28Well, your mother didn't ask me.
23:32For me, when you did come, I thought you would have been better to be in a place where they're trained and understand what you need for help.
23:41And when you went there, had you been off of the drugs?
23:46Yeah.
23:47Yeah.
23:47Okay.
23:47So, then what the hell happened?
23:50Well, it started off slowly.
23:52We're going out to drink.
23:54Eventually, he had a girlfriend that he would start bringing up to New Hampshire.
23:58And then they had a tent outside, and there was a bag.
24:02And I noticed there were seven syringes out there.
24:06How did that go over with the family?
24:07I didn't tell anyone because, because I don't know what to do.
24:21And so, I just disconnected more.
24:27There's no excuse, Darren.
24:29Let's talk a little bit about your plan for rehab.
24:38Are you going to do a 12-step program?
24:40No, not at all.
24:41Why not?
24:42Anytime I go to any kind of therapy, AA, anything, I just meet people that want to use drugs.
24:49Okay.
24:51And what about the suboxone?
24:53Do you know what suboxone is?
24:56No, not really.
24:56Suboxone, it allows you to not have the withdrawal and to not have the high that comes with taking the drug.
25:07So, when I first came out, there's going to be times where I want to get high, and I'd rather abuse the suboxone a little.
25:14You know what I mean?
25:14Instead of going and trying to use something else.
25:18See, I don't understand that.
25:19Because anything abused is bad.
25:21All right.
25:22But I'm not going to pretend that I'm not going to get high once in a while.
25:26Because I'm going to get pissed off.
25:28I'm going to have problems.
25:30Honestly, I didn't come here to hear all that.
25:32There is something else.
25:32Yes, there is other coping methods.
25:34I'm not saying there's not.
25:35If you really want to do it, there's something you can do inside.
25:38We can't talk about this.
25:39That's why I came to the house in the first place.
25:41Now I find you didn't want me.
25:42We couldn't do nothing for you there.
25:43We couldn't do nothing.
25:44We don't know.
25:45We're not trained.
25:45You can support me and love me.
25:47That's all I need.
25:49I can't take this.
25:50It's showing me a place that I am triggered.
25:53It's that overwhelming.
25:56You could support me and love me.
26:03That's all I need.
26:04I can't take this.
26:06It's showing me a place that I am triggered to the point that I can feel the weight of it.
26:11And this right now is really pushing me.
26:14But here's the thing.
26:15And being pushed is good.
26:17Just be there.
26:18But he is here now.
26:19I know he is here now.
26:20But this is like the only time he's been here ever.
26:23I'm trying to be nice.
26:24That's all I'm trying to be.
26:24I think we're at an impasse here.
26:27Yeah.
26:27Do you have any regrets?
26:29Of course.
26:30Of course.
26:30There's just nothing I can do about it now.
26:33I have a homework assignment for you, Darren.
26:35All I want you to think about is when you have the need to get high because of some frustration.
26:41Yeah.
26:42There is coping messes and stuff.
26:44Yes.
26:44I want you to think about that.
26:46Mm-hmm.
26:46And I want you to bring that back tomorrow and let's discuss that.
26:51But I do have to ask one last thing.
26:55Whether you've been completely clean while you're here.
27:01No.
27:01You have not been.
27:02No.
27:02Okay.
27:04I'm a loss for words.
27:07It bothers you.
27:08Honestly, I didn't come here to hear all that because it's just overwhelming all this.
27:12I know, but your son needs for you to be brave.
27:14I know.
27:15You made it this far.
27:17Me being here in this particular thing, that's a miracle.
27:20This is a miracle.
27:21It is a miracle.
27:24This is part of your healing.
27:28Your homework assignment.
27:30I need for you to be present for your son.
27:32It's the next step in your healing and it's the next step in his healing.
27:38Good work.
27:39To be continued.
27:40All right.
27:41All right?
27:41All right.
27:51Even though me and Darren went through something really tough,
28:21through the therapy session.
28:23You got to scan me?
28:23Yeah, you got to scan him at least.
28:26I felt like we're a father and son.
28:28I felt like we belong together.
28:31Oh, lucky seven.
28:33I was six downstairs, wherever I was.
28:35I'm right above you.
28:36Yo, pop seven.
28:38Yeah, just throw you in there and do whatever you got to do.
28:41It doesn't matter.
28:44How you doing, man?
28:45Jose.
28:45Jose, nice to meet you, Jose.
28:47Rick.
28:47Rick.
28:47Nice to meet you.
28:48Obviously, we don't see eye to eye with most things,
28:53but seeing my dad in here, it's kind of fantastic that this happened.
28:57This is actually a nicer unit than the other one, I think.
29:01This one, yeah, it might look nice, but it's like the worst one to live in.
29:05Like, half these people are in gangs.
29:08They're all gang bangers.
29:10They gave you two sheets.
29:21I definitely need one of those when you leave, all right?
29:24So listen, there's a pod downstairs that's the hole, like, solitary.
29:30Yeah.
29:31These toilets connect down there, and people rip those sheets up and fish.
29:37They can send stuff back and forth.
29:38Oh, geez.
29:39That's why there's, like, no sheets ever.
29:41The stuff that goes on in a jail.
29:43I know.
29:44It's crazy, right?
29:45Amazed.
29:46Yeah, I mean, you'd think that they would not have the hole directly below the substance abuse unit,
29:53but they're kind of asking for it.
29:56All right, so they're about to lock us down.
29:58Okay.
29:59These vents all connect, so if you really want, you can yell up there, and I'll be up there.
30:04All right?
30:05Yeah.
30:06Yeah.
30:08I'm going to shut the door.
30:12Never thought I'd be in a deal with my son.
30:16I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.
30:18Oh, f***.
30:23After a meeting with Darren, the plan he gave me, I'm not satisfied with it.
30:47To me, it's too unstable.
30:48And so I'm hoping somehow, before I leave here, that I could change his mind to have
30:53a better plan with better goals that are more beneficial for him and for his family.
30:59How do you like it here?
31:00What do you think about all this?
31:01Oh, this cell is the best cell ever.
31:03I got two rolls of toilet paper.
31:05And even though I got a short window, I want to be able to try to touch a place of his heart
31:09that I can get from him by tomorrow, a full, complete commitment that he wants to recover
31:14fully, without any hesitation.
31:16I came here for you because our family, I'm here because our family wants you to know
31:31that we love you.
31:32I know everyone loves me.
31:33I know.
31:34When I go back to them tomorrow, they're going to be asking me all kinds of questions about
31:39you.
31:39What am I supposed to tell them?
31:42I honestly don't know.
31:44Tell them I'm doing fine right now.
31:47They're going to ask me, does Darren got any plans, any idea, any goals?
31:51I don't want to make any more plans there.
31:55Darren, if you go back to getting high all the time, we won't be there for you.
32:00It's not going to work.
32:01Yeah.
32:02Next 24 hours, what I need to see is a father from my son, a willingness to go further and
32:10deeper.
32:10I don't want to leave here with him partially or half-heartedly in.
32:14I want him to be all in.
32:16I want another chance.
32:17I know.
32:17So do I.
32:18We all do.
32:18If I'd be patient with me, as I would be patient with you, and I think we can do this.
32:22Yeah, we think we can do that.
32:23You think we can do this?
32:24You're too much for me.
32:25I can't take you seriously.
32:26I'm trying to get that boy out that laughed all the time.
32:29It was on my shoulders.
32:30Because I got every picture of you.
32:32You know?
32:33Every picture.
32:33I honestly didn't know you still have one.
32:35Yes, I do.
32:36I wouldn't be out here if it wasn't real.
32:38This is real.
32:59All right, let's head over.
33:00All right, let's do the work.
33:06Darren, how are you, buddy?
33:08All right.
33:09Good to see you today, man.
33:11Have a seat.
33:12This is the last time I'll be meeting with the two of you.
33:16And I've got to ask you a question, Rick.
33:19Were you available to your son when his wife passed away?
33:24No, I wasn't.
33:25How did that feel?
33:33You seem very alone right now.
33:37I don't know.
33:37I'm so used to it.
33:38I don't know what to say.
33:40Rick, you want to address that?
33:41In retrospect, I should have been there.
33:44I was more obsessed with memorizing the whole Bible, more obsessed with trying to go do good for other people and put them ahead, a priority of my own family or my own son.
33:58Why were you so obsessed with it?
34:01Because I had a lot of self-hatred.
34:03And then it brought me to a place where I felt forgiven.
34:09And that feeling that forgiven was like a drug.
34:12And I got addicted to it.
34:15Do you know what your dad means by self-hate?
34:19I know what it feels like.
34:20What does it feel like for you?
34:23It's just, it's really hard to, like, respect yourself.
34:27And then, like, you know, things happen to you and you feel like they're supposed to, like bad things.
34:33I want to come back to that.
34:36But can you tell your son why you hated yourself?
34:43My dad, from when I was born, would beat me and verbally abuse me.
34:50I thought if my dad hates me that much.
34:58Yeah, I know that.
34:59Yeah.
34:59I feel like I'm not worth nothing.
35:00I feel like I have no value than my own father could do that to me.
35:15And so I went through life hating myself.
35:18I didn't know about the self-hatred.
35:20I didn't know we actually had some similarities in the way we felt.
35:25Like, I had no clue.
35:26I thought we were an absolute different ends of the spectrum.
35:29It's interesting that you became addicted to religion to deal with your trauma.
35:36And you became addicted to heroin to deal with your trauma.
35:42Well, I really want to wrap it up with us by coming up with a plan.
35:49So let's start with you, Darren.
35:52I'm definitely getting anywhere away from Springfield and Holyoke.
35:56Okay.
35:57How does this sound so far to you?
35:59Very good.
36:00So far, so good.
36:00100% good, yes.
36:02What else did you come up with, Darren?
36:04Uh, so obviously I'm going to stay in my opioid treatment meds.
36:08Okay.
36:09The Suboxone.
36:10One of the things that you brought up, you said you were going to abuse the Suboxone every
36:17once in a while.
36:18What about that plan?
36:20I'm just saying that's okay with me if that happens.
36:23It's not something I want to do.
36:26Great.
36:26You don't want to do it.
36:28Okay.
36:28Because you said that's what you were going to use as an alternative, but now you're saying
36:33you have other alternatives.
36:34Mm-hmm.
36:35Okay.
36:3612-step program, are you thinking about that?
36:38No, I...
36:39I...
36:40Don't close the door on a 12-step program.
36:42That's all I'm asking.
36:44Okay?
36:46Do you think you can stop using in here right now?
36:49Um, I don't think it's going to happen right away, but I will try.
36:54So now we know.
36:56What do you think, Rick?
36:57No, I can't deal with this kid.
36:59He doesn't want to help himself.
37:01I don't know what to do.
37:03About what?
37:03Addiction doesn't go away.
37:07It's ridiculous.
37:14No, I can't deal with this kid.
37:16He doesn't want to help himself.
37:18I don't know what to do.
37:19About what?
37:20Addiction doesn't go away.
37:22It's ridiculous.
37:23can you be there for him when he's released from here and starts his journey into wellness
37:31i cannot be honest
37:35it's hard because i need to see the action i want you to be working on getting clean
37:45and if he doesn't do it i don't think it's going to work out he's put this family through a lot
37:51of this drug abuse and so this is the last straw and it's you to be the man the loving man
37:58the son that i want you to be not as a drug i need you as my father all right guys good luck
38:15i still have some doubts because darren can be deceiving and he could lie
38:21so you're back there and if he starts getting back to drugs i don't want to live that life with him
38:29as he expects results from me i expect results from him and i'm going to hold him to that
38:33and it's not going to be easy because this is a matter of life or death
38:52it's my last peanut butter milkshake in here yo that's your favorite
38:55you're anxious nah i just want to get out of here yeah good luck bro thank you
39:04i've been here 13 months six months since my dad's been here ready to go home
39:08do good though yeah i will a lot of people to get out they don't make it
39:13just dying out there bro no i know i know it's no joke
39:17i'm done with all that out of here good i made my vows today and i'm ready to stay sober
39:23once i get out of here all right sobriety wise i started doing meditation and yoga
39:30it definitely helps is a coping mechanism as far as recovery wise i'm gonna try and find somewhere
39:38on the outside to do yoga definitely meditate on my own i'm out
39:44then i'm thinking about volunteering possibly at like a recovery center or something
39:51i'm feeling great feeling great ready to go
39:54i'm going through this experience with my dad uh one thing i learned that we're we're both full
40:03of self-hatred so when i get released i hope that me and my father can work on our issues uh
40:09possibly together and resolve some stuff can you see your id bracelet and you work through this
40:15and they'll actually be there for me when i need them so you're all set he's going to take
40:20you out you are free to go all right thank you i'm ready to put this place behind me i won't ever
40:26come back here i'm gonna feel disappointed if my family's not there for me because without their
40:33support i don't know if i can do this on my own good luck thank you
40:38oh don't start that all right
40:54i'm here today to support my son and to be there for him and welcome home
41:00going through this experience it showed me that i gotta support him more
41:04i love you i love you too huh be more emotionally connected with him understanding and patient
41:12with him that he may fall and i gotta be there to help him back up and not abandon him
41:23if he does falter to be there quickly to try to get him back on the right path
41:28you're free hey johnny and not get upset because he's not perfect and i don't expect him to be
41:36perfect so i'm so glad you're home i keep encouraging him because he's very intelligent i don't see him
41:42not succeeding all right let's go as long as he keeps focused on what his goals are in life for what
41:49he wants since i've been out i've been really busy with doing a lot of family time and then i got my
42:01job back i've been working my transition has been very easy having this where my family feels great
42:07i'm i'm very blessed right now i've been staying with my sister and my nephew it's not far from here
42:13i'm extremely proud of him that he's putting forth that effort and that he is committed and he is all in
42:19having my son back is like having another chance with him i mean i've seen a change in him we're
42:25getting better at communicating between each other the experience that we had together was definitely
42:31the seed and we got a little sprout going never wanted to go to jail but i did it for him and i was
42:37glad i did because if i didn't have that experience with darren i don't think we'd be sitting here right
42:42now oh definitely not i'm just grateful that i have my son back
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