Yes Minister S03E03 The Skeleton in the Closet

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Tv, Yes Minister S03E03 The Skeleton in the Closet   #YesMinister

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00:30Item seven. What is item seven?

00:44Well, if I may just recapitulate, Minister.

00:47Ahem.

00:47Yes, Bernard. Sorry, Minister.

00:49You can't actually recapitulate an item if you haven't started it yet.

00:54Thank you, Bernard. Where would we be without you?

00:58May I continue, Minister?

00:59So, recapitulating on our last meeting and on our submissions and minutes,

01:02which you've doubtless received in your boxes, Minister.

01:04Doubtless, yes. Yes.

01:08What minute, Humphrey?

01:09The proposal to take disciplinary action against the South Derbyshire local authority.

01:13Ah, yes.

01:18Remind me, Bernard.

01:19Well, they failed to complete their statutory returns

01:21and supply us with the statistical information that we require.

01:24Oh, yes. Well, what are we going to do about it?

01:25The action we could take, you mean?

01:27Well, a rebuke from the Minister.

01:29A press statement about their incompetence,

01:31the withholding of various grants and allowances,

01:33or ultimately, as you are no doubt, fully aware...

01:35Yes, yes, of course.

01:37Good.

01:37I'm fully aware of what?

01:43What?

01:44What am I fully aware of?

01:47I can't think of anything.

01:49I mean, I can't think of what you're fully aware of.

01:51Ultimately, as I am fully aware of.

01:52Oh, yes, ultimately, taking the local authority to court.

01:55Sorry.

01:56Is it really that serious?

01:58Serious? It's catastrophic.

01:59Why?

02:00If local authorities don't send us the statistics that we ask for,

02:04then government figures will be a nonsense.

02:06Why?

02:07They'll be incomplete.

02:09But government figures are a nonsense, anyway.

02:10I think so.

02:12I think Sir Humphrey wants to ensure they're a complete nonsense.

02:16No, no.

02:18But why should we make an example of South Derbyshire?

02:21Well, why do you object?

02:23Is it because the council controlled by your party?

02:26No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:28But just, couldn't we just pick on an opposition council?

02:32Oh, Minister.

02:34Is South Derbyshire really all that bad?

02:36Terrible.

02:37Why?

02:37They won't return their blue forms.

02:41They still haven't completed last year's employment trends questionnaire.

02:45And they replied to our ethnic personnel breakdown request in longhand.

02:49Oh, longhand.

02:50On the back of a departmental circular.

02:52We still haven't had their social worker revised case load analysis for the last two quarters.

02:57Oh, dear.

02:58Or their distributed data processing appropriation tables.

03:01They're unbelievable.

03:02Really evil.

03:04Well, because they won't return their forms in triplicate?

03:07Yes, I really don't see how life can still go on in Derbyshire.

03:11Exactly, Minister.

03:12You see, they rarely are in a class of their own for incompetence.

03:16Have they no redeeming features?

03:17Well, it is fascinating, Minister.

03:19Well, if that's all right, Minister, we can take the appropriate coercive action.

03:23Well, the Minister might like to know.

03:24Yes, well, I take it that you approve, Minister.

03:27Yes, well, it's a difficult one.

03:29They're friends, you see.

03:30They are no friends of good administration.

03:33Well, give me 24 hours.

03:34Yes.

03:35I'll have to square the party organisation,

03:37get the chairman invited to one of those drinky-do's at number 10 or something.

03:42Soften the blow.

03:43Right, anything else?

03:44No, I think that seems to be all right.

03:53Richard, I need your advice, if you can spare a moment.

03:55Oh, yes, of course.

03:59Bernard, I'm not happy about disciplining South Derbyshire.

04:03Oh, why not, Minister?

04:05Instinct.

04:06Dr Cartwright seemed to be trying to tell me something.

04:10I think I'll drop in on him.

04:12Oh, no, no, no, I wouldn't do that, Minister.

04:13Why not?

04:14Well, it is understood if ministers want to know anything,

04:16it will be brought to their notice.

04:18If they go out looking for information, they might,

04:20well, they might...

04:22Find it?

04:23Yes.

04:25Sir Humphrey does not take kindly to the idea of ministers just dropping in on people.

04:29Going walkabout, he calls it.

04:32The Queen does it?

04:34I don't think she drops in on undersecretaries,

04:36not in Sir Humphrey's department.

04:38What's his room number?

04:39Now, I must formally advise you against this, Minister.

04:42Advice noted.

04:42Room 4017.

04:46Turn one flight, second corridor on the left.

04:49If I'm not back in 48 hours, send out a search party.

04:51Hello, Graeme, it's Bernard.

04:57Look, I think you'd better tell Sir Humphrey that the Minister's just gone walkabout.

05:01Yes.

05:02Yes, AWOL.

05:03Well, of course I told him, yes.

05:07I know.

05:09I think you'd better let him know right away.

05:13One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

05:25What's all this about?

05:28The Minister's just left the office, Sir Humphrey, that's all.

05:32That's all?

05:32Oh, do you mean he's loose in the building?

05:36Why didn't you warn me?

05:37Well, I did advise him, Sir Humphrey, but he is the Minister.

05:40And there's no statutory prohibition against Ministers talking to their staff, is there?

05:44Who's he talking to, Bernard?

05:46Perhaps he was just restless.

05:48If the Minister's restless, Bernard, he can feed the ducks in St James's Park.

05:52Yes, Sir Humphrey, yes.

05:54And now tell me who the Minister's talking to.

05:57Well, surely the Minister can talk to anyone.

06:01Bernard.

06:02I'm in the middle of writing your annual report.

06:07Now, it is not a responsibility that either of us would wish me to discharge whilst I'm in a bad temper.

06:16Well, who's the Minister talking to?

06:21Well, perhaps you could help me with this, Sir Humphrey.

06:23Mm-hmm.

06:23I can quite see that you should be told if the Minister calls on an outsider, but I fail to see why you should be informed if he just wants to, er...

06:31To take a hypothetical example, to check a point with Dr Cartwright...

06:36Dr Cartwright.

06:37Thank you, Bernard.

06:38Thank you, Bernard.

06:39Room 4-0-1-7.

06:41I know.

06:41So, all those things they told me about South Derbyshire Council, are they true?

06:48They may be, for all I know.

06:49Well, what are you saying?

06:51I'm saying that, nevertheless, South Derbyshire is the most efficient local authority in the UK.

06:55The most efficient?

06:56I'm supposed to be ticking them off for being the least efficient.

06:59Look at the figures.

07:00I thought they didn't send us any.

07:02No.

07:02But they keep their own records perfectly well.

07:07I'm going on those.

07:08Look.

07:10They've got the lowest truancy record in the Midlands.

07:14The lowest administrative cost per council house.

07:17Lowest ratio in Britain of council workers to rate income.

07:20A clean bill of public health with the lowest number of environmental health officers.

07:24What environmental health officers?

07:26Rat catchers.

07:29Virtually all the children can read and write.

07:31Even though they've had a progressive education.

07:35Oh, yes.

07:35And they've got the smallest establishment of social workers in the UK.

07:38Is that supposed to be a good thing?

07:40Oh, yeah.

07:41Sign of efficiency.

07:43Parkinson's law of social work, you see.

07:46It's well known that social problems increase to occupy the total number of social workers available to deal with.

07:52And all these figures are okay, are they?

07:54Oh, yes, I assure you.

07:56Richard, I wonder if I...

07:59Good heavens, Minister.

08:01Humphrey, what a coincidence.

08:04Yes, indeed.

08:05What a surprise.

08:06Yes.

08:08I was just...

08:10Passing.

08:12Passing?

08:13Yes, passing.

08:15Oh, passing.

08:16And where were you going?

08:17I was just going past.

08:22Passed the door.

08:24Part right, Richard's door.

08:25And I thought, hello?

08:30And then did you think anything further?

08:33Yes, I thought, why should I just pass the door?

08:36Why don't I open it?

08:38Good thinking, Minister.

08:39That's what doors are for.

08:40Quite a good idea.

08:41And there were one or two points I wanted to clear up.

08:45Oh, good, good, good, good.

08:46What points?

08:47Oh, just a couple of odd points.

08:49Yes, a couple of odd points.

08:50Yeah.

08:52How odd?

08:53Oh.

08:55Not all that odd.

08:56We just had a meeting.

08:58Minister, I wonder if I could have a word with you.

09:00Yes, of course, as soon as Dr Carter...

09:02No, I mean now.

09:03Oh.

09:04All right, carry on.

09:05No, upstairs, Minister, in your office, if you don't mind.

09:08I'm sure Richard doesn't...

09:09No, upstairs, Minister.

09:10I'm sure that Dr Cartwright can spare you for a few moments.

09:13Well, well.

09:14Thank you, Richard.

09:15Minister, please.

09:16Yes.

09:16You may go, Bernard.

09:46Now, Minister, what was all that in aid of?

09:50I have learned some very interesting facts.

09:52Well, I sincerely hope it does not happen again.

09:55Beg your pardon.

09:56You simply cannot go round speaking to people in the department.

10:00Why not?

10:01Minister, how can I advise you properly if I don't know who's saying what to whom?

10:04I must know what is going on.

10:06You simply cannot have completely private conversations.

10:09Now, supposing you're told things that are not true.

10:12Well, if they're not true, you can probably write.

10:14But they may be true.

10:16Well, that is not entirely false, but misleading, open to misinterpretation.

10:21I believe you're trying to keep things from me.

10:23Absolutely not, Minister.

10:26Minutes must be taken.

10:27Records must be kept.

10:30You won't be here forever, you know.

10:31Nor will we.

10:32In years to come.

10:33It may be vital to know what you were told.

10:36If Cartwright were moved tomorrow, how could we check on your information?

10:40Cartwright won't be moved tomorrow.

10:42Oh, really?

10:42Alexander's from the Mail to see you, Minister.

10:47Oh, hang on a moment, Bernard.

10:48I'd like you to minute this conversation.

10:50Everything must be minuted, you know.

10:52Sit down, won't you, Humphrey?

10:55Now, South Derbyshire Council.

10:57Oh, just a minute, Minister.

10:59Yes, that's what I said.

11:00South Derbyshire Council.

11:01Well, Dr Cartwright told me that it is the most efficient council in Britain.

11:06Inefficient, I think he means, Minister?

11:08Efficient, Humphrey.

11:09Economical, effective.

11:11They're just not very interested in sending bits of blue paper to Whitehall.

11:14But they have to send them.

11:16Why?

11:16It is a statutory requirement.

11:19And if they don't, Britain carries on.

11:22South Derbyshire carries on rather well as it happens.

11:24But if they don't send us the information and the plans and the requests for permission,

11:29well, what are we here for?

11:31Good question.

11:34What are we here for?

11:36To collate the information, inspect the plans, and withhold or grant permission.

11:41And if we didn't?

11:43I'm sorry, Minister, I don't understand.

11:45If we didn't, if we weren't here, and we didn't do it, what then?

11:48I'm sorry, Minister, you've lost me.

11:50You know, your trouble, I think, is your concern more with means than ends.

11:55There are no ends in administration, Minister.

11:58Except loose ends.

12:00Administration is eternal.

12:01For ever and ever.

12:02Amen.

12:05It's because there are no ends that they talk about government circles.

12:08Exactly, Bernard, which is what we're going round in at the moment.

12:12Anyway, I don't intend to discipline South Derbyshire.

12:14I should look a complete idiot.

12:15I'm sorry, Minister, but it's your job.

12:20To discipline South Derbyshire.

12:22You have no alternative.

12:23The Treasury and the Cabinet Office insist.

12:26Humphrey, I cannot agree to this.

12:27Well, not today, anyhow.

12:29Well, tomorrow, then.

12:31No, Humphrey.

12:31Minister, I'm sorry, you don't seem to understand.

12:34It is not up to you and it is not up to me.

12:36It is the law.

12:38Minister, I do think you ought to talk to the mail.

12:40Very well, Bernard.

12:43Thank you, Humphrey.

12:44Thank you, Minister.

12:48Bernard.

12:50Yes, Minister.

12:51How did Sir Humphrey know that I was with Dr Cartwright?

12:59God moves in a mysterious way.

13:04Let me make one thing perfectly clear.

13:07Humphrey is not God, OK?

13:10Will you tell him or shall I?

13:17Tell me how he knew where I was.

13:19Well, confidentially, Minister,

13:22everything you tell me is incomplete confidence.

13:24So equally, and I'm sure you appreciate this,

13:27and by appreciate, I don't actually mean appreciate,

13:30I mean understand that everything Sir Humphrey tells me

13:33is also incomplete confidence,

13:35as indeed everything I tell you is incomplete confidence,

13:37and for that matter,

13:38everything I tell Sir Humphrey is incomplete confidence.

13:44So?

13:46So, incomplete confidence.

13:48I am confident that you understand

13:50that for me to keep Sir Humphrey's confidence

13:51and your confidence

13:52means that conversations between him and me

13:55must be completely confidential.

13:56As confidential, in fact,

13:58as conversations between you and me

13:59are completely confidential.

14:00I just get Alex Andrews, Minister.

14:05Mr Andrews, Minister.

14:07Thank you, Bennett.

14:08Ah, Alex.

14:10Hello, Jim.

14:11How are you?

14:12Sit down, Ben.

14:13Now, what can I do for you?

14:15Well, I need your help.

14:17I've come across a fascinating story.

14:20Do you realise that your government

14:22is about to hand over £40 million worth

14:25of housing, building,

14:27and harbour installations

14:28and an airstrip to a private developer

14:30for nothing?

14:31£40 million?

14:33You're having me on?

14:33No, Scout's on her.

14:34Well, why tell me?

14:38I didn't do it, did I?

14:39No, no.

14:42It goes back a long way.

14:45About 30 years ago,

14:46the Ministry of Defence

14:47took out a lease on a Scottish island.

14:49They put up billets

14:50and married quarters,

14:51HQ block and the harbour

14:52and the airstrip.

14:53And now the lease has expired,

14:54it reverts to the original owner.

14:56He's opening up an instant holiday camp.

14:59Yachting marinas,

15:00chalets, staff quarters,

15:01it's all there.

15:02He's going to make a fortune.

15:03But he can't do that.

15:04I mean, the law says he must have...

15:05I don't know.

15:05You're talking about English law.

15:07This contract was made

15:08under Scottish law

15:09and some idiot

15:10didn't realise the difference.

15:11Oh.

15:12Oh.

15:13We're in the clear.

15:14Ah, yes.

15:16Even the mail can't blame me

15:17for a cock-up

15:18in the early 50s.

15:20Makes a change.

15:23But what do you want from me?

15:24You've got your story.

15:2530 years late, of course.

15:27I see her as quick

15:27with the news as ever.

15:28Still not bad

15:29for Fleet Street.

15:31Yes, we're running it tomorrow,

15:32but my editor

15:33wants me to do

15:34an investigative feature,

15:35find out exactly

15:37how it happened,

15:38go through the files.

15:39Why?

15:40Well, there could be lessons

15:41for today

15:41and we might find out

15:42who is responsible.

15:44Well, does it matter?

15:46I mean, a detail like that

15:47would have been handled

15:48by quite a junior official.

15:49Yes, but that was

15:5030 years ago.

15:51I mean, today

15:51he could be in a very

15:52important position.

15:53He could even be

15:54a permanent secretary

15:55running a great department

15:57responsible for

15:58spending billions of pounds

16:00of public money.

16:00Pretty unlikely.

16:01Yes.

16:03But can I see the papers?

16:05Well, of course,

16:05you know,

16:06I can't just hand files over.

16:08But in any case,

16:09didn't you say

16:09it was a 30-year lease?

16:11Oh.

16:11You could get them

16:11all yourself

16:12from the public records office

16:13in a few weeks' time

16:14under the 30-year rule.

16:15Yes, I thought you'd say that.

16:16Yes, that's true.

16:17But I want to guarantee

16:18that I will get them.

16:20But all of them.

16:21Well, of course,

16:22defence papers.

16:23No, no, no, come on.

16:23This is not top security.

16:25Now, look,

16:26you made a manifesto commitment

16:27saying that you would

16:28tell the voters the facts.

16:29This is a test case, right?

16:32I want your guarantee

16:33that no papers

16:34will be removed

16:35from the file

16:35before the file is opened.

16:37Yes, yes, of course.

16:39I don't see why not.

16:39Don't skin off my nose.

16:41Is that a promise?

16:42Sure.

16:42I mean, a real promise,

16:44not the sort

16:44you put in your manifestos.

16:45You know...

16:46You addicts,

16:49you won't take yes

16:49for an answer.

16:51Otherwise,

16:52we do the feature

16:53about ministers

16:54ratting on manifestos.

17:21Is that the lot, Humphrey?

17:33Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

17:34Yes, that seems

17:35to be all, minister.

17:37Oh, incidentally, Humphrey.

17:38Yes.

17:38Did you see that story

17:39in the mail this morning?

17:41About the Scottish

17:42island scandal?

17:44I'm not sure.

17:44Somebody made 30 years ago

17:48about the terms

17:49of the lease.

17:50Oh, yes.

17:50I believe I did

17:51just glance at it.

17:5240 million pounds

17:54down the tube.

17:55Somebody really

17:56boobed there.

17:59It didn't happen

17:59in your department,

18:00did it?

18:00Oh, no, absolutely not.

18:01No, no.

18:02I knew it was.

18:04Well, that is something

18:05we shall never know.

18:07But it'll be on the files,

18:08won't it?

18:09And everything has

18:10to be put in writing,

18:11as you're always telling me.

18:13Well, somewhere, no doubt.

18:16But it would take ages

18:17to search not worth

18:19anyone's time.

18:20Oh, well, I think

18:20you may be wrong there

18:21because the mail

18:21wants to do a big feature

18:23on it as soon as the papers

18:24are released under

18:25the 30-year rule

18:26in a few weeks' time.

18:28I promised them

18:29a free run of all the files.

18:34Mr.

18:36It's all right, isn't it?

18:37All right.

18:38It most certainly

18:40is not all right.

18:41Why on earth not?

18:42It's impossible.

18:43It's unthinkable.

18:44Why?

18:45Well, it's top security.

18:46There are a few barracks.

18:48But there are secret

18:49naval installations,

18:50anti-submarine systems,

18:52low-level radar towers.

18:53You don't know that.

18:55Well, no, no,

18:55but that's the sort of thing

18:56those island bases always have.

18:58But they'd have been dismantled.

19:00But the papers

19:01will have references.

19:02Oh, it's ancient history.

19:03We need to consult

19:04and get clearances.

19:05Who's wrong?

19:06Security implications.

19:10MI5, MI6.

19:12Foreign powers.

19:14National interests.

19:15Consult allies.

19:17Top brass.

19:18CIA.

19:19NATO.

19:20CETA.

19:20Moscow.

19:22Moscow?

19:23You all right, Humphrey?

19:25No, no, not Moscow.

19:26I didn't mean Moscow.

19:27But you see,

19:30this information

19:30could seriously damage

19:32people still alive.

19:33If they're still alive,

19:34the people who draw up

19:35this contract

19:35ought to be damaged.

19:37Oh, yes, absolutely.

19:39I've got no question

19:39of protecting officials.

19:41Of course not.

19:41No.

19:42But, you know,

19:43responsible ministers

19:44must be very...

19:4430 years ago, Humphrey.

19:47In any case,

19:47weren't the other lot

19:48in office then?

19:49Well, yes, I...

19:50Why are you so concerned?

19:51Oh, I'm not.

19:55No, no, no, no.

19:56Oh, not me personally.

19:57You know,

19:58but it's the principal,

19:58the president,

19:59the policy, the...

20:00Well, policy is up to me,

20:01Humphrey.

20:02And I've said yes.

20:03So it's done.

20:04OK?

20:15What's the matter with Humphrey?

20:17I haven't done anything wrong,

20:18have I?

20:19There aren't any

20:21security implications,

20:22are there?

20:24What's the problem?

20:27Am I talking to myself?

20:30Oh, no, minister.

20:31I'm listening.

20:31Well, why did you answer?

20:32Oh, I'm sorry.

20:33I thought your questions

20:34were purely rhetorical.

20:35Well, I can see no reason

20:37for Sir Humphrey

20:37to be so anxious.

20:40Unless...

20:41Are you thinking

20:42what I'm thinking?

20:44I don't think so, minister.

20:47I'm not thinking anything,

20:48really.

20:50I think I begin

20:51to smell a rat.

20:53Oh, shall I get

20:53an environmental help?

20:59How long has Sir Humphrey

21:00been here

21:00at the Department

21:01of Administrative Affairs?

21:02All his career, hasn't he?

21:03Ever since he was founded.

21:04When was that?

21:051964,

21:06the same time

21:06as they started

21:07the Department

21:07for Economic Affairs.

21:08Now I think I'm thinking

21:13what you're thinking.

21:14What are you thinking?

21:16You're thinking

21:16where was he

21:17before 1964.

21:19It'll be in who's who.

21:20He must have been

21:21in some other department

21:22and been trawled

21:23when they started the DAA.

21:25In what?

21:25trawled, you know,

21:26fished, caught in the net.

21:29Ah, here we are.

21:31Oh, my God.

21:31What?

21:34From 1950 to 1956,

21:37he was assistant principal

21:38at the Scottish office.

21:40Ah.

21:40On secondment

21:42from the War Office.

21:43Ah.

21:46Regional contracts officer.

21:4930 years ago.

21:53So the official

21:55who chucked away

21:57£40 million

21:59of tax credit money.

22:04How frightful.

22:08Awful.

22:10Drift.

22:12And all the papers

22:14due for release

22:15in a few weeks' time.

22:19Get Humphrey

22:19to come back here

22:20at once.

22:22Yes, yes.

22:25Hello, Graeme.

22:26It's Bernard.

22:26The Minister wonders

22:27if Sir Humphrey

22:27could spare some time

22:28for a meeting

22:29sometime during

22:30the next couple of days.

22:31At once.

22:32In fact,

22:32sometime during

22:33the course of today

22:34is really what the Minister...

22:35At once.

22:35Or to be precise,

22:36sometime during

22:37the next 60 seconds.

22:38Really?

22:42He's coming round now.

22:45Why did he faint?

22:50No, he's just,

22:51you know...

22:52It's a serious one.

22:53Yes, sir.

22:54No.

22:54No laughing matter.

23:00Oh, no.

23:00Certainly not, Liz.

23:10The question is...

23:11How am I going to deal with it?

23:16Well, in my opinion...

23:17The question was purely rhetorical,

23:18I've been thinking about

23:41this Scottish Island scandal.

23:44Very worrying.

23:46Oh, well, I don't know.

23:47You see, you probably

23:48don't realise this,

23:49but that official

23:50could still be

23:51in the civil service.

23:54Very unlikely.

23:55But why?

23:56He could have been

23:57in his mid-twenties then.

23:58He'd be in his mid-fifties now.

24:01Might even be

24:01a permanent secretary.

24:05No, I hardly think

24:06that that would have been...

24:06No, no, no.

24:06Of course, you're right.

24:08Nobody who made

24:09a blunder like that

24:09could go on

24:10to become a permanent secretary,

24:11could he?

24:12Anyway,

24:14I want a full investigation.

24:16Oh, but Minister,

24:16was so long ago,

24:17we can't find out

24:18that sort of thing.

24:18But surely we can.

24:19I mean, you said yourself

24:20that minutes are always made,

24:22records are always kept

24:23in the civil service.

24:25I mean,

24:26and legal documents

24:27concerning a current contract

24:28wouldn't have been

24:29just thrown away.

24:32Minister,

24:32aren't we making

24:35a little too much of this?

24:37Possibly blighting

24:38a brilliant career

24:39there because of a

24:40tiny slip

24:4230 years ago.

24:44After all,

24:44it's not such

24:45a lot of money wasted.

24:4740 million?

24:50Well, not compared

24:51with Blue Streak,

24:53TSR2,

24:55Trident,

24:55Concorde,

24:56high-rise

24:57council flats,

24:58British Rail,

25:01British Leyland,

25:03British Steel,

25:05Upper Clyde Shipbuilders,

25:08the Atomic Power Station Program,

25:10Comprehensive School,

25:11the University of Essex.

25:13I take your point.

25:17But it's still more,

25:19a hundred times more

25:20than this official

25:21could ever have earned

25:21in his entire career.

25:23So,

25:24I want you to look into it

25:26and find out

25:27who it was.

25:40Yes, Humphrey?

25:41Minister,

25:42I think there is something

25:42that perhaps you ought to know.

25:45Yes, Humphrey?

25:48The identity

25:49of the official

25:50whose alleged responsibility

25:51for this hypothetical oversight

25:53has been the subject

25:54of recent discussion

25:55is not shrouded

25:58in quite such

25:58impenetrable obscurity

26:00as certain previous disclosures

26:01may have led you to assume,

26:03but not to put

26:04too fine a point on it.

26:06The individual in question

26:07is,

26:08it may surprise you to learn,

26:10one whom your

26:11present interlocutor

26:12is in the habit

26:16of defining

26:17by means of the

26:20perpendicular pronoun.

26:21I beg your pardon?

26:32It was

26:32I.

26:34Humphrey.

26:37I was under pressure.

26:45We were overworked.

26:46There was panic.

26:49Parliamentary questions table.

26:50Well, obviously,

26:51I'm not a trained lawyer,

26:52or I wouldn't have been

26:53in charge of the legal unit.

26:55It just happened.

26:56It was 30 years ago.

26:57It was 30 years ago.

27:00Everybody makes mistakes.

27:01Well, Humphrey,

27:02I forgive you.

27:08Oh, thank you, Minister.

27:10Why didn't you tell me about this

27:11before, Humphrey?

27:13We have no secrets

27:15for each other,

27:16have we?

27:16That is for you to say, Minister.

27:20Well, not entirely.

27:22Anyhow,

27:23what are we going to do?

27:25I'm going to be roasted

27:26if I don't release

27:27all those papers

27:28to the mail.

27:29Because

27:29I might be able

27:31to do something about it.

27:33I haven't got this

27:34other worry on my plate.

27:36What other worry?

27:39Being roasted by the press

27:41for disciplining

27:42the most efficient counsel

27:43in Great Britain.

27:45Ah.

27:48Do you know, Minister,

27:49I've been thinking

27:50about South Darwin.

27:53Oh, good.

27:54Obviously,

27:55we can't change the law,

27:56but perhaps we might

27:57show them a little leniency,

27:59you know,

27:59private word

28:00to the chief executive,

28:01give them a chance

28:02to mend their ways.

28:03Well, that might help

28:05considerate.

28:06How am I going to explain

28:07the missing documents

28:08to the mail?

28:10Well,

28:11this is what we normally do

28:12in...

28:13circumstances like these.

28:18This file contains

28:20the complete set of papers,

28:21except for a number

28:23of secret documents,

28:24a few others

28:24which are part of

28:25still active files,

28:27some correspondence

28:27lost in the floods

28:28of 1967.

28:33Was 1967

28:34a particularly bad winter?

28:36No, a marvellous winter.

28:38We lost no end

28:39of embarrassing files.

28:42Some records

28:43which went astray

28:44in the move to London

28:45and others

28:46when the War Office

28:47was incorporated

28:47in the Ministry of Defence

28:48and the normal withdrawal

28:50of papers

28:50whose publication

28:51could give grounds

28:52for inaction for libel

28:53or breach of confidence

28:54or cause embarrassment

28:56to friendly governments.

28:58Well, that's pretty comprehensive.

29:00And how many does that

29:01normally leave

29:02for them to look at?

29:02How many does it actually leave?

29:08About a hundred?

29:10Fifteen?

29:12Ten?

29:14Five?

29:16Four?

29:18Three?

29:20Two?

29:21One?

29:26Zero?

29:29Yes, Minister.

29:32Three?

29:33Three?

29:34Three?

29:34BCar?

29:35Three?

29:43Die?

29:47Three?

29:50No?

29:52Three?

29:54Two?

29:56Three?

29:57Three?

29:58Six?

29:58Two?

29:59Three?

30:00One?

30:01Four?

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