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Tv, Yes Minister - S02E02 Doing the Honours
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00:00I'm sorry.
00:30And we can't make any economies in accommodation?
00:48Afraid not, Minister.
00:50Data processing equipment?
00:52We've done a lot less possible.
00:54The further education budget?
00:57Sadly, it cannot be.
01:00Well, at least the universities won't cost us quite as much as they did.
01:04With overseas students paying fees which cover the full cost of their education.
01:08Unless you make the exceptions which have been proposed.
01:10No, I'm sorry, no exceptions.
01:13At least that's one saving we can hang on to.
01:15Oh, Minister, it's...
01:16Oh, yes, of course.
01:17Well, that's all, I'm afraid. Meeting over.
01:24Oh, Minister, before Sir Humphrey comes,
01:26the Honours Secretary in Numbers 10 has been asking
01:28whether you've approved the departmental recommendations for the Honours list.
01:31Bernard, that's about the eighth time you've asked me that.
01:33Are Honours really the most serious concern of this entire department?
01:37Oh, well, they are to the people on the list, Minister.
01:39They're never off the phone.
01:40Some of them don't seem to have slept for three nights.
01:42What are they worried about, anyway?
01:43Ministers never veto civil service, Honours, do they?
01:46Well, hardly ever, but it's theoretically possible,
01:48and they're all getting worried about the delay.
01:50How do people know they're on this list, anyway?
01:52This file is marked strictly confidential.
01:54Oh, Minister.
01:58Silly of me.
01:59If only they'd put a quarter of that effort into cutting expenditure,
02:03how on earth am I going to make people want economies
02:06in the same way that they want OBEs and KCBs and...
02:10Well, I've been thinking...
02:12No, no, no.
02:14What?
02:15No, no, it's nothing.
02:18Come on, man, spit it out.
02:19Oh, well, it's not my place, and I wouldn't suggest this,
02:22and I couldn't possibly recommend it,
02:24but just suppose you were to refuse to recommend
02:27any honours for civil servants
02:29who hadn't cut their budgets by 5%.
02:32Oh, yes, well, I'm sorry, Minister.
02:37I know I knew I...
02:38No, no, no, no, no, Bernard.
02:39It's brilliant.
02:42It's the answer.
02:44It's the only hold we've got over civil servants, isn't it?
02:47And I can't stop their pay rises.
02:48I can't prevent their promotion.
02:50I don't even write their reports,
02:52but I can withhold their honours.
02:55Well done, Bernard.
02:57You thought of it, Minister.
02:59You thought of it?
03:00No, no, no, you thought of it.
03:04Please.
03:08Just a moment, please.
03:11That's it. Thank you very much.
03:13Oh, splendid dinner, Master.
03:15I always enjoy my visits here.
03:17Oh, I'm afraid this could be your last, Hunter.
03:20Oh, why did I pass the port the wrong way?
03:24Tell him, Bursar.
03:26Bailey College is going to the wall.
03:28It's your new government's policy
03:30of charging overseas students
03:32the full economic rate for their tuition.
03:34You see, most of the other Oxford colleges can cope,
03:36but we've always had an exceptional number
03:39of overseas students here at Bailey.
03:41Yes, but as I understand it, Master,
03:43you simply have to charge them the full fee,
03:44then there's no problem.
03:45Unless they can't pay it.
03:46Well, at 4,000 a year, they simply won't come.
03:49I've been everywhere.
03:51All over the USA, raising funds,
03:53trying to sell them the idea of an Oxford education.
03:56Africa is crawling with British professors,
03:58frantically trying to flog sociology courses to the natives.
04:02And India, and the Middle East.
04:06The competition is cutthroat.
04:08But why don't you fill up your vacancies
04:10with British undergraduates?
04:12I don't think that's awfully funny, have you?
04:16I wasn't trying to be funny.
04:18My dear fellow anything but home students.
04:22Why?
04:23We only get 500 a head for UK students.
04:27We'd have to take 400 to replace a mere 50 foreigners.
04:32And a staff-student ratio would go from 1 to 10 to 1 to 34.
04:37We'd have classrooms, dormitories.
04:39It would be like Wormwood Scrubs.
04:43Or the University of Sussex.
04:46Oh, dear.
04:47The master thinks the pictures may fetch 20 or 30,000.
04:54Well, with luck, the pictures and the silver together
04:56might just about pay the mortgage interest on the new buildings.
05:00Oh, dear.
05:01Of course.
05:02If we could get the government to treat us as an exception.
05:05Interestingly, Humphrey,
05:10it seems to be your minister who has the authority.
05:15Ah.
05:19How might one set about persuading a minister
05:22of the importance of Bailey College?
05:25Oh, I don't know.
05:26Why don't you get him down here to a high-table dinner?
05:29Is he of the intellectual calibre to understand our case?
05:35Oh, yes.
05:39Well, surely our case is intelligible to anyone
05:41with the intellectual calibre of Winnie the Pooh.
05:45Quite.
05:47And Hacker is of the intellectual calibre of Winnie the Pooh?
05:50Oh, yes.
05:56On his day.
06:01Ah, good morning, Minister.
06:02Good morning, Barry.
06:03Humphrey.
06:03Two things, Minister.
06:05The first is matter of the departmental recommendations
06:09for the honours list.
06:11Ah, the honours list again?
06:12Yes, Minister.
06:14Well, I think we'll leave that for the moment, Humphrey Sheldon.
06:16I don't think we can leave it, Minister.
06:18Minister, it's getting dangerously near the five weeks.
06:22Five weeks?
06:23Oh, yes.
06:23All recipients are notified at least five weeks before promulgation.
06:26It gives them time to refuse, you know.
06:28When did a civil servant class refuse an honour?
06:31Well, I think there was somebody in the Treasury
06:33that refused a knighthood.
06:35Oh, God.
06:35When?
06:36I think it was 1496.
06:39Why?
06:40He'd already got one.
06:42Well, Minister, if you've approved the list, shall I?
06:44Humphrey, did you know that 20% of all honours
06:48go to civil servants?
06:49A fitting tribute to their devotion to duty, Minister.
06:52No, their duty is what they get paid for.
06:54The rest of the population has to do something extra
06:56to get an honour, something special.
06:58They work for 27 years with mentally handicapped children
07:01six nights a week to get an MBE.
07:03Your knighthoods simply come up with the rations.
07:06Minister,
07:08Her Majesty's civil servants
07:09spend their lives working for a modest wage,
07:12and at the end
07:13they retire into obscurity.
07:16Honours are a small reward
07:18for a lifetime
07:19of loyal,
07:20self-effacing discretion
07:21and devoted service
07:23to Her Majesty
07:24and to the nation.
07:26A modest wage, did you say?
07:27Alas, yes.
07:28How free you get over 30,000 a year?
07:31That's 7,000 more than I get.
07:34Yes, but still a relatively modest wage.
07:37Relative to whom?
07:38Well,
07:40Elizabeth Taylor, for example.
07:43Humphrey,
07:43you are not relative to Elizabeth Taylor.
07:46There are important differences.
07:48Indeed, yes.
07:50She didn't get a first at Oxford.
07:52And you do not retire into obscurity.
07:54You take a massive index-linked pension
07:56and go off to become directors
07:57of oil companies and banks.
08:00Ah, yes, but very obscure directors, Minister.
08:02You're in no danger of the sack.
08:04In industry,
08:04if you screw things up,
08:05you get the boot.
08:06In the civil service,
08:07if you screw things up,
08:08I get the boot.
08:09Oh, you're very droll, Minister.
08:11Now, if you've approved the list,
08:12shall I...
08:12No, Humphrey.
08:14I am not going to approve any honour
08:15for any civil servant
08:17in this department
08:17who hasn't earned it.
08:19What do you mean, earned it?
08:21I mean, earned it.
08:22Done something to deserve it.
08:24But that's unheard of.
08:26Yes, maybe.
08:28My new policy
08:29is to withhold all honours
08:30from all civil servants
08:31in this department
08:32who do not make a cut
08:34in their budgets
08:35of 5% per year.
08:37May I take it
08:41that your silence
08:42indicates approval?
08:43You may not.
08:45Where did you get
08:45that preposterous idea?
08:48It, uh...
08:50Just came to me.
08:54But it's ridiculous.
08:55It's unheard of.
08:56It's out of the question.
08:57Why?
08:57But the whole idea is...
08:59It strikes at the very roots of...
09:02Look, it's the beginning of the end.
09:06The thin end of the wedge.
09:08A Benite solution.
09:10Where will it end?
09:12The abolition of the monarchy?
09:13Are we absurd, Humphrey?
09:15There is no reason to change a system
09:17which has worked so well in the past.
09:18But it hasn't.
09:19But we've got to give the present system
09:21a fair trial.
09:22Ah, yes.
09:23I thought you might say that.
09:24It may interest you to know, Humphrey,
09:26that the most noble order of the garter
09:28was founded in 1348
09:30by King Edward III.
09:31I think perhaps it may be coming
09:32towards the end
09:33of its trial period now,
09:34don't you?
09:34Minister,
09:35if you block honours
09:37pending economies,
09:39you might create
09:40a dangerous precedent.
09:42You mean
09:42that if we do
09:43the right thing this time,
09:45we might have to do
09:46the right thing again
09:46next time?
09:47I mean,
09:49on that philosophy,
09:49nothing would ever get done at all.
09:50On the contrary,
09:52many, many things must be done,
09:53but nothing must be done
09:55for the first time.
09:55No, don't.
09:56No, yes.
09:57What I mean is
09:58that I am fully seized
09:59of your aims
10:00and, of course,
10:01I will do my utmost
10:01to see that they're put into practice.
10:03If you will.
10:03To that end,
10:05I recommend that we set up
10:06an interdepartmental committee
10:08with fairly broad terms of reference
10:09so that at the end of the day
10:11we'll be in a position
10:11to think through
10:12the various implications
10:13and arrive at a decision
10:14based on long-term considerations
10:16rather than rush prematurely
10:18into precipitate
10:19and possibly ill-conceived action
10:21which might well have
10:22unforeseen repercussions.
10:25You mean, no.
10:28I mean,
10:30as far as one can see,
10:31in the fullness of time,
10:33looking at it by and large...
10:34No, no, no, no, no, Humphrey.
10:36You know me.
10:37Action now.
10:39Action now.
10:41Nobody in their right mind
10:43can want honours.
10:44They encourage sycopency,
10:46snobbery,
10:46jealousy.
10:48And it's not fair
10:48civil servants should get them all.
10:51But, Minister...
10:51No, no, Humphrey.
10:52I'm sorry, Humphrey.
10:54I have decided.
10:56What was your other point?
10:57Other point?
10:58You had two.
11:00Did I?
11:01Yes, I'm sorry.
11:03The shock.
11:04Yes.
11:06Minister,
11:07yesterday I had
11:08representations
11:09from Bailey College, Oxford.
11:12The new ruling
11:12about grants
11:13for overseas students.
11:14Now, Bailey stands to lose
11:16nearly a quarter of a million pounds a year.
11:17They must just take more British students.
11:19Yes.
11:19Well, I'm sure nothing
11:21would please them more, Minister.
11:23But, you see,
11:23Bailey has quite easily
11:26the highest proportion
11:27of foreign students
11:28and there could be
11:28very serious repercussions
11:29at the schools of tropical medicine
11:31and international law.
11:33And the Arabic department
11:35might have to close down completely.
11:37I'm sorry.
11:37We simply can't go on
11:38educating foreigners
11:39at the taxpayer's expense.
11:40Well, it's not just foreigners,
11:41you know, Minister.
11:42If the diplomatic service
11:44had nowhere
11:44to immerse its recruits
11:46in Arab culture,
11:47for example,
11:48the results could be catastrophic.
11:50We might even end up
11:51with a pro-Israeli foreign office.
11:53And what would happen
11:54to our oil policy then?
11:57Well, it would just have
11:57to immerse its recruits elsewhere.
11:59Where else would they learn Arabic?
12:02Arabia?
12:04Actually, Minister,
12:05Bailey College
12:05does have an outstanding record.
12:07It's filled the jails
12:08of the British Empire
12:09for many years.
12:10Jails?
12:10Yes, indeed.
12:11And as you know,
12:11the letters JB
12:12are the most outstanding
12:14honour in the Commonwealth.
12:15JB?
12:16Jailed by the British.
12:18Gandhi, Nkrumah,
12:20Makarios,
12:21Ben-Gurion,
12:22Kenyatta,
12:24Nehru,
12:25Mugabe.
12:25The list of world leaders
12:26is endless
12:27and contains
12:28several of our students.
12:31Our students?
12:33Humphrey,
12:34which college did you go to?
12:37Minister,
12:38that is quite beside the point.
12:39No, no.
12:40I like being beside the point.
12:43Humor me,
12:44Humphrey.
12:44Which college did you go to?
12:46Was it
12:47Bailey,
12:49by any strange coincidence?
12:50It so happens
12:51that
12:53I am a Bailey man,
12:55but that has nothing
12:56to do with it.
12:56No, no, no, no.
12:57Of course.
12:58Ladies, of course.
12:59Not it.
13:01Yes.
13:02Oh, it's the division, Minister.
13:03Oh, well,
13:04that rather settles it,
13:05doesn't it, Humphrey?
13:05Yes.
13:05No more time.
13:07Oh, Bernard,
13:08which am I supposed to be voting?
13:09Aye or no?
13:10Oh, no,
13:10it's an opposition amendment.
13:11It's the second reading.
13:12I don't want to know what it is.
13:13Just don't want to go through
13:14the wrong door.
13:15Um?
13:27Ah, Humphrey.
13:28Do sit down.
13:31I hope you don't mind
13:32my dragging you over here
13:33to the Cabinet Office.
13:34No, no, please.
13:35But I was a little bit worried
13:36about this idea
13:37of your ministers.
13:39Linking honours
13:40to economies
13:41and all that.
13:42Oh, that.
13:43You've heard about that.
13:44A lot of nonsense.
13:45Ah, good.
13:46You mean it's not true?
13:50Not exactly.
13:51That is,
13:51he did just mention it.
13:55But, um...
13:57But what?
13:59Well, I can't find
14:00any effective arguments
14:01against it.
14:04Humphrey,
14:04this is the thin end
14:05of the wedge.
14:06That's what I said.
14:06A Benite solution.
14:08I said that.
14:10That's what I said.
14:13It's intolerable.
14:15But, um...
14:17Irresistible.
14:20Yes, well,
14:20I'm not in any sense
14:21reprimanding you.
14:22I don't know the facts
14:23well enough.
14:24But as Head of the Service,
14:25I would like your assurance
14:27that he won't be
14:28putting it into practice.
14:29Well, I certainly hope
14:29he won't be.
14:31I'm not sure that hopes
14:32are quite good enough.
14:33I suppose he did apply it
14:35to your department.
14:37The contagion would spread
14:38throughout the government.
14:39Every department.
14:41So, presumably,
14:43we can count on you.
14:44Well, I shall certainly try.
14:45But, um,
14:50it's rather tricky.
14:52Well, I'm sure you know
14:53what you're doing.
14:54But this could cause people
14:56to reflect on your soundness.
14:59Of course,
15:00I have no doubts
15:00about you myself.
15:01But, um,
15:02anyway,
15:03I thought it might be useful
15:04to have a little chat.
15:05Oh, absolutely.
15:06Thank you, Arnold.
15:07Oh, by the way,
15:08I had the master
15:09of our old college
15:10on the phone just now.
15:11He said you dined
15:12at Bailey last week.
15:13That's right.
15:15I told him I was sure
15:16you'd get your minister
15:17to treat them
15:18as a special case.
15:19I hope I was right.
15:22Yes.
15:22Yes.
15:24Well, at any rate,
15:25um,
15:26I've got the minister
15:26coming down
15:27to a benefactor's dinner.
15:29Good.
15:29Sound man.
15:31Well, I must be getting
15:32over to number 10.
15:34Thanks for dropping in, Humphrey.
15:35Oh, pleasure.
15:38Arnold.
15:39I gather Sir Humphrey
15:47saw the Cabinet Secretary
15:48yesterday and got
15:49the most frightful wigging.
15:50Really?
15:51Yes, really tore him
15:52off a strip.
15:53Because of your brilliant scheme
15:54linking economies to honours.
15:56Your scheme, you mean, by the way?
15:57I think we've been
15:58through all that before.
16:00Sorry.
16:01My scheme.
16:04How does the Cabinet Secretary
16:05give a wigging
16:05to someone as high up
16:06as Humphrey?
16:07Well, normally,
16:07I gather it's pretty civilised,
16:08but this time,
16:09apparently,
16:09it was no holds barred.
16:11Sir Arnold told Sir Humphrey
16:12he wasn't actually
16:13reprimanding him.
16:14Fat as that, was it?
16:15Yes.
16:17He actually suggested
16:18that some people
16:19might not think
16:20Sir Humphrey was sound.
16:21I see.
16:22A real punch-up.
16:23Yes, indeed.
16:25But what has Sir Arnold
16:26to fear, anyway?
16:27He's got all the honours
16:28he could want, surely?
16:29Well, naturally,
16:30he has his G.
16:31G?
16:32Yes, you get your G
16:33after your K.
16:34You speak in riddles, Bernard.
16:36Well, take the Foreign Office.
16:37First you get the CMG,
16:38then the KCMG,
16:39then the GCMG.
16:40The Commander of the Order
16:41of St Michael and St George,
16:42Knight Commander
16:43of St Michael and St George,
16:44Knight Grand Cross
16:45of St Michael and St George.
16:46Of course, in the service,
16:48CMG stands for
16:49Call Me God.
16:51And the KCMG
16:53for Kindly Call Me God.
16:54What does GCMG stand for?
16:58God Calls Me God.
17:02Why should Sir Arnold worry?
17:05He's got his full
17:05quota of honours,
17:06hasn't he?
17:06Certainly not.
17:07Nowhere near.
17:08There's a peerage,
17:09the CH, the OM,
17:10the Order of the Garter,
17:11the Knight of the Thistle,
17:12and...
17:12The Thistle?
17:13Who gets that?
17:14Scotsmen and donkeys?
17:17There is a distinction,
17:18Minister.
17:18You evidently haven't met
17:19the Scottish Nationalists.
17:22How do they award
17:23the Thistle?
17:24A committee sits on it.
17:30Does Humphrey really think
17:32that I shall change
17:33government policy
17:33on university finance
17:35on the strength
17:36of a dinner at high table?
17:37Well, I believe
17:38Bailey College
17:39give a very good dinner,
17:40Minister.
17:42How much further?
17:43Oh, a few minutes.
17:44This M40
17:44is a very good road.
17:46Hmm.
17:48So is the M4.
17:51I wonder why we've got
17:52two really good roads
17:53to Oxford
17:54before we got any
17:56to Southampton
17:57or Dover
17:58or Lersdorf
17:59or any of the ports.
18:01Well, nearly all
18:02our permanent secretaries
18:03went to Oxford, Minister.
18:05And most Oxford colleges
18:07give very good dinners.
18:10And the Cabinet
18:10let them get away with it?
18:11Certainly not.
18:12They put their foot down.
18:13They said,
18:13there's no motorway
18:14to take civil servants
18:16to dinners in Oxford
18:17unless there was a motorway
18:18to take Cabinet Ministers
18:19hunting in the shires.
18:20That's why when the M1
18:22was built in the 50s
18:22it stopped in the middle
18:23of Leicestershire.
18:24Well, what about the M11?
18:32That's only just been completed.
18:33Don't Cambridge colleges
18:34give as good dinners
18:35as Oxford?
18:36Oh, yes, of course, Minister.
18:37But it's years and years
18:38since the Department of Transport
18:40have had a permanent secretary
18:41from Cambridge.
18:50I'm deliberating.
18:51Well, I must say
18:58for a college
18:58on the edge of bankruptcy
18:59there wasn't a bad little dinner.
19:01Ah, but the Fitzwalter dinner
19:02is paid for
19:03by a specific endowment
19:04a great 16th century benefactor.
19:07Most nights
19:08you'll find us eating
19:09mother's pride
19:10and processed cheese.
19:12What you need
19:13is a 20th century benefactor.
19:16How interesting
19:17you should say that.
19:19Why?
19:20Well, of course,
19:20benefactors with money
19:22are few and far between.
19:23Isaac Wolfson
19:24is only the second man
19:26in history
19:27to have had a college
19:27named after him
19:28at both Oxford and Cambridge.
19:30Who was the first?
19:31Jesus.
19:33He?
19:34Jesus.
19:35Christ.
19:38Some of our most
19:39revered benefactors
19:41are men who saved the college
19:42from the depredations
19:43of government.
19:44Their names are
19:45remembered and hallowed
19:47for centuries.
19:48It's a sort of
19:49immortality, really.
19:51No, no.
19:52I mean, what did
19:53these benefactors
19:54do?
19:56Well, take Sir William de Vere.
19:57You see his coat of arms there
19:58and his name's on a plaque
19:59in chapel.
20:00He diverted the
20:01baronial army
20:02away from Bailey
20:03in the 15th century.
20:05He had the soldiers
20:06billeted at
20:07St. George's College
20:08instead.
20:09I didn't know
20:09there was a St. George's College.
20:11There isn't.
20:12Not since that.
20:14And then, of course,
20:15there's George Moncton,
20:17the chap that
20:17Moncton Quad's
20:18named after.
20:20He stopped Cromwell
20:21having all the college
20:22silver melted down
20:24to pay for his
20:25new model army.
20:26Yes, tell them that
20:27silver was much better
20:27quality at Trinity Cambridge.
20:28Now, it looks that
20:33there'll be no college
20:34left to remember.
20:37Unless, of course,
20:37we can solve the
20:39problem of the
20:39overseas student
20:41ground.
20:44Of course, one would
20:46like to help
20:48oneself, help
20:50my friend, help
20:53the college.
20:55Nothing to do with
20:56the honour.
20:56Of course not.
20:58Of course not.
20:59Ignoble thought.
21:00The ministers always
21:01believe that it is a
21:02politician's duty
21:03to help others.
21:04Absolutely.
21:05Name of the game.
21:06I mean, that's why
21:07we go into politics.
21:09To help others.
21:11I am an idealist,
21:13really.
21:13I mean, it's nothing
21:14to do with the honour.
21:15As far as I can see,
21:15most of the honour
21:16comes after you're dead.
21:18Not much satisfaction
21:19to be gamed out of
21:20having your name
21:21inscribed on the
21:22silver sconce
21:22that you're six feet
21:23under.
21:23Thank you, Master.
21:28Stantly, Master.
21:30To change the subject
21:31completely.
21:33Oh, thank you.
21:35When you award
21:35your honorary doctorate?
21:37Oh, well, the actual
21:38ceremony is not for a
21:39few months, but we
21:40have to make a final
21:41decision in just two
21:42weeks.
21:42Honorary doctorate?
21:43Aren't they already
21:44decided?
21:45There is one
21:46doctorate of law
21:47still to be decided.
21:48I'm wondering whether
21:49it should go to a
21:50judge or to
21:51someone in
21:52government.
21:53Judge?
21:57You don't want
21:58to make a judge
21:59a doctorate of law.
22:02The politicians
22:03who make the laws
22:04and pass the laws.
22:06I mean, if it wasn't
22:06for politicians,
22:07the judges
22:08wouldn't be able
22:08to judge.
22:10I mean, there'd be
22:11no laws to judge.
22:12Know what I mean?
22:15They don't have
22:15nothing to do.
22:16I mean, there'd be
22:16queues of unemployed
22:17judges in silly
22:20wigs.
22:24It's all right
22:24for judges.
22:26They don't have
22:27to suck up to
22:27TV producers,
22:29don't have to
22:29lie to journalists,
22:31don't have to
22:32pretend to like
22:32their cabinet
22:33colleagues.
22:35You know
22:35something else?
22:36Well, I'll tell
22:37you.
22:38If judges had to
22:39put up with some
22:40of my cabinet
22:41colleagues, they'd
22:43bring capital
22:44punishment back
22:45tomorrow.
22:45bloody good job
22:48to...
22:48I'll tell you
22:50another thing.
22:51I can't send
22:53him to prison.
22:57Can't send him
22:58to prison.
22:59Now, if I were a
22:59judge, I could
23:00whiz old Humpy
23:01off to the
23:02scribe's nose.
23:05Feet wouldn't
23:06touch.
23:06Clang-bang.
23:07See you in three
23:07years' time.
23:08One-third remission
23:09for good conduct.
23:11I can't do it.
23:15I have to listen
23:16to him.
23:17Oh, God!
23:21On and on and on.
23:24Some of his
23:24sentences are longer
23:25than Judge Jeffery's.
23:28No, no, no, no, no.
23:30Politicians are much
23:31more deserving.
23:33You don't want to
23:33give your doctorate
23:34honorates to judges.
23:36Definitely not.
23:37Beautifully argued,
23:40Minister.
23:42I see now, you
23:43know, we...
23:43we shouldn't give
23:45it to a judge.
23:46You put the case
23:47most expertly.
23:48Almost like a
23:49doctor of law,
23:50Minister.
23:50In fact, you know,
23:52I can see you there
23:52now, in the
23:53Sheldonian, standing
23:55there in those
23:55magnificent crimson
23:56robes, receiving
23:58your doctorate from
23:59a... in front of
24:00an enormous assembly
24:01of eminent scholars.
24:03Wonderful.
24:03Marvel.
24:03How funny
24:06you should say
24:07that.
24:08I was just
24:09thinking the same
24:10thing.
24:17Oh, good morning,
24:18Minister.
24:18Good morning,
24:18Bernard.
24:21Most enjoyable
24:22dinner last night,
24:23Minister.
24:24Most enjoyable.
24:24Yes, I wonder
24:25if we could have
24:25a private chat
24:27before the meeting
24:27begins.
24:28Would you forgive
24:28us, Bernard?
24:30Minister,
24:30the Master of
24:34Bailey has asked
24:34me to sound
24:35you out as
24:36to whether
24:37you'd be
24:37interested in
24:38accepting an
24:39honorary doctorate
24:39of laws from
24:40the university.
24:41Me?
24:42Good heavens.
24:43Well, of course,
24:44it's not an
24:45offer.
24:45No, of course
24:46not.
24:46Of course, the
24:46master must
24:47square the
24:47council, and
24:48of course, in
24:49view of your
24:49well-known
24:50hostility to
24:50honours.
24:51Demonstrate
24:51Humphrey.
24:52This is
24:52quite different.
24:54Not entirely,
24:55Minister.
24:56You see, it's
24:57a matter of
24:57accepting a
24:57doctorate without
24:58having done
25:00anything to
25:00deserve it,
25:01as you might
25:02put it in
25:02your refreshingly
25:04blunt fashion.
25:06I'm a
25:06cabinet minister.
25:09Isn't that
25:09what you're
25:10paid for?
25:11Yes, but...
25:12No.
25:13Yes, but...
25:14Well, one
25:15can't really
25:16refuse, can
25:16one?
25:16Yes, yes, yes.
25:17I mean, it's
25:17sort of a vote
25:18of confidence
25:19in the government,
25:19not just in
25:20oneself.
25:20No, no, no,
25:20quite.
25:20As I say,
25:21it's not
25:22certain.
25:22It's, um...
25:24Humphrey.
25:31Yes,
25:31Mr.
25:31Change
25:32this after
25:32completely.
25:33Yes, of course.
25:33I'd like to
25:34do what I
25:34can for
25:35Bailey College
25:35in this
25:36overseas
25:36students'
25:37business.
25:38Oh, good.
25:39But, um,
25:40wouldn't I
25:41need a
25:41pretext?
25:42Um, um,
25:42a reason?
25:43No, no,
25:44Ministers,
25:44no problem
25:44there.
25:45Now, I
25:45understand the
25:46palace has
25:47been under
25:47pressure from
25:48certain
25:48African
25:48Commonwealth
25:49leaders.
25:49Now, of
25:50course, we
25:50can't embarrass
25:50the palace.
25:51So, um,
25:53we'll
25:53redesignate
25:54Bailey as
25:54a Commonwealth
25:55Education
25:56Centre.
25:57But where
25:57am I to
25:58find the
25:58money?
25:59I mean,
25:59knowing how
26:00set I am
26:00on getting
26:015% cuts
26:02across the
26:02board,
26:03of course,
26:04if that
26:04could be
26:04achieved,
26:05anything is
26:06possible.
26:07Uh,
26:07Minister,
26:07the
26:07Expenditure
26:08Survey
26:08Committee
26:08are waiting.
26:09Yes,
26:09very well,
26:09Ben,
26:10show them in.
26:10Oh,
26:10yes.
26:11Well,
26:11Minister,
26:12I suppose
26:12we could
26:12achieve the
26:13cuts.
26:13I can only
26:14speak for
26:14this
26:14department,
26:15of course,
26:16if the
26:16absurd
26:16idea of
26:17linking
26:17honours
26:18to
26:18cuts
26:19were to
26:20be shelved.
26:23I see.
26:28Thank you,
26:29Bernard.
26:29Well,
26:30good morning.
26:31Good morning.
26:32Now then,
26:33Minister of the
26:33previous meeting.
26:35Yes.
26:36Very well,
26:36now,
26:36matters are
26:37rising.
26:38Accommodation.
26:39Oh,
26:39yes.
26:40Now,
26:41I'm happy to be
26:42able to tell you
26:42that we
26:43have found
26:44a 5%
26:44cut
26:45by selling
26:47an old
26:47office
26:47blocking
26:48High Wycombe.
26:49Oh,
26:49really?
26:49Yes.
26:51Yes.
26:51Very good.
26:52Yes.
26:53Stationary
26:53acquisition.
26:54Yes,
26:55we've discovered
26:55that a new
26:56stock control
26:57system will
26:57reduce
26:58expenditure
26:59this year.
26:59By how
27:00much?
27:00About
27:015%.
27:02Oh,
27:03that's
27:05excellent.
27:06Parks
27:06and Forestry
27:07Administration.
27:07Well,
27:08if we delay
27:08the planned
27:09new computer
27:09installation,
27:10we can make
27:11a saving
27:11there.
27:11Can we?
27:12By how
27:12much?
27:12Yes,
27:13how much
27:13was it?
27:14About
27:145%.
27:14It's about
27:155%.
27:15Really?
27:17And that
27:18cuts data
27:19processing,
27:19too.
27:20By,
27:20um,
27:21by,
27:21um,
27:22by about
27:235%.
27:24Really,
27:26Humphrey,
27:26this is most
27:27satisfactory.
27:27Yes,
27:27Minister,
27:28incidentally,
27:28Minister,
27:29while I think
27:30of it,
27:31have you
27:31finished with
27:32the list
27:32of departmental
27:33recommendations
27:34for the
27:35Honours
27:35Secretary?
27:36Oh,
27:37yes,
27:37Humphrey.
27:37No problem
27:38there.
27:39Bernard
27:40will give
27:40it to you.
27:41Bernard?
27:42Thank you,
27:42Bernard.
27:45All right,
27:45Humphrey?
27:46Yes,
27:46Doctor.
27:47Uh,
27:47Minister.
27:47Thank you,
27:49Harald.
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