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00:00Betty White in Life with Elizabeth, featuring Del Moore.
00:20Incident number one in the life of Elizabeth occurred a few months ago when Elizabeth was the willing victim of a magazine article.
00:27Now, as I recall it, it had something to do with being your own carpenter or something like that.
00:34Shall we investigate?
00:38There they are, Elizabeth and Alvin.
00:41Elizabeth is the pretty one.
00:43Elizabeth, how are you tonight?
00:47Have you shown Alvin the magazine article yet?
00:51Well, go ahead. Let's see what happens.
00:56Tired, honey?
00:57Hmm.
00:59What does that mean?
01:01What?
01:02I asked you if you were tired and you said, hmm.
01:06That's a neutral expression, honey.
01:07It means that I'm not tired at all unless you have something for me to do.
01:10In which case, I'm exhausted.
01:17You ought to have that fixed.
01:21There's nothing for you to do, darling.
01:22No, that's good.
01:24Unless you'd like to take a look at the article.
01:25No more gasoline fumes in your car.
01:30Our gasoline contains chlorophyll.
01:32Oh, silly.
01:33Over here.
01:34Here.
01:35Modernize your home at practically no expense.
01:39Go on.
01:40Knock out that useless wall.
01:43Tear down that ugly doorway.
01:45Remove that cracked ceiling.
01:47Alvin, this whole magazine is just full of good ideas like that.
01:50Why don't we wait for a nice, quiet hurricane?
01:55Come here, ma'am.
01:56Say, what is this thing?
01:58The house wrecker's manual?
02:00Look, sweetie.
02:01If we knock this wall out, can't you just see the possibilities?
02:04Yeah, it would have a hole in the house.
02:07Alvin, don't try to be funny.
02:08And we could knock a doorway through here.
02:10Oh, Elizabeth, please.
02:12And then, if we take this wall out from maybe here to about here.
02:18Wait, Elizabeth.
02:19As long as you're going to do that,
02:21why don't we just make this living room into a garage,
02:24a two-car garage,
02:25we'll put the entrance over here,
02:26and you and I will go out and live where the car is.
02:29Honey, how did you know?
02:30Oh, no.
02:31That's exactly what I had in mind.
02:33Of course, we can't do it right away.
02:35I know that.
02:36No, it's getting late.
02:38No, I mean, it takes money, darling,
02:39but it's fun to think about it.
02:41Why don't we just measure this one wall?
02:43All right.
02:43Hand me the tape measure.
02:44Where is it?
02:45It's right there on the table.
02:47Where's the table?
02:48Right there.
02:49Oh, I cut the legs off of it.
02:52You cut.
02:56Elizabeth, this is a perfectly good table.
03:00It's a better table now.
03:02See, now when you knock the coffee on the floor,
03:03the cups won't break.
03:05I suppose you got this out of the home record's manual.
03:08Page 47.
03:09Go on, read it.
03:10Page 47.
03:12Perfectly good table.
03:15Alvin, do you think we could get two cars in here
03:18if we raise the roof a few inches?
03:20Speaking of raising the roof,
03:21I've got a few things I'd like to say.
03:23There's one...
03:23What's the matter?
03:31What's the big idea of the picture frame without a picture?
03:33Well, if you want a picture,
03:34why don't you just turn it on?
03:36That's the television set.
03:37The television set?
03:39Is it?
03:40Elizabeth, for goodness sake,
03:41whatever happened to the beautiful walnut cabinet we had?
03:43I made a cigarette box out of it.
03:45A cigarette box?
03:48Elizabeth, don't be ridiculous.
03:49That cabinet was this high, four feet at least.
03:51Well, you smoke king-sized cigarettes now, don't you?
03:55This is a gag, isn't it?
03:57Isn't what?
03:58You know, all of this.
04:00All of what?
04:01You know, making the living room into a garage
04:03and cutting the legs off of the table, the TV set.
04:05It is a gag, isn't it?
04:06Is it?
04:07Well, isn't it?
04:08Isn't what?
04:09Elizabeth!
04:09Oh, I thought for a minute or two it wasn't.
04:14Wasn't what?
04:14Ow!
04:15Don't start.
04:17I'm sorry, darling.
04:18No more gags.
04:19But seriously, you look on page 47.
04:2447.
04:26There.
04:27Modernize your furniture.
04:28Give your home that modern touch
04:30by lowering the old-fashioned high furniture.
04:32All you need is a saw.
04:34That's all we need.
04:35Turn you loose with a saw.
04:36Honey, I have a surprise for you.
04:38You remember that big overstuffed chair
04:40we had in the den?
04:41You didn't give it away.
04:43Well, of course I didn't give it away.
04:44I know how you love that chair.
04:46You don't know what a relief that was, honey.
04:48But you have to admit it was pretty old-fashioned.
04:50Elizabeth, no.
04:51No, you wouldn't.
04:52Of course you wouldn't.
04:54Look on page 48.
04:57Don't be a fuddy-duddy.
04:59That old leather chair can be modernized in a jiffy.
05:03Elizabeth, I know this will be a disappointment to you,
05:05but I can't let you do it.
05:07I did it!
05:08Now, you close your eyes.
05:09They close by themselves.
05:11Keep them closed.
05:12Don't you open them.
05:13Where's my chair?
05:33Right there.
05:34I see the footstool, but where's my big overstuffed chair?
05:36Oh, honey, don't be like that.
05:38Don't be silly.
05:39Come on, you sit in it.
05:39And believe it or not, you'll find it's more comfortable than it ever was.
05:42You mean this is it here?
05:43This is it?
05:46Oh, Elizabeth.
05:47Oh, but that's the first time you've seen your knees in years.
05:51This is not funny, Elizabeth.
05:53Oh, honey, your legs are much too long.
05:56Wait a minute.
05:58Elizabeth, you mean you did all of this with one saw?
06:02Smoke.
06:03This is awful.
06:04Elizabeth!
06:07What's the matter?
06:09To hear you, you'd think I was going to cut you down to fit the chair.
06:13Well, you never know what's on page 49.
06:14Hey, Alvin, do you have a chisel?
06:18What for?
06:19I want to cut a hole in the floor.
06:21Uh, I shall leave you at this point, Elizabeth.
06:26Why?
06:27Can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't be in the other room watching television?
06:32No.
06:34Help me up.
06:38Good night, Elizabeth.
06:39Elizabeth, aren't you ashamed?
06:47Number two in the life of Elizabeth occurred in February of this year.
06:52As I recall it, Alvin was explaining the whole situation pretty thoroughly to his friend Harry,
06:56so why don't we let him explain it to us as well?
07:01Harry, what I'm trying to tell you is that Elizabeth is going to hypnotize me.
07:06What do you mean, how do I know?
07:07Well, I found a book right here.
07:09It says, How to Hypnotize Your Friends.
07:13And the last time I heard, I was a friend of hers.
07:16Well, you'd kick up a fuss, too, if your wife was going to hypnotize you.
07:19It's not a funny thing to have happen to you.
07:22No.
07:23Besides, I'm touchy.
07:26After all, what do you think I'm...
07:28It's just one of those things that you don't...
07:30Well, why don't we do that?
07:32Why don't we get together and just go to the fights any night you say?
07:34Swell.
07:36Yeah.
07:36See you later.
07:37Bye.
07:37I could tell you were talking to Harry, honey, so I won't even ask who that was.
07:44You're getting to be quite a little Houdini these days.
07:48It's all just a matter of concentration.
07:51Mm-hmm.
07:53What are you reading?
07:55Why don't you read my mind and find out?
07:59All right, I'll try.
08:01Ah, not very much to work with.
08:06Mm-mm.
08:07You won't like the book.
08:08How do you know?
08:09Well, I happen to know your taste in fiction.
08:11You don't like books about the Middle Ages.
08:13Uh-huh.
08:13You slipped up this time.
08:15There's nothing in there about the Middle Ages.
08:16See?
08:17There is, too.
08:18There isn't a person in there under 60.
08:19Elizabeth, do you really think that you can learn to hypnotize people by reading that book?
08:26No, I don't, darling.
08:27Not really.
08:28But it should be interesting.
08:29Yeah.
08:30Besides, it's about a lot of other things than hypnosis.
08:35You didn't read the whole title.
08:37It's How to Hypnotize Your Friends and Other Accumulata.
08:41I'll tell you one thing.
08:42No one's going to hypnotize my accumulata.
08:47That means accumulated fact.
08:51Now, here, for instance.
08:52Here's one of those tests they give the kids in the third grade.
08:57Do you want to try it?
08:58Yeah, the third grade.
08:59You sure you're not overestimating my intelligence, Elizabeth?
09:02Oh, honey, let's not be so sensitive.
09:04We both know you can pass it, but it might be fun.
09:07Come on.
09:08You sit over there and that'll be your desk.
09:09Come on, let's play school.
09:10Oh, honey, at our age.
09:11Come on, please.
09:13Oh, now, look.
09:14Oh, this'll be fun.
09:15Come on.
09:15I know we're going to do this.
09:16I'd have brought up a teacher, or an apple, I should say, for the teacher.
09:20Well, but how did you know?
09:22Well, that's the first question.
09:24It is?
09:24You take an apple.
09:26Come on, take an apple.
09:28Now, that's a pear.
09:29Take an apple.
09:31This is an apple.
09:32Now, cut it in half.
09:34Cut it in half again.
09:39Now, cut those in half.
09:43And cut those in half again.
09:49Now, what do you have?
09:50Oh, this is easy.
09:51Don't you dare say applesauce.
09:55Oh, missed the first question.
09:57Missed it?
09:58Mm-hmm.
10:00Oh, now, this next one is a visual question.
10:03Mm-hmm.
10:04All right.
10:05What am I doing?
10:07Well, you're just standing there.
10:09Alvin, don't be grouchy.
10:10Just because you missed the first question, what am I doing?
10:12Elizabeth, you're standing there like a nudnik.
10:15Honey, put yourself in the place of a kid in the third grade.
10:17What am I doing?
10:19If I put myself in kindergarten, you'd still be standing there like a nudnik.
10:23Can't you see?
10:24I'm going upstairs.
10:26Your feet are not even moving.
10:27I'm in an elevator.
10:30You didn't do very well on that one either, huh?
10:33You'll never get you to the fourth grade at this rate.
10:35I would rather stay in the third grade, if you don't mind.
10:39My father's in the fourth grade, and I don't want to embarrass him.
10:44I like that.
10:46That's cute, honey.
10:48I like that every time you tell her.
10:51Oh, let's see.
10:52This one is, um...
10:54Excuse me.
10:57Next one.
10:58Well, you'd never be able to do this next one.
11:00Who wouldn't be able to do what next one?
11:02Go ahead.
11:03Try me.
11:04Talk.
11:05Third grade.
11:07Okay, pick a color from one to ten.
11:11Pick a color from one to ten.
11:14Well, either that or take a number from pink to blue.
11:18That makes a lot of sense.
11:20Well, are you doing it?
11:22Yes, I've subtracted seven from purple.
11:24Good.
11:25What's the difference?
11:26Yeah, you're right.
11:27What's the difference?
11:33Alvin, here's this part about hypnosis.
11:35Elizabeth, please don't try any of that mental stuff on me.
11:41Hmm.
11:42Color from one to ten.
11:43According to this, hypnotism is nothing more than the domination of one mind over another.
11:48In other words, if my mind dominated yours, I could get you to do anything I wanted to, couldn't I?
11:59Assuming, of course, that your mind could dominate mine.
12:02Yes.
12:02Come on, Alvin, let's see whose mind's the strongest.
12:06Elizabeth, for goodness sake, you know how strong my mind is.
12:08You can't try any...
12:09Come on, I'll stand right here.
12:10Oh.
12:11Look into my eyes, honey.
12:13And go to sleep.
12:14No, you go to sleep, Elizabeth.
12:15Go to sleep, Alvin.
12:15You go to sleep.
12:16Alvin, sleep.
12:17You go to sleep.
12:18You're tired, Alvin.
12:20You go to sleep.
12:21You're very tired.
12:23You go to sleep, Elizabeth.
12:24You're very, very tired.
12:28I'm pooped.
12:30You're very, very tired.
12:33Where's the black coffee, Elizabeth?
12:35Sleep.
12:37Sleep.
12:37Alvin?
12:45Alvin?
12:48Alvin, wiggle your nose.
12:54Bark like a dog.
12:59All right, Alvin.
13:00So, you see, it's impossible to put me under one of those stupid spells.
13:03Well, I have a strong mind.
13:05Well, let's try it again.
13:06Why waste my time with it?
13:07Come on, look into my eyes.
13:09You can go to sleep.
13:10No, you go to sleep.
13:10Go to sleep, Alvin.
13:11You go to sleep, Alvin.
13:12Alvin, you're tired.
13:13Go to sleep.
13:14You're very tired.
13:15You sleep.
13:16You're very, very tired.
13:19You go to sleep.
13:21You're tired.
13:24Sleep.
13:24Sleep.
13:25Sleep.
13:27Sleep.
13:30Alvin?
13:31Alvin?
13:33More fun than a barrel of monkeys.
13:36Alvin?
13:38No.
13:39Don't.
13:44Alvin, be a lighthouse.
13:57All right, Alvin.
13:57That's enough.
13:58Alvin, come on, Alvin, Alvin, come on, Alvin, Alvin, Alvin, honey, Alvin, oh, mama, well,
14:25Alvin's a lighthouse. He's blinking and I can't turn him off. Mama, there's no time to make jokes.
14:34He looks like low tide at Long Beach. Mama, I hypnotized what I did, I hypnotized.
14:42Never mind, mama. Good night, dear. You mean to tell me you were never hypnotized at all?
14:48Of course not, and I hope that teaches you a lesson, Elizabeth.
14:51Oh, honey, don't ever scare me like that. You scared me to death.
14:54I didn't mean to fright, yes, sweetie. Oh, but you did. I'm sorry.
14:58Why did you try to hypnotize me in the first place?
15:02Well, it was kind of silly. I can't. Yeah.
15:05I just figured maybe if I hypnotized you, you'd buy me a new hat.
15:10Goodness sake, all you have to do is ask. You know that.
15:14I know. I won't do it anymore.
15:16How much was the hat you wanted?
15:20Um, $37.50.
15:28Alvin, Alvin, I know you're coming. Now stop that.
15:31Alvin, cut it out. I know that's wrong.
15:33Now cut it out. Come on. Alvin, stop.
15:36Alvin.
15:36Number three in the life of Elizabeth occurred the night Mr. Fuddy showed some home movies.
15:42Well, perhaps I should explain that Mr. Fuddy is Alvin's boss.
15:46So Alvin had to watch Mr. Fuddy's movies.
15:49But Elizabeth has no boss.
15:51And nothing was going to...
15:53Come to think of it, they're discussing it right now.
15:57Let's go listen in.
15:57Here are the car keys, honey. Have a good time.
16:02You sure you won't come with me?
16:03No, thanks.
16:04I can't think of anything worse than watching Mr. Fuddy's show home movies.
16:08Goodbye, honey.
16:09Goodbye, honey.
16:10Honey, look, why don't you go with me?
16:12They might be good. You never know.
16:13Mr. Fuddy said when it comes to making movies, he's one of the best.
16:16I'll bet.
16:17No kidding.
16:18He said that he takes his hat off to no one.
16:20I'll bet he gets some pretty peculiar haircuts.
16:24You won't go with me?
16:26No, thank you.
16:27Well, I'll tell you how you look.
16:30You're in the pictures, you know.
16:32You go ahead, honey.
16:33Bye.
16:37I'm what?
16:38You're in the pictures.
16:40Change your mind?
16:41Well, sweetheart, after all, he is your boss.
16:43And I don't want to put you on the spot.
16:45It's the least I can do.
16:45Yeah, oh, sure, do me a lot of favors.
16:47Yeah, that's right.
16:48You're in the pictures.
16:57Hi, everybody.
17:04Hi, Mr. Fuddy.
17:05Well, hello, Mr. Fuddy.
17:06How are you, sir?
17:08Well, everything's all ready to go.
17:09Oh, Alvin is this cute.
17:11Look, he's got it fixed up like a regular little theater.
17:14Oh, brother, I've seen a lot of places my time.
17:16And boy, this is a real setup for the living room.
17:18You've got a real living room.
17:21Do y'all intend to serve sandwiches during the performance, Mr. Fuddy?
17:29Oh, well, I couldn't find the original screen for the movie,
17:31so I'm going to throw the picture on the refrigerator door.
17:33Works fine.
17:34You're really going to use the refrigerator for the screen?
17:36Uh-huh.
17:37Well, honey, you've heard of that, haven't you?
17:39It's called refrigerama.
17:48Wait a minute.
17:49Wait a minute.
17:50Something's wrong.
17:51I made a joke and everybody laughed.
17:53Even you.
17:54Well, we all feel good in anticipation of a delightful evening.
17:58Yeah.
17:58I'd rather think it was a good joke.
18:00Oh, it was a good joke.
18:01Are you going to serve sandwiches during the production, she says?
18:04Well, won't you sit down here and we'll go?
18:07I'm glad with that either.
18:08I've got the pictures we took at the picnic last week.
18:11Oh.
18:12You mean we're in this?
18:13Yeah.
18:14I can hardly wait to see me.
18:15Just think, honey, we're making our screen debut.
18:19No, you're making your refrigerator.
18:21It's a refrigerator door debut.
18:22You see that I...
18:27Shall we start?
18:31Yeah, let's go.
18:32You're funny how nervous you get.
18:34Yeah.
18:35You all set, Mr. Fuddy?
18:36All set.
18:37Oh, say, Alvin, the light switch is right here.
18:39When I say lights, will you turn them off?
18:41Okay.
18:41All set?
18:42All set.
18:42Good.
18:43Aren't you going to sit down?
18:44Oh, I will as soon as I start the projector.
18:46Okay, light.
18:48Light.
18:48Light.
18:49Uh, turn them on again, Alvin.
18:54Why, what's the matter?
18:55I can't see the projector.
18:58Light.
18:59What did you do, Mr. Fuddy?
19:01Try to turn on one of the books?
19:04I'm awfully sorry.
19:06Oh, don't worry about it.
19:07These things happen.
19:08Sure they do.
19:09Don't let it bother you.
19:10All set?
19:10All set.
19:11Light.
19:12Light.
19:12Light.
19:12Light.
19:13Yeah.
19:13Gee, you must think I'm awful clumsy.
19:23Oh, don't worry about it, Mr. Fuddy.
19:26You forgot to aim it, that's all.
19:27Sure, don't let it bother you.
19:29All set?
19:29All set.
19:30Light.
19:31Light.
19:31Light.
19:31Light.
19:35Well, I guess it's a little high this time.
19:39Yeah, it's a little far, too.
19:41It's showing on the house across the street.
19:45Light.
19:46Light.
19:46Light.
19:48Change, Wes, it was just a little high, that's all.
19:51Why don't you remove some of the books, Mr. Fuddy?
19:54Oh, oh, that's a good idea.
19:55Alvin, will you take about five of these books off of here?
19:57Let me help.
19:58Here, Alvin.
19:59Please, can you just take those off?
20:00There we go.
20:01Yeah.
20:01There we go.
20:02Let me flip a piece right there.
20:06Elizabeth.
20:07Oh, excuse me.
20:08There.
20:09Well, that ought to do it, huh?
20:10Okay, I'll set it up.
20:11Yeah.
20:11Okay, here we go.
20:12Light.
20:13Light.
20:13Light.
20:15Yeah.
20:23Well, where's the picture?
20:25I don't know.
20:27But I feel like somebody's staring at the back of my head.
20:30Oh.
20:31Light.
20:31Light.
20:32Mr. Fuddy, what's the matter?
20:33I want to see the picture.
20:34Alvin.
20:35The least you can do is put some of these books back.
20:38Oh.
20:39He forgot his library card.
20:41This is no time to be funny, Elizabeth.
20:43She was only trying to make a little joke.
20:45This is exactly the time to be funny.
20:47You're both getting irritable over nothing.
20:49I don't see any smile on your face.
20:51Alvin, will you put these books back?
20:52Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Fuddy.
20:55Don't you think that's a little high?
20:57We'll be watching it across the street again.
20:59Is that supposed to be a clever remark, Elizabeth?
21:01She only meant it as a joke, Alvin.
21:03Oh.
21:03Now, wait a minute.
21:04Let's all calm down.
21:06Mr. Fuddy's just irritated by the projector, and you and I are on edge because we're so
21:11anxious to see ourselves on the screen.
21:12Now, let's start all over again.
21:14I'll buy that.
21:15Elizabeth's a sensible girl, Alvin.
21:18Well, I guess we're all set.
21:20Mr. Fuddy, you laugh.
21:22Huh?
21:23No, just laugh.
21:29Now, you laugh, huh?
21:30No.
21:33Now, you see, everybody's in a good mood, is there?
21:36Here we go.
21:37Okay.
21:38Light.
21:38Light.
21:39Here we go.
21:40That's it.
21:41Come on, sit down, Mr. Fuddy.
21:42Okay.
21:44Oh, hey, that's better.
21:49Hey, who is she?
21:50I don't remember inviting her to the picnic.
21:53Don't worry, Mr. Fuddy.
21:54She didn't eat much.
21:56Oh, light.
21:57Lights.
21:59I never saw anything like it.
22:01Time to laugh, Mr. Fuddy.
22:02Elizabeth, cut out that laugh stuff.
22:04And look at you.
22:06Elizabeth, cut out that laugh stuff.
22:08Elizabeth's right.
22:08Laugh, Alvin.
22:10Now, you see, everybody's in a good mood.
22:13Okay, lights.
22:14Lights.
22:14Lights.
22:17Oh, well, now that's better.
22:20He's got titles and everything.
22:21Yeah, it's clear as a bell.
22:23What titles?
22:23I don't see any titles.
22:25Right there.
22:26It says snowflake.
22:27Lights.
22:28Lights.
22:29Lights.
22:30Well, that was a beautiful picture, Mr. Fuddy.
22:32The snowbank with the word snowflake written on it?
22:36Snowflake is the name of the refrigerator.
22:38Oh, brother.
22:41What are you doing now?
22:43I didn't put the film in the projector.
22:45Of all of the idiotic things.
22:46Alvin, Alvin, don't get carried away.
22:49Remember, he's still your boss.
22:51Do you always keep the film in the refrigerator, Mr. Fuddy?
22:54Well, it makes sense, honey.
22:56After all, it was a picnic film, and he didn't want the food to spoil.
22:59Oh.
23:06Why aren't we having a good time?
23:10Jolly.
23:11Lights.
23:11Lights.
23:12Lights.
23:12Mr. Fuddy, that's beautiful.
23:17You like it?
23:18Look at the colors, honey.
23:20I had no idea we brought that much food to the picnic.
23:23Oh, lights.
23:25Lights.
23:25Lights?
23:26What's the matter?
23:27That was a beautiful shot of the picnic table.
23:29That isn't the picnic table.
23:31I forgot to close the door of the refrigerator.
23:33Well, let me close it.
23:35You close it.
23:37Mr. Fuddy.
23:37Mr. Fuddy.
23:42I brought you two here to sleigh a phim.
23:44I mean, flip your seam.
23:46Sleigh a phim.
23:47You're going to see a film tonight.
23:50Lights.
23:51Lights, yes.
23:51Lights.
23:52Lights.
23:53All right.
23:53I said lights, Alvin.
23:56I'm trying, Mr. Fuddy.
23:57They don't work.
23:59I think the switch is worn out, Mr. Fuddy.
24:02Yeah, that's what it is.
24:03Oh.
24:05Let me go.
24:06Mr. Fuddy, what's the matter?
24:08I wanted to see myself in the movies.
24:10Oh, Mr. Fuddy, don't.
24:13Wait a minute.
24:14Wait a minute, Mr. Fuddy.
24:16You can selfie yourself in the movies.
24:18Here, look here.
24:19See?
24:20Oh, yeah.
24:21There you are.
24:23Yeah.
24:23Look, here I am in my red dress.
24:25No, wait.
24:26No, that's the tomato surprise.
24:27Oh, there I am with the mustard on my nose.
24:29Yeah, that was a fool.
24:29Honey, look at the dog.
24:30Can I take a bite of my sandwich?
24:32Oh, that was fun.
24:33I liked that.
24:34Hey.
24:35Say goodbye to the people.
24:36Goodbye, everybody.
24:37I like this right here where you turn the food.
24:39Oh, yeah.
24:39Right there.
24:40Now here to say goodbye to you is the lovely star of our show, Betty White.
24:51We've had fun as usual, and I hope you have.
24:53Will you join us again?
24:55Until then, once more, goodbye, everybody.
25:14God bless you.
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