Yes Minister - S01E05 Writing on the Wall - video Dailymotion

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00:00.

00:30I'm still not happy with this report, Humphrey.

00:49Then, Minister, we should be happy to redraft it for you.

00:51You've redrafted it three times already.

00:53No, that's not absolutely correct, Minister.

00:55Yes, Miss Bernard, I can count.

00:56This is the third draft report.

00:58Yes, quite so, Minister. Therefore, it's been drafted once and subsequently redrafted twice.

01:02Don't quibble that.

01:04But we should be happy to redraft it a third time.

01:06And a fourth, and a fifth, and a sixth, no doubt.

01:09And it still won't say what I wanted to say.

01:10It'll say what you wanted to say, and I wanted to say what I wanted to say.

01:13What do you want it to say, Minister?

01:14We wanted to say what you wanted to say, Minister.

01:16I'm sure the department doesn't want you to say anything you don't want to say.

01:19Stop wittering!

01:23Six weeks ago, the think tank asked us for our evidence on civil service over Manning.

01:27Three times I have briefed a group of civil servants in words of one syllable,

01:31and each time they've sent back a totally unintelligible report,

01:34saying the exact opposite of what I asked them to say.

01:37With respect, Minister, how do you know it says the opposite if it's totally unintelligible?

01:41All I am saying is that the civil service is grossly over Manning and must be slimmed down.

01:47Quite so. That is what the report says.

01:50No, it doesn't.

01:50Yes, it does, Minister.

01:52No, it does. Look.

01:53What I'm talking about is a phased reduction in the civil service of about 200,000 people.

01:58Are you going to put that in this report or not?

02:01Well, Minister, perhaps if you were to take that draft home with you this weekend and study it,

02:04you might find that it does in fact say what you want it to say.

02:07And if it doesn't?

02:08Well, then I can only suggest that we re-draft it.

02:12Sit down.

02:13Will you give me a straight answer to a straight question?

02:18Oh, well, Minister,

02:19as long as you're not asking me to resort to crude generalisations

02:23and vulgar oversimplifications such as a simple yes or no,

02:27I shall do my utmost to oblige.

02:29Is that yes?

02:36Yes.

02:37Right, right.

02:38Well, here's the straight question.

02:39Oh, I thought that was it.

02:42When you give your evidence to the think tank,

02:45are you going to support my view that the civil service is overmanned and feather bedded or not?

02:49Yes or no?

02:51Straight answer.

02:53Well, Minister, if you ask me for a straight answer,

02:55then I should say that, as far as we can see, looking at it by and large,

03:00taking one time with another, in terms of the average of departments,

03:05then in the final analysis, it is probably true to say that at the end of the day, in general terms,

03:11you would probably find that, not to put too fine a point on it,

03:15there probably wasn't very much in it one way or the other.

03:17as far as one can see, at this stage.

03:24Is that yes or no?

03:28Yes and no.

03:29I suppose you weren't asked for a straight answer.

03:33Oh, then I should play for time, Minister.

03:35Sir Humphrey.

03:41Ah, Bernard.

03:43Sit down.

03:44Oh, thank you.

03:46Good of you to pop in.

03:47It's my pleasure.

03:49Bernard,

03:50you know the department report on the Central Policy Review staff?

03:54Yes, Sir Humphrey.

03:56We haven't had it back from the Minister yet.

03:58No, Sir Humphrey.

03:59Why not?

04:01Perhaps you should ask the Minister, Sir.

04:04Now, I'm asking you, Bernard.

04:06Yes, Sir Humphrey.

04:09You don't seem to be replying, Bernard.

04:12Yes and no, Sir Humphrey.

04:16Bernard, are you trying to be impertinent?

04:18Oh, no.

04:19I'm sure I would succeed if I tried.

04:23Tim and Scotch on the rocks, please.

04:25Yes, sir.

04:26The one, sir?

04:27Yes, just the one.

04:30Bernard, has the Minister been doing his boxes properly?

04:32Oh, yes, of course.

04:33He's very conscientious.

04:34Then what's going on?

04:36Perhaps you should ask the Minister.

04:38No, I'm asking you, Bernard.

04:39But I'm the Minister's Principal Private Secretary.

04:41I'm responsible to him, aren't I?

04:42Indeed you are, but you're also a public servant.

04:45The average Minister's tenure is less than 11 months, Bernard.

04:49But your career in the Civil Service will last until you're 65, won't it?

04:52I hope so, yes.

04:53So do I, Bernard.

04:56However, the choice is yours.

05:02Uh, Sir Humphrey.

05:03Mm?

05:05Can I ask you a hypothetical question?

05:10That's always a good idea.

05:11Well, suppose a minister, a purely hypothetical minister, were to be unhappy with a departmental

05:19draft of evidence to a committee, and suppose that minister were planning to replace it with

05:26his own draft, worked out with his political advisor and people from his party...

05:31I can't believe it.

05:31Oh, no, no, no, of course, but it's purely hypothetical.

05:35And suppose that minister were planning to bring in his own draft so close to the final

05:41date for evidence that there won't be any time...

05:43Wouldn't?

05:43Wouldn't, yes, be any time for the department to redraft it for him.

05:48Well?

05:49Well, suppose this hypothetical minister's Principal Private Secretary were to be aware of this

05:55hypothetical draft, in confidence, of course.

05:59Uh, should he pass on this information to the Permanent Secretary of this hypothetical

06:04department?

06:05Certainly not, Bernard.

06:07Not if this Principal Private Secretary had been given the information in confidence.

06:12Oh, that's what I thought, Sir Humphrey.

06:16Have a drink, Bernard?

06:20There is just one more thing, Minister.

06:22The evidence to the Central Policy Review staff...

06:24Oh, you mean the think tank, aren't they?

06:25Yes, Minister.

06:26What about it?

06:27Have you redrafted the redraft of your draft?

06:29You don't want it yet, do you?

06:31Yes.

06:32Why?

06:32Well, so that we can redraft it.

06:34No, that won't be necessary, Humphrey.

06:35I think it will, Minister.

06:36Humphrey, drafting is not a civil service monopoly, you know.

06:39No, it's a highly specialised skill which few outside the service can master.

06:43Nonsense.

06:44Drafts is easy.

06:45It's a game anyone can play.

06:49Not without getting huffed.

06:51So, could I have the draft proposal, please?

06:57Certainly, Humphrey.

06:58When, Minister?

07:00Later, Humphrey.

07:01Yes, but when?

07:02Well, you're always saying we mustn't rush things, aren't you?

07:05Minister, I must ask you for a straight answer.

07:07On what day?

07:08Tomorrow?

07:08Monday?

07:09Tuesday?

07:09In due course, Humphrey.

07:12At the appropriate juncture.

07:14In the fullness of time.

07:17When the moment is right.

07:19When the necessary procedures have been completed.

07:22Nothing precipitate, of course.

07:24Minister, this is getting urgent.

07:26Urgent, Humphrey?

07:27What a lot of new words we're learning.

07:28Now, Minister, you'll forgive me if I say this, but I'm beginning to suspect that you are concealing something from me.

07:37Surely.

07:38You and I have no secrets from each other, have we, Humphrey?

07:41I'm sorry, Minister, but sometimes one is forced to consider the possibility that affairs are being conducted in a way which,

07:49all things being considered and making all possible allowances, is not to put too fine a point on it.

07:55Perhaps not entirely straightforward.

07:57Well, you're the expert on straightforwardness.

08:00So what about the draft evidence to the Central Policy Review staff?

08:03Well, since you ask, Humphrey, and perfectly straightforward, I have redrafted it myself.

08:11I don't want you to redraft it.

08:13I am perfectly happy with it as it is.

08:17May I be bold enough to ask what you have said?

08:21I've said what I wanted to say.

08:22Phased reductions in the Civil Service.

08:24Yes, but I...

08:25Humphrey, you have frustrated me over open government.

08:27You have frustrated me over the economy drive, but this time I'm going to have my way.

08:31The party wants it.

08:32The public wants it.

08:33And I'm bound to say that all we get from the Civil Service is delaying tactics.

08:38Well, I wouldn't call Civil Service delays tactics, Minister.

08:41That would be to mistake lethargy for strategy.

08:44Very drill, Humphrey.

08:45But you must realize that there is a real desire for radical reform in the air.

08:49The all-party select committee on administrative affairs, which I founded, is a case in point.

08:54It's a great success.

08:55Oh, indeed.

08:56What has it achieved?

08:59Nothing yet.

09:00The partners are very pleased with it.

09:02Ah.

09:03Why?

09:04Ten column inches in last Monday's Daily Mail, for a start.

09:07Oh, I see.

09:08The government is going to measure its success in column inches, is it?

09:10Yes.

09:11No.

09:12Yes and no.

09:17Now, Minister, the evidence that you're proposing to submit is not only untrue, it is also, which

09:22is much more serious, unwise.

09:25Now, we've been through all this before.

09:27The expansion of the Civil Service is the result of parliamentary legislation, not bureaucratic

09:32empire building.

09:33So, when this next comes up at question time, you want me to tell Parliament that it's their

09:37fault that the Civil Service is too big?

09:39But it's the truth, Minister.

09:40I don't want the truth.

09:41I want something I can tell Parliament.

09:45Humphrey, you're my Permanent Secretary.

09:46You're supposed to enact my policies.

09:48Yet, I still don't understand why you seem implacably opposed to them.

09:51I must know where you stand on all this.

09:53Where one stands, Minister, depends upon where one sits.

09:57Am I to infer that you'll not support me?

09:59Oh, we'll always support you, Minister, but as your standard-bearer, not as your poll-bearer.

10:04Humphrey, what are you saying?

10:05I should have thought it was crystal clear, Minister.

10:07Do not send this report to a body whose recommendations are to be published.

10:12That is exactly why I'm sending it.

10:14Now, I don't want to hear any more about it.

10:16May I say just one more thing?

10:17Only if it's in plain English.

10:19Very well, Minister.

10:21If you're going to do this damn silly thing, don't do it in this damn silly way.

10:27Uh, Minister, I'm afraid you'll be late for Cabinet if you don't hurry.

10:30Oh, yes.

10:31Cabinet.

10:32What are we talking about this morning?

10:34Cabinet is considering your proposals to close down the land registry.

10:37My proposal?

10:38Yes, you remember, Minister.

10:40Reducing the number of autonomous government departments.

10:42That was your proposal?

10:43You have initialed it, Minister.

10:44Oh, have I?

10:45What's in it?

10:45Well, never mind, Minister.

10:46It'll all go through on the nod.

10:48Oh, good.

10:48Got all the stuff?

10:49Oh, yes.

10:49Well, come then.

10:50It mustn't be late.

10:52Humphrey.

10:54Have you written your department's evidence to the think tank yet?

10:58More or less.

10:59What do you mean, more or less?

11:00Well, the Minister's written it.

11:02Humphrey!

11:02Yes, I know.

11:03I know.

11:03Well, very unwise.

11:04But he insisted.

11:05He's been working at nothing else for more than a week now.

11:08You should never let Ministers get so deeply involved.

11:12Once they start writing the draft, the next thing we know, they'll be dictating policy.

11:16Yes, I know.

11:16I know.

11:17Is this going to be a lengthy Cabinet?

11:18No, I don't think so.

11:20Ghastly waste of time, isn't it?

11:21Oh, yes.

11:23But if we're not here to hold their little hands, God knows what they might not get up to.

11:28Ah, excuse me, Jumbo.

11:30Yes, Minister?

11:30You know I'm recommending to Cabinet that we close down the land registry.

11:33Yes.

11:34Why?

11:35Why?

11:35Why are we closing it or why are we bringing it to Cabinet?

11:38What?

11:39Why am I recommending it to Cabinet?

11:41Well, surely you know.

11:41Well, no, I don't.

11:42That's why I'm asking you.

11:43I made the recommendation.

11:44You said it to go through on the nod.

11:46Now the PM started asking everybody very awkward questions, and I haven't had time to read my proposal.

11:50Because there was a nine and three quarter percent rise in the number of autonomous government departments.

11:55Yes, of course.

11:55Thank you, Frank.

11:55I'm sorry about that, Jumbo.

12:04Helping to restrict the growth of autonomous government departments.

12:08That should find favor with the PM, policy-wise.

12:11Oh, why?

12:11Well, very fashionable simplifying the civil service, especially with this think tank recommendation as well.

12:18But they haven't reported.

12:19Oh, yes, they have.

12:20Unofficially.

12:21Well, they can't have.

12:22They haven't taken all the evidence yet.

12:23Oh, the central policy review staff don't sully their elevated minds with anything as sordid as evidence.

12:29You may take it that they'll be advising the PM to reduce and simplify the administration of government.

12:35Well, that'll keep me busy, I suppose.

12:37Oh, well.

12:39I shouldn't count on it.

12:41Well, you surely don't expect me, the Prime Minister's senior policy advisor, to betray confidence as permanent secretary.

12:47Well, not to your colleagues, certainly.

12:50On the other hand, no doubt the grapevine would inform you by lunchtime.

12:53Inform?

12:54Informers of what?

12:54Humphrey, you know that your minister is always seeking to reduce over-manning in the civil service.

13:00Well, he's going to get his way.

13:02Treasury, the Home Office and the Civil Service Department have all proposed to abolish your Department of Administrative Affairs.

13:10And the PM is smiling on the pan.

13:12That's absurd.

13:13Clean, dramatic, very popular politically.

13:16No real inconvenience.

13:18Let's face it, all your functions could be subsumed by other departments.

13:21Jim Hacker will win through with a thoroughly public-spirited, self-sacrificing policy.

13:26The PM will probably kick him upstairs.

13:29Lord Hacker of Kamikaze.

13:33I hardly think that's funny, Daniel.

13:35Or likely.

13:37Well, why not?

13:38I mean, he ran the leadership campaign against the PM, didn't he?

13:41This could be the PM's master stroke.

13:44In one fell swoop, approbation, elevation and castration.

13:48I don't know the PM's motto.

13:51In defeat, malice.

13:53In victory, revenge.

13:56Abolish my department.

13:59Out of the question.

14:01Simply can't be done.

14:03Well, I'm sure you know best, Humphrey.

14:05Oh, by the way, there's a job centre in the Horse Ferry Road.

14:09Another 19 bus stops right outside.

14:11I'm appalled.

14:16You're appalled.

14:17I'm appalled.

14:19I just can't believe it.

14:20I'm...

14:20I'm appalled.

14:23What do you make of it, Bernard?

14:25I'm appalled.

14:28So am I.

14:30Appalled.

14:30It's appalling.

14:38Appalling?

14:39I...

14:39I just don't know how to describe it.

14:42Appalling?

14:44Appalling?

14:45But, I mean, is it true?

14:46You sure he wasn't having you on?

14:47They can't mean to abolish this entire department.

14:50Well, it rings true, doesn't it?

14:52I've just seen the joint departmental proposal.

14:54Whitehall's full of proposals.

14:56But Daniel Hughes is very close to the PM.

14:58What's going to happen?

15:00Where will I go?

15:01Well, there is a rumour, Minister.

15:04Rumour?

15:05What rumour?

15:06A minister with general responsibility for industrial harmony.

15:10Industrial harmony?

15:12You know what that means, don't you?

15:13That means strikes.

15:16From now on, every strike in Great Britain will be my fault.

15:20Oh, marvellous.

15:21Have you considered what might happen to me?

15:24No, what?

15:24I shall probably be sent to ag and fish.

15:26The rest of my career dedicated to arguing about the cod quota.

15:32And as for you, Bernard, if your minister bites the dust,

15:34your reputation as a high flyer, such as it is,

15:38will be hit for six.

15:40You'll probably spend the rest of your career

15:42in the vehicle licensing centre in Swansea.

15:47It's your fault, you know.

15:48My fault?

15:49It was your proposal to reduce the number of autonomous government departments.

15:52It was your proposal to carry out phased reductions of the civil service.

15:56Well, all right, then let's argue about that.

15:57Point is, what are we going to do now?

16:01We could put a paper up.

16:03Up what?

16:07Brilliant.

16:08Well, have you any suggestions, Minister?

16:09I don't know, I'm appalled.

16:18Minister, I really do think that we should work together on this.

16:21I've heard that before.

16:22What do you mean?

16:23Your idea of our working together is you telling me what to do and me doing it.

16:26Now, Minister, that isn't true.

16:27Well, you know suggestions now, aren't I?

16:28Well, I was about to suggest that Burner be sent to fetch your political advisor.

16:31Frank, you want me to consult Frank?

16:33Yes, please, Minister.

16:35And, Minister, with respect.

16:37Please, don't use that language to me, Humphrey.

16:40What language?

16:40I know what with respect means in your jargon.

16:43It means you're about to imply that anything I suggest is beneath contempt.

16:47Minister, I really do mean that we should work together.

16:50I need you.

16:52You mean that, Humphrey?

16:55Yes, Minister.

16:56Humphrey, how...

16:57how very nice of you.

17:00Minister, if the Prime Minister is behind a scheme,

17:03Whitehall on its own cannot block it.

17:05Now, Cabinet Ministers' schemes are easily blocked.

17:08Er, re-drafted.

17:10But the Prime Minister is another matter.

17:12We need to fight this in Westminster as well as in Whitehall.

17:15And Frank Weisel might be able to mobilise the backbenchers on Norberhart.

17:19Yes, yes, and what about Fleet Street?

17:21He might be able to mobilise the press.

17:22Weisel, Minister.

17:23Ah, Frank, you've heard the news.

17:24Burner has just told me.

17:25Now, what do you suggest?

17:27I can't think of anything.

17:29I'm appalled.

17:30We must all flap around like a lot of wet hens.

17:35We've got to do something to save this department from closure.

17:38Now, listen, I want you through the Whip's office to get at the backbenchers and Central House.

17:41Put a stop to this thing before it starts.

17:43Look, I'm awfully sorry to quibble again, Minister,

17:44but you can't actually stop something before it starts.

17:47Thank you very much, Bert.

17:49It won't be that easy, you know, Jim.

17:51It will actually be a very popular move with the backbenchers.

17:54Look, what about a publicity campaign, Minister?

17:55You know, administration saves the nation.

17:58Red tape is fun.

17:59Full-page ads in...

18:01It's just an idea.

18:04Red tape is fun.

18:07Well, what about red tape holds the nation together?

18:10Oh!

18:13Well, there's no doubt about it.

18:16The writing's on the wall.

18:18Well, in any event, we'll have to think of something

18:19to make the public think kindly towards administration

18:22because of the Europass.

18:23Quite.

18:24Europass?

18:24You'd have passed.

18:25European Identity Card.

18:27Well, Bernard, surely you've informed the Minister...

18:29Minister, didn't you do your boxes last night?

18:31No, I was redrafting the redraft of the draft.

18:34Well, briefly, Minister,

18:35Brussels is about to decree

18:36that there should be a new European Identity Card

18:39to be carried by all citizens of the EEC.

18:42Now, the Foreign Office is quite ready to go along with it

18:45as a quid pro quo

18:46for a deal over the buttermountain,

18:48the wine lake, and the milk ocean.

18:52The Lamb War and the cod stink.

18:54And quite obviously,

18:57the Prime Minister wants you to introduce the legislation.

19:00Me?

19:00Yes, well, it's well known that you're pro-Europe, you see.

19:03And it would simplify our administration enormously in the long run,

19:06so it's a good idea, don't you?

19:07Good idea.

19:08Good idea?

19:09Good idea!

19:10Not a good idea.

19:11Political suicide?

19:13Trying to make British people carry compulsory identification papers?

19:17They'll say I'm introducing a police state again.

19:19Is this what we fought two world wars for, Humphrey?

19:22Well, Minister, it's really little more than a sort of driving licence.

19:25It's the last nail in my coffin.

19:26That's what it is.

19:27Well, you might get away with calling it Euro Club Express.

19:30Burn it!

19:30Why do we have to introduce it?

19:35Can't the Foreign Office do it?

19:37Well, in fact, that was the Prime Minister's original suggestion,

19:39that the Foreign Secretary thought that this was a Home Office matter,

19:43and the Home Office took the view that it was essentially an administrative matter,

19:46and the Prime Minister agreed.

19:47They're all playing pass the parcel.

19:49Can you blame them when you can hear it ticking?

19:53Well, I'm afraid that the identity card bill is planned to be the last action of this department.

19:59Wonderful ammunition for the anti-Europeans.

20:01Yes, don't the Foreign Office realise what damage this will do to the European idea?

20:05Well, I'm sure they do.

20:06That's why they support it.

20:07Well, surely the Foreign Office is pro-Europe, isn't it?

20:11Yes and no.

20:13If you'll forgive the expression.

20:15The Foreign Office is pro-Europe because it is really anti-Europe.

20:19The Civil Service was united in its desire to make sure that the common market didn't work.

20:25That's why we went into it.

20:27What are you talking about?

20:29Minister, Britain has had the same foreign policy objective for at least the last 500 years,

20:35to create a disunited Europe.

20:39In that cause, we have fought with the Dutch against the Spanish,

20:42with the Germans against the French,

20:44with the French and Italians against the Germans,

20:45and with the French against the Germans and Italians.

20:47Divide and rule, you see.

20:50Why should we change now, when it's worked so well?

20:53That's all.

20:54Ancient history, surely.

20:56Yes.

20:56And current policy.

20:58We had to break the whole thing up, so we had to get inside.

21:02We tried to break it up from the outside, but that wouldn't work.

21:06Now that we're inside, we can make a complete pig's breakfast of the whole thing.

21:11Set the Germans against the French, the French against the Italians,

21:14the Italians against the Dutch.

21:16The Foreign Office is terribly pleased.

21:18It's just like old times.

21:21Surely we're all committed to the European ideal.

21:24Really, Minister?

21:27If not, why are we pressing for an increase in the membership?

21:30Well, for the same reason.

21:31It's just like the United Nations, in fact.

21:33The more members it has, the more arguments it can stir up,

21:37the more futile and impotent it becomes.

21:40That's appalling cynicism.

21:41Yes.

21:43We call it diplomacy, Minister.

21:45But how will the other EEC countries feel about having to carry identity papers?

21:49Won't they resist, too?

21:50No, no.

21:51The Germans will love it.

21:52The French will ignore it.

21:53The Italians and the Irish will be too chaotic to enforce it.

21:56It's only the British who will resent it.

22:00I think it's a plot to get rid of me.

22:02You'll be got rid of anyway if your department's abolished.

22:04Perhaps the PM wants to make absolutely certain.

22:07Don't be so paranoid.

22:08You'd be paranoid if everyone was plotting against you.

22:11But we're on your side, Minister.

22:13Yes, Minister.

22:14Martin will be on our side.

22:16Yes, that's true.

22:17Where is Martin?

22:18I think the Foreign Secretariat is in the House, Minister,

22:21where you ought to be.

22:22Well, let's go and see him, then.

22:23This is appalling, Jim.

22:28You've done a Samson act, haven't you?

22:30Samson?

22:30Yes.

22:31You wanted to reduce the civil service bureaucracy, and you've done it.

22:34You've pulled the whole superstructure down and buried yourself.

22:38A pyrrhic victory.

22:39No ideas.

22:40I'd help if I could.

22:42But I don't understand about the Europass.

22:44It doesn't make sense.

22:45Why can't the PM see the damage it's going to do to the government?

22:49I agree.

22:50I think this Europass issue is the biggest disaster for the government,

22:53since I was asked to join the Cabinet.

22:55I don't think you quite meant that, Mr.

22:58Look, everybody knows this Europass thing won't happen.

23:01Well, the PM's got to play along with it

23:03until after the Napoleon Prize is awarded.

23:05Napoleon Prize?

23:06Yes, it's a NATO award, given once every five years.

23:09Gold medal, big ceremony in Brussels, 100,000 pounds.

23:12The PM's the front runner this time.

23:14It's for the statesman who's made the biggest contribution to European unity.

23:18Since Napoleon.

23:19That is, if you don't count Hitler.

23:20So, what?

23:24Well, the awards committee sits in six weeks' time.

23:27Well, obviously, the PM isn't going to rock the boat until it's in the bag.

23:30You don't put boats in bags.

23:32What's that bag?

23:33Oh, nothing, Minister.

23:35Once the prize is awarded, the PM will obviously dump the Europasses.

23:39Martin, how many people know about the winner of the Napoleon Prize?

23:44Oh, it's top secret.

23:45Oh, you mean everyone?

23:45No, no, top secret.

23:47Well, that's it, then.

23:49Humphrey, don't you see?

23:50See what, Minister?

23:51Backbenchers.

23:52Leaks.

23:52What, the Welsh Nationalist Party?

23:54No, no, no.

23:58No, sorry for it, Secretary.

23:59I'll come back later.

24:00No, no, no, don't go.

24:02The very man.

24:03Come on in, Daniel.

24:04I want to ask your advice.

24:06You know, I give any help I can, Minister.

24:08Though, if it's a question of shutting stable doors after horses have bolted,

24:12even I am powerless to help, advice-wise.

24:14I don't think you'll be powerless in this case.

24:17It's really a sort of moral dilemma.

24:20Look, supposing a backbencher were to put down a question for the Prime Minister,

24:24asking whether the Europass...

24:27Which backbencher?

24:28Europass is top secret.

24:29Oh, you mean like the winner of the Napoleon Prize is top secret?

24:33I think the Minister meant a hypothetical backbencher.

24:36Quite so, Bernard.

24:38A hypothetical backbencher.

24:40And a hypothetical question to the PM,

24:42asking whether or not Britain was going to adopt the Europass.

24:46Highly improbable.

24:47Oh, I agree.

24:48Highly improbable.

24:50But suppose the PM were to answer,

24:52yes, it would be very damaging in the country.

24:56Yes.

24:57And suppose the PM were to answer,

24:59no, it would be very damaging in Europe.

25:01Well, to the PM personally,

25:05Napoleon prize-wise.

25:09Now, suppose a hypothetical minister were to get to hear of this hypothetical question in advance.

25:15What should he do?

25:17Well, the only responsible cause would be to ensure that the question was not tabled.

25:21That must be obvious.

25:22Serious business, trying to suppress an MP's question.

25:25Nevertheless, there is no other cause.

25:26The only way to stop him might be to get him to put down a question,

25:32asking the Prime Minister to squash the rumours about the closure of the Department for Administrative Affairs.

25:40Oh, I'm sure.

25:42Whatever made you think?

25:44No question of anything but the fullest support.

25:47But you said only yesterday that a plan to abolish the department had been put up and the PM was smiling on it.

25:53No, smiling at it.

25:54Smiling at it.

25:55Not on it.

25:57All idea was ridiculous.

26:00Laughable.

26:01Out of the question.

26:03Joke.

26:04A joke?

26:06It's a joke.

26:07I mean, you didn't imagine...

26:07So that a minute from the Prime Minister's office confirming this and squashing the rumour

26:14will be circulated to all departments within 24 hours

26:18so that we can all share it.

26:21Er, joke-wise, I mean.

26:25Do you really think it's necessary?

26:28Yes.

26:28Well, I'm sure something can be arranged, if you'll excuse me.

26:34Checkmate, I think.

26:36Game, set and match.

26:38But can Daniel Hughes really fix this?

26:40I mean, don't Prime Ministers have minds of their own?

26:43Certainly.

26:44But as President Nixon's henchman once said,

26:47when you've got them by the balls, their hearts and binds will follow.

26:53All right.

26:55Yes, Minister.

Yes Minister - S01E05 Writing on the Wall

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