- 2 days ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Betty White, in Life with Elizabeth, featuring Del Moore.
00:20Incident number one in the life of Elizabeth occurred on a relaxing Sunday afternoon.
00:25That is, Elizabeth and Alvin were relaxing, not the afternoon.
00:30As a matter of fact, the afternoon was waning in the manner of speaking.
00:34Which reminds me, they ended up speaking of manners.
00:38Are you confused?
00:40Me too. Maybe Elizabeth can explain.
00:44Elizabeth, how are you today?
00:48Elizabeth, what is this incident about?
00:51I mean, what's going to happen today?
00:53Hey, that's right. It hasn't happened yet, has it?
00:59Elizabeth, I'm sort of on a spot.
01:02Would you mind calling Alvin and start something?
01:07Alvin?
01:09I made some ice cold lemonade.
01:12You know something? I have an angel type husband.
01:16Oh, I thought I was more of a doll type.
01:20Incidentally, I couldn't find the glasses. Don't we have any?
01:23Sure we have some. As soon as the jam and the cheese are gone, we'll have two.
01:27Why don't we go crazy and buy some?
01:29Go on, try your lemonade.
01:32Here's to the sweetest of the sweet.
01:34Try it.
01:38Oh, what's the matter?
01:40Oh, that's sour.
01:42Well, stir it.
01:45It's going to set my jaws back six months.
01:48The sugar won't dissolve on the only count of the ice.
01:51Stir it, go on.
01:52Like drinking a cup full of dill pickles.
01:56Hey, where's the crossword puzzle?
01:59Right where it says crossword puzzle.
02:01Well, thanks a lot.
02:09That's a funny thing.
02:11What, huh?
02:12The way you stir.
02:13The sugar doesn't dissolve because of the ice.
02:19No, I mean the way you stir back and forth like that.
02:22It's one of your mannerisms.
02:25Really?
02:25Yeah, you always did that.
02:28Back and forth, like a windshield wiper.
02:30I've always been a back and forth stirrer.
02:33I don't, I don't care for circle stirrers.
02:36Why not?
02:38Well, circle stirrers get everything going around in one direction like a, like a whirlpool.
02:42And then pretty soon they switch directions and they splash.
02:45Well, I just thought I'd mention it.
02:47Does it annoy you?
02:48Oh, of course not.
02:50Ah, here it is.
02:52There you go.
03:04Macedonian answer.
03:08Doctor?
03:08Well, let's see.
03:15Two, twenty-seven crores.
03:17Isn't that funny, sweetheart?
03:19What?
03:20We were just talking about mannerisms and that's one of yours.
03:23What is?
03:25Every time you concentrate on a puzzle, you always do that.
03:28You look like you were shot in the teeth by a Cherokee.
03:31I never noticed.
03:33How about you?
03:34Now you look like William Tell trying to shoot an apple off your head and missed.
03:39Yeah.
03:46Seven, six, in Cambodia.
03:53Sixteen, seventeen.
03:59You are also a pencil chewer.
04:01Well, honey, I never knew that.
04:05Do I always do this?
04:07Sure, every pencil in the house is like that.
04:09Every time I try to write a note, I get splintered.
04:12Gee, honey, I'm sorry.
04:15Why be sorry?
04:16It's just a habit.
04:17Yeah.
04:19It's like you when you grind your teeth in your sleep.
04:22Do I do that?
04:24Yeah, you always do that.
04:25Of course, it's one of those habits you can't correct.
04:27You don't even know you're doing it.
04:28Oh, does it annoy you?
04:30Oh, of course not.
04:33Does it annoy you that I chew on the pencil?
04:36No, don't be silly.
04:37Go on, finish your puzzle.
04:38Go on.
04:38Go on.
04:46Three down.
04:49Seven.
04:50If you stir in circles, it would be sweet by now.
04:57If you take the pencil out of your mouth, I could understand what you're talking about.
05:01I said if you stir in circles, it would be sweet by now.
05:06Here, Alvin.
05:07You don't want to get splinters in the earlobe.
05:10You don't mind, Elizabeth?
05:11I'll sit over there where the light's better.
05:13Now, look, honey.
05:23Yes, Elizabeth?
05:27We're just about on the verge of having a fight, aren't we?
05:30I believe so.
05:30I'm trying to avoid it.
05:33Well, look.
05:34Why don't we simply talk about our mannerisms?
05:37I'll tell you what you do that I don't like, and you do the same.
05:40Wouldn't that lead to trouble?
05:43Not if we hit the bow.
05:44Come on, stand up.
05:46Raise your right hand and repeat after me.
05:48All right.
05:49I won't get angry.
05:50I won't get angry.
05:51All right, now the hop.
05:52And the hinge.
05:54Now, what don't you like?
05:55That bow's got to go.
05:58Well, why?
05:59We've always done it.
06:00Honey, I don't mind the right hand, and I don't mind the handshake, but I can't stand
06:04the little hop.
06:07Okay, the hop's gone from the bow.
06:09Okay.
06:10Now, what else?
06:11Something personal about me.
06:13Well, let me see.
06:15Here's one.
06:16Kiss me on the cheek.
06:17Come on.
06:19See what you did?
06:21You always wash my face after you kiss me.
06:25Well, I can see where that would be kind of annoying, especially if I've been doing dishes.
06:29And another thing.
06:30When you put fresh lipstick on, you always get it all over your teeth.
06:33Okay, it's my turn now.
06:34All right.
06:34Something personal about me.
06:36You're an ice cruncher.
06:37What's an ice crusher?
06:38Not an ice crusher, an ice cruncher.
06:40All right.
06:41What's an ice cruncher?
06:42You.
06:43I'm a what?
06:43You're an ice cruncher.
06:44What's an ice cruncher?
06:45You.
06:46Elizabeth.
06:46No, that's me.
06:47And that's another thing you always do.
06:52You always get dignified when you get mad.
06:54What's an ice crusher cruncher, Elizabeth?
06:58Well, every time you finish a cold drink, you crunch the ice in your teeth.
07:03And you're a soda slurper, too.
07:05My turn, Elizabeth.
07:07Oh, go ahead.
07:08Come with me.
07:09Take my arm, Elizabeth.
07:12Walk across the patio with me.
07:14Are you ready?
07:17See what you did?
07:19No, what?
07:19You take one and a half steps to my one.
07:23Well, so what?
07:24So what?
07:25Look, either take one or two, but not one and a half steps.
07:29Well, by the same token, you take one step.
07:33Lipstick on my teeth.
07:34What?
07:35How can I get lipstick on my teeth when I use a brush?
07:38Elizabeth, I was talking about the way you walk.
07:40What's wrong with it?
07:41You don't keep in step with me.
07:42That's what's wrong with it.
07:46How could anybody keep in step with you?
07:48Anybody at all?
07:49When you walk, you throw your feet out like a duck.
07:53You look like the Leaning Tower of Mallard.
07:56I shouldn't leave you at this point, Elizabeth.
07:58And that's another thing you always say.
08:02I'll stay.
08:03I'll stay.
08:11I'll stay.
08:36You're stirring in circles.
08:43You go ahead and crunch your eyes.
08:50Oh, honey, kiss me.
08:57Don't you ever change a single thing.
08:59Oh, you need it, sweetie.
09:01Elizabeth, get rid of him so we can ask you if you're ashamed.
09:06Alvin, would you go get me that paper over there?
09:08Oh, sure.
09:10Are you ashamed?
09:12There you are, sweetie.
09:18Incident number two in the life of Elizabeth occurred because of the stupid drapes.
09:23Boy, it burns me up.
09:25You know, you try to hang the drapes on the traverse rods and the whole thing,
09:28they give you 15 ropes, 4,000 hooks, the stupid instructions don't make sense,
09:34and you get the drapes all caught in the...
09:36Incident number two in the life of Elizabeth occurred because of the stupid drapes.
09:42It's coming, chairman.
10:01Honey, have you seen the matches?
10:03Matches, schmatches.
10:04I thought we had some in this room.
10:07Room schmoo.
10:07Hey, what's the matter with you?
10:10You schmoo.
10:12I'm a what?
10:14What schmuck?
10:15Is this a private poetry class or can anybody get in?
10:18En-schmin.
10:20Okay.
10:21Explain it to Papa.
10:22And if you say Papa schmop, I'll clobber you.
10:25Clobber schmobber.
10:26You better have a good reason for that.
10:34Oh, I thought since you're so hot about something that you...
10:37Oh, honey, what's the matter?
10:38Huh?
10:41What do those look like to you?
10:46Drapes.
10:47Oh, no.
10:49This is what is known as jumping cloth.
10:52You pull the crazy cord and the jumping cloth jumps in the wrong direction.
10:56Depending on what the horrible hooks have snagged on to.
11:00Horrible hooks?
11:02Haven't you ever heard of horrible hooks?
11:04Oh, you can read all about them in the demon directions.
11:08This says how to hang drapes on a traverse rod.
11:11Yeah, and on the other side, it tells you how to hang yourself.
11:14This patented traverse rod is a simple device for opening and closing drapes like a theater curtain.
11:20Anybody can assemble them in a trice.
11:24Well, maybe that's been my trouble.
11:25I've been trying to assemble them on the piano.
11:28Look, you sit down here and read the paper and I'll put this thing together.
11:32I don't feel like reading.
11:33Do as I say.
11:35Now, let's see.
11:36There are 18 hooks.
11:39Honey, be careful of those hooks.
11:40They snag onto everything.
11:42Honey, will you read your paper?
11:45Now, let's see.
11:47The hooks on the cloth equidistant from one another.
11:50I already did all that.
11:52Just do it.
11:53Honey, would you read, please, and stop being miserable?
11:57Just do it.
11:58Stop being miserable.
12:01If I know you, you just probably pulled the wrong cord.
12:05Pulled the wrong cord.
12:06Yeah, we'll try this little beauty.
12:10There we go.
12:15May I have my paper back out?
12:18How'd it get out here?
12:20Pull the other cord.
12:27That's so funny.
12:29I don't think so.
12:33I hope little orphan Annie enjoyed her trip.
12:36Elizabeth, did you deliberately hook that paper on?
12:39Sure I did.
12:40I love to see news travel.
12:43Can't understand it.
12:44Can't.
12:47Darling, you see what I mean?
12:49This has been driving me crazy.
12:51Did you notice the newspaper moved in that the drapes didn't budge?
12:55Let's unhook them all and start all over.
12:57Come on.
12:58Okay.
12:59And I'll try not to lose my temper.
13:03Careful of those hooks, Alvin.
13:04You could catch barracuda with them.
13:06Now, look, we'll just take this thing step by step
13:08and we'll have this little old baby licked.
13:11Sure we will.
13:12We didn't want to come off there.
13:13I'm all unhooked over here.
13:16Now, look, all we have are the hooks and the rod and the cord, right?
13:19Right.
13:19And the drapes are disconnected.
13:21Okay.
13:21Okay.
13:22And I'll pull the cord.
13:23And you watch the hooks and see if they...
13:25Let me see.
13:25Wait a minute.
13:27All right, now.
13:30Elizabeth.
13:31Did I catch it?
13:32Elizabeth.
13:32Alvin.
13:33Elizabeth, pull the other cord.
13:39I'm sorry.
13:41You look like a very embarrassed barracuda.
13:44Stand over here, Elizabeth, and let me put this thing together by myself.
13:49Well, and this time I'll watch the hooks and you pull the cord.
13:52I'm not wearing my tie today.
13:54That's very funny.
13:56Let me see.
13:57All right.
14:00Ready?
14:01Uh-huh.
14:01Watch it.
14:03Here we go.
14:04Anything happen?
14:06It caught on my watch.
14:09Yeah.
14:09Alvin, now, come on.
14:11Now, wait a...
14:11Alvin, just a minute.
14:13Alvin, will you wait a second?
14:15What?
14:16Alvin, now, just a minute.
14:18You look like you were polishing the piano.
14:19You think I'm going to get mad, don't you?
14:23I sort of expected it.
14:25Well, I'm not.
14:26All right.
14:27Okay, I'll pull the cord and watch at the same time.
14:29And you're not going to catch my watch?
14:32Then I'm going to watch your catch.
14:34Okay.
14:35Okay.
14:35Here goes.
14:39It caught on my ring.
14:40Well, let go.
14:41What do you mean, let go?
14:42You've got the rope.
14:43Oh.
14:43You said you wouldn't get mad.
14:51Mad schmad.
14:54All right, honey, there's only one thing to do.
14:56Put the whole thing back together again.
14:58Try it at the window where it belongs.
15:00Alvin, I've already tried that.
15:02That's where the jumping cloth comes in.
15:05Honestly, I swear sometimes...
15:06I swear sometimes this thing is alive.
15:09Really and truly it is.
15:10Yeah.
15:11Ouch!
15:12Did you see that?
15:13It reached right out and grabbed me.
15:14Yes, yes.
15:15I saw it.
15:16Now, watch an expert.
15:19Give it to me.
15:20Watch an expert.
15:22Well, send one over.
15:23I'll be glad to watch him.
15:24Here we go.
15:40Now, what are these things supposed to do?
15:42Well, these two, Abelard and Eloise here, are supposed to rush to each other like they're
15:49madly in love.
15:51Which ones?
15:51This one's Eloise.
15:52That one's Eloise.
15:54All right.
15:56Okay.
15:57I'll be Cupid, all right?
15:58Yeah, come and try it.
15:59All right, here we go.
16:03What happened?
16:06Abelard doesn't seem very sociable today.
16:08You talk to him, Abelard.
16:09Don't be so eager, honey.
16:11I'll wait a minute.
16:12I'll wait.
16:12Get this back.
16:13Wait a minute.
16:14Get that back.
16:15Her slip was showing.
16:17All right.
16:18Well, he's ready to go.
16:20Okay.
16:21All right.
16:22Go on.
16:22Meet Ernestine, boy.
16:24There we go.
16:26Oh, what happened now?
16:28Well, what do you expect?
16:29You told him to go meet Ernestine.
16:30Her name's Eloise.
16:32Elizabeth, will you cut out that silly stuff and see if she's unhooked?
16:35Help me.
16:36Oh, I must have talked to the drapes and helped me.
16:39Oh, wait a minute.
16:40You got it all?
16:41Yeah.
16:42Oh, wait a minute.
16:43Now, get him back there.
16:44Get back.
16:45All right.
16:46Now it should...
16:47Yeah, it should work.
16:49She'll rush right into his arms.
16:50Well, I hope so.
16:52All right.
16:52Here goes.
16:55There it is.
16:59There it is.
16:59We must have short arms.
17:06Now, honey, isn't that infuriating?
17:08It is.
17:09You know what we better do?
17:11Let's get the two of them together anyhow, huh?
17:13Who?
17:14Eloise and Abelard.
17:15Oh, for goodness sake.
17:17Here, you take Abelard's hand.
17:19Oh, come on, Abelard.
17:21Elizabeth wants to play a little game.
17:23All right, now bring him over.
17:26All right, Abelard, kiss Eloise.
17:29Did you hear what she said, honey?
17:32What?
17:33She said for Alvin to kiss Elizabeth.
17:46Incident number three in the life of Elizabeth
17:48occurred the night Bulldog Smith came to visit.
17:52You never heard of Bulldog Smith?
17:53Elizabeth has, and she's hearing it again for the 41st time.
18:00And then the sergeant yells, squads right!
18:03An old Bulldog says that's the first time the squads have been right in five weeks.
18:10Alvin!
18:11Well, don't look so shocked.
18:12If Bulldog ever caught me in a shirt and tie on, he'd hit first and ask questions later.
18:16I don't care how tough he was during the war.
18:18Go put a shirt on.
18:19Honey, he's real rough.
18:20Go on.
18:21Wait a minute.
18:21What's the matter?
18:22You're not going to wear that.
18:23What's the matter with it?
18:24Well, isn't it kind of dainty luck?
18:26My buckskins are in the cleaners.
18:27Now hurry up.
18:30I'll scatter some cigar butts around the room just to make him feel at home.
18:35Oh, honey, hurry up.
18:36Here he is.
18:40How do you do?
18:41I'm Llewellyn Smith.
18:43Bulldog Smith?
18:44Bulldog?
18:45I haven't heard that in years.
18:49I'm Elizabeth.
18:50Come on in, sit down.
18:50Oh, thank you.
18:51Alvin should be out in just a minute.
18:54Honey?
18:55Uh, for my hostess.
18:58You know, I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward to this evening.
19:02Bulldog!
19:03Bud!
19:03Well, Bud!
19:04You, how are you?
19:06Just wonderful.
19:06Looking great.
19:07Good to see you.
19:07You know, I was just telling Elizabeth how much I've been looking forward to this.
19:11When I opened the door, I couldn't believe it.
19:13Well, come on, sit down.
19:14You've got a lot to talk about, Bulldog.
19:15Sure.
19:16Elizabeth?
19:18Hmm?
19:19Oh, no, you go right ahead.
19:20I'll be right with you.
19:23Well, you think you can still get into that old uniform, buddy?
19:26Hey, listen.
19:27I haven't put on but a couple of...
19:28Come on, sit down, Bulldog.
19:29Remember how tough I used to act?
19:31I didn't want anyone to know I'd quit Harvard to join the Army.
19:34Remember that?
19:35Here we are.
19:36I'll bet even you didn't know my real name.
19:40No, as a matter of fact, you never did tell me you were so busy roughing up the sergeants.
19:45I'll get the peanut.
19:48I didn't know you went to Harvard.
19:50Didn't I ever tell you that?
19:51No.
19:52Sure.
19:53Now we can have our choice.
19:54Thank you, Elizabeth.
19:55Yep.
19:56Spent three years at Harvard Law School.
19:58Before things got drafty.
20:00Things got drafty.
20:01Get it, honey?
20:02He means after the Army draft.
20:06Hey, remember when we were both on KP that time and the captain came in and took a taste
20:11of that dish water before anybody told him it wasn't soup?
20:14Remember that?
20:15Yeah, and when he found out, he made me eat a whole bowl of it.
20:19That's right.
20:20Oh, can I help you, Elizabeth?
20:22Oh, no, it was just a little crooked.
20:24Here.
20:25Say, speaking of things being crooked, what was that fellow's name in ordinance?
20:28Uh, Johnson.
20:29You're very welcome.
20:31Johnson was his first name, too, wasn't it?
20:33Johnson.
20:33No, no, no.
20:34You're thinking of Jackson Jackson.
20:36That's right.
20:36I guess that's right.
20:37What's he going all the way around for?
20:39He didn't want to step on my feet.
20:41Oh.
20:43Hey, these things are good.
20:45Have a fistful, Elizabeth.
20:48Ooh.
20:49Elizabeth?
20:51Let's see now.
20:53Do you prefer the milk chocolate or the bittersweet?
20:55Milk chocolate.
20:56All right.
20:57There you are.
20:59Hey, you were never like that when you handled a mess, kid, Bulldog.
21:05Remember?
21:06Two hands.
21:08Honey, this guy was the world's messiest eater.
21:11That's hard to believe.
21:13Well, there wasn't a lady around then.
21:17I'm telling you, we used to stand that chow line for out.
21:21You comfortable sitting that way, Elizabeth?
21:23Of course I'm comfortable.
21:26I made some coffee, Llewellyn.
21:29Would you care for some?
21:30You know, I'd love some.
21:32Llewellyn?
21:33How about you, Spud?
21:34Sure.
21:35Come on, let's help her.
21:36Yeah, sure.
21:37Oh, come on.
21:37I want to look around the house anyway.
21:39Well, it's right out this way.
21:40After you.
21:43Come on.
21:43Come on, come on, Llewellyn.
21:49Where did Alvin ever get the name of Spud?
21:51Oh, he was always peeling potatoes.
21:53Did you burn yourself?
21:54Oh, no.
21:55Thanks for asking.
21:57Sure.
21:57Ah, those wooden handles don't get very hot.
21:58Say, how did you get the name Llewellyn?
22:00Sounds like a girl's name.
22:01Hey, better smile when you say that, Marion.
22:05Oh, here, I'll get that.
22:07That's all right.
22:10Say, why don't you take your coat off?
22:12Make a step at home, Bulldog.
22:12Oh, no, not with a lady present.
22:19Nail in your shoe, honey?
22:22Uh, why don't you, you get the tray.
22:24Oh, okay.
22:27Too bad your wife couldn't come with you on this trip.
22:29Mm-hmm.
22:29What?
22:30What's she like?
22:31Well, she's a lot like you.
22:33She's very feminine, same graceful posture.
22:37You know, I like the way you do your hair.
22:39Sort of sets off your high cheekbones.
22:41What you don't know is I do the cheekbones to set off the hair.
22:46You've got a sense of humor, too.
22:48You know, I'll bet you and my wife would get along great.
22:50Yeah, his wife's a doll, Bulldog, honey.
22:52Excuse me.
22:52There we are.
22:53Uh-huh.
22:53What's your name?
22:54Vicki.
22:55Oh, here, here, I'll get that.
22:57Oh, no, no, no.
22:57I can do that.
22:58I don't like it.
22:58Oh, sure.
22:58No, no, no.
22:59It's too heavy.
23:00Oh, thanks.
23:00After you?
23:02Not you, Elvis.
23:10Really a beautiful place.
23:11It will be fine to work.
23:14Right.
23:14Excuse me.
23:15I'll have those shoes fixed for you tomorrow, dear.
23:19There's nothing wrong with my shoes.
23:21Why don't we all sit down?
23:23Yeah, let's get going.
23:23Uh-huh.
23:24Uh-huh.
23:25There he goes again.
23:31Here we are.
23:32Oh, I forgot the sugar.
23:34I'll be right back.
23:36Oh, that's some guy that you got there, Spud.
23:39Elizabeth?
23:40Oh, she's a regular Joe.
23:41Is she always so dainty and ladylike?
23:44Nah, she's a real good sport.
23:46Watch this.
23:48Elizabeth?
23:49Yes, darling?
23:49Do your ape walk for Bulldog.
23:51Oh.
23:52Oh, for goodness sake.
23:53All right, okay, okay.
23:54Do your one-legged duck.
23:55No.
23:56I mean, heaven, for goodness sake.
23:58Oh, I owe you.
23:59How about the drowning sea serpent, you know, with a...
24:01Oh, honey, Elizabeth.
24:04Excuse me, Bull.
24:05Honey, wait a minute.
24:06Sweetheart, hey.
24:11Darling, what's the matter?
24:12Oh, honey, what...
24:14I guess for once in my life,
24:15somebody makes me feel dainty and feminine
24:17and you have to spoil it all.
24:20Do your ape walk, Elizabeth?
24:22You mean, the duck happened down he was doing?
24:23Oh, honey, I did the same thing when I met his wife.
24:27She thought I was Sir Galahad.
24:29He was automatically polite.
24:31He has a natural dignity.
24:32You never see him doing an ape walk.
24:35Quack.
24:37Quack, quack.
24:42Quack, quack.
24:43Quack, quack, quack.
24:45I'm rushing.
24:47Do you see serpent, honey?
24:48No, no, do the ape walk.
24:51You know, honey, come on.
24:52Please, please.
24:55Hey, say goodbye to the people.
25:01Goodbye, everybody.
25:02And now here to say goodbye to you
25:07is the lovely star of our show,
25:09Betty White.
25:10Thank you, Jack
25:12Thank you, everybody
25:14Thank you so much
25:16You know, after seeing it over and over and over again
25:19Elizabeth found out that a one-legged duck
25:21Isn't all it's quacked up to be
25:23Until we see you again
25:25Once more, goodbye, everybody
25:40Betty White in Life with Elizabeth
26:04Featuring Del Moore
26:10Thank you
Recommended
25:18
|
Up next
25:13
26:05
26:17
29:19
0:54
5:41
26:13
1:24
Be the first to comment