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Tv, Yes Minister - S01E03 The Economy Drive
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00:00Thank you for listening to my podcast.
00:30you read it i've read it have you read this he's read it let me read it to you we've read it let's
00:54get rid of jim hacker by john pilgrim our special investigator the right honorable jim hacker mp
00:59promised to carry out the government's pledge to slim down the civil service and to wipe out the
01:03interference from the whitehall and town hall busybodies but how many people realize that to
01:08take just one example more people serve in the inland revenue in the royal navy it's true i believe
01:13it is perhaps the government thinks that attacks is the best form of defense oh that's rather witty
01:18so have you read this bit i have read it i have discovered that no less than four ministries
01:25check the supply of the same army uniforms the ministry of defense checks to see they get what
01:30they ordered the department of industry checks to see they have been manufactured according to
01:34government regulations the treasury checks the bills and jim hacker's mob just checks up on
01:38everyone else jim hacker is the most obvious case of overmanning in whitehall let's start
01:43by getting rid of him and saving at least one salary frank why did you read me that i told you
01:52i'd read it because i'm your political advisor do you realize how politically damaging this is for
01:57you good morning minister have you read this yes yes yes i have read it i have read it you have read
02:06it he is ready we have all bloody read it have i made myself clear abundantly minister i'm sorry sit down
02:17humphrey we have got to slim down the civil service how many people have we got in this department
02:22uh this department oh very small small how small oh i don't know um two thousand three thousand um
02:33about twenty three thousand i think minister in the department for administrative affairs twenty
02:41three thousand people just administering other administrators we'll have to do a time and motion
02:45study see who we can get rid of we did one of those last year minister it transpired we needed another
02:51500 people however minister we could always close your bureaucratic watchdog office oh no you don't
02:59i've already just opened it it's the one thing i've done since i got here as you wish minister but
03:02it has been criticized as a troublemaker's letterbox it's very popular with the voters humphrey gives them
03:09a chance to help us find ways to stop wasting government money public doesn't know anything about
03:13wasting government money we're the experts that's not what i meant well the bureaucratic watchdog office
03:21stays well offhand i can't think of what else to suggest are you seriously telling me that there is no
03:28way we can cut down well i suppose we could lose one or two of the tea ladies oh do we should take
03:36this seriously tea ladies i want the facts i want to know who works here what they do what buildings
03:42we have what goes on in them a complete record then we'll know where to cut costs cut staff cut
03:48procedures the civil service minister exists to implement legislation enacted by parliament as long
03:54as parliament continues to legislate the civil service must continue however i'm fully seized of
04:00your requirements minister and if you'll excuse me i'll go and set the wheels in motion good morning
04:06mr weasel wisel did you know that a northwest regional controller has achieved cuts of 32 million
04:16pounds in his region alone and that the civil service is suppressing the whole story is this true
04:22well if it is i'm aghast well why are they suppressing you because if he can save money everyone else
04:26will have to do it why don't you look into it have a bit of a ferret around
04:36do you think i could i think that's a very good idea mr ferret uh weasel
04:43he told you 32 million pounds yes sir humphrey i'm aghast well so was i i mean it's incredible we
04:48didn't know about it oh i knew about it then why are you aghast i'm aghast that it got out
04:55might mean we get less money from the treasury next year oh good lord it's after half past five
04:59sherry oh well yes thank you you still look worried bernard well uh yes i mean uh surely we
05:06want to save money bernard you know perfectly well there has to be some way to measure success
05:12in the civil service british layland measure their success by the size of their profits or to be
05:19more accurate they measure their failure by the size of their losses but we don't have profits and
05:25losses we have to measure our success by the size of our staff and our budget by definition bernard
05:32a big department is more successful than a small one uh are you saying that the northwest regional
05:36controller uh boobed by saving so much money well of course nobody asked him to
05:43everybody did it suppose everyone went around saving money irresponsibly all ever
05:49well that's what the minister wants isn't it do sit down bernard
05:56ministers come and ministers go the average minister lasts less than 11 months in any department
06:02you see bernard it is our duty to assist the minister to fight for the department's money
06:09despite his own panic reaction you mean help him overcome his panic no no no no no no no he's let
06:15him panic politicians like to panic they need activity it's their substitute for achievement
06:25we must just ensure that it doesn't change anything
06:28but even so they are the people's representatives democratically chosen mps aren't chosen by the
06:34people they're chosen by their local party 35 men in grubby raincoats or 35 women in silly hands
06:41when the government are selected from the best bernard there are only 630 mps if one party has just
06:50over 300 it forms a government of that 300 100 are too old and too silly 100 are too young and too
06:57callow which leaves just about 100 mps to fill 100 governmental posts there's no choice at all
07:04they've had no selection no training we have to do the job for them
07:11how can we explain saving 32 million pounds to the minister well we can explain that they've changed
07:18their accounting systems in the northwest or that they've redrawn the regional boundaries so
07:23the current figures aren't operable oh there are all sorts of possibilities
07:31useful chat bernard good job it never took place
07:38yes yes of course so what else is our friend weasel up to oh he's ferreting
07:43ferreting where it's a roving brief now we shall have to provide rover with a government car
07:53so that we'll know where he's digging
07:58how how are you getting on with your minutes to humphrey got this economizing nonsense under control
08:05yes i think so jumbo more or less what do you mean more or less well yes and no
08:11presumably it's like all the other government economy drives three days of press releases
08:16three weeks of ministerial memos and a crisis in the middle east and back to normal again
08:22i'm afraid he's beginning to see slimming down the service as his main task damn it we don't need slimming
08:29i think you might have to conduct another operation hair shirt
08:38operation hair shirt what a good idea guide him towards painful personal economies
08:45yes you know economy begins at home minister set an example minister can't expect others to do what we
08:54can't do ourselves minister yes yes just what he needs self-denial friendly
09:05great item three the economy drive now frank here has come up with some really startling
09:11indications of wastage in our very midst has he really and i think you're going to be pretty
09:16surprised at what i've uncovered i must say humphrey these facts are a frightening indictment of
09:20bureaucratic sloppiness and self-indulgence dear dear but as you'll see they do give us enormous
09:26scope some really dramatic economies good job two files one on manpower one buildings let's start
09:36with the buildings chadwick house west audley street a huge building only a handful of people
09:43working yes i'm so sorry i do happen to know about chadwick house oh what do you run well it's certainly
09:48unused at the moment but it is the designated office for the new commission for the environment
09:53and we're actually wondering if it's going to be big enough when all the staff move in
10:00what about lady smith buildings wolfenster apparently that's completely empty of course
10:08security minister i can say no more
10:10you mean mi6
10:19what's that supposed to mean we do not admit that mi6 exists oh everybody knows it exists nevertheless we
10:26do not admit it not everyone around this table has been vetted sounds like something you do to cats
10:32yes indeed but not ferrets minister
10:41lady smith house is top secret how can a seven-story building in walthamstow be top secret
10:49where there's a will there's a way all right what about wellington house and westminster old
10:54hall hall wellington house hyde park road estimated value seven and a half million pounds
10:59westminster old hall sackville square estimated value 11 million pounds each building with a tiny
11:04staff and both filled apparently entirely with fighting cabinets may i ask the source of these
11:09valuations going rate for office property in the area ah yes but neither of these properties
11:13would fetch the going rate why not well wellington house has no fire escape for five doors
11:18and the fabric of the building wouldn't stand the alteration so it can't be used as offices
11:22then how are you able to use them well government buildings do not require fire safety clearance
11:28well perhaps because her majesty's civil servants are not easily inflamed
11:38what about westminster old hall class one registered building can't change current user designation
11:45see three to seventeen beaconsfield street ah yes now that has a three-level reinforced concrete
11:53basement so it is there in case
12:00well you know minister emergency government headquarters if and when and when what if and when you know what
12:09what if and when you know what i don't know what what what what do you mean if and when you know
12:18minister when the chips are down the balloon goes up and the lights go out
12:24there has to be somewhere to carry on government even if everything else stops why
12:29well government doesn't stop just because the whole country's been destroyed
12:38i mean annihilation's bad enough without anarchy to make things even worse
12:43i mean you'd have a lot of rebellious cinders
12:48that's right who will be there for you to govern well they're bound to be some ordinary people around
12:53what about the central registry no planning permission how does he know all this you knew
13:00where i'd been well obviously we knew where he'd been why was he supposed to be spying we do believe
13:05in open inquiries don't we let us turn to manpower yes let's apparently there are 90 civil servants
13:16in sunderland exactly duplicating the work of 90 more here in whitehall ah yes that stems from a cabinet
13:22decision job creation in the northeast well let's get rid of them yes that will give you 90 civil
13:27service at a stroke yes or indeed at a strike well personally i would be wholeheartedly in favor of
13:35such a move minister it would be a splendid economy and show great political courage to
13:40sack staff in depressed marginal constituencies
13:44i just don't believe that there is nowhere we can cut down i see waste everywhere well i agree with
13:52you minister there is certainly scope for economy well where well i sometimes feel that the very way
13:58we do things is on too lavish a scale you know cars furnishings entertainments private office stuff
14:05duplicating machines yes yes yes yes that's where we'll start magnificent yes unfortunately there is
14:11a difficulty i knew it yes you see it does cause profound resentment if those at the top continue
14:16to enjoy the comforts and conveniences that they withdraw from those below them not to mention the
14:21deeply damaging publicity you mean you and i should set a personal example economy begins at home
14:30we can't expect others to do what we don't do ourselves can we really save all that much well not
14:37directly no but as an example to the whole public service incalculable i don't know you know jim
14:45there'd be a lot of great publicity in it the minister shows the way slimline government hacker sets
14:54an example save it says jim yes yes that's it great where do we start
15:00oh sorry are you asleep yes
15:12missed my train had to walk all the way to euston what happened to the ship got rid of it why got
15:20rid of the chauffeur too and all that grand office furniture drinks cabinet half the staff in my private
15:25office you've been sacked it's the economy drive i'm setting an example no luxuries no frills no
15:37privileges you're mad for 20 years you've complained that as a backbencher you had no facilities now you've
15:44been given them and you're throwing them away 20 years you've wanted to be a success why did you want
15:50if it brings no greater comfort than failure darling you don't really understand politics do you
15:55this way it's going to bring me much more power in the end darling and how are you going to travel
16:00when you're prime minister hitchhike
16:11bernard come in here for a diary session yes minister as soon as i've done this typing
16:15can't you can't you go well not really it's rather urgent and since the cutbacks
16:19it's just the two of us trying to do everything i'm coming to my office anyway i must talk to you
16:24mandy mandy yes where's w top left
16:37bernard we've got to go through my appointments i was double booked this morning i was an hour and a
16:40half late for that thing uh what thing minister the business efficiency exhibition
16:44i do apologize minister but what with the uh the uh the staff economies in your private office
16:50it really is awfully difficult to keep track well i can't help that now what's happening this afternoon
16:53oh i'll get the diary minister
16:55come on
16:59come up now do you
17:01come up now
17:09morning duck
17:10come on do you have to do that now
17:11yes yes they've cancelled the night shift some idiot started another of those economy drives
17:18i'm nelly good well the point is who are you i'm the minister
17:27oh really oh i'm never so pleased to meet you i voted for you
17:35oh thank you oh you can call me nelly thank you what do i call you
17:42jim here's the diary minister
17:47turn that up would you dear turn it
17:51what would you excuse us dear this is confidential i've got to get on you know jim
17:56well i won't use the hoover i'll tiptoe you'll never notice me go please i'm light as a feather
18:09go now
18:16all right all right jim i can take a hint
18:18uh it's just uh mr bruff this morning minister our director of manpower planning for the north
18:29east region you remember yes uh staff reductions and then straight to the house for question time
18:34at a seven o'clock division and eight o'clock the french prime minister's reception at his embassy
18:39right now if you will excuse me minister i must take the schedules down to the whip's office
18:43bernard bernard oh yes it is worth it you know center page spread three pictures oh yes i have read
18:54it yes see this one of me and the cheese roll and the cardboard plate no luxury lunches in hackers
19:02new austerity regime economy begins at home said jim hacker today as he set an example to britain's
19:09pampered army of bowler-hatted bureaucrats terrific yes you have read it to me already at least great
19:15isn't it oh yes
19:20economize on the beaches
19:24excuse me yes yes i would like to see the minister uh do you have an appointment my name's ron watson i'm
19:30the general secretary of the union of civil service transport and associated government work yes mr
19:35watson we're very disturbed about rumors of cutbacks and redundancies affecting our members i'm
19:39very much i'm sorry mr watson you can't see the minister now you must have an appointment look uh
19:43phone me tomorrow oh why can't i arrange it now look i'm sorry oh really all right uh bandy see
19:48if you can make an appointment for mr watson to see the minister next week next week
19:53mr bruff yes we're expecting mr bruff now oh when's it doing at euston oh well we'll just have to
20:01cancel it for today then yes yes i'll tell him goodbye sorry to keep you now about your appointment
20:09uh when would be convenient the uh meetings cancelled then yes right so i can see him now oh no i'm afraid
20:16not you see oh would you excuse me just a moment yes no he's not here well um he's gone over to the
20:24whip's office actually well would you like the extension oh uh mr bruff no mr bruff's had to
20:34cancel the meeting my name's ron watson oh well i'm glad you could get here instead anyway uh mr down
20:40won't you oh thank you now mr um uh watson mr watson before we start there's one thing i must make
20:48absolutely clear this must not get out if the unions were to get to hear of this all hell would
20:56be let loose oh yes of course there'll be redundancies you simply you simply can't slim
21:05down a giant bureaucracy like this without getting rid of people ultimately a lot of people won't you
21:11be holding discussions with the unions first we'll go through the charade of discussions but you know
21:17what trade unions are like thick as two short planks and bloody minded all of them pretty well good
21:25lord you should know all they're interested in is poaching each other's members and getting themselves
21:30on the telly and they can't keep their big mouth shut what about uh drivers and transport service stuff
21:36first to go good lord we waste a fortune on cars and drivers and they're all on the fiddle
21:41because as i was trying to explain i'm not mr broof's deputy i'm the general secretary of the union of
21:52civil service transport and associated government work and i came here to check there was no truth in
22:00the rumor of redundancies for my members well i i just i didn't all i meant
22:09oh god
22:27it quotes me word for word of course there will be redundancies lots i'm most terribly sorry minister
22:35are all the drivers on strike hundred percent response bernard how could you allow this to
22:39happen cbe minister cbe can't be everywhere
22:47of course in uh in normal circumstances yes yes i know i know i know
22:52and may i remind you minister you and mrs hacker are due at the french embassy at eight o'clock
22:56oh yes get me the car will you oh better ring mrs hacker ask her to bring our car into town well i
23:06have explored that possibility minister and mrs hacker says she has to drop it off at the garage
23:10won't you have to do that tomorrow it'll get us as far as kensington anyway at least there are no problems
23:16about that
23:25you have to do that
23:26you have to do that
23:27you have to do that
23:28you have to do that
23:29abby it's very good we'll have to walk
23:32have you got the umbrella no haven't you
23:35terrific
23:43you're going the wrong way
23:45i'm not i'm going home
23:47hey i think i found what's wrong
23:52i know i have
24:11will you miss you her majesty's minister for administrative affairs
24:17my car broke down
24:22mr hacker look as if you need some champagne i do lots
24:47i don't know
24:56i'm sorry
24:58i'm going to be able to do that
25:08i'm going to be able to get the money
25:10Mr Hacker?
25:37Thanks, mate.
25:40Gutter press.
25:50All right.
25:51What do they say?
25:54Mr Economy falls down in gutter
25:56after champagne party.
25:57Oh, my God.
25:58This one's psyched it.
25:59Hacker tired and emotional
26:01after embassy reception.
26:02Is that better?
26:04It's different.
26:06Do any of them say anything
26:08other than tired and emotional?
26:10William Hickey said you were overwrought, Minister.
26:13Just overwrought?
26:14Nothing about being drunken.
26:15Just overwrought, yes.
26:16Overwrought as a new term.
26:19Oh, my God.
26:20Couldn't really be worse, could it?
26:22Well, I don't want to depress you, Minister.
26:24There is just this lead story in the Times.
26:28It is worse.
26:30Hacker recruits 400 new civil servants
26:32in, quote, economy drive.
26:34400 more civil servants.
26:36Minister, you asked for them.
26:37You demanded a complete study,
26:39a survey, facts and figures.
26:40These measures cannot be taken with non-people.
26:42If you create more jobs,
26:44more people have to be employed to do them.
26:46It's common sense.
26:47And, Minister,
26:48if you persist with a bureaucratic watchdog office,
26:50there'll be at least 400 new jobs there as well.
26:57What are we going to do?
26:58Well, Minister,
26:59if we were to end the economy drive
27:02and close the bureaucratic watchdog office,
27:04we could issue an immediate press announcement
27:07that you'd axed 800 jobs.
27:09Now, if you'd care to glance at this draft proposal...
27:13But nobody's doing those jobs.
27:14Nobody's been recruited yet.
27:15An even greater economy.
27:17We've saved 800 redundancy payments as well.
27:21That's phony.
27:22It's cheating.
27:23It's dishonest.
27:24It's just cheating with figures,
27:26pulling the wool over people's eyes.
27:27A government press release, in fact.
27:30Fine.
27:31But what are we actually going to do
27:33to slim down the civil service?
27:34Well, Minister,
27:35perhaps you'd care to glance
27:36at this entirely fresh proposal.
27:39Oh.
27:41Proposal for the reduction
27:42of the number of...
27:45tea ladies.
27:46LAUGHTER
28:09APPLAUSE
28:17APPLAUSE
28:17APPLAUSE
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